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Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)

DigiTrad:
GRANDFATHER'S CLOCK
MY GRANDFATHER'S COCK
SEQUEL TO GRANDFATHER'S CLOCK


Related threads:
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Lyr Add: The Grandfather's Clock (G Formby, Sr.) (5)
Lyr Req: My Grandfather's Clock (15)
The clock stopped, never to run again (30)
(origins) Origins: Any history on Grandfathers Clock? (51)
Lyr Req: My Grandfather's Clock (Henry Clay Work) (48)
Lyr Req: My Grandfather's Clock (George Formby Sr) (18)
At What Time did Grandfather enter? (12)
Lyr Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (7)


Liz the Squeak 17 Jan 00 - 12:45 PM
McGrath of Harlow 17 Jan 00 - 08:20 PM
Melbert 17 Jan 00 - 08:29 PM
Melbert 17 Jan 00 - 08:56 PM
McGrath of Harlow 17 Jan 00 - 08:59 PM
Melbert 18 Jan 00 - 05:05 AM
Micca 18 Jan 00 - 06:15 AM
Roger the skiffler 18 Jan 00 - 06:33 AM
Grab 18 Jan 00 - 09:07 AM
Melbert 18 Jan 00 - 11:04 AM
Liz the Squeak 18 Jan 00 - 11:35 AM
TerriM 18 Jan 00 - 03:04 PM
McGrath of Harlow 18 Jan 00 - 08:38 PM
GUEST,Howard 29 Mar 07 - 12:32 PM
Joe Offer 29 Mar 07 - 01:07 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Mar 07 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,carol Steele 28 Jun 09 - 08:52 AM
breezy 28 Jun 09 - 05:51 PM
Dave Sutherland 29 Jun 09 - 12:51 PM
Marje 29 Jun 09 - 01:30 PM
GUEST,DJ 08 May 11 - 01:08 PM
breezy 08 May 11 - 02:32 PM
Leadfingers 08 May 11 - 02:42 PM
Nigel Parsons 17 May 11 - 07:41 AM
GUEST,andy & annie wing 03 Aug 12 - 05:17 PM
GUEST,leeneia 03 Aug 12 - 05:32 PM
MGM·Lion 04 Aug 12 - 06:20 AM
GUEST 13 Oct 12 - 07:12 PM
rosma 01 Apr 13 - 12:24 PM
GUEST,Carol & Phil Steele & Di and Pete Robbins 22 Jul 13 - 10:22 AM
Mr Happy 23 Jul 13 - 03:42 AM
rosma 27 Jan 14 - 11:59 AM
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Subject: My grandfather's ferret
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jan 00 - 12:45 PM

SO wants the words to this song, that begins

My grandfather's ferret
Was a beast of little merrit

Although I have no idea why, he doesn't like ferrets, and it was MY grandfather who had them.

It may possibly be a Dave Goulden song, and goes to the tune of 'Grandfather's clock'.

Thanks, LTS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Jan 00 - 08:20 PM

Sounds distinctly like the start of a Sid Kipper song to me, and I've got a feeling I might have heard it - but it's not in any of the Kipper books I've got.

Here's a Sid Kipper website I found, http://www.adastey.demon.co.uk/kipper/index.htm

But it's not much help on this.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Melbert
Date: 17 Jan 00 - 08:29 PM

I have the words on tape somewhere. I'll transcribe them if no-one beats me to it.


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Subject: Lyr Add: MY GRANDFATHER'S FERRET
From: Melbert
Date: 17 Jan 00 - 08:56 PM

Here they are. perhaps not the definitive version but this is from the singing of old Fred, who sadly collapsed and died two weeks ago on his way to our weekly session in Chester.

My grandfather's ferret was a creature of little merit
and it lived round the back in a cage.
If you peered in through the bars you'd see it's eyes like little stars
Glittering with impotent rage.
The smell it gave off made you splutter gasp and cough
and its habits were unspeakably gross.
And it bit off anything it could chew if you came too close.

When that ferret needed feeding someone always came back bleeding
or looking as white as a sheet.
When you opened up the door it was all out blooming war
and that ferret was fast on its feet.
It would go for your throat through two mufflers and a coat,
or savage a finger or two,
Then sit back with a satisfied little smirk,
like Wellington after waterloo.

One day my Auntie May thought she'd feed the ferret some hay
by poking it in through the wire.
But that beast thought that meat would be more of a treat
and with skill you had to admire
clamped its teeth upon her digit and went absolutely rigid
Aunt May thought she was going to expire
and the daft cow opened up the door to attack it from behind.

When that ferret saw that she had opened up the door,
it was out and at her in a flash
With a shriek of success it went streaking down her dress and
Aunt May wished she hadn't been so rash.
With his nasty little teeth he bit her underneath
on the bottom, round behind, and up the back.
And my Aunt May never smiled again,
and neither did my Uncle jack.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Jan 00 - 08:59 PM

My God, Melbert - that is classic.

This place is a goldmine sometimes!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Melbert
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 05:05 AM

There's no need to be so formal, McGrath.
YOU may call me "sir"!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Micca
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 06:15 AM

Ah Melbert TerriM does this one and when I get hold of her ear I will ask her to post any additional lyrics she may have. Its a beaut, isnt it and it had me stuffing a hankie ( borrowed from a passsing Morris man )up my snoot as I ROTFLMAO in a session where evryone was trying not to miss any of the words.thanks for posting it should be in the DT


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 06:33 AM

I reckon this would work well as a Stanley Holoway style monologue for those of us who are vocally challenged. I think the Lime jello salad song and "I want hippopotomus for Christmas" would work as monologues as well. Now I've only got to learn them!
RtS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Grab
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 09:07 AM

Try a final verse for it:

So remember my friends as I come to the end
of a story so dreadfully bleak
Take care not to linger, or the ferret'll have your finger
and you'll be minus a paddle up the creek
And the moral of this song it won't take very long
to express now if you should wish
If a pet you require you're better off by far to
attach your affections to a fish.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Melbert
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 11:04 AM

Thanks,Grab, for that final verse. I always thought it sounded a little incomplete the way Fred (Bless him) sang it.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 11:35 AM

Thanks to all, SO should be happy with that.

I know I am, I'd forgotten the vision of Micca stuffing a morris waver up his hooter, and sweat pouring out of his ears!

LTS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: TerriM
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 03:04 PM

It was written by a man called Derek Jolly who, I think, lives in Reading.I'm sure he'd be thrilled to know it was posted here. Liz, why on earth didn't you ask me, you must have heard me do it a hundred times, it's the only song I've ever memorised!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Jan 00 - 08:38 PM

"Derek Jolly" - what an appropriate name.

Just back from a session in a pub where I sang it. The fella playing the mandolin had to stop, because he was cracking up with laughter. Thanks again for the song!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My grandfather's ferret
From: GUEST,Howard
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 12:32 PM

I came accross this final verse. I think it fits very well.

When my Grandpa passed away,
So distressed was Aunty May,
Even so, she began to scheme and plam
First she poisoned Uncle Jack
Built a bonfire round the back
And scattered all his ashes on the land
In a fit of mindless rage,
she approached the ferret's cage
Only one thing she she could do would do the trick
Though the ferret squirmed around
Aunt May pinned it to the ground
And bashed it's ruddy head in with a brick!

Credit where it's due, on the print out I have it says
"Last verse written in 1989 by Vince Venus alias Gary"


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Subject: Lyr Add: MY GRANDFATHER'S FERRET (Derek Jolly)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:07 PM

I gotta say, this is a Micca song. I'm not sure I could picture any reasonably sane person singing it - but for Micca, it's a perfect fit. So, if we were to put it all together for inclusion in the Digital Tradition, how's this?
-Joe-


MY GRANDFATHER'S FERRET
(Derek Jolly)

My grandfather's ferret was a creature of little merit
and it lived round the back in a cage.
If you peered in through the bars you'd see its eyes like little stars
Glittering with impotent rage.
The smell it gave off made you splutter, gasp, and cough
and its habits were unspeakably gross.
And it bit off anything it could chew if you came too close.

When that ferret needed feeding someone always came back bleeding
or looking as white as a sheet.
When you opened up the door it was all-out blooming war
and that ferret was fast on its feet.
It would go for your throat through two mufflers and a coat,
or savage a finger or two,
Then sit back with a satisfied little smirk,
like Wellington after waterloo.

One day my Auntie May thought she'd feed the ferret some hay
by poking it in through the wire.
But that beast thought that meat would be more of a treat
and with skill you had to admire
clamped its teeth upon her digit and went absolutely rigid
Aunt May thought she was going to expire
and the daft cow opened up the door to attack it from behind.

When that ferret saw that she had opened up the door,
it was out and at her in a flash
With a shriek of success it went streaking down her dress and
Aunt May wished she hadn't been so rash.
With his nasty little teeth he bit her underneath
on the bottom, round behind, and up the back.
And my Aunt May never smiled again,
and neither did my Uncle Jack.

So remember my friends as I come to the end
of a story so dreadfully bleak
Take care not to linger, or the ferret'll have your finger
and you'll be minus a paddle up the creek
And the moral of this song it won't take very long
to express now if you should wish
If a pet you require you're better off by far to
attach your affections to a fish.

Alternate final verse:

When my Grandpa passed away,
So distressed was Aunty May,
Even so, she began to scheme and plan
First she poisoned Uncle Jack
Built a bonfire round the back
And scattered all his ashes on the land
In a fit of mindless rage,
she approached the ferret's cage
Only one thing she she could do would do the trick
Though the ferret squirmed around
Aunt May pinned it to the ground
And bashed its ruddy head in with a brick!

"Alternate Last verse written in 1989 by Vince Venus alias Gary"




Tune: My Grandfather's Clock

Submitted by Melbert, Grab, Howard


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:07 PM

There's also John Willie's Ferret which is a very funny song
G


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: GUEST,carol Steele
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 08:52 AM

Derek jolly is a friend of mine, he was born in Shildon County Durham, he lived in Reading, but moved to St Albans when his marriage ended, as far as I know,he lives in Cypres with his wife Anni, he has had 3 heart attacks,but I have lost touch,would love 2 get in touch again


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: breezy
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 05:51 PM

I'll ask round in Snorbens about D J I thought I hadnt seen him for a decade or two, playe with Chuck and the waggon if I remember

Gideon does it really good and have had the pleasure of accompanying him on a few occasions.


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 12:51 PM

I haven't seen Derek for well over thirty years although I remember him well from the North East. In those days he played in a duo with Pete Robbins and, if I remember correctly, they were involved in a club North side of the Tyne


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: Marje
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 01:30 PM

I occasionally sing this one - well, quite rarely, as it's the kind of song that needs to be rationed and reserved for the right occasion. I think it works best with just 4 verses - the "Neither did my Uncle Jack" punch-line gets such a laugh, it's the best place to stop.
Very pleased to learn who the author was, as I have never known who to credit it to. Thank you, Derek Jolly!

Marje


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: GUEST,DJ
Date: 08 May 11 - 01:08 PM

Hello Carol,
Just picked up your thread from June 09 would you believe! Still alive and well and Annie and I are now living in a beautiful restored farmhouse in North-Eastern Bulgaria with 2 dogs and a retired donkey. Love to hear from you and your latest news.
Derek J.


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: breezy
Date: 08 May 11 - 02:32 PM

Breezy says 'Hello'

So you wont be at Chris Flegg's gig at the rose and crown tomorrow then !

take care

John

who is still doing it up French Row and a picture in the Peahen.

Ruth is till at it but has had bad back probs

Who is the retired donkey !! ?


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 May 11 - 02:42 PM

Nice to see you post Derek - you should join this site ! Havent see Mike Tierney for a while either !!!

T"L"S


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 May 11 - 07:41 AM

See also My Electronic Watch By Patricia & Lionel Fanthorpe.

Cheers
Nigel


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: GUEST,andy & annie wing
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 05:17 PM

Hi Deej,
You are a hard man to track down. Glad you're good, would be great to hear from you.

Andy Wing


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 05:32 PM

For me the ferret song isn't funny at all. In January, a four-month-old baby boy in Grain Valley, Missouri lost seven fingers to a ferret. It isn't clear whether the parents were at home. The animal may have been starving or thirsty; no one says.

But I wouldn't have a ferret myself, no way.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 06:20 AM

Back in the 60s I recall Germaine Greer, then a Cambridge graduate student, singing a song in a Footlights Smoker called "My Grandfather's Rat" to Henry Clay Work's tune. But when I mentioned the memory to her some years later, she had no recollection of it whatsoever.

Was anyone else reading this there, by any chance? I think it was in the old Footlights clubroom, now long gone & built over, in the Old Lion Yard.

~M~


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Oct 12 - 07:12 PM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: rosma
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 12:24 PM

I occasionally sing "My Grandfather's Ferret", having got the words from
Mike Terney in Reading. I knew Derek Jolly when he was in Reading and
heard him sing it on quite a number of occasions. I have now probably
passed the song on to people in the Bristol area, so the folk process
continues!

I see that Derek himself contributed to this thread in 2011. I was
recently contacted by someone asking after Derek. Does anyone know
Derek's current whereabouts (or maybe he's still listening in). Maybe I
can put them back in touch.

Thanks

Simon


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: GUEST,Carol & Phil Steele & Di and Pete Robbins
Date: 22 Jul 13 - 10:22 AM

Hi Derek, have just picked up your message. Glad to hear that things are good for you and Annie in Bulgaria. Would love to get in touch and exchange your news. Are you on Facebook or our emails are - Peter zen8913@zen.co.uk and Phil - casteele1@hotmail.co.uk

Carol, Phil, Diana and Peter


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: Mr Happy
Date: 23 Jul 13 - 03:42 AM

Old Fred Broad who sang this song round our way used to sing the 1st line as 'My grandfather's ferret was a beast of little merit'- prob 'cause it scans better than 'creature'


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: My Grandfather's Ferret (Derek Jolly)
From: rosma
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 11:59 AM

A video of Derek Jolly singing My Grandfather's Ferret, which he wrote, has recently been posted on YouTube.

Simon


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