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BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020

MudGuard 03 Jan 20 - 03:25 PM
saulgoldie 03 Jan 20 - 02:43 PM
Pete from seven stars link 02 Jan 20 - 07:42 AM
Donuel 02 Jan 20 - 07:12 AM
Nigel Parsons 02 Jan 20 - 07:06 AM
Steve Shaw 02 Jan 20 - 06:10 AM
Dave the Gnome 02 Jan 20 - 03:09 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jan 20 - 11:38 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: MudGuard
Date: 03 Jan 20 - 03:25 PM

5 mathematicians and 5 engineer are going to visit another university.

At the railway station, the mathematicians buy 5 tickets, while the engineers only buy a single ticket. The mathematicians are surprised, and ask the engineers how this will work out.

The engineers tell the mathematicians: wait and see.

They all enter the train (here in Germany, you don't need to show tickets before entering the train, the conductor will check them while the train is moving).

After a while, the conductor is approaching to check the passengers' tickets.

The five engineers all cram into the waggon's (or is it carriages's - sorry, my English is not the best) toilet and lock themselves in.

The conductor, after checking the mathematicians' tickets, notices that the toilet is in use, and knocks on the toilet door - one of the engineers says: "sorry, I will need some more time in here" and pushes the ticket outside through the narrow slit at the bottom of the door.

So they reach the other university, visit their colleagues, and start for the return journey.

This times - having learned from the engineers - the mathematicians buy only one ticket. And they are surprised when they notice that the engineers this time buy no ticket at all.

Again they ask how this will work, and get the same answer: "wait and see!".

And again they enter the train. When the conductor is approaching, the mathematicians cram into the toilet at the one end of the waggon, while the engineers cram into the toilet at the other end of the waggon.

When all the mathematicians are locked away, one of the engineers slips out again, runs to the other toilet, knocks on the door and says: "ticket please" ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: saulgoldie
Date: 03 Jan 20 - 02:43 PM

An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders a half a beer. The third one orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth one orders an eight of a beer...

The bartender pours two beers, and says, "You figure it out!"

Saul


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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Pete from seven stars link
Date: 02 Jan 20 - 07:42 AM

Then there was the Scotsman walking past a restaurant and his wife enthused about the wonderful mouthwatering smells emanating from within. She continued as they walked on , so the man said “what the heck,why not” , so he walked her past it again.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Jan 20 - 07:12 AM

A+ }^)


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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 02 Jan 20 - 07:06 AM

An elderly couple were watching the tv and the husband had the remote.
He kept changing back and forth between a porn channel and a fishing programme.
"For heaven's sake" said his wife "leave it on the porn channel, you know how to fish".


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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Jan 20 - 06:10 AM

A man in a canoe got cold so he lit a fire. It burned a hole in the bottom and the boat sank.


Which goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 Jan 20 - 03:09 AM

Man walks into a dentist's and says "I think I'm a moth!"

The dentist replied "I think you need the psychiatrist. I'm a dentist."

"I know", says the man.

"Well, why did you come in here then?" Asks the dentist.

"The light was on"


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Subject: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jan 20 - 11:38 PM

A guitarist and his wife were celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary. They had decided to meet at a restaurant after work. The wife arrived at the restaurant at the appointed time, but the husband was nowhere to be found. So, she called him on his mobile phone and asked why he wasn't there.

"Well," he explained, "remember a few years ago we stopped into a little jewelry store on 34th Street and you fell in love with a sapphire necklace but we didn't have the money for it and I promised you that one day we'd have the money and I'd buy it for you?"

"Oh, my!" she excitedly replied, "Of course I remember! Do you mean it's still there?"

"I have no idea," he answered, "I'm in the guitar store next door and they have this really great old Martin D-18 for sale...."


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