MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 May 24 - 12:20 AM

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. The act of manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

The easier definition of this is when the child you nurse at home is riding in a tummy pack in the grocery store and they're trying to break through your shirt and bra to nurse while in a grocery store. (Throw a small blanket over the shoulder and head of the child and let them have access and no one in the store is the wiser.)

Donuel, stick to MOAB for a while, let the joke thread alone. I love you and your whimsy but your darker side is not helping that other thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 24 - 10:32 PM

A black hole is where God divides by zero

The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken."

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep."

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus."

"Your kid may be an honor student but YOU'RE still an IDIOT!"

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."

"Friends don't let friends drive Naked."

"Wink, I'll do the rest!"

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"I souport publik edekasion."

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."

"2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2."

"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."

"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."





On Criticism...
Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them...
you are a mile away from them...
and you have their shoes.





Some Time-Honored Truths...
1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

7. I doubt, therefore I might be.

8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

10. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. A fool and his money are soon partying.

14. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

15. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

16. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

19. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

20. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

21. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

22. If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

23. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

24. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 24 - 10:27 PM

Yiddish curses are a mouthful too.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 24 - 08:51 PM

And for something entirely different....

Go mbí do chaid amuigh agat.

Go gcuire sé sconna siar sí ort, agus scread maidne ort.

Nár fhaighir slí i geaiseal.

Now go practice your Irish curses!

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 24 - 06:13 AM

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus)adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPETUATION (kar pet' u a shun)n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. UNDUST (un dust')n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. The act of manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay')n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh)n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. LATTEBLOW (la tay' blow)v. Unintentional expusion of milk through the nose during a laugh.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 24 - 08:25 PM

Little Jack Horner
Sits in a corner
Extracting cube roots to infinity,
An assignment for boys
The will minimize noise
And produce a more peaceful vicinity.

Automation
Is vexation,
Quaternions are bad;
Analysis Situs
Is only detritus,
I wonder: Have I been had?

Little Bo-Peep
Has lost her sheep,
The radar has failed to find them.
They'll all, face to face,
Meet in parallel space,
Preceding their leaders behind them.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 05 May 24 - 07:58 PM

Donald Trump ordered his chief of staff to Condemn the recently arrested journalists and politicians.
At the prison he gave each prisoner a Condom.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 05 May 24 - 06:14 PM

Katagelasticism is a psychological condition in which a person excessively enjoys mocking others. Katagelasticists actively seek and establish situations in which they can laugh at others (at the expense of these people). There is a broad variety of things that katagelasticists would do—starting from harmless pranks or word plays to truly embarrassing and even harmful, mean-spirited jokes. They would be of the opinion that mocking others is part of the daily life and if others do not like being laughed at, they should just fight back. For katagelasticists, it is fun mocking others and there is almost nothing that might hinder them from doing so. For them, some people might even provoke getting mocked. This condition often makes it difficult for sufferers behave on social media.

however some deserve mockery

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 05 May 24 - 05:23 AM

ignisecond, n:
        The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
        door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
                -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 24 - 05:28 PM

The firemen and police left a half hour ago. It all started by leaving the car interior lights on. I accidentally hit the switch when I opened the sunroof days ago. I have seen episodes of airplane disasters when the pilot hit the wrong switch. I didn't expect I would do the same.

This morning the door opened but it would not start, dead battery.
I could call AAA and get a jump but I thought if I waited when it was 90 degrees it might start this afternoon. So when I went out an hour ago the door would not even open. Aha a tow truck driver taught me how to unlock the door if disabled due to an attempted break-in or dead battery. There is a secret key slot at the rear of the car that opens the trunk and from there a hidden cable that can be pulled to open the door.

It all worked so now I could unlatch the hood. I was feeling pretty smart when I sat down. Muscle memory was closing the door when my brain said don't do that. Click. I was now locked in a small 90 degree car with no horn or phone. The windows were sealed but by lying down and kicking it I could jam a pair of scissors and umbrella in the crack to get an inch of air by bending the window outward. I was winded and hot from the kicking so I took of my shirt. Eventually my neighbor was unloading her kids when she heard my yell for help. She called the fire dept and I gave my info through the small window opening.

I heard the sirens when the first lady cop arrived. I explained how to find the secret cable to unlock the door while she held a window breaker. It worked and I explained to the firemen how she had opened the door and thanked them all. She wanted to know how I knew about the secret cable and I explained about the tow truck driver. I thanked the neighbor and went in the house. My wife was none the wiser wearing her noise cancelling headphones and in a meeting about ribosomic DNA.

Subject: RE: MOAB science trivia (of all BS)
From: Donuel
Date: 01 May 24 - 11:16 PM

Tantalum, Boron and a touch of Iridium make an alloy that has solid solutions, a nonoxidizing subsurface and high conductivity that makes a good hard but flexible skin for UFOs. (EYES ONLY)

Gold is only formed in the largest massive supernovas or colliding neutron stars but silver is produced in any ol' run-of-the-mill nova.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 24 - 09:24 PM

Today the neurosurgeon told me not to come back until I need him again. He approved the way I walk and use a stick to help with balance when needed.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 24 - 07:55 PM

Stilly, I agree about lead poisoning. The cops and the city, however, frown on it. Otherwise I'd just use a .22 or an air rifle.

But...I have a friend who is a legal trapper and supports his family partially by the pelts he sells and the money he makes trapping for various ranchers. He's very ethical and may have another suggestion. I'll ask him.

I could be persuaded to do nothing, except that the tunnels run downhill from my lawn to the golf course and I don't want my backyard to develop a bad case of erosion.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Apr 24 - 06:24 AM

Their crime is fake news about the Russian Army.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Apr 24 - 06:08 AM

Good news for Putin. Journalists from Reuters, AP, and even Forbes have been arrested.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Apr 24 - 10:10 PM

Trouble with that "poison dinner" is that the next hawk that eats one of those critters will also die of the poison. Don't you have any other options? Lead poisoning is probably preferable to the other poisons.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 24 - 09:07 PM

We have a good sprinkler system and good sprinkler techs. We do NOT have good weather or control over tiny earthquakes which barely move a seismograph needle. Or rodents that live underground and gnaw on plastic sprinkler pipes and whom I shall feed a poison dinner as soon as I am able.

Yes, I shall be certain that what I use is well underground and that the corpses are not when they might be eaten by the various hawks, owls, eagles, and other critters who frequent the golf course behind the house. Oddly enough, the cops take a dim view of shooting in the city limits, even with an air rifle (BB gun).

I'd trap them, but releasing them out in the national forest is nearly certain death for them anyway. I've checked before and our animal control bunch doesn't deal with moles, voles, skunks, feral cats, and certain others.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Apr 24 - 02:11 PM

Rap, having to set up or restore the home system is the price we pay for not letting the IP company send a tech out who fiddles with stuff and leaves you with whatever their default setting is, and not giving you much information. I've helped several friends with the systems the cable or phone company left behind, usually with setting up a booster or extra ports for the router.

If I ever get the house leveled (right now it is at its most level time of the year, the soil is moist and the cracks have almost disappeared in the walls and at the ceiling edge) I'll put in a sprinkler system. That I will diagram and supervise because too often those sprinkler guys just wing it. (Neighbors up the street paid for a high dollar system only to find later that they put in a cheap set of buried hoses and such, workmen long gone along with their cash).

MOM should have Gluon train to help with this stuff, I bet a duckdog would be great at digging and working out the water end of things.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 24 - 12:52 PM

The network is working fine. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. That's why I'm down here again working on it.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 24 - 05:41 PM

So far today I have spent better that five (5) hours installing a new Netgear Nighthawk MESH network system here in the house. The sprinkler people come out, replaced the bent pipe comprising the top rail of the back fence, dug out and replaced TWO breaks in the main sprinkler line in the back yard, and replaced a busted sprinkler head.

I had planned to do other things today that mess with routers, satellites, IP addresses, and suchlike nonsense. Of course, neither had I planned to do what the sprinkler guys did. I had hoped to read and nap.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 11:48 AM

Discontinue use if it causes death.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 10:49 AM

Glucosamine Chondroitin worked on my stuck shoulder.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Apr 24 - 06:59 PM

Like MOM, like daughter:
sinking to the bottom of the queue.
Let's head back up to the top.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Apr 24 - 06:11 AM

It ain't the sixties but there are still some young people who care and believe they can change the world. After our leaders like JFK, RFK and MLK were assassinated, today there are leaderless collectives of dissent. However, there has been enough disinterest and old-time religion to turn the clock back on women 200 years. There are more guns than peace signs and more fascists than progressives in the House. There are more mass shootings than Taylor Swift songs, and more extinctions than politicians.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Apr 24 - 03:51 PM

No, you aren't.
I was away for three days.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 24 - 02:49 PM

Mom! Am I the only one who now cares?

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 24 - 09:11 PM

Since the ophthalmologist I've been seeing for 20 years has retired, I had an appointment today with another one (who worked with the first and has his records). HOWEVER, he is in a practice of ophthamology only -- he can't prescribe glasses. Sooo...I have an appointment with another person who can (who also worked with my original eye doctor) at the end of May, unless there's a cancellation and they can work me in. Fortunately, the optician is still the same in the same place so getting new specs isn't a problem (save for the cost).

This is the first time in my life I've run into this situation.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 24 - 08:24 PM

Librarians are the secret masters of the Universe. DON'T ever piss one off.

                                 Spider Robinson

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 24 - 02:28 PM

Everyday is, it’s not just celebrated. WE RULE!!!

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Apr 24 - 09:23 PM

Today was National Librarian Day.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 24 - 01:11 PM

Goodness me!   Mom, why are ou hanging out with the old folks? And shake those cigar ashes off your shawl!

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Apr 24 - 07:08 PM

With my vintage mixer I am making natural casing pastrami dogs.
Its 4 parts minced pastrami and one part Nathan's hot dog.

Today was nice with iconic puffy clouds so we went for a long walk down to Turtle Pond but it felt like it was uphill both ways.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Apr 24 - 04:14 PM

Anything interesting happening out on the golf course? Have you set up a golf ball vending machine at your back fence?

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Apr 24 - 07:27 PM

I seem to remember, Rapparee, that you live in
what you called the "banana belt" of Idaho.
So, along with the snow,
I hope there are soon flowers to enjoy, like crocuses.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 24 - 04:40 PM

I went with a friend for a nice long ride this morning. Lots of snow up in them thar hills 'round hyar.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Apr 24 - 10:50 AM

Thinking of you, Rapparee.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 24 - 03:57 PM

The wax of my memory was scraped and melted for a couple of months. Right now, a drain will be installed next Tuesday and then plugged to stop the continued leak of cerebral-spinal fluid. The leak is considerably slowed but not yet stopped.   My life seems to be one medical thing after another right now.

Gluon dropped by and tried to console me with a fresh tokamak.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 03 Apr 24 - 06:39 AM

> I can remember lyrics I learned fifty years back, but not
> things that happened three weeks ago.

The wax of the tablet of memory gets hardened with age. Once you've seen it all, nothing new makes much of an impression.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 24 - 06:44 PM

I awakened from a nap and picked up a book — and there was a reference to Eleanor of Aquitaine. This triggered another memory and I quietly sang all of “Quen Eleanor’s Confession.” Odd. I can remember lyrics I learned fifty years back, but not things that happened three weeks ago.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Mar 24 - 07:32 AM

The world's burnin at both ends
but we're waking up slowly
News is a game of pretend
and the best liars are holy

Change has always been this way
but were waking up slowly
Morning feels like a new day
The same old thing is phony

When you're waking up slowly
think of one thing you can change
and then just go out boldly
and do it even if its strange

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 24 - 02:37 PM

Well, the city golf course workers starting to clean up after the heavy snow three weeks or so back.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 24 - 06:38 PM

Yes, but didn’t stay long. Barely long enough to hump my leg eight or ten times.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Mar 24 - 10:45 AM

Rap, has Gluon been by to see you lately?

QUARK!!!

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 23 Mar 24 - 07:38 AM

> I keep getting signals from the universe, they're incoherent.

Are you a radioastronomer, Rap? it's the only field I've been in where noise is the signal, and coherent signals are the noise.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Mar 24 - 06:03 AM

I cannot say that I know you well
But you can't lie to me with all these books that you sell
I'm not trying to follow you to the end of the world
I'm just trying to leave something behind
Words have come from men and mouse
Oh, but I can't help thinking that I have heard the wrong crowd
When all the water is gone my job will be too
So I'm trying to leave something behind
Oh, money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
Oh, the future ahead is broken and red
And I'm trying to leave something behind
This whole world is a foreign land
We swallow the moon, but we do not know our own hand
Oh, we're running with the case, but we ain't got the gold
Yet we're trying to leave something behind
My friends, I belive we are at the wrong fight
And I can not read what I did not write
I've been to his house, but the master is gone
Yet we're trying to leave something behind
Now there is a beast who has taken my brain
You can put me to bed, but you can't feel my pain
When the machine has taken the soul from the man
It's time to leave something behind
Oh, money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
Oh, the future ahead is already dead
And it's time to leave something behind
Now, I've got this feeling that I'm still at the shore
And pockets don't know what it means to be poor
I can get through the wall if you give me a door
So I can leave something behind
Oh, wisdom is lost in the trees somewhere
Oh, you're not gonna find it in some mental gray hair
It's locked up from those who hurry ahead
And it's time to leave something behind
Oh, money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
When my son is a man, he will know what I meant
When I was just trying to leave something behind
And I'm trying to leave something behind
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Sean Rowe

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Mar 24 - 01:09 PM

I did, over a cuppa with Steve Hawking at Kings one afternoon. We came up with the whole lack hole thing. I did the thinking and he did the math.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Mar 24 - 09:06 AM

Only two tidbits of innovative cosmology have become apparent to me this decade. 1 is that the inflation theory is far from what we are led to believe leading to a much older universe than we deduced from background microwave radiation.
2 is that black holes are space-time generators.

There is a meme that says if you don't contribute a major discovery by 30 you never will. The problem is too many people believe that is true.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Mar 24 - 07:03 PM

The new physics we need to be open-source is actually almost a hundred years old. Much of that tech was explored by Thomas Thompson Brown Who died in 1985. Electrogravitics was one of his inventions that used high voltage low current science. The last 20% of this video explains his contributions. An explanation how UFO's work.

Sorry but classified info is often approached obliquely.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Mar 24 - 12:14 PM

My favorite mashup movie is on, The Day After Strangelove On the Beach.

Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 24 - 08:40 PM

I keep getting signals from the universe, they're incoherent.