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Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)

DigiTrad:
BOLD SIR JOHN


Related threads:
Lyr Req: Songs by Jehosophat & Jones / 2 Ronnies (39)
Lyr Add: Gilbert and Sullivan (The Two Ronnies) (9)
The two Ronnies (28)
Obit: Ronnie Corbett (1930-2016) (19)
Two Ronnies Barbershop Sketch song (7)
BS: Two Ronnies on Freeview ITV3 (1)
Obit: Ronnie Barker (1929-2005) (47)
Lyr Req: The Two Ronnies - The Morris dancers (17)
two ronnies - a puritan am i (4)


Mr Red 12 Jun 17 - 04:52 AM
GUEST 15 Feb 12 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,Andy G 26 Jul 10 - 05:39 PM
GUEST 15 Dec 09 - 07:31 PM
Leadfingers 23 Jul 09 - 10:27 AM
Leadfingers 23 Jul 09 - 10:23 AM
GUEST,Estabistusino 23 Jul 09 - 10:21 AM
Curious Clouseau 13 Feb 09 - 12:11 PM
GUEST,Davy T 12 Feb 09 - 04:40 PM
Weasel 29 Dec 08 - 08:54 AM
Weasel 29 Dec 08 - 07:43 AM
GUEST,Guest CS 29 Dec 08 - 05:48 AM
romany man 28 Dec 08 - 04:38 AM
Tattie Bogle 27 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM
Tattie Bogle 27 Dec 08 - 12:12 PM
GUEST,CS 26 Dec 08 - 05:41 PM
GUEST,Marty in Zim 16 Dec 08 - 03:48 AM
Mr Red 03 Oct 08 - 09:33 AM
GUEST,Moleman 02 Oct 08 - 04:43 PM
Peter the Squeezer 08 Sep 08 - 04:31 PM
Peter the Squeezer 08 Sep 08 - 04:29 PM
GUEST 07 Sep 08 - 08:59 AM
banjoman 23 Jun 08 - 06:50 PM
Murray MacLeod 23 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM
Bernard Quenby 23 Jun 08 - 11:46 AM
GUEST 23 Jun 08 - 07:53 AM
GUEST,Curious Clouseau 03 Mar 08 - 11:42 AM
GUEST,Chris Bryans 14 Feb 08 - 12:13 PM
Mr Happy 01 Oct 07 - 08:50 AM
Mr Happy 01 Oct 07 - 08:47 AM
Mr Red 01 Oct 07 - 07:54 AM
Sky Sailor 01 Oct 07 - 04:21 AM
GUEST,Brendan Richards 01 Oct 07 - 02:27 AM
Bainbo 11 Aug 07 - 09:28 AM
GUEST,squishyfishy 11 Aug 07 - 07:58 AM
Scrump 22 Jan 07 - 10:00 AM
GUEST,Murray MacLeod 21 Jan 07 - 01:53 PM
DMcG 21 Jan 07 - 11:22 AM
GUEST,Goldcrest 307955 21 Jan 07 - 10:57 AM
GUEST,Daddo 18 May 06 - 06:15 AM
GUEST,Nigel the Morris man 14 May 06 - 05:54 AM
GUEST,Curious Clouseau 08 Feb 06 - 01:04 PM
mooman 08 Feb 06 - 09:59 AM
Snuffy 08 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM
GUEST,Curious Clouseau 08 Feb 06 - 06:32 AM
GUEST,Curious Clouseau 25 Jan 06 - 08:28 AM
David C. Carter 24 Jan 06 - 07:25 PM
GUEST,Peter Green 24 Jan 06 - 06:46 PM
GUEST,Ben 16 Jan 06 - 04:16 AM
GUEST,Lady Nancy 06 Jan 06 - 02:58 PM
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Mr Red
Date: 12 Jun 17 - 04:52 AM

the The Phantasm Raspberry Blower of Old London Town springs to mind sketch was written by Spike Milligan


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 10:18 AM

Avie Two Ronnies Barber shop quintet


Goodbye baldies,goodbye baldies, goodbye baldies,
Its time to leave you now.
Now that you have lost your hair
Your all bare, we dont care
Stick your hats on fair and square,
Then no one will know.

Reapeat first three lines.

First three lines to the tune of "Good noght ladies" the rest to the tune of "Merrily we roll along"


2.Now hows he chin this morning sir?
Its on the hairy side,its on the hairy side,
The grizzly beary side.
So kindly take this warning sir,
Be on the wary side in case you scratch the girl that you adore.

A shave is whats intended sir,
makes you feel good inside, makes you look good ouitside,
Hold uo your head with pride.
This soap is recomended sir
Contains insecticide, gives each little spot what for

Sung to the tune "Down by the riverside!

Now dont upet yourself and dont fell rotten,
Your hair is gone but not forgotten,
HIP HOORAY, HIP HORRAY , WE CAN RAISE IT UO AGAIN.
Thers some wigs in the cupboard and I dont know were i got em,
But theyre made of nylon mixed with cotton.
get away, get away, get away, its a fact.

well they could be rather tricky to keep in place.
What we need is soemthing sticky and we'll splash it on all over.
By gum! theyre stuck! A srrong man couldnt lift em.
The best of luck, you'll never never shift enm.

You,ll never nevr shift them!

Sung to the tune of "Down by the river side"

Hope this is what you wanted


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Subject: RE: The Roadsweepers Song : Somebodys got to do it
From: GUEST,Andy G
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 05:39 PM

This lovely lilting song and dance with the two Ronnies dressed as Dustmen/Roadsweepers has haunted me for years. Can anyone out there remember the date of the show and better still provide me with the words The Chorus goes 'And Somebodys decided that its us'. Please help!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 07:31 PM

"Adic, adic, adic, adic, addicted to love's ways I'm not.
No cock, no cock, no cock, no cock, no cocksure rake am I"

I like it, I like it.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:27 AM

Hi Estabistusino .
             At the top of the page is a 'Start New Thread' Click on option - It fairly self explanatory !
               And Joining is free and has benefits ! Welcome aboard and Good Luck


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:23 AM

100


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Subject: Gripping
From: GUEST,Estabistusino
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:21 AM

Hello my friends, I'm Estabistusino. I here at www.mudcat.org for the first time. It's
very interesting forum, but how I can start a new topic?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Curious Clouseau
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 12:11 PM

Yes I have the "Stuttering Bum" in MP3 format. Send me a private message with your e-mail and I'll send it to you.

Maybe someone on the list can help me this. I am looking for an lp that Ronnie Barker done in the seventies called "A Pint Of Old and Filthy". I anyone has a copy or could make me a copy I would really appreciate it. Thanks.


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Subject: Stuttering Bum
From: GUEST,Davy T
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 04:40 PM

Hi there!

I have been trying to get "Stuttering Bum" on mp3 for years now! Is there anyone out there who can help me???

Payment can be made via PayPal, cash, IOU's, livestock or half drunk bottles of Olde English............

Thank you!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Weasel
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 08:54 AM

It's done - tell me where to send it!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Weasel
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 07:43 AM

I can probably sort you out with something very simple (probably by this afternoon). Send me a private message.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,Guest CS
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 05:48 AM

Thanks for the replies. I know the tune but can't put a name to it and am not clever enough to rewrite the score for the piano. If anyone could help out it would be fab. We plan to include it in our Gang Show at Easter.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: romany man
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 04:38 AM

oh deep joy, what a giggle , id forgotten the whole thing , now firmly planted in the memory banks,


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM

There's a longer clip of the same, but preceded by the Morris dancing (of sorts!) from about 1/3 of the way through the clip.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=urFKP3iy7BY&feature=related


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:12 PM

Bold Sir John seems to be back on Youtube, but better watch it quick before it gets pulled off again! Loads of other 2 Ronnies videos for those seeking other songs mentioned above!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=woqfb12h4y4


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 05:41 PM

Does anyone know the name of the tune used for Bold Sir John. Was it an original arrangement or a traditional folk song with their lyrics used instead ?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,Marty in Zim
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:48 AM

Reply to Gareth the guest "anyone remember", it's from the vinyl "The best of the two Ronnies", track 2 "The Brass Band" shown here http://pegnsean.net/~occupant/media.htm.
I'm looking for the words to the skit they did called "The boys in the Ballet", performed to the music of Nutcracker.

Martin


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Mr Red
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 09:33 AM

The Far Canal joke was repeated recently - I assume they only did it once & in the Gondoliers.

FWIW I still have the Bold Sir John sketch on my PVR and have burnt a DVD for Steamchicken (a rather excelent ceilidh band).

For a small consideration (I only drink cider - the proper stuff mind) I could take a copy or two to a festival near me. Banbury and Cheltenham are the next up. I am always at Upton & Chippenham.

PM me if you are studying advanced 2 Ronnies at (say) the OU.
David - if you are serious webmail me from cresby.com


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,Moleman
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 04:43 PM

Re the "Gilbert and Sullivan" sketch - does anyone know the words for the missing verse - possibly the last? - of "A Policeman's Lot?"

I'm sure it's along the lines of a Gondolier plying his trade "upon a far canal - fancy that!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 04:31 PM

I have tried playing the tune, but keep slipping into "The Lambton Worm".

Oh well!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 04:29 PM

Some years ago, somebody composed an anthem for church choir, in classical style, with Handel-esque repititions, entitled "Our souls shall dwell with the Lord".

Our souls,
Our souls,
Our souls shall dwell with the Lord .....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 08:59 AM

Anyone got an mp3 of the music behind the bold sir john song??

Thanks in advance.

David


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: banjoman
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 06:50 PM

I think they also did a C&W song with the line "do they play country music in heaven2 which I used to do with a few words of my own added to the chorus. Does anyone know the full original version?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM

The YouTube link given above for the Bold Sir John sketch doesn't work (video got pulled) but it can be seen here


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Bernard Quenby
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:46 AM

And if anyone can help with this I'll be extremely grateful! It's the solo sketch where Ronnie Barker plays an innebriated business man giving an after-dinner type speech. Naturally, the whole speech is gibberish, and the only bit I can remember is where he says something like "... and after all, who am I, and I repeat who am I?" (then looks inside his jacket), "Ah yes, that's it - who am I, a mere Moss Bros..." Really hoping someone can oblige!

Bernard


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 07:53 AM

Anyone remember...

"Oh what a pity the pubs in the City all close at half past ten!
If I had the power they'd shut for an hour then open up again...

OH! I could get chronic on vodka and tonic at any time I like -
I'd wave at the p'liceman standing by my car, then nick his bike!

And we'd all have a damn good time!
(Barker) On peaches and cream!
(Corbett) And vodka and lime!"

Can anyone please please tell me which episode I can find this song in?? I seem to remember they were arguing about whether to go for something to eat or something to drink!

Many many thanks in advance!

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 11:42 AM

It was done in one of the Christmas Specials. I'll check it out and let you know which one.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Chris Bryans
Date: 14 Feb 08 - 12:13 PM

Hi. Can anyone tell me which series/episode of The Two Ronnies included Ronnie B singing Girls I've Met in the guise of Lightweight Louie Danvers?

Many thanks in advance.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 08:50 AM

Oh no!

Made a cockup meself there!

The line should read

'In the gutter where the pavement curvy grips kerb he grips'


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 08:47 AM

Here's some corrections & explanations for
GUEST,Curious Clouseau's post
Date: 08 Feb 06





(Tune: "A Policeman's lot is not a Happy one)

There's a sailor lying drunk and feeling peaky
Feeling peaky!
In the gutter where the pavement curvy gripsKirby Grips
Curvy grips!Kirby Grips!


And he cries my boat the Pinafore is leaky
For is leaky!
What the navy needs is more efficient ships
Fish n chips!
When Lord Nelson lay a dying at Trafalgar
At Trafalgar!
What did the gallant captain Hardy do
Howdy Do!
Oh he kissed his leader sadly on the poop deck
On the poop deck!
There has never been a fond caress so blue!
S so Blue! Esso Blue!



Kirbigrip
kirbigrip
Kirby grip

Kirbies




A type of hairgrip with one straight side and the other bent into ridges to prevent slipping. Also (colloq) called Kirby.

Etymology:

1920s: named after Kirby, one of the original manufacturers, Kirby, Beard & Co. Ltd.



ESSO BLUE:

Domestic paraffin [kerosene] popular in the 1950's for heating mostly, & sometimes for small lamps, & containing a blue dye.

Advertising jingles:

'They asked me how I knew
It was Esso Blue
I of course replied
With lower grades one buys
Smoke gets in your eyes.'

Joe, the tongue-tied Esso Blue paraffin salesman who called himself the 'Esso Blee Dooler'.

Joe was created in 1958 when paraffin was a relatively common household fuel, but its use steadily declined over the years, as did Joe.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 07:54 AM

The extra verse in Bold Sir John seems palusable but I saw the sketch recently and it didn't seem to include it of have an ending that would indicate editing - but repeats are chopped about a bit usually.

& I also heard about the alternative ending for "Fork Handles". Leaving out the Bill Hooks for "Knockers" rather than having both would be a shame but I am sure Ronnie Barker knew a lot more about timing and cadence than I ever will.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Sky Sailor
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 04:21 AM

You can listen to this song on YouTube Here .
It is the third song (about halfway through). There is no video.

Sky Sailor


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Brendan Richards
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 02:27 AM

Here's the corrected lyrics to "Bold Sir John":

Oh, Bold Sir John was young and fair, and Bold Sir John was gay.
He said I'll tread the morning dew to take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day, the bumblebees at play.
The twit! The twit! The twit! The twit! The twittering of the birds all day;
The bum! The bum! The bum! The bum! The bumblebees at play.

So Bold Sir John he went his way observing nature's farce.
Dear Mother Earth, oh tell me pray, why elephants live so long they say;
Your flies live but a day then they, drop dead upon the grass".
Your fly's, your fly's... Your flies! Your flies! Your flies live but a day then they
Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead upon the grass.

Now Bold Sir John he met a maid as on her back she lay.
Please show respect and come not near for I've seen many a maiden here
Get lost among the new mown hay so doff your hat I pray.
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost among the new mown hay.
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! So doff your hat I pray.

When Bold Sir John return'ed home, they gave him gin to try;
"They filled me not with liquor up, nor give me grain nor gBiscuit! to sup,
"Pour cowslips dew into my cup, a Puritan am I".
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A Puritan am I.
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A Puritan am I.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Bainbo
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 09:28 AM

Someone told me that on the back of their LP, Jehosophat & Jones claimed to have worked as sock-tuckers and coke-sackers ... don't know whether he was right or not.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,squishyfishy
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 07:58 AM

I am so glad i found this thread. I've loved the Bold Sir John sketch for years. Used to have it on video but can't find it anywhere. Now I know what it is called I will buy the DVD. thanks


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Scrump
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 10:00 AM

I remember one of their songs was arranged so that one of them sang a verse and the last three sylables were repeated, music hall style, by the other. I can't remember any of them now except the one they changed. "Upon that far canal" had "fancy that" sung after it

I can also remember that. I think it was a parody of a Gilbert & Sullivan song, but I can't remember which. It appeared on an LP of some musical highlights from the TV show, but I was disappointed on hearing it to find that the verse with "far canal" had been edited out of the record. I assume this was for space reasons, as I can't imagine why they would have removed it on taste grounds, since it had been broadcast at peak time on BBC TV in the 1970s.

I probably have a tape of the incomplete version from the LP, somewhere, if I can find it.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Murray MacLeod
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 01:53 PM

The classic Four candles sketch can be seen here in its entirety, along with Ronnie Barker's comments on the ending.

Unfortunately, nobody appears to have uploaded the Bold Sir John sketch yet, but it can only be a matter of time.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: DMcG
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 11:22 AM

Sweeney Todd, I'm sure, and by Sondheim, not the two Ronnies (who would be flattered, I expect!)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Goldcrest 307955
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 10:57 AM

Does anyone have the words to 'the terrible tale of teeny todd'?
all i can remember is the very begining:
I'll tell you a tale of teeny todd
hoorah, hoorah
a terible tale of teeny todd
hoorah, hoorah.....

thats all i can remember of it, tune included!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Daddo
Date: 18 May 06 - 06:15 AM

On the more recent compilation show they did of old sketches, Ronnie B said that he was never fully happy with the ending of "Four Candles". He said that in later years he thought of a better ending. The last bit, "bill hooks", was replaced with Ronnie B asking for "knockers", Ronnie C loses his rag and calls for his assistant - a buxom blonde appears>


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Nigel the Morris man
Date: 14 May 06 - 05:54 AM

We sing them and perform the Morris (in Australia no less)
Just watched the video to check ...

The words are:
BOLD SIR JOHN

OH Bold Sir John was young and fair,
And Bold Sir John was gay;
He said I'll tread the morning dew
To take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day,
The bumblebees at play.
The Twit! The Twit! The Twit! The twit!
The twittering of the birds all day;
The Bum! The Bum! The Bum! The Bum!
The bumblebees at play.

So Bold Sir John he went his way,
Observing nature's farce
Dear Mother Earth, Oh tell me Pray,
Why elephants live so long, they say;
Your flies live but a day then they,
Drop dead upon the grass".
Your Flies! Your Flies! Your Flies! Your Flies!
Your flies live but a day then they;
Drop Dead! Drop Dead! Drop Dead! Drop Dead!
Drop dead upon the grass.

Now Bold Sir John he met a maid,
As on her back she lay
Please show respect and come not near
For I've seen many a maiden here;
Get lost among the new mown hay,
So doff your hat I pray".
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost!
Get lost among the new mown hay.
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off!
So doff your hat I pray.

When Bold Sir John return'ed home,
They gave him gin to try;
"Nay fill me not with liquor up,
Nor give me grape nor grain to sup;
Pour cowslips dew into my cup,
A Puritan am I".
Poor Cow! Poor Cow! Poor Cow! Poor Cow!
Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up You! Up You! Up You! Up You!
A Puritan am I.


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Subject: Lyr Add: GILBERT AND SULLIVAN (The Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 01:04 PM

Here is the full transcript for the Two Ronnies "Gilbert and Sullivan" parodies. Just some trivia regarding this. There was an abbreviated version of this performed on the shows second series that omitted some of the best verses within the melody. A version was released on LP that contained everything bar the last verse. The last verse was included in a Christmas special they done in which the whole show was set in Edwardian times. Anyway, here is the full melody that includes all the verses…

(Tune: "Here's a How-de-do")

Hello how'd you do
We are bringing you
Songs by Sullivan and Gilbert
Hope they're going to fill the bill, but
Let us not waste time
Let us start the rhyme

(Tune: Yum Yum")

We, won't
Sing anything that is glum (Yum yum)
For this is the season
That gives us a reason
For drinking and filling our tum (Yum yum)
I must say it's alright for some
I eat what I like and don't put on a pound
I like what I eat; that is why I'm so round
Just keep off the starches
I've got fallen arches,
With carrying this lot around

(Tune: "The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra la")

The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la,
Are blooming all over the place
The girls in the chorus that sing, tra la,
Each one is a beautiful thing, tra la,
A flower of feminine grace,
(A flower of feminine grace)
There's Lily and Iris, and Daisy, and Rose
There's also sweet William, but he's one of those,
But our favourite flower
She blooms by the hour
At twenty-six Bloomsbury Place

(Spoken: The next song is dedicated to my dear wife)

(Tune: "Take a pair of sparkling eyes")

Take a pair of bloodshot eyes
And a nose that's round and red
And a set of loose false teeth
Picture two gigantic thighs
And a pair of knobbly knees
With enormous boots beneath

Some men have pretty women
To go ridin' with, or swimmin'
Or parading round the park
Not for me those smiles and dimples
It's just bandy legs and pimples
So, if I fancy a saunter, I go after dark

Take a pair of rubber lips
And a pair of bumpy hips
And a voice just like a knife
Like a knife,
A complexion green as grass, it's a farce,
Yet alas!
That's what I see every day
In my looking glass!

(Tune: "Three little maids")

Three little maids one night I met
Each one a perfect little pet
Popped to the pub for something wet
Three little maids came too

Three lemonades I ordered first
That didn't satisfy their thirst
Then I realised the worst
Three lemonades won't do

They said "Let us try champagne"
Then they tried it once again
"Now we'll try the beer" they said
"Then we must be off to bed"

Well…
Fourteen pints and six gins later
Went upstairs for a baked potato
I woke up with the hotel waiter –
The three little chicks had strayed
Three little maids – unmade!

(Tune: "Tit-Willow")

A shy samurai went to London to buy
Two blankets, two sheets, and a pillow
And he married a maiden who first caught his eye
At that firm run by Waring and Gillow
There was never a subject they quarrelled about
Of their love for each other there wasn't a doubt
Till she wore a low neckline, 'twas then they fell out
They willow, they willow, they willow

(Tune: "A Policeman's lot is not a Happy one)

There's a sailor lying drunk and feeling peaky
Feeling peaky!
In the gutter where the pavement kerb he grips
Kirby grips!
And he cries my boat the Pinafore is leaky
Fore is leaky!
What the navy needs is more efficient ships
Fish 'n' chips!
When Lord Nelson lay a-dying at Trafalgar
At Trafalgar!
What did the gallant captain Hardy do?
Howdy Do!
Oh he kissed his leader sadly on the poop deck
On the poop deck!
There has never been a fond caress so blue!
Esso Blue!

(Tune: "He is an Englishman")

But now pray let us sing
Of that patriotic thing
That we call and Englishman
A true blue Englishman
Though beset by Income Taxes
They clutch their Union Jackses
And they wave them when they can
From the Khyber to the Congo
You will find a Pete or Pongo
That Intrepid Englishman
That ill-fated
Celebrated
Under-rated
Dear Old Englishman

(Tune: "Buttercup")

Dear little buttercup
Sweet little buttercup
Nonsense of course you're not fat
But dear little buttercup
Life you left buttock up
You've squashed my opera hat flat

(Tune: "When I was a lad")

When I was a lad of seventeen
I took my girls upon the village green
When I was a lad of twenty-one
I took 'em in the hayloft which was much more fun

Chorus:
He took 'em in the hayloft which was much more fun

But now I'm middle-aged you know
I take 'em anywhere they want to go
And when I'm old, why you can bet
I'll have to take what I can get

(Tune: "The Sunny Spanish Shore")

Now it's Christmas once again
Peace on earth goodwill to me
And of course the ladies too
They're the ones that see us through
When the relatives all come
Aunts and Uncles, Dad and Mum
And the air begins to hum

Very merry Christmas and the same to you
What a very pretty bonnet, why it looks brand new
Are you comfortable? Very
Will you take a glass of sherry?
It's so nice to see you merry,
Oh, sit down please do
(It's so nice to see you merry,
Oh, sit down please do)

When a trumpet blasts you ear
You awake at 5 o'clock
Then the children will appear
With an orange in a sock
And you wish that you were dead
And they thump you on the head
Till they get you out of bed
And it's

Look what Father Christmas brought along for me
Can I have another sweetie from the Christmas tree
And you try to mend a dolly
While pretending to be jolly
Then you sit upon some holly
And you spill your tea
(You sit upon some holly and its agony)

Quite apart from noise and fuss
What does Christmas mean to us?
It's a thing that we can share
It's a family affair
When we're once more far away
We will think about today
And then perhaps we'll say
Oh they

Really did it nicely as it should be done
There was such a lot of presents, and we all got one
Such pretty snowy weather
It was nice to be together
Such a very merry Christmas, oh we did have fun!
(Such a very merry Christmas, oh we did have fun!)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: mooman
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:59 AM

That's exactly the one Snuffy.

Peace

moo


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM

That sounds like a parody of G&S's A Policeman's Lot Is Not A Happy One


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 06:32 AM

Hi,

Does anyone know the exact name of the original tune from Gilbert and Sullivan
that is parodied as "What the Navy needs is more efficient ships...
Fish and chips!".
I have the full transcript for this musical melody typed but this is the only part of it that I don't know the name of the tune.
You help would be appreciated and I can then post up the full transcript.


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Subject: Lyr Add: GIRLS I'VE MET
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 25 Jan 06 - 08:28 AM

No it's a song called "Girls I've Met" which he sang on the show.
He performed it as a character called Lightweight Louie Danvers.

Lyrics:

I knew a girl called Jeannie Jones
She was nothing but skin and bones
I knew a girl called Janie Scott
She had bumps where Jean had not
I knew a girl called Susie Strong
Her feet were large and her legs were long
Her feet were so large it is said
She had to take her pants off over her head

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I met
Ice is cold and waters wet
Up is up and feathers is down
That's what makes the world go round

I knew a girl called Droopy Drawers
Her ears stuck out like taxi doors
Tall as a pole and thin as a candle
Hard to please but easy to handle
Took her out in the wind and rain
She blew round like a weather vane
By the fire, warm and snug
Melted her upon the rug

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I've known
Oats I've scattered, seeds I've sown
Up is in and down is out
(You all know what I'm talking about)

I knew a girl called Jennifer Goafer
She had hips like a well stuffed sofa
If she sat on you she'd squash you flat
(Boy! I sure kept out of THAT)
She was buxom, big and round
Gave good value, pound for pound
Like a mountaineer, upon a climb
I conquered her a bit at a time

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I've seen
Faces I've known and places I've been
Tales I've told and songs I've sang
That's what makes the world go bang

I knew a girl called Big-time Bella
'Til I found out she was a fellah
We parted friends and everything
But he never sent back that engagement ring
I knew a girl called Topsy Turvey
She was cute and she was curvy
She was sweet and she was sunny
Now I'm paying her alimony

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I've known
Birds have nested, and have flown
Black or white or pink or brown
That's what makes the world go round!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: David C. Carter
Date: 24 Jan 06 - 07:25 PM

"Austin Schmaustin"....... One of Corbett's great inventions.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Peter Green
Date: 24 Jan 06 - 06:46 PM

Hi all,
I'm trying to find the title/lyrics/recording of this:

"I knew a girl called droopy drawers,
Her ears stuck out like taxi doors,
Tall as a pole & thin as a candle,
Hard to please but easy to handle"

Seem to remember it was Ronnie Barker on his own, dressed up like a C&W singer. Is it on the Jehosophat and Jones LP?

cheers
Pete


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Ben
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 04:16 AM

Im after the lyrics for the song that goes - "the navy needs more efficient ships....fish and chips!" Can anyone help? many thanks...Ben


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Lady Nancy
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:58 PM

I've just stumbled across this and it is a scream! But the link to the tune for bold sir John does not work for me... Can someone please either post the URL or re-do the clicky? Many thanks... LN


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