BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 11:33 AM

Rough cider works a treat..

Sometimes on the way home from the pub, when you least expect it..
not even a warning fart...

One unwelcome reason I've given up drinking as i've got older...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 12:12 PM

There once was a Mrrzy whose poop
Could only be found by some goop
On the hands of a nurse.
Now, what could be worse?

Her next job was making the soup

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 12:37 PM

That was inspired!

Unfiltered apple juice does it with me;
probably for the same reason as the 'rough cider' suggested.
Has to be UNFILTERED though and you gotta swallow the pulp.
Not the same effect, at all, with strained clear apple juice.
The stuff in the ground-up apple pulp is said to be
pectin, containing malic acid.
Not only promotes peristalsis (sp?)
but softens deposits in gall-bladder 'bila.'
(NOT like olive oil, doesn't expel them -- simply softens them so that
they don't trigger an attack as they are cleared out)
Same disclaimer as Steve Shaw: I'm not a doctor either.


Whatever you do, Mrrzy,
DON'T go to the Brattleboro Retreat in Vermont!
In the past ten or twenty years,
that place has changed management, and
it has got so bad that the nurses are leaving en masse.
Once it set the standard for others. Terribly sad ...
... trust the nurses on that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 01:31 PM

Than some poop and some goop on a scoop?

I'm not a doctor either but I am an "end" user of figs, psyllium and prunes. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 04:22 PM

I'm a doctor, not a pooper-scooper!

DC, you made me laugh out loud.

I told Tim I was constipated, and he said Me too, must run in the genes! I laughed myself out of the waiting room.

I am back in my clinic and theoretically unplugged. On verra.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: olddude
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 04:44 PM

I am a mathematician, I figure it out with a pencil

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 05:14 PM

Doctor with rectal thermometer behind ear - Some asshole had their pencil.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 05:15 PM

Mrrzy, I hope you won't take offense at this but as you have brought up the subject of poop:

The similar sounding River Mersey passes through several industrial towns on its way down to the sea past Liverpool. Although it has improved in recent times, it was not always the cleanest river in the world. Once there was a report of someone having fallen in the river and was feared drowned. When the question was asked "Was he able to swim to the bank?", the reply was "No, but he went through the motions".

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 08:13 PM

DC, that is a howl.

So, they are actually going to extend my stay here a few days (j'ai droit a des egards, as they say without accents). Then we shall seek longer term. Progress is being made but I do not feel safe to go home yet...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 31 Jan 20 - 05:59 PM

I just finished watching last night's episode of a re-run of Endeavour where a body was found in a sewer pit. The forensic pathologist said he'd have to go through the motions.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 31 Jan 20 - 06:17 PM

I always think that the people who have to analyse the bowel cancer screening samples are simply going through the motions...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 03:06 AM

You may have heard of a relatively recent medical breakthrough which can positively influence the gut microbiome which in turn can have a huge effect on medical and possibly even emotional health. The procedure involves depositing a poo sample from a healthy person into the not so healthy person's gut.

The proper name of the procedure is a faecal transplant , but a bright spark has dubbed the procedure a "transpoosion" (pronounced similarly to "transfusion").

I am serious. This is not a joke. Gut health is really interesting.

But the term transpoosion is funny.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 03:11 AM

Where can I get a donor's card...

"Poo donors do give a shit for the well being of other folks..."

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 08:34 AM

When I first heard of fecal transplants I thought, why haven't we already thought of that? Would have probably saved my kids' other grandmother's life from the C.diff she caught in the hospital...

Love the poop jokes. SO glad I have my sense of humor. Transpoosion, indeed.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 09:09 AM

If you hate songs about poop, or puns, do not click this link: I'M GLAD I'M WORKING DOWN BELOW

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 09:44 AM

My mum is a retired care worker,
she spent many years wiping old folks arses,
for low wages, low status, and few thanks..

She's now 87 and incontinent, wearing adult nappies,
if she can remember, or be persuaded to put them on in time.

Bum and poo jokes are an essential part of our daily phone conversations,
she finds the subject hilarious, it cheers her up.
That's the dark humour of folks who work at the arse end of society,
care workers, paramedics, etc..

One bonus of her dementia is we can say the same poo jokes day after day,
and she always finds the old punchlines fresh and funny...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 12:01 PM

Fecal matter has been found in ice served with drinks at many burger outlets (eg MacDonald's)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 12:04 PM

Wot a bummer...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: gillymor
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 02:22 PM

I guess I'll state the obvious if no one else will, this thread has gone straight into the crapper.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 05:02 PM

Talked to Tim's social worker, who says they are not talking discharge plans.

Tim thinks he's getting out on Monday or Tuesday.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 20 - 10:27 AM

Speaking of crap it wouldn't be complete without my polemic remarks such as the greatest moments in our life are often the most difficult.
Sometimes they are met with flight, panic and hiding , sometimes with obstinence and arrogance. Courage? I think that is only deciding what to do at the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Feb 20 - 03:58 PM

Good on your providers for extending your stay,
and they had better take darned good care of you --
you are precious to us all.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 20 - 05:21 PM

Mwah!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 02:15 PM

Ok I'm safe I'm safe I'm safe...

But...

Apparently in the US there is only long-term treatment for addiction, which is luckily not my issue. My current plan, which I deeply hope not to implement, is to fake-attempt suicide badly enough to be involuntarily committed but not actually kill myself.

This morning I finally remembered to write down my sister's phone number instead of waiting to push the button on my smart phone... It ends in 0486, and my brain went Oh[, yeah, I'm all] for eighty-six[ing myself].

But I am in a safe place. Still kinda farfrompoopin' but hey.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 02:26 PM

My sister emotionally blackmailed our family with 'failed' attempts for decades..

Paracetamol mostly..

It was only after she went on extended holiday to USA she was found dead in a cheap motel...

Unclear circumstances - but enough to satisfy the busy indiferent local cops and coroner...

Nah.. pleas for help attempts are not too good a plan,
no matter how well measured and controlled;
certainly not in unfamiliar circumstances.....

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 02:48 PM

punkfolkrocker, I'm so sorry about your sister. How very tragic and sad.

And Mrrzy, I do so hope you can get through these feelings of despair.
Please please do not do anything risky or dangerous. We all care about you and wish the best for you.
My heart truly goes out to people suffering from depression and utter hopelessness.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 04:13 PM

Senoufou, merde alors, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 06:41 PM

Please, Mrrzy, forgive me if I sound dim,
but I need to get this straight:

"apparently in the US there is only ..."
Something more is implied than stated, yes? as in,
insurance coverage? covering the costs?
'Cause you didn't come out and state as much,
but that is how I read it.

So, you need more help, and you know that you need it,
but the difficulty is paying for it?

so unfair ... (if true)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 09:09 PM

Lost my post. This one isn't as well-phrased as the original, but here we are.

It's not that I can't use what is there, it's that there is no there, there. Places that claim to be long-term residential are, when you call them, crisis stabilization (which is where I am, a 2-week program that I am already in week 3 of) or rehab. There is no long-term mental health care for the actually mentally ill. Treat'm and street'm, since the 70's or so. I blame the insurance companies actually, what a racket.

Thanks for following up, keberoxu and y'all.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 05:53 AM

Mrrzy, now you are making me really get worried about you.

Is there any type of crisis counselling service which may have information about or access to a place where you can be safe?

Please don't do anything to endanger your safety.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 08:32 AM

Please worry about me! I consider that to be good vibes!

I am desperately suicidal still if I have to spend any time with just me, who used to not even exist, but has progressed, yes, it's progress, to a black hole of despair, unless in I am in co-anything with other people. I have a meeting today with someone who knows more about other options than I do or can discover more than I can from the Internet (I don't think I am using the current jargon in my searches, for instance). If they have to kick me out (well, graduate me) they may be able to send me to a hospital for some interim while waiting for a longer-term residential program. I might be able to do intensive outpatient if I have a psych-specializing social worker or something living in or at least at night...

I *have* gone from Oops-alone-die-right-now to being able to be alone for maybe an hour or more (with tv or a puzzle book or reading book, not really if I'm in bed with nothing) before things start talking to me (not like hearing voices, but let's say I am not thinking of suicide but then I see some coins and it's Oh, you could choke on those if you tried, wouldn't that be great, it would all be over, then.

As a really small child, say, from about 3 on, if I cried, my sisters and mom would literally point and laugh, ha ha isn't it funny that Mrrzy is crying about *that* (or again, or something), so I never learned to regulate emotions that made me cry. If Daddy were home (note, he gets a capital letter), he would comfort me, so I at least had him for that. But if I got mad, he was all Don't you talk to your mother like that, so I lost even him. If I was *crying* out of anger, he would comfort me, so mad => sad, again, training from a tiny tot never to get angry but only to "get my feelings hurt" instead. Plus he went to work and even traveled, so intermittent reinforcement, great training tool, that.

This went on all through my adolescence - If it was just mom, as 2 sisters all went off to college when I was 11 and the other when I was 13, she [mom] would try to help (and say all the wrong things, but she would try), but if any of my sisters were home from college the two, or three, would point and laugh. Actually it went on pretty much till the Beirut bombing.

It continues today with the sister who had to raise me and whom I love like a mother: just this past $mas I was reminded of mom saying I liked to get lost in department stores (which I only remember happening once, looking up from the pantleg I was clutching to find it wasn't Daddy, terrifying); when I had asked mom about that at some point, she told me it actually happened a lot, but that I did it on purpose). And my sister burst out laughing and told me that mom actually used to *ditch* me in department stores, for fun.

How bloody awful was that, eh. Both the ditching, and even more so the laughing about it.

My anger is buried, way, way below my grief, and it is those which make up that black pit of despair. It is a 3-year old's grief that I would rather die, apparently, than face. And under that, all the anger ever.

Decades of therapy have not accessed that pit till now, as I have never had to be alone for as long as being an empty-nester involved. So I have a lot of work to do, but I *will* get there because I really don't, intellectually, want to die, and I have the psych training to have recognized the suicidal impulses and gotten help every time. You guys are a [literal] life- [figurative] -line.

My problem with this place (my crisis clinic, not Mudcat!) is they do a lot of training on how to get away from your emotions so you can deal with life, whereas I need more training on how to get *into* my emotions so I can live with myself. Once I have that I'll be able to use the getting-away stuff which I will also need for living in the actual social human world.

Whew. Thanks again.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 08:56 AM

Mrrzy, thank you so much for your post. It helps us understand your past and how it has affected your personality and your mind.
It would seem that you were the victim of psychological abuse as a small child, and this can damage someone dreadfully.
There is distress, resentment, sorrow and anger there. And a seeking of a solution involving self-destruction to escape the pain and as a strange kind of retaliation.
I imagine that 'sitting with yourself' is very difficult, as being alone only brings to the fore all these toxic feelings, memories and ideas.
Please dear Mrrzy try to persevere with your rehabilitation and see that your life is there for you to live. You have an absolute right to seek happiness, and a better existence after sorting out all these sorrows.
Sending yet more good wishes and an old lady's affectionate hug.
Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 10:04 AM

Je fais tous mes efforts!

Yeah, and even the cruel sister didn't *hit* me, she was extremely skilled at saying exactly the most hurtful thing at exactly the worst time in exactly the worst tone of voice to make me cry, so they could all have a good laugh. Her issue with me was that for 5 years she'd been the youngest, and when she was told a baby was coming, nobody told her I would *stay*.

When Daddy was killed she went into an I'm so sorry Mrrzy that I was so horrible to you as I realize now that if it had been you that died and I had never been nice to you I would have felt so much worse, so she and I are OK now.

And the eldest, who was forced at age 7 to raise me as mom wouldn't, is coming today and we will have a family therapy thing which will be great. Not her fault she spoiled me rotten, a) she was 7 and b) mom would yell at her if I cried, apparently, but then turning around and blaming me for *being* spoiled and awful, which she still does, laughing, has got to stop.

I don't want to *blame* her but I do want her to take responsibility. And "I can't talk to my 'mother' that way" - not without help. I tried to talk to the middle of my older sisters but she, wisely, bailed on being in the middle.

I actually love my family.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 10:56 AM

Holy cats, Mrrzy, was your Dad killed in the barracks bombing in Beirut? I've been dropping in and out of this thread, and I haven't put in my two cents before now because ... well, because I was too preoccupied with work, and family, and the weather, and the usual quotidian crap. But until today I did not realize that you're a military brat.

Military life is so hard on families, especially little kids, and the lip service so glibly poured out these days by the great and the good -- "Our families are our strength!" -- brings me out in a rash. If the families are so important, why is so little done to make their lives even a little less stressful and chaotic? And what the adults experience as stress often comes through to their children as unnameable terror. Some military parents manage to buffer the effects of their careers on their kids, but many just shrug off the problem in the belief that it can't be that bad if the kids have a roof over their heads and enough to eat. In fact, military people usually have so little control over their own lives that they convince themselves that they can do nothing for their children. Or they get out of the service, but that is usually a last resort, undertaken only when the family is in dire distress.

I know the black despair you describe; I lived with it for many years. But I am one of the lucky people for whom Prozac actually works, and I live in Canada where being sick is not necessarily a sentence of bankruptcy. I am also blessed with the love, support and respect of both my brothers; without their help, I could easily have wound up under the wheels of a bus. (That thing you mentioned, looking at a random object and imagining how you could use it to kill yourself -- yup. Done that.)

I sincerely hope you find a safe place, or find someone who will help you find a safe place, to continue your recovery. From what you have written here, I'm guessing that you're at that point in the disease where the coping skills you learned in youth don't work any more and you have to build a new set for your current stage of life. The trouble is that, at the same time, you also have to deal with all the unresolved pain and misery that the coping skills held at bay. It's not a program to be undertaken on a tight schedule. I reckon it took me about ten years.

Keep writing. We'll keep reading.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 12:31 PM

Mrrzy - Hi, just noticed your PM.. I don't like PMs, I prefer to talk openly in the forum..
When I see my PM count has gone up by one [occasionally, every few weeks..],
I automatically assume it's a mod and I'm in trouble...

Ok.. I'm not a good sympathetic person to talk to in private about emotions and mental health,
I don't want to be the person who says the wrong thing at the wrong time..

ie.. there are times I could so easily have got angry with my sister, and called her bluff..
Fortunately that never happened...

My sister had complex problems which manifested as egotistical self obsessed manipulative control freak behaviour.

She had my parents constantly at her mercy and bidding,
mum and dad living in fear of her next suicide attempt.

I seriously believe mental health professionals and therapists made her worse, not better...
She became increasingly involved in international 'self help' groups.
Some which appeared to me too close to being exploitive cults..

Her extended journey to America may have been centred on such groups.
My mum would never tell me anything about what my sister was doing,
as if she'd been sworn obediently into silence.
I only found out my sister had drained my mums life savings to fund her trip,
after her death..


My sister became an increasingly difficult person to like.
I lived too far away to be involved, so it was easier for me to put her out my mind.
I even ended up phoning my parent less regularly..
from once a week to at worst 2 or 3 times a year.
Because every call was dominated by what my sister had just done
to upset my parents.

I had enough of my own problems and depression,
and thinking about my sister could take me over the edge into bad dark despair sometimes..
This went on for about 30 years...

Her [suspicious ???] death abroad caused immense practical problems for me,
Some still tangled up and unresolved.
After nearly a decade, I still haven't faced up to opening the box of her personal effects,
which took bloody ages and a lot of expense to get released and delivered
back to us in England..
I've been too busy dealing with my mum's dementia, which has taken over my life.

I'm not a writer, I haven't got time or need to delve into her life looking for a story..
Though our house is now full of her filing cabinets and hard drives, gathering dust.
I can't dispose of them.
She was a copious self indulgent writer of self analyis,
tutored by therapists into blaming family and whoever else..

I can only imagine what she wrote about us on the internet..
Actually, I'd prefer not to..

Now she's gone,
I'm not one of those people who get's obsessed for years campaigning for the truth,
and seeking suspects to accuse and bring to justice..

Life's too short, and I'm to tired.
Most importantly, mum is much happier now she is over the grief...

Frankly, not having my sister around is a huge relief, because I couldn't cope
with the demands of having to look after her as well..

Like I said, I'm not the best bloke to talk to about problems..
I have my own views on suicide, best kept to myself.
Mostly I'd want to deter folks from such final 'solutions'..

HOWEVER this has been about my experience and perceptions of my sister,
YOU Mrrzy are an entirely different person, I don't know you..

But I join all others here in wishing you well managing your life,
but most importantly, keeping your life going for as long as possible...

You are obviously valued by mudcatters

[I don't think we are a dodgy internet cult...???]...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 01:10 PM

Mrrzy - sorry if that was a bit over the top.. or maybe that's the kind of chat you'd have wanted in PMs..

Whatever, that's more serious personal stuff than I usually say over several months..
and I had to stop writing more..

Basically, not just my sister who may or may not have ended it ?
I've had my share of experiences with family and old band mates who did definitely do the deed;
not just threatened it, or tried and failed several well measured attention seeking attempts..

Nobody comes out of it well...
Especially when family find a nasty bloody mess to clean up..

Even when I'd been in darkest black dog despair in my youth,
I never considered suicide as an option..

Though there are specific very limited physically painful circumstance
when I can understand and wouldn't stop someone close resorting to it.
But personally I'd demand more morphine...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:09 PM

Hi Mrrzy,

Thanks for your explanation. I can relate to some of what you are saying. I cry when I am angry because I feel powerless when I am angry and my natural instinct is to lash out at people. That sounds like a simple statement but I did not understand that until I was about 30, i.e. over 30 years ago.

Having made the connection between anger and powerlessness has helped me to "put a lid" (most of the time) on my impulsively angry outbursts and to channel the anger into researching and understanding the situation so that I can a) work out what I can do about it and b) take that action using controlled emotions and strategies. That was extremely useful in my last job because I was a union delegate and I could also be part of the process to help others to find solutions for issues they were facing.

You seem to be making a lot of progress in your life.

Hang in there. Look for support networks and systems so that you are not on your own. I don't just mean when you are literally on your own, but in working towards better outcomes in your life.

The chorus of this song has been popping into my head and it is what I hope for you:
The Master's Apprentices - It's Because I Love You

"Do what you want to do, be what you want to be, yeah"

But, by trying to search for that song I just found the lyrics of another song that I have never heard:

T-Connection - Do What You Wanna Do

Everybody's startin' to pick on you
Just can't let them tell you what to do
You've only got one life, so live it cool
In this world of strife, you can't be a fool

Don't let nobody tell ya what to do
You gotta be your judge, and your jury too
Don't let nobody tell ya what to do
Gotta be your judge and jury too

This website helped me enormously when I was being bullied by the manager at work, i.e. when I posted the "Help, lost my sense of humour" thread.

Bully Online

I didn't even know I was being bullied until someone at work finally talked to me instead of ignoring my pain and she mentioned the word "sociopath". I looked it up online and found Tim Field's website.

Suddenly I could see more clearly what that person had been doing, not just to me but to a whole series of people. It has helped me since then because instead of struggling to identify what a bully or sociopathic personality is doing, I can see it for what it is very quickly. Knowledge is strength. Knowledge isn't the complete solution but it provides a window into creating strategies to deal with the issues.

I am going to send a brief PM to you because there is information about a friend of mine which I would like to share with you.

I am wishing you all the best in life.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:16 PM

Punkfolkrocker, the pm was an aside, no issues about discussing it here.

Charmion, no, I am an *embassy* brat. Dad was a pacifist, who was killed in the embassy bombing. "The body of the 17th American was [left] in Lebanon according to his family's wishes" - that was us.

The bombing of the barracks was understandable and acceptable and not terrorism, as killing occupying military is the job of the people being occupied, especially as said occupiers had joined the military voluntarily, whereas Dad had been told it was safe. Reagan had ordered the barricades dropped and restaffed with civilians and non-essential personnel, over the advice of the State Department who knew it was basically bait. In fact when mom and I got the call that he was being sent there and we asked if it was safe, he laughed, How many housing officers have ever been killed in the line of duty?

Apparently, one.

Anyway, these wonderful folks want me out of here tomorrow or the day after, as it is a 2-week program and my 2 weeks were actually up last Saturday, plus I take up 2 beds as they can't match the gender of anybody who isn't cis so I don't get a roommate. However, no long-term thing, so they are working on Do I have a list of people I can call, which I do, and that is where I was before I came here, so I am not really happy with this, but they are right, I can't stay here.

Oops gotta go. More later. Where in Canada, Charmion?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:25 PM

Your meeting with this other person today
might open doors that you didn't know you could knock on,
and if this person has professional expertise in the field
then they know one heck of a lot more than I know,
because I am no expert.

But I really saw red, when reading:
"Places that claim to be long-term residential are,
when you call them, crisis stabilization or rehab."
True of many establishments, this cannot be denied --

but surely not every last one of them --
especially on the East Coast of the US,
which has people/corporations with deep pockets
AND cutting-edge schools and places of higher learning.
Don't give up now!
There HAS to be something that will help you
more than the places you have eliminated thus far.

I'm looking at a web-page right this moment, for one place.
Here's a quote:

"We treat the individual, not the diagnosis.
Diagnostic labels cannot capture the essence of an individual's struggles or strengths,
and they often obscure what people have in common. . .
[Many of our patients] seek treatment at [name withheld]
because they need a different approach,
and many opt to stay in our long-term residential treatment program
following an initial evaluation and treatment period."

I'll send you a PM with more.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:34 PM

Oh, and as to the question
"do you have a list of people you can call" --

you got US and don't you forget it.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 03:34 PM

About the long-term stuff, yeah, it says that on their websites, but then when you call, it turns out not to be the case. So far. I got a few more name of places, and had totally forgotten about NAMI (nat assoc mental illness) which I could totally consult.

And, yeah, y'all are almost at the top of my list of people to lean on, only behind the friend who is not only a shrink but also my almost-next-door neighbor.

And I haven't heard from Tim that he's out yet but I think he's on his way home...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 04:04 PM

Hey, Mrrzy -- I live in Stratford, the seat of Perth County, Ontario, about two hours west of Toronto. My husband grew up in southwestern Ontario and went to high school here. I spent most of my life in Ottawa, but we moved to Stratford in 2017 when my husband got out of the army so we could have a house with a garden and a fireplace. Along with that, we lucked into a much easier winter and all the pleasures of small town life.

Embassy brat, eh? That's like being a military brat but with better education, nicer clothes and less company. You're still playing second fiddle to your parents' careers, living where The Job has put you without regard for your needs let alone wants, and dependant on your parents and siblings for the connections and support "civilian" kids get from a wide network of kinfolk and friends. I went to high school with many dip kids and never envied them; they were polished and accomplished, but never seemed to belong anywhere in particular.

Incidentally, you are literally the only American I have ever heard -- for lack of a better word -- refer to the October 1983 barracks bombing as an attack on an occupying power, which of course it was. I once met a survivor of the embassy's Marine detachment who also by chance avoided being blown up in October; he both could not bear to talk about it and could not stop, and insisted on doing so in French. (Very weird, but an effective "this really isn't me talking" technique.)

I have great sympathy (or empathy, I'm not sure which word is better) about your problem of finding a place to do the next stage of recovery. When you're sick, it is so hard to hunt frantically, identify a potential spot, call up, and be told No over and over again.

Is it too disingenuous of me to suggest that a non-binary person could room with cis people of either gender?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 08:32 PM

Yeah really about the roommate thing. If it's to prevent hankypanky they shouldn't allow 2 lesbians/gay men to room together, right, but they don't ask about that, now, do they.

Also Dad was a consultant for years, so though his office was at the embassy, we actually stayed in the same country from my ages of 5 to 20 with a slight aside at ages 9-11. He didn't actually join the state dept till I was half-way through college, so it was the embassy types who left me behind all the time rather than me moving a lot. Lucky in one sense (I did belong somewhere and have a real hometown), unlucky in another (I do not deal well with abandonation, as we call it)...

I've been to London ON, are you near there?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 08:12 AM

Stratford sits on Highway 7 (and the rail line that runs parallel to it ) almost precisely half-way between London and Kitchener. My husband, known to many here as CET or Himself, goes to London frequently to work on his doctoral studies at the University of Western Ontario. Kitchener is where I go for the monthly drug dose that keeps my asthma in check. Each way is a journey of about 45 minutes by car; public transport options have pretty well disappeared.

How ya doin’ today?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 05:36 PM

It takes 18 to 30 days, sometimes more for endorphin balance and detoxification. 14 days is absurd.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 07:40 PM

Get home safely and let us know you got there when you may.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 10:55 AM

At least, you are far enough south
not to be dealing with ice this morning.
Please take care, regardless.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:42 PM

The existence of threads like this make me remember why I have been grateful for Mudcat since 1996.

imagine 12 paragraphs of detailed memories here

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:44 PM

Bill D, you rock, and so does Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:54 PM

There's so much support on here isn't there? Like the 'Mudcat Recovery Ward', where folk feeling poorly can get together and feel cared about.