BS: So Embarrassed...............!

Subject: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:10 AM

Well, today I have hit the pinacle of embarrassment....
I went to lunch to a local public house, I drank orange juice (lots to be done this afternoon)-I went to the toilet and when I came back to my seat I had my skirt tucked into my tights.....luckily my mum brought me up well - always wear clean knickers. So after this was pointed out to me ( bear in mind I had walked the length of the pub) - I was so embarrassed, after I had retrieved my skirt, I sat down and promtly dropped my bag......a full packet of tampons jumped out and scattered all over the floor. Everyone picked them up and passed them to me and my face was so red......but, a lot of those people were smiling, so perhaps I gave them a bit of a laugh. It's someone elses turn next time. Please tell me that I am not alone.
still red faced - Patrish

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:23 AM

People were smiling, not laughing at you love...We've all done something embarrasing; I would count your luck that you had ladies and gentlemen present, who did not make more of your unfortunate circumstances. Hada few sailors been present,you would have been more than red faced. LOL. Aye.Dave

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:27 AM

I've had my turn, someone else will havre to go next.

It's 19773. I'm in Boston, age 20. First try at being away from home, living in a roach infested rooming house. Poor??? Oatmeal three times a day, hair falling out. But happy?

Money can be made selling underground paper on street corners. I snag a pile to sell and head for the Copley Square at the corner of Trinity Church and Ken's deli, in sight of library and new Hancock mirrored building. Happy, happy, happy.

Business people and hippies all pass by. Some stop to buy. Smile. Say hello.

A fella I sorta know stops by to chat, hang out. It begins to rain. I'm fine, but wet papers!!! Hurry! To the bulding actos the street that has an overhang at the entrance!

Much rain, fine conversation, smoke (yes) curling up from our silly faces. Poor selling location, though.

Sun reappears. Fine fun, gathering up papers, paraphernalia, purse... Friend takes some of the papers, off we go back to our corner before some other seller sets up there... firned in the lead, I struggling to keep papers from blwoing away... when all of a sudden, halfway through the crosswalk, noon rush hour, broad daylight, I dimly realize pants have fallen to my ankles. Can't walk, will trip. Can't pull em up, hands full. Can't set down papers, pavement wet, have to pay for any I don't sell. W H A T T O D O ? ? ? ? ? Fat girl EXPOSED!!!! I'll be S E E E E E E N N N N ! !!!

Only one response possible. Laughing, laughing, LAUGHING, SCREAMING so funny, so completely OK and funny, helpless, hooting, hollering laughter.

Friend turns, sees predicament, helps, takes papers, I return pants to appropriate position, laughing all the way, laughing all day.

Well, that's one reason I turned out THIS way.

OK, now that's a little shot of female embarrassment, how 'bout it boys!??

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:30 AM

Oh, my turn again, 1973!!! Not 19773! Otherwise I've just given a prophecy!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:45 AM

Why is it that women's most embarrassing moments have to do with their garments?? I've got a good one:

I was working in downtown Dallas at the time, and I was taking my lunch hour to surreptitiously go on a job interview. I wore my best black dress and high heels, but was unable that particular morning to find my black slip. I'd resorted to the too-big white slip instead. As it was summertime and temperatures on the concrete streets and sidewalks in Texas were reaching about 102 degrees (F), I was wearing my pantyhose sans undies.

The wait for the bus to take me to the interview was blessedly short, and I gratefully stepped up to the doors as the bus pulled to a stop. Just as the doors opened and the driver turned his head, a gust of wind blew my skirt AND the slip up over my head! I quickly rearranged everything and walked up the steps of the bus to the smiling face of the driver. He kept grinning and winking at me the whole way to my stop -- I'd obviously made his day. I, on the other hand, arrived at the job interview red-faced and flummoxed. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:00 AM

MEN!!! Come share, we will be gentle....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:01 AM

Not going into details here, but if you have a semi-low cut bathing suit with wimpy or no straps, do not, I repeat, DO NOT do your best dive (with hight, graceful arc) off the diving board. (And if you do, make sure your suit's still on while you're down at the bottom of the pool.) Likewise, when trying to learn how to water ski, never fall ass first. The water and bathing suit tend to forcefully migrate places they have no business being. (No one else knew what happened, but I was still embarrased.) Oh, and this didn't happen to me, but a friend once lost her "feminine hygiene product" on a dance floor...

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:03 AM

SCREEEEEMING!!!! Polyp-snapping SCREEEEMING!!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:06 AM

SO DO YOU, OR DO YOU NOT, PICK IT UP, REVEALING THE DONOR?

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:09 AM

Oh Praise! Of course you don't pick it up -- a discreet kick with the foot while executing a particularly bottom twitching move (thus to attract all male attention away from the offending product) to the farthest corner would be the way to go!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:12 AM

Aine, you are right - garments are not to be relied on
Not so long ago, I was playing tennis with a few friend on the grass beside my mother-in-laws house(which is right next to a railway line. I got quite warm and decided to take my jumper off. Which would have been quite acceptable if I had been wearing anything underneath. And as luck would have it a train came past at the time. Not quite page three, but quite an exposure for me.
come on you chaps....are you all perfect and never get embarrassed about anything!?
Patrish

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:22 AM

embarrassment? try being a young teenage boy, whose 5 sisters cannot agree on a brand.....who has to go through a checkout counter with 5 different "feminine hygiene products". (They wouldn't buy them themselves, because THEY were too embarrassed)

Actually, when I was in my mid-thirties and still being introduced by my mother as "one of the babies" was pretty bad too....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: fox4zero
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:23 AM

Open zipper on fly, perhaps on 300 occasions More often as I get older (inverse proportion to utilization) When I was a teen, or 20-30-40-50 something it was more embarassing. I guess that now I am perceived as an dirty old man, not a flasher.

At my secondary school alumni reunions, my wife had noted that very many of my classmates' wives are rather YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL. Someone said that they were SECOND wives. At the next reunion I met a classmate whom I had not seen for 45 years or more. I took a look at his spouse,who was not pretty but not ugly....just pretty ugly. I blurted out "you must be a first wife" She looked at me with a frown and I realized that there was no way to extract my foot from my mouth. I nervouly said that I was wanted elsewhere and stayed away from that corner of the room for the balance of the evening.

Luv Larry

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:24 AM

Aine, I follow your lead.

Patrish, your honesty touches me!

MEN!!!!! We know you're reading these, now come on--- your story?? C'mon, you can tell your sisters cantcha???

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:27 AM

Good one Larry Luv!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:31 AM

I dunno gang.......Guys tend to come in two varieties. There are those who are so embarassed to TELL the embarassing moments that they keep quiet and the ones who could personally give a shit and do weird shit like mooning which proves it. My sailing partner and I are both in the second category.......We mooned the local yacht club on several occasions after a bombardment with the APYC. We weren't members and consistently won their regattas in two classes which didn't make us too popular to begin with.

My friend Randy on the other hand.......In high school he came out for the start of a cross-country meet, warmed up, pulled off his sweats, and failed to notice that he'd forgotten his shorts until the assembled crowd was laughing their asses off. Randy is a weird case in other areas too. He has never been able to whiz if anyone is watching. His brother and I always ribbed him about it and it became a joke that all of us enjoyed about "the Dick Watchers." So as Randy headed off to the john at wherever, one of us would tag along as the D-W Patrol. Now here's one where I found some embarassment. One night at a local stock car track, Randy heads for the can, one in a remote location rarely used. As we approached, no one had exited so I started a loud harangue about being on patrol for the Dick-Watchers.....and of course a huge redneck mortarforker walks out at this point. Another time I did a similar thing in a restaurant that had a long hallway back to the head, only to notice later that an old man was right behind me.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Biskit
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:32 AM

I do,....and I have. It just seems I've developed a mental block temporary I hope,it may be a self preservation issue,but am now trying to override@##@*%!!!- -Biskit-

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:35 AM

My grade five school talent night was to be my debut as a dancer. Keep in mind that even at the time I was a "jock." Our class was to dance the Alley Cat in front of all the parents. I was relegated to the back row wih some of my buddies who were as rhythmically challenged as I was. The record started, we were doing our thing when it started to skip. Of course some people tried to keep going and got all messed up, I ended up folding my arms on my chest and standing still glaring out at the parents and teachers laughing hysterically.

It was a long time before I got on stage again.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:44 AM

Steve, we coiulda used you out on the dance floor while Ainbe kicked that lil item off to the side, you could have danced in place to further distract everyone!!

Spaw, there goesa nother polyp-- SPLATTTTT!!!!!

bISKIT-- override@##@*%!!!-

I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS THREAD TO GO TO WORK, THERE IS NO JUSTICE!!! Can't wait to come back and see alla you redfaces!!! Go baby!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:11 AM

I know I've told this story before but it was a long time ago so maybe you've forgotten it by now.

I was working in Bahrain and a couple of Bahraini mates in the office were trying to teach me Arabic.
One day just about going home time, Hussain says to me 'say - fetchek abd'. After a few tries I got the pronunciation somewhere close, but he wouldn't tell me what it meant and he went home. So I look around for someone to ask. The only guy around was Bilal, a black Bahraini whose ancestors were most likely Sudanese slaves.

Now this guy wasn't just 'black' - He was the guy they meant when they coined the phrase 'black is beautiful' - he was so black he shone with glossy green highlights, like a blackbird's wing.

So I say 'Hey Bilal, what does fetchek abd mean?'
Bilal just rolls on the floor laughing. It turns out that it means 'Go get Fucked by a black man'

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:15 AM

Sorry, nothing to report here! You people must have bad luck or something! Weird stuff like this DOESN'T happen to me!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:21 AM

Yet Mbo, YET!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Homeless
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:43 AM

One evening I was at a good dance - the music was hot and everyone was energetic and the hall was crowded. At one point as I made a fast turn I swung my leg out in an arc behind me to keep my balance. Unfortunately, I hadn't realized how close the people behind me were and promptly swept the legs out from under the young lady dancing there, depositing her rudely on her tuckus.

Embarrassed enough at tripping someone (tho trip is hardly the word for it) thru my own carelessness, I tried to make amends by helping her up. And found out that if a woman is wearing a short rayon dress, you don't just take her by the waist and lift. As I lifted, the dress came up, but she didn't, thus giving everyone who was looking (which was most everybody in the hall - the commotion of the fall had attracted quite a bit of attention) a nice view of her lacy white undies. Somewhat red-faced, I apologized profusely and everyone returned to dancing.

Two weeks later, as if it had been a time bomb waiting to go off, I found out that this girl had had a crush on me. So I got a whole new wave of embarrassment to revel in that was two or three degrees worse than at the time of the incident.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:50 AM

Hmm, Bert, reminds me of when I lived in Cardiff and a Welsh-speaking roommate told me "Hello" in Welsh was "Twll dyn bob sais" (roughly!). Which I gather means "all English go forth and multiply" -only colloquially!
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Les B
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:52 AM

A friend of mine, who is a great photographer but very shy, once had a job as a traveling school photographer. This required a high level of salesmanship, at which he was not the best. On one of his first days he made his pitch to a busy school principal and was promptly told "No thanks, don't slam the door on your way out." Flustered, he turned, opened the door and stepped out, only to find himself in a dark coat closet next to the exit door. He told me, "I was so embarrassed I must have stood in that closet for nearly a minute getting up the courage to step back into the office!"

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:02 PM

Just remember, today's horrid embarassment is tomorrow's funny anecdote! A few years ago my wife Heather and our friend Tony and I saw a familiar face in the distance while playing a Mariposa Folk festival gig. It was his ex-love, who he hadn't seen in 15 years. We walked over to where she and a friend were standing. Hellos were said and as I introduced her to Heather, I turned to her friend and said "Hi, I'm Rick, what's your name"? The woman glared at me and said "NANCY, WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 5 YEARS"!!

I almost fell down from embarrassment! In a million years she would never understand that the reason I didn't recognize her was that she had aged NOT ONE BIT in the 15 or so years since I'd last seen her. Totally different style and hair colour, but looked 25 not 40! She thought (and probably thinks to this day) that I was "snubbing" her. T'was definitely NOT the case!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:23 PM

OK - a guy story:

My wife and I attended a dress up, outdoor function one fine summer Sunday in Dallas. Since she carried no purse so I got to carry in my suit coat pocket the spare tampon that may have been needed that afternoon. It wasn't. The next day I was in the boardroom of Southwest Airlines in that same suit. I was conducting meeting with several important business partners, our technical staff and our legal people - all whom were gracious enough to pretend they didn't see me attempt to retrieve what I thought was a pen from my suitcoat pocket. As you might have guessed my 'pen' turned out to be a tampon. I'll bet they still get a quiet chuckle out of my embarrassed response!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:28 PM

How about spending an hour looking for your own father in a bus station, then discovering you had been walking back and forth in front of him the whole time? (He was napping) In fact, I probably wouldn't have recognized him until he woke up except I finally spotted his army surplus boots. In the 3 months since I had seen him last he had grown a full beard.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:38 PM

I have another embarassing moment story, if I'm allowed two.

I worked for an English company for several years, and developed quite a liking for the English ales. One night, on a 'pub crawl' through Henley with a friend, we finished the evening at the Queens Head Pub; a lovely little low ceilinged place, with door jams just at my forehead height. I had reached the 'drinking bout' point of one pint/one pee ... and found that when I left for the loo the first time, I forgot to duck through the door and slammed my head against the door jam unceremoniously. I was the only American in the place, and the locals, all noticing my accident were kind enough to 'not notice' - but I must say, that I forgot on pee number two, and even on pee number three. By the third time I slammed my head on the door jam, the whole pub was in hysterics ... so I turned abruptly to the room, and said emphatically, "and that's the way we do it in America!"

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:40 PM

... hmm, I think I need to spend a lot of time with Áine and Patrish, so I can be there console them when next they have such embarassing moments.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:56 PM

MY first sexual experience but lets not go there.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:10 PM

don't tell me Guest ... you were alone right?

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:29 PM

I guess a recent embarrassing moment is when I visited a friend living abroad. It was just a stopover for about 4 days from my ultimate destination and this was a girl who was a good friend to me, and while there had been some attraction between us before she moved away any involvement was out of the question as we were both seeing other people. As I arrived we went straight to a folk concert where we met up with a girlfriend of hers. Now at the end of the concertwe're going out the door and just as I pulled my fleece out of my pack some items fell out of the pocket including a condom which Id forgotten about (a leftover from a previous date). Anyway they both saw it and said something like 'oh my god'. My friend quickly scooped it up and momentarily thought about handing it to me but decided it would embarrass me more so she just stuffed it in her pocket. I think they were probably more embarrased than I was, and I thought about saying 'well I wont be needing that' but it would just get worse. I still turn red thinking about it.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Sorcha
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:34 PM

Hubby and I had been making picante sauce with jalepno peppers, and later got to fooling around.........and he put his finger ummm, well you get the idea. This wan't too bad, but later I found out he had told all his cop co-horts the whole story-----was a while before I could face any of them!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Micca
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:46 PM

Here is an embarrasing story and a definition of style in one story.
I was in what can only be described as a very compromising position wth my then gf on the sofa, in the living room, of her parents house at about 1 am, when the door opened , after a moment,feeling the draft on my bare arse, I glanced up to meet the eyes of her father standing in the doorway with the doorhandle in his han,.The thought going through my mind were the obvious "Oh,s**t." when he backed out and shut the door.,
the definition of cool?
he locked it, from outside, and shoved the key back in under the door!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Osmium
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:55 PM

Well maybe not embarrassment but being made to feel foolish. Sorcha's epic reminds me on a similar note. I was doing a one week job in Karachi and the guys I was staying with - mad English Ex-Pat Beer Swiiling Juvenile Delinquents - on one evening decided we'd do a Pakistani Takeaway. So we arrive in this dusty field (car park) with a lean to shack at one end (kitchen) and your waiter would arrive at the window, take the order, and later deliver. The recommendation was some sort of hot chicken curry and because all males will pretend that they can take it (hot food) I had one too. Now it was hot but I could eat it, and did, with a lot of sweat and no tears. The evening went on and finally the temperature in my mouth returned to normal around (late) bedtime. The next morning I was due in an important meeting that I could not attend because I was sat in a cold bath for two and a half hours trying to quench my personal Ring of Fire.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:59 PM

THE BEST!! ALL OF THEM!!! SCREEEEMMMM!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 02:29 PM

Ok, ok, s there's the Venus of Willendorf incident, but I'M NOT TELLING! SCREEEEECH!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 02:33 PM

c'mon, mbo. cough it up. inquiring minds want to know.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: bob schwarer
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 02:36 PM

Sorcha, my wife and I also had a hot pepper experience many years ago. I still hear about it.

However my biggest goof probably was when I was a senior in college. Showed up for a final (in mechanics, I think) just as the test was ending; got the times confused somehow. But good old professor let me make it up. Right then in his office. Could have been a disaster. I passed it though.

Bob S.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: TerriM
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 02:46 PM

You have to now, Meebs, it's the law! I have so many I don't know where to begin but I guess the worst at the time was when I was about 14 ( that particularly self-concious age) and was given a wonderful silver swimsuit, absolutely the last word in chic, my dears! Quite understandably by my adolescent values of the time,I showed off big style culminating with a 'look at me' dive into the water and what I believed to be a graceful climb out of the pool,much puzzled to be greeted by gales of hysterical laughter.Looking down I discovered that every bit of silver had departed it's accustomed place leaving a completely transparent mesh in it's place and the sight of my skinny adolescent body in all it's lack of glory. I still go cold thinking about it!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:03 PM

great stories!

Sorcha - I also discovered (the hard way) that after enjoying a wonderful Crawfish boil , a man really ought to wash his hands before he pees ... rather then after, as is the norm.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Sorcha
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:36 PM

Yah Yah Yah!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:38 PM

Well, there was this time, back in January, when it snowed here in Greenville, and freezing rain on top of it turned everything to ice. So I was coming up the ramp on at the Jenkins Fine Art Center--I use the ramp and not the steps because I have a pullcart, with scores of art paraphernalia lashed to it. So I get to the top of the ramp, and for some reason, the brilliant architect who pored the concrete poured it on an incline and the top, possible for drainage. Water actually collects there, and when temperature drops, water turns to....you guessed it. BOOM! I slipped and landed on my can right in front of all the weird art students who hang outside and smoke. I just gave them a "I meant to do that" look and fumbled my way through the doors. Suddenly my ears weren't so cold anymore!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:44 PM

Some years ago, I made a flying run out of the bus station in Boston, to grab a cab to take me to Cambridge. In a hell of a hurry, I spied a yellow car with a black driver. I should have realized that cabbies dont drive Volvos with sun roofs, but, I stuck my head into the sun roof and asked if she was free!! I cant describe the look I got as she informed me that she was not a cab. I'll bet she either traded cars, or she had that one painted.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Sorcha
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:57 PM

This one ties with the funeral thread.....not mine, my mom's. Mom had been very ill and ready to go "home" for quite some time, actually since she lost my Dad 10 yrs. ago. You all know how funeral directors are? Trying hard not to offend the bereaved, unctious, etc.? OF COURSE they made sure the phones were turned off in the chapel before the service started.........NOW, what is the last thing your parents say when you walk out the door? "Call when you get there",eh? Well, the phone rang right druing the schmaltzy part of the service. Everybody nearly died laughing including the minister! What makes it even funnier is that 10 yrs ago my dad was cremated, and I had instructions to do several different things with the ashes, one of which was to take some back to Kansas and scatter them in a special spot. I never got it done, and I think dad was a little PO'd about it.
So here we are in Kansas with Mom, a casket and a gravesite....we took some ashes out to his special spot, and put the rest in a quart canning jar and put them under her skirt....
We really did put "Call When You Get There" on the gravestone!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 05:44 PM

So many but this will do for a start

In those long far of day before the lady that is now my wife was not my wife, she was kind enough to make for me a bright red chunky-knit sweater. This was made at my request, as I was young and considered this to be the most trendy garment I could think of. Apart perhaps, from my once white but now tie-dyed, ex bandleaders dinner jacket.

I proudly wore this to a very crowded bar I used to frequent. As I sidled trough the closely packed merry-makers, the zipper on the back of a black slinky dress became caught up and tangled up with my red sweater. I did not notice this at first and as I continued on my way the zipper came most of the way down. Feeling a complete fool I struggled to untangle it and politely zip it back up again, all the while smiling apologetically over the girl's shoulder at her boyfriend He had not seen the start of my troubles but only noticed my attempts to zip up his girl-friends dress. She (bless her) smiled sweetly at me and carried on talking whilst I tried to repair the damage and get out of there as quickly as possible.

When I eventually and hurriedly emerged from there, the colour of my face matched the colour of my sweater.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Helen
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 05:46 PM

The first time I ever bought condoms, about 10 years ago, I went to the supermarket chek-out, and of course, the barcode wouldn't scan, so, of course, the checkout operator *has* to make a call over the loudspeaker

"Price check on condoms at check-out 5, Price check on condoms at check-out 5".

So here am I, trying to act cool, trying to act like buying condoms is the same thing as buying a carton of milk, and *everyone* in the store is looking at checkout 5 to find out who the floosy is.

I maintained the cool exterior until I got out of the store, but now I think it's pretty funny.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: folk1234
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 05:54 PM

Sometimes, just for kicks, I introduce my wife (of 32 years) as, "And this is Carol my first wife". We get all sorts of amusing responses like, "Oh, it is good to see you're still friends", or, "Oh, are you back together now?"
Now for my embarrasing moment. Just about 20 years ago I went to a shopping mall in downtown Bridgeport, CT to pick up a suit I had ordered. Being new to the area I didn't know that after dark this mall became a heaven for all sorts of pretty bad people. I parked my car in the dark and dirty parking garage, took the elevator to the floor where the clothing store was, got my suit, and began to retrace my steps. As I got into the elevator and the door was slowly closing, a big, black, scared, hairy hand reached in to pull the door open as a huge, dirty, foul-smelling, person entered. I froze in place as we found ourselves alone in the interminable long ride to destiny, all the while thinking of what I should have done if only I had the courage. Suddenly, a sharp radio message something like, "Sandy Four-zero, this is Delta-Six" pierced silence of the elevator. As I stared in disbelief, the gentleman smiled at me with golden tooth as he reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "Yes, I'm a cop. You looked like you may need some help." He followed me to where I had parked and waved a friendly goodby as I drove off into the night. What made this so embarrasing, so humbling, is that I had just recently retired after 20 years as a Marine Infantry Officer. I still thought myself to be invincible and impregnable to fear. Little of me did I know.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:18 PM

folk1234, I'm long past judging people by how they look. I've asked for and been given directions by people of all sexes, races, quantities or styles of hair, quantities of leather, number of tattoos. They have normally told me to be careful who I talk to because there are some "bad types" around. I don't know - maybe I've been lucky...

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:22 PM

A few years ago, I went to Ireland to study Irish in a small (and I do mean small) village. It was the first time I'd ever been away from my four children, the youngest one only a few months over a year old, so of course, I showed pictures of them to everyone I met. I stayed in a lovely B&B, and as I was there for two weeks, the lady of the house offered to wash my laundry with her family's weekly washing. Not wanting to impose on her, I took my washing down to the tiny laundrette in the village and handed it over to the lady there to handle, and she assured me that she'd have it ready to be picked up that afternoon.

Off I went to my morning classes, and at teatime, when I went up to the counter to get my cuppa and a biscuit or two, the young lady behind the counter insisted on me taking extra milk in my tea and also pushed several biscuits on me, telling me to put them in my pockets in case I got hungry later on.

Totally mystified, I took the extra milk and the extra biscuits, and went back to class. It was a lovely day, with everyone smiling at me and being very nice and chatty. That afternoon I picked up my laundry and took it to my lodgings to put it away. I unwrapped the paper surrounding my clothes, and there on top, neatly folded and slightly battered from use, was my nursing bra! I'd brought it on the trip with me simply because it was the most comfortable one in my drawer at home -- then the penny dropped on why I'd been given the 'special' treatment at teatime! Not a word had been spoken, but I knew the whole village thought I was expecting again -- talk about embarrassed!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:36 PM

I think I told this one before. I keep telling it, 'cause each time it gets less embarassing. I was 15 or 16 at the time. A friend and I were at the local pool. We went into the changing area to take off our bathing suits and put on our clothes. As adolescent males are likely to do, we began rolling up our towels into "rat tails" and snapping them at each other. They can leave quite a welt, especially when damp. Hello Mudcatters! I've been away for a while and I'm gonna be going away again, but I had to check in.

What began as fun took on a very earnest note (typical male stuff) and I was slowly losing. Not wanting to give up, I began backing up, still snapping my towel in defense. Suddenly I realize I am about 20 feet outside the bathhouse door with nothing on except the towel in my hands. Only then did my friend (who still has his suit on also realized what had happened. I am sure I turned red, quickly dropped my towel to my waist and headed back to the bathhouse. I do not know who if anyone saw me, but I spent some extra time in the bathhouse hoping whoever had seen would leave and I wouldn't have to face them.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:02 PM

Okay, I've got one for you.
When I was 17 years old, coming home late one night after a party, having had way too much to drink. I thought I could sneak past my dad who was still up reading in the den. But instead, he started talking and wanted to know if I had a good time at the party. We had a short little chat and said our goodnights. I thought I had pulled it off quite well. He did not notice how drunk I was. Then when I went to go change for bed I realized my sweater was inside out and backwards.
My dad was a very wise man.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:49 PM

Egging cars with friends one Halloween, age 11 or so. Friend tosses one on a cop car!!! Duh!!! We all scatter. behind me I hear heavy footsteps, my friend the egger right behind me. I run right into an impenetrable bush. Turing to snarl and swear at my stupid friend, I begin with "You F***ing A**hole... oh. Officer, it's you."

"Yes, and we're going for a little ride."

Then there was the night another friend and I TP'd my own house, ran out of TP, and she knocked on the door to ask my mom for more TP. TP was provided, and we continued to do the most bee-u-tee-full job we had ever seen. Practice is important, and I try to apply that now. Unfortunately none of my stories quite measure up to my sister's high school-aged naked golf course outings, called Maneuvers, involving teams hunting each other in the dark.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:09 PM

Praise! Such language from an 11-year-old? Shameful!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Lor
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:32 PM

My hubby doesn't like to tell this story, so I'll have the pleasure to tell it me-self!

Back in the mid-'70's when hubby was an idealistic freshman in college & ready to live a little, he was eyeing a "pretty" girl who sat near him in one of his classes. He was painfully shy with girls & was trying to work on a smooth approach to ask her out. Meantime, back in the dorm, he & his buddies decided that since streaking was the thing to do at the time, they would go for it! So Friday nite they had a beer, planned their path to travel, stripped to bare-necked & tore out of their dorm -- takin' it to the streets. Laughing his head off & flapping free and easy in the breeze he rounded the corner only to run into... the girl he was dying to ask out!!! She definitely SAW him -- he was mortified...(and knew there wouldn't be a date)...so much for smooth approaches!

~Lor.

sorry, hubby -- just had to tell it (one more time) :)

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:37 PM

Lor, you married him anyway tho?

Mbo, I've only been a pastor's wife 7 years!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:48 PM

Well I'm only 21, and I never use profanity at all...can't see myself doing it at 60 either. I would have said "Hark, thou scurvy patch! Oh...hello officer!"

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:50 PM

Yeah but I talked my way out of it at the station house, so apparently I was irresistable even then, despite my foul mouth. *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Lor
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:59 PM

Praise~

Yes, I did indeed marry him -- streaked past & all! By the time I met him he was wise enough to keep this little funny to himself...until AFTER we tied the knot. And he had worked on his approach, too! LOL!

~Lor.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:04 PM

But does he keepo his FANNY to himself, and to thine self only be his fanny troo?

He doesn't streak at the mall or anything? Oh, rats!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,The Beanster
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:11 PM

Oh the pain, the misery of telling this one...

When I was 14, I was hanging out with my sister one weekend who was in her freshman year at college. She was cool, her friends were very cool and through association, I figured I was pretttty darn cool myself. Well, we were all hanging out at one of her friend's houses and we were talking and playing records and I was fitting in quite well, much to my amazement. Of course, I had made sure to dress cool and say a lot of cool things. So eventually, The Cool One, yours truly, has to go pee. The bathroom happens to be right off the living room with the door facing the living room. I'm sitting, peeing, happy and most of all, verrrrry cool...until someone (a guy, even worse) innocently opens the door, starts pulling it open, slowly, not watching, while he's still talking to the folks in the living room and I'm SO embarrassed, sitting on the toilet, I can't even make a sound to get his attention to tell him to stop!!! before it's TOOO LAAAATE!!! But no, he pulls the door open all the way, in full view of all the people in the living room!!!! Holy Mary Mother 'O God. He quickly said, "Oh! I'm so sorry!" and closed the door--but let me tell you, I wanted to flush myself right down the toilet just so I would NEVER have to come out again! LOLOL Horrible. Just horrible.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:39 AM

Thank you all for making me feel fairly normal. I did not relate to you one of my most embarassing episodes as I thought it was a little bit personal. But I can see that we are all friends and hope no one will be offended by my next offering. Women in particular with empathise with this. I wrote down my experience in poetic format...read on....
As your soaped and showered naked body
Climbs up onto the couch
(Please use the steps provided)
The doctor utters the imortal words
"Knees up and let them flop open"
And he smile a reassuring "I've seen it all before" sort of smile
But you don't believe it
He tells you to relax
(its a joke isn't it)
As his freshly rubber gloved hands
make their way between your legs
He talks about his holiday in Lanzerote
And you try not to pass wind
Apparantly you have a wonderful cervix
(cant wait to tell everyone)
He turns and picks up a large metal object
Which look like a set of curling tongs
(Shampoo and set please)
The speculum is inserted
Slick as a flick knife
He shines a light where no light has shone before
The wonderful cervix is still wonderful
And he still has a tan from Lanzerote
The dreaded object is removed
with a slurp
You try to cough to cover it up
Fail
And pass wind

Patrish ....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:59 AM

I think they oughtta light 'em!

BTW, the technical term for the professional involved is MD (Muff Diver). I tell all my doctors that, they love to laugh over it. Turns out they have a bit of generally-unexposed embarrassment over these processes as well!!!

There are other circumstances when a lady can find it even more embarrassing to pass wind when in a simliar position.

Yes?

BTW, a real lady never farts, but poots, I've been told, so hey! That lets me out!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:59 AM

Oops forgot to put my name in the last post, sorry
Patrish

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 12:17 PM

Patrish, I honestly think those Docs don't get embarrassed unless the patient does. I used to "chaperone" and concentrated on chatting with the woman. (Usually this ended with the Doc saying "Thank you Jeri, you can go now. Jeri? The patient has to get dressed..."

Embarrassment breeds. I used to interview sexually transmitted disease patients. I told them about the disease they had, and explained my job was to stop it from spreading by treating all their partners, so I was going to ask them a bunch of nosey questions, (after they got a chance to ask me questions) - i.e., with whom, when, which bodily location, etc. This was embarrassing for me for about the first 4 or 5 times I did it. (The patient was embarrassed, I got embarrassed, the patient got even more embarrassed...) I guess I finally got de-sensitized or something.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 12:51 PM

Mbo - you lie! You use profanity, I've seen it in your posts.....and I believe I heard a couple of "bloody"'s over hearme the other night.....

that counts, y'know.....*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:27 PM

bloody, ain't swearing

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:36 PM

depends on who you ask, bert. My grandma washed my mouth out with soap for that one.....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:41 PM

WOBH

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 03:51 PM

well - I used to be a building society manager and one day I noticed that there was a highly suspicious man lurking outside the front of the office windows. He was grubby unshaven and had a woolly hat pulled down over his eyes which virtually covered his face. In those days the cashiers did not have security screens and we were very sensitive to anyone who was a potential bank robber. He continued to stare through the windows and because there was a queue of customers and with their safety in mind i called the local police station and asked for an officer to come poste haste. This duly happened with the police car screeching to a halt and two policeman accosting the suspect. Everyone's attention was drawn to this including Sally the temporary cashier.'Why are they arresting my Dad?' she cried. Her father, a local farmer was waiting to take her for lunch... anyone can make mistakes!....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: kendall
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:38 PM

I did a performance at a big outdoor gathering, and, at the time, I was doing Three legged man. That always brought a laugh. After my set, I was hunkered down, putting my guitar in its cas, and, I heard a creaking sound approaching. It stopped right alongside me, and I knew it was an artificial leg. I looked up, expecting to be chastened, but the man was grinning, and wanted to know if I could be hired to do a show for some gathering of handicapped folks. 'course I was relieved..

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:45 PM

Great story, Ickle Dorritt!

I am not sure if this next story is a most embarassing moment, but; some years ago, making a modest musician's income, I was approached by a freind who had hurt her back. She wanted to know could I fill in for her as an artist's model while she recuperated; daytime hours, 2 hour classes, good hourly rate, 5 classes per week, four weeks max - sure I could handle that ... 'it's nude modeling, is it still OK with you' - being a liberated (and macho) sort of guy I said, 'No problem'. But then the day I got there, as I got undressed for the class, it was very difficult. I knew I was committed but I kept wondering to myself "Jed, how do get yourself into these things?"

There is no punch line to this story. I worked my 4 weeks, and didn't extend the contract - but this was a generally humbling experience.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:47 PM

And they didn't notice the switch Jed??

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 07:12 PM

BERT, YOU HAVE TO READ MORE SLOWLY-- HE SAID HE DIDN'T EXTEND

oops sorry caps

to the rest of these--

oo oo oo oo oo oo o ooo oo !!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 07:16 PM

OOOOOOOOOO Praise you are SOOOOO naughty!! LOL LOLDidn't extend..........

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 07:17 PM

thankyouverymusch...

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 06:05 AM

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 06:35 AM

I'm embarrassed already, I hit the wrong button. Anyway, Sydney 1970, three sailors - me one of 'em. Lots of beer, find some girls, find a party. Passion time, engaged in activity with tongue fully extended. All okay until the fine membrane of skin on the bottom side of tongue slips down into gap in front teeth and gets caught there ! Cannot retract tongue into mouth - very painful. Girl puzzled to say the least, thinks I'm just fooling around. It's very difficult to be coherent with one's tongue hanging out of the mouth, try it, just a lot of slobber & dribble. Found one of the mates who organised a taxi for us to an all-night chemist. The taxi driver was pretty chary, guess he'd never had a passenger before who kept his tongue out for the whole trip. The chemist put a small clamp on my teeth and opened the gap, the membrane slipped out, and tongue retracted. Joy of joys ! The muscles at the back of my throat ached for days. The mates ribbed me for years. It's funny though, when you fall off a horse .................

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 04:48 PM

Hey Patrish, I am always pulling tampons out of my pockets!!, I've even done it at school when looking for some polo's to give out in class!! (For the rest of you- I am male!) just that my Mrs never carries a handbag and so I often have pockets of all sorts of things...... Anyway......... When I was a spotty teenager I used to travel to paddington tech college on the tube (subway? underground) from Balham. One day crowded, as usual, I was suck face up against the doors of the carriage wearing a clean white baggy shirt. I saw this real pretty girl on the platform and leaned to the edge of the opened doors, just as the doors were shutting. I couldn't step back as there were a few people stood close behind me now, and the doors shut on my shirt with the buttons trapped!. The next few stations, the doors open on the other side-so I travel with my face stuck to the glass, my shirt trapped in the doors and more and more empty seats-even when we stopped for signals for about five minutes (the northern line was always terrible) I could see out of the corner of my eye people wondering why I was standing so close to the doors.I couldn't say anything, just turn and get redder and redder. When I eventually got to a station where the doors opened my side I had two enormous dirty black sticky rubber/grease lines down the front of my shirt and had to spend the whole day like it. Serves me right I guess. Eric-see you at the jug. Hope you have clean knickers.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 05:16 PM

bert - they sure noticed the switch. My first class was all women; 23 of them. One of the ladies did a drawing for one of the long poses, of me from the knee to the navel. It apparently pleased her instructor because he hung it on the wall of the hallway leading to the art department. Thankfully the drawing did not depict my face, so my genitalia was anonomously posted for the duration of the semester.

It was a coincidence that I was also booked to play a concert at that same college, and the ads for that show were all over the campus throughout the time I spent modeling. No one ever seemed to make the connection at first (I presume they didn't recognize my photo since I was wearing clothes in the pic) but the last week I was there the instructor figured it out, and asked if I would pose with my guitar for the last class. Thankfully, I got to do that class fully clothed.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Elektra
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 07:38 PM

Here's one for ya...

I was having my bathroom re-tiled, so I was using my son's bathroom to take a shower. No sooner had I heated the water to the right temp and stepped in, than I realized I had forgotten to bring a clean towel. Without turning off the water, I stepped out and 'round the corner into the hallway, glanced into the closet, saw there were no towels, and as I turned back around I said "Honey, I need a...towel..." I trailed off, as I looked up to see my at-the-time-live-in-boyfriend had just answered the door on my ex-(but-still-friendly-though-greatly-disliked-by-my-then-current-lover)boyfriend who were both standing in the doorway some 20 feet away, speechlessly gaping at me in all my naked, dripping, defenseless glory. I guess I hadn't heard the door over the water noise and they *naturally* looked over at the sound of my voice. "Ahem." I cleared my throat and shook my index finger in the universal "just-a-minute" gesture to puntuate as I said with a sheepish grin, "If you gentlemen will excuse me for just a moment..." and dashed back into the bathroom to finish showering, laughing hysterically until Lee (then-current) brought me a towel. Of course the whole exchange took less time than it does to read -- less than ten seconds probably.

The most hilarious part about it was that in that throat-clearing second I briefly considered simply brazening my way across the room to get a towel from my bedroom (after all, they've BOTH seen me naked PLENTY of times, right?), but then decided that Lee wouldn't have appreciated my logic.

Believe it or not, though I was concerned about Lee getting bent out of shape, aside from that I found it incredibly funny and not the least bit embarassing. (For whatever that says about *me*.) They, on the other hand, were too shocked to say _anything_. So perhaps it doesn't really qualify. Nonetheless, I thought you might appreciate it. ;-)

*elektra*

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 11:53 PM

great story elektra!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:20 AM

John Gray, that's one of the funniest stories I've heard. These are all hilarious.

I have so many it's hard to choose...I live an embarrassing life, I think. But on the theory that it isn't nice to lurk and laugh at everyone else's stories without exposing your own foolishness:

After the kid's dad and I divorced, I decided that the *next* man in my life was going to be sophisticated, financially secure, professional -- all the stuff my husband hadn't been. Sure enough, one of the town's young bankers invited me to meet him at the local park and we would go running together. So I dashed home after work that day and started putting on my running shorts. However, I hadn't actually gotten around to doing laundry yet and the only undies I had were some fairly baggy ones that were actually the bottoms of my pajamas. I thought they'd do just fine, and I put them on, pulled on my jogging shorts and drove over to the track. We were running around the track, talking, panting and all of a sudden I looked down at the precise moment he looked down and discovered that my baggy navy blue underpants had slipped down out from under my jogging shorts and were draping out on either side of my shorts. I was mortified. Luckily, I had already decided I couldn't abide this particular man, and my opinion was confirmed when he failed to laugh at my predicament and just looked MORE constipated and horrified. Those of us who are clowns by nature should mostly spend time with people who'll have the good sense to laugh at us!

WyoWoman

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Hagbardr
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:43 AM

This one happened just tonight. I was driving home, listening to Queen at full volume, and singing along (at full volume). I pull up to the light and continue singing when I look over at the car next to me and see three teenagers laughing hystericly at me.

So I roll down the window and let them listen too.

Hagbard

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 04:31 AM

Selective memory or what Micca - how about that time in Barcelona? This was a giant festival, with over 600 giants from around the world, plus all their teams, about 6000 people in all. It was one heck of a party! It started as a formal reception, so we dressed formally.....

Micca was wearing his kilt, danced very energetically and got sweaty, as you do. Of course, being a traditionalist, he wears his kilt traditionally..... yes. Or rather, no..... There was nothing in the way of clothing to soak up the aforementioned sweat, and so he got a little chaffed.....

On arriving at our billet, he proceeded to rub some soothing creams upon the sore patch, not realising that the "soothing cream" he had chosen specifically says do not use on sore or broken skin......

Ever seen a grown man, stark b****ck naked, save for a pair of socks and skien dhu, do the highland fling in the cool night air on the public balcony, whilst waving his tackle in the air and hooting obscenities?

There were four of us in the room, all of whom were too paralysed with laughing to either a) offer anything in the way of assistance, aid, sympathy or support; b) grab a camera - of which there were three to hand; or c) grab the video camera, that was barely 2 feet from my hands.....

LTS whoisabouttoleavethecountryveryveryquickly.....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: The Shambles
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 12:43 PM

My first job, at 16, was as a van-boy (driver's mate). I was terribly shy but I felt that I had to play the part. It was the thing for us young lads and one of the compensations used, to relive the boredom of regular trips through West London traffic, to leer-at, whistle and call out to attractive young ladies. Such clever phrases as 'allo darlin' and 'whoooa' spring to mind, from those pre PC days. I did get my 'just desserts' however.

There was one particular girl that I used to embarrass, in this fashion every morning, as she queued for a bus. Despite this apparent bravado, I did confide (unwisely) in my driver that I did in fact 'fancy' this young lady very much indeed.

Unknown to me, he decided that he would help. Next morning as I wound down the handle and proceeded to hangout of the window to begin my usual performance, he stopped the truck. After the first whistle I found myself stationary and face to face with the object of my affections and completely at a loss as to what to say or how to proceed. She found it most amusing as did the rest of the queue and my driver really enjoyed my discomfort. I kept smiling at her weakly and turning round to the driver and whispering, out of the corner of my mouth "drive on you B*****!

I did meet with her a little time after that and we did go out together. She did recognise me but to her eternal credit she did not ever mention the incident and of course I did not bring it up either.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:03 PM

(Barky, skip this message.)

My first sexual experience was one of the most embarassing moments of my life.

When I was 17, I worked at a movie theatre, back in the days when there were ushers and smoking sections (lodges I believe they were called.)

The projectionist who was in his mid 30s at the time, married and shameless womanizer and a toker, took a shine to me, and we also shared a common bond in the fact that we both liked to toke.

On my breaks, I would go upstairs to the projection room and get high with the projectionist. Over a period of time, we became pretty close as friends, and one day, while having a break up there, he point blank asked me if I'd ever been laid. I admitted to him that I although I'd bullshitted alot of people about the fact that I had, in actuality the answer was no, but that I really wanted to. He said he'd set it up and take care of it.

Several days later, while I was working the door, two fairly attractive girls in their early 20s showed up, one of whom was pushing a baby carriage with a baby that looked to be about 4 months old. They asked to be able to go up and see the projectionist...so I let them in and showed them upstairs. I was then introduced to the one with the baby in tow. She was cute, had a decent figure and was well endowed and about 5 years older than me. We all toked up, and then she took me aside and invited me to her place the following Saturday, to get high and hang out, as she put it.

I had my mother give me a lift to her house, lying to my mother and telling her I was going to a male friend's house to check out the first and newly released Led Zepplin album.

I get to the house, and there is no answer when I knock on the door. I go around to the backyard (it was a hot summer day) and there she is, sun tanning herself topless. I was startled and shocked, having never seen bare breasts in the flesh before. The only reference point I'd had up till now was the braziere section of the Sears catalogue, a favourite bathroom companion at the time.

She reattaches her top, we go inside and toke up...and I was real nervous, perspiring heavily and feeling totally out of control emotionally. (Scared shitless would be a more appropriate term.) We made idle chit chat for a while, with the baby sleeping in a crib a few feet away.

Finally in what seemed to happen all too quickly for me, the next thing I know she is lying totally naked on the couch beckoning me. I start breaking into a cold sweat, still fully clothed, and get my wallet out, which contains a 3 or 4 year old condom that I had been carrying with me for prestige and ''just in case'' for such an opportunity...

The moment of truth arrives and I start to remove my pants fully expecting that I will be erect, and to my utter shock and panic I am completely flacid...and of course no one had ever told me that it worked much better applying a condom if one was erect.

For 10 minutes (but felt like an eternity) I struggled trying to get this condom on (and of course all the lubrication had long since dried out, so there was no ''help'') and I was just sweating buckets. There was no friggin' way that condom was going on.

Girl looks at me and says '' you've never done this before have you?''...and seems mildy irritated while lying there spread eagled waiting for me...and I reply '' sure I have. It's just been so long, that it feels like the first time'', ever the cocky teenager, wilting more and more by the second.

Finally she says, forget the condom, you don't need it..cummere...

I climb on board, very conscious of this baby in a crib a few feet away, nothing is happening physiologically with me, and all I want to do is get the hell out of there, so I can run home and jerk off in peace, get into bed and pull the covers over my head...I manage to get about half an inch inward, and then there is a loud knock at her door. I jump off of her and bolt into her bathroom with my clothes. I get dressed and climb out through her bathroom window (ground floor) and run down the street totally freaking out...and walk the 4 miles to get home.

Couple of days later I'm back at work, and get high with the projectionist, and he's just killing himself laughing, and embarrassing me further with little humourous quipps and put downs...I never did see this girl again...but one of my most common recurring fantasies is to be magically transported back in time and resolve the situation with her good and proper.

It would be another 2 years into the future when I finally got this sex thing right, and it was with someone that I had taken the time to get to know with an emotional bond in place.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Micca
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:55 PM

ok Liz, what about you Dancing the Can-can in the pub car park with 12 guys dressed as women and assorted women????? We demand to know.....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:57 PM

Too Revealing to give my real name, that was some story.
Maybe it was best that your first real experience was with someone who offered you intimacy within a more loving connection.
The way I see it, is way back then you were showing sensitive and tender qualities in your character that were not willing to be compromised. Your integrity directed you to wait until you found someone who would really care.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 02:00 PM

Yeah, Neo, I like him too!

I have a funny first-time story too but not till I reset my cookie!! I doubt it will seem as lofty in your estmation as this one was though.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 02:33 PM

Well Neo, your comments are appreciated...but in reality I cannot boast that at the time ''I was showing sensitive and tender qualities in my character that were not willing to be compromised...and that my integrity directed me to wait until I found someone who would really care''...

I really really wanted to have sex with this woman. There were no honorable intentions, and let's face it, with very few exceptions, all men are pigs.

My hormones were running rampant...but I was totally freaked out, scared shitless, and was not in control...

A couple of years later, I was in control and I managed the situation...

...so I wasn't really as honorable as you'd like to think I was...I was just a guy being, a guy...

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 03:45 PM

Can can? What Can can???..... And you were the one in a dress.....

Now if it were the grapes incident.......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Micca
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 09:01 PM

Here is the scene,it is a Folk festival camp site, 2.30 in the morning, a blind friend, Mark, p***ed as a banana, feels sick, gets out of his tent and noisily makes it to the nearby hedge and starts throwing up, 2 female members of our group hear him and get out to make sure he is OK and, as he is blind, don't worry about dressing, they have 1 pair of skimpy knickers between them (its a warm night). So there they are holding him up as he pukes, when it suddenly becomes very bright and a voice says "Hello, Hello, Hello, what have we here then", 2 Policemen on patrol have them in their torchlight and are trying, with very little sucess not to burst out laughing.
The scene shifts to 2 weeks later and one of the "ministering angels" is nervously watching the Best Man at her wedding stand up to begin his speech.
Everything is ok until the last 2 telegrams
I ( for it is I) read the penultimate " from Mark (the blind guy)I don't know how she will be in health but she is a great support in sickness"
" and finally " we hope to see more of you sometime" from 2 Thames Valley policemen"
I never knew anyone could turm so red, so quick.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 11:30 PM

GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name--

Some of us still like you anyway, but your honesty also is cute!

Ah, ladies, where were we when he needed us, then?

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 12:12 AM

Praise,

Thank you....and for the compliments.

Yeah.....so where the hell were you? *BG*

Back though, at that particular point in time you were probably doing what I meant to be doing...except you knew what you were doing.

I've had a wee bit of practise since then. *BG*

Anyway, probably nuff said on this topic.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 12:23 AM

In retrospect I should have named the story, ''Portanoy's Complaint meets Kurt Vonegut.''

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 12:24 AM

Oh you kid!