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BS: Relationship with an older woman
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Subject: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST Date: 12 Feb 00 - 06:49 PM I have deliberatly withheld my usual name here in asking this question. I'm 32, she's 43 and I like her a lot. Are there any reasons to suppose that the age difference might be a barrier, or should I just go for it? Any thoughts appreciated. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: katlaughing Date: 12 Feb 00 - 06:55 PM Well, I am going out on a limb because you posted as just GUEST. Hopefully this isn't a setup. Hopefully it involves who I think it does. So...here goes: If you both are okay with it, that is ALL that matters! Go for it. In this supposedly enlightened age, any two people who are happy together should be encouraged, as long as they are both of legal age. Go for it! Let us know how it turns out, though, okay? kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST Date: 12 Feb 00 - 06:59 PM It's not a set up - and thanks for that |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: katlaughing Date: 12 Feb 00 - 07:02 PM Good, you are welcome. Forgot to say that 9 years doesn't even count as a difference of age in my book! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: katlaughing Date: 12 Feb 00 - 07:02 PM And of course, I also can't subtract! Make that 11 yrs. **BG** |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: wildlone Date: 12 Feb 00 - 07:05 PM 11 years is a lot if one is a teen,but as we grow older age means less. What really counts in any relationship is how you feel about each other. Best of luck mate, don't rush. dave putting his head on the block with kat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Feb 00 - 07:12 PM Now that we're done with kat's math lesson.......... Once both parties get past 25 or thereabouts, it becomes less and less of an obstacle. Yes, the subject will always be there, but its not the defining part of the relationship. If it is, its not a relationship of love. 2 cents Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: MMario Date: 12 Feb 00 - 07:25 PM go for it. there aren't enough chances for love in this world to miss one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: MAG (inactive) Date: 12 Feb 00 - 07:50 PM I once had a 6 year relationship where I was 16 years older. Our emotional age was about the same. was great. MA |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: paddymac Date: 12 Feb 00 - 08:27 PM I wholeheartedly concur with the thrust of all the earlier comments. My guess is that all of us have commented with a supposition of a more-or-less conventional relationship, aside from the age factor. My question is would we truly offer the same words of encouragement if the variance was something other than age? What if it involved gender, race, religion, or any of several other societal schisms? Our response ought to be the same in such circumstances, but would it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Hagbardr Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:20 PM When I was 19, I had a close to yearlong relationship with a woman 11 years older than me. We're broken up now but it was well worth it. There's a lot you learn from someone with more experience than you. A funny thing about the age differences... like when she reminds you that she was a senior in high school when you were in first grade. Hagbard |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: wysiwyg Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:42 PM Hey, go for it, but many women start experiencing some real fun with hormones starting about now and you need to know who the real woman is under that and keep a focus on that once the stuff starts, and not bail out. Trust me. I'm there now. every woman I've talked to trying to understand it has just been there too. And it's not just the big M. A lot of readjusting goes on. (It also can masquerade as other weird stuff.) We're worth hangig in there with!!!!! And we go on forever! IMHO-- If you're a stay-for-breakfast kinda guy, you're a jewel, hop into the crown! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:48 PM I have to agree with everyone else. Go for it mate, there is precious little difference if you love each other. Just remember pregnancy is hard on the girl around this age; but not impossible if you both want kids...I wish you both all the very best of luck. May it last forever said the sailor, amen. Yours, Aye. Dave |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:50 PM Older women.... Mmmmmmmm.... Ever since I hit puberty I've had this fantasy about an older woman... *evil grin* Oh ya! Well I had that fantasy just the other night, and man, I gotta tell ya... that woman? She's getting OLDER!! LOL!! I better hurry up and find her 'cause I don't want to whispering sweet nothings into a Miracle Ear... ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: alison Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:51 PM Go for it... age doesn't matter.... good luck slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:53 PM Forgot to add...Charlie Chaplin and his wife..and Celine Dione and her husband there's more than 11 years appart there... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Little Neophyte Date: 12 Feb 00 - 09:59 PM When I was 35 I got involved with someone who was 24 and we live together for 3 years. My biggest issue was getting over our age difference. His biggest issue was dealing with his parents who had cut him off because of our relationship. After 3 years of working through those initial issues, His biggest issue was "let's get married and raise a family". My biggest issue was I am not in love. Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST,Guest Date: 12 Feb 00 - 10:14 PM Been there, done that. Ex-wife claimed to be 8 years older than me, was actually 11. From where I sit (sat?), the younger male has a much easier time dealing with unconventional age difference than the older woman. Ours deteriorated into extreme, nasty, eventually pathological jealousy -- based, I'm sure, on the fact that she started stressing about a few wrinkles, grey hair, a sag or two. This stuff meant nothing to me, everything to her, she began fixating on the idea that I was on the prowl for some young thing. (I wasn't.) And then that unforgettable day when the supermarket clerk told her to "let your son carry this stuff." Sure, it can work -- and often does. But before you commit, be very, very sure that SHE is going to be happy and content 10 years from now.... andy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: MK Date: 12 Feb 00 - 11:51 PM When I was in my mid 20s I was involved with a woman 9 years my senior. Best physical relationship ever, not to mention a wonderful intellectual/emotional relationship as well. Lasted for a couple of years. I think of her quite often to this day. My advice to you: If it feels good, and, really comfortable...Go for it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Chet W. Date: 13 Feb 00 - 12:13 AM When I was in college I ended up, through a series of wild circumstances too long to tell, on a blind weekend date with Jane Fonda, who was several years older than me. We had some good times, re-enacting scenes from Barbarella (let me stop right there), but after a few years we realized that we just had different life-interests and went our separate ways. I still hear from her once in a while - seems this Ted Turner business is all money. Seriously, I have never had a serious relationship with a woman younger than me. I guess I was in some ways ahead of the curve on maturity level and artistic zeal. Must say it has worked out well. Guest, only you know what's right -- do it. Chet |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Llanfair Date: 13 Feb 00 - 04:25 AM Jim's 9 years younger than me, and we've been married 10 years. I've just hit the "big M" and Jim seems to be tolerating it OK!!!! He says the advantage of older women is that the breakfasts are great!!!! I was married twice before, to people my own age, and neither of them appreciated and valued me like Jim does. They also stopped talking to me after the first couple of years, about anything interesting, that is. Jim's just getting his head round the fact that, at 43, he's a step-grandad!!!!! Hwyl, Bron. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: emily rain Date: 13 Feb 00 - 04:55 AM i seem to have a (delicious) habit of being the younger woman. but i'm still below catspaw's watermark age, so take my words with a grain of salt. i agree with everyone else. either you'll run into difficulties or you won't. that's gonna be true of anyone you date, so relax and follow your heart. you have so much to learn from each other! take every lesson of every day as a gift. if you succeed in deepening a friendship, how can that be a mistake? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST Date: 13 Feb 00 - 08:43 AM Thanks for all the kind comments, you really are a very nice bunch of people. I'm going for it, and we'll see what happens... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST,Rich Date: 13 Feb 00 - 09:23 AM I am 10 years older than my wife. Second marriage for both of us. I guess I'll be the one to throw cold water on the discussion; if you have to ask what other people think about YOUR potential relationship, then you aren't ready for it. And possibly she deserves better.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST Date: 13 Feb 00 - 09:36 AM Rich, I don't have to ask other people at all. When you're thinking about something (which is for me) a big decision, it's nice to be able to ask people who you trust for their opinions. As you have no idea who either of us are, the suggestion that she deserves better is misplaced and mean spirited. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: jeffp Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:07 AM Go for it and give each other a nice life. Expect problems in any relationship. Just treat each other with respect and maturity and you'll end up stronger as a result. Also, cook breakfast for her once in a while. jeffp |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: katlaughing Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:19 AM Ummm, jeffp? Wotcha doin' this mornin'??**BG**
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST,Frankie Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:25 AM Dear Guest, The only advice I'll give you is to keep your eyes open. When I was forty I met the love of my life (up to that point). She was twenty seven and we fell madly in love. Shortly into our relationship we discovered that we had very different ideas about how our futures would go. She was determined to have a big family and that was not something I wanted at all. We agreed, consequently, that ours would not be a long affair and reassured each other that we would always love each other no matter how it ended. Well, the longer we stayed together the closer we became and we kept postponing the inevitable. After four years, the last two of which were filled with painful breakups that never took and at the last unsucessful attempts to salvage our deep friendship, we broke it off completely. It launched me into a depression that took me more than a year to emerge from. I found out, subsequently, that she had had a similar experience. Last year we resumed our friendship via snail mail (she moved to another state)and I was genuinely happy to learn that she had started the family that she always wanted and was (and is) doing great. As for me, I have found my dear one who is, not necessarily by design, exactly my age. Take what you will from this tale Guest, but I have to agree with Chet "...only you know what is right." Best Wishes, Frankie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Abby Sale Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:40 AM Personally, I think it all works out either way: O, an she be young, how happy I shall be! If that she be auld, the sooner she will die. filename[ BROMBES3 We should always seek the Folk Wisdom for true answers in these matters. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: kendall Date: 13 Feb 00 - 12:18 PM If someone sticks his nose into your relationship, my advice to you is the same as it would have been to Clinton (if he had asked) NON OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Little Neophyte Date: 13 Feb 00 - 01:14 PM Guest, to add to my earlier posting there was much joy, laughter, friendship and growth in the 3 years I spent with Jeff. Though we did not become life long partners, we both learned a great deal from each other. I have deep appreciation for the time we did spend together. Jeff treated me like a queen. He had never been in a significant relations before and I found his inexperience charming. In many ways I enjoyed being the older woman. Yet we worked together as equal partners in most aspects of our relationship. It can work. And if it doesn't last forever, it can still be a magical experience. All the best, Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST,spider tom Date: 13 Feb 00 - 03:38 PM In a world of toil and trouble,and multi-story rage, It would seem a might peculier, to waffle on, on age. Who could get it on as often,or up, as of't you can. True, the older woman, will outlast the youngest man.
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Eric the Viking Date: 13 Feb 00 - 03:54 PM You go for it. I am never one to let too much of my real personality or private life out cos it's private, but my wife if almost 12 years younger than me. We would spend every minute together if we could,we've got 2 rug rats and have been together for 16 years- not one day wasted. Go for it and enjoy your life together if you can make it work-good luck. Eric. I would'nt have my life any other way at all, but then that's us. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Rick Fielding Date: 13 Feb 00 - 04:32 PM Boy, the difficulties in finding a compatible partner are huge. Most of the folks that I know, who've reached 40 and find themselves solo, but open to a partnership, are knee deep in a dilema. They may not be exactly sure what they want in a significant other, but they sure know what they DON'T want. It becomes a question of just how much you're willing to compromise even before a relationship can start. Things like personal politics, religion, and general lifestyle choices are just so much more important now than they would have been at 20, 25, or even 30. The bottom line is we are all given certain qualities with which to engage in barter with the opposite (or same) sex. Some have physical beauty, some, great dispositions, some lots of money, some, a great talent at something. (The folks with ALL of those, tend not to be bothered with folk music anyway, so screw 'em!) When you start throwing in age restrictions, you're just making a difficult situation even harder. Remember, the ONLY people who care about the age thing are relatives and the odd friend. Same with religious differences. I lived with a woman less than half my age (40 - 19) for a couple of years, and other than a bit of self-consciousness on my part when I'd be around her parents (who were about 5 years older than me) 'twas a good relationship. Some of my friends thought it was scandalous (and I heard the term cradle robber occasionally) but obviously they didn't know hard it was to find someone who: A. Loved folk and classical music B. Was exceptionally well-informed, had a killer sense of humour, and had OPINIONS. C. Felt the same way I do about animals (without being a vegetarian) D. Could tolerate me. (the big issue we had was children.. I would not have wanted to change her mind on that score, and mine had been made up for many years.) Who cares about a few years either way? Rick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: skarpi Date: 13 Feb 00 - 04:52 PM My dear guest, do you love her, does she love you ? . If so then go for it becouse love dont ask for age, I mean love is love . All the best skarpi Iceland. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: bob schwarer Date: 13 Feb 00 - 04:58 PM Child bride is 8 years younger than me. We've been working at it 43 years and it gets better every year. Different religeons, one Yankee one rebel and a herd of other reasons why it wouldn't work. But it does. Bob S. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: bflat Date: 13 Feb 00 - 05:06 PM When you love someone it should be unconditional. Does anything else need to be said? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: WyoWoman Date: 13 Feb 00 - 05:36 PM Dear "guest," My guess is if you were older it wouldn't even come up as a concern. Men have been involving themselves with younger women for eons and it is usually seen as an acknowledgment of the man's virility. The pheonomenon of women being older than men is newer. Previously there were occasional relationships like this, but nothing that could be called a trend. Now, that's all changing. I lived for three years with a man 17 years my junior and it was mostly pretty great. Housekeeping was a problem because he simply didn't do it and if I asked him to pick his crap up off the floor of the living room, kitchen, bathroom ... EVERYwhere ... I started feeling like his mother. But if I didn't ask him, I felt put-upon and resentful.
And then there was the time he was injured and the nurses at the hospital said I could go in and see my son now. I just looked them in the eye and said, "He's not my son, he's my lover," and watched their eyeballs go He was romantically inexperienced but lively and that was plenty fun. Ultimately, though, it was the M word that broke us up. I've been married and I didn't take to it. He wanted the marriage, the cottage and the picket fence. I tried, but I just couldn't go there. BUT ... I do have friends -- three couples -- who are an older woman/younger man combination and they've been happily married for years. I agree with whoever up there said it was generally the woman who is more bothered by the arrangement. My friend used to catch me with this furrowed brow and say, "You're doing the math again, aren't you? Stop doing the math. I'm not..." I'd get involved with a younger man again, if it were the right younger man, but probably not THAT much younger. (He thought the Big Bopper was one of McDonald's first specialty hamburgers...) WyoWoman |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Mbo Date: 13 Feb 00 - 06:42 PM I've always liked to think that age doesn't matter in affairs of the heart. But then again--it may make all the difference. But then again I'm too young and dumb to know much about these things.... --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST Date: 13 Feb 00 - 06:52 PM Is this the Mudcat Forum or Dear Abbey? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST Date: 13 Feb 00 - 07:12 PM It's Dear Abbey - for the Mudcat try the 'back' button |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Lonesome EJ Date: 13 Feb 00 - 08:09 PM Dear Abbie Dear Abbie the problem, you see My girlfriend is 20 years older than me Some friends of mine tell me I must be a fool But she gives me lunch money and a ride to my school Signed, Fast Learner |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Feb 00 - 08:12 PM LOL....Good one Leej!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: momnopp Date: 13 Feb 00 - 09:18 PM My sister-out-law is 8 years older than her husband. They just celebrated their 20th anniversary last year. When I told her that some of the most attractive, sweet men I've encountered in my current "search" are 27-30 years old (I'm 36) she told me that the 4 most successful marriages she knows of are between older women and younger men. So best of luck to you, Guest (and may the rest of us be so fortunate!!) Cheers |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Llanfair Date: 14 Feb 00 - 05:09 AM "O father , dear father, you've done to me much wrong, You've gone and got me married to a boy who is too young, For he is only sixteen years, and I am twenty-one, My bonny boy is young, but he's growing. This is not a new issue!!!!! Hwyl, Bron. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 14 Feb 00 - 07:28 AM "He's young but he's daily growing" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST,An older woman Date: 14 Feb 00 - 07:59 AM One of my favourite badges says "You're only as old as the man you feel"... (I'm a 46 year young woman!!!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: GUEST,Terry Allan Hall (a guest?...I'm honored!) Date: 14 Feb 00 - 08:39 AM Simply a case of mind over matter...if you two don't mind, then it need not matter! Good luck and "many happinesses" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: annamill Date: 14 Feb 00 - 10:09 AM This is an interesting thread. I would never had thought about putting it to my Mudcat friends. I'm sort of in the other position. I'm 9 years older than Honey and it sometimes worries me. When I'm 59, almost 60, he'll only be 50 and a man at 50 may not want to be with a 60 year old woman. He'll still be able to find much younger women who will find him attractive. Now I know he loves me and we are getting married, but I wonder how it will be for him. I don't even know if I'm being fair. I can feel myself going downhill already. Bones ache, I can't bend over easily, I forget things, my eyesight is getting worse. Our love is strong and it would hurt him badly if I said we should not be together, but am I being fair? As for you, Guest...well, since my separation from my 17 year old marriage, I've only gone out with younger men, but I've always had the sense not to take the relationship too seriously. Til now anyway. Hopefully you can love enough to get over the humps and there will be humps, and when she does get much older, I hope you don't leave her alone in what will be a very lonely world as it can be for older people. This is what you have to think about. Right now, at her age she can find someone her age or near to share old age with, but when she gets older and if you need something more than she can give you, she may not be able to find some to share old age with. Another thought I've had is that I'll die and leave my Honey all alone. I'm worried about that too. His love is strong and because he's younger he hasn't seen mortality yet. I will most likely leave him alone when he's going to need me the most. Just something to think about and consider. It will be taking a chance on both your sides. As much as we would like to think it does, love does not always conquer all. If you decide to go on with what could be a very rewarding relationship, I hope all goes well, and I wish you lots of love. Love, annap |
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Subject: RE: BS: Relationship with an older woman From: Fortunato Date: 14 Feb 00 - 10:37 AM I 've had them to fail, guest older and youger. But not because of age. Whom do you see there; whom does she see? The patina that love and lust and loneliness can smear all over reality clears eventually. I've had one to work real well. When the patina was gone the woman I was supposed to spend my life with was standing there and she was 6+ years younger. Just lucky, that's all, say your prayers and follow your heart. Best Wishes, Fortunato |