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Song Challenge! Part 9

Áine 21 Feb 00 - 04:01 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 05:17 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 05:24 PM
Callie 21 Feb 00 - 05:30 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 05:38 PM
Amos 21 Feb 00 - 05:41 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 05:43 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 05:46 PM
Callie 21 Feb 00 - 05:57 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 06:03 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 06:14 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 06:24 PM
Amos 21 Feb 00 - 06:30 PM
Jeri 21 Feb 00 - 06:54 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 06:59 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 07:17 PM
Amos 21 Feb 00 - 07:33 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 07:50 PM
wysiwyg 21 Feb 00 - 08:12 PM
Amos 21 Feb 00 - 08:18 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 08:33 PM
MarkS 21 Feb 00 - 08:47 PM
Amos 21 Feb 00 - 08:54 PM
McGrath of Harlow 21 Feb 00 - 09:20 PM
wysiwyg 21 Feb 00 - 09:25 PM
Barky 21 Feb 00 - 09:40 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 10:10 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 10:15 PM
Barky 21 Feb 00 - 10:22 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 10:25 PM
Barky 21 Feb 00 - 10:26 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 10:35 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 10:37 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 10:43 PM
wysiwyg 21 Feb 00 - 10:52 PM
Barky 21 Feb 00 - 10:52 PM
Metchosin 21 Feb 00 - 10:59 PM
Áine 21 Feb 00 - 11:02 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 11:04 PM
wysiwyg 21 Feb 00 - 11:10 PM
Barky 21 Feb 00 - 11:11 PM
Troll 21 Feb 00 - 11:25 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 11:27 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 11:33 PM
wysiwyg 21 Feb 00 - 11:33 PM
Troll 21 Feb 00 - 11:35 PM
Mbo 21 Feb 00 - 11:37 PM
Barky 22 Feb 00 - 12:01 AM
Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 12:05 AM
Troll 22 Feb 00 - 12:10 AM
Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 12:12 AM
Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 08:30 AM
Troll 22 Feb 00 - 08:38 AM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 08:41 AM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 08:56 AM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 09:05 AM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 09:18 AM
Troll 22 Feb 00 - 09:20 AM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 09:25 AM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 09:26 AM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 09:29 AM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 09:33 AM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 09:36 AM
Micca 22 Feb 00 - 09:49 AM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 10:04 AM
GUEST,Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 10:23 AM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 10:34 AM
Hyperabid 22 Feb 00 - 11:28 AM
GUEST,Praiseatworkbutsoontobehomewheretherearecook 22 Feb 00 - 12:36 PM
MMario 22 Feb 00 - 01:30 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 01:42 PM
Lonesome EJ 22 Feb 00 - 01:43 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 01:48 PM
wysiwyg 22 Feb 00 - 02:27 PM
katlaughing 22 Feb 00 - 02:31 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 03:00 PM
wysiwyg 22 Feb 00 - 03:04 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 03:49 PM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM
GUEST,Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM
wysiwyg 22 Feb 00 - 04:04 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 04:09 PM
GUEST,Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 04:14 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 04:17 PM
GUEST,Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 04:19 PM
wysiwyg 22 Feb 00 - 04:25 PM
MMario 22 Feb 00 - 04:30 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 04:53 PM
GUEST,LEJ 22 Feb 00 - 05:06 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 05:08 PM
MMario 22 Feb 00 - 05:11 PM
GUEST,LEJ 22 Feb 00 - 05:11 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 05:30 PM
Lonesome EJ 22 Feb 00 - 05:50 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 05:54 PM
Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 06:26 PM
Áine 22 Feb 00 - 06:48 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 07:55 PM
Amos 22 Feb 00 - 07:55 PM
wysiwyg 22 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM
wysiwyg 22 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM
Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 08:54 PM
Barky 22 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM
Mbo 22 Feb 00 - 11:36 PM
Troll 22 Feb 00 - 11:40 PM
The Shambles 23 Feb 00 - 05:44 AM
The Shambles 23 Feb 00 - 05:47 AM
The Shambles 23 Feb 00 - 05:51 AM
Micca 23 Feb 00 - 06:12 AM
Amos 23 Feb 00 - 09:12 AM
Troll 23 Feb 00 - 09:50 AM
Hyperabid 28 Feb 00 - 04:33 AM
Áine 28 Feb 00 - 06:34 AM
Hyperabid 28 Feb 00 - 07:00 AM
Aidan Crossey 17 Aug 01 - 11:31 AM
SharonA 17 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM
MMario 17 Aug 01 - 11:56 AM
MMario 17 Aug 01 - 12:19 PM
Áine 18 Aug 01 - 06:09 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Aug 01 - 12:51 PM
GUEST,nerd 14 Apr 05 - 03:10 PM
rich-joy 30 Oct 05 - 12:02 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 04:01 PM

This CHALLENGE! is being posted by popular demand (it would seem) and/or by thread creep from another thread. (For info and inspiration, check out this thread).

The CHALLENGE! is to write a song about food -- your favorite food, your least favorite food, the things in your refrigerator, etc. Any food-based topic is fine. Suggested titles are:

My Bulgur Is A 'Bulgin';
A Smoothie In The Morning And I'm Fit For Love;
Why Waste Two Dollars On Cheap Rotel When A Plunger And A Privy Will Do Just As Well;
You're My Peanut, I'm Your Butter;
My Lettuce Done Growed Legs And Walked Outa My Life

. . . I think you get the idea. OK, go for it CHALLENGE!RS!!

-- Áine (the acute and acquiesced!!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:17 PM

Ahhh....foo songs. I have written many Campbell's soup songs, along with my sister....and we also, over the course of 4 years, wrote more than 100 Damon's Ribs songs, anything from imitation-rap to Renaissance ballads. Ahh..you shoulda been in Printmaking class with me this morning...we were all cracking up, including our hilarious teacher, over musical Printmaking jokes. I'd tell them, but they'd be kinda hard to grasp...if you want to see some soup and/or ribz songs, I'll be happy to oblige!

Cracker meal, cracker meal
I love the way you make me feel
It never has been known to fail
Especially when eaten stale!


--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:24 PM

Come on, Mbo -- The challenge is to write a new, complete song -- no relying on your own mouldy oldies now. I think a couple of good titles for your song could be Cold Hocks, Cold Heart or Keep Your Hands Off My Ham Or I'll Drop My Hocks On You or My Bacon Is Taken or My Heart Is Sugar Cured Over You . . . come on, be a mensch!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Callie
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:30 PM

Today the Chocolate Left Me Brown

Summer day, flies a-swarmin' On your skin, sweat's a-formin'. Come the three o'clock snackie blues The chocolate bar begins to ooze.

Oh dear, what's the matter? The sweetie is stuck to the wrapper. There's this yearning in my glands, But now the stuff's all over my hands.

I'll never get a mouthful In this dragonfly-time of the year. So I'll dream of firm brown fields And shed a tear.

-Callie


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:38 PM

Oh Bulgur is a tempting treat
So nutritious and so sweet
Bulgur wheat, bulgur wheat
Makes my little ticker beat
Bulgur bulgur bulgur wheat
Garnished with a bit of peat
Oh give me bulgur straight or neat!

There's Mazzeppa's fighting band
A bulgur smoothie in each hand
Bulgur fresh, bulgur canned
I wish I was in bulgur land
bulgur bulgur bulgur and
More b-bulgur white as sand
On Tahiti's sunny strand!

Wars have came and wars have went
All for bulgur's tempting scent
Bulgur mortgage, bulgur rent
For it I'd give my last red cent
Every dollar would be spent
Till all my body's pores would vent
Bulgur bulgur permanent!
Buuuuuuuuulgur! Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulgar!


--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:41 PM

Hang tough, boys. It's a-working.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:43 PM

That's to the tune of a sea chantey "Whisky Is The Life O' Man" by the way.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:46 PM

Keep going, Callie!! It's a great start!

Suggested Titles for The Lady Mudcats:

I'm Takin' What You're Tellin' Me With A BIG Pinch Of Salt;
I've Got Celery In My Icebox Stiffer Than You;
You're My Little BLT;
If You'll Be My Powdered Sugar, I'll Be Your Big Strawberry;
I've Got Your Thumbprint In My Butter;
Oleo, Oleo;
Sarah Lee Ain't Got Nuthin' On You;
My Baking Soda Can't Take Your Stink No More;
If You'll Be My Gargonzola, I'll Be Your Provolone;
I've Put Your Popsicle On Ice, Big Daddy;
I'm Nuthin' But A Pinch Cook

Somebody stop me . . .


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Callie
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 05:57 PM

You're making me hungry!!

Forever is a long time,
Your life you cannot plan.
I want to tell you this, my dear -
I love you more than spam.

Life is short, or brief.
The sandwich of time pauses for no man
Or cat or dog whose food looks and smells
Remarkably like spam.

So when I say I love you
Compare yourself if you can
To the over-processed, over-priced, pink, salty, barf-inspiring meat flavoured food
Called Spam.

Apologies for lack of scantion etc. I'm on my way to work, and haste makes for bad rhyming and rhythmning!

-Callie


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 06:03 PM

Dear Callie,

We'll just call it a 'work in progress' -- firm it up after you get home from work -- it's not set in stone until you say it is!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 06:14 PM

WHAT DOES THE WORLD HAVE AGAINST BULGAR?!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 06:24 PM

What I Flay?
(Tune: What I Say)
{with sincere apologies to Ray Charles}

Come on baby, put your brown bag down,
I'm gonna fry your bacon all over town,
Hey, hey,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

You love bologna and I like spam,
Push your cloves into my ham,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

What's with this fruit, now ain't it fine,
I'll rub your apples until they shine,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

See the turkey with white pants on,
I'll be cookin right thru 'til dawn,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

You like cakes and I like pie,
Come to Momma, don't be so shy,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

Oooh, baby look at them eggs,
They're as pretty as your legs,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

You like wheat bread, I like white,
Spread that mayo thru the night,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

I like liver, you like beef,
Gonna call you my 'big meat chief',
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

You like sherbert, I like ice cream,
Scoop me baby, until I scream,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?

Where's my big pot, where's my spoon?
Gonna cook until you croon,
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey now,
What I flay?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 06:30 PM

Holy moly!!

Somebody let the Genie right outta the bottle!
Dang -- I never heard of now Goddess getting down like that before! Shake yo' relish again, Green Goddess, and poor Mbo's gonna drool himself right off the table!

You GO, Texas Chile Cookoff -- that there keyboard has barbecue smoke coming right out of it...

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 06:54 PM

This is based on an actual event in my life...

Long, long time ago
I can still remember
How fudge ripple used to taste so grand
And I knew if I held it right
And kept the cone out of the light
Maybe it would not melt on my hand
But though I thought I was quite tricky
I couldn't keep from getting sticky
Bad news when the top scoop
Fell on a pile of dog poop
And I recall I cried like hell
And wasn't feeling very well
The day my ice cream fell

And I was singing:
Farewell, I thought you were swell
But in a test for the best it was too soon to tell
I was standin' there a-holdin' just the sugary shell
The day my ice cream fell


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 06:59 PM

Dear Amos,

To quote Mr. Charles: it's all where the mind wanna take you . . .

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 07:17 PM

Dear Jeri,

Great image! Keep on goin' -- we've got the angst, now's where the sturm???

Dear Mbo,

I've got nothin' 'gainst your bulgur -- it's a wonderful song. But, I have a feeling you've got another one cookin' inside that creative brain of your, don't ya . . .

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 07:33 PM

Wow -- this has gotta be the hottest Challenge yet. What talent!.

Sub-Chef Food Poisoning Blues

(Note:  If you haven.t heard Dylan sing the original on the Bringing it All Back Home
album, listening to it is a pre-requisite. Otherwise it looks entirely erratic instead of
divinely subtle and fragrant)

(Open to the sounds of a country rock boogiewoogie intro joined by
slick steel slides setting the nasal whing-ding urban stomping  tone).

Spaw's old medicine
Started growing fur again
Put it on the pavement
Leave it to the government
The man in the cook's coat
Laid out his hot dog,
Says he's got sea weed
Wants to put it in a log

Look out man
It's mold in a can
God knows why
But it isn't gonna fry
You better dice and sliver
Heatin' up the liver
The man in the dhoti,
 fixing up a roti,
Handin' out sorbet
Wants to find a new way!

Maggie brings brown rice
Says it makes the soup nice
Talkin bout a paté
Gonna make a bouchée
Goin' back to New York
Bring back jerk pork
Goes with a light port
Good enough to export

Look out girl
It's startin' to curl
Gotta keep the heat low
When ya make a compot
Better pick a clean stick
Pinch and peel and tater prick,
Keep sauteeing
Keep up with the flaying
You don't need an aubergine
to keep the sweet medaillion,
Ahh,
WIne kebab, mekitsas
Deep pan pizzas
Feta cheese and chicken
Lady-finger-lickin!
Fry bread, cheese head
Scald, roast, cream, shred
Drop a good toredo
FIx it up Alfedo!

Look out, goil
You're soups gonna boil!
Tabasco, gallo
Wasabi and volaille-o
Zup au poivres, darjeeling
Keep up with the peeling
Girls gonna get fazed
By my smoked beef glaze,
Don't do the tango!
Watch the sorbet mango!
Ah mill it, fillet, don' ask how they kill it,
Short cuts, beef butts,
Get the extra Virgin dressed
Bound ta be a  success
Please her, please him,  purée
Chopped ice, flambé,
Set it to 350
And get busy on the sautée!

Look out kid
You're liftin the lid!
Better chop the nuts up finer
Serve it to the diner
No Coriander!
We aren't here to pander!
Eggs and spring onions
Gonna cure your bunions,
The chef is  gonna killya if you fill it with vanilla!!
 

(Whining steel slides and rhythm fade out)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 07:50 PM

Dingy dang darn it, Amos!!! If you keep topping everybody in the competition, you're gonna be barred -- I mean it -- quit being so dawl-garned good all the time . . .

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 08:12 PM

Pick any blues tune that fits, such as "Rather drink muddy water..."

PO' FOOD BLUES
by Praise

I was lookin' in the icebox,
I didn't see no food.
I was lookin' in the icebox,
I didn't see no food.
Oh momma won't you feed me,
Something hot and good.

Now she's lookin' in the pantry,
She say she see some grits.
Oh now she's lookin' in the pantry,
She say she see some grits.
I had 'em six times last weekend,
I like to had the fits [sh*ts].

Well she's cookin' at the woodstove,
She got the heat up high.
Yes she's cookin' at the woodstove,
She got the heat up (way up) high.
Say she makin' something special,
Hey honey, make it right.

Well you know I love my po' food,
Never throw it out.
Sure you know I love my po' food,
Never throw it out.
Grits with redeye gravy,
Grits all in my mouth.

Now I could use me some sweet dessert, babe,
Come on and do me right.
Sure do need your sweet dessert, babe,
I know you do me right.
Honey you know I love my po' food,
I could eat it all the night.








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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 08:18 PM

Dang, this is the best line up your compytishun has ever had, Miss Áine! Yew suppose we could go to the State level with our-all soyungs?

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 08:33 PM

Wow, Praise! A definite Blue Fume Shield contender there!!

You're absolootlee right, Amos. I can't wait to see what miss kat and Troll come up with!

-- Áine

(Amos - our-all soyungs??? Darlin', I'm from Texas, not Virginia!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MarkS
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 08:47 PM

Does anybody remember who wrote that old nostalgic favorite, "I've Got the Chicken Cordon Blues?"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 08:54 PM

Oioooooo....groan....talk about breadcrumb sins!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 09:20 PM

Mother Hubbard's Blues.

My fridge is empty and my pocket book is too
My fridge it is empty, and my pocket book is empty too
If I can't find something to eat right soon, God knows what I'm a-going to do.

Looked in the larder, all I saw there was an empty plate,
Looked in the larder, nothing there except an empty plate,
And a bowl of cat food - and I tell you, that cat food looked just great.

I looked at the cat, and the cat looked me in the eye,
I looked at the cat, and the cat, she looked right back in the eye,
She says, "You touch my food mister, I swear it won't be long before you die."

Grabbed hold of that bowl, and then I grabbed hold of a spoon,
Grabbed hold of that bowl, and then I grabbed hold of a spoon,
Cat was scratching and biting and chasing me all round the room.

Woke up this morning, feel so sick and so sore
Woke up this morning, feel so sick and so sore
Got scratches all over my hands - and my pussy cat don't love me no more.

Looked in my larder - it was empty, the cat food was gone
Larder was bare, and all of the cat food was gone.
Looked out the window - why, that dog's got a fine juicy bone...


Now that is a song in exceedingly poor taste. (Some Dog biscuits on the other hand taste quite good, I used to sneak them when I was a kid. And I can remember my mother asking the butcher for a nice juicy bone for the dog, and we'd make soup out of it before he got it. But Cat food -I never could fancy it.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 09:25 PM

Cordon Blue = Steve Goodman, si??


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 09:40 PM

Spam...
Spam...
Spaaa-am...
It is pink meat
it smells like your feet
It's something you don't want to…
eat?

Spam... Spam... Spaaa-am.
It comes in a can
Put there by a man.
You can fry it in a...
pan?

Spam...
Spam...
Spaaa-am.
Put it on bread.
It it in bed
Injest it and you'll be...
dead?

Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:10 PM

I tell you, sounds like my old soup song:

Campbell's Soup in a can
That was made by a sweaty man
Open the can, pour it in a pot
Stick it on the stove and LET IT ROT!
No cakes or candy for this little brat
I'd rather eat soup that's pumped with fat!


--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:15 PM

Kevin -- Great song! I've had a bite or two of dog biscuit in my day, and you're right, I don't think I'd ever go for the cat food! Well done!

Barky -- That's great for your first challenge! But, at 15 years of age, why do I have a hard time believing that you've ever eaten Spam???

Mbo -- I told you before, no mouldy oldies! Although, it's a cutie, just like you!

-- Áine

(Where's MMario?? I thought this challenge would be right up his vermcelli!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:22 PM

'Nuther SPAM one. (oh, another tidbit of info that you really didn't need to know, but oh well: My friend met the guy who shoveled the first load of spam ever!)

The SPAM Blues. (To the tune of Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis) (Anyone want to help with the title?)

Stepped outta my house this evenin'.
Tryin' to find some food (to eat).
Went on down to the corner store,
But all they had was canned meat!

Oh I'm so hungry baby.
Oh I'm so hungry.
Oh I'm so hungry, I could die.

Now I may not be the smartest,
But I know one thing for sure,
If I eat some o' that there SPAM,
My insides will rupture.

Oh I'm so hungry baby.
Oh I'm so hungry.
Oh I'm so hungry, I could die.

So I'm standing in the corner store,
Looking longingly at the shelves,
Thought I might try some o' that there SPAM,
To satisfy my self.

Oh I'm so hungry baby.
Oh I'm so hungry.
Oh I'm so hungry, I could die.

Well I bought all o' that there SPAM,
I took it all home to eat.
I fried it all up in a nice clean pan,
And almost died from the heat.

Oh I'm so hungry baby.
Oh I'm so hungry.
Oh I'm so hungry, I could die.

Guitar/Piano solo. for a while.

It was an hour before I could touch it,
And by that time I was almost dead,
I took one whiff of the smell of the stuff,
And almost fell right on my head.

Oh I'm so hungry baby.
Oh I'm so hungry.
Oh I'm so hungry, I could die.

~Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:25 PM

WINNER WINNER! BLUE FUME SHIELD! BLUE FUME SHIELD!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:26 PM

With a sob and a cry, Áine, I admit it. I have never touched, eaten, nor have I even smelled SPAM to the best of my knowledge. In fact, I make a point of staying away from the stuff. =0)~

~Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:35 PM

Then there's the ripoff "Treet" which in name alone is less tempting that S.P.A.M. (Specially Packed Artificial Meat).

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:37 PM

Wow (again)! Three wonderful blues songs in one day and each one Blue Fume Shield worth -- I'm flabbergasted!! Go CHALLENGE!RS Go!

However, having had to make due with Spam when the money didn't stretch far enough for anything else when I was little -- I just may have to work on a song in its defense. (Barky -- it does NOT smell like feet!). I have to say that it was probably due to my mother's excellent skills as a cook that I have no horrid memories of this particular processed food. My father, being a WWII veteran, held fond memories of this stuff from his army days and relished eating it with a poached egg on top of a big fat slice. Of course, he did his duty at Los Alamos, and there probably was some leakage . . .

--


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:43 PM

I know! My mother used to make this stuff when I was 6 years old--way back in '85 when my Dad was overseas. From what I remember, I was rather fond of it. Slap some on a hamburger bun with some cheese--mmmm! I haven't had it since then.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:52 PM

Hey!! I thought this was songs only! Didn't we start this when Aine BEGGED us to quit talking about food? huh?

Cuz if this is for food stories, I'm gonna have to tell you about peanut butter and onions on hot dogs AND stir-fried Spam!

Let's stop the madddnessss....
[:>)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:52 PM

I'm working desperately to catch up to my father's song writing level, although I do think that he'll never write anything about SPAM. (I'd better not tempt him, he might beat me out yet again.)*BG*

~Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Metchosin
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 10:59 PM

Gee I think we can still get it here because my husband was talking about making Spam Wellington the other day.

Well done guys! I love these threads.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:02 PM

peanut butter and onions on hot dogs AND stir-fried Spam!

Oh dear, Praise, I feel a triple dawg dare comin' on . . . ooopppppssss -- here it is!!! Let's see ya write a song about all that! Come on, don't wuss out now -- you started it -- huh, huh, don't let us all down now ----

-- Áine

(and you can even use the fact that my daddy loved to eat sardines and very high sharp cheddar cheese on saltine crackers with a big glass of buttermilk for a bedtime snack!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:04 PM

Barkster, I'm not sure anyone can beat your Dad at songwriting. I sure can't! I'm much more of a music person, and mind you, if it's a tune any of yous is wanting for your songs, I'm the dude to call. Haven't written a song tune in a good long time!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:10 PM

Alright Ah will! After Ah rassle up a mess o' dat po' food for mah HUSban'!! Tomorrow!

You guys made me hungry. Those meals have actually been eaten in our house. The hot dogs are actually delish.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:11 PM

Mbo, you and I think along the same lines. I'm pretty good at writing tunes m'self. I'm sure you are much better than myself, being more advanced in years. (not very many, though) =)

Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:25 PM

SPAM is short for SPiced hAM.

I Draw The Line

Now ev'ry body gots somethin,

Gots somethin they won't eat.

Child you know it's true.

Yeah ev'ry body gots somethin,

Some people won't eat chittlins,

Other folks don' like pigs feet.

Now I will eat most anythin,

That you can serve up on a plate,

Or in a bowl.

Yeah I will eat most anythin,

Yhat you can serve up on a plate.

It don't need to be special,

It don't need to be nothin great.

Cause I'll eat alligator and I'll eat possum too.

Sorry Spaw

You know I'll eat alligator,

And I'll eat possum too.

I loves that cracklin cornbread,

A great big heapin bowl of catfish stew.

Eat snakes and snails and spinach,

Eat sardines right out the can.

With chocolate milk.

Eat snakes and snails and spinach

Sardines right out the everlovin' can.

Eat eggs and pickeled herring,

eat a sandwich made of Spam.

But ev'ry one gots someplace.

Gots someplace where they draws the line.

You know they do now.

Lord Lord, ev'ry one gots someplace.

Baby where they draws the line.

Yeah ev'ry one gots someplace,

And babe you know that I gots mine.

I'll eat what you gots to offer,

And I'll say it's mighty fine.

You know I will

I'll eat what you gots to offer.

Yes I'll say it's mighty fine.

But don' you feed me no eggplant

Cause eggplants where I draw the line.

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:27 PM

Well...there's some contention about that! Tunes come to me very easily if I have words to work with--part of being LI (Lyrically Impaired). Also, if I'm writing a parody of an existing song, it find it easier to write new words. But writing from your own mind requires lots of time to think of ideas. Writing purely musical tunes is often a bit harder...there are so many possible tunes floating through your mind, sometimes you really have to concentrate hard, and use your big net to try and fish out something good.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:33 PM

I don't know...after reading "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair, it makes you kind take a second thought at what's exactly in canned meat products! Blarg!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:33 PM

Songs !! Kids please!!! Must have songs!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:35 PM

Meebo. Parts is parts.

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Feb 00 - 11:37 PM

Does parts include the poor Lithuanian janitor who was accidentally sucked down into the meat grinder?

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 12:01 AM

Oh God, Mbo! Such a graphic picture. I think I'm not too hungry anymore. Now I KNOW I'll never try SPAM!!

~Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 12:05 AM

I know. That's one scary book. Between that and peoples frozen ears snapping off, and bludgeoning cattle with sledgehammers--almost makes you want to be veggie. I said almost! This was all happening in the '20's. Hopefully things have changed since then.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 12:10 AM

The lord of the Spam is a jolly little elf.

You can find him in a can on the supermarket shelf.

You can share him with a friend,you can keep him for yourself,

The lord of the Spam takes care of your health.

Ch. Spam, Spam, wherever you may be.

I am the lord of the Spam said he.

I live in a can with a little metal key,

And I'll teach you all to love Spam, said he.

Now we don't know where it comes from and we don't know what it's for,

But we know that it will laqst through a thermonuclear war.

You can eat it in a sandwich, you can tile your bathroom floor.

These are not the only uses hteres about a zillion more for

ch.

sung to the tune of "Lord Of The Dance". No, I didn't write it. I wish I had.

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 12:12 AM

Haha! That's a riot! Little metal key!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:30 AM

My hotdog had puppies, oh what shall I do?
They've gone and turned my house into a zoo
First they run here and next they run there
Please, somebody help get them out of my hair
Oh despair!
Fol the diddle dogs rotty dogs rotty dogs

They sleep on the table when I want to eat
And they loll on my sofa when I want a seat
When I want to walk they quite cover the floor
And when I try to sleep, there's no peace anymore
What a chore!
Fol the diddle dogs rotty dogs rotty dogs

I remember a wish I had when quite small
For a truckload of hotdogs, and I'd eat them all
Well now it seems like that wish has come true
But they don't understand when I tell them to "shoo!"
Tell them "shoo!"
Fol the diddle dogs rotty dogs rotty dogs

Their barking and whining was tiring enough
But now they've got mustard all over my stuff
There's relish and ketchup on my furniture
Oh Heavens, I wish for the past days that were
That there were
Fol the diddle dogs rotty dogs rotty dogs

Life used to happy, but now it's no fun
With the thousands that sprang from my frankfurter bun
There seems no way now to get rid of them all
The dogcatcher man, he won't return my call
Oh the gall!
Fol the diddle dogs rotty dogs rotty dogs

Now listen my friends, take a warning from me
Beware of this sausage from fair Germany
The ones on the bun will give your life a bump
But beware of those Ballparks when they start to plump
Out they jump!
Fol the diddle dogs rotty dogs rotty dogs!


--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:38 AM

Way to go,Mbo!

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:41 AM

Ge, Mbo, that's beautiful! What fine architecture! Fair scansion! Graceful rhythms! And finely flaired imaginings! This is a real weiner! It really rolls -- I don't think I'll ever catsup, to be frank.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:56 AM

Yeah, Mbo, what Amos said . . . That's my boy! Well done, everyone!

I'm keeping the challenge open today because we've still got to see the triple dawg dare song from Praise, and kat and MMario (and the other occassional challengers) haven't entered yet. ***GO CHALLENGE!RS GO***

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:05 AM

Food of You

(Al Jolson enters stage right.  Violins set a tone of subdued yearning)

Is that sauce
On your thigh?
Are your cupfuls really that high?
Oh, I'd like to make food
Of you,

We are here,
Just to  spoon
On a summer sheet, under the moon
And I'd like to make food
Of you!

I don't know if it needs  pepper
Or if a little oil would do!
With a small
Dose of heat
Comes the fragrance of simmering meat
And we both come completely
Unglued!

And I'd like to make food
Of you!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:18 AM

Here's the promised "l'hommage au Spam" -- and a little bit of "hommage" to Mommy and Daddy, too.

Bring That Big Ole Can Of Spam Home, Dad
(Tune: In Them Ole Cotton Fields Back Home)

When I was a little bitty baby,
My daddy would work from morn to night,
Settin' type at the Dallas News downtown.
When the bills took all his check,
And no food left, what the heck,
Bring that big ole can of Spam home, Dad!

Chorus:
Well, Mom would fry it, bake it, dice it,
She knew sixty ways to slice it,
Bring that big ole can of Spam home, Dad!
In macaroni or on the griddle,
Served up raw or fried up brittle,
Bring that big ole can of Spam home, Dad!

There was two pairs of shoes a year,
No more than that, they were too dear,
In those days so long ago.
Brown eggs instead of white,
No store-bought clothes that fit just right,
Bring that big ole can of Spam home, Dad!

Chorus

I never knew no wall-to-wall,
Black dial phone sittin' in the hall,
Grey Packard parked in the drive outside.
Collectin' bottles to sell for cash,
Buyin' potatoes for Mom to mash,
Bring that big ole can of Spam home, Dad!

Chorus

Never had no washer or dryer,
Momma worked hard, how it would tire her,
Hanging all those wet clothes on the line.
Knew all the neighbors by their name,
Being poor it weren't no shame,
Bring that big ole can of Spam home, Dad!

Chorus


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:20 AM

Darn you Amos! Thats one of the songs I sing in our dance band. Now I'll never be able to sing it again without thinking of YOUR version. It's going to be very hard to keep from laughing.

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:25 AM

How romantic, Amos! Very nice, indeed!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:26 AM

Just imagine the audience naked, Troll..it'll keep ya a smolin' troll!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:29 AM

Áine:

That's a keeper, all right! Nice work!

I can see that old Packard full of Spam now.

Pure Dolly P, but with a curve or two of your own, so to speak. I like it!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:33 AM

Thank you, Amos. Maybe why Miss Dolly's songs about her childhood are so popular is because they're true, just like my song.

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:36 AM

And you both turned out world-class, me duck. Absolutely world-class!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Micca
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 09:49 AM

i wrote this song last year and was thinking about sending it to the songbook but here is a golden opportunity too good to miss.NB Splot is a suburb of cardiff in Wales Triflre is a cold dessert madef rom jello and sponge and topped with cream or in this case custard.
Ghost Custard
by Micca

Tune- Ghost Riders in the sky
Its Saturday at tea time in a little house in Splot
Young Bert is in the bathroom preparing to go out
He's got a heavy date on tonight to go see
A film with Mavis Baxter who lives next-door but three.
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie oh seduction in South Wales

He is seventeen, and randy and knows a thing or two
He knows that girls like clean clothes and smell and freshness too
So he has showered and shaved and aftershave splashed on
For randy Mavis Baxter who he'll seduce ere long.
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie oh he's hoping to get laid

Now Bert he hasn't dressed yet he's standing in the nude
He's standing there admiring his parts that are so rude
He doesn't seem know or care, that there's a little flare
Of aftershave going southwards towards his pubic hair
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie oh careless young Bert beware

At first a warm sensation spreads around his crutch
It's just a pleasant warming that doesn't count for much
It rises to horrendous pain like his part were all on fire
A burning sharp sensation like being brushed with strands of wire
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie oh bert with his pubes on fire

He knows the house is empty so naked, near insane
He heads for kitchen fridge to try to ease the pain
And When he opens up the door then all he can see
Is the trifle made by mother for family Sunday tea
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie oh cold trifle in South Wales

With the terrible sensation he's nearly lost his mind
And that there Sunday trifle is all that he can find
Its any port in a storm he thinks I don't want my gear busted
So the bowls out on the table and in he's plunged it in the custard
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie o-oh relief is hard to find

As the pain slowly begins to fade he glances up to see
That in has walked his mother who is looking quizic'ly
She said "I've led a sheltered life and don't know much of men
But I never knew that, that was how you filled them up again"
Yipppy yie ay yippiy yie oh confusion in South Wales


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 10:04 AM

Another award winner from our own dear, twisted Micca! Much more appropos than fruit pie! Pardon me while I wipe the tears from my eyes . . . you're a hoot, dear Micca!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 10:23 AM

Ick ick ick!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 10:34 AM

Yeeeeeehaaaa! A Fountain Pen theory of Pickle Rejuvenation! I love it, Micca!

Ce qui savent touts les hommes:
Il faut toujours remplir, remplir!
Mais pour les femmes, n'en disent rien;
Mieux que ce soit toujours mystere!

(Traduction d'l'apache:)

That which all men know:
You must always refill, refill!
But for the ladies, they say nothing about that;
Better it should remain a mystery!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Hyperabid
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:28 AM

To the tune of "song for the asking"

This is my cheese - for the melting Melt me and I will stay On your grill pan half your life

(Guitar bit)

Cornershop pizza - like the real thing Close your eyes - you're in Rome I wonder at my lack of friends

(Guitar bit)

Thinkin' it over I'm a bit sad Thinkin' it over I might be mad To eat this stuff - for my supper Ask me why I don't know My cholesterol is sky high

(Guitar bit fading to sounds of heart attack)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Praiseatworkbutsoontobehomewheretherearecook
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 12:36 PM

Publisher's Clearinghouse says, "Open now, you may already be a wiener."


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 01:30 PM

wonnerful sduff peebul. I am todaly sduvved ub with dis cold and was lavving so hard I almosd chog-ed!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 01:42 PM

Frankly, this thread is going to the dogs, he said chillily.

And we used to be so red hot!

We haven't even mustard enough weiners to keep us out of the dog house. And I have enough trouble filling my own roll, fending off krauts and tending to the sauerbratten around here! I don't think we'll ever ketchup. All because I let you talk me into going in for the ball game...(Sigh...)

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 01:43 PM

OK, I wrote a terrific song for this thread, but the computer locked up and I had to turn it off. My God, what a loss to mankind. Maybe I'll remember it and try to repost it, damn it.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 01:48 PM

LEJ, this is unacceptable!!! That's why people buy Macs! And also what CTRL+S is for! This is awful!! I refuse to be denied an LEJ original because of some damn WinDoze glitch! You recover that file!

A

And save early and often from now on.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 02:27 PM

Well it had to become two songs. One is nearly done. This one's just half-baked. Remember you asked for it. personally I think a singing cookbook is a mistake not to be perpetrated, because if I take your stuff into my kitchen I will laugh so hard I'll puke.

Here's the first one. And I want to see results!

Tune: Built for Comfort

BUILT FOR FLAVOR
by Praise, in loving tribute to her man, Hardiman the Fiddler

Some folks do like this,
Some folks do like that.
But the way my man makes hot dogs
Is right where it's at--
Cause they're built for flavor, they ain't built for looks.
If you taste one you'll say, MAN! He really cooks!

First he cooks the dog,
In the regular way.
Then he slices up an onion--
Hey--"Normal!" you say?
But the job it ain't finished, and there's only one way.
If you add peanut butter, YOU can eat these all day.

Ya gotta kill the dog's salt,
And that's a hard thing to do.
In fact it's counter-intuitive baby,
I wouldn't think it would you?
They say it's better than mustard, but now that I don't know.
There's only so far darlin', THIS old girl can go.

See when he brung me that plate
It was dark in the room.
I had smelled it cookin' up and I hoped it'd be soon--
I was dyin' of hunger! And that ain't no lie.
I would eat what he brought, or, curl up an' die.

Now I know it sounds strange--
And I guess it is too!
But the first time that I tasted one, well I didn't reck-anize the goo,
So to me it was normal, just a natural thing.
And you never know, honey, JUST what a man will bring.

So when this girl tells the Mudcat
To make your hot dogs this way,
You should run right out and make you one,
The very same day.
I know you have the ingredients-- every good home do.
Nex' time I gives y'all a recipe, darlin's, DON'T wanna hear you say, "Eeeew!"






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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 02:31 PM

Yes, LeeJ, save early and often, now, for your retirement, then you can rest on your laurels, have your cake and eat it, too, just recycling all those old postings!

Micca! What imagery!! And, what a "cool" mother! I am LMAOWROTF!!! I love it!!!

Montee, the Pasta Dog (tune of On Top of Spaghetti)

On top of my pasta
My dog has drooled
He cannot help it
It's his favourite food.

He'll wear a nice bib
And, sit like a prince
But if I don't hurry
He'll talk and I'll wince.

He swears like a trooper
Much worse than the kids
He'll cuss me out loudly
For he's got first dibs.

He won't eat it plain now
It has to have sauce
And, "shake cheese" parmesan
All over the top.

Then all clear is sounded
He moves in to "kill"
Gawd save man and critter
Who doesn't know the drill.

Oh, when he is finished
The bowl is licked clean
No incriminating evidence
Will ever be seen.

Now, if you see Montee
My Pasta Dog of yore
You'll know he's in heaven
Eating pasta galore!

RIP, Montee, who passed on just about a year ago and really was VERY vocal!

katlaughing


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:00 PM

You gals are really cooking! And on-call, at that! Does that make you call-cooks?

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:04 PM

Oh God. Help me stop.



No pertickler tune. Somebody pick one that fits so I can do chords.

HOW THE SALTY DOG GOT THAT WAY
by Hardiman the Fiddler's "Best Wife"

Ever since he was a puppy
He has made the evening meal.
First his parents then his children,
Even parishioners. (They squeal.)
Just because he is a good man,
And always tries to do what's right,
You used to find him in the kitchen
Nearly every single night.

But when we two got married,
Even though he's the better cook,
I sat him down by my side one night,
And I said, "Now honey, look.
We have got to split our gender roles
Back to where they oughta be!
We are no longer single parents.
How 'bout if I cook and clean?

"And I'll be your daughter's mama,
You be your new step-son's pa.
While you visit the dead at the hospital,
I'll chauffeur to the mall."
(We'd both been real good parents,
Despite what our kids may say.
We just got tired of doing it all
In that single-parent way.)

He gradually learned to trust me
Not to dent his pots and pans.
I found I liked doing the laundry
And taking off the pants.
He started wearing mink to bed,
(Don't knock it, it's a thrill.)
I found that many things "I won't!"
Somehow became, "I will!"

But still the kids were cryin'
For some good old daddy food.
So every once in a great long while,
Why not? Gourmet is good.
Till came the night they told me
What (as campers) they had done:
They'd bring home leftover unopened Spam
And they didn't put it on a bun.

No, cooking lessons die too hard
Even when the cupboard is bare.
And when you're too damn tired to go to the store,
Spam, stir-fried, is pretty fair.
If you apply the lessons life has brought,
You know just what to do.
You make Thai stir fry (add peanut sauce),
Without a second thought.

After all, everything is eaten
In those places I can't spell.
And if Filipinos cruise for stray dogs
As our good friend Dio tells,
Why not use your best cooking skills
To make a Treet beyond compare?
A multitude of sins are covered
Which would otherwise lay bare.

Well now you know how our house is,
And I hope you understand.
We only stir-fry Spam occasionally,
But when we do, it's grand.
Now his latest enthusiasm
(Culinarially I mean),
Is Rogan Josh and Vindaloo
With beef. And always lean.

So if you get an invite
To drop in at Lake Champlain,
Around the spring of 20-ought-one,
You better not complain.
For if you leave the cooking
To Hardiman and Praise,
We promise there'll be more than Spam
Sitting at your place.

Cuz when we're really camping,
It's a normal sort of thing
To fire a dutch oven (or two) of duck,
Or any meat you bring.
Don't worry, dears, Spam's back home
Awaiting our return.
We'd never give such great stuff to YOU!
Besides, you'd get heartburn.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:49 PM

Dang, Praise, that is loverly! What a multi-talented package the Ol' Fiddler bought into!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM

Wunnerful, Wunnerful, Wunnerful, dear Praise!! I think you'll be happy with the 'results'!

OK, guys, with the last installment from Praise there, we are at 19 songs for the Challenge! -- I'll leave this one open until Lonesome EJ either retypes his song in or rescues it from the hard drive . . . then, I'll post the awards and we'll move on to the next Challenge!

Thanks to everyone for your songs and the fun! You guys are the BEST - no doubt about it!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM

Folks, I'm sitting here in the Art Media Center (Art Library) at ECU, and I SMELL HOTDOGS! Really! I don't know where it's coming from, but I am a HotDog Bloodhound, and can smell 'em from miles away--now who would be cooking HD's up here? Hmm...the metal shop's next door--maybe they're blow torching some? Then again maybe it's these computers--this room is like 30 degrees hotter than it is outside. Yikes--Macs put out more heat than anonymous posters! Mmmm...haven't had a hotdog in a while...

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:04 PM


^ ^
. .
|
\_/
^


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:09 PM

Priase,

Um...about the ASCII art...are those eyebrows at the top, or C- cups>? Just so I know how to intepret the rest of it.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:14 PM

More like this: ^ ^
O | O
|
<__
"""""" O


--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:17 PM

MBO, that looks like an integrated circuit board without the integrated!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:19 PM

WHOA! Picasso does ASCII! Yes!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:25 PM

Amos. You know quite well I will not take responsibility for your interpretation. If you're going to call it ashcan art I can only pray for you, and I was doing that anyway. I am a pastor's wife after all and I have my dignity, I hope.

Nope... it seems to be missing....


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:30 PM

hmmmm......that reminds me of a little ditty by Brian Leo of "Molly and the Tinker" --- Does nayone besides me know "Virtue"?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:53 PM

I expect "Virtue" is pretty well unknown in this hyar jungle, MM...why not introduce the concept?

Oh, Praise,

Thank you kindly for yourprayers...I am sure they are doing me a world of good. Just not sure which, but all in due course. I return you your dignity, madam, unharmed for its brief sojourn.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:06 PM

Leftoverture

With Hunger was I overcome, until I had the Jitters
'Twas then I ventured to the Fridge, in search of Apple Fritters
Alas, a scamp had bested me (may some vile blackguard slap her)
The fritters all had been purloined, leaving naught but an empty wrapper!

A Sandwiche, thought I, might suffice- with Cheese, Bread and Baloney..
But woe, the Lunchmeat greenish was, the Cheddar stale and stoney!
I was beside myself by now, like Milli and Vanilli
When I found, beneath the Butter dish, a Half a Bowl of Chili!
My eyes were filled with grateful tears, a Prayer of Thanks I gave,
And, putting on a lid, I slid it in the microwave.

Oh Bowl of Chili! Chili Mine! Thou makest me warm and dreamy.
Nestled in thy stoneware bowl, so Spicy and so Steamy!
Let She who made Thee hear my Hymn, ringing out so tuneful,
For I shall sing thy praise sublime, until the Final Spoonful !


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:08 PM

LEJ Done it Again!!! Oyez, Oyez!! LOL!!


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Subject: Lyr Add: VIRTUE (Brian Leo)
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:11 PM

okay - this is third person, becuase that's how I sing it - though Diane and Brian do it with Diane singing first person. and I know that Brian would prefer that you mention where you got it if at all possible when you sing it, as this is one that people are beginnning to consider "traditional" and it is his copyright.

VIRTUE (Brian Leo)

She's looked along the highways and she's looked among the trees
She's looked through every hither and yon, and blistered both her knees
She even went to chapel, and looked under every pew
But it's surely gone, bejesus, and she don't know what to do!

Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Her mother says a good girl keeps it tight between her thighs
But never-the-less it has no colour, shape, or even size.
She looked and looked for hours there, but it's nowhere to be found.
So it seems she must have dropped it, and it's somewhere here around


Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Her father says it's precious and to guard it with her life
to save it up and give it away to the man who'll call her wife
He says she mustn't sell it, thats a mortal sin they say
so that now that she has lost it, surely there'll be hell to pay!

Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Now darlin' tom the miller's son, her special friend is he,
he listened to her woeful tale, with heartfelt sympathy
he says he'll help her find it, if she'll meet him by the brook
for he has a special took, says he,
that knows just where to look!
Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:11 PM

Alas, I hath blown the Second Stanza! Should have been

".... the Cheddar stale and stoney
Something hard and brown was found in a Tupperware container
This I discarded in the Sinke, where it hung up in the Drainer."

and hence on to "I was beside myself by now..."

LEJ


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:30 PM

LEJ, you're too good for words.

But let me say quickly and without offense that "hath" is 3rd person singular. First person is "have" even in Elizabethan. Or "ha'".

I love your rhymin' rhythms man. You scan bigtime.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:50 PM

Thanks indeed. However, you hath your nerve correcting me.:)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:54 PM

Hath I indeed. Then, since you choose to be shirty about it, I shall hathaway. ("Well, you won't Hathaway with me!", she replied shirtily, and cuffed him for his trouble right on the button. Just goes to show that a girl isn't always what she seams, no matter what the boy-os collar.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 06:26 PM

I don't need a bed of lettuce
Cause lettuce withers away
What I need is some onion seed
And someone with strong pots
And gentle pans
To bake me like a ham.


--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 06:48 PM

**************SONG CHALLENGE! WINNERS*****************

Read 'em and weep, y'all! Thanks to all the returning Challenge!rs and all you rookies -- You've managed to set a brandnew world record for the Mudcat SONG CHALLENGE! - 20 SONGS -- the most ever composed for a single challenge!! With no more adue, here are the awards:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award:
Spam by Barky
This Is My Cheese by Hyperabid
You're Making Me Hungry!! by Callie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
Built For Flavor by Praise
Food Of You by Amos
How The Salty Dog Got That Way by Hardiman the Fiddler's "Best Wife" (a/k/a Praise)
I Draw The Line by Troll
Montee, The Pasta Dog by katlaughing
My Hotdog Had Puppies by Mbo
Oh Bulgur! by Mbo
The Day My Ice Cream Fell by Jeri
Today The Chocolate Left Me Brown by Callie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Ghost Custard by Micca
Leftoverture by Lonesome EJ

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
Mother Hubbard's Blues by McGrath of Harlow
Po' Food Blues by Praise
Sub-Chef Food Poisoning Blues by Amos
The SPAM Blues by Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 07:55 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 07:55 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:54 PM

One day I'm a-gonna get me another one of those Harp Ribbons--but I don't think I have a dirty enough mind.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM

YAY! I actually got somethig... no... two things!, on my first try! I'm so proud of myself. And, Mbo? I'm sure you have a dirty enough mind, just haven't gotten to those depths yet. =0)

~Barky


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:36 PM

Ahh...I don't know..I'm not into the bawdy stuff. I like cleverly funny stuff better, but sometimes that tends to confuse people--like chemistry jokes--"Introducing Ethyl and The Ketones! They're your basic group...here to sing their song 'The Double Bond!' Yahoo!" Oh well...at least it isn't jokes about quantum physics!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:40 PM

WOWSERS! With a shamrock cluster yet!

I'd like to thank all those( Amos,MMario, Bert and others too numerous to mention)whose work inspired me to try writing again after a long dry spell. Thanks to you all.Writing is the most fun you can have sittin' down with all your clothes on.

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 05:44 AM

Well done to all the winners but there is no time to rest.

I have the ULTIMATE callenge write here Write the UNI-VERSE


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 05:47 AM

OOPS!

Write the UNI-VERSE


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 05:51 AM

Write the UNI-VERSE Again.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Micca
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 06:12 AM

I have got me an award that will have pride of place on my Mantle, with Harp ribbons yet, will look good on my resume as well, Chemistry , Biochemistry and writing rude songs... what more sould you ask.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 09:12 AM

Troll --

You write with your clothes ON?

So where do you get your inspiration?

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 09:50 AM

Not from MY body! Thats fer DANGED sure.

troll


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Hyperabid
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 04:33 AM

Hmm a cow chip?

Is that what we in the UK would call a pattie on the backie?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 06:34 AM

If it's found in a field with cows and is round, brown, stinky and sends up steam in the morning air, we're talking about the same thing there, Hyperabid! Although, in the 'Chip' form, it is a rare thing indeed; capable of being burned for fuel OR being tossed like a frisbie at sports events.

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Hyperabid
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 07:00 AM

In which case I am truly honoured

Hyp


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:31 AM

Nettle champ is a simple dish. First pluck the young leaves of stinging nettles - enough to fill a bucket. Boil them in milk for 15-20 minutes. Make sure they remain covered in milk at all times. At the same time boil a big saucepan full of spuds. When the spuds are cooked to perfection add the nettles and the milk in which the nettles have boiled and mash to a very fine consistency. Serve as a large dollop - make a "crater" in top of the dollop and lob in a huge knob of butter. (TIP : If you've not made nettle champ before, add the nettles to the spuds before adding the milk. Then add the milk a little at a time. The intention is to aim for a soft, NOT sloppy consistency! And make sure you BOIL the nettles. This denatures the sting.)

NETTLE CHAMP (to the tune of "The Man From Mullingar"
You may sing and shout and boast about your souffles and your flans
Your kormas and your ragouts and your fancy coq-au-vins
I've tried them all as 'round this world my weary way I've tramped
But there's not a dish could hold a light to a bowl of nettle champ

CHORUS
Forget about your lobster and your salmon
Your sirloin, t-bone, rack of ribs and gammon
No masterchef's invention could ever hold a lamp
To a knob of butter melting in a bowl of nettle champ

I nibbled on a truffle once, I wasn't much impressed
Likewise some Russian caviar, a little bit to test
Some venison on which I'm told the chef had placed his stamp
But they only made me hanker for a bowl of nettle champ

CHORUS

Well it's true that I'm no gastronome, I like my cooking plain
Sauces, gravies, coulis are served to me in vain
I don't need sprigs of parsley placed so as to vamp
Up the simple presentation of me bowl of nettle champ


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM

Lemme get this straight... you EAT nettles. And you LIKE them. (And Mmario says I'M the one with a twisted mind...)

Then again, I shouldn't knock 'em till I've tried 'em. After all, I DO eat artichokes, and I like THEM... (steamed, with lemon butter! Yum!)

Is "champ" pronounced like it appears to be (short for "champion"), or like "camp"? Or "chomp"? Or "comp"?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:56 AM

boiled their not bad...I mean - he could be eating skunk cabbage.

Milkweed buds aren't bad, much better then the young pods.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 12:19 PM

DROOLING
(tune: Green Acres Theme Song)

Car-bo-hydrates are the thing I crave
High Protien diet's just depraved
Lobster and bacon may just suit you fine
But I would kill for Pasta with some wine!

Wheat bread is what I want to chew
I want some rice, and 'taters too!
What good is it when I lose weight
If my cravings I can never slake?

Hot Toast!
Beef Roast!
Pancakes!
fresh Hake!

This is my diet! Stomach, be QUIET!
Fat cells, you're out of here!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 06:09 PM

(Note to Self: Never read song entries for Song Challenge! Part 9 on an empty stomach . . .)

Here you go, guys. You all just keep amazin' me!!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Drooling by Mmario
Nettle Champ by derrymacash


-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:51 PM

Chips and Malt Vinegar

Since I've arrived here in the South
I've put lots of strange things in my mouth
Chitlins, grits and collards too
But there's one thing missing I'm telling you.

{soc}
Chips and malt vinegar is the only way to go
I ate 'em the other day when I was in Chicago
Can't get 'em in Georgia, but I gotta say
Chips and malt vinegar is the only way
{soc}

Chips here are those crunchy things
that come in plastic bags
But when they're served in Restaurants
It makes my finger wag

The best ones they are twice fried
and servered in paper cups
Smothered in malt vinegar
yeah eat those frenchies up

{chorus}

This town really needs a chip stand
If you know what I mean
barbecue and Waffle House
Are the only scene

Twice fried potatoes
Covered up with malt
Put a stand on main street
Make that traffic halt


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,nerd
Date: 14 Apr 05 - 03:10 PM

i want to hear printmaking jokes!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: rich-joy
Date: 30 Oct 05 - 12:02 AM

Thanks for the reference to this thread, Amos - lotsa larfs! - not come across these before!!!


Cheers! R-J

printmaking jokes/songs, eh Nerd - bit of a challenge, I'd say?


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