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Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'

GUEST,carterbrandon 11 Dec 20 - 11:59 AM
GUEST 11 Dec 20 - 10:40 PM
GUEST,carterbrandon 12 Dec 20 - 07:19 PM
Seamus Kennedy 12 Dec 20 - 10:51 PM
Joe Offer 13 Dec 20 - 01:25 AM
GUEST,carterbrandon 14 Dec 20 - 09:06 AM
cnd 14 Dec 20 - 10:46 AM
GUEST,Tom Patterson 16 Dec 20 - 11:31 AM
McGrath of Harlow 18 Dec 20 - 03:57 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: GUEST,carterbrandon
Date: 11 Dec 20 - 11:59 AM

I’m trying to find the lyrics to a comic song I remember being done by a floor singer at The Old Crown club in Birmingham in the 80s, who I am pretty sure was called Chris Somerville.

A hugely scatalogical piece of medical autobiography somewhat in the manner of Jake Thackray, to the tune of 'The Ash Grove / The Mayor of Bayswater’s Daughter', and titled (and chorused) ‘Boil On The Bum (titty titty...)’ it dealt with the experience of said ailment, and even included a hummed verse allowing the ‘fainthearts’ to vacate the room before going into detail. It was a masterpiece!


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Subject: ADD: Bessie's Boil (Robert W. Service)
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Dec 20 - 10:40 PM

https://lyrics.lol/artist/43283-robert-william-service/lyrics/137629-bessie-s-boil

Bessie's Boil

Robert William Service

Says I to my Missis: "Ba goom, lass! you've something I see, on your mind."
Says she: "You are right, Sam, I've something. It 'appens it's on me be'ind.
A Boil as 'ud make Job jealous. It 'urts me no end when I sit."
Says I: "Go to 'ospittel, Missis. They might 'ave to coot it a bit."
Says she: "I just 'ate to be showin' the part of me person it's at."
Says I: "Don't be fussy; them doctors see sights more 'orrid than that."

So Misses goes off togged up tasty, and there at the 'ospittel door
They tells 'er to see the 'ouse Doctor, 'oose office is Room Thirty-four.
So she 'unts up and down till she finds it, and knocks and a voice says: "Come in,"
And there is a 'andsome young feller, in white from 'is 'eels to 'is chin.
"I've got a big boil," says my Missis. "It 'urts me for fair when I sit,
And Sam (that's me 'usband) 'as asked me to ask you to coot it a bit."
Then blushin' she plucks up her courage, and bravely she shows 'im the place,
And 'e gives it a proper inspection, wi' a 'eap o' surprise on 'is face.
Then 'e says wi' an accent o' Scotland: "Whit ye hae is a bile, Ah can feel,
But ye'd better consult the heid Dockter; they caw him Professor O'Niel.
He's special for biles and carbuncles. Ye'll find him in Room Sixty-three.
No charge, Ma'am. It's been a rare pleasure. Jist tell him ye're comin' from me."

So Misses she thanks 'im politely, and 'unts up and down as before,
Till she comes to a big 'andsome room with "Professor O'Neil" on the door.
Then once more she plucks up her courage, and knocks, and a voice says: "All right."
So she enters, and sees a fat feller wi' whiskers, all togged up in white.
"I've got a big boil," says my Missis, "and if ye will kindly permit,
I'd like for to 'ave you inspect it; it 'urts me like all when I sit."
So blushin' as red as a beet-root she 'astens to show 'im the spot,
And 'e says wi' a look o' amazement: "Sure, Ma'am, it must hurt ye a lot."
Then 'e puts on 'is specs to regard it, and finally says wi' a frown:
"I'll bet it's as sore as the divvle, especially whin ye sit down.
I think it's a case for the Surgeon; ye'd better consult Doctor Hoyle.
I've no hisitation in sayin' yer boil is a hill of a boil."

So Misses she thanks 'im for sayin' her boil is a hill of a boil,
And 'unts all around till she comes on a door that is marked: "Doctor Hoyle."
But by now she 'as fair got the wind up, and trembles in every limb;
But she thinks: "After all, 'e's a Doctor. Ah moosn't be bashful wi' 'im."
She's made o' good stuff is the Missis, so she knocks and a voice says: "Oos there?"
"It's me," says ma Bessie, an' enters a room which is spacious and bare.
And a wise-lookin' old feller greets 'er, and 'e too is togged up in white.
"It's the room where they coot ye," thinks Bessie; and shakes like a jelly wi' fright.
"Ah got a big boil," begins Missis, "and if ye are sure you don't mind,
I'd like ye to see it a moment. It 'urts me, because it's be'ind."
So thinkin' she'd best get it over, she 'astens to show 'im the place,
And 'e stares at 'er kindo surprised like, an' gets very red in the face.
But 'e looks at it most conscientious, from every angle of view,
Then 'e says wi' a shrug o' 'is shoulders: "Pore Lydy, I'm sorry for you.
It wants to be cut, but you should 'ave a medical bloke to do that.
Sye, why don't yer go to the 'orsespittel, where all the Doctors is at?
Ye see, Ma'am, this part o' the buildin' is closed on account o' repairs;
Us fellers is only the pynters, a-pyntin' the 'alls and the stairs."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: GUEST,carterbrandon
Date: 12 Dec 20 - 07:19 PM

Who would have thought there'd be two of them!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 12 Dec 20 - 10:51 PM

And from the writer of The Cremation of Sam McGee, and The Shooting Of Dangerous Dan McGrew, no less.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: Joe Offer
Date: 13 Dec 20 - 01:25 AM

I hadn't seen that Robert W. Service poem before, but it's great....but I don't think that's the song that was requested. The search must go on!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: GUEST,carterbrandon
Date: 14 Dec 20 - 09:06 AM

No, it doesn't have:

1. The 'Boil on the bum titty-titty / Boil on the bum squitty-squitty / Boil on the bum titty-titty bum / titty-titty bum' chorus.

2. Verses ending with

2a. The announcement of a hummed time-out for the benefit of 'the fainthearts and fairies / Including my wife'.

2b. Detail about how 'this anal eruption' meant he 'Couldn't sit, couldn't sleep and he / Couldn't make love'.

Again, you should be able to fit this into The Ash Grove tune.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: cnd
Date: 14 Dec 20 - 10:46 AM

I'm finding little of use for the specific song you're looking for.

You mentioned the name Chris Sommerville earlier upthread. Does this Chris sound/look like the correct Chris? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9O_myn94bU

Depending on how confident you are that that's his name you could try looking for Chrises that meet the criteria.

Or perhaps the pub itself could aid you in your search: http://www.theoldcrown.com/


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: GUEST,Tom Patterson
Date: 16 Dec 20 - 11:31 AM

Re cnd's post, the Old Crown Club is now the Black Diamond Folk Club - held in a different venue now but it is the same club and several of the residents from the 80s are still involved.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 'Boil On The Bum'
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Dec 20 - 03:57 PM

Now this isn't the song you're after, but this thread brought it to mind

"My Name is David Trimble, I'm nifty neat and nimble,
On my backside there is a pimple and it festers in July
I try so hard to please it, with ointment I do grease it,
But the only way to ease it is to go marching with the boys.
Chorus
It's a little orange pimple, so soft and cute and simple.
As harmless as a dimple till the marching season comes
Then it swells with indignation, it causes irritation,
How can I sit in negotiation with a pimple on my bum?


There are lots more verses, and they are in the Frank Harte trubute book "A Living Voice" (the song is by Sean Mone)


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