Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties

Subject: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: GUEST,MaJoC the Filk
Date: 24 Jan 22 - 07:32 AM

As promised last week in the Singaround: a big boy made me write this, and ran away ....

God Rest Ye Sober

God rest ye sober, underlings
  let nothing you dismay
You've only queued for Covid jabs
  since this time yesterday
And as wel tell you "work from home"
  in Number Ten we'll play ---

Good tidings of comfort and joy (for the posh boys)
Good tidings of comfort and joy.

The boyos from the Bullingdon
  are playing Hunt The Grue
They're bred to be incapable
  of telling false from true
Come PMQs we'll find them
  barricaded in the loo ---

Good tidings of comfort and joy (little lost boys)
Good tidings of comfort any joy.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: GerryM
Date: 25 Jan 22 - 03:52 AM

I'm sure it's a great song ... I'd be even surer, if I knew the significance of Bullingdon, or what The Grue is, or who the PMQs are. Can we have a glossary, please?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: GUEST,MaJoC the Filk
Date: 25 Jan 22 - 10:29 AM

Apologies: above typed in in an excessive hurry, and the glossary fell out.

* Bullingdon Club: a bunch of posh Oxford ne'er-do-wells who went around causing havoc to victims' college rooms, then paying for the damage. Past memberships include two recent English Prime Ministers.

* The Grue: a monster which appears in certain text-based computer games, typically in deadly phrases like "A grue eats you".

* PMQs: Prime Minister's Question time in the English Parliament (a modern form of bear bating).

Hope that helps.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: GUEST,Alfred the Filk
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 06:24 PM

As perpetrated premiered on the Singaround last Monday:

Shelf Raiders in the Store

Tune: Ghost Riders in the Sky

'Twas graveyard shift in Sainsbury's one dark and stormy night
The weary staff were busy stacking shelves with all their might
When all at once I heard a scream, and when I turned I saw
A crowd of ghostly pensioners .... into the shop did pour:

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store.

Their walking frames were made of rusting steel and peeling chrome
Their trolley wheels did ceaselessly assert their right to roam
But they pressed grimly onward, their faces hard and mean
As they passed toilet paper shelves .... those shelves were all stripped clean:

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store.

I found that I had panicked, grabbing ev'ry tin I could
A wrinkled hand pressed down on mine, their chief before me stood
His face was oddly youthful, but wizened by despair
With pity in his voice he said .... Young man do not go there ---

Once you start panic-buying you will share our gruesome fate
The only food we eat is six months past its use-by date
So don't break mouldy bread with us, or with us you will be
Condemned to hunting toilet rolls .... for all eternity:

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store (once more for luck) ---

Flippin'-L A
Flippin'-L O
Shelf raiders in the store.

This parody Copyright © Martin J Carter 2022

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: GUEST,MaJoC the Filk
Date: 14 Feb 22 - 05:38 AM

Oops: just noticed the brain fart in the previous entry's From field (that's me in a different incarnation). Meanwhile, back at the point, I intend to do the following in tonight's Singaround. It came to pass that I found a works colleague assessing the state of one of the laser printers. "What's with?" says I. "There's a label in the printer," says he, and bitterly regretted it for the rest of the day, as I always sing-test stuff as I filk ....

Label in the Printer

Tune: Little Boxes

There's a label in the printer,
There's a label shedding ticky-tacky
Going walkabout round the rollers
    Till they all look just the same;
Then the black drum, and the red drum,
And the blue drum, and the yellow drum ---
Once they get a taste for ticky-tacky
    They will not be quite the same.

"Use this paper, ready-printed
With the crest of the University
And our Departmental letterhead,
    So they all look just the same;
But beware, these sticky labels
Come adrift from their backing sheet ---
When a printer's full of ticky-tacky
    Ev'ry page will bear the stain."

There's a bored-stiff little schoolgirl
On a week of Work Experience
Playing swapsies with the boxes
    And a label goes astray ....
"Read your contract," saith Repair Man,
Then the Big Cheese thinks "watermark" ---
So his sec-ret-ar-y gets the printer
    And they use it just the same.

Ev'ry page now bears the imprint
Of the crest of the University
And it's all thanks to the ticky-tacky
    That they all come out the same:
There's a grey smudge, and a pink smudge,
And a blue smudge, and a yellow smudge,
Where the toner hits the ticky-tacky,
    And they all look just the same.

This parody Copyright © 2010, 2022 Martin J Carter

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 01 May 22 - 09:22 PM

I intend to perpetrate the following in the next Singaround. Once you've been on repeat prescriptions for long enough, this will have happened to you at least once; but twice in six months was Just Too Much.

COME BACK IN THE MORNING

I saw the pharmacist on my way home
I saw the pharmacist on my way home
I saw the pharmacist on my way home
       to pick up all my pills and potions ....

[Oops ....]

Come back in the morning
       I can't yet make up your prescription
Come back in the morning
       I'll try to complete your prescription
We're out of stock here
We're out of stock here
Come back in the morning
       I can't yet make up your prescription.

The queue for the Doctor's more than four weeks long,
The queue for the Doctor's more than four weeks long,
The queue for the Doctor's more than four weeks long,
       so I fill in an old repeat form ....

[Oops squared ....]

Go get an appointment
       The doctor must change your prescription
I've scoured the county
       I just can't complete this prescription
They've ceased production
They've ceased production
Go get an appointment
       The doctor must change your prescription.

The NHS can't afford designer drugs,
The NHS has to buy the cheapest drugs,
The NHS says, Prescribe generic drugs
       with an uneconomic price tag ....

[Six months later, guess what --- ?]

Come back in the morning
       I can't yet make up your prescription
Come back in the morning
       The doctor should change your prescription
Why don't they ask us?
Why don't they listen?
Come back in the morning
       I can't yet make up your prescription.

This parody Copyright © 2018 Dr M j Carter
Tune: The Virgin Mary had a Baby Boy, alias The Calypso Carol

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 May 22 - 09:37 PM

And ya know, Martin, we appreciate these songs at the Singaround. I don't know how your wife tolerates it, but we're entertained. We're glad to have you both at the Singaround.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: MaJoC's ditties
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 02 May 22 - 07:53 AM

The Management tolerates a great deal from me, up to but not including my thirst for using computers ("You've been on that [ahem] laptop all day :-( ") and my chronic forgetfulness.