Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 15 Aug 20 - 03:55 PM

Thanks, Nigel!

The next round is on me.

Cheerily,
Charlie Ipcar

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Aug 20 - 09:14 PM

Here's another verse which needs some editing:

The pandemic has raged throughout this land, (10)
Trump and his cronies have sat on their hands; (10)
Thousands have died, there’s no reprieve, (8)
Leaving behind their loved ones to grieve. (9)

Again syllable count looks short on every line: (see count above)
And though I haven't mentioned it in my earlier comments it would appear that each line of the original is three amphibrachs ( .-.) followed by a dibrach (..) where the dots represent unstressed syllables, and a dash the stress.
It's a bit hard to hit straight off, but once you get a few lines in your head you should be able to 'hear' where the stress is due.
For example, I would stress the second syllable of 'pandemic', so starting a line "the pandemic" delays the stress too far.
As 'pandemic' doesn't necessarily need a positive article (unless you stress the article for effect) a line could just start with 'Pandemic'.

"Pandemic has raged for months throughout this land.
The Trump and his cronies have not raised a hand.
So thousands have died and there's been no reprieve.
Thus leaving their loved ones behind them to grieve.

Also swapping 'not raised a hand' for 'sat on their hands' improves the rhyme with line 1

Hope that will do for starters Charley.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Aug 20 - 08:45 PM

Here's another verse which needs some editing:

The pandemic has raged throughout this land,
Trump and his cronies have sat on their hands;
Thousands have died, there’s no reprieve,
Leaving behind their loved ones to grieve. (CHO)

We need another verse about Black Lives Matter. I'm not convinced that Mudcat actually functions anymore on this kind of thread. It's sad to admit that since Mudcat was so productive when I first joined 20 years ago. But so it goes.

Charlie Ipcar, aka Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Aug 20 - 01:25 PM

Oh, here's a better second line for the first verse:

The captain rants on the deck, he’s not fit to command;

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Aug 20 - 12:56 PM

Here's a possible second verse:

Children in cages, parents deportees,
Tear down this wall and set them all free;
We're all immigrants in this fair land,
If we work together, no tyrant can command.

Cheerily,
Charlie Ipcar, aka Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Aug 20 - 07:58 PM

The first verse is sounding better with some more tweaking:

Now in four long years we’ve not sighted land;
The captain paces the deck, he’s not fit to command;
The storm winds roar and the great waves roll;
Let’s seize this ship, lads, and save our poor souls!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 06:17 PM

Afraid it's not here: biggest electrical storm that Edinburgh has had in many years! So here's my take on it:

The Great Storm is not yet over,
Thunder, lightning, rages round,
Unplug your TVs and your aerials
If you don't want to hear that sound
Of your laptop, TV exploding
As the lightning strikes your house,
Just go up to your comfy bed now
Pray for silence, sleep like a wee mouse.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Mysha
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 06:07 PM

"The longest day of days" probably should be "The longest of days". That's what you get from writing something you don't want any thing to do with.

Bye
Mysha

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 05:13 PM

Not to worry.

Charlie

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 02:46 PM

Charley,
first and fourth lines still have only 10 syllables against 11 in the original.
Yes, I know it can be made to work by slurring one syllable over two notes, but the original scansion is a better starting point (in my view anyway)

Cheers
Nigel

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 02:08 PM

Here's a rework of the first verse:


Now in four long years we’ve not sighted land;
The captain's on deck, he’s not fit to command;
The winds they do roar and the waves they do roll;
Let’s now seize this ship and save our poor souls!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 02:04 PM

Nigel,

Thanks for your suggestions. I do have the tune in my head and have no problem fitting in the words I posted but I like what you've done. I do have to get rid of beginning the first verse with "For four..." Ugh!

For the cynics in this world, they can always create new verses to the old 1960s parody "We Shall All Succumb." We shall run in fear....etc.

Cheerily,
Charlie Ipcar, aka Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 12:46 PM

Here I found what seems to be a fairly accurate performance of the original song, with lyrics in writing so that the deaf may see and the "challenged" may test the scansion.

Keep them coming!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: the great storm upon us
From: Mysha
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 09:05 AM

Oh, not again! Well, I will make my point, but US partisans are advised to skip this.


The Great Storm Upon Us!
Music by Bob Franke;
words: Mysha

1
The bellowing masses rekindled the fright
A child lay unheeded, cried out in the night
Scream your heart out, now, for this I will tell
The voices of men will be forces of hell

R
Oh ve, the great storm upon us;
Lock down your doors and pray!
Oh ve, the great storm upon us;
Lock down your doors and pray!

2
They poisoned the air waves, they sent forth the fools
Where once there was singing, their hatred now rules
The hearing fall deaf, and the seeing go blind
The standards of death rising up in each mind

R

3
A war to fight wars, and no quarter allowed
All lands turned to waste, ere all vanquished heads bowed
The longest day of days will then bring us at last
A four year respite once this madness has passed.

R

4
The end of all reason: the last hundred days
The rest of the world fearing what comes our ways
Once-loved, soothing songs will become a lament
For the US election, a war without end.

R
R


I don't actually know the song, so if it sounds too much like Away in a Manger, then that's the reason. If you feel there's something that needs fixing, message me or post here and after the cease-fire I'll check whether it needs more work before the next storm.

Bye
Mysha

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 04:45 AM

Trump asked for his head on Mount Rushmore one day,
But that face in granite? The folk said "No way! -
There's only one way his enquiry makes sense,
Mount Rushmore's a tribute to dead presidents."

The verse at 8:47 needs 'rebellion' to be 3 syllables, 're-bel-yon', not 're-bel-ee-on'.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 11 Aug 20 - 01:58 AM

Greed is a natural part of our soul
They that don't fight it endanger us all
And now the whole planet has come under threat
The challenge we know and it must be met.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Aug 20 - 08:49 PM

That's it. Time for bed.
But I've got started ;)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Aug 20 - 08:47 PM

It's no longer true that 'dead white men' hold sway.
Just pull down a statue and dump in the bay.
Perhaps Greta Thunberg will send us a text,
"Extinction Rebellion", God, what will come next?

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Aug 20 - 08:42 PM

The year's twenty-twenty, a virus gets loose
Our leaders soon show us they're no bloody use
Protecting our elders, is that such an ask?
Just sanitize often, and wear a good mask.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Aug 20 - 08:34 PM

A quick look at the original Here suggests that the verse should be four lines of 11 syllables (with the exception of V1 l3: "Hush little baby, a story I'll tell," which was probably a slip)
So the additional verse is a little light on syllable count, and won't scan to whatever the tune is. So:

For four dread long years now we’ve not sighted land;
The captain, my captain's not fit to command;*
The winds they do roar and the waves they do roll;
Let’s seize this ship quickly and save all our souls!

*Sorry: quick riff on Walt Whitman's lament for Lincoln

Subject: RE: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: RTim
Date: 10 Aug 20 - 08:25 PM

Subject: Song Challenge: The Great Storm is over
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Aug 20 - 08:19 PM

Bob Franke composed the original song of this title back in 1982. It's a good song. However, the chorus keeps resonating in my head and I'm thinking there should be some new verses composed for this year of Democracy revived, thinking of November 3rd voting results. I've added one verse. How about some other ones?

Chorus by Bob Franke, © 1982 Telephone Pole Music
New verses by Charlie Ipcar and others, 2020

The Great Storm Is Over-2


For four long years we’ve not sighted land;
The captain, he’s not fit to command;
The winds do roar and the waves do roll;
Let’s seize this ship and save our souls!

Chorus:

Alleluia, the great storm is over,
Lift up your wings and fly!
Alleluia, the great storm is over,
Lift up your wings and fly!

Cheerily,
Charlie Ipcar (aka Charley Noble)