New Year's Tavern 2022

Subject: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST,Ghost of Christmas passed/past/passé
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 02:50 PM

There it sits, lonely and the windows draped with cobwebs. The door knocker is green with oxided brass and the gargoyle on the roof is asleep and shivering in the cold night air. From inside come the sounds of a giant squid correcting its young and, of course, the eerie sound of the old pipe organ being played. The resident bats flutter wildly.

Outside the Cóiste Bodhar, gayily decorated with holly and mistletoe pulls up, the coachman descends, and in a deep voice says, "I've come for a drink! Open 'er up!"

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 03:00 PM

Lower your voice, please! comes faintly through the door.

Ok, growls the coachman in a rich basso profundo, how's this?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 08:53 PM

There was an Amazon driver lost up one of those small English lanes that I heard about earlier - I think he had a large box with air holes in it in the back of his van. I bet once he leaves that box on the right porch there will be more activity in the tavern. One of the attendees mailed him or herself to the venue. I'd bet money on it.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 09:05 PM

Leaving his steed lightly tied to the hitching post, he loosens his rapier in its scabbard. You never know, he thinks, and who knows what is lurking inside?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 09:44 PM

It's been a long time. As I push the squeaking door open, dust rises and momentarily resembles mosquitoes in the chilly air. I'll get the fires going and then, if the dustmop is in its usual place I'll get to it right smart.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 11:11 PM

anyone seen the giant wombat? was the box large enough to contain it?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 11:28 PM

Almost.....the box is bursting at the seams......because it contains no only the giant wombat, but something even more terrible.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 12:36 AM

eek! poor wombat

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 12:38 AM

One of the bats flies towards the door (well, in a lot of directions but averaging towards the door), coughing, and squeaking (or trying to) It's the dust! Not the virus!

But it's cold outside. Getting the coughing under control, the bat stops blowing backwards when trying to fly forwards, which bodes well for later carousing... And heads back into the Tavern, where most motes are moot, having wafted floorward, shelfward, barward and otherwards. Someone is opening windows and checking the outlets for mice...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 04:44 AM

A rather plump old lady waddles into the tavern and spots a huge spider's web hanging from the ceiling, its occupant is fat and hairy. She screams blue murder, and the dear little bat flies upwards and gobbles up the spider, to be embraced with great gratitude by the biddy. Her African husband proffers his warm feet and the bat settles comfortably on them to warm his toes.
"Any crumpets?" she asks. "Any Old Speckled Hen ale?" Big smiles as these appear at the table.
"'appy Chreeessmas every bodee!" grins the African. "And God bless us every one!" laughs Old Lady.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 07:08 AM

Two unknown individuals in masks AND Hazmat suits pulling a small wagon walk in.
We have a pizza delivery for a M. Rapper?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 07:24 AM

The Gnome opens one eye and mutters incoherently. No, it isn't the drink. It's a Covid test swab down the back of his throat...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:45 AM

At the fireplace he draws his rapier and, with a thrust worthy of Errol Flynn, neatly skewers four marshmallows and begins roasting them over the coals.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:53 AM

Heavens, how dashing! cries the bat from the left foot, in a rather obscure literary allusion... And echo answered, Count the spoons!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 09:16 AM

Tossing a prarie oyster in the air, with a blur of rapier swipes, four slices of p o peperroni fell atop a pizza. An impeccably dressed man approached and said "The Kingsmen could use a fellow like yourself".

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:02 PM

A posse of masked men (or they might be women too?) arrive at the door, brandishing - not pistols - but mobile phones. “ Here are our latest LFT results” they sing in chorus. “Can we come in?”
“Depends whether you mean lateral flow tests or liver function tests” says the mega-bat at the door; “and whether you’ve brought your own crumpets; no sharing these days unless you’ve sanitised first!”

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:41 PM

From the Pool Room Squiddy squeals, "No, not in the hot tub!" and a giant tentacle sweeps the disinfectants to the floor and well away from the hot tub.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 12:44 AM

The squid! The squid!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 04:59 AM

I know I'm barred from the tavern(honestly when I booked "Ghislaine's Girls" I thought they were a tapdancing troupe!). Just to say, don't drink from the jello pit. It's been filled with Covid Vaccine.
RtS

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 07:09 AM

Max arrives late with a large sack on his back brimming with home spit Covid tests. Dave the Gnome perks up yelling "Lets test the bats"!
The Auroch brushs the pangolin aside and begins feeding at the jello pit. Squiddy, dangerously over heated, leaves the hot tub and is flopping toward the cool lime green jello.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 10:11 AM

One particular bat wonders who gave those pepperoni slices that rapier to brandish...

Having warmed sufficiently, said bat makes a grateful guano deposit between the Ivorian toes, steals a dripping, buttered crumpet from the nearby old lady and flutters over to the bar, where they hang upside-down from the wooden embellishments so the butter doesn't drip all down their nice brown fur, but only up their nose...

A sneeze! Oh, no! The Covid cops start to swoop in with masks, gloves, and sanitizer...

The bat disappears in the scrum, squeaking No! It was the (crunch) butter! Really!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 08:45 PM

This place is so notorious that the
Skifflemassers are talking about it behind your collective backs.
(and heaven help me, I'm listening ...)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 08:58 PM

The giant wombat unfolds itself from the box in which it has been residing and slowly ambles toward the door of the tavern, bearing aloft a plate of - could it be? - yes, it is! - jello salad, in all its wondrous rainbow glory!

The terrible secret of the box is revealed!

Pushing aside the Covid and all to do with it, wombat decrees the Tavern to be a Covid free zone. No mentions of the plague at all, just joyous fun.

And jello salad.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 12:09 AM

The wombat saves the day! and night, & season ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 02:34 AM

I've always liked wombats, she remarks mildly.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 07:24 AM

The wombat pandemic deniers stick out like a sore thumb with their bare faces and block the maskers from the bar. Oh dear now there is a squabble. Is that Jennie McCarthy delivering a right cross? From behind a mask it sounds like Lennon singing "All we are saying, is give peace a chance..." Wait a minute it looks like Roger.
Now there is a singing stand off with maskers singing a muffled "All we are.." against the bare faced liars but I can't make out their tune.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 07:41 AM

Roger puts his arms up and yells "In the Christmas tavern all realities are possible in the digital world" and hits the RESET button behind the bar. Suddenly all masks disappear and the wombat lets out a high pitched bear like groan.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:19 AM

He moves to the bar and is served a flagon of mulled mead. Checking his pistol with the barkeeper, he pockets the brass pistol-check token and sits at a table, his trusty albeit roasted marshmallow stained colichemarde in its sheath at his hip.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:29 AM

More wassail!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 11:23 AM

The Gnome sighs with relief as the test kit line remains singular.

"Is it negative?" asks the barman

"Yes" replies the Gnome

"Are you sure?"

"Positive"

"So it's positive?"

The Gnome glowers from under bushy eyebrows. "Just get me a pint of Theakston's Old Peculiar, a large Glen Morangie, a spiced Rum, a bottle of Cherry B and a Snowball. I have some catching up to do..."

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 11:27 AM

Reminds me of what we observed on the security camera focused on our family farm kitchen a week or so ago:

By Charlie Ipcar, 11/18/21
Tune after “Shafted in Shaftsburg”
Key: D (7/G)
The Raccoons Had a Party


G
The raccoons had a party,
-------C------------------G
They had a glorious spree;
-------------------------------
They booted up Grubhub
--------A-------------D
And ordered K-F-C;
-------G
They poured out apple cider,
-------C---------------------G
And sliced up pumpkin pie;
--------------------------E
The raccoons had a party --
----------A-------D-------G
Which no one can de-ny!
--------------------------E
The raccoons had a party --
---------A-------D-------G
Which no one can de-ny!

Now Rocky Raccoon he was there
And he really was great fun;
Swinging from the chandelier,
And bouncing off his buns;
He moon-walked ‘cross the table,
Then backflipped to the floor;
The raccoons had a party,
Who could ask for more? (REF)

Roxie Raccoon she was there
And she really was a sight;
As she shimmied on the counter top
And then took off in flight;
She landed on the rocking chair
Which tipped o’er in a crash,
The raccoons had a party --
And it really was a smash! (REF)

Now ol’ Zip Coon he was there,
With a banjo on his knee,
Strumming up “Soldier’s Joy”
And “Let My Critters Free”;
He played “Cooney in the Holler”
And then led “Cluck Ol’ Hen”;
The raccoons had a party --
They thought would never end! (REF)

Blackjack Davey he was there,
With a drumstick in each paw;
He was beating time on the tabletop,
The funniest thing you ever saw;
He’d flip one drumstick overhead,
And catch it in his teeth,
The raccoons had a party --
That defied belief! (REF)

And Suzie Q she was there,
She sang of many things;
Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings,
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs had wings;
The raccoons had a party --
It was the damnest thing! (REF)

Now when the party was over,
Everyone confessed,
“The music was exquisite,
But the goodies were the best!”
And as they left the kitchen,
One turned around and said,
“The raccoons had a party --
A party to wake the dead!”
Yes, “The raccoons had a party --
A party to wake the dead!”

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 12:04 PM

Monkey wash, donkey rinse, warbles the ghost of Warren Zevon from behind a tentacle...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 01:39 PM

Bringing in all the holiday groceries
a raccoon stole the Christmas ham plastic bag and all.
I imagine they had a party.
I hope it was as grand as the one Charlie Ipcar saw.

Subject: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST, Ghost of Christmas passed/past/passé
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 02:07 PM

A forgotten door, off to the side of the bar creaks as it drifts open, to reveal a tangle of coats to one side and another door at the back of the closet. The second door is open, revealing a long room full of beds in the Mudcat Recovery Ward, frequently inhabited by ailing Mudcatters. One corner has been concealed by fancy Japanese black lacquer screens and rolling medical screens, where a computer is playing YouTube Irish folk music and the space's resident is keeping time with a bodhran. The space was occupied for recovery for a while, but now is staked out by an Eastern Canadian Mudcatter who just doesn't want to leave.

Nurse Ratched is nowhere to be seen.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 03:04 PM

More wassail!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 04:56 PM

it must be crumpet o'clock ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:11 PM

What ghost?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:16 PM

What have you wrought? Do you really want me to Rhan on? I say... "You, dear boy. bring me my Ciapan and Skin!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:19 PM

Or that beer can on the counter... I can play the shit out of anything when I have enough ale.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:26 PM

KEEP!... a round of Turkey Turd Beer in honour of Spaw!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 07:12 AM

Hail Spaw; teacher of technique and song history at getaways, truthful community familyman and outrageous unabashed humorist.
Fuck you he loved you all! (toastmaster dragged from atop the bar spilling his beir)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 03:30 PM

The ‘Catters are having a party
And the scene is chaotic and wild
“More wassai!!” Is the oft-heard cry
In the corner the empties are piled
The fire in the pit leaps and glows redly
“Give us a song!” and three songs begin
The air is warm but smells quite deadly
Morning heads will break from the din
In the meantime
In between time
The ‘Catters are having a party

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 04:32 PM

Yay, Ebbie!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 04:56 PM

some say it isn't cottage cheese

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 21 - 03:13 PM

The bat fell in the wassail bowl. A kind old lady fished them out and an even kinder Ivorian offered a pre-warmed sock, but the bat just flew, well, fell with style, into the jello. A rapier blade reached down and flicked the bat [harmessly] back out and headfirst into the sock. MrrWzl! came faintly from the sock as the bat, sock and all, was hung like a Christmas stocking in front of the fire.

The bat, being head-down in the sock, was happy.

Meanwhile, on the tower, the ghost of Joan Didion saw that her moustache was not her own, and drank an Irish coffee with some rather gory toast.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 02:23 PM

A-HA! He thinks. Gory Toast! A fitting breakfast repast after such an unbecoming night. 'Tis glad I that I was here to correct that unbecoming knight who barged in. Why, the frackus seemed like Olde Times here in the Tavern!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 03:11 PM

what about Edward Gorey toast?
sounds more like All Souls / Halloween, but still . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 05:37 PM

A one-socked African jigs madly atop the bar...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 08:56 PM

The door next to the bar creaks as it is gradually opened by a uniformed tall middle-aged nurse, disturbed by the ruckus and rousted from the back of the Recovery Ward.

Will she overstep her authority in the Ward and approach the revelers in the bar? What will she do - demand silence? Or a share of the food?

Will the squid and the bats and the wombats and whatever else has walked, crawled, swum, or levitated into the bar respond?

Are there any ducks up in the rafters that would like to join in the activity? Maybe perch on the tree? Is there a tree?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 09:28 PM

As I was walking home one evenin'
I know this takes some believin'
I met a group of creatures
With the strangest lookin' features

A poor old dove and a worm in the weed
And a fine old pigeon, yes indeed
A daddy longlegs jumpet sprite
As he danced to the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
And the daddy longlegs jumpet sprite
As he danced to the reel in the flickering light

On his thin and wispy spindles
He was deft and he was nimble
His eyes were scientific
And his dancing was terrific

And the rats and worms they made a din
And the nettles in the corners took it in
"Oh God" says I, "Tonight's the night"
"We'll dance to the reel in the flickering light"
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
"Oh God" says I "tonight's the night
We'll dance to the reel in the flickering light"

Then he looked at me directly
With a gaze that could dissect me
Then he asked me in a whisper
"Have you got any sisters?"

"Oh God almighty" says I to him
"What sort of a man d'you think I am?
I've only one she's not your type
She wouldn't dance the reel in the flickering light"
So round we go, heel to the toe
"I've only one she's not your type
She wouldn't dance a reel in the flickering light"

Says he
"Does she come from another planet?
Does she got a bee in her bonnet?
Does she do her daily duties
You never know we might be suited"

And the rats and the worms began in to laugh
And some of them started shufflin' off
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
Getting ready for the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
Getting ready for the reel in the flickering light

I could see he had no scruples
When I looked into his pupils
They were purple or magenta
Like a statue during lent

I said "I'll get her right away"
"Good man" says he "now don't delay"
We're going to have some fun tonight
And he flicked his legs in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
And he flicked his legs in the flickering light

Then up stepped a red carnation
And they gave her an ovation
She was warm and enchatin'
As she slowly started dancin'

And the wise old pigeon peeled his eye
And the nettles and the weeds began to sigh
Daddy longlegs said "my-oh-my
Are we ready for the reel in the flickering light?"
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
Daddy longlegs said "my-oh-my
Are we ready for the reel in the flickering light?"

She was gentle, she was charmin'
And I heard him call her "darlin'
He was graceful as a whisper
On his delicate legs of silver

And the rats and worms were still as mice
And the poor old pigeon said "That's nice"
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light

Oh round we go, heel to the toe
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light