BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy

Subject: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 03:58 AM

I received a very worrying message from Mrrzy two days ago, asking if I would be willing to create a thread to tell Mudcat about certain circumstances, if I heard nothing more by Monday. I agreed of course, so here are the details.
(Firstly, I'm assuming that Mrrzy is a woman, but I hope I'll be forgiven if that's not the case.)
She has been feeling suicidal for quite a while and things got extremely serious, so her friends have been watching over her constantly. Now she has booked herself into a special suicide-prevention unit for a couple of weeks, and will have very limited access to the Internet.
There are many problems on her mind, including empty-nest syndrome, her cat, displacement to a foreign land, the traumatic death of her father and so on. It has all come to a head and she is in a bad way.
She would welcome any support on here from us all, which I'm sure will be forthcoming from everyone.
I have full permission from Mrrzy to relate all these details.
Mrrzy, for my part, I wish you well and hope you can surmount all your troubles and sad memories. Meilleurs voeux pour une vite récupération!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:23 AM

sending good wishes & hugs

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:25 AM

Thanks Senoufou for letting us know about Mrrzy.

Mrrzy, this is my heartfelt wish for you. I hope you find this place within you, as I did many years ago after a series of events put me in a bad place emotionally. When I worked through the issues and came out better and stronger for being able to deal with it all, this song helped me to celebrate my new found harmonious self. Every time I hear it I am reminded of how I survived and thrived after that time in my life.

All the best thoughts and prayers from Helen in Australia.


I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day


Songwriters: Johnny Nash
I Can See Clearly Now lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:33 AM

Isn't Mrrzy a man?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: gillymor
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:36 AM

Mrrzy, there are a lot of folks here that think very highly of you, myself included.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:52 AM

Steve, I don't know. I hope he/she will understand my mistake if I've got it wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mr Red
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:58 AM

here's a song I wrote for a young lass I knew. I was 11,000 miles away at the time. It did its part, along with the professional help she was getting. If I could have done the same for the next person I would have gladly traded the song, and a lot more.

Eilidh

it scrolls to put the song at the top automatically.

I hope it helps.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 06:40 AM

I am sure someone recently told me that mrrzy was male but it doesn't matter. Male, female or non-binary I send them all my best healing wishes. If you read this, mrrzy, when you feel up to it, get over to us in Airedale. Everyone leaves our house feeling better :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 08:28 AM

A few years ago, Mrrzy let it be known, here on Mudcat, that a transition to gender neutral was being made. A request, to anyone who knew the given first name, was not to use it or assign a gender, and that "they/it" would be preferred to "he" or "she".

I hope you are soon feeling better Mrrzzy.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:02 AM

What Doug said.
The thread is somewhere around here, I think, but gender identification doesn't seem like a huge deal right now.
I'm happy Mrrzy knew to ask for help, and seems to be getting it. Strength to you...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:23 AM

Displacement to a foreign land is a worthy worry. West Virginia, Desert Depression Nevada, Jailville, Patagonia? Some I can visit some I can not.
He's a dude, the 'y' confuses most.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:37 AM

Oh dear, well I hope Mrrzy forgives me for my mistake, but as people say, what's important here is the distress and anguish he is suffering at the moment, and one's hopes for some sort of resolution and improvement in his mind.
Mudcat can be so supportive and kind, and I'm sure this will help him to feel appreciated and cared about.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: fat B****rd
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:54 AM

Sending the very best thoughts and good wishes from Dunfermline.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 10:04 AM

One of the choicest pleasures below the music-thread line
is watching Mrrzy and Senoufou exchange posts en français when the spirit moves them.

It is telling that when the message needed to be relayed on Mrrzy's behalf,
the Mudcat member entrusted with the task was someone who leads with the heart,
rather than somebody focusing on pronouns.

Omitted from the list of concerns -- I looked for this --
was when Mrrzy's place of employment shut down,
and efforts to move on to another post got nowhere.

Yes, it can be substantiated that
when in past threads
one fellow member used "her" for Mrrzy,
there was a prompt correction.
I agree with Jeri, though, it seems secondary at best.

Hope Mrrzy gets some rest and relief at the very least.
We're pulling for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: EBarnacle
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 10:55 AM

The thing to remember is that hard times pass but we have to persist through them. there are many here who value you and wish you well.

HARD TIMES ARE LIKE KIDNEY STONES, THEY TOO SHALL PASS even though you will be in pain while it happens. Get past it soon and stay with us.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 11:38 AM

I will now probably appear hard hearted and unsympathetic .. but...

I have long painful experience of my sibling's decades of emotionally blackmailing our parents
with suicide attempts..

A question still hangs over how she ultimately passed...

..and another relative with no apparent suicidal tendencies at all,
who suddenly flipped without warning and killed himself.

So my hardened attitude is either make a good job of it causing least heart break
and inconvenience to other folks,
or ask for professional help asap...

Mrrzy - you have chosen the most positive option,
and I sincerely wish you good health and well being..
and continued progress in managing your problems for many years to come..

Stay on top of it mudcat mate...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Pete from seven stars link
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 11:50 AM

I recall that Mrrzy’ dad was killed in tragic and violent circumstances . Also that accommodation had been precarious. Wishing Mrrzy peace

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:03 PM

No hard feelings, pfr -- just the opposite --
yours is the voice of experience,
reflecting the opposite side of one same coin.
And behind your 'hardened' attitude is real depth of feeling.
That means that your words and sentiments have weight here.

Thanks for sticking your neck out, pfr,
and we know you have Mrrzy's back.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:18 PM

O gosh - I’m so sorry to read this. Mrrzy - sending much love from this corner of the world. You’re one of my favourite Catters. Hang in there and stay with us.

Bonnie <3

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:41 PM

Seeking help was the right thing to do, and keeping your friends apprised of your situation was a kind thing to do. You've got this managed.

Get well and stay whole.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:57 PM

I do hope you recover and come back to post, although Mudcat is the least of your concerns. But we're here.

Charlie Ipcar

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 03:00 PM

Jeeze Louise He has had as challenging a life as one can have.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 03:12 PM

Mrrzy: in my opinion, you should never ever commit suicide - a good friend (plenty with positive thoughts just above) or a good break can be just around the corner and change your mindset completely. Carry on, please...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Anne Lister
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:49 PM

Mrzzy, I hope you are reading these messages. Sending you huge love and concern and wishing there was more I could do. I don't read the threads here very often these days and I'm so sorry I didn't catch up with this before. Many hugs, much love and I hope these messages give you some support.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Joe Offer
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:09 PM

Mrr, all I can say is that I appreciate you very much. Your wisdom and your goodness shine through bright and clear.
With love,
Joe

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:56 PM

Thanks all, and keep right on giving me reasons to thank you. Short answers now, but they will get longer.

And I totz forgot to remind (inform?) Senoufou about the They thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 06:13 PM

Hahaha Mrrzy, you did say something in your message about the 'singular They' but I didn't quite understand (silly old lady!) So sorry about that.
Glad you are able to access Mudcat and read our encouraging words.
We're all thinking of you and wishing you well.

Keep a-troshing bor! And dorn't yew let the bottom drarp owt!
(Norfolkspeak for 'hang in there mate and keep everything steady')

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: meself
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 07:09 PM

Hang in there, Mrrzy - we need you here!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 08:48 PM

Ah Mrrzy, great to see you here.

Some people know what They want in life,
And some people know how to get it.
Some people need some encouragement
And some people will help Them to get it.


And here we all are!! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 10:00 PM

Hey, Mrrzy, I have high hopes for your recovery. Seeking help is a very big first step. I hope the rest are smaller!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 12:43 AM

Mrrzy - sending love from afar. Good to see you again.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Monique
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 02:38 AM

Mrrzy, rien ni personne ne vaut/ne mérite que tu y/lui sacrifies ta vie. On n'en a qu'une, prends-en bien soin et un petit coup de pouce pour t'aider. Accroche-toi bien!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 09:23 AM

to be or not to be.
To bear the bullets
and blunt bludgeons
of the ignorant and
by opposing them all
win
do I want to grow
do I want to live
do I want to love

Love?
It is your 1 duty

What is love 2 u?
Is it a policeman who stops his car to investigate
a vagrant awake on the street corner dieing
A friend says I'll share my wine with you
The government says I will help you
The doctor says I will cure you
The son says I'll give you $
And the church gives a meal
The church is investing
the vagrant is thinking
I do not want to be alone
I want to see things I love
I want to remember the things I love
The poetry of a woman crossing her legs
The passion of pondering an impossible mystery
I will forget the false equivalence to my parents
I never really was alone but I chose to not see all the help?

The vagrant dies anyway
but not for decades
in a brand new life
thats the deal
take it or
leave it?

Life to me personally is all questions
and wishing I had more 'do overs'
Answers? Shit if I know
except for the 1 duty

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 03:32 PM

Luvs

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 08:49 PM

Sad by osmosis is a new phrase...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: leeneia
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 09:06 PM

I'm thinking of you, Mrrzy, and wishing you well. My sympathy on the death of your father.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 03:52 PM

Still here

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 04:00 PM

Hope you are comfortable Mrrzy, and that the food is nice etc. Perhaps the rest and change of scene, and time to reflect gently about all your difficulties will help you to feel better, and able to cope with life.
We're all thinking about you, and wishing you well.
Sending a huge HUG!
Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 09:13 PM

Actually the food is not bad, wish I wanted to eat it... At 5'3" I had been at about 160lbs for at least 10 years, down from a max of 214 in the 90's; propanolol last summer made me put on 20 lbs in 6 weeks so I made them take me off it (the propanolol, that is), and then just could not lose it (the weight, that is) - I weighed 179 on Dec 19, and when I checked in here on Jan 19 I weighed 161, and now I weigh 157 4 days later. Not a healthy variation.
Brits, divide by 14 to get my stones. Ha ha ha.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 10:10 PM

Food and sleep, those are two of the biggies.
The meds, now, that's between you and the caregivers/doctors.
Anyway,
the sooner you are sleeping and eating -- no particular order --
with some relief for what you feel,
the better.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 04:12 AM

We weigh about the same Mrrzy, roughly eleven stone. And about the same height too.
I don't reckon it's necessary to eat large quantities of grub if you don't feel like it Just make sure you get the essential combination of proteins, vegetables and fruit, a bit of carbohydrate and...dozens and dozens of crumpets dripping with butter.
Oh, wait. Ignore that last one!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 12:30 PM

Ooh, a crumpet strumpet! Totz approve.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 01:05 PM

You could try my crumpet favourite: good orange marmalade with a topping of mild cheese. It may not help nutritionally, but it might help you to feel good.

Hugs from Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 01:11 PM

Hahaaaaa Mrrzy! The Crumpet Strumpet eh? Can't wait for my husband to come home from his work so I can tell him. He'll laugh his head off I'm sure!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 01:28 PM

Aw fuck me sideways my younger son is back in the ER having another psychotic break

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 01:56 PM

Oh NO Mrrzy.
No, no, no, no, NO !!

Maybe it's the sun in mad old Aquarius ...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 03:10 PM

Fuck me sideways yeah right but apparently he called himself in so yay.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 04:00 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 04:01 PM

Sorry... that wuz me saying Keep us posted

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 04:03 PM

Forgot to add: xxxxxxxx’s

%!!*&#@*! Ipads...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 04:43 PM

Oh, Mrrzy, when it doesn't rain, it pours! I'm wishing for sunshine in your life and your son's life, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 08:03 PM

Yeah he's been sent somewhere but don't know if voluntary or where

Remember Chutes and Ladders? That one really long chute?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Joe Offer
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 08:08 PM

This makes me smile. Keep doing well, Mrrzy.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 06:47 AM

Mrrzy, I fondly remember the time we met, many years ago, here in Portland. You're a great person, and I'm sorry you're going through the shit right now.

Anyway, y therapist told me not to focus so much on the big victories, but the small ones, the getting out of bed ones, the brushing teeth ones, the showering ones.

Because they all add up. Take care of yourself...and if things get worse don't be afraid to check out for a while. There's a nice hotel with staff that will give you the help you need.

I have many friends who have used such services from time to time. It saved their lives.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 07:40 AM

Good wishes are nice but sometimes the body and mind just have to throww uuup.
Fighting the urge to 'puke' lasts only so long. Euroope ptooey.
Its not a setback and soon you'll feel better. I'm speaking figuratively of course. Buick... pant pant.
We all do it but few talk about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 07:50 AM

Amergin, remember how hard we laughed at the "electric" fence at the zoo?

Then there are the inconsistencies - Person 1, you have to be in your room during quiet time. Person 2, you just can't use the computers, phones, or TV, but you can be out. 1-sure you can have a bagel during this meeting, 2-no you can't have a bagel in this room. 1-if your nightlight dies bring it back and we'll give you different one (they are rechargeable). Last night my light went out Oh, you can't have another, you have to bring it to us in the morning so we can charge it for you for later. I's enough to drive one crazy!

Ooh JUST got a phone call, Tim only has a 72-hour hold and I know where is is, which is about 5 hours away, bugger. Not that I can go but that means pretty much an overnight trip for anyone who can...

Relief is knowing what the deal is.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 12:22 PM

And your internet connection lacks sound.
Sounds like you need earbuds ...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 07:17 AM

1 week

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: robomatic
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 09:30 AM

Mrrzy-

For me, music and The Simpsons make me smile and want to hear want to see.

Make my appendages greedy for more.

I am now greedy to read and hear

how you are.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 11:19 AM

Getting better again from the slough of FeelNothing that Tim's crisis put me into. And I love the word slough.

Another beef though is that they really need a program for atheists. There is no religion/church/preaching but can't we stop talking about gratitude and start talking about hope and joy? I am not *grateful* for the sunshine, nobody gave it to me, it just is, because physics. I *do* cherish it. The sunshine, that is. And physics, for that matter.

Ha ha get it?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 11:59 AM

I tend to think "grateful" is saying I'm glad for it. Nobody else involved. I'm happy you seem to be doing better. Grateful? Praise the continuity of life, and the fact we're predisposed to heal.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 12:04 PM

Wasn't it John Bunyan in Pilgrim's Progress who spoke of
The Slough of Despond?

The sooner one can slough off the despond, the better.
Hope the sun shines for you, regardless of gratitude.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 01:13 PM

Good for you Mrrzy, you've managed a week already!
I'm no psychologist, but I'd have thought just relaxing, finding small pleasures and not thinking too hard can be very healing, before you start to analyse and confront your great griefs.

You sound rather more 'upbeat' and I do hope this continues.
Everyone on here is thinking about you, and sending lots of good wishes.
Big hugs, and dew yew keep a-troshing!
Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 06:11 PM

I think there was a slough of something in The Princess Bride, too.

Happy and grateful are distinct to me but I am also embedded in a culture of assumed xtianity so they don't thank people who actually do things, as in, the surgeon saved my live, thank god, not thank the surgeon, or I just accomplished this thing, thank god, not I'm proud of myself. Dehumanizing all around.

Good meeting with the elder boy today. And yes it's spelled that way because of Wesley "shut up, Wesley!" Crusher. But I hadn't seen him in a while, he's changed his hair and beard, and I didn't recognize him. They said young man here to see you, I looked and said no idea who that is, got a really shocked look from the clinician, looked again... I want to write a ballad of prosopagnosia.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 06:23 PM

I'm going to the dictionary, thank Mrzzy.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 06:34 PM

Blimey, first dicto I looked in didn't even have it...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 07:17 AM

Just saw the Princess Bride again last night on BBC - pit of despair, so the slough of despond must have been somewhere else. What an excellent film. I would like to re-see Master and Commander, of pun and pickpocket fame, too.

Rounding the bend into week 2. Don't flink (feel/think, I just made that up) that I'll be safe in another week, but hey, they do do really good work here. It would be stellar if they could get their story straight - I *did* take my bedside lamp-y thing in yesterday morning to be recharged, but then when I wanted to go to bed, none of the night staff knew *where* it was being charged.

Looked it up - slough of despond was Pilgrim's Progress, which I have never read so I wonder where I read or heard of it. I would have guessed Phantom Tollbooth but that was the Doldrums now that I think about it.

You folks and folkies all do great work too, with me I mean, not that it's work, of course, I know you love me. Known that for years. That's why I'm here, in many senses (yeah, I know, mostly visual, but hey nonny nonny)...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 08:24 AM

Hope you can find 'The Wicket Gate' Mrrzy, and 'The House of the Interpreter', so you finally reach 'The Celestial Way' (all from 'The Pilgrim's Progress'!). Not trying to push religion on you, but instead wishing you relief from your mental anguish and hoping that you find the way forward in your recovery.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 09:00 AM

Its probably my unique POV but going a different direction may involve mental anguish but it doesn't make one a mental anguish victim.

We are all such creatures of habit that changing/transforming habits takes alot of energy. Even thoughts/memories can be habits.

On the other hand it is amazing how we can adapt to new conditions.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 11:14 AM

Senoufou, je te comprends, toi.

While I have mental anguish, great word, anguish, I think of myself as having been a victim of / having survived what anguished/anguishes me, not of the anguish itself, if that makes sense. So, yeah, Donuel.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 03:34 PM

Oh and some actually excellent news, Tim passed the 3-day hold audition BUT DECIDED TO STAY VOLUNTARILY for another 5 days! So impressed with him. So relieved for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 03:38 PM

So pleased to hear this Mrrzy. Tim has done the right thing. You must be feeling very relieved!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 04:03 PM

Hi Mrrzy, I'm very happy to hear that you are working your way through this.

Prosopagnosia - what a whacky coincidence! Last night I watched a re-run of a really good TV programme in Oz called Anh's Brush with Fame

Anh interviews a well known person and at the same time he paints the person's portrait. Brilliant! Amazing! Interesting, enlightening, special.

Last night's show featured a brilliant academic and media presenter called
Dr Karl Kruszelnicki who has more degrees than you can poke a stick at, including a medical degree and he worked for a time as a children's doctor.

He explained that he has prosopagnosia so he was also talking about whether he would recognise his own face in the finished portrait.

I probably wouldn't use the term "slough" because there are too many possible ways it could be pronounced.

"ough" - pronounced "oh" like in "although"
"ough" - pronounced "ow" like in "plough" or "plow"
"ough" - pronounced "off" like in "cough"

At least the "sl" is straightforward and unambiguous. LOL

It reminds me of the funny/joke spelling of "fish" i.e. ghoti.

"gh" pronounced "ff" as in "cough"
"o" pronounced "i" as in "women"
"ti" pronounced "sh" as in "nation

Sorry, just trying to make you laugh at the funny way my brain works.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 06:19 PM

"The wind was rough
And cold & blough
She kept her hands
Inside her mough."

Keep on keeping on Mrrzy.... and do think about the Getaway we talked about briefly.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 07:13 PM

Cheering you on, and your beloved Tim.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 08:55 PM

I remember ghoti.

I tell jokes but have not heard any new ones.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 09:29 PM

Hey Mrrzy, you just reminded me of a thread I started back in early 2000.

Help: Lost my sense of humour

Some people thought I was .... well, I don't know what they thought my intention was in starting the thread, but it was a serious cry for help. 1999 to 2000 was one of the darkest, scariest periods of my life in terms of being bullied by someone in a position of power, and the eureka moment occurred to me that I had lost my sense of humour and I asked the Mudcatters to help me to find it again.

Everyone kindly contributed their jokes to help me to find it again, and seriously, it didn't take very long at all for me to start feeling that sense of balance again in my life. It was a lot to do with the humour, but even more to do with the care and concern of Mudcatters for someone they had never even met. I'll cherish that forever.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 08:04 AM

Wow, *GREAT* thread, wyswyg (sp?) was a newbie and the Albert and the Lion reminded me tremendously of Pierre from Sendak's Nutshell Library (they drove the lion into town, the doctor shook him up and down, and when the lion gave a roar Pierre fell out upon the floor). Laughed out loud at the cherry joke!

I am also reminded of a boss-related meditation starting with the lovely woods... the gentle brook... feel the cool water... look into the stream... see the face of the boss whose head you are holding under the water...

And oh, can I sing limericks for hours too. Troll was probably familiar with Oscar Brand, at least that's where I learned the iambic pentameter one.

Gonna stop commenting on the thread itself, thank you SO MUCH Helen, y'all go read it.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 08:13 AM

Did Piers Anthony have something about the "Slough of despond" somewhere in his "Pale horse"(or whatever it was known as) series?
Just a thought as another place to come across it.

Best wishes,

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 12:08 PM

Piers Anthony is a good thought

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 01:51 PM

Yep, I've meditated on very similar themes about that boss.

I thought you might like that thread. I'll have to re-read the whole lot. I don't remember the one about the cherry.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 02:27 PM

"I am not *grateful* for the sunshine, nobody gave it to me, it just is, because physics."

But only sunshine (or sometimes moonshine) can make earthly things beautiful. There's a line of small trees in a long hedge near my house. The low sun this morning cast stripes of pale shadows of them, a hundred times longer than the trees, across the green field beyond. When you see something beautiful on this earth, and recognise it for that, you're making the earth your very own. A lot of physics and chemistry and one-day-explicable mysteries made that sunshine. No-one gave it to you, but it offers itself to you for your taking of the things it makes beautiful.

Join the Cloud Appreciation Society and sign up for their Cloud A Day emails. Get rid of that blue-sky thinking!

Man said to his doctor, Doc, I'm having terrible trouble pronouncing my Fs and THs. The doc said, Well you can't say fairer than that, then...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 07:51 PM

You are not just fluent in the English language you are erudite.
I'd settle for fluent.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 08:50 PM

Steve Shaw, that description of your trees is lovely, and I feel an urge to explain further what I mean. And pick nits! Feel free to pick back!

But only sunshine (or sometimes moonshine) can make earthly things beautiful.
Um, sorry, to me they are already beautiful. Light helps / enables you to see the beauty, sure, but a brook in total darkness is still beautiful.

When you see something beautiful on this earth, and recognise it for that, you're making the earth your very own.
Um, seems non sequitur to me. What does cherishing have to do with owning? If I love your dog it does not make it my dog.

A lot of physics and chemistry and one-day-explicable mysteries made that sunshine. No-one gave it to you, but it offers itself to you for your taking of the things it makes beautiful.
OK, this is what bugs me. It is not *offering* jack, it just is.

Which I cherish.

But am not grateful for. Gratitude is for intentional beings. To me. And being buried in the American version of gratitude which is ALWAYS about their god, seriously, I barf at them.

Helen, am gonna read thread II tomorrow. Lovely, and the limericks!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 09:06 PM

Well it's the way I see it!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 07:23 AM

Sure, Steve Shaw! I get you, but don't feel you (which is probably a good thing!)!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 01:12 PM

My mantra for getting through life is "bollocks to the lot of 'em"...!!!

.. and I spend a lot of time alone in the house
grumpily telling random inanimate objects / household appliances to "f@ck off"..

My wife really fails to understand how therapeutic that feels, but she humours me...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 01:55 PM

I'm exactly the same. And you don't want to be in a car with me when I'm on my own...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 02:31 PM

Regarding speaking to inanimate objects, I posted on here a long while back when I had a frozen shoulder and couldn't manage to do my bra up.
My husband was over in Africa and I struggled endlessly with the blooming thing.
The things I said to that bra would truly have shocked the Vicar.
But, as one of my friends pointed out,the time to worry would be when the bra answered back.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 02:40 PM

Sounds like you were pointing out too...

I'll get me coat...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 03:15 PM

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 09:31 PM

I like the idea that "you don't want to be with me when I'm alone" especially.

It looks as if I'll move from here into a long-term residential facility, all of which are hours and hours away from Charlottesville... for, like, 2-3 months.

Skip the next part if you're ooky about icky.



Also I really cannot poop, which I thought I had complained about here but apparently not, lucky you guys. Got here on a Sunday, and the following *Saturday* (after several complaints on my part I might add) there was a nurse, gloves, goop and I think a backhoe (ha ha), and a literal kilo of poop was excavated (yes, I had the sense to weigh myself before and after) over the course of about an hour and a half. Then Sunday was normal for me, and nothing since. I am taking stronger and stronger stool softeners/laxatives but they are refusing to re-excavate here (this is not a body-medical facility), I know you hope I'll keep you posted on that. Since I had my gall bladder out in 1989, I have usually produced something fairly liquid.

I think it's at least partly a reaction to no marijuana (I almost typed pot, ha ha), of which I have been a daily user since, with some breaks, 1977, and it is a great aid to gastric motility.

I looked up fecal impaction (which I don't actually have as I can, and do, still fart), and apparently it can kill you. My immediate thought was, Great, saves me the trouble.

Sigh.

More jokes after some sympathy? Recommendations for diet? I am pretty much eating salad and the occasional yogurt or egg as we don't get a lot of actual veg here, I drink so much water my pee is barely yellow at all, and I seem to not want the meat or the pasta or the other things I would normally eat, as they are not prepared the way I would have prepared them. Picky, picky. I am turning into Sally of When Harry Met Sally.

Which is a great movie.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 29 Jan 20 - 10:53 PM

You have my sympathy on that problem, Mrrzy.

My two best remedies for a dearth of poop are to either:

1. eat a couple of fresh or dried figs a day, but you might need to lower the dose when they kick in and start doing their thing.
2. take a tablespoon of psyllium (brand name here is Metamucil but I buy the bulk health food store type with no extra added anything else) mixed with say half a cup of water and chug it down as quickly as possible followed by a glass of water, or make it more palatable and mix it with orange juice.

I mix it with my blended fruit & milk shake so I don't have a problem actually swallowing the gluggy stuff. It doesn't taste bad, in fact it doesn't really have much of a taste. It's the glugginess which makes it a chore.

So it's not a great experience but it works a treat. In fact, I only have it three times a week.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 04:53 AM

Figs are indeed very good. Over here you can buy sachets of Fybogel. They contain ground ispaghula husk. Mixed with water it forms a sort of gelatinous fibre which you drink quickly. Very gentle on the gut, much better than horrible things such as Senokot, etc. That'll sort you out or I'm a Dutchman.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 04:57 AM

Ispaghula = psyllium.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 05:39 AM

Oh, I didn't know that! Cheers.

It isn't a laxative as such. It bulks out and softens the faeces so that when you go, you go. ;-). Great for anyone with, e.g., a fissure. It gives your gut some healthy work to do.   Laxatives on the other hand can make your gut lazy. I don't like 'em.

Cautionary note: I'm not a doc!

I wouldn't overdo the water drinking. Your pee shouldn't be pale all the time. All things in moderation...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 07:39 AM

Yeah, and ooh, I have a prune juice I forgot about.

Limerick challenge: Final line?

There once was a Mrrzy whose poop
Could only be found by some goop
On the hands of a nurse.
Now, what could be worse?
...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 07:40 AM

...The papers all getting the scoop?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 08:00 AM

Hahahaaaaagh Mrrzy! Very funny!

My husband gets quite poorly if he's constipated (headaches and tiredness). He uses California syrup of figs. But over the years I've persuaded him to eat more potatoes and green vegetables than white rice. And of course his hot chilli Scotch Bonnets are very ...er... effective too!
Still thinking of you and sending more 'best wishes'.
Senoufou/Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 10:13 AM

My dad always said it isn't hot unless it burns you twice.

Off to the (medical) hospital soon, good-O.

More final lines to my limerick please!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 11:33 AM

Rough cider works a treat..

Sometimes on the way home from the pub, when you least expect it..
not even a warning fart...

One unwelcome reason I've given up drinking as i've got older...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 12:12 PM

There once was a Mrrzy whose poop
Could only be found by some goop
On the hands of a nurse.
Now, what could be worse?

Her next job was making the soup

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 12:37 PM

That was inspired!

Unfiltered apple juice does it with me;
probably for the same reason as the 'rough cider' suggested.
Has to be UNFILTERED though and you gotta swallow the pulp.
Not the same effect, at all, with strained clear apple juice.
The stuff in the ground-up apple pulp is said to be
pectin, containing malic acid.
Not only promotes peristalsis (sp?)
but softens deposits in gall-bladder 'bila.'
(NOT like olive oil, doesn't expel them -- simply softens them so that
they don't trigger an attack as they are cleared out)
Same disclaimer as Steve Shaw: I'm not a doctor either.


Whatever you do, Mrrzy,
DON'T go to the Brattleboro Retreat in Vermont!
In the past ten or twenty years,
that place has changed management, and
it has got so bad that the nurses are leaving en masse.
Once it set the standard for others. Terribly sad ...
... trust the nurses on that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 01:31 PM

Than some poop and some goop on a scoop?

I'm not a doctor either but I am an "end" user of figs, psyllium and prunes. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 04:22 PM

I'm a doctor, not a pooper-scooper!

DC, you made me laugh out loud.

I told Tim I was constipated, and he said Me too, must run in the genes! I laughed myself out of the waiting room.

I am back in my clinic and theoretically unplugged. On verra.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: olddude
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 04:44 PM

I am a mathematician, I figure it out with a pencil

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 05:14 PM

Doctor with rectal thermometer behind ear - Some asshole had their pencil.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 05:15 PM

Mrrzy, I hope you won't take offense at this but as you have brought up the subject of poop:

The similar sounding River Mersey passes through several industrial towns on its way down to the sea past Liverpool. Although it has improved in recent times, it was not always the cleanest river in the world. Once there was a report of someone having fallen in the river and was feared drowned. When the question was asked "Was he able to swim to the bank?", the reply was "No, but he went through the motions".

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 20 - 08:13 PM

DC, that is a howl.

So, they are actually going to extend my stay here a few days (j'ai droit a des egards, as they say without accents). Then we shall seek longer term. Progress is being made but I do not feel safe to go home yet...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 31 Jan 20 - 05:59 PM

I just finished watching last night's episode of a re-run of Endeavour where a body was found in a sewer pit. The forensic pathologist said he'd have to go through the motions.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 31 Jan 20 - 06:17 PM

I always think that the people who have to analyse the bowel cancer screening samples are simply going through the motions...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 03:06 AM

You may have heard of a relatively recent medical breakthrough which can positively influence the gut microbiome which in turn can have a huge effect on medical and possibly even emotional health. The procedure involves depositing a poo sample from a healthy person into the not so healthy person's gut.

The proper name of the procedure is a faecal transplant , but a bright spark has dubbed the procedure a "transpoosion" (pronounced similarly to "transfusion").

I am serious. This is not a joke. Gut health is really interesting.

But the term transpoosion is funny.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 03:11 AM

Where can I get a donor's card...

"Poo donors do give a shit for the well being of other folks..."

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 08:34 AM

When I first heard of fecal transplants I thought, why haven't we already thought of that? Would have probably saved my kids' other grandmother's life from the C.diff she caught in the hospital...

Love the poop jokes. SO glad I have my sense of humor. Transpoosion, indeed.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 09:09 AM

If you hate songs about poop, or puns, do not click this link: I'M GLAD I'M WORKING DOWN BELOW

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 09:44 AM

My mum is a retired care worker,
she spent many years wiping old folks arses,
for low wages, low status, and few thanks..

She's now 87 and incontinent, wearing adult nappies,
if she can remember, or be persuaded to put them on in time.

Bum and poo jokes are an essential part of our daily phone conversations,
she finds the subject hilarious, it cheers her up.
That's the dark humour of folks who work at the arse end of society,
care workers, paramedics, etc..

One bonus of her dementia is we can say the same poo jokes day after day,
and she always finds the old punchlines fresh and funny...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 12:01 PM

Fecal matter has been found in ice served with drinks at many burger outlets (eg MacDonald's)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 12:04 PM

Wot a bummer...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: gillymor
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 02:22 PM

I guess I'll state the obvious if no one else will, this thread has gone straight into the crapper.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 20 - 05:02 PM

Talked to Tim's social worker, who says they are not talking discharge plans.

Tim thinks he's getting out on Monday or Tuesday.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 20 - 10:27 AM

Speaking of crap it wouldn't be complete without my polemic remarks such as the greatest moments in our life are often the most difficult.
Sometimes they are met with flight, panic and hiding , sometimes with obstinence and arrogance. Courage? I think that is only deciding what to do at the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Feb 20 - 03:58 PM

Good on your providers for extending your stay,
and they had better take darned good care of you --
you are precious to us all.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 20 - 05:21 PM

Mwah!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 02:15 PM

Ok I'm safe I'm safe I'm safe...

But...

Apparently in the US there is only long-term treatment for addiction, which is luckily not my issue. My current plan, which I deeply hope not to implement, is to fake-attempt suicide badly enough to be involuntarily committed but not actually kill myself.

This morning I finally remembered to write down my sister's phone number instead of waiting to push the button on my smart phone... It ends in 0486, and my brain went Oh[, yeah, I'm all] for eighty-six[ing myself].

But I am in a safe place. Still kinda farfrompoopin' but hey.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 02:26 PM

My sister emotionally blackmailed our family with 'failed' attempts for decades..

Paracetamol mostly..

It was only after she went on extended holiday to USA she was found dead in a cheap motel...

Unclear circumstances - but enough to satisfy the busy indiferent local cops and coroner...

Nah.. pleas for help attempts are not too good a plan,
no matter how well measured and controlled;
certainly not in unfamiliar circumstances.....

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 02:48 PM

punkfolkrocker, I'm so sorry about your sister. How very tragic and sad.

And Mrrzy, I do so hope you can get through these feelings of despair.
Please please do not do anything risky or dangerous. We all care about you and wish the best for you.
My heart truly goes out to people suffering from depression and utter hopelessness.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 04:13 PM

Senoufou, merde alors, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 06:41 PM

Please, Mrrzy, forgive me if I sound dim,
but I need to get this straight:

"apparently in the US there is only ..."
Something more is implied than stated, yes? as in,
insurance coverage? covering the costs?
'Cause you didn't come out and state as much,
but that is how I read it.

So, you need more help, and you know that you need it,
but the difficulty is paying for it?

so unfair ... (if true)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 20 - 09:09 PM

Lost my post. This one isn't as well-phrased as the original, but here we are.

It's not that I can't use what is there, it's that there is no there, there. Places that claim to be long-term residential are, when you call them, crisis stabilization (which is where I am, a 2-week program that I am already in week 3 of) or rehab. There is no long-term mental health care for the actually mentally ill. Treat'm and street'm, since the 70's or so. I blame the insurance companies actually, what a racket.

Thanks for following up, keberoxu and y'all.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 05:53 AM

Mrrzy, now you are making me really get worried about you.

Is there any type of crisis counselling service which may have information about or access to a place where you can be safe?

Please don't do anything to endanger your safety.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 08:32 AM

Please worry about me! I consider that to be good vibes!

I am desperately suicidal still if I have to spend any time with just me, who used to not even exist, but has progressed, yes, it's progress, to a black hole of despair, unless in I am in co-anything with other people. I have a meeting today with someone who knows more about other options than I do or can discover more than I can from the Internet (I don't think I am using the current jargon in my searches, for instance). If they have to kick me out (well, graduate me) they may be able to send me to a hospital for some interim while waiting for a longer-term residential program. I might be able to do intensive outpatient if I have a psych-specializing social worker or something living in or at least at night...

I *have* gone from Oops-alone-die-right-now to being able to be alone for maybe an hour or more (with tv or a puzzle book or reading book, not really if I'm in bed with nothing) before things start talking to me (not like hearing voices, but let's say I am not thinking of suicide but then I see some coins and it's Oh, you could choke on those if you tried, wouldn't that be great, it would all be over, then.

As a really small child, say, from about 3 on, if I cried, my sisters and mom would literally point and laugh, ha ha isn't it funny that Mrrzy is crying about *that* (or again, or something), so I never learned to regulate emotions that made me cry. If Daddy were home (note, he gets a capital letter), he would comfort me, so I at least had him for that. But if I got mad, he was all Don't you talk to your mother like that, so I lost even him. If I was *crying* out of anger, he would comfort me, so mad => sad, again, training from a tiny tot never to get angry but only to "get my feelings hurt" instead. Plus he went to work and even traveled, so intermittent reinforcement, great training tool, that.

This went on all through my adolescence - If it was just mom, as 2 sisters all went off to college when I was 11 and the other when I was 13, she [mom] would try to help (and say all the wrong things, but she would try), but if any of my sisters were home from college the two, or three, would point and laugh. Actually it went on pretty much till the Beirut bombing.

It continues today with the sister who had to raise me and whom I love like a mother: just this past $mas I was reminded of mom saying I liked to get lost in department stores (which I only remember happening once, looking up from the pantleg I was clutching to find it wasn't Daddy, terrifying); when I had asked mom about that at some point, she told me it actually happened a lot, but that I did it on purpose). And my sister burst out laughing and told me that mom actually used to *ditch* me in department stores, for fun.

How bloody awful was that, eh. Both the ditching, and even more so the laughing about it.

My anger is buried, way, way below my grief, and it is those which make up that black pit of despair. It is a 3-year old's grief that I would rather die, apparently, than face. And under that, all the anger ever.

Decades of therapy have not accessed that pit till now, as I have never had to be alone for as long as being an empty-nester involved. So I have a lot of work to do, but I *will* get there because I really don't, intellectually, want to die, and I have the psych training to have recognized the suicidal impulses and gotten help every time. You guys are a [literal] life- [figurative] -line.

My problem with this place (my crisis clinic, not Mudcat!) is they do a lot of training on how to get away from your emotions so you can deal with life, whereas I need more training on how to get *into* my emotions so I can live with myself. Once I have that I'll be able to use the getting-away stuff which I will also need for living in the actual social human world.

Whew. Thanks again.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 08:56 AM

Mrrzy, thank you so much for your post. It helps us understand your past and how it has affected your personality and your mind.
It would seem that you were the victim of psychological abuse as a small child, and this can damage someone dreadfully.
There is distress, resentment, sorrow and anger there. And a seeking of a solution involving self-destruction to escape the pain and as a strange kind of retaliation.
I imagine that 'sitting with yourself' is very difficult, as being alone only brings to the fore all these toxic feelings, memories and ideas.
Please dear Mrrzy try to persevere with your rehabilitation and see that your life is there for you to live. You have an absolute right to seek happiness, and a better existence after sorting out all these sorrows.
Sending yet more good wishes and an old lady's affectionate hug.
Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 10:04 AM

Je fais tous mes efforts!

Yeah, and even the cruel sister didn't *hit* me, she was extremely skilled at saying exactly the most hurtful thing at exactly the worst time in exactly the worst tone of voice to make me cry, so they could all have a good laugh. Her issue with me was that for 5 years she'd been the youngest, and when she was told a baby was coming, nobody told her I would *stay*.

When Daddy was killed she went into an I'm so sorry Mrrzy that I was so horrible to you as I realize now that if it had been you that died and I had never been nice to you I would have felt so much worse, so she and I are OK now.

And the eldest, who was forced at age 7 to raise me as mom wouldn't, is coming today and we will have a family therapy thing which will be great. Not her fault she spoiled me rotten, a) she was 7 and b) mom would yell at her if I cried, apparently, but then turning around and blaming me for *being* spoiled and awful, which she still does, laughing, has got to stop.

I don't want to *blame* her but I do want her to take responsibility. And "I can't talk to my 'mother' that way" - not without help. I tried to talk to the middle of my older sisters but she, wisely, bailed on being in the middle.

I actually love my family.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 10:56 AM

Holy cats, Mrrzy, was your Dad killed in the barracks bombing in Beirut? I've been dropping in and out of this thread, and I haven't put in my two cents before now because ... well, because I was too preoccupied with work, and family, and the weather, and the usual quotidian crap. But until today I did not realize that you're a military brat.

Military life is so hard on families, especially little kids, and the lip service so glibly poured out these days by the great and the good -- "Our families are our strength!" -- brings me out in a rash. If the families are so important, why is so little done to make their lives even a little less stressful and chaotic? And what the adults experience as stress often comes through to their children as unnameable terror. Some military parents manage to buffer the effects of their careers on their kids, but many just shrug off the problem in the belief that it can't be that bad if the kids have a roof over their heads and enough to eat. In fact, military people usually have so little control over their own lives that they convince themselves that they can do nothing for their children. Or they get out of the service, but that is usually a last resort, undertaken only when the family is in dire distress.

I know the black despair you describe; I lived with it for many years. But I am one of the lucky people for whom Prozac actually works, and I live in Canada where being sick is not necessarily a sentence of bankruptcy. I am also blessed with the love, support and respect of both my brothers; without their help, I could easily have wound up under the wheels of a bus. (That thing you mentioned, looking at a random object and imagining how you could use it to kill yourself -- yup. Done that.)

I sincerely hope you find a safe place, or find someone who will help you find a safe place, to continue your recovery. From what you have written here, I'm guessing that you're at that point in the disease where the coping skills you learned in youth don't work any more and you have to build a new set for your current stage of life. The trouble is that, at the same time, you also have to deal with all the unresolved pain and misery that the coping skills held at bay. It's not a program to be undertaken on a tight schedule. I reckon it took me about ten years.

Keep writing. We'll keep reading.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 12:31 PM

Mrrzy - Hi, just noticed your PM.. I don't like PMs, I prefer to talk openly in the forum..
When I see my PM count has gone up by one [occasionally, every few weeks..],
I automatically assume it's a mod and I'm in trouble...

Ok.. I'm not a good sympathetic person to talk to in private about emotions and mental health,
I don't want to be the person who says the wrong thing at the wrong time..

ie.. there are times I could so easily have got angry with my sister, and called her bluff..
Fortunately that never happened...

My sister had complex problems which manifested as egotistical self obsessed manipulative control freak behaviour.

She had my parents constantly at her mercy and bidding,
mum and dad living in fear of her next suicide attempt.

I seriously believe mental health professionals and therapists made her worse, not better...
She became increasingly involved in international 'self help' groups.
Some which appeared to me too close to being exploitive cults..

Her extended journey to America may have been centred on such groups.
My mum would never tell me anything about what my sister was doing,
as if she'd been sworn obediently into silence.
I only found out my sister had drained my mums life savings to fund her trip,
after her death..


My sister became an increasingly difficult person to like.
I lived too far away to be involved, so it was easier for me to put her out my mind.
I even ended up phoning my parent less regularly..
from once a week to at worst 2 or 3 times a year.
Because every call was dominated by what my sister had just done
to upset my parents.

I had enough of my own problems and depression,
and thinking about my sister could take me over the edge into bad dark despair sometimes..
This went on for about 30 years...

Her [suspicious ???] death abroad caused immense practical problems for me,
Some still tangled up and unresolved.
After nearly a decade, I still haven't faced up to opening the box of her personal effects,
which took bloody ages and a lot of expense to get released and delivered
back to us in England..
I've been too busy dealing with my mum's dementia, which has taken over my life.

I'm not a writer, I haven't got time or need to delve into her life looking for a story..
Though our house is now full of her filing cabinets and hard drives, gathering dust.
I can't dispose of them.
She was a copious self indulgent writer of self analyis,
tutored by therapists into blaming family and whoever else..

I can only imagine what she wrote about us on the internet..
Actually, I'd prefer not to..

Now she's gone,
I'm not one of those people who get's obsessed for years campaigning for the truth,
and seeking suspects to accuse and bring to justice..

Life's too short, and I'm to tired.
Most importantly, mum is much happier now she is over the grief...

Frankly, not having my sister around is a huge relief, because I couldn't cope
with the demands of having to look after her as well..

Like I said, I'm not the best bloke to talk to about problems..
I have my own views on suicide, best kept to myself.
Mostly I'd want to deter folks from such final 'solutions'..

HOWEVER this has been about my experience and perceptions of my sister,
YOU Mrrzy are an entirely different person, I don't know you..

But I join all others here in wishing you well managing your life,
but most importantly, keeping your life going for as long as possible...

You are obviously valued by mudcatters

[I don't think we are a dodgy internet cult...???]...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 01:10 PM

Mrrzy - sorry if that was a bit over the top.. or maybe that's the kind of chat you'd have wanted in PMs..

Whatever, that's more serious personal stuff than I usually say over several months..
and I had to stop writing more..

Basically, not just my sister who may or may not have ended it ?
I've had my share of experiences with family and old band mates who did definitely do the deed;
not just threatened it, or tried and failed several well measured attention seeking attempts..

Nobody comes out of it well...
Especially when family find a nasty bloody mess to clean up..

Even when I'd been in darkest black dog despair in my youth,
I never considered suicide as an option..

Though there are specific very limited physically painful circumstance
when I can understand and wouldn't stop someone close resorting to it.
But personally I'd demand more morphine...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:09 PM

Hi Mrrzy,

Thanks for your explanation. I can relate to some of what you are saying. I cry when I am angry because I feel powerless when I am angry and my natural instinct is to lash out at people. That sounds like a simple statement but I did not understand that until I was about 30, i.e. over 30 years ago.

Having made the connection between anger and powerlessness has helped me to "put a lid" (most of the time) on my impulsively angry outbursts and to channel the anger into researching and understanding the situation so that I can a) work out what I can do about it and b) take that action using controlled emotions and strategies. That was extremely useful in my last job because I was a union delegate and I could also be part of the process to help others to find solutions for issues they were facing.

You seem to be making a lot of progress in your life.

Hang in there. Look for support networks and systems so that you are not on your own. I don't just mean when you are literally on your own, but in working towards better outcomes in your life.

The chorus of this song has been popping into my head and it is what I hope for you:
The Master's Apprentices - It's Because I Love You

"Do what you want to do, be what you want to be, yeah"

But, by trying to search for that song I just found the lyrics of another song that I have never heard:

T-Connection - Do What You Wanna Do

Everybody's startin' to pick on you
Just can't let them tell you what to do
You've only got one life, so live it cool
In this world of strife, you can't be a fool

Don't let nobody tell ya what to do
You gotta be your judge, and your jury too
Don't let nobody tell ya what to do
Gotta be your judge and jury too

This website helped me enormously when I was being bullied by the manager at work, i.e. when I posted the "Help, lost my sense of humour" thread.

Bully Online

I didn't even know I was being bullied until someone at work finally talked to me instead of ignoring my pain and she mentioned the word "sociopath". I looked it up online and found Tim Field's website.

Suddenly I could see more clearly what that person had been doing, not just to me but to a whole series of people. It has helped me since then because instead of struggling to identify what a bully or sociopathic personality is doing, I can see it for what it is very quickly. Knowledge is strength. Knowledge isn't the complete solution but it provides a window into creating strategies to deal with the issues.

I am going to send a brief PM to you because there is information about a friend of mine which I would like to share with you.

I am wishing you all the best in life.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:16 PM

Punkfolkrocker, the pm was an aside, no issues about discussing it here.

Charmion, no, I am an *embassy* brat. Dad was a pacifist, who was killed in the embassy bombing. "The body of the 17th American was [left] in Lebanon according to his family's wishes" - that was us.

The bombing of the barracks was understandable and acceptable and not terrorism, as killing occupying military is the job of the people being occupied, especially as said occupiers had joined the military voluntarily, whereas Dad had been told it was safe. Reagan had ordered the barricades dropped and restaffed with civilians and non-essential personnel, over the advice of the State Department who knew it was basically bait. In fact when mom and I got the call that he was being sent there and we asked if it was safe, he laughed, How many housing officers have ever been killed in the line of duty?

Apparently, one.

Anyway, these wonderful folks want me out of here tomorrow or the day after, as it is a 2-week program and my 2 weeks were actually up last Saturday, plus I take up 2 beds as they can't match the gender of anybody who isn't cis so I don't get a roommate. However, no long-term thing, so they are working on Do I have a list of people I can call, which I do, and that is where I was before I came here, so I am not really happy with this, but they are right, I can't stay here.

Oops gotta go. More later. Where in Canada, Charmion?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:25 PM

Your meeting with this other person today
might open doors that you didn't know you could knock on,
and if this person has professional expertise in the field
then they know one heck of a lot more than I know,
because I am no expert.

But I really saw red, when reading:
"Places that claim to be long-term residential are,
when you call them, crisis stabilization or rehab."
True of many establishments, this cannot be denied --

but surely not every last one of them --
especially on the East Coast of the US,
which has people/corporations with deep pockets
AND cutting-edge schools and places of higher learning.
Don't give up now!
There HAS to be something that will help you
more than the places you have eliminated thus far.

I'm looking at a web-page right this moment, for one place.
Here's a quote:

"We treat the individual, not the diagnosis.
Diagnostic labels cannot capture the essence of an individual's struggles or strengths,
and they often obscure what people have in common. . .
[Many of our patients] seek treatment at [name withheld]
because they need a different approach,
and many opt to stay in our long-term residential treatment program
following an initial evaluation and treatment period."

I'll send you a PM with more.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 02:34 PM

Oh, and as to the question
"do you have a list of people you can call" --

you got US and don't you forget it.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 03:34 PM

About the long-term stuff, yeah, it says that on their websites, but then when you call, it turns out not to be the case. So far. I got a few more name of places, and had totally forgotten about NAMI (nat assoc mental illness) which I could totally consult.

And, yeah, y'all are almost at the top of my list of people to lean on, only behind the friend who is not only a shrink but also my almost-next-door neighbor.

And I haven't heard from Tim that he's out yet but I think he's on his way home...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 04:04 PM

Hey, Mrrzy -- I live in Stratford, the seat of Perth County, Ontario, about two hours west of Toronto. My husband grew up in southwestern Ontario and went to high school here. I spent most of my life in Ottawa, but we moved to Stratford in 2017 when my husband got out of the army so we could have a house with a garden and a fireplace. Along with that, we lucked into a much easier winter and all the pleasures of small town life.

Embassy brat, eh? That's like being a military brat but with better education, nicer clothes and less company. You're still playing second fiddle to your parents' careers, living where The Job has put you without regard for your needs let alone wants, and dependant on your parents and siblings for the connections and support "civilian" kids get from a wide network of kinfolk and friends. I went to high school with many dip kids and never envied them; they were polished and accomplished, but never seemed to belong anywhere in particular.

Incidentally, you are literally the only American I have ever heard -- for lack of a better word -- refer to the October 1983 barracks bombing as an attack on an occupying power, which of course it was. I once met a survivor of the embassy's Marine detachment who also by chance avoided being blown up in October; he both could not bear to talk about it and could not stop, and insisted on doing so in French. (Very weird, but an effective "this really isn't me talking" technique.)

I have great sympathy (or empathy, I'm not sure which word is better) about your problem of finding a place to do the next stage of recovery. When you're sick, it is so hard to hunt frantically, identify a potential spot, call up, and be told No over and over again.

Is it too disingenuous of me to suggest that a non-binary person could room with cis people of either gender?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 08:32 PM

Yeah really about the roommate thing. If it's to prevent hankypanky they shouldn't allow 2 lesbians/gay men to room together, right, but they don't ask about that, now, do they.

Also Dad was a consultant for years, so though his office was at the embassy, we actually stayed in the same country from my ages of 5 to 20 with a slight aside at ages 9-11. He didn't actually join the state dept till I was half-way through college, so it was the embassy types who left me behind all the time rather than me moving a lot. Lucky in one sense (I did belong somewhere and have a real hometown), unlucky in another (I do not deal well with abandonation, as we call it)...

I've been to London ON, are you near there?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 08:12 AM

Stratford sits on Highway 7 (and the rail line that runs parallel to it ) almost precisely half-way between London and Kitchener. My husband, known to many here as CET or Himself, goes to London frequently to work on his doctoral studies at the University of Western Ontario. Kitchener is where I go for the monthly drug dose that keeps my asthma in check. Each way is a journey of about 45 minutes by car; public transport options have pretty well disappeared.

How ya doin’ today?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 05:36 PM

It takes 18 to 30 days, sometimes more for endorphin balance and detoxification. 14 days is absurd.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 07:40 PM

Get home safely and let us know you got there when you may.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 10:55 AM

At least, you are far enough south
not to be dealing with ice this morning.
Please take care, regardless.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:42 PM

The existence of threads like this make me remember why I have been grateful for Mudcat since 1996.

imagine 12 paragraphs of detailed memories here

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:44 PM

Bill D, you rock, and so does Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:54 PM

There's so much support on here isn't there? Like the 'Mudcat Recovery Ward', where folk feeling poorly can get together and feel cared about.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 07 Feb 20 - 01:03 AM

I have an issue with my car stereo. I can't pick the albums or artists to play, I just have to let it play through the hundreds of songs on the USB. This morning when I got into the car this song was playing.

Pavlov's Dog- Mersey

The name Mersey is pronounce Merzey so of course I thought of you, Mrrzy.

[If you are wondering how I stumbled on Pavlov's Dog, you can thank one of the many share-house flatmates I have known over the years when I was a student. One of the best benefits of living in share houses was to hear each other's favourite music.]

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Feb 20 - 11:44 AM

Mrrzy, friend, hate to be a noodge,
but we've left you alone all weekend
and SOME of us need to know
that you are here this week!

Please check in here!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 12:01 AM

Hi y'all, I was 5 days in the actual hospital on the psych ward with no phone or internet at all at all, but I'm home again and much, much better.

I have hired a night babysitter/home health caregiver for the first few nights who should be here any minute, as I was never alone and am worried about that - days I can go to a free outpatient thing.

I was touched and pleased all cherished-feeling to see this thread still so high on the list!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 11:29 AM

Glad to see you back on the board, Mrrzy, and sounding a bit sunnier.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 05:48 PM

Your choices and decisions sound like healthy ones.
Stay healthy and stay in touch.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 05:52 PM

Per ardua ad astra. Through struggle or adversity to the stars.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 06:44 PM

Mrrzy, this thread is 'high on the list' and so are you! I'm very pleased you're getting along and doing the best you can to rise up.
Everyone is keeping you in their thoughts I'm sure.
Meilleurs voeux et vite récuperation! Dew yew keep a-troshing!
Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 10:39 PM

Wow it is good to be back, enfin.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Feb 20 - 12:15 PM

... and mind the external weather, as well --
I hear there's another winter storm on the way.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 13 Feb 20 - 07:01 PM

Glad to hear you are doing better, Mrrzy!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 13 Feb 20 - 07:21 PM

Mrrzy, I've been off Mudcat for several days--just too busy and tired. Now that I'm here, I'm glad to see you have been improving and am sending you my belated welcome home.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 09:01 AM

Thanks, sweetie.

Yeah, nothing like feeling well (enfin) to realize how ill one's been. I feel just fine, but unlike Uhuru, who was busy, I am monitoring.

I haven't felt this well in *years* - especially without meds.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 12:29 PM

Oh Mrrzy, what excellent news! I'm so pleased that you're feeling much better. I expect everyone on here is giving un grand ouff de soulagement!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 02:03 PM

Your news is the best possible outcome. Thanks for telling us!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Feb 20 - 10:22 PM

Refreshing for those who might have missed
the latest very reassuring updates, previous.

Now, because Mrrzy has been so candid in their posts
about looking into different lengths of care:

here is more encouragement, should it be needed,
to consider long-term treatment -- it IS out there --
once one is discharged, "safe," and out of the danger zone,
and feeling better.

Because, I have looked around, and in fact it is true:
there are treatment facilities that
admit patients who have sought the short-term suicide-prevention treatment elsewhere,
and have been stabilized already.
By this I mean, institutions that prefer
NOT to do the acute secure-ward treatment,
but to do the long-term follow-through work
in order to ensure that one does not repeat the
'danger zone' experience.

It's Mrrzy's and their caregivers' call, of course.
But, for heaven's sake,
if more attention is called for and needed:
don't stop here,
go on out there and get what you need.
We'll be behind you all the way.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Feb 20 - 08:23 AM

Charlottesville has a free outpatient peer therapy thing, which I go to sometimes, especially the writing and music groups.

I have stopped the night nurse as when I am sleepless I am ok in my head in my bed. While I am sleepless a lot, it's ok as it is so nice to be ok in my head in my bed.

And I am re-decluttering. I had thought I was only still hoard-y in my bedroom but the house was ok... Um... Had thought, yeah. I am down to a huge pile of papers a friend will help me with, and one still-unpacked suitcase from my trip to France which I will likely get to today.
And a few other miscellaneous piles of things.
And a give-to-Goodwill mountain to go into the car which got crashed into, again, last week.
And small hills of mending and dry-cleaning.

No injuries in the car crash but that door is now sensed as open though it won't. Someone changed lanes in the intersection into which I was right-turning after stop as nobody was (at that time) in the rightmost lane, but I got charged with failure to yield, which charge I will contest. There had been nobody to yield to.
In the monitoring department I was totally unfazed at the time. It ought to have scared me, somehow.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Feb 20 - 08:45 AM

... that's the passenger door, right?
Not the driver's door, where you were.
Expletive deleted. Life happens.

So relieved to hear that you are feeling better in solitude.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Jack Campin
Date: 17 Feb 20 - 11:26 AM

Looking at the ingredients in Night Nurse,it seems messing with your head is exactly what it's designed to do.

Paracetamol (US: acetaminophen) - painkiller with serious acute toxicity hazard in overdose
Promethazine - sedative antihistamine/antipsychotic
Dextromethorphan - NMDA receptor blocker - similar but milder action to ketamine

In the UK you need to talk to the pharmacist in person before you can buy it.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 17 Feb 20 - 11:32 AM

Last times I was in hospital, the night nurses kept waking us up..

Not the most persuasive name for a product supposed to facilitate a good night's kip...???

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Feb 20 - 08:17 AM

Haha! No, I had a human being with nursing training come in at night! The idea was that if I wasn't ok in my head in my bed there would be a trained person there to help. Nwver heard of that drug. Paracetamol now gives me the same awful stomachache as codeine. Dommage... I used to like codeine.

Piles for goodwill are in my car, and mending and drycleaning are at their respective services.

Yes backseat door, again evidence that I was already in the lane when the other driver joined me there.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 18 Feb 20 - 08:53 AM

Piles never gave me goodwill...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 18 Feb 20 - 02:17 PM

Mrrzy, when you said about the night nurse I thought you meant a human being and I was happy that you had someone there to keep you safe, and then I got confused when Jack Campin posted about the drug concoction. Thanks for clarifying that.

Well done with the clearing out. I'm good at procrastinating on that and my house really needs it. I'll get started soon. I think. Maybe. LOL

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Feb 20 - 04:19 PM

Night Nurse can be bought online, or over the counter, without any need to consult a member of staff.

https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/aches-pains/a8161/night-nurse/

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Feb 20 - 08:08 AM

Punkfolkrocker, yeah, I was wondering who would notice that!

The joke was, what is a drink made of vodka and Milk of Magnesia? The desired answer was a Phillips screwdriver. I guessed, a pile driver.

Don't know if the Brits have Phillips' Milk of Magnesia anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Feb 20 - 10:57 AM

In reading this thread I could hardly wait to say: Somewhere I read that 'anger is grief turned inward.' For some reason that is a comforting, life-affirming thing to me.
Mrrzy, I wish you the best; I have every confidence you will come out on the other side. Who once said that the 'unexamined life isn't worth living'? Going through what you have has forced you, at the very least, to examine your inner workings as thoroughly as the outer. You are way ahead of a lot of us.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Feb 20 - 08:26 AM

Yeeeeeears of therapy. Strongly recommended to all. Thanks, Ebbie.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Feb 20 - 10:23 AM

Almost all of Woody Allen's movie themes emerged from topics discussed in his psychotherapy sessons which he has done for yeeeears.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 20 - 02:30 PM

Will you need to replace your car?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 11:58 AM

I was planning on getting another car at any rate [well, not financing]... I had been carshopping in the fall but realized I was way too depressed to make decisions involving that kind of money. I plan on restarting the search soon. It'll be the first time I buy a car while the car I have is still running! Who needs that back door to open anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 01:49 PM

Hi Mrrzy,

Is your car still a Toyota Corolla? My current Corolla is 15 years old and still going strong. I have had two Corollas and one Camry in my 40-something years of driving life. They have all been fantastic. My dear departed Dad was a motor mechanic and he always had Toyotas, from when he started working on them in about the '70's.

If your car is a good one, would it be worth getting the door fixed?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 02:20 PM

Looking for another car might give you a bit of a lift Mrrzy, a sort of project. But as Helen says, fixing the door may be fairly easily done, and would be cheaper than buying another car.
We have a dear little Ford Fiesta called 'Misty', which has 70,000 miles on the clock. But it's cheap to run, Tax and insure. The only problem is that the men at the carwash use high-pressure hoses, which has taken off large chunks of the paint on the front bumper. It won't rust (made of plastic) but Misty looks as if he has leprosy!
What's your dream car Mrrzy? Husband says he'd like 1) a Range Rover Evoque and 2) a Mini Countryman, both in taupe. I'd like that too. We merely need to win the Lottery!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 04:16 PM

If you go to a dealership to fix the door they will tell you there is one replacement part found in Hawaii but is on vacation and won't be available unless you place a rush order.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 05:08 PM

I am not fixing it. It is already totaled. And no, I killed my Corolla, which should have been impossible. This was/is my rebound car I only got to tide me over till I found the car I wanted, but by now (got it in 2012, it is a 2006) I love love love my Ford Fusion.

I want a stickshift with a rear windshield wiper. I want it to be purple but that ain't happening. 4 doors. Not too small, not too large...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 05:33 PM

Purple! Yes!

Hubby & I went to a car sales place a few years ago to pick up his car after a service. As we were heading for the front door I was mesmerised by a purple Ford V8 on display. Like a moth to a flame.

Hubby just about had to drag me away from it, saying, "You don't need a V8!"

Yes, but it's purple! It was a sort of iridescent type of paint. Very difficult to resist. But no, I don't need a V8.

I have thought about getting my current car spray painted purple but it's 15 years old now so, not worth it. If I get another car it will probably be my last car ever, so I'm going to do my darndest to make sure it's purple.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 07:12 PM

feel like paraphrasing:

"when I am old,
I shall drive a purple car ... "

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 07:56 PM

Absolutely, keberoxu!

That poem has been my life goal for many years and now I AM old I can start putting it into practice.

I especially like the title:

Warning, by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Feb 20 - 07:36 AM

Love it

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Feb 20 - 01:40 PM

Hmm had a longer post... Meant to say I musta been old a long time ago!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 25 Feb 20 - 01:46 PM

Yeah! Me too, Mrrzy!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Feb 20 - 05:04 PM

Earning money in grim reaper times like these might help. Without taking advantage of anyone there are ways. People will be home surfing the net.
One is already late to the futures market.
You remember the chinese proverb about times of misfortune have opportunities.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 02:26 PM

Hope your spirits are on the up side.
Here it is what the Scottish call "dreich" --
grey and drizzling rain. Dampening in more ways than one.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 09:08 AM

That word so looks like it would sound like what it is!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 09:47 AM

In Stratford, it's snowing and the wind is blowing the snow all over the damn' place. I don't like being out in it, but I rather enjoy looking at it from indoors, especially if I can be holding a nice, hot cup of tea, or perhaps the cat, while I do it.

It's not really schadenfreude; I like to think I'm being properly grateful for my good fortune! And I feel genuine sympathy for my poor neighbour, who's walking his dog past the window as I type.

Happy Thursday, Mrrzy. One of the particularly good things about Thursday is that the New York Times crossword puzzle is always pleasantly challenging but not willfully knotty on Thursdays.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Feb 20 - 10:03 AM

My one happy morning in Dec was the day it snowed.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Feb 20 - 11:22 AM

Well, December is past,
and it will be March very soon.
Hoping March is not too tempestuous for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 28 Feb 20 - 05:51 PM

Regarding purple, I forgot to tell you that when I left work last year to retire I had my hair dyed purple. Unfortunately it's not that in-your-face bright fluoro purple but I like it. I especially like the looks of disdain that some people throw me. It makes me laugh.

As Popeye used to say, "I am what I am and that's all that I am!"

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 09:39 AM

I keep thinking of dyeing my hair purple... My eldest sister has a streak that goes purple or pink or blue as the fancy strikes her. I think I should wait till I find a job, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 02:17 PM

Are you casting a wide geographical net
in your job search,
or keeping it very local?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 02:23 PM

I had purple hair for a short while a long time ago..

.. a risk of partying and getting very drunk with punk rock bands...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 02:27 PM

but at least I survived that youth lifestyle without getting piercings or tattoos...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 02:58 PM

There is some really good temporary hair colour called hair chalk. It only lasts one or maybe two washes. There is a big selection of colours in my set. It's fun. You can change your hair colour as often as you like. Go rainbow if you want!

Yes, I waited until leaving work to go wild with the hair colour. I have been saying for years that I would dye it purple when I could stop applying for jobs but then they threw us a curve ball in 2016 and told us we had to work 90 km or 60 miles south of here so I had to start applying for jobs again in my early 60's. Grrrrr!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 03:23 PM

I tried hair chalk, it did not color my hair. I assume I did it wrong...

Yes, local. But there are a ton of schools here not hiring me. Yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 03:26 PM

I got ambushed with a purple dye aerosol spray..

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 04:12 PM

Isn't it a shame Mrrzy that potential employers can't see past a person's exterior? One's hair colour shouldn't matter should it?
There must be lots of formally-presented, immaculate candidates who are actually totally unsuitable for a post.
You do sound very positive though, which I'm so pleased to note.
Keep going my friend!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 01 Mar 20 - 03:15 PM

Why this 11-year-old is getting injections to block puberty

This article relates to a TV documentary which will go to air tonight. I'm not sure if people outside of Oz would be able to view it on iView after it airs.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Mar 20 - 06:28 PM

They can remove breast buds surgically so they don't grow, no?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 01 Mar 20 - 07:15 PM

Hi Mrrzy,

Was your hair damp when you applied the chalk. Also if you have darker hair it wouldn't show up as brightly as it would on lighter hair. More like a purple sheen than bright purple.

I'm not sure about the surgery options. The medical profession is very clever these days.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Charmion
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 10:43 AM

Mrrzy, that kind of surgery is often barred by the ethics code of state and provincial medical associations except in very rare cases, and the onus is very much on the patient (or, more correctly, the patient's parent or guardian) to prove that it is in the patient's best interest.

In Canada, the medical professions clearly prefer to avoid irreversible treatment for gender dysphoria in any person who has yet to reach the age of majority. Huge malpractice liability is thus ducked.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 03:07 PM

Charmion, I agree with that. An adult decision should be made by the person when s/he is an adult. Otherwise it is a legal minefield.

It's tough for the young adults having to wait to take control of their lives but I think there should be legal capability to make a decision on their own behalf.

The TV documentary link is here:

Four Corners: Not a boy, not a girl

Look for that title which was aired 3 March 2020.

It will only be available for a limited time and I really don't know if it can be viewed from outside of Australia. The link I posted before to the news article will cover most of what is discussed in the documentary.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 03:45 PM

Nipping boobs in the bud came up in that horrible "pillow angel" case where a family kept a disabled daughter from becoming an adult so they could care for her. It was gross.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 04:04 PM

God/Creator help us all. How low can some people go and still be called human?

I have not heard of that case, but please don't tell me. I've heard of enough other cases to last a lifetime.

Did you try the hair chalk again? Some people lighten a bit or all of their hair to white or blonde so that the colour shows up better. I'm "lucky". My hair is starting to go white from above my forehead and near my temples so the bright colours work really well on that part.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 05:22 PM

Being gender FREE is a much better term than gender neutral, don't you think?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 06:30 PM

Depends - I am not gender-free, I am either nonbinary or bigendered. Which is not big-end-ered.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 07:12 PM

I get the concept of non-binary now. We don't all have to fit into one or the other category of gender, or the multitude of places along that continuum. Non-binary is neither one nor the other. To paraphrase what one of the people in the documentary said, what difference does it make to other people anyway?

You are what you are. We are all what we are.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 08:18 AM

I am more both than neither, so the third-person They is kinda grammatical, includes both my inside and my outside!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 09:27 AM

In real life, I will mess up pronouns like crazy, no matter how much respect I have for people. In writing, I don't have so much of a problem. Typing filter better than mouth filter. Bottom line for me is that people would get to define themselves. Names (as in "my name is ____, but I prefer to be called ____." and gender and what clothes they want to wear or haircuts or politics or music or... you know. Their own stuff.

Every single person we meet on any given day is going to be different from everyone else. It makes my life easier if I see things like that. No round pegs or square holes. Just a pile of jigsaw puzzle pieces.

And one big problem we have with people and gender, IMO, is language. When I first started learning French, I was amazed that even objects had genders. There ARE gender neutral languages.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 05:03 PM

Jeri, we have something in common.
As fascinated as I am with languages,
gender absolutely defeats me in language.
Native speakers of languages other than English,
languages that have genders, have attempted to explain to me
what it's like to take for granted that places, things, and concepts, as well as persons, have genders.
And I just totally give up. I doubt that it will ever have sense to me.

Mrrzy, was Virginia part of Super Tuesday
or does Virginia's presidential primary election come later?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Mar 20 - 08:28 AM

We voted yesterday. Biden won though most people I know voted for Bernie.

Virginia does not register by party so republicans and independents can vote in the democratic primary if they so choose. Don't think many do, though.

French having gender doesn't bother me but German having neuter and then a)not using it for all inanimate objects and b)using it for young women (! Female virgins are neuter!) does. But there is no third-person neutral pronoun in French so him and her are used for inanimate objects, so I'm way more ok with being misgendered in French... As female as a fork/male as a
knife, fine.

Hungarian has no gender. They have words for gendered beings like man or woman, stallion or mare etc, but no grammatical gender and no gendered pronouns, not that they use a lot of pronouns anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Mar 20 - 08:43 AM

Genders in languages are an absolute scourge to decline (I'd really like to 'decline' them!) German was very hard for me to get to grips with. "Der die das den dem deren dessen ein eine einen einer einem" blah blah blooming blah!
Mandarin and Cantonese are blissful, having no definitive articles at all. One merely says 'Horse black' or 'Cat on sofa' etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 04 Mar 20 - 08:50 AM

My sister was a militant LGBT activist with some influence and power
in her regional city based community..
We were never sure if she was primarily Gay, Bi, or Asexual celibate...???

She died a few years before Transgender identity issues
became so prominent in mainstream media and culture..
But I feel fairly certain she would have felt compelled to latch on
and promote herself to prominent spokesperson...

We didn't get on too well because although I was reasonably progressive, well informed
and sympathetic to her cause,
I found her to be quite an obnoxious individual in her hostility to 'straight' society...

It complicated the usual normal sibling antagonisms...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Mar 20 - 06:09 AM

Mrrzy, have you heard the song that Ireland is presenting for the Eurovision Song Contest? It's excellent, and the video (on Youtube) expresses so well the right people have to present themselves as they wish.
The song is called 'Story of My Life' and the singer is Lesley Roy.
Hope Ireland wins with this song!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Mar 20 - 02:17 PM

I shall have to check it out, and Helen's suggestion as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Mar 20 - 12:22 PM

Here comes Daylight Saving Time,
hopping down the bunny trail --

oops, that doesn't work.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Mar 20 - 08:10 PM

nothing new to say but
keep on keeping on.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Mar 20 - 10:02 AM

You too babe!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Mar 20 - 05:46 PM

Mrrzy, are you enjoying
the daylight being around longer in the evenings?
I know that I am.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Mar 20 - 07:23 PM

Still thinking of you both. Dew yew keep a-troshing and moind yer hids!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Mar 20 - 09:26 AM

It is my birthday today! Entering my 60th year...

Still fine, too. If I have thoughts I wish I didn't, I think it's just habit. I had been down for a loooong time.

And the lovely evenings are marvy. Got stood up last night, sigh, but really enjoyed the walk home in the not-dark-yet crepuscular warmth.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 11 Mar 20 - 03:01 PM

Happy birthday, Mrrzy!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Mar 20 - 03:20 PM

Hope you have a pleasant St. Patrick's Day
for all that convivial gatherings
will be dampened from cancellations and postponements.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Mar 20 - 11:26 PM

Pi day and solstice party were canceled but not the st pat's thing... Yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Apr 20 - 08:56 AM

Still fine, but...

...the 16th was mom's birthday, here is the thread on her obit: https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=146189&messages=57

And today is the anniversary of dad's death by terrorism, back in 1983. You can check this out: https://www.iranrights.org/memorial/story/33089/albert-n-votaw

Miss'm both, every day.

Lots of family emails this week. Both still have a living brother, I still have 3 sisters. And you guys. Love you all.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Severn
Date: 18 Apr 20 - 01:32 PM

I haven't been around Mudcat much these days, but I want to add my support,friendship and good wishes to someone I have always liked posting with on various threads over the years. I'm out here rooting for you and wishing you the best......

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Apr 20 - 07:30 PM

T. S. Eliot could have been thinking of you, Mrrzy,
when he wrote that
April is the cruelest month of the year ...
and yet you have been through worse,
and you are still with us.
Don't go away now.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Apr 20 - 07:42 PM

Thanks, both of you... Severn! Hi!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Apr 20 - 05:53 PM

Mrrzy, note that Anne Lister is planning another
Quarantine Concert (live streaming folk music).

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 11:02 PM

Think positive,
no matter what warning signals
you may be sensing --
if only in order to
gird your loins against what may be coming.
Hang in there!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 08:41 AM

You too my friend. Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Jul 20 - 01:08 PM

Do I read right, Mrrzy,
that you will be teaching eventually this year --
that you have EMPLOYMENT?
I hope I got that right --
and if it's true,
hooray for you!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 08 Jul 20 - 01:40 PM

Best wishes,

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Jul 20 - 09:50 PM

Not *gainful* employment, it's volunteer, but yeah, I'm faculty again! I'm [virtually] home!

Virtual in both senses: almost, and online.

I am still *fine* and it's been since late Feb, so, yay! Still don't trust it, but enjoying it all the way to all the places I'm not actually going...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Noreen
Date: 11 Jul 20 - 08:14 PM

It’s been lovely getting to meet you Mrrzy on Monday evenings on zoom!
Keep on keeping on. x

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Jul 20 - 10:58 PM

Thanks Noreen...

In other news my nephew, his wife, and all 4 of their kids, all in Israel which reopened schools, are apparently sicker than dogs and awaiting testing. My sister, in DC, is frantic.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Jul 20 - 08:31 PM

Volunteer it may be,
but at least you have got across a 'virtual' threshold,
so you have made progress.

What a shame about your nephew and his family;
I hope your sister
has plenty of support from you and others.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Jul 20 - 09:17 AM

Just in, all tests negative.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Jul 20 - 09:48 AM

. . . so now they just have to get treatment
and start feeling better ... we hope.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Jul 20 - 10:44 AM

Circle the wagons, everybody.

(see "stay afloat" thread post)

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Jul 20 - 11:23 AM

Thanks, keberoxu!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Aug 20 - 01:50 PM

See 'check-in Mudcatters worldwide' thread for reference, and:

congratulations, Mrrzy,
on testing negative for COVID-19 after quarantining.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Aug 20 - 09:59 PM

... but, Mrrzy, one thing confuses me.

Which is "Scaramouche" --
the metaphorical hamster,
or the metaphorical hamster-wheel?
Or is he only "Scaramouche"
when he gets going on the hamster-wheel??

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Aug 20 - 11:49 AM

The hamster.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Aug 20 - 08:29 PM

Got it:
Scaramouche, the hamster.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Aug 20 - 08:31 PM

Cue Freddie Mercury:

Scaramouche,
Scaramouche,
will you do the fandango ...

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Aug 20 - 10:28 PM

Exactly where it came from. Very, very frightening.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 20 - 09:45 AM

Mrrzy, what's up with your son at the moment?

And:
have you considered adopting a cat
to replace the one
that went to live with your other son?

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Severn
Date: 05 Aug 20 - 02:05 PM

I still have yet to see your face, but I am grateful for your presence at the Monday Mudcat sing and to hear you and talking to you and having you become a little more than just a Mudcat name that always pops up in the right places and who I always enjoy talking to.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Aug 20 - 02:10 PM

Why, thanks, Severn. Aren't those great!

I am enjoying the no cat hair or litterbox, frankly. Also had long talk with that son and now completely agree with his having taken, and keeping, the cat.

Other kid is back out. Sigh. We shall see. Meanwhile thanks for the concern!

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Aug 20 - 02:52 PM

Keeping you in my thoughts, Mrrzy.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Aug 20 - 04:23 PM

Gnome mystery solved here

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Sep 20 - 11:17 AM

Keeping you in my thoughts, for certain.
Hope you are feeling less anxious.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Sep 20 - 11:24 AM

I am *fine* - still. Got a little iffy over kid issues, weathered that storm well, and now trust my wellness boat to be actually seaworthy. For the 1st 6 months out of hospital I did not trust it, I was sure another shipwreck was inevitable. Now I feel/think/know it's still *possible* -of course- but I trust it now. Amazant.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Jan 21 - 02:00 PM

Refreshing just to say it was a year ago that I fell off my perch, getting out just in time for Covid. And I'm still fine! If things bother me, which they sometimes do, the next day they don't any more, so ok.

I do find that if I eat complex carbs (pasta, bread), the next day things upset me, sometimes rather a lot. So perhaps some of my emotional troubles from before had a diet component. In contrast, a little caffeine might keep me up now, but it does not cause rage any more. I am even toying with the idea of a cup of decaf some morning.

Chocolate is still ok, no caffeine effects from it, and sweets/desserts are ok. It's just the complex carbs that destroy next day's equanimity.

So thank you all for your love and support! I am grateful to each and every one of you, and I love you all.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: Helen
Date: 17 Jan 21 - 03:21 PM

Hi Mrrzy, that's very good news.

It's interesting that you have found a nutritional link. There might be alternatives to the complex carbs you mentioned. I'm thinking of chickpea flour pasta etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
From: fat B****rd
Date: 17 Jan 21 - 03:28 PM

Best thoughts and wishes from Charlie in Dunfermline X