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BS: Light on - no one in
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: bobby's girl Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:59 PM I think my worst moment was the day I carefully put the washing liquid stuff in the machine, put the fabric softener in the drawer, set the machine going on the correct programme, then turned round and fell over the pile of washing I'd neglected to put in the machine - sigh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Wesley S Date: 08 Mar 00 - 05:08 PM A while back a woman I know was talking about her brother and I asked her "How long have you two been related?" I managed a few weeks ago to use my wire cutters to clip off the loose end of a brand new string on my mandolin. Trouble is I also managed to clip off the new string as well. Here in Texas we call that one taco short of a combo platter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: GUEST,petr Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:36 PM My dad once wrote a letter to some government agency and when the responded they included a copy of the letter which started off with Dead Sir. One of our customers at a University Dept of Anesthesia sent our statement back with a letter (btw the statement was about an overdue invoice for $620 and had columns Current over 30, over 60 so we highlighted the date the amount and the over 60) The secretary wrote that Dr. So&so of the dept of anesthesia received the statement but had no idea what it was for and if we could send a copy of the invoice. Then she (in a snotty manner) added "by the way, for your information Dr. Soso was born in 1941 so is not over 60. Cheers. PEtr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: GUEST,petr Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:36 PM My dad once wrote a letter to some government agency and when the responded they included a copy of the letter which started off with Dead Sir. One of our customers at a University Dept of Anesthesia sent our statement back with a letter (btw the statement was about an overdue invoice for $620 and had columns Current over 30, over 60 so we highlighted the date the amount and the over 60) The secretary wrote that Dr. So&so of the dept of anesthesia received the statement but had no idea what it was for and if we could send a copy of the invoice. Then she (in a snotty manner) added "by the way, for your information Dr. Soso was born in 1941 so is not over 60. Cheers. PEtr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Metchosin Date: 07 Mar 00 - 09:51 PM as thick as two short planks |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: GUEST,The Beanster Date: 07 Mar 00 - 08:20 PM Callie, I love the wheel is turning but the hamster's dead! lololol I thought of a few more funny, stupid things but they occurred in a written context... I used to work at a public relations company and one of the account execs had a new secretary who was very sweet but couldn't type to save her life. There was a letter that was sent to a very prestigious-type of muckety muck whose name was "Mr. Marian." But on the copy of the letter (after it had been sent) we found that, instead of putting "Dear Mr. Marian" at the top, she had put, "Dear Mr. Martian." Another time, she had typed a letter to the New York Times "Arts & Leisure" section but (my hand to God) in the body of the letter, she said something like, "We are thrilled that you have decided to include (client's name) in your upcoming edition of "Farts & Leisure." Needless to say, in a manner of speaking, that's all she wrote....fired! But I still chuckle at the memory. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Lady McMoo Date: 07 Mar 00 - 09:31 AM One puff short of a possum concerto...? Just a thought. mcmoo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Mbo Date: 07 Mar 00 - 08:40 AM I still like mine...I got it from a VEY bizarre but memorable text computer game from England. Much of the sayings from that game have been absorbed into my sister & I's vocubulary--"A few coupons short of a toast rack" now where else but in England would you find something like that? Ohh...running short on time here...popcorn story later tonight... --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Callie Date: 07 Mar 00 - 08:25 AM Beanster - you have made me cry I'm laughing so much!! And now I have to run to the loo [insert loo break here]!! Dumb as a box of hair. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead. When I was a schoolgirl I went to buy a 40 cent postage stamp and asked the clerk how much I owed him!! Two weeks ago I forgot to go to my (only second) singing lesson. I felt bad so didn't ring the teacher. Then I felt worse. Then I couldn't sleep. So I rang her and apologised and rescheduled for this morning. This morning I went off to work and ... forgot my singing lesson. I've rescheduled til TOMORROW morning. --Callie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Homeless Date: 07 Mar 00 - 08:11 AM Uhh... Senior moments? Does that mean that when I'm 60 I'll have to make 18 trips to the car before I can leave? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Troll Date: 07 Mar 00 - 07:47 AM Homeless---Whats supposed to get worse? troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Homeless Date: 07 Mar 00 - 07:40 AM Strong - like bear, smart - like tractor. I've been known to walk out of the house and get in my car. Realizing I've forgotten something go back into the house. Return to the car, then back to the house for something else. My record is six trips to the car before leaving, and I still forgot something. And that was when I was in my early 20s. It's supposed to get worse?
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Mar 00 - 03:46 AM We're a bit Kitty Litter here today - tons of the stuff around, but none in the box.... We came up with a box 30 short of a CT200 yesterday, but you have to work for the Inland Revenue for that one to be funny. Ah, the IRS, where even the toilet paper is known by a number...... However, they stopped printing "Government Property" on it. Loo roll in the fridge eh? That is usually a sign that there was curry or chilli on the menu the previous evening..... I put mine in the bath once, whilst I cleaned the bin it stands on, then promptly turned the bath taps on to rinse out the bin..... ~And what is this about cheesy popcorn? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Sorcha Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:54 AM That does it, I'm going to bed. Hope the Net is not so busy tomorrow...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Sabra Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:46 AM Hmm.. I thought a Geezer was jes the bass player for Black Sabbath--the knowledge of which might in itself explain my status as "Ditz-Queen" around my office.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Quirk Malarkey Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:23 AM personally, i've always liked,"a couple of twinkles short of a full glitter.--doodlezak |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: ddw Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:16 AM I've noticed lately it sometimes takes me three or four lost-and-founds to get through my first cup of coffee in the morning. Maybe I should go back to drinking booze before I go to bed.... david (often playing on a 420 A) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: GUEST,The Beanster Date: 07 Mar 00 - 12:46 AM I knew I had one roll of toilet paper left but I couldn't find it anywhere and nature was calling. Not in the cabinet, not under the sink--nowhere. I finally took a box of Kleenex in with me...a few hours later, I was making some coffee, looked in the fridge for the milk and there, neatly pushed to the back of the shelf was the toilet paper. Hellooooo? I was at work one day about 15 years ago, working as a receptionist. Someone called and instead of answering the phone, "Good morning, Aetna Insurance," I had looked at my watch a milisecond before and cheerily said into the receiver, "10:15." One time, I was putting out a cigarette at work and set my thumbnail ablaze. Nail polish is very flammable, it turns out. One fry short of a Happy Meal, you might say. LOL And Mbo, please tell us about the popcorn cheese incident! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Sorcha Date: 06 Mar 00 - 11:39 PM I always try to punch "Send" on a cordless (not cell) phone, and I always clutch the automatic transmission, and forget to clutch the stick shift. If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous......maybe I am anyway. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Mbo Date: 06 Mar 00 - 11:27 PM Don't talk to my sisters, or they'll let out the old "Popcorn Cheese" story again. Not one of my brightest moments. Almost comparable to the time I accidentally deleted Windows off the computer...I tell you, the word for it is STUNOD! He he, like Jeff Lynne says "I can tell by the way your drapes are hanging that there ain't nobody in there--nobody's home!" --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Troll Date: 06 Mar 00 - 11:09 PM Not to worry kids. It's gonna get worse! *evil chuckle* troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Caitrin Date: 06 Mar 00 - 10:46 PM My younger brother takes great joy in relating to all our friends and family the story of the time I search for ten full minutes for my car keys. They were in my hand. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box sometimes, as my mom would say. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Liz the Squeak Date: 06 Mar 00 - 09:04 PM A TOG is The Old Geezer, a TYG is of course, The Young Geezer. A geezer is one who dressed up in strange clothes and went round demanding money with menaces, during the long dark English Winter, the origin of Trick or Treat. They went out in disguise or 'guise'. I have quite often got the bus back from town, only to find that the car is still where I left it, in town.... I've also spent ages trying to persuade a traffic warden that I had bought a ticket, when the offending ticket was in fact firmly in my purse or hand!!! If we were any more stupid, we'd have to be watered twice a week..... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Micca Date: 04 Mar 00 - 07:47 AM Many of these are what a young friend of ours always referred to as " making a fox pox". My latest is making up Hydrogen peroxide solution, carefully pipetting distilled water into a flask then making it up with distilled water , and wondering why I was getting no oxygen with my catalyst. It took ages to spot the flaw.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: roopoo Date: 04 Mar 00 - 03:55 AM I think a lot of all this forgetfulness has to do with the fact that we're all super-intelligent beings with synapses firing at full throttle, and that our minds are merely on higher things! My latest whoopsie was about a month ago, when I went to a friend's house for a monthly lunch get together which a few of us have. One of the others turned up as I was happily burying my snout into a glass of cava, and said, 'I've just come from Anne's (childminder) and she has told me to say "meals on wheels" and to enjoy your lunch.'(Anne is also the co-ordinator for Meals on Wheels in our village). I told her don't be daft it's Tuesday and I don't do Tuesdays (it was Thursday) and anyway I'm not on this week.....am I? Oh bugger! I had done a swop on the rota and got muddled. Having done it the week before, I still thought I had a week gap before I did it again. WRONG!!! Luckily, when the kitchen rang to say that nobody had been, she had been able, albeit a bit late, to get another volunteer out. Talk about food turning to ashes. Luckily the old folks took it well. They all know me. The other volunteer was my next door neighbour who wasn't in the least surprised, having lived next to me for 12 years! mouldy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Ebbie Date: 04 Mar 00 - 02:47 AM You make me feel so much better! One day I found a cereal box in the fridge and no milk. Went looking, found the carton wedged into the freezer shelf- tight fit too. Just where ARE those synapses firing? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Ritchie Date: 04 Mar 00 - 02:42 AM Some times I use the car to get to work and other times the bus...it's a lovely feeling when sitting on the bus on my way home after a hard days work when 'one' realises that 'one' has travelled to work in the car and it's now parked somewhere..alone. Doh !! I manage to get out of most of my 'foo-pahs' by modelling myself on Colombo. Mouldy,thanks, I too also as well listen to Wogan and his crew (he's much better on the radio than tv where he was over exposed which seems to be the trend when a 'new star' is discovered)and I have been afraid to ask what a TOG was. wear the fox hat Ritchie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Liz the Squeak Date: 04 Mar 00 - 02:17 AM OK, done it again, gave the cornflakes to the cat and the child a bowl of Kitty Crunchies - the Cat thought Christmas had come early and Phoebe has always eaten cat biscuits - her teeth are strong and healthy, her nose is moist and her coat glossy. The cat just farts milky milky - if you remember that far back with Punt and Dennis - farts. Nice. The other cat is having another crisis - she forgot where her food bowl was last night and spent a good 2 hours sitting on my head/chest/lap/back and crying for food. Had to take her downstairs and show her. Definately a dog short of Battersea. I have a full 6 pack, just not the plastic thing that holds them together. I am a file short of a program and not the sharpest pin in the box. And I'm a Civil Servant with the IRS - worried?? I would be!!!! LTS And TerrM - what colour were those roots you blushed to, because you were a redhead last time we met! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Osmium Date: 03 Mar 00 - 06:46 PM Old Celtic Proverb on the Subject
Excuse me how very rude |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Bert Date: 03 Mar 00 - 06:06 PM One time I had an open circuit in an appliance cord, (In England - 240 Volts) so I unplugged it from the APPLIANCE end and took a screwdriver and.....ZAP!!! I only did it ONCE though, my elbow still tingles just thinking about it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: MMario Date: 03 Mar 00 - 03:51 PM I do telephone help support. Every once in a while I will totally blank as to who I am talking to, what district they are in, what the problem is; and 9 out of 10 times, I placed the call!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: TerriM Date: 03 Mar 00 - 03:43 PM Kendall, just try and guess where I put the manual....I know I couldn't! And I was damned if I was going to ask a man and prove every blonde female stereotype in the book! I'm a huge Terry Wogan fan but found myself blushing to the roots of my hair the day he described a guy who turned up at a factory and forgot who he was supposed to be seeing. He asked the receptionist if he could see an engineer, turned out there were a 150 of them. I'd done pretty much exactly the same thing the day before.Quite frankly, it's a miracle I remember how to get home each day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Jon Freeman Date: 03 Mar 00 - 02:28 PM I've always been bad and even as a kid have had a habbit of rusihing of to get something only to forget what it was they I wanted. Workwise, I think by biggest blunder on this sort of thing was setting a profile lathe once. I knew this change over well and all it involved was swap of profiles trouble was one day, I forgot to put the new one in and set the machine running - it made quite a mess of the tooling. Musically I can start one tune and somehow find my self playing another, start a tune that I don't even know/ haven't learned and can suddenly forget words to songs I know very well.. Jon |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Crowhugger Date: 03 Mar 00 - 02:28 PM One of my favourites is: "A bubble off plumb." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Liz the Squeak Date: 03 Mar 00 - 02:19 PM AAAAARRGGGH Another TOG!!! Did you put your sandwiches in the fridge and a packet of ham slices in your bag to take to work today as well? Or got all the way home only to discover that you've left your child at the childminders....... Definately two barrels short of a brewery.... or two chunks short of a chocolate bar.... or an asprin short of a medicine chest.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: roopoo Date: 03 Mar 00 - 01:44 PM Well there's such a thing as "maternal amnesia" to get a lot of us lasses off the hook, but where does that leave everybody else? All us avid TOGS* (listen to Terry Wogan on Radio 2 monday-friday 7.30-9.30 am GMT) will be familiar with the legend on the elusive TOGS sweatshirts: "Do I come here often?" By the way, who else besides me has to put their spectacles on in order to find their spectacles if they're not in the usual place? mouldy *Terry's Old Gals/Geezers
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: GUEST,Penny S. (elsewhere) Date: 03 Mar 00 - 12:56 PM There really is a name for that way your eyes totally miss what you're looking for, but I can't quite recall what it is. It's why looking for something else turns it up, though. Penny |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Amos Date: 02 Mar 00 - 10:43 PM My defense in these things is that in letting go of the vaunted mental efficiency of my younger years, when I never misplaced a paragraph, let alone a book, I have opened my self to broader views of the universe, higher realities, tuned in to other planes...at least I hope that's what it is. I really, really, hope so...what was it ...oh...yeah...dang, where's that keyboard when you need it? Anybody seen my keyboard? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Troll Date: 02 Mar 00 - 10:11 PM Oh yes! Our house oft resounds with the plaintive cry of "Has anyone seen my glasses(keys, cap,etc?)" A sure sign that Dad (me) has mislaid something in plain sight AGAIN! The best one I've heard so far is "a wall short of a room" Kinda says it all. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: rangeroger Date: 02 Mar 00 - 09:55 PM When I worked for San Diego County Probation Dept. we had a supervisor we called "51" to his face. He was quite proud of the title,never knowing it meant one card short of a full deck. rr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: sophocleese Date: 02 Mar 00 - 09:04 PM Neural Net Failure; the ability to put a book face down on any available horizontal surface and then spend half an hour vaguely wandering around the house looking for the book, "I just had it two minutes ago!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: kendall Date: 02 Mar 00 - 07:29 PM A suggestion for Terri. Why didnt you simply check your owners manual? or ask some man to do it by telling him "It wont go into reverse." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Banjer Date: 02 Mar 00 - 07:25 PM Even if I could remember what it was I was going to add to this thread, I don't think I would! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Metchosin Date: 02 Mar 00 - 06:56 PM oh yeah, and others in the household tend to suffer from "thing blindness", (looking for lost objects that are right in front of you) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Metchosin Date: 02 Mar 00 - 06:52 PM In our household it is referred to as "rode in on the short bus today"...not very PC but I have just finished reading Amos's honesty thread. In this state, I have bounced my face off pedestrian crossing signal boxes, mistaken road signs, such as "Xing", for foreign languages, lit pencils and have been known to peer into the fridge several times, before recalling that I was actually looking for a pen. Fortunately, my family has come to accept my occasional bouts of single minded preoccupation and predisposition to serious brain fade. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Mbo Date: 02 Mar 00 - 06:01 PM It seems that way for all of us sometimes, Amos. As for going stunod/ lights are on, no one's in/a few coupons short of a toast rack/ check out my last song on the Song Challenge! No. 12. Talkabout Mega-stunod! --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: Amos Date: 02 Mar 00 - 05:32 PM I can definitely relate to that...sometimes my whole life seems to be one wheel in the sand, and I wasn't even heading for the beach! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: TerriM Date: 02 Mar 00 - 05:27 PM Ah, Kendall, we've met then? My senior moments are now becoming days and too many boo-boo's to admit to.... but I will tell about the time I was in a car accident and my car went in for repair for about 8 weeks. When I finally got it back, I couldn't remember how to put it into reverse for 2 days. Caused my colleagues much mirth to watch me hunt for a parking space I could both drive in and out of.Sort of ties in with my favourite expression which is'one wheel in the sand'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: kendall Date: 02 Mar 00 - 02:39 PM Must be rough on those folks who were not threaded all the way on to start with. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in From: paddymac Date: 02 Mar 00 - 02:32 PM Brain farts, senior moments, CRS, CRAFT: these are all terms aptly used to describe a complex symptomology generally considered to result from a serious lack of Guiness in the system. One must always replenish those precious bodily fluids. |