New Year's Tavern 2022

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 10:26 PM

Squiddy was so excited by screams of "Happy New Year!" in various languages (including profane and obscene) at midnight that globs of jello were flung in every direction, including up and down. Various 'catters were caught in melee, including the guy with the rapier.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 08:56 PM

run, wombat!

Well, move at the wombat version of running which is to just walk thru inconvenient things, like fences, walls & doors, depending which is in the straight line a wombat is walking ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 08:31 PM

This year it was my plan to avoid the jello pit.
So I went to supper at the dining hall buffet
in the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve,
and what were they serving for dessert?


A huge deep dish of lemon-lime jello . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 03:37 PM

Now that the festivities are fewer and further between the giant wombat stirs from the corner where it has been hunkered down, and slowly......very slowly......ambles toward the door.

The assembled multitude hold their breath in suspense - will wombat reach the door? or will the door close first, trapping a giant wombat inside until next year?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 10:16 PM

And so they are. Belfries are lonely...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 09:39 PM

Above the bar is a sampler, stitched years ago by M. Mario, reading

Bats Are Our Friends

which was long thought to refer to baseball and cricket bats.

This was incorrect, referring to mammals with a patagium, members of the family Chiroptera. The sampler is well-thought of, indeed celebrated, by all the resident bats. The resident bats are, according to Squiddy, convinced that those who visit the Tavern are all bats.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 08:26 PM

The bartender, cook, and bottle-washer had a pot of beets on the stove in back out of sight that boiled over without his noticing. The whole tavern now has a smoky smell, and various customers opened windows to let in fresh air. It seems to have also let in more bats . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 02:56 PM

(Screams of outrage from all east of the International Date Line, all the way around to Zulu+4 where it is actually about to be 2022 by the Gregorian calendar...)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 02:50 PM

That one bat is delighted to wish hippo gnu deer to cats anywhere east of zulu+5! And a superb summer solstice season to you southerners!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 04:29 AM

the wombat opens his eyes - New Year is earlier in The Land of Oz ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 03:48 AM

Snores abound. Check the corners- they all look occupied to me. Never fear- we'll be up and ready to go when the New Year rolls around.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Dec 21 - 09:21 AM

Where is everybody? Am I stuck in my sock?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Dec 21 - 04:45 AM

lol

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 11:34 PM

These ones are. I wouldn't ask why.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 09:21 PM

Question: Are the depths of a hot tub dark?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 08:15 PM

Meanwhile, in the hot tub.... Papa Bat and Momma Bat are doing bat things such as flapping their wings in the face of Squiddy, diving on the squidlets, and otherwise teasing the Squid family. One of the squidlets, using his siphon and "water jet," squirts Papa Bat and he loses control and flapping wildly, plunges into the Stygian depths of the hot tub.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 04:23 PM

A happy bat wafts to the bar for yet another Irish coffee [no Bailey's, no mint]. A nice wide mug so they can, actually, bathe in it, using the whipped cream as an elegant throw...

Aaaah...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 06:29 AM

A tune welcomes the sun

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 06:01 AM

The old lady has knitted a fancy, warm woolly sock for the dear bat to nestle down into, and the African man puts his own sock back on, while helping the bat to snuggle down in the new knitted one.
Yet another toasted crumpet dripping with butter appears, floating through the air by magic. Hopefully, a partridge sitting in a tree above will not liberally baptise this crumpet with an extra topping.
African man sits on a bar stool and treats the company to a song, "'Ooray! 'Ooray! eets a 'appy 'oliday' ..." (Sadly, the latter 'h' doesn't come easily to him). He also wishes everyone "A Verreee 'Appy noo yeeear!" for next weekend. Old lady heartily endorses this.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 05:51 AM

Morning has broken

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:47 PM

The visual on those particular waterfowl perching neatly in any tree, let alone by the partridge on that pear tree, has made my night.

Where are the 4 calling girls? The 3 drenched hens?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:00 PM

Amidst the carnage, the druid watches as a flock of ducks and swans perch neatly in the boughs of the tree. High above the revelry, they look down and the druid knows their thoughts: bombs away on those below!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 08:50 AM

From deep in the sock hanging by the fireplace comes, in the voice of Burl Ives:

Once a lonely caterpillar sat and cried,
To a sympathetic beetle by his side.
"I've got nobody to hug,
I'm such an ugly bug."
Then a spider and a dragonfly replied,
"If you're serious and want to win a bride,
Come along with us,
To the glorious
Annual ugly bug ball."
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all
At the ugly bug ball
While the crickets clicked their tricky melodies
All the ants were fancy-dancing with the fleas
Then up from under the ground
The worms came squirming around
Oh they danced until there legs were nearly lame
Every little crawling creature you could name
Everyone was glad
What a time they had
They were so happy they came
Everyone was glad! What a time they had!
They were so happy they came!
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all!
At the ugly bug ball.
Then our caterpillar saw a pretty queen
She was beautiful in yellow, black and green
He said, "Would you care to dance?"
Their dancing led to romance.
And she sat upon his caterpillar knees
And he gave his caterpillar queen a squeeze
Soon they'll honeymoon
Build a big cocoon
Thanks to the ugly bug ball
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl,
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all!
At the ugly bug ball!

After this ditty, the bat wriggled around till their head popped out of the sock, which rather miraculously did not fall into the fireplace. Feeling peckish after that version of Johnny McAdoo, are ye? came from a rather piratical-seeming parrot perched above the bust of Pallas Athena by the pot-boy in the corner as the Devil took a chair...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 01:59 AM

the Giant Wombat starts a song from his homeland -The Dover's Dream

One night when travelling sheep, my companions lay asleep
There was not a star to illuminate the sky
I was dreaming, I suppose, for my eyes were nearly closed
When a very strange procession passed me by
First there came a kangaroo, with his swag of blankets blue
A dingo ran beside him for a mate
They were travelling mighty fast, and they shouted as they passed
"We'll have to jog along, it's getting late"

The pelican and the crane, they came in from off the plain
To amuse the company with a Highland Fling
The dear old bandicoot played a tune upon his flute
And the native bears sat round them in a ring
The drongo and the crow sang us songs of long ago
While the frill-necked lizard listened with a smile
And the emu standing near with his claw up to his ear
Said, "Funniest thing I've heard for quite a while"

The frogs from out the swamp, where the atmosphere is damp
Came bounding in and sat upon the stones
They each unrolled their swags and produced from out their bags
The violin, the banjo and the bones
The goanna and the snake, and the adder wide awake
With the alligator danced "The Soldier's Joy"
In the spreading silky oak the jackass cracked a joke
And the magpie sang "The Wild Colonial Boy"

Some brolgas darted out from the tea-tree all about
And performed a set of Lancers very well
Then the parrot green and blue gave the orchestra its cue
To strike up "The Old Log Cabin in the Dell."
I was dreaming, I suppose, of these entertaining shows
But it never crossed my mind I was asleep
Till the Boss beneath the cart woke me up with such a start
Yelling, "Dreamy, where the hell are all the sheep?"

He plaintively wondered why he was not included, even those foreign sheep got a mention ....

He politely asked for a Cascade beer as he has been drinking it since 1824, he thinks he is their oldest customer.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 09:28 PM

As I was walking home one evenin'
I know this takes some believin'
I met a group of creatures
With the strangest lookin' features

A poor old dove and a worm in the weed
And a fine old pigeon, yes indeed
A daddy longlegs jumpet sprite
As he danced to the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
And the daddy longlegs jumpet sprite
As he danced to the reel in the flickering light

On his thin and wispy spindles
He was deft and he was nimble
His eyes were scientific
And his dancing was terrific

And the rats and worms they made a din
And the nettles in the corners took it in
"Oh God" says I, "Tonight's the night"
"We'll dance to the reel in the flickering light"
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
"Oh God" says I "tonight's the night
We'll dance to the reel in the flickering light"

Then he looked at me directly
With a gaze that could dissect me
Then he asked me in a whisper
"Have you got any sisters?"

"Oh God almighty" says I to him
"What sort of a man d'you think I am?
I've only one she's not your type
She wouldn't dance the reel in the flickering light"
So round we go, heel to the toe
"I've only one she's not your type
She wouldn't dance a reel in the flickering light"

Says he
"Does she come from another planet?
Does she got a bee in her bonnet?
Does she do her daily duties
You never know we might be suited"

And the rats and the worms began in to laugh
And some of them started shufflin' off
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
Getting ready for the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
Getting ready for the reel in the flickering light

I could see he had no scruples
When I looked into his pupils
They were purple or magenta
Like a statue during lent

I said "I'll get her right away"
"Good man" says he "now don't delay"
We're going to have some fun tonight
And he flicked his legs in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
And he flicked his legs in the flickering light

Then up stepped a red carnation
And they gave her an ovation
She was warm and enchatin'
As she slowly started dancin'

And the wise old pigeon peeled his eye
And the nettles and the weeds began to sigh
Daddy longlegs said "my-oh-my
Are we ready for the reel in the flickering light?"
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
Daddy longlegs said "my-oh-my
Are we ready for the reel in the flickering light?"

She was gentle, she was charmin'
And I heard him call her "darlin'
He was graceful as a whisper
On his delicate legs of silver

And the rats and worms were still as mice
And the poor old pigeon said "That's nice"
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light

Oh round we go, heel to the toe
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 08:56 PM

The door next to the bar creaks as it is gradually opened by a uniformed tall middle-aged nurse, disturbed by the ruckus and rousted from the back of the Recovery Ward.

Will she overstep her authority in the Ward and approach the revelers in the bar? What will she do - demand silence? Or a share of the food?

Will the squid and the bats and the wombats and whatever else has walked, crawled, swum, or levitated into the bar respond?

Are there any ducks up in the rafters that would like to join in the activity? Maybe perch on the tree? Is there a tree?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 05:37 PM

A one-socked African jigs madly atop the bar...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 03:11 PM

what about Edward Gorey toast?
sounds more like All Souls / Halloween, but still . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 02:23 PM

A-HA! He thinks. Gory Toast! A fitting breakfast repast after such an unbecoming night. 'Tis glad I that I was here to correct that unbecoming knight who barged in. Why, the frackus seemed like Olde Times here in the Tavern!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 21 - 03:13 PM

The bat fell in the wassail bowl. A kind old lady fished them out and an even kinder Ivorian offered a pre-warmed sock, but the bat just flew, well, fell with style, into the jello. A rapier blade reached down and flicked the bat [harmessly] back out and headfirst into the sock. MrrWzl! came faintly from the sock as the bat, sock and all, was hung like a Christmas stocking in front of the fire.

The bat, being head-down in the sock, was happy.

Meanwhile, on the tower, the ghost of Joan Didion saw that her moustache was not her own, and drank an Irish coffee with some rather gory toast.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 04:56 PM

some say it isn't cottage cheese

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 04:32 PM

Yay, Ebbie!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 03:30 PM

The ‘Catters are having a party
And the scene is chaotic and wild
“More wassai!!” Is the oft-heard cry
In the corner the empties are piled
The fire in the pit leaps and glows redly
“Give us a song!” and three songs begin
The air is warm but smells quite deadly
Morning heads will break from the din
In the meantime
In between time
The ‘Catters are having a party

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 07:12 AM

Hail Spaw; teacher of technique and song history at getaways, truthful community familyman and outrageous unabashed humorist.
Fuck you he loved you all! (toastmaster dragged from atop the bar spilling his beir)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:26 PM

KEEP!... a round of Turkey Turd Beer in honour of Spaw!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:19 PM

Or that beer can on the counter... I can play the shit out of anything when I have enough ale.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:16 PM

What have you wrought? Do you really want me to Rhan on? I say... "You, dear boy. bring me my Ciapan and Skin!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:11 PM

What ghost?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 04:56 PM

it must be crumpet o'clock ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 03:04 PM

More wassail!

Subject: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST, Ghost of Christmas passed/past/passé
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 02:07 PM

A forgotten door, off to the side of the bar creaks as it drifts open, to reveal a tangle of coats to one side and another door at the back of the closet. The second door is open, revealing a long room full of beds in the Mudcat Recovery Ward, frequently inhabited by ailing Mudcatters. One corner has been concealed by fancy Japanese black lacquer screens and rolling medical screens, where a computer is playing YouTube Irish folk music and the space's resident is keeping time with a bodhran. The space was occupied for recovery for a while, but now is staked out by an Eastern Canadian Mudcatter who just doesn't want to leave.

Nurse Ratched is nowhere to be seen.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 01:39 PM

Bringing in all the holiday groceries
a raccoon stole the Christmas ham plastic bag and all.
I imagine they had a party.
I hope it was as grand as the one Charlie Ipcar saw.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 12:04 PM

Monkey wash, donkey rinse, warbles the ghost of Warren Zevon from behind a tentacle...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 11:27 AM

Reminds me of what we observed on the security camera focused on our family farm kitchen a week or so ago:

By Charlie Ipcar, 11/18/21
Tune after “Shafted in Shaftsburg”
Key: D (7/G)
The Raccoons Had a Party


G
The raccoons had a party,
-------C------------------G
They had a glorious spree;
-------------------------------
They booted up Grubhub
--------A-------------D
And ordered K-F-C;
-------G
They poured out apple cider,
-------C---------------------G
And sliced up pumpkin pie;
--------------------------E
The raccoons had a party --
----------A-------D-------G
Which no one can de-ny!
--------------------------E
The raccoons had a party --
---------A-------D-------G
Which no one can de-ny!

Now Rocky Raccoon he was there
And he really was great fun;
Swinging from the chandelier,
And bouncing off his buns;
He moon-walked ‘cross the table,
Then backflipped to the floor;
The raccoons had a party,
Who could ask for more? (REF)

Roxie Raccoon she was there
And she really was a sight;
As she shimmied on the counter top
And then took off in flight;
She landed on the rocking chair
Which tipped o’er in a crash,
The raccoons had a party --
And it really was a smash! (REF)

Now ol’ Zip Coon he was there,
With a banjo on his knee,
Strumming up “Soldier’s Joy”
And “Let My Critters Free”;
He played “Cooney in the Holler”
And then led “Cluck Ol’ Hen”;
The raccoons had a party --
They thought would never end! (REF)

Blackjack Davey he was there,
With a drumstick in each paw;
He was beating time on the tabletop,
The funniest thing you ever saw;
He’d flip one drumstick overhead,
And catch it in his teeth,
The raccoons had a party --
That defied belief! (REF)

And Suzie Q she was there,
She sang of many things;
Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings,
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs had wings;
The raccoons had a party --
It was the damnest thing! (REF)

Now when the party was over,
Everyone confessed,
“The music was exquisite,
But the goodies were the best!”
And as they left the kitchen,
One turned around and said,
“The raccoons had a party --
A party to wake the dead!”
Yes, “The raccoons had a party --
A party to wake the dead!”

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 11:23 AM

The Gnome sighs with relief as the test kit line remains singular.

"Is it negative?" asks the barman

"Yes" replies the Gnome

"Are you sure?"

"Positive"

"So it's positive?"

The Gnome glowers from under bushy eyebrows. "Just get me a pint of Theakston's Old Peculiar, a large Glen Morangie, a spiced Rum, a bottle of Cherry B and a Snowball. I have some catching up to do..."

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:29 AM

More wassail!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:19 AM

He moves to the bar and is served a flagon of mulled mead. Checking his pistol with the barkeeper, he pockets the brass pistol-check token and sits at a table, his trusty albeit roasted marshmallow stained colichemarde in its sheath at his hip.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 07:41 AM

Roger puts his arms up and yells "In the Christmas tavern all realities are possible in the digital world" and hits the RESET button behind the bar. Suddenly all masks disappear and the wombat lets out a high pitched bear like groan.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 07:24 AM

The wombat pandemic deniers stick out like a sore thumb with their bare faces and block the maskers from the bar. Oh dear now there is a squabble. Is that Jennie McCarthy delivering a right cross? From behind a mask it sounds like Lennon singing "All we are saying, is give peace a chance..." Wait a minute it looks like Roger.
Now there is a singing stand off with maskers singing a muffled "All we are.." against the bare faced liars but I can't make out their tune.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 02:34 AM

I've always liked wombats, she remarks mildly.