BS: Joke thread for 2025

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Jun 25 - 11:41 AM

That's the way to do it... :-)

Use truncheon instead of nightstick though if you want it to be proper British!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Jun 25 - 05:46 PM

Not sure ourAmerican friends will understand this one..who knows?               
You can't even go to the seaside now without witnessing violence and outrageous behaviour. There was a man and a woman on the beach arguing in front of a group of children. She actually hit him in the face and they both ended up hitting each other. A policeman arrived to sort the problem and had to use his nightstick to hit the man. However, the man wrestled the nightstick of the policeman and started beating him with it......... then a crocodile appeared and ran off with some sausages!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Rain Dog
Date: 14 Jun 25 - 03:25 PM

Something I remember from approx. 50 to 55 years ago. You probably have to be from the same generation as myself to recognise the pun.

What do you call someone who looks down rabbit holes?

A burrow surveyor.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 14 Jun 25 - 10:51 AM

Voice Amplification by Mike Raphone

Coffee Maker by Phil Turr

Dog's Dinner by Nora Bone

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Jun 25 - 06:21 AM

A woman had had some blood tests at her local doctors' surgery. She was unable to collect the results herself so she asked her husband to call in and pick them up for her.

When he told the receptionist his wife's name, the receptionist hesitated and said "Er, just wait a minute, sir, while I call the doctor to see you..."

So the doc came in and said to the bloke, "I'm really sorry Mr Smith, but when your wife came in there was another Mrs Smith in at the same time giving samples, and we've got their results mixed up..."

"Well can't you just do the tests again?"

"Well, the tests are very expensive and your medical insurance wouldn't finance a repeat..."

"Well why not just give me the results of both women and maybe we can work it out.."

"Hmmm, Well OK, but I need to tell you that one woman's tests showed that she has dementia and the other showed gonorrhoea..."

"Blimey doc, so what would you advise?"

"Well, if it were my wife, I'd drop her off in town for a shopping trip. If she made it home I wouldn't have sex with her..."

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Jun 25 - 08:29 PM

Dreadful Titles by Fred Bled

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?
A rebel without a clause.

What has twenty-seven actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?
Six hundred and seventy-one Hallmark movies.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 13 Jun 25 - 12:25 PM

American Independence by Bertha Vanation

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 13 Jun 25 - 12:09 PM

The Joys Of Motoring by Ivor Crankshaft

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 13 Jun 25 - 11:46 AM

This made me smile today:
Archaeologists have discovered a mummy's tomb. The mummy was covered in nuts and chocolate. The believe it is the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 08 Jun 25 - 04:06 AM

Broken Window by Eva Brick

Chinese Arsonist by Kin Dling

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 06 Jun 25 - 04:26 AM

Thirst Quenchers by Bev Arage

Lumberjack by Tim Burr

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 Jun 25 - 02:34 AM

He would have made a good Doctor Who :-)

I just saw an advert for a pen that can write underwater.

Dunno if it can write other words...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 04 Jun 25 - 02:37 PM

Einstein developed his theory about space and it was about time too.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MudGuard
Date: 31 May 25 - 04:33 PM

Alternative fuels, by Vin Diesel

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 31 May 25 - 03:25 PM

Sorry

Geology by Roxanne Minerals

Too much wine lol

Fred

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 31 May 25 - 03:19 PM

Archaeology by Roxanne Minerals

Living On A Budget by Penny Pincher

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 30 May 25 - 03:05 PM

It Wasn't Me by Ivan Alibi

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 30 May 25 - 08:39 AM

Suspended by Dan Glynn

Right, that's me, I've got to get on.

Later
Fred

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 30 May 25 - 08:28 AM

An History Of Rabbits by Bunny Warren

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Raggytash
Date: 30 May 25 - 07:08 AM

Pamphlet Design by Leif Lett even!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 30 May 25 - 04:12 AM

And last from me:

Leaflet Design by Pam Flett

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 30 May 25 - 04:02 AM

School Sports by Jim Nasium

Not too Hot Not Too Cold by Lou Quarm

The Apiarist by Bea Hives

Pancakes by Mabel Sirrup

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 30 May 25 - 02:56 AM

I seem to be coming up with real people -
How about the Democrat's envoy to the Middle East?
Anthony Blinken.
He used to be in a rock group and traded as.......... (refer back to politics)

A Blinken

I bet he was nervous playing at theatres!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 29 May 25 - 12:29 PM

Just a quick one from my holiday chateau ;-)

Smart Beer Making by Bud Wiser

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 29 May 25 - 09:54 AM

A Field Guide to UFOs
by I.M. Nutz

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 29 May 25 - 06:33 AM

Snitches get Stitches by Ima Ratt.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 28 May 25 - 02:10 PM

I'm selling my John Lennon vinyl collection on Ebay

Imagine all the PayPal...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 01:58 PM

You guys will have to manage without me for a while. I know it's hard but you'll have to try lol.

Going up to Aberdeenshire for a couple of weeks - the wife, our two daughters, the dog and me.

Stay safe, hope you have good weather, see ya when we get back.

All the best
Fred

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 May 25 - 01:13 PM

Falling from trees by R. Stornaway.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 28 May 25 - 12:27 PM

What the F by Fred Flap

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 12:12 PM

Flay not Flat. It's Gilly's fault - got me in a flap :-D

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 12:05 PM

The Death Penalty by X E Cautioner

French Cooking by Sue Flat

Artificial Clothing by Polly Ester

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 28 May 25 - 11:38 AM

V.D.: Nothing to Clap About by I.P. Screaming

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 28 May 25 - 11:21 AM

The Unknown Rodent by A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 11:06 AM

Deception by Miss Lead

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 10:58 AM

Fifty Yards To The outhouse by Willie Maykit; Forward by Betty Wont

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 06:13 AM

Tyrant Of The Potatoes by Dick Tater

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 04:26 AM

I Love Mathematics by Adam Hup

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 04:19 AM

Pub Crawl by Carrie Meholm

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 04:15 AM

It's A Holdup by Nick R Elastic

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 May 25 - 04:12 AM

Gambling by Monty Carlo

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MudGuard
Date: 27 May 25 - 11:23 PM

Back to the books:
Cheating at Sports, by Anna Bolika, Eve Nedrine and Do Ping

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 27 May 25 - 06:35 PM

The presidential limousine pulls up to Air Force One. Donald Trump steps out with a small pig tucked under each arm.

As he’s about to board the plane, a Secret Service agent stops him and asks, “Sir, forgive my intrusion, but what’s with the pigs?”

Donald motions to one and says, “I got this one for Eric,” he motions to the other, “and I got this one for Don Jr.”

The secret service agent nods in approval and says, “Excellent trade, sir.”

----------------

AIR FORCE ONE was reported to have crashed near a Nebraska farm
When the sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess he did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer plowing a field not too far away, as if nothing had happened at all. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yup. Sure did," the farmer said, cutting off his motor.

"Do you realize that is the airplane of the President of the United States?"

"Yup."

"Were there any survivors?"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out. I done buried them all myself."

"Oh my god. President Trump is dead?"

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... but you know what a liar he is!"


https://www.tiktok.com/@rickmarston/video/7283528071561465093?lang=en

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 27 May 25 - 06:11 PM

Going to the airport is becoming a terminal illness.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 27 May 25 - 05:08 PM

And one more:

Insurance by Justin Case

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 27 May 25 - 12:18 PM

Gilly,

I've no time me old mate - kept hard at it by Mrs Fred. Drains, gutters, walk the dangerous beast, you know how it goes ;)

Fred

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 27 May 25 - 12:09 PM

Truancy by Marcus Absent

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 27 May 25 - 11:59 AM

Fred, you should start a book club. :')

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 27 May 25 - 11:58 AM

It's A Fake by Artie Fishall

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 27 May 25 - 11:48 AM

Seaside Amusements by Penny R Cade