New Year's Tavern 2022

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 01:59 AM

the Giant Wombat starts a song from his homeland -The Dover's Dream

One night when travelling sheep, my companions lay asleep
There was not a star to illuminate the sky
I was dreaming, I suppose, for my eyes were nearly closed
When a very strange procession passed me by
First there came a kangaroo, with his swag of blankets blue
A dingo ran beside him for a mate
They were travelling mighty fast, and they shouted as they passed
"We'll have to jog along, it's getting late"

The pelican and the crane, they came in from off the plain
To amuse the company with a Highland Fling
The dear old bandicoot played a tune upon his flute
And the native bears sat round them in a ring
The drongo and the crow sang us songs of long ago
While the frill-necked lizard listened with a smile
And the emu standing near with his claw up to his ear
Said, "Funniest thing I've heard for quite a while"

The frogs from out the swamp, where the atmosphere is damp
Came bounding in and sat upon the stones
They each unrolled their swags and produced from out their bags
The violin, the banjo and the bones
The goanna and the snake, and the adder wide awake
With the alligator danced "The Soldier's Joy"
In the spreading silky oak the jackass cracked a joke
And the magpie sang "The Wild Colonial Boy"

Some brolgas darted out from the tea-tree all about
And performed a set of Lancers very well
Then the parrot green and blue gave the orchestra its cue
To strike up "The Old Log Cabin in the Dell."
I was dreaming, I suppose, of these entertaining shows
But it never crossed my mind I was asleep
Till the Boss beneath the cart woke me up with such a start
Yelling, "Dreamy, where the hell are all the sheep?"

He plaintively wondered why he was not included, even those foreign sheep got a mention ....

He politely asked for a Cascade beer as he has been drinking it since 1824, he thinks he is their oldest customer.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 08:50 AM

From deep in the sock hanging by the fireplace comes, in the voice of Burl Ives:

Once a lonely caterpillar sat and cried,
To a sympathetic beetle by his side.
"I've got nobody to hug,
I'm such an ugly bug."
Then a spider and a dragonfly replied,
"If you're serious and want to win a bride,
Come along with us,
To the glorious
Annual ugly bug ball."
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all
At the ugly bug ball
While the crickets clicked their tricky melodies
All the ants were fancy-dancing with the fleas
Then up from under the ground
The worms came squirming around
Oh they danced until there legs were nearly lame
Every little crawling creature you could name
Everyone was glad
What a time they had
They were so happy they came
Everyone was glad! What a time they had!
They were so happy they came!
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all!
At the ugly bug ball.
Then our caterpillar saw a pretty queen
She was beautiful in yellow, black and green
He said, "Would you care to dance?"
Their dancing led to romance.
And she sat upon his caterpillar knees
And he gave his caterpillar queen a squeeze
Soon they'll honeymoon
Build a big cocoon
Thanks to the ugly bug ball
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl,
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all!
At the ugly bug ball!

After this ditty, the bat wriggled around till their head popped out of the sock, which rather miraculously did not fall into the fireplace. Feeling peckish after that version of Johnny McAdoo, are ye? came from a rather piratical-seeming parrot perched above the bust of Pallas Athena by the pot-boy in the corner as the Devil took a chair...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:00 PM

Amidst the carnage, the druid watches as a flock of ducks and swans perch neatly in the boughs of the tree. High above the revelry, they look down and the druid knows their thoughts: bombs away on those below!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:47 PM

The visual on those particular waterfowl perching neatly in any tree, let alone by the partridge on that pear tree, has made my night.

Where are the 4 calling girls? The 3 drenched hens?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 05:51 AM

Morning has broken

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 06:01 AM

The old lady has knitted a fancy, warm woolly sock for the dear bat to nestle down into, and the African man puts his own sock back on, while helping the bat to snuggle down in the new knitted one.
Yet another toasted crumpet dripping with butter appears, floating through the air by magic. Hopefully, a partridge sitting in a tree above will not liberally baptise this crumpet with an extra topping.
African man sits on a bar stool and treats the company to a song, "'Ooray! 'Ooray! eets a 'appy 'oliday' ..." (Sadly, the latter 'h' doesn't come easily to him). He also wishes everyone "A Verreee 'Appy noo yeeear!" for next weekend. Old lady heartily endorses this.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 06:29 AM

A tune welcomes the sun

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 04:23 PM

A happy bat wafts to the bar for yet another Irish coffee [no Bailey's, no mint]. A nice wide mug so they can, actually, bathe in it, using the whipped cream as an elegant throw...

Aaaah...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 08:15 PM

Meanwhile, in the hot tub.... Papa Bat and Momma Bat are doing bat things such as flapping their wings in the face of Squiddy, diving on the squidlets, and otherwise teasing the Squid family. One of the squidlets, using his siphon and "water jet," squirts Papa Bat and he loses control and flapping wildly, plunges into the Stygian depths of the hot tub.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 09:21 PM

Question: Are the depths of a hot tub dark?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 11:34 PM

These ones are. I wouldn't ask why.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Dec 21 - 04:45 AM

lol

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Dec 21 - 09:21 AM

Where is everybody? Am I stuck in my sock?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 03:48 AM

Snores abound. Check the corners- they all look occupied to me. Never fear- we'll be up and ready to go when the New Year rolls around.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 04:29 AM

the wombat opens his eyes - New Year is earlier in The Land of Oz ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 02:50 PM

That one bat is delighted to wish hippo gnu deer to cats anywhere east of zulu+5! And a superb summer solstice season to you southerners!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 02:56 PM

(Screams of outrage from all east of the International Date Line, all the way around to Zulu+4 where it is actually about to be 2022 by the Gregorian calendar...)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 08:26 PM

The bartender, cook, and bottle-washer had a pot of beets on the stove in back out of sight that boiled over without his noticing. The whole tavern now has a smoky smell, and various customers opened windows to let in fresh air. It seems to have also let in more bats . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 09:39 PM

Above the bar is a sampler, stitched years ago by M. Mario, reading

Bats Are Our Friends

which was long thought to refer to baseball and cricket bats.

This was incorrect, referring to mammals with a patagium, members of the family Chiroptera. The sampler is well-thought of, indeed celebrated, by all the resident bats. The resident bats are, according to Squiddy, convinced that those who visit the Tavern are all bats.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 10:16 PM

And so they are. Belfries are lonely...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 03:37 PM

Now that the festivities are fewer and further between the giant wombat stirs from the corner where it has been hunkered down, and slowly......very slowly......ambles toward the door.

The assembled multitude hold their breath in suspense - will wombat reach the door? or will the door close first, trapping a giant wombat inside until next year?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 08:31 PM

This year it was my plan to avoid the jello pit.
So I went to supper at the dining hall buffet
in the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve,
and what were they serving for dessert?


A huge deep dish of lemon-lime jello . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 08:56 PM

run, wombat!

Well, move at the wombat version of running which is to just walk thru inconvenient things, like fences, walls & doors, depending which is in the straight line a wombat is walking ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 10:26 PM

Squiddy was so excited by screams of "Happy New Year!" in various languages (including profane and obscene) at midnight that globs of jello were flung in every direction, including up and down. Various 'catters were caught in melee, including the guy with the rapier.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 11:28 PM

OH, NO!

killed? or wounded by jello, there can be no worse fate

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Jan 22 - 10:02 AM

Foiled again...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 22 - 08:21 PM

Using his trusty rapier he parries every glob thrown his way. Unfortunately, lime jello ill becomes his blade and soon it shows signs of rust and pitting in the high quality carbon steel. He pauses to wipe it clean on the weskit of someone nearby and a glob hits him right in the face. Fortunately, his mouth was closed at the time.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 Jan 22 - 03:22 AM

what is this jello made of that it can kill high quality carbon steel, it's even more dangerous than I thought

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Jan 22 - 01:53 PM

The bat is warbling The Frozen Logger and giggling at how that 40-year old waitress -- who used to be so *old* -- is now, 50 some-odd years on, so young! What magic.

There is a blizzard outside, if you look out certain windows or walk out most doors.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 22 - 09:36 PM

Cold, too. SOMEBODY STOKE UP THE FIRE!!!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 07:37 AM

Of course, Rap. Coming right up. I'm not sleepy yet. Last "night" I found myself crawling into bed at 10 til 5:00. I agree that that is overdoing it. Obviously, I'm not getting enough exercise to get tired.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 08:26 AM

More wood!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 08:35 AM

Roger burst through the door with snow blowin in, "The roads are closed!"

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 09:28 PM

So? Here is food, wine and more, friends, warmth (if someone will please take care of that fire), Squiddy, jello, music, song, bathrooms, bats, and much, much more. The only roads out of here are those that go Somewhere Else.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 09:54 AM

on the tenth day of xmas my trueluv gave to me, um...uh... ah fugit FIVE GOLDEN RINGS

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 04:32 PM

Aaaaand there goes the power.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 05:40 PM

The black belt caterpillar wrestler emerges from the obscure door that leads to the vast array of back rooms.
"It's OK the battery backup is fully charged and the wind turbine is on full power. Someone has been switching things off though, as though they want to start a detective mystery. Is anyone missing?"

Robin

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 06:46 PM

Mr. Body is missing. We could split up and do a search.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 07:24 PM

A good old fashioned mid-winter-snowed-in Locked Room mystery?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 07:30 PM

I'm just glad Oz kicked Jokavich out.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 09:44 PM

Non ita sunt tranctanda res Mudcatorum!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 01:09 AM

'The situation of the Mudcati cannot be settled' according to that esteemed Latin academic, Dr Google

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 03:53 AM

The old lady (in rather a bossy mood, using her retired teacher voice) stands up and orders everyone back to their seats. "Now, anyone who is caught turning off the heating will lose their playtime and stand in the corner. The monitors will fetch more wood and stoke up the fire. Everyone take out your Singing Together songbooks from your desks and we will sing all the songs from page one onwards!"
She toddles over the to upright piano and starts to bash out the accompaniment (rather difficult, because she's munching on a buttered crumpet while playing).

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 04:01 AM

I stand up and in as stentorian voice as I can manage- being of the gentler persuasion, I roar: Old Lady! Put it down! Or swallow it- I don't care. I'm not putting another dollar into that old pianny if another greasy pair of hands gets on those keys!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 01:38 PM

A moment later I slide to my knees at the piano bench where Old Lady is suddenly playing a lively jig, the last bit of crumpet disappearing between the beatific lips.

I beg your pardon, I say earnestly and loudly. You, of all people, would not smear the keys. Please forgive me.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 03:51 PM

Old Lady laughs and gives the piano-key-protector a hug. She plays some more lively jigs to get everyone bobbing around. African Man is laughing too. He's jigging around with the sweet bat and keeping it nice and warm. "More Old Speckled Hen ale please!" and lo! a huge barrel is rolled in. Cheers everybody!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 10:20 PM

He calls, "Sheep Dip! I want Sheep Dip!"

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 03:54 AM

A second barrel arrives containing Sheep Dip (from Yeovil Ales, Wiltshire) and the Old Lady tries it. "Very nice!" she says, giving a small hiccup.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 06:08 AM

Yes, but you should see what it does to the sheep!

Robin

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 07:20 AM

Just drink it tup, ewe might like it. Gets rid of maggots and ticks in your gut I imagine.