Lyr Add: One of His Legs is Longer than It ...

Subject: Lyr Add: ONE OF HIS LEGS IS LONGER THAN IT ...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 05:45 PM

From the sheet music found at Baylor University (my transcription):


ONE OF HIS LEGS IS LONGER THAN IT REALLY OUGHT TO BE
Words and music by Lew Dockstader, ©1893.

1. A friend of mine once got a fall that broke his leg and arm.
The doctor set them right away, which lessened our alarm,
And as the arm grew strong again, our hearts were light and gay,
But when he tried to walk around we all began to say:

CHORUS 1: “Why, one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be!”
We all began to pity him and gave our sympathy,
But John said: “I don’t care because there’s many more than me
Who has a leg that’s longer than it really ought to be.”

2. Some time ago a dashing dude a lovely damsel met.
He told the girl he loved her so her charms he’d ne’er forget.
She learned that he was wealthy, and I know the girl was poor,
But now the girl is wealthy and the man is broke, I’m sure.

CHORUS 2: And one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.
I guess she must have pulled it till it loosened at the knee.
He used to be a model, for a splendid form had he,
But now one leg is longer than it really ought to be.

3. While riding on a railroad train, a masher chanced to see
Two girls whom he invited in the dining car to tea.
They ate up everything they saw; for more began to shout.
The masher paid the bill and from the car came limping out.

CHORUS 3: For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.
Just think of settling on a train a dinner bill for three.
Just try the same yourself some day and then you’ll quickly see
That one leg will be longer than it really ought to be.

Subject: Lyr Add: ONE OF HIS LEGS IS LONGER THAN IT ...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 05:57 PM

The above song was so popular that it was made into a campaign song for the People’s Party (a.k.a. Populist Party) of Kansas.
From a booklet: Campaign Songs as Sung by the National Quartette (Topeka: M. D. Henderson [n.d.]), page 7.—It can be seen at the website of the Kansas Historical Society.


ONE OF HIS LEGS IS LONGER THAN IT REALLY OUGHT TO BE (Campaign version)
(Sung to the same tune as the original.)

1. Once more the old Republicans are hungry for a fray.
They find when without office that the devil is to pay,
So at the beck of Leland^[1] with his apple-jack and cup,
They held a fixers’ jamboree and Morrill^[2] quick put up.

CHORUS 1: But one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.
When he goes against Lewelling,^[3] daylight he’ll never see.
He’ll wish Ed Hoch^[4] had beaten him with a piece of an elm tree,
For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.

2. Think of Blue^[5], Buchan^[6], and boodle—oh, what a lovely lot!
In choosing one for Congress, drop a nickel in the slot.
Draw out a thousand ballots, just to give the boys a chance,
And then fall back on Funston’s^[7] name—but change it first to “pants.”

CHORUS 2: For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.
The music of his gentle voice is badly out of key.
“Farewell to fog-horn serenades” will be the people’s plea,
For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.

3. Way down in Barber County is a certain Chester Long,^[8]
Who thinks he’ll go to Washington, but that is where he's wrong.
He wants to try on Jerry’s^[9] shoes—the largest in the box—
But they will never fit his shins unless he drops his socks.

CHORUS 3: For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.
He cannot fool the Populists; they have his pedigree.
The gang plank he will have to walk—no pass on Santa Fé^[10]—
For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.

4. No ring can rule this commonwealth, no money bags control—
That’s the kind of calamity we shout with heart and soul.
The soup is boiling thick and hot; they won’t have long to wait.
The Pops will down the plutocrats and drive them from the state.

CHORUS 4: For all of their legs are longer than they really ought to be
And so they try to straddle, Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
The Pops will trim their scalps this fall clear down to the knee,
For all of their legs are longer than they really ought to be.

- - -
Here’s my best guess as to the identity of the various people (and one company) mentioned in this song:
1 Cyrus Leland
2 Edmund Needham Morrill
3 Lorenzo D. Lewelling
4 Edward W. Hoch
5 Richard W. Blue
6 William Johnston Buchan, chairman of the Kansas Republican Party.
7 Edward H. Funston
8 Chester I. Long
9 "Sockless Jerry" Simpson
10 Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CANDIDATE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 05:59 PM

The following parody appeared in BuckeyeLand and Bohemia by William Henry Taylor Shade (Hillsboro, Ohio: The Lyle Printing Co., 1895), page 89:


THE CANDIDATE.

He ran for office; and, alack, it really was a sin
That one who had “a perfect cinch” at last should fail to win.
His head is big to bursting; his appetite is gone;
And so his “boodle' is; and more, his diamonds are in pawn;
The shouting of his rival's gang grates harshly on his ear;
He swears he's done with politics for many a long, long year;
He murmurs oft a wicked word beginning with a “d,”
For “one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be."

Subject: Lyr Add: HE RAN FOR OFFICE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 06:01 PM

It appears that Mr. Shade’s parody passed into folklore, because this somewhat different version with two new lines began circulating without attribution in newspapers a few years later. I found this in The Aspen Daily Times, November 17, 1900, page 4. It can be seen at the Colorado Historic Newspapers website.


HE RAN FOR OFFICE.

He ran for office (foolish man) but ‘twas a shameful sin
That one who had a perfect cinch should somehow fail to win.

His head ls big to bursting; his appetite is gone.
And so his boodle is; and all his diamonds are in pawn.

The shouting of the other gang grates harshly on his ear.
He swears he’s done with politics for many a long. long year.

He says, while vainly searching through his pockets for some cash,
The next time he will let the country go “kerplunk” to smash.

He mutters oft a wicked word beginning with a “d.”
For one of his legs is longer than it really ought to be.

—Leadville News Reporter.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: One of His Legs is Longer than It ...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 06:05 PM

From The Dental Digest, Vol. 8, No. 7 (Chicago: J. N. Crouse, DDS, July, 1902) in a section called “News Summary,” page 624:

A STAY OF PROCEEDINGS. — A lady physician in Denver recently entered proceedings against the surgeon who set her broken leg, because one limb was shorter than the other. A feature of the court proceedings is described by a local “poet," in the following lines:

"Order in the court! Of proceedings grant a stay,
A picture must be taken and taken right away.”
The lady flushed a rosy red, the jury all turned quick,
And the kodak man he kodaked 'ere any one could think.

The case it was a lengthy one, and waxed an awful lore;
The lady took her shoe off and stood upon the floor,
To show the jury plainly so that every one could see
That one leg was much shorter than it really ought to be.

The lady had been X-rayed a time or two before.
The doctors said it wouldn't do, they must be showed some more,
And then she shed her stockings, and fainted dead away
When the fiend pressed the button on his kodak yesterday.

The doctors all enjoyed it; the judge and jury smiled,
The lady may be pardoned if her looks were fierce and wild;
And doctors, judge and jury hummed an ancient memory—
"One of his legs was longer than it really ought to be.”

—Med. Standard.