BS: Joke thread for 2025

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 28 Jul 25 - 04:46 PM

Waiting For Dinner by Sally Vating

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jul 25 - 10:42 AM

I told a friend the joke about the wall....He couldn't get over it.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Jul 25 - 03:01 PM

What' a moslem's favorite Mexican dish?

Inchalladas!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 27 Jul 25 - 09:03 AM

Have you heard the covers band Paper? Apparently they only cover Rock.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jul 25 - 06:27 AM

There is a joke about margarine too but not heard it lately as people are not spreading it.

Subject: you either think it's a joke or you don't
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Jul 25 - 10:40 AM

I "cooked" up a joke about Marmite, it's a crocker......... I tell 'em better (in a Frank Carson voice)

but I can't tell you

it's in bad taste

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Jul 25 - 09:20 AM

I am resisting reposting my joke about plagiarism!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Raggytash
Date: 24 Jul 25 - 06:26 PM

Perhaps in the wrong thread?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 24 Jul 25 - 04:04 PM

Stolen from the comments section for Stop flooding us with AI-based grant applications, begs Health Institute in (surprise) The Register:

Close the loop, with more AI (User McUser)

An AI writes the grant application, an AI approves it, an AI then does all the research using other AIs, another AI reproduces it, another AI files the patent, an AI approves that, then another AI starts a company to commercialize it with yet another AI that hypes it up before the IPO then cashes out immediately and runs off to somewhere with cheap electricity and lax tax laws where it invests in an AI company that writes grant applications.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Aethelric
Date: 24 Jul 25 - 01:33 PM

My brother is a lovely girl.

She's my transister.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 24 Jul 25 - 07:50 AM

What is God's favourite chord?



Gsus

Subject: chip designer's joke
From: Mr Red
Date: 24 Jul 25 - 06:19 AM

One from Don Macmillan who does very funny jokes with PowerPoint.

Why is the Higgs Boson the Pope's favourite particle?

Because without the Higgs, there would be no mass.

he was a chip designer at IBM

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Jul 25 - 02:55 PM

I asked God what would our lifetime be in His reckoning He told me it would be less than a second. asked God 'What would £1,000,000 be like if it were yours...God replied that it would never be but that a million pounds would be like a penny to Him. I said to Him...'Can I have one of your pennies'? He replied 'Of course my son..just wait a second'

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Jul 25 - 07:27 AM

In a discussion in physics class about the Fermi paradox, a young student asked, " What's a billion years of difference in evolution among friends?" The professor quickly answered, "It's about the same difference between a Mimosa plant and Einstein."

Subject: Things I find amusing
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Jul 25 - 05:02 AM

After dancing with an elderly dancer she says "that was energetic I am sweating"
Says I with a knowing smile "was it good for you?"
after just enough delay to prove the ambiguity had registered - she laughs gently and reflectively. Remembering something.

cue joke police

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 20 Jul 25 - 12:10 PM

My Motorcycle Accident by Kay Moffitt

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jul 25 - 10:44 AM

They say it's best to have unlikely relationships and when disagreeing, to not be disagreeable, so a few advanced alien lifeforms have learned to share their observation of Earth. A first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons." The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 19 Jul 25 - 03:18 PM

Gilly -

Here's a vote for you to stay.

-F

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 19 Jul 25 - 09:09 AM

That's a good one. I'm stealing it.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jul 25 - 08:48 AM

I made up a new word! I call it Plagiarism.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 19 Jul 25 - 05:24 AM

A couple go into a restaurant. The man orders two bowls of soup as a starter.
When the waiter returns, the man notices that he has his thumb in his, so he says "If you're thumb's cold, why don't you shove it up your ass?!" and the waiter says "Well, I do when I'm in the kitchen!"

-F

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Jul 25 - 02:51 AM

Yebbut some streams stink and splashing them over everyone else's shoes is not on

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Jul 25 - 04:57 PM

That's the spirit. You tend to your stream and we'll tend to ours.
Crossing the streams is not as dangerous as first feared.
“Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our back.”
“Yep. Now, switch me on."

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 18 Jul 25 - 10:40 AM

Perhaps we need a thread named something like "Things I Find Humorous", it might help keep the joke stream running clear. I won't start it but I'd probably contribute to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 18 Jul 25 - 10:35 AM

I thought there was, but there was a puff of wind, and ....

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 18 Jul 25 - 10:27 AM

Is there a joke in there somewhere?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 18 Jul 25 - 10:19 AM

A chain of comments a historical article in The Register on the Smoot (a unit of length .... ach, read the article):

the thickness of screw threads was not fully standardized in the US

The thickness of heads is still not fully standardized in the US. The ANSI standard blockhead remains unaccredited not being able to arrive at consensus.

It's just a matter of calibrating the unit, the millitrump.

I thought the millitrump was a measure of mushrooms?

:)

mushrooms? or beans?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 18 Jul 25 - 06:33 AM

The problem with CEOs is that the 90% who are crooked give the rest a bad name.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Jul 25 - 07:38 AM

Pete Hegseth just installed a new alternative fax machine.

The problem with Trump jokes is that Republicans don't think they are funny, and Democrats don't think they are jokes.

What did the new weather service say when asked how to respond to Hurricane Sally?
“Pay her less than Stormy Daniels!”

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 17 Jul 25 - 07:38 AM

Leather Preparation by Tanya Hyde

Life Before Cars by Orson Buggy

Helping Hand by Abel N. Willin

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 17 Jul 25 - 07:29 AM

Mapping Your Country by Sir Veigh

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 17 Jul 25 - 05:24 AM

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
Do these genes make me look fat?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Raggytash
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 07:20 PM

Mr Red, could you please elucidate, I haven't a clue what you are on about!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 03:41 PM

From an old-fashioned squareish Volvo from the early 90s and obviously still going strong.

"I do not identify as a Polestar!

&

"If it leaks oil, it has got oil"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 02:25 PM

One for musicians:

More Of A Lute Than A Guitar by Amanda Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 12:34 PM

The Nudist Camp by Seymour Butts

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 12:30 PM

Looking Younger by Fay Slift

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 12:26 PM

Pampering by Molly Coddle

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 11:38 AM

Mexican Revenge by Monte Zuma

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 11:34 AM

Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 09:47 AM

Patient: I'm a little nervous, doctor. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Mine too.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 16 Jul 25 - 08:58 AM

Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 15 Jul 25 - 02:53 PM

Grave Mistakes by Paul Bearer

Military Rules by Marshall Law

Funny B*stards by Joe Kerr

Get Out There by Sally Forth

My Lost Causes by Noah Veil

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 15 Jul 25 - 02:30 PM

Breaking The Law by Kermit A. Krime

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 15 Jul 25 - 08:23 AM

I asked my wife if she'd still love me if I was old and overweight.
She replied "Yes, I Do".

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 14 Jul 25 - 06:08 AM

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day, but set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 13 Jul 25 - 10:56 AM

Found this, once I'd waded through the small ads in The Compleat Ankh-Morpork City Guide, and discovered the Clubs and Societies section:

The Ankh-Morport Recovering Accordion Players' Society

To lie in thrall to the muse of music can be a curse to the few as it is to the many, and the stress of playing the accordion to a chorus of "bloody well stop playing that damn thing" does take its toll after a while. Sufferers are understood and welcomed, and in some cases, with help, are encouraged to learn the banjo, thus rehabilitating them into society. Donations are always welcome.

No harmonica or squeeze-box players admitted.

The nearby panel advertisement shows a chap sat on a chair playing a piano-accordion, with a notice on the wall behind him saying DO NOT DISTURB. At his side is a woman sitting arms folded, with a facial expression best described as "seriously dischuffed, but determined to not explode .... yet".

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Aethelric
Date: 13 Jul 25 - 10:21 AM

The lawyer said, “Your honour, he was a drunk as a judge”

The judge said “You mean as drunk as a lord?”

The lawyer said “Yes, sorry m’ Lord”

Just then a man wearing a top coat, cap, and scarf came into the courtroom and ran around all the females present feeling their breasts.

The next day the newspaper said “At the lawyers comment, a muffled titter ran around the courtroom”

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Fred
Date: 13 Jul 25 - 09:54 AM

Goodbye Cruel World by Sue Acide

Harassment by Percy Kuwshiun

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 13 Jul 25 - 05:46 AM

Trump had his periodic colonoscopy last week, they didn't find anything but his head.