Song Challenge! Part 12

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 01:57 PM

Since we all had such fun being 'animals' about ladies underwear in Song Challenge! Part 11, I thought this would be appropos this time. The Challenge: The Norwegian Moose And His Road Rage

OSLO, Norway -- Raymond Johansen isn't sure what to say on his insurance claim after a moose walked across his car and kicked in its windshield this weekend. Johansen and his girlfriend, Kristen, were driving home when they stopped for a moose on the highway. They thought they'd avoided a potentially deadly collision with the moose, which weighted about 400 kilograms (880 pounds); but, no such luck. Johansen recalled shouting "this can't be" when the moose walked across the car's hood and one of its feet came crashing through the windshield. Neither the couple nor the moose was injured. He said the moose may have been enraged by the bright lights of the car.

******* Have fun and GO FOR IT CHALLENGE!RS********

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:02 PM

Angry meese? Acid rain? Blowing possums in the wind? Global warming? Floods in Africa? What is the world coming to?

Geeze, Áine, if we have to immortalize every damned oddity in the world we'll go broke!!! :>) Anyway, I'm not posting first on this one. I'm gonna wait for LEJ and plagiarize him!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Bert
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:03 PM

Oh no! NOT another one. I haven't caught up with the last two (or is it three) yet. It usually takes me a month or so to write a song. Quality is suffering in an effort to keep to this hectic schedule? ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:12 PM

Áine is suffering from executive syndrome -- it only takes seconds to give an order, even if it takes hours of blood and sweat to fulfill it...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Osmium
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:18 PM

Bert you have my every sympathy; like no-way norway or nil-point norway! But when you've been there you'll love it. Just be nice to Mooses.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:18 PM

. . . it takes hours of blood and sweat to fulfill it . . .

This from the man who only took 58 minutes to write a song about panties???????

And I'll remind you that it was a certain sad-eyed poet that requested another challenge PDQ.

Hmmmpphh! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:45 PM

Actually, it took less than that -- I got in late that morning...CLAAANNNNK!!!...ooops -- sorry, i moved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:47 PM

And MBo is on a four-year loaf on someone else's dough, so never mind about what he needs to keep his fertile mind busy. But it is related to panties in a hidden sort of way...and I have to stop elevating my discourse around here...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:48 PM

And it's MOOSE! MOOSE! I want... never mind.

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:51 PM

Well, Troll, they do say no MOOSE is good MOOSE. Would that be chocolate or strawberry?

Maybe a Roddy MCorley number, about having a moose around your neck...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Osmium
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:51 PM

NB "rent-a-wreck" are car hire firm who rent very cheaply old cars that have to be treated with caution based just outside Oslo.

Raymond and Kirsten went down the lonely road
Along the fjiords of Norway to lift the overload
To reduce from all the stresses
And escape the modern messes
That life in Oslo City can fill with woe.

But all was set fair, for this perfect pair
As the "rent-a-wreck" sped on its way
Along narrow lanes
Through cavernous caves
And down steep sided rocky escarpments

Then Kirsten said There!; Raymond said Where?
And then wished that he hadn't asked
For a Moose with an arse
The size of a mountain of brass
landed right on the bonnet; fair n'square

Well shaken by this, and a little bit pissed
This loving couple did return
And "Rent-a-Wreck" said
Well thanks for the Moose, it'll make agreat roast
And its worth a lot more than the car

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 03:04 PM

Osmium!!!! First over the wire!!! And laughing all the way to the web page!!! LOL!! Good job.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Bert
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 03:14 PM

I see it's only the quality of MY stuff that's suffering.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM

To the tune of "The Faithful Sailor Boy" (and borrowing heavily)

'Twas on a dark and stormy night
As we drove out of town
I headed out along the fjord
My sweetheart by my side
When all at once, dead in the glare,
There were two shining eyes
What could it be, my love, she cried
Here by the waterside?

Farewell, farewell, my own true love
I fear that we shall die
For now I see against the night
A shadow of huge size
With antlers high, into the sky
So fire bright its eyes
That's how we learned, 'twas running loose
The monster of Loch Moose!

Staight at us then, the monster came
Large as a steaming train
With feet the size of wagon wheels
and monstrous hairy frame
We froze in fear, we couldn't move
we waited, lost in dread
And as it to us closer came, this is what I said

Farewell, farewell, my own true love
I fear that we shall die
For now I see against the night
A shadow of huge size
With antlers high, into the sky
So fire bright its eyes
That's how we learned, 'twas running loose
The monster of Loch Moose!

And thou' we stopped, in dreadful fear
and shivered in the road
That moose came on, and calmly stepped
Upon the carriage he strode
Beneath his hooves, things broke and crushed
Yet he came steady on
Then turned and as he left, I swear
Upon his face a yawn.
Farewell, farewell, my own true love
I fear that we shall die
For now I see against the night
A shadow of huge size
With antlers high, into the sky
So fire bright its eyes
That's how we learned, 'twas running loose
The monster of Loch Moose!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:29 PM

Wow! What a wonderful start, Osmium and MMario!! The rest of these yahoos are really gonna have to work hard to top you guys!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:32 PM

I'm sorry -- CLANK!---I was having a press conference...did someone mention Yahoo? Or have I given some offense to Thy Divinitrixhood? (muted suppressed snarl deleted...yahoos, indeed...after all I've done to support your campaign for Infinite Grace, too!)CLANK! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:34 PM

MarioMa_man_! That was absolutely beautiful! Complete, well rounded, funny as hell and musically exquisite!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:35 PM

a...you "working hard" or "working out" hard....sounds like your tossing weights around

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:38 PM

Hey there, Mr. Huevos,

Be glad I said 'yahoos' -- I could have said 'hahnyahks'!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Osmium
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:38 PM

I know when I'm beat - great stuff MMario

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:41 PM

Oh, I see where my offense lay -- it was in my response CLANNNK!!! to yer remark about little medals, I think ... y'know, my dear Goddess, whom I love like life itself, I have never doubted your ability to dish it out when the need arose... hmmm.... but...CLANNNK!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:50 PM

MM:
The clanking is attributable to an attribute I share with a certain goose, reported to produce ovarian fruit of little flavor but inestimable value...much like yours truly... :>) CLANK!

But I think TGG missed the connection with the goose...probably out of practice?

See Challenge 11 thread for clarification. :>)

Great song!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:58 PM

you are the goose that laid the barnecle?

that can't be right.....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 05:06 PM

Well these h$#%^^^ds came from somewhere, mate...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 05:41 PM

My daughter does this to me...in fact I taught it to her..the Deep Silence torture. But I can stand it...[clank]...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:06 PM

Bullwinkle's Revenge

A wild and mighty moose am I
I weigh nine hundred pounds
And all wise creatures give me room
When I make my nightly rounds.
I'm heedless of all rough terrain
Of river, crag and boulder
Even bears will hide, for I
Stand six feet at the shoulder!

Imagine, then, my own chagrin
As I crossed the Oslo Highway
To see this slob as he drove his Saab
With sheer abandon, my way!
Now nothing makes me deviate
From a path I set my sights on
But this scared little guy and his frightened bride
Just sat there with their lights on!

Now a moose like me can stand a lot
My calmness is surprising
But the car sat there, and the people stared
And I felt my temper rising.
I thought "how good to use his hood as my own personal ramp!"
So over the bumper and through the glass
I then began to tramp.

I crossed at last, breaking all his glass
And his cool Norwegian bearing
As the Saab disappeared, my ears were cheered
By the sound of distant swearing.
So if, some night, in a glow of light
You meet a moose out on the street
Don't stare and curse, put in in reverse
Or feel the Fury of his Feet!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:07 PM

OK, Huevos Rancheros, here ya go:

There Is A Thing In Norway Land
(Tune: House Of The Rising Sun)

There is a thing in Norway land
They call the Road Rage Moose
If you stop, you'll find him starin' you down
On your hood he'll plant his caboose

Well, Mr. J and his Lady K
Ther was home on enight were headin'
They saw a flash, then heard a crash
A monster in the gloamin'

One foot, it came down on the hood
Another on the roof
The third went right straight into Lady K's lap
The fourth got stuck in the boot

Mr. J was shakin' in his anorak
Lady K was white as a sheet
No encounter with ghosts or aliens
Their tale that night could beat

Well, Mr. J went to the insurance man
To get those moose holes fixed
When he told his tale to the agent there
His policy the company nixed

(slide guitar break here)

And Lady K, she is gone as well
Flown off to Amerikay
But Mr. J just sits and thinks
'Bout big moose burgers all day

There is a thing in Norway land
They call the Road Rage Moose
If you stop, you'll find him starin' you down
On your hood he'll plant his caboose

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:10 PM

All right, LEJ!!! Whoooo! Ring that bell!!

I see, belatedly, that my daughter retyped the second line in the second verse. Here's how it should read:

Well, Mr. J and his Lady K
Their way home one night were headin'
They saw a flash, then heard a crash
A monster in the gloamin'

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:17 PM

You guys are --- moosemeisters!!!. I am in awe, just in awe. LEJ, "with sheer abandon, my way!" as a couple with highway is...what can I say...inspired.

I gotta say, I think I will have to retire now. I am being shown up by these younger guys, now they got their dander up...my wind ain't what 't once was...and my rhubitis is flaring up... :>))

Very, very, very well done to you all. Wow...what a contest...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:38 PM

 
Sad Ballad of the Norseman Who Wouldn't Drive

Well, Kristin and Raymond were lovers
Lord, how they put it forth,
They fell in love up in Norway
Way up in the frozen north
 

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well Kristen and Raymond got married
Out on the marryin' ground
In a little woodside chapel
Forty miles outside of Oslo town,

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

She told her man how she loved him,
In their little VW that night,
And he told her that he loved her too,
An' everything would be right

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well, the ground it started to tremble
The tarmac started to shake
A giant form stepped out of the gloom,
And Raymond slammed on his brakes

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well, Raymond he could not explain it,
He couldn't think of a trick,
Was a big bull moose, and he had no excuse,
He just froze right up at the stick.

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well the moose tramped right  through the  windsheild
Hotter than a thirty-eight
Well he stuck his nose into Kristin's clothes
And asked her for a date!

He weren't  her man!
He was doing  her wrong
 

Now, Kristin she screamed and she fainted,
And wet her brand new underwear,
And the moose just shrugged and got offa that bug,
He could see there weren't no action there!

He weren't no man
He was built all  wrong!

The marriage broke up 'cuz of trauma,
And Kristin turned nasty and terse,
And Raymond moans and cries all night
"Why didn't I hit reverse?!!"

I was her man
But I did her  wrong
 

 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:43 PM

Well, pick me up off the floor! That's a hoot, Amos! I'm just amazed that you could hear the tune with all that clanking . . . *BOG* Well done, my little huevos honey!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:46 PM

Well, sweet lambie, I'll stop clanking if you'll stop making remarks about wee medals...after all, I don't call you sourpuss, now do I? C'mooon!!! ;>))

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:55 PM

Yeah Amos, I know all about Deep Silence. Hmm..wasn't that Deep Thought's brother in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy? BTW it's not a 4-year loaf on someone else's dough really...it's a 2 year (I'm a transfer student) work-fest on govenment & my own money. Yet somehow I manage to write for Song Challenge!s...

I was traipsin' in Oslo on my ungulate feet
When some folks stopped their car to let me cross the street
They said "Move it on over!
Move it on over!
Move over big rack cause the Cadillac's movin in!"

Well they flashed their beamers to make me go
But those lights they drive me bonkers, you know
I started to move it on over
Galumph it on over
Stride it on over, oh those things are blinding me!

So I got mad and I started to grunt
I showed them up for pulling that stunt
Moose it on over
Moose it on over
Better run for cover cause the big bull's moving in!

The folks in the car they screetched and squealed
When I put my hoof through their winshield
Move it on over
Hoof it on over
I moved it on over right across those morons' hood!

A few minutes later the cops got there
But all they could do was laugh and stare
I moved it on over
Jived it on over
So now they'll think again when they flash those things at me!!


Amos, Barky--check yer emails--there's a surprise there! And the rest of you folks wait till the Radio show tommorrow!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 07:02 PM

man, Mbo, that is a fine piece of rhythm and rhyme! One of your best yet!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:18 PM

Gee...Áine is so quiet....I hope she got over that pit of Fique okay....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:31 PM

Yeah, no congratulations of nothing! And where's Seargeant Troll at? I'm looking forward to his take on all this!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:32 PM

Okay...if Mbo can do Hank Williams tunes, I can do Johnny Cash, right?

KILLER MOOSE BLUES
(Sung to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues)

Hear that moose a'runnin'
He's slidin' 'round the bend,
He's headin' straight for Raymond
And Kristen, his girlfriend.
Well, he never gave 'em warnin'
He just tore up the road,
And they thought they heard him snortin'
Just before he hit their hood.

CHORUS:
Now he's stuck in Raymond's windshield
With one big horny hoof.
They got a thousand pounds of moose
Flung out across their roof.

When the moose was just a baby,
His mama told him, "Son,
Watch out for nasty autos,
And if you see one, run!"
But he showed her he knew better,
He showed her how it's done.
He stared that car right in the headlights
And then he ran it down.

CHORUS:
Now he's stuck in Raymond's windshield,
With one big horny hoof.
Yeah, they got a thousand pounds of moose
Flung out across their roof.

Well, ol' Raymond he was screamin'
"No, no, this can't be true!"
And Kristen she was sobbin'
Yeah, both of them were blue.
Oh, far from killer mooses,
That's where they want to stay,
Cause their claims man, he is swearin'
For killer mooses they won't pay.

So there... Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:36 PM

Well, Lin, that is a sure hoot! Sounds just like the Man hisself! Nice work!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:45 PM

Thanks, Amos--can't you sorta see him, all in black of course, standing under a tree by the side of the road shaking his head?

Or maybe that was the stranger with the holstered tiple?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:47 PM

Corblimey JT! I do believe I've been plumb BEAT!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:50 PM

I figure I've got last place tied down tight in this one....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:03 AM

That holstered tipple kinda explains that straight-legged walk of his...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:05 AM

Please Amos, it's a tiple. I tipple is something completely different. Unless...he has a holstered tipplestick?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Barky
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:10 AM

Gee... so much can happen while one is at SCHOOL!!!!!! Blimey... I never woulda guessed that you guys lived without my input. =0)~ Oh, BTW, Mbo: Thank you SO MUCH for the song!!! It kicks apples! (ha! Thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?!). Oh, on a second BTW, if anyone wants to fly to San Diego to see my play, I wouldn't mind.... *BG*

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:13 AM

I meant tiple. Ti-ple. I knew that....bodhran-faced tiple...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Barky
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:15 AM

I'm sitting out this one... I can't think of any good tunes to put this one to... Let's just say I'm not... "inspired" enough. *BG*

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:34 AM

Pit of Fique? Pit of Fique? I've got yer Pit of Fique right cher, baby . . .

JL, Mbo -- You guys are rockin'!! Two more great songs to add to the Songbook! Thanks!

And Mr. Huevos -- I was off fixing dinner, practicing my new guitar, calling my big fella at university, and catching one bloody hour of TV -- Pit of Fique, indeed! yea, ya can bite my pit of fique there fella . . . wait a minute, "Pit of Fique" . . . it might work . . . let's see, C, G, Em, D7 . . . no, no, Am, Bsus7, D9 . . . Mmmmmmmm....... he might just have something there . . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:36 AM

OK, ok, fussybritches.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:41 AM

In Norway is living one Marvin the Moose

Whose lately been running around on the loose.

He's made all the newspapers both near and far,

Since Myopic Marvin tried to ravish a car.

Ch. Hootle dang for de di do Hootle dang fol de day

Some loving poor Marvin was starting to crave,

When a grouchy old troll wandered out of his cave

When Marvin ran into him he uttered a curse

Which made Marvin's life take a turn for the worse.

Ch.

He declaimed to the earth and the heavens above,

That the next thing the Moose saw, why he's fall in love,

And with that pronouncement, a chuckle he gave.

Then the troll turned around and went back to his cave.

Ch.

We now go to Raymond and Kristin, his girl,

Who had been to a party, a gay social whirl

The party was o'er and as they drove back home

Poor Marvin the Moose on the roadway did roam.

Ch.

When marv saw the car a great bellow he gave,

To his myopic eyes yonder came his love-slave

He trotted toward it, his head in the air

While Kristin and Raymond both trembled with fear.

Ch.

To his enchanted eyes his true lover there stood.

And he, trying to mount her clambered up on the hood

But to his surprise his true love did not yield,

And one great splayed hoof went right through the windshield.

Ch.

He fell and then Raymond floorboarded the gas

They made their escape then, both he and his lass

While Marvin was left there in utter dispair

Bereft of the lover he thought had been there

Ch.

If you're ever in Norway and outside the town,

Look out for a moose as you're driving around.

That moose could be Marvin out still looking for,

His lost love and he might decide it's your car.

Ch

To the tune, Sweet Betsy From Pike

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:49 AM

LOL, Troll! (Poor old Marvin...life's a bitch sometimes, ya know?)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:51 AM

Way to go, Troll! I'll never think of 'Sweet Betsy' the same way again!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:56 AM

YAY! The Sarge comes through once again! And believe me, Barky lass, it is hard to get by wi'out your inspiration, though your Pop was trying to give me some last night, in your name! Lovable trickster!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 01:19 AM

Meebo me lad, I thankee for the kind words but I gotta tell you. The Navy doesn't have sargents. The Naval term for grade E-4 thru E-9 is petty(from petite)officer. So I was a PO 1st class when I got out over thirty years ago. I am nevertheless flattered that you would call me Sarge. I ahd a lot of respect for the Marine Sargents that I knew.

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 08:58 AM

Troll, you gotta come outta that cave more often! Enchanted meese!!! LOL! Good job, Captain Sergeant PO'd First NavvyBucko Me-Lad...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 09:13 AM

Aha a real source of inspiration or should that be sauce from thread 9.

Be back with something shortly.

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 09:36 AM

Well I think a dark night wilderness trip could only be set to one tune really...

Close Encounters of the Hairy Kind – To the tune of "Hotel California" – The Eagles

On a dark Oslo highway Watching Kristen do her hair Should have kept my eyes on the road (But) I was feeling devil make air Up ahead in the distance There is a turn to the right

(Bridge to next verse)

Don't have a clue what it is hiding What is in store for us both for the night?

So when I turned the corner There was a moose was standing there A real thug of the four-footed world Looked at me with an 'ornery glare

(Bridge to chorus)

I could hear Kristen a screaming from far away When I ring my insurance agent I can guess what he'll say…

(Chorus)

He'll read the claim form and he'll say "Don't take the piss mate" This ain't an of God, this ain't a twist of fate Hell stamp it 'No way!' and he'll say "It's down to you mate… If I were in your shoes… Next time the train, I'd use"

So this beast is just stood there In the beam of my lights I've never seen a moose before That looked more like he really would fight

(Bridge to chorus)

All of sudden my SAAB has some spare ventilation Must be the state of my pants fills her face with such indignation?

(Chorus)

Kristen pinches her nose and she says "Think it's goodbye, dear… It's nothing personal… But it smells in here… You should've have known really love, 'cos though you have a very big car… In your underwear…. There's so little there…"

So now you've heard my story Please take my advice Don't end up a prisoner chum Of moose with lice Keep your eyes on the road mate And with a little luck

(Bridge as in to next verse but to guitar solo)

Your girlfriend might just choose to ignore That your winkie is down on its luck

(Guitar solo to end)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 09:52 AM

Heee hee hee. I can just hear the Eagles singing that moose song, Hyper. What a lot of talent. What a crew.

Geez, Áine really started something here, huh... she should get a round of applause for divine intervention above and beyond the call of duty...as soon as she crawls out of that Pit of Fique...just kidding, dear...yes, dear...no, dear... of course, yes, dear...no,...yes...(fade out in like vein).

CLANGG.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 09:56 AM

Well there some that would say Don Henley was a bit of a moose himself...

;-)

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 10:26 AM

ACK! Sorry about that, Troll! I knew that very well, my being around the Navy as much as The Marines--I must be going stunod--I mixed up the fact that your dad was in the Army--not you. And you can just call my Dad "Top."

--Mbo (ANOTHER good one, Hyp! I love your reworkings of classic rock songs!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 10:38 AM

Cheers m8

I mostly write originals, but it's a tad difficult to communicate the nusic in this forum once you get beyond chord chunking.... So I guess arrangements and adaptations will have to do.

(I've passed Ph.D Chord chunking and am now studying for my masters in twiddling and jangling).

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 10:44 AM

Dear Hyp,

I love it!! As a novice twiddler and jangler, I can really appreciate your efforts *BG*. And I know that we'd all love to hear your chunking thesis anytime, luv.

You all are so great! You really make this place fun -- moose hairs, flying panties, furry ferrets and all!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 10:52 AM

Gawsh!

;-P

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 10:56 AM

Well, didn't Bob Dylan say this was a jingle-jangle world?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 10:59 AM

Moose Breath on Your Collar

You and I were riding home
From an Oslo so-ock hop
You told me you had to pee
Could we make a sto-op
You were gone for much too long!
In the cold and snow!
Finally, I followed you!
How was I to knooow?

Cho:

Moose breath on your collar
Said you'd been untruue
Moosebreath on your collar
Told a tale on youuuu!
You made that big moose holler!
Now, big guy, we're through!
Cuz moose breath on your collar
Told a tale on you!

Guess I interrupted you
Crashing through the pines!
Knowing what you tried to do
Nearly blew my mind!
Man, that moose got even
Windshield smashed right through!
And moose breath on your collar
Told a tale on you!

Cho.

There's a moral somewhere
Before I shut my mouth
I am leaving with the geese
Headin' on back South!
Tell those guys at Allstate
You played fast and loose
And coitus interruptus
Is very hard on moose!

Cho

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:04 AM

Bleah...thanks for that imagery, Amos. It's a good thing I didn't eat breakfast this morning!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:10 AM

Ahh, dear Emmblo...such a delicate critter. Don't worry..."Sheep lie!".

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:11 AM

Oh Amos! Where's my spike heels, rat comb, red lipstick, hairbow and poodle skirt! I'm snapping my fingers, daddy-o . . . so, who's gonna play the standup bass in our new band, eh? I have a couple of ideas of who would look really fab in a white shirt, string tie, black chinos and saddle shoes!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:13 AM

Amos

This is the kind of stuff they put on Jerry Springer!!!

Does the girlfirend kick over her chair and start a fist fight with the moose after the commercial break???

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:13 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I'm looking for my bullet bra and tight angora sweater too . . .

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:18 AM

Well, I do believe I still have the ECU mega-fan outfit from the Mudcat Jukejoint. And even with my buzzed haircut, I somehow got an "Elvis Curl" on my forehead!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:23 AM

Cool, cats -- let's start boppin'. I still have an old tube of Wildroot Cream Oil and a black plastic comb in the closet somewhere -- rockabilly STOMP!

One, two, three, FOAH!
One fo' the money, two for the show!...
Three tuh get ready, now GO CAT, GO!
...(cough, wheeze) ...well, so I'm a little old, so what? You will be too, when you're my age! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:33 AM

Ah Amos..you could be as old as me, if like a crab you could crawl backwards. And if it's some rockabilly yer wantin' I the man you need! BTW didja notice every highschool in the 50's had a big dude named "Moose"? Possible song subject, hmmm?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:42 AM

Well, I never did think very highly of this unidirectional time arrow someone laid down on this neighborhood. Bad design, if you ask me -- obsessed about order or something, every little moment in its own precious little place, neat and laid out in a row -- what an anal retentive! We ought to be able to juggle sequences at a moment of creative will, if you ask me. One way time! What an absurd notion! (Steps through the left wall in a blur of temporal displacement and disappears)...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:44 AM

Aine dear heart, we're not old! We are "Aged to perfection"! Like fine wine or a violin, we just get better with age.I mean, look at Bo Diddley and Chuck Berry; over 60 and still rockin'!

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:48 AM

With theire brand-new time transporter
They though maybe I'd fought to get away
But with all their great inventions
And all their good intentions, here I stay!

THE MUSIC IS REVERSIBLE
BUT TIME IS NOT
TURN BACK TURN BACK TURN BACK...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:51 AM

Hey Troll, it wasn't me that called anybody old -- heck, I actually did own a poodle skirt (red felt with white piping and a cute little black poodle on the front)! 'Course, I was in first grade at the time. And I 'fess up about being the the kid who called into the local radio show in Pineville, LA and requested "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" while Mamaw was taking a nap . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:52 AM

Time is like an ever flowing stream.

But then again so is urine after a night on the beer.

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:58 AM

That sounds familiar, Aine! When my mother was in kindergarten, the teacher asked each kid in the class to sing a song. My Mom sang "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-dot Bikini"! The teacher kinda gave her one of those "umm..Ok" looks!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:35 PM

Amos, just turn your head a little bit, and those peripheral visions will come clear...and never forget, my friend, those two deathless cliches: "There's nothing new under the sun," and "What goes around, comes around." Hey, what's mousse (moose?) except fancy Brylcreem?

Aine (rats! wish I could figure out how to make you "acute"!), you wore your poodle skirt in FIRST GRADE? I think my blue one was circa Freshman year...

But I gotta go with Troll's brave words on this: "aged to perfection": I like it!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:44 PM

But what about "Splish splash I was takin' a bath" or "There's an Ape, on the fire Escape"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:45 PM

Whaddayamean "brave words"! I may be gettin' older but I ain't growin' up! There ain't no future in that! Besides, ya gotta be tough to grow old; it ani't a gig fer sissies!

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 04:50 PM

Troll:

Well, the gods know THAT's the truth--I woulda wimped out long about 35, if I weren't such a stubborn old broad.

And now you've got that danged Jimmy Buffett song going round in my head--"I'm growin' older, but not up...." Arghhhhhhhhh!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 06:52 PM

Well, here ya go, ya panty throwing, ferret pettin', moose stalkin' bunch of crazies -- The Winners CLANK! of this CHALLENGE!. Thank you, thank you, thank you, each and every one of ya -- Well done!!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
Close Encounters of the Hairy Kind by Hyperabid
Moose Breath On Your Collar by Amos
Moose It On Over by Mbo
Myopic Marvin From Oslo by Troll
Sad Ballad of the Norseman Who Wouldn't Drive by Amos
The Monster of Loch Moose by MMario
Untitled by Osmium

Winners of the Golden Cow Ship Award with Harp Ribbon:
Bullwinkle's Revenge by Lonesome EJ

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
Killer Moose Blues by JL in Ozland

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 06:56 PM

Don't close down the Challenge! yet, Aine! I've got another one brewing!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 07:08 PM

OK, my dear Mbo, it'll stay open until you brew!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 07:48 PM

Mbo, that was a George Thorogood song you adapted, right? Aine, Troll, MMario,JL, Hyper, Osmium and Amos thanks for all the grins. Haven't had the grins like that in a long time without having the munchies at the same time.

Mooseburgers to you all,

LEJ

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 07:54 PM

Um..it was actually Hank Williams. Keep the light on for me Aine! It's a internet/music Mudcat night--my song may come in a bit later!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 08:03 PM

OK. I guess old George just covered it. Blush...and I call myself a Hank Williams fan!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:26 PM

I took my girl out, out for a drive
For to get loose, in the Norwegian woods

But we then had to stop
To let a moose cross the black top

I flashed my lights on

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 11:36 PM

I took my girl out, out for a drive
For to get loose, in the Norwegian woods

But we then had to stop
To let a moose cross the black top

I flashed my lights on to get him gone
He jumped on the hood, and then I screamed, like anyone would

He stepped through the windscreen like very thin ice
Millions of glassy shards went every place (cockney accent)

And then when I woke, my car was a joke
I felt like a silly goose, I had been stomped by a Norwegian moose.

Ok, so it's really bad. But it's 11:30pm here, and my mind is drained. Ignore it if it ain't up to snuff.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 03:25 AM

Wow, Aine! Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield!! I have tears in my eyes, uh, I'm all choked up, uh...

It will be proudly displayed on my virtual mantel! Thank you!

And congrats, all you guys--that was a real tour de farce.

But Aine--you forgot to list your own winner!

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 04:12 AM

To be sure I'm grateful for the Shamrock Cluster Aine

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 08:30 AM

HELP!! I need more Song Challenge!s! Somebody please relieve the tedium of Thurday morning bore-o-threads!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 08:56 AM

Mbo

Now you chill, man, chill. Makelike Pete Seeger and split some timber.

You know I cannot walk away from one of those durn song challenges, and I can't go on dropping everything to tap the well. My Muse is acting suspicious :>).

Well, actually, not, but please stop provoking her! I'm gonna have to quit my job, just to keep up, and this is a hobby, not a profession. Just ask Rick.

Love you guys,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 09:12 AM

*********IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR SONG CHALLENGE!RS*********

The next SONG CHALLENGE! will be put forth on Saturday morning (U.S.) time -- even though a certain sad-eyed poet may go out of his skull before then -- You guys have been simply mahvahlahs about responding to these crazy things, and I want everyone to rest your little grey cells for a day or two, because the next CHALLENGE! idea is Barky's, and I want everyone well rested and able to make a mighty effort on her behalf. This is her first CHALLENGE! idea, so let's do a good job, OK?

In other news, Hyperabid has put a wee bug in my ear about a brand new award, so I need a couple of days to come up with a brilliant idea . . .

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you, to each and every one of you for churning out some really wonderful (and crazy) songs! Keep playing, writing, and singing!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 09:26 AM

Woww...new awards! New challenges! New pink slips! Kyeeewelll!

And a special roundof applause from the Universe, to the Gaelic Goddess, who makes us hop around while enjoying it madly...just like those fourth graders she rounds up, ropes, dogs and brands for a living...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 10:21 AM

Oh boy! I'll be sure to do my best work yet! Anything for the Trumpet Goddess! Sorry Amos, no timber splitting today..just plaster pouring.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 10:42 AM

here's a challange for you Mbo. Rest. Relax. Slow down a fraction for a day or two. Bet you can't!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 10:48 AM

You're right, I can't! But I do have a class in 13 minutes and am ready to drop off sleepimg I am so tired! Need SOMETHING to wake me up. And being in this building for 8 straight hours without seeing the light of day will make you long for anyhting to keep your spirits up!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Hyperabid
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 12:13 PM

Aww shucks I'm visiting with my kids on Saturday - Goshdarnit!

How's a poor hyper boy supposed to do a thread justice when he's stuck between 2 over-excited 5 year olds watching Toy story 2!!!

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 12:42 PM

Sounds like a song in the making, Hyper.

Mbo, I appreciate how intense you are about your studies, but eight hours under fluorescents will drive anyone mad, let alone a strapping youth near the peak of his natural endocrine curve...to put it nicely. You need to master two tools, and learn to love them with the same passion that you love your music system, your books, your computer, and your instruments.

One is that Harley Barky said you would look so good on, and the other is the traditional double bitted wood-splitters axe. Master them, Mbo, get out on the road and into the wood, watch the bluejays rape and pillage, get high on the wind and the smell of fresh split rails. Go, cat go! Mother Earth is calling you out, man -- flinch thee not!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 12:50 PM

failing that, try to sleep at least 8 hours a week.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 05:45 PM

Not good much with an axe, Amos, but I can whoopup with a chainsaw! My Dad and I are tree choppers extraordinaire!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 05:50 PM

Well, go do some cords up, then man. Ye're wanting plain outdoor, God and sunshine exertion...advise from an old busybody. Sorry...and do get that Harley for the sheer joy of it.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 06:47 PM

I though you said Barky had a few old childhood Harleys hanging around...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Bradypus
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 07:02 PM

Oh, dear! Am I too late ??

Can I apologise in advance for what follows.

Firstly, it may not be a song, as I don't have a tune for it. Does anyone know a tune for Burns-style stanzas ?

Secondly, I've taken some liberties with the language. I know some of the orthography is wrong in this one, but I haven't had time to polish it.

Anyway, here goes ...

To a Moose

Big, glaikit, horned hairy beastie
O, what a panic's in my breastie
Thou makst me start away sae hasty
When from the forest
Thou rushed at me as thou wouldst chase me
And my wee motor

Thou saw the Volvo coming fast
Thou heardst the horn I gie'd a blast
I braked, and tho' I nearly crashed
I stopped in time
And O, but I was very fashed,
Baith me an' mine

And there ye stood and glared at me
I saw the divil in yer ee
I saw ye loup, for to be free
And I'm no kiddin' ye
Then crash! Yer hoof, it hit my knee
Right through the windae

My we bit Volvo now in ruin!
It's windscreen tae the winds is stewin
An naething now, to buy a new ane
Wi banknotes green
Or try a claim on the insurance –
They'll no be keen!

But Moosie, thou art no thy lane
In proving driving may be vain
The best- laid routes o' moose and man
And even possum
Can lead us whaur we wouldna'gang –
Is that no awesome!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 07:13 PM

Your whole poem is AWESOME! Wow, Bradypuss! And ingenius and brilliantly executed! Douhble wow....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 07:21 PM

Well, dingy dang darn it -- Amos beat me to it (again)! That is a wonderful submission, Bradypus, and I have awarded your effort The Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (the only Guinness Crest winner in this bunch, I might add!). Just shows to go ya, better late than never! Very, very well done!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 00 - 07:26 PM

Nahh, *Aine, I was only throwing my support toward ya, on behalf of all of us. It woulda been me undiies but I threw 'em at the dog, so I threw my support. :>))

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 06:07 PM

In the Land of Ikea (time of the preacher Willie Nelson. I know Ikea is from Sweden, work with me here!)

In the land of Ikea, in the year or 0 1
A moose stomped a Volvo, and he did it for fun
In the land of the vikings, where the story is told
When a moose stomped a Volvo now we let it unfold

Raymond Johansen was driving along,
saw a moose in the headlights
and stopped for to long
The moose broke his windshield
which caused him to curse
And he just felt stupid
Cause he didn't reverse

In the land of Ikea, in the year of 01
If you see a moose there then you better run

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 09:09 AM

When I was at school, some umpteen years ago, my class had to sit each week through a radio programme called "Singing Together". I'd like to forget some of the stuff we had to sing along to - can't shake all of it. "Marianina", "Up The Airy Mountain" and some supposedly Welsh number which ends "This reward my sweetheart jewel/Gave me for my mountain duel/Call this quickly what delayed you/Love can be so very cruel."

We were also made to sing a Canadian song, the first few lines of which are incorporated into this parody.

Land of the silver birch
Home of the beaver
Where still the mighty moose
Wanders at will
TOO MUCH at will I say
I'll make that bastard pay
Hiya hiya hiya hiya hi-ya-ho

Driving home late at night
Moose stares into my lights
Choice between flight and fight
Chooses to stand
Lashes out hard and fast
Shower of windscreen glass
Hiya hiya hiya hiya hi-ya-ho

Wake up in traction
Multiple fractures
Lesions, contusions and
Internal blood
Dreaming of moosicide
I'll nail that moose's hide
Hiya hiya hiya hiya hi-ya-ho

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: SharonA
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 09:38 AM

Bee-yoo-ti-ful!

BTW, you may not see Áine's comments for a while. See her recent posts (from 18-Aug-01 on the threads SONG CHALLENGE – parts 8 and 31, and from 21-Aug-01 on the SONG CHALLENGE – part 3 thread) for details.