Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

Post to this Thread - Sort Descending - Printer Friendly - Home

Lyr Add: Hairdrier (Richard Stilgoe)

Related threads:
Richard Stilgoe (9)
Lyr Add: The Violin Farm (Richard Stilgoe) (6)
Poem Req: Who Pays The Piper (Richard Stilgoe) (5)
ADD: Joyce the Librarian (Stilgoe & Skellern) (8)

Monologue John 07 Mar 23 - 03:38 AM
Share Thread
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum Child
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:

Subject: Lyr Add: Hairdrier
From: Monologue John
Date: 07 Mar 23 - 03:38 AM


In height I am just five foot four & three quarters,
I'm blessed with a wife and three beautiful daughters
And all of my life I have wanted to be
A policeman (or policeperson, to be P.C.)

But they said "You're too little – we dare not employ you.
You might fool the crooks, but the lads would destroy you".
They wouldn't relent, despite my demands
So I took the law into my own soft, small hands.

I purchased a bright yellow waterproof jacket
(It's meant for a yachtsman – it cost me a packet).
And the milkman – a helpful, amenable chap
Gave me, for nothing, his second best cap.

To all of this somewhat unusual attire
I added my wife's dark brown plastic hairdrier.
And during the morning and evening rush hour
I point it at cars – I do love the power.

You should see their faces, they stand on the brakes
They slow down to thirty, each white knuckle shakes
As I write down their numbers upon my clipboard.
And nobody ever suspects I'm a fraud.

They dawdle back home at the pace of a snail
And wait for the summons to come in the mail.
For their licence to be taken and thrown in the bin
By the man with a Pifco that isn't plugged in.

I haven't, of course, told you all where I live –
And that's information I'm not going to give.
So you'll never know if the next copy you see
Is the genuine article, or merely me?

You can never be sure – was that cop a real cop?
Were you fooled by a hat from the local co-op.
Have you slowed to a crawl for a man standing there
With a wife and three daughters with slightly damp hair.

Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
  Share Thread:

Reply to Thread
Subject:  Help
Preview   Automatic Linebreaks   Make a link ("blue clicky")

Mudcat time: 9 June 8:08 PM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 2022 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.