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Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation

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THE HOLLAND HANDKERCHIEF


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John in Brisbane 08 Feb 00 - 07:36 PM
reddog 08 Feb 00 - 08:19 PM
Forsh 04 Sep 03 - 01:14 PM
Forsh 04 Sep 03 - 03:42 PM
Amos 04 Sep 03 - 03:49 PM
GUEST,baby custard 04 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM
Forsh 04 Sep 03 - 04:13 PM
Herga Kitty 04 Sep 03 - 07:26 PM
Forsh 05 Sep 03 - 04:10 AM
Teribus 05 Sep 03 - 08:40 AM
Forsh 05 Sep 03 - 08:47 AM
Bob Bolton 05 Sep 03 - 09:03 AM
bill\sables 05 Sep 03 - 11:20 AM
Forsh 05 Sep 03 - 12:31 PM
Herga Kitty 05 Sep 03 - 03:25 PM
Forsh 05 Sep 03 - 05:04 PM
The Fooles Troupe 05 Sep 03 - 08:11 PM
open mike 06 Sep 03 - 12:57 AM
Herga Kitty 06 Sep 03 - 05:23 AM
Forsh 06 Sep 03 - 05:39 PM
GUEST,not so Big Joe Turner 04 Apr 08 - 10:09 AM
open mike 04 Apr 08 - 11:44 AM
GUEST,House Elf 08 Jan 09 - 12:41 AM
GUEST,Smokey 08 Jan 09 - 01:09 PM
Big Al Whittle 09 Jan 09 - 05:26 AM
Big Al Whittle 09 Jan 09 - 06:21 AM
GUEST,Smokey 09 Jan 09 - 05:45 PM
Charley Noble 09 Jan 09 - 11:15 PM
GUEST,Andybard 06 Jul 09 - 05:20 AM
GUEST 11 Jun 12 - 07:11 AM
SRD 11 Jun 12 - 05:15 PM
Don Firth 11 Jun 12 - 05:44 PM
GUEST,Don Wise 12 Jun 12 - 07:19 AM
GUEST 07 Apr 17 - 04:31 PM
Felipa 08 Apr 17 - 07:23 AM
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Subject: Teenage Cremation
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:36 PM

I understand that this was written by Bob Hudson (Australian) and was covered by Billy Connelly. Anyone have the lyrics and/or tune please? It concerns the singer's girlfriend being run over a truck and searching for parts of her body - a black parody of early 60's tear jerkers. Regards, John


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Subject: Lyr Add: TEENAGE CREMATION (Bob Hudson)
From: reddog
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 08:19 PM

John, here are the lyrics as I remember them. I do know the tune, but how to sing it over email? I'd love to hear the Billy Connelly version. Regards Maureen

    Teenage Cremation
    (Bob Hudson)

    Riding on my motorbike down highway one
    Going pretty fast, doing the ton
    You stuck out your left hand and I turned to the right
    Oh Lordy, Lordy, why can't I hold you tight.

    It was a teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you died
    Who ho, oh how I cried when you died.

    We was going very fast when we crashed into a lorry (truck)
    The driver stuck his head out and said that he was sorry (and all he said was f...)
    We crashed into a trolley bus and then into the next
    You even wrecked the motorbike tattooed on your neck.

    It was a teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you fried
    Who ho, oh how I cried when you fried.

    Rookwood cremation was where we said goodbye
    I stood outside the furnace door and listened to you fry
    And when that it was over, my heart was sick and sore
    I couldn't find the piece of you that I was looking for.

    It was a teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you died
    Who ho, oh how you smelt when you melt.


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Subject: Lyr Req: Teanage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 01:14 PM

Having read thru a couple of postings, including 'getting the words wrong/forgeting words' and the 'wot is Folk Process' I have decided to open up a can of worms, now, most of you would have at sometime performed/played or heared this ditty, I have heared 3 'versions' as such, and many differing verses, to. I hereby invite you to put out your versions/verses, as it aint in digitrad, and, anyway, this is a fine example of a song which has developed by and thru the Folk Process! :)
I moved this message here from another thread on the same topic.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: ADD Version: TEENAGE CREMATION
From: Forsh
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:42 PM

Thank you thus far, contributors!
Here is a version wot I sing,
    I remember how I held you tight, it was a lovely day
    Then off you rode at 98, along the dual carriageway
    You skidded on an oil patch, and shot off down the road
    Then hit a 'Pickfords' lorry with a very heavy load,

    It was a teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you died
    Tra la la la
    How I choked when you croaked, oh yeah,
    You'd been my teenage love,
    Do wah wah, do wah wah, do wah wah oh-oh
    Do wah wah do wah wah do wah wah ohhhhhh.

    The Pickfords lorry that you hot was loaded up with super shell
    It went up in a sheet of flame and baby you went up as well
    As I watched you burning, my dear I must confess
    You looked just like a chicken in a bar-b-q express

    (Cried when you died / Got depressed when you incandesced)

    The local skinheads stood and laughed. They thought that you were such a gas.
    A crowd of nuns said prayers for you. They thought that you were Joan of Arc,
    But as the firemen hosed you down, I couldn't help but scream,
    As I saw you dissolving in a great big cloud of steam

    (Cried when you died / recoiled as you broiled)

    Then the paramedics came, they found your heart & liver & brain,
    The firemen hosed the blood away, so's not to stain the carriageway,
    Then they gave us plastic bags, it really made me blue,
    Wandering down the road picking up pieces of you

    (Cried when you died / threw up when you blew up)

    It was down at the crematorium we said our last good-byes,
    I stood there by the furnace door and sadly watched you fry,
    My heart was breaking as I stood by the door,
    'Cos I hadn't picked up the piece of you that I was looking for

    (Cried when you died / cringed as you singed)

I am happy to say it is a four-chord bash, and I have a sound file somewhere, if anyone wants the tune. mail me here:FORSH
Cheers! Keep those Versions coming, now that this is back at the top of the pile, for a while!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:49 PM

I hate it! :>)

A


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,baby custard
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM

does anyone have the tune, or know here i can get it, sounds a pretty kool song to me,
thanx
luv bc x


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 04:13 PM

Guest Baby Custard, E mail me for a sound file, see my previous message, it says so there, and click the Blue 'FORSH' to mail me!
Any more for any more? only 2 bloody versions? Dunno why I bother....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 07:26 PM

Joe - thanks for the memories!

Somebody (Dave Williams) used to sing this at Herga a few decades ago, and resurrected it for a session at Sidmouth festival on tasteless songs, about 10 years ago.

Forsh - I can dimly remember variants on the lines of "Oh how I cried as you fried", "Oh how I spewed as you stewed" and "Oh how you smelt in the melt".


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 04:10 AM

Thanks Herga Kitty for those variant lines, and thanx Joe for the Link. I hope that there may be a few more variant verses out there, still. A guy called Peter Afendoulous (honest!) produced a version in UK, on his album 'Only one F in Afendoulous' which was as cheesey as it's title sugests!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Teribus
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 08:40 AM

The version of the last verse that I know goes:

At Watford Crematorium we said our good-bye
I sat beside the furnace and listened to you fry
Your heart was in my hands I was feeling so blue
I didn't have the piece I wanted of you.

Shep Wolley used to do this years and years ago.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 08:47 AM

Watford Crematorium?!
Shep Wooley?!
Well there ya go! It seems that in the best folk tradition, this song has indeed gone through the 'folk process' and so has developed. I guess that 'forgetting the words' can lead to a whole new creation, (or should that be 'cremation'?!) Joe O, I hope you,re getting this all down! :)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 09:03 AM

G'day,

Not to spoil Forsh's interesting experiment with the Folk Process ... but I seem to remember this on my LP of Bob Hudson and Margret Roadnight Party Pieces ... the tracks from their show The High and the Mitey (that was, respectively 6 foot + Margaret and more vertically challenged Bob Hudson ... round the same height as me!) that didn't fit on a saner LP.

Maybe I should delay any posting of carefully copied words and tune until we see what Forsh gets.

Regards,

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: bill\sables
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 11:20 AM

I am sure the version posted by Forsh was writen by Ian Mills who used to run the Cullercoats Folk Club (Tyne and Wear)in the 60's. He also wrote "Butlins by the Sea" and pne or two others in this style.
Cheers Bill


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:31 PM

Ah-Ha! Cullercoats, now that is getting nearer to home!
I dunno if this is gonna turn up any more verses or versions, but this gets us back to the top again! Cheers so far.....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 03:25 PM

Hmm, well, Herga has a link with Cullercoats (Jim Mageean) and has always had members who lived in Watford (which is only about 5 miles away)...

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 05:04 PM

Err, Herga kitty, I am thinking of Cullercoats Tyneside, and Watford in Hertfordshire, about 350 miles apart. Or are you saying you live near Watford? :0


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 08:11 PM

Then there was the 60's song about the young bikie (title escapes me)

Are you really going out with him?

Ahh...

Leader of the Pack.

Also seem to rememeber one called

Tell Laura I Love Her
which has images of a car accident ending in flames, or perhaps my memory is confused.


Robin


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: open mike
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 12:57 AM

teen angel....brings tears to my eyes


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Subject: Lyr Add: TEENAGE CREMATION (from Dave Williams)
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:23 AM

Forsh

The Herga Folk Club meets in Wealdstone, which is 4 or 5 miles south of Watford. Jim Mageean used to be a member when he lived in Alperton, London. He now lives in Cullercoats.

We used to get the occasional rendition of "Tell Laura I love her" at Herga too, because Hugh Diamond (who has now moved to Devon) sings it.

To my amazement, I've found the piece of paper on which Dave Williams wrote down his version of Teenage Cremation for me:

TEENAGE CREMATION (from Dave Williams)

I rode upon my motorbike along the M1
Up and down that road we went, trying to do a ton
When she stuck out her left hand
And then we turned right
Oh why did she do it babe
Now I can't hold her tight

Teenage cremation, oh how I cried as you died

At 90 miles an hour we crashed into a lorry
The driver got down and said, "I'm awful sorry"
From Watford to Brentford and Peterborough* too
I searched along the side of the road for what was left of you

(*insert local town of choice. Neither Peterborough nor Brentford is near the M1!)

At Bethnal Green crematorium is where we said goodbye
I opened up the oven door and listened to you fry
And then I started crying as I opened up that door
I hadn't found the bit of you that I was looking for

As encore - after spoken " so I got me another girl"

Going up Parliament Street the lights they went to red
You flew up and then flew down and then began to spread
You splattered on the first bus and half-way up the next
You even stained the motorcycle tattooed on your chest

Teenage cremation, oh how

I cried as you fried
I winced as you minced
I cringed as you singed
I choked as you smoked
I spewed as you stewed
You smelt in the melt

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: Forsh
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:39 PM

Well well well! That's Great, Kitty! we now have three versions and an alternative verse or two! (I must try and look up Jim Mageean some time, I live not too far away.) Any more anyone? Joe O, this is gonna be a bit of a headache, adding to the Digi Trad, Eh?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,not so Big Joe Turner
Date: 04 Apr 08 - 10:09 AM

hi there

I'm joe Turner, Dave Turner's son.
I've been told a lot about this song and how it was written by him and used by many others.

I have two versions by him kicking about.
both have same lyrics but one has a more detailed tune.

Dave turner who also wrote the robin hood ballad, british bobby (both sung by Fred Wedlock), the farting song, ballad of cosmic ray, Ban the Bow and more.


you can contact me on joe@rescuerooms.com and I can put you in contact for his cd and other information


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Teenage Cremation
From: open mike
Date: 04 Apr 08 - 11:44 AM

that teenager site might be a good one to refer people to who are doing "every 15 minutes" projects---a program in high schools where students simulate a fatal car crash to emphasize to them the dangers of DUI.


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,House Elf
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 12:41 AM

Teenage Cremation - by Bob Hudson (1975)

Bah bah bah oh oh doo bee doo(4x)
Oh we rode our motorcycle
We were trying to do the ton
The shades of night were falling
We could see the setting sun
You put out your left hand
When you meant to turn right
Oh baby, oh baby, why couldn't you get it right
Well, teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you died

Bah bah bah oh oh doo bee doo(4x)
We went a hundred miles an hour
We ran into a truck
The driver he just looked at us
And all he said was look out
I'm so broken hearted, I'm all alone and blue
I wander along the nature-strip looking for pieces of you
Teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you died

Bah bah bah oh oh doo bee doo(4x)
Down at the crematorium
We said our last good bye
I stood by the furnace
And I sadly watched you fry
I'm here so sad and lonely
By the big asbestos door
Because I couldn't find the piece of you
That I was looking for
Well, teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you cried

When you fried, teenage cremation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Teenage Cremation - by Dean Middaugh (1960s)

Oh we rode upon my motorbike
All down ?
Evening had fallen
The day was barely done
When you put out your left hand
To turn to the right
Why oh why my baby didn't you hold me tight
Teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you fried

Ninety miles an hour
We crashed into a lorry
The driver he got out
He said I'm awfully sorry
From ? to Brimford and Londontown too
I searched along the side of the road picking up pieces of you
Teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you fried

? crematorium
Where we said good bye
I stood by the furnace
?
But now I'm so lonesome
Just standing by the door
Because I couldn't find the piece of you
That I was looking for
Well, teenage cremation, oh how I cried when you fried
When you fried, why why why.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Have some lines missing in the second one could not remember what they are sorry but as far as i know the top (1st) one is the most accurate.
There is one place I know you can actually still but Bob Hudson's The Newcastle Song Album and that has teenage cremation on it and that is....
http://www.pressplaymusic.com.au/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=286

and its only $14.95 (AUD)

Kind Regards
House Elf
(paul)


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,Smokey
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 01:09 PM

I always understood Dave Turner of Nottingham (recently deceased) wrote this. His material was pilfered quite a lot by other performers and not always credited.


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 05:26 AM

Its one of the best songs for learning the guitar, beccause its relatively slow - in the style of a 1950's teen ballad. I learned it at school around 1964. Everybody at school had learned it from an old boy (by the time I got there who had just left) a guy called Robin Denselow, who later worked as a reporter for the Panorama TV news programme.

Also in its favour for learner guitarists - the whole song is the repetition of four chords in a simple sequence - the chopsticks chords.
tonic, relative minor, sub dominant, dominant.
C Aminor F G7
or
G Eminor C D7

Such a gift for learners. the C to D7 switch, just whipping those fingers off and putting them to either side of the index. to G you just slip the third finger forward to the third fret, first string.
And Eminor is quite easy and memorable.

When you've got the chord changes licked, you can move on to those 'Wild in the Country' type arpeggios.

the words i learned with, are slightly different

Teenage Cremation

Evening was falling, the day was nearly done
You rode on my pillion along the M1
You stuck out your left hand, and I turned to the right
oh my darling, why can't i hold you tight

Now its a teenege Cremation
How how I cry, as you fry

At eighty miles and hor, we crashed into a lorry
the driver stuck his head out, but all he siad was 'sorry....'
Brentford to to Ipswich, Peterborough too
i walked down the whole of the road, picking up pieces of you

Now its a teenege Cremation
How how I cried as you fried

Brentford crematorium was where we said Goodbye
I stood outside the furnace and I listened to you fry
But oh I felt so lonely as I walked through the door
i never really found the piece that i was looking for

Teenge cremation
oh i how cringed as you singed


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 06:21 AM

Years later i heard dave turners version. he may well have written it - i don't know. he was a very creative guy and always doing gigs for most of the 1960's and then for Joe Stead's Sweet Folk and Country Agency in the 1970's.

Dave addeed a a rather jolly

Ho! Ho! Wappity Wappity Ho! line to the choruses and intro.


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,Smokey
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 05:45 PM

It's on here:

http://www.myspace.com/daveturnernottingham


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 11:15 PM

wow!

"That fool was the terror of Highway 101!"

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,Andybard
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 05:20 AM

Hi there - since you collectively seem to know quite a lot about Bob Hudson, does anyone have the lyrics to 'Jonathan Livingston Budgerigar' from the same album? I think it was a parody on the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. Thanks, Andybard


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 07:11 AM

Wow, sombody should write a thesis on this!

I heard the song back in 1976, thought it was fantastic, and the lyric which really blew me away went something like:

"Your lungs, your heart, your head, your spleen were spread upon the floor,
But I couldn't find the part of you which I was looking for."

I think this is even better than the versions above, but unfortunately I can't remember the rest : (


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation
From: SRD
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 05:15 PM

There was a fella called Damian Dever who used to sing 'Teenage Cremation' at the Coach House in Farningham, I think he was a Major in the Army Education Corps. He recorded the song in 1984 in the Essar Studio on his album 'Damian 1 : Omens 0' (Essar 015) where the song is credited to Richard Harris.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation
From: Don Firth
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 05:44 PM

Reminds me of a song a fellow who dropped into some of Seattle's coffeehouses back in the early Sixties used to sing. Sort of a take-off on "Teen Angel" called "Teen Leper."

It contained such lines as "I'll never forget the night she gave me her thumb." And "My parents didn't want me to go with her because they said she had leprosy. I told them, 'Gee whiz, Mom and Dad! ALL teenagers have complexion problems!'"

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST,Don Wise
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 07:19 AM

Ohohoh.....nostalgia!? Dave Turner, Nottingham's celebrated purveyor of scurrilous songs.........

I started my 'folk career' (such as it is/was) in Derby at a time when Dave Turner was a regular guest in the local club. "Teenage Cremation" is a song so eminently suited to localisation that the song archaeologists will probably never be able to satisfactorily pinpoint the original version.

Plumbing the -45Years memory horizon, this is what I recall Dave T. singing:

I rode on your pillion down the M1
Going bloody fast, we were doing the ton
You put out your left hand,I put out my right
Oh what happened?Now I cannot hold you tight
    It was a teenage cremation
    Oh how you splashed when you crashed
    Hey-ho,Bubble and Squeak, Woppity-ho

99 miles an hour when you smashed into the lorry
The driver climbed down from his cab,said"********" (#1)
From Mansfield to Derby and Nottingham too
I search along the side of the road for what was left of you
    It was..............
                      ( #1- an incomprehensible mutter/mumble with hints of 'bloody/ruddy/fucking hell!' rather than 'sorry'even if it doesn't rhyme. )

Going down Upper Parliament Street and the lights they changed to red
You flew up and then flew down and then began to spread
Across the first trolleybus and halfway up the next
You even spoilt the motor-bike tattooed on your chest/breast
    It was.............

(#2)........... crematorium was where we said goodbye
I sat outside the furnace door and listened to you fry
And the shock came to my mind as you bubbled behind the door
I couldn't find the piece of you that I was looking for!
    It was........
                   ( #2- I can't remember what Dave sang here-it may have been Bethnal Green.I don't know Nottingham well enough to say where the local crematorium is. )

A 2012 version of verse 3 would probably have 'tramcar' instead of 'trolleybus'.

Don Wise


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 04:31 PM

This was written by Ian D Mills of Walker Newcastle, a singer songwriter of humourous songs and proficient guitarist. I know this because I was there while he was writing it. He was a regular at, and sometime organiser of the Bay hotel folk club Cullercoats, Tyneside, uk, where indeed Billy Connolly sometimes performed and did meet him.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Teenage Cremation
From: Felipa
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 07:23 AM

yuk!


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