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Help: Caring what others think

GUEST,Justin Fong 05 Feb 00 - 01:48 AM
Liz the Squeak 05 Feb 00 - 02:50 AM
Clinton Hammond2 05 Feb 00 - 03:10 AM
Dave (the ancient mariner) 05 Feb 00 - 08:19 AM
Midchuck 05 Feb 00 - 09:28 AM
Clinton Hammond2 05 Feb 00 - 09:53 AM
Amos 05 Feb 00 - 10:10 AM
sophocleese 05 Feb 00 - 10:20 AM
GUEST,Bryant 05 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM
GUEST, Bryant 05 Feb 00 - 10:56 AM
wysiwyg 05 Feb 00 - 01:20 PM
MK 05 Feb 00 - 01:26 PM
Metchosin 05 Feb 00 - 02:09 PM
DonMeixner 05 Feb 00 - 02:24 PM
Mbo 05 Feb 00 - 02:35 PM
JamesJim 05 Feb 00 - 02:54 PM
Judy Predmore 06 Feb 00 - 02:01 AM
Rick Fielding 06 Feb 00 - 08:10 PM
Clinton Hammond2 06 Feb 00 - 08:20 PM
Amos 06 Feb 00 - 08:32 PM
Mbo 06 Feb 00 - 09:14 PM
Amos 06 Feb 00 - 09:20 PM
Mbo 06 Feb 00 - 09:24 PM
GUEST,_gargoyle 06 Feb 00 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,_gargoyle 06 Feb 00 - 09:40 PM
GUEST,_gargoyle 06 Feb 00 - 09:55 PM
Little Neophyte 06 Feb 00 - 10:05 PM
GUEST,_gargoyle's protege_ 06 Feb 00 - 10:44 PM
Callie 07 Feb 00 - 12:10 AM
The Shambles 07 Feb 00 - 06:39 AM
Little Neophyte 07 Feb 00 - 08:48 AM
Rick Fielding 07 Feb 00 - 09:10 AM
Terry Allan Hall 07 Feb 00 - 09:23 AM
Amos 07 Feb 00 - 09:26 AM
The Shambles 08 Feb 00 - 05:43 AM
The Shambles 08 Feb 00 - 05:52 AM
wysiwyg 08 Feb 00 - 09:21 AM
Amos 08 Feb 00 - 09:29 AM
annamill 08 Feb 00 - 09:43 AM
The Shambles 08 Feb 00 - 10:24 AM
Amos 08 Feb 00 - 10:44 AM
GUEST,Mbo 08 Feb 00 - 10:47 AM
Little Neophyte 08 Feb 00 - 12:22 PM
wysiwyg 08 Feb 00 - 12:40 PM
GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayer.....) 08 Feb 00 - 07:19 PM
Amos 08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM
Amos 08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM
GUEST,Justin Fong 08 Feb 00 - 09:57 PM
Mbo 08 Feb 00 - 10:00 PM
Rick Fielding 08 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM
wysiwyg 09 Feb 00 - 09:25 AM
Amos 09 Feb 00 - 09:41 AM
GUEST,kat 09 Feb 00 - 10:50 AM
Rick Fielding 09 Feb 00 - 11:24 AM
catspaw49 09 Feb 00 - 11:41 AM
Amos 09 Feb 00 - 11:47 AM
catspaw49 09 Feb 00 - 11:59 AM
katlaughing 09 Feb 00 - 01:01 PM
wysiwyg 09 Feb 00 - 05:52 PM
The Shambles 10 Feb 00 - 06:17 AM
Amos 10 Feb 00 - 09:22 AM
katlaughing 10 Feb 00 - 09:27 AM
Amos 10 Feb 00 - 09:40 AM
katlaughing 10 Feb 00 - 09:45 AM
GUEST,Mbo 10 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM
Amos 10 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM
GeorgeH 10 Feb 00 - 10:57 AM
Crowhugger 13 Feb 00 - 12:44 AM
wysiwyg 13 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM
Crowhugger 13 Feb 00 - 10:58 AM
Curlie Cornflake 13 Feb 00 - 05:09 PM
Curlie Cornflake 13 Feb 00 - 05:55 PM
Mbo 13 Feb 00 - 06:49 PM
wysiwyg 14 Feb 00 - 01:12 AM
Brendy 14 Feb 00 - 01:26 AM
wysiwyg 14 Feb 00 - 01:33 AM
The Shambles 14 Feb 00 - 07:07 AM
GUEST,Seamus Kennedy 15 Feb 00 - 03:42 AM
wysiwyg 15 Feb 00 - 03:47 AM
Crowhugger 15 Feb 00 - 03:56 AM
Brendy 17 Feb 00 - 09:31 PM
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Subject: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Justin Fong
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 01:48 AM

Should a person care what others think of them? Why or why not? Justin


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 02:50 AM

If you care what people think of you,
It affects whatever you say or do.
If you do not give a toss,
Then that my freind, will be your loss.

Trite, badly scanned, but true......

LTS


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 03:10 AM

Also trite, but true... "I'm a rambler, I'm a gambler, I'm a long way from home And if ya don't like me, then let me alone..."

Just my 0.02

;-)


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 08:19 AM

Justin, Good people and service should be recognised and rewarded, that ensures continuation and emulation. Very often it is ignored, and forgotten quickly. Sometimes it is seen and ignored by jealous people, who cannot stand the thought that someone else did better than they. As long as you are a benefit to the human race, and not a burden to it, then what you think of yourself is more important than what others think. Had I paid heed to others, I would not have accomplished half of the things I have done; and would not aspire to be a better person. Ultimately, you will be the judge of the value of other opinions. Some you will find beneficial, many you will not. Yours, Aye. Dave


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Midchuck
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 09:28 AM

IMO, the question is stated too broadly to permit a simple answer.

I care a great deal what the few people I respect highly think.

I care somewhat less what the people I respect, but less highly, think.

I don't give a **** what the people I don't respect think, unless it impacts my income or they think so little of me that it puts me in physical danger.

Peter.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 09:53 AM

Well put Midchuck!! Let's hear it for the pocketbook! LOL!

A nice breakdown...


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 10:10 AM

I believe what you think of yourself, and then what you think of your own
products (of any kind--thought, speech, song, effort, writing, making, whatever)
is far more important to your life.

I believe it is healthy to respect the opinions and the voices of other humans.

So I care what others think, but I don't give much of a hoot if they think unkindly about me personally.

I think the craven fear of others' opinion is a deep copout indeed, when it is allowed to run your life. Guess that's why I'm not working in Hollywood or the District of Columbia.

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: sophocleese
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 10:20 AM

Well I waver and change on this one depending on mood and circumstance. I want other people to think well of me, but I'm also unwilling to make drastic changes to achieve that approval. So I can't say I don't care what others think of me, just that in most cases I don't care enough to change myself.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Bryant
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM

"You won't worry so much about what other people think of you when you realize how little they do."

--David Foster Wallace


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST, Bryant
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 10:56 AM

That should be:

"You won't worry so much about what other people think of you when you realize how infrequently they do."

Forgive me Mr. Wallace


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 01:20 PM

Well, of course, you have asked us what we think, so you are starting out already caring what people think. My opinion would be that you probablky care more than you need to, go ahead and live your life and sort out big questions like this one based on how it works for you! Your life will give you more accurate feedback than we can!

Speaking personally-- that is what you asked us to do-- ultimately I care what God thinks, and that helps guide whose opinions I feel obligated to honor. That works for me, and my life is quite different as a result, much more fun than I had anticipated!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: MK
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 01:26 PM

If you want other people to like you, then you should care. If you don't, then it doesn't matter.

I don't know about changing oneself, in order to gain the acceptance of others. It's a philosophy I personally don't subscribe to. Mine is basically, accept me the way I am or f**k *ff. 8^)

I am also amused that women (and I'm really generalizing here so cut me so slack) are intially attracted and marry men for the way they are. Then they spend the rest of the marriage trying to change them and mold them into something more ideal. Takes years of training, and an infinate amount of patience on the part of the woman. 8-)


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 02:09 PM

Michael K. since you don't care what people think of you, I'll cut you a lot of slack and not respond to that generalization. *BG*


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: DonMeixner
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 02:24 PM

When I was younger i didn't care particularly. I just treated people well and expected the same in return. I tried to be fair and honest in my dealings and I tried to do good work because I had pride in my self and my work.

Then, when i got older, I learned that i had a reputation for being all the above which boosted the pride in self and the desire to do well by others. I had earned the reputation and now I know that it matters what what others think because it effects how I think and how I do.

Simple I suppose, but factual.

Don


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 02:35 PM

My sister & I are fond of a quote by the author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "Do your best and hang the rest!"

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: JamesJim
Date: 05 Feb 00 - 02:54 PM

There's a lot of wisdom in fold music. Thinking of this Irish diddy: THE JUG OF PUNCH, by Francis McPeake

LAST VERSE: If I drink too much, well my money's my own, And them as don't like me can leave me alone. But I'll tune my fiddle and I'll rosin my bow, And I'll be welcome wherever I go..... Too ra loo, etc.

Forget the few and relish the many. Jim


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Judy Predmore
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 02:01 AM

Relating this more specifically to music... When I tell people I've found a perfect song that certain people will like, or will be perfect for certain occasions, I get immediate advice to choose songs for my own reasons, & not for other people. But there are so many incredible songs out there, I can't learn to sing them all...

So I start my selection by noticing songs that really move me, that I'd like to learn for myself. Then I think where I'd like to sing them. If I can't think of anywhere or anyone I'd like to share the song with, then I'll just learn the melody & some of the words, & that's enough to keep me happy. If I think of a few situations or people who will really like the song, I'll learn it, but if it's long, I'll keep the lyrics with me for the few occasions I might sing it. If I think alot of people I share music with will like it, I learn it really well, & sing it often.

I've gotten more & more feedback over the years, that people really like the songs I choose to sing. I think it's partly because I've been learning what it is about songs that move people. And it's also because I've listened to alot of songs, & I seek out songs that other people aren't familiar with. And I have to remind myself to try songs that I'm not sure people will like, & see what happens. Sometimes they fall flat, & sometimes I'm totally surprised that people like a song that I thought would be considered too sentimental or pop-music-ish, or whatever.

I used to be thrilled when someone told me what a nice voice I had. Now what really thrills me is when people tell me what a wonderful song that was & where did I find it. I love to bring wonderful songs to people's attention. That makes both me & them happy - a win / win situation.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 08:10 PM

"The desire to entertain devoid of sycophancy is a quality every stylist should aspire to."

Quentin Crisp

Still the wisest funny man I ever read (and finally met)

Rick


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 08:20 PM

Mbo...

I was just watching the movie 'The Rock' while I was reading yer post... and there's a quote from Sean Connery that came up just as I was reading...

Ya gotta picture it in his voice for the full effect...

"Your best? Losers are always whining about thier best. Winners go home and f^ck the prom queen."

Mmmmm... synchronicity eh! LOL!!!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 08:32 PM

No! No! Don't go out that door Mbo!!! She's ...uh...she's NOT HOME! That's it!! Just settle down and try to continue the conversation, okay?? She's not home, man!

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 09:14 PM

Oh, she's probably home alright, but just very busy with school work. It's midterm time, or so I've heard. And so the wait continues...

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 09:20 PM

The real winners get the prom queen to come to their door.

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 09:24 PM

If only it could be that way!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,_gargoyle
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 09:36 PM

The "kingdom of despots" is built on social/personal insecurities like the first two posts.

Give me ten
Who are insecure men
Who will wonder their rights
Question GOD give rights

Give me ten
Who are insecure men
And I'll soon give you.....

... . . . . . . . . . . ........................Adoph's Germany...................

Halleluah! the "filters" are off.....and I am back "ON"


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,_gargoyle
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 09:40 PM

I doubt that many songs have been written about.

SPINLESS

I KNOW that the preceeding centuries were built by men/women of character!!!!

If elements of this thread represent the thinking of "the new mellenium" the human race is in serious trouble.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,_gargoyle
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 09:55 PM

Mr. Fong
Ms. Squeak
LaughCat

What the SHIT do you care....

ANY musician....ANY performer has....

a little "stage-fright"
.....any soon to be wed husband has "stag-flight..........and several before the matrimonial bed have "stag-fright"

Anxiety is a postive force....it helps produce exceptional performance.....

But to perform "FOR the audience" is WRONG.....you are a WHORE....

However, if you do NOT give your best, of your Best, of your BEST in a performance, (and are satisfied to settle for it) .....

..............You are less than a whore...you are a "pan-handler" offering little less than a "thank you" to a benevolent audience.

Set YOUR standards beyound YOUR reach....and then you NEVER have to WORRY about "acceptance" because you are performing at YOUR potential.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 10:05 PM

On Maintaining Your Beliefs
If someone says to you, "I think your behavior is shameful.  You say, "well, thank you, I appreciate you sharing your opinion."
  Then if they say, "I think that what you believe is stupid and you are wrong and who do you think you are and you are selfish and you are certainly not going to get my approval"
You say, "Thank you for your opinion, it helps me concentrate.  I particularly like the way that cockroach walked around your coffee mug while you were talking about MY LIFE.  And what threw me into a state of absolute ecstasy was when the cockroach stopped, looked up at me, winked, and then urinated in your coffee.
I love it.  I totally love it."

The Secrets of Life, Stuart Wilde


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,_gargoyle's protege_
Date: 06 Feb 00 - 10:44 PM

(gargoyle's words)

Anxiety is a postive force....it helps produce exceptional performance.....

But to perform "FOR the audience" is WRONG.....you are a WHORE....

However, if you do NOT give your best, of your Best, of your BEST in a performance, (and are satisfied to settle for it) .....

..............You are less than a whore...you are a "pan-handler" offering little less than a "thank you" to a benevolent audience.

Set YOUR standards beyound YOUR reach....and then you NEVER have to WORRY about "acceptance" because you are performing at YOUR potential.

(end of quote)

Spot on Brother!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Callie
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 12:10 AM

gargoyle et al: did you know that you need only use three stops (.) to designate a pause? ...


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 06:39 AM

Good question and good answers and Don's comments in particular were spot on.

Being noticed, receiving approval and praise from others is welcome. Not being noticed, being disapproved of and receiving (any) criticism, even if perfectly valid, is not welcome. Whether it "matters" or not, I don't know but I have found that it is just the way things are.

I would suggest even the ones above who express the 'I don't care, take me as I am' point of view, may have just a little look at this thread to see how their comments were received?

I range from wanting the whole world to love me, praise and agree with everything I do, to sulking in a corner and mumbling "it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks".

Being universally loved is not going to happen and too much conscious effort to achieve that end is probably not a healthy thing. Pretending that it does not matter and more importantly, acting accordingly, is also not very healthy. The anonymous nature of posting online unfortunately tends to encourage the latter view and to an extreme level, in some cases.

Whatever some of the worst of those may think of you? Does not and should not matter to you, in the slightest.

Although we may receive some level of approval, the only approval that appears to matter to us is, receiving it from the ones who are unlikely, unwilling, or unable to give it.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 08:48 AM

To Shambles and anyone else who is interesting,
When I was younger I only cared about what others thought of me. I had such low self-esteem that it took me until my late teens to realize I had an opinion.
All my romantic relationships were built on "Oh, you actually like me? What can I do to make you happy? I will try to be what I think you want so you will love me and never leave me?"
Eventually these relationships would fail because they were built on a pathetic base.
I had lots of girl friends. I thought of myself as a friend farmer. I could plant the seeds of friendship and make anything grow. I was so giving, pleasing and accommodating, who wouldn't want to be my friend.
I marched in ten weddings as a bridesmaid. A particularly popular wedding photographer use to joke with me "Bonnie you should start a bridesmaid rental service".
Then one day after many years of dealing with all my personal crap, I decided I am really tired of caring what others think of me just so I could receive their love and approval. I decided I was just going to be myself, and whoever stuck around was just fine by me.
This attitude has restored a great deal of my energy allowing my creativity to flow which I now put towards more constructive endeavors. I also enjoy life more and I am a much happier person these days.
I feel more authentic, vibrant and alive.

Bonnie


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 09:10 AM

I'm still trying to think of any songs about "SPINLESS"!

Look, I can deal with (what choice do I have) rambling incoherent rantings, but the spelling around here has become nothing short of a joke in itself. Shape up, flame-mongers!

Rick


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 09:23 AM

The Chinese teach us that there are 3 of every man...the man the world sees, the man he, himself, sees, and the man he truly is.

Worth thinking about.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 09:26 AM

Ah, Rick, sir:

It is a wonderful thing to take up arms against stupidity, ignorance, illiteracy and hog-headed egoism. But it's a brave thing to tilt at a windmill, too, and the windmill doesn't usually notice!

Fondly,

A.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 05:43 AM

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=17925&messages=4


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 05:52 AM

Sorry about the above.

I like praise but I get emmbarrassed and find it difficult to deal with.

I don't like criticism but I can respond to it and deal with it better.

What I really don't like and hurts me most (like others) is not to be noticed and to be ignored.

Are you listening?....SOMEBODY?....anybody....?


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:21 AM

Sometimes it is good to look past that and notice the profound effect we are having on the world even when we may not feel like anyone knows we're here or not. Have you ever noticed how much the behind-the-scenes people actually accomplish? I think we humans affect our world much more than we suspect. I also find I care less and less what people think, moment to moment, as I come to uderstand what my identity in Christ is. I care much more now whether I make a contribution to the world than I once did, and less that I ever get any recognition for it. I find that I am much more connected to what I know inside and what I feel, and being ignored or invalidated just doesn't seem to hit that old hurt spot anymore.

A wonderful sermon a friend of ours preached recently comes to mind., He was talking about the way love is expressed now in our culture, and the expectations people have in their marriages and actually most types of relationships. People staret thinking the other person will make them happy. Then they achieve a state where they think they can make each other happy, selflessly. They often settle for that. But the true intimacy, he described, comes when those two people stop gazing into each others' eyes, join hands, and turn outward together to face the world and devote their energies to those passions they share. He said, why see the sunset in your lover's eyes when you can sit side by side seeing it together and know the intimacy of feeling that your lover sees it the same way you do?

I think of that often now and it has really helped me focus away from the too-human MeMeMe/TheyTheyThey stuff and instead see what needs doing around me.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:29 AM

I have a half-writ song on this topic, called "Bring Down the Walls". Don't tell Aine, as she'll just make me finish it. :>). It reflects on the phenomenon of getting past endless comparisons among selves, breaking down walls and opening up to direct experience, which is much easier when one is not wrestling with introversion or various forms of "identity combat". But it doesn't talk like that. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: annamill
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:43 AM

I care about what people think when I do something I feel is a good thing.

I don't give a damn about what people think when I've done something I feel is a not-so-good thing.

I know the difference...most of the time. ;-)

Love, annap


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:24 AM

Young Love Old Love

Young love, a desperate duet to be sung
Those eyes, burn like fire, shine like the sun
The beam shines only on what it desires
Leaving dark the forgotten ones

Old love, forgets the words but not the tune
Light travelled to and reflected from the moon
The warm glow falls everywhere
On all who need to be loved

Roger Gall 1997.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:44 AM

Another beauty, Roger! Got to be in the book!

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:47 AM

**SIGH**

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 12:22 PM

Shambles, that was beautiful.

Praise, I enjoy reading your posting. You have much wisdom to offer us.

Mbo, just a reminder when sighing, breath in deeply on the inhale before expending your lungs on the exhale.

BB


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 12:40 PM

Just sharing what I've already been given, grateful to get more here, grateful to have something to contribute.

You are all helping me raise Red Cross disaster money because I have to be online on and off during all waking hours and even media sluts need an occasional moment in the clouds before going back to word-mongering. Here we can wordsmith and wordsling

Ugghhh....ya got me........

Blam! Blam!

Bam! ??? How did Emeril get in here????

Ya always gotta watch for the ones on the roof.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayer.....)
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:19 PM

I have to look at my intentions and the source of my caring or lack thereof. I have spent a hell of a lot of time trying to be the Rich others wanted me to be and it never works! I grew up not thinking very highly of myself, so I based too much of my own self worth on the value that other's assigned to me. In end I lost either way, because if you did like me it wasn't based on the real me(whomever that was), it was based on the mask I was wearing, and if you didn't well then I hadn't even played the role right! I can't say that I'm entirely free of that kind of thinking today, but I'm doing a lot better. If I say or do something that I truly believe to be right, then I'm only responsible for my feelings about it. If I do or say something for effect, then chances are I won't be happy with it any way. This does not mean I can carelessly tramp on the feelings of others, but if I keep my side of the street clean, then I am not responsible for others reactions. It is natural to want others to like oneself, but to let others dictate your life is only leads to dissapointment in the end. (Gee, I hope everybody likes what I posted about not caring what people think of me) Rich


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM

I don't care what other people think about you either, if that's any help. .

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM

I don't care what other people think about you either, if that's any help. .

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Justin Fong
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:57 PM

There has been a lot of discourse

But, no one has answered my question

I am hurt.

Please

heal me, touch me, feel me.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:00 PM

YES! TOMMY RULES!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM

Oh all right Justin. No we don't care what others think of you. Say goodnight Gracie.

Rick


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 09:25 AM

Rick, just for you...

Goodnight Gracie.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 09:41 AM

The answer is int he thread -- read it carefully twice.

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,kat
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 10:50 AM

Whats the name of that new blues singer susan something


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:24 AM

No Kat, I believe it's "Suddenly Susan" and it's on NBC.

Rick (who doesn't care what Brooke Shields thinks about anything)


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:41 AM

To be Just about it all, I personally think you need a better grip. Of course, that's here and not in Fong where the rules for being Just may be different. And where the hell is Fong anyway?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:47 AM

No, spaw, it's as in the famous torch song...just in fong, you came and found me...I think Bill Clinton used to sing it.

No offense meant.

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:59 AM

Maybe its the Fong of O.J. infamy........

Why do you want to know, MISTER Fong?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 01:01 PM

Rick, t'weren't me, never a GUEST shall I be.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 05:52 PM

In OJ it was FUNG.

Here is Justion's definitive answer, since you are all being so cute (cute as lil ole buttons...!)

1. Maybe. 2. Because.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 06:17 AM

If the only way our sad friends can now get on to the forum is by them asking sensible questions, maybe we should just stick to answering the sensible question?

Maybe we find it difficult to recognise victory?


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:22 AM

The sensible answer:

yes, and no, depending on circumstance and definition.
Being needy for admiration is the greatest character flaw ever; it short-circuits careers, undermines courage, compromises awareness and wreaks havoc with conscience.

Caring about other people, taking reasonable care to be an "acceptable" presence among them in order to stay in communication, doing necessary fence-mending and public relations work, is just part of getting along with other members of one's own species.

But those are very different from yearning for attention, being addicted to admiration, or going through life seeking approval because one forgot to bring one's own.

Excerpt from "Psychobabble 101: Truisms from Southern California" by Doc Hizzdik and Makim Crie, Gyamie-Love Publications, Los Angeles, 1967.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:27 AM

Doesn't matter what kind of bait a troll uses, it is still just bait.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:40 AM

It's deep, and it has a hook in it. I like it, kAT> :>)


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:45 AM

So...where's the song, Amos?>:-)


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM

I tried not to care what others thought just recently, and speak what was on my mind--and it appears to have destroyed everything. ALWAYS give a regard for what others may think--you may end up unintentionally hurting someone. It works when you're driving, and it works in life.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM

Ah, Mbo -- the pennies drop like rain. The doctrine of "truth at all costs" gives way to "try to cause effects that others are able to experience relatively easily".
Lo! Wisdom is abloom on the land! I applaud you. .
We'll make a pr flak of you yet!

Kat,

My creative..um...juices got used up this morning writing a toast to the Songbook Goddess, but I think a song about trolling on the banks of the Mudcat is definitely in order -- you get a line, I'll get a hook, honey!

(banjo riff, fade)

A


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GeorgeH
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 10:57 AM

I think I've resisted this thread so far; it seems a good illustration of the best and worst of Mudcat, and confirmed my impression of one or two catters . .

Actually, I think those who say they don't give a [whatever} what ANYONE else thinks about them are, plain and simple, liars.

On the othe hand, I don't give a [whatever] what any of those-I've-just-branded-as-liars think about me.

G.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Crowhugger
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 12:44 AM

Justin,

I have a dear friend who has chosen to delve into music for his career. If he had acted upon any counsel but his own, he'd be an accountant. Which for him would not earn a living but a "dying" because he hates accounting. As it is, he spends all day every day relishing every morsel that his life has to offer.

Like the song says, "You gotta go where your heart says go..." I don't know if the song also says that'll be the second-most difficult thing you ever do. For me, anyhow, the most difficult thing is directing my life without enough consideration of my own goals. Sometimes it means juggling priorities for a time. Just keep sight of who you are.

The way these $0.02 are piling up you'll be rich!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM

Mbo,

So, did you clear up the damage? If not to retrieve what was lost, which is another topic, to regain your sense of being right with your values?

It's usually worth it...


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Crowhugger
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:58 AM

Justin, if you're still around, what's happening to bring the questions to your mind?


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Curlie Cornflake
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 05:09 PM

Amos said it for me!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Curlie Cornflake
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 05:55 PM

New Page 1

 

Should a person care what others think of them?

In short – and I mean, in short, I think the answer has to be yes.

If we believe that ‘no one is an island’ then we must accept that we are a ‘communal animal’ and as such have a duty of care, one to another. If this is true, and we care about others, we must be aware of others; considering their values, thoughts and feelings.

We all need to find value in ourselves. To do this we ‘test’ ourselves, our values, thoughts and opinions, on others. If they agree we feel our opinions are validated and if they disagree we enter that uncomfortable state of ‘negotiation’ where we attempt to persuade the other that they are wrong or ultimately concede that we are.   Less often we 'agree to differ' but if we truly choose not to care that our opinion/value/judgement is different from another, we choose isolation. This is to find little or no value in the opinion of the other and I believe is only a reasonable option in the short term. If this becomes the only option I believe we become dangerously isolated.

Liz the Squeek was right to say;

If you care what people think of you,
It affects whatever you say or do.
If you do not give a toss,
Then that my friend, will be your loss.

I also think that Midchuck (Peter) had a point when he said, "the question is stated too broadly to permit a simple answer.
I care a great deal what the few people I respect highly think.
I care somewhat less what the people I respect, but less highly, think.
I don't give a **** what the people I don't respect think, unless it impacts my income or they think so little of me that it puts me in physical danger. "

I also found a lot of value in Amos’ thoughts on the subject "I believe what you think of yourself, and then what you think of your own products (of any kind--thought, speech, song, effort, writing, making, whatever) is far more important to your life. I believe it is healthy to respect the opinions and the voices of other humans. So I care what others think, but I don't give much of a hoot if they think unkindly about me personally. I think the craven fear of others' opinion is a deep copout indeed, when it is allowed to run your life"

I think Rudyard Kipling had the answer, reflected in his poem 'If' when he wrote, "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you" and later, "If all men count with you, but none too much,"

Ultimately I believe we should not allow others to rule our lives, nor ignore their thoughts but care what other think and accept this knowledge as yet another factor upon which we make our own choices.

Interesting - if unexpected question!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 06:49 PM

Praise, the damage appears to be permanent. It's going to be a long while before I change the values. I had never hurt anyone or anything in my life, but this first time I hurt the one person I won't have done anything to protect. Tough lessons you have to learn.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 01:12 AM

When this thread first started I thought, well, that's a no-brainer! Of course it isn't. And I have found myself thinking about it quite a bit, off and on.

Today I was on a long drive and suddenly all the thoughts I had been having about this resolved into one basic respone-- Sometimes I do care what people think/feel/believe/say/do... Sometimes I don't...

But what is always true is that I care deeply how people ARE. I care if someone is hurt and is made less than they were by acting on that fear. I care if someone is angry and temporarily made quite stupid bcause they can't see straight.

I can't take responsibility for how people feel or think, but I can take my share of accountability for the effects, in people's lives, of my actions. I can share the consequences in trying to resolve what I have shared in messing up.

Whether I am right or someone else is or we both are, I don't worry over so much anymore. But whether someone whose space I share is doing OK, that I care about. It is remarkably easy to make a big difference in the world around ourselves if we pay attention to that distinction. It only takes responding to how people ARE.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Brendy
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 01:26 AM

Ah, but Praise, do you think that other people care about people who only think they care about caring about what other people care they're thinking about thinking about caring?

Now the answer to that question has kept me awake many's the night!


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 01:33 AM

Brendy, What sorts of things do you think you used to think you thought about before you became so sleep deprived that you began to care too much about what people who care care to think others care about?

As for what I think, about whether other people care about people who only think they care about caring about what other people care they're thinking about thinking about caring, I think that caring about thinking is probably more centrally (as well as globally) significant that thinking about caring.

However I am always open to further thought if you care to think or think you care.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 07:07 AM

Who cares?


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Seamus Kennedy
Date: 15 Feb 00 - 03:42 AM

I care about whether people say " I COULD care less," instead of "I COULDN'T care less." The former is just careless, and the latter is correct, if anyone cares.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Feb 00 - 03:47 AM

I used to care whether people changed the toilet paper with the first sheet hanging down under-- or up and over.

Now I just care if they change it, and if they throw out the empty roll.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Crowhugger
Date: 15 Feb 00 - 03:56 AM

Me too, Praise. And there is the matter of toilet seats, at least it's a matter to some.

Sorry, degenerating the thread isn't my intention. Still wondering where's Justin, though.


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Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Brendy
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 09:31 PM

Maybe he's gone into care!


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