Song Challenge! Part 14

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:49 AM

Well, my goodness! After munchkins, ferrets, panties, and streakers, and considering the recent Carnival / Mardi Gras madness, I thought we could all use a good stiff drink (that is, unless you've given up the hooch for Lent!). So here's a little story of compassion and sharing that deserves a good song or two --

On Air Traffic Controller Excuses for Stealing Drinks: Peter Smith, an air traffic controller trainee, excuses himself to the judge after being charged with the theft of a glass of beer from a bar -- "I am definitely not guilty. Making my way home from the control tower, I saw a man standing in the street with a glass of beer in his hand. He told me that the glass was stuck to his hand and asked me to help him get free of it. When I had done so, he gave me the glass and its contents by way of a reward."

GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 10:53 AM

No suds to give up here, just junk food for me! Nothing but fruit snacks until Good Friday for me! Well...this one is sure interesting, Áine! I'll have tae think about it....hmmm...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Hyperabid
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:47 AM

Well as it looks like I'm stuck in the office 'til doomsday, this should give me something to think on whilst I wait for the world and his wife to provide me with information that should ahve been here hours ago...

Sob...

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:16 PM

ALE AILS
to the tune of Red-Haired Mary

As I was coming home from labours
Just about the hour of nine
Standing there outside the barroom
What do you think that I should spy?

chorus:
Keep your hands off of my ale, sir!
I would never be a thief
It is but my just reward, Sir!
For helping drunkards on the street!

A man was standing in the alley
Pale and shaky as could be
Help me, friend, he called to me
For I'm as deperate as can be

chorus

See the glass stuck to my hand now
Full of ale foamy and brown
I have need of both my hands now
But there's no place to put it down!

chorus
So I took the glass he offered
So both hands to use could he
For his bladder was a burstin'
The poor man just had to pee!

chorus

When he was done he took a look
At the glass which I had took
Turned pale green, and said to me
Keep ale and glass in lieu of fee!

Chorus!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:25 PM

Yea MMario!!! A grand beginning song for this challenge!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:35 PM

oops! final verse....

That, lieutenant, is the answer
Why I'm here with glass in hand
Though it looks as I'm a thief,sir
What you see is an honest man!

chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:49 PM

I'm just an air traffic controller
Directin' planes is mighty hard
I'm just an air traffic controller
Directin' plains is mighty hard, ain't it hard
So I likes to go downtown at night
And stroll with pleasant disregard

I was walking though an alley
And this man he say to me
I was walking though an alley
And this man he say to me
This beer glass is stuck in my hand, son
Friend, won't you help me break free?

So I put my hand around that glass
And I gave a mighty tug
Yeah I put my hand around that glass
And I gave a mighty tug
But that glass it would not move
It was plumb stuck in his hand real snug

So I got out my Mastercard
I heard it was useful for stuff as such
Oh I pulled out my Mastercard
I heard it was useful for stuff as such
And I pryed with all my manly strength
Till that glass it popped out of his clutch!

Well that man he got so happy
He started to hoot and squall
Lord that man he got so happy
He started to hoot and squall
He said I could keep that glass of Michelob
He said I could go and drink it all

Oh the next thing I knowed
The po-lice had done cuffed me
Yeah the next thing I knowed
The po-lice had done cuffed me
They said I'd stole the beer from the bar nextdoor
And I had taken it quite illegally

They brought me before that judge man
Oh that man had a heart of stone
They brought me before that judge man
Lordy he had a heart of stone
But I told him what had happened
And he told the po-lice to leave me alone

Well I'm just an air-traffic controller
And I'm not one to whine
I'm just an air-traffic controller
And you know I ain't one to whine
That's why I'll tell you right now, boys
That that beer tasted so mighty fine!
Awright!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:55 PM

Mbo - do you have ANY idea how jealous I am of you???

dang! What I came back here to say was, given his story in "so embarrassed" thread, I would like to respectfully dedicate my above song (especially verse 4) to Jed-who-used-to-be-liam

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 03:16 PM

Mbo -- Great job! Do you have a tune for it?

MMario -- ROTFLMAO!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: MMario
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 03:30 PM

doing the happy dance!

I made Áine roll!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:06 PM

Well Aine, the tune is generally the same one I use for all Delta blues style songs I write, just as I have a fixed melody in mind for the Texas style blues I write. Kinda generic tunes, actually.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 04:58 PM

Mbo -- You gotta tell me this stuff, or how else can your song qualify for the Blue Fume Shield??? Now that I'm straight on the 'tune' -- how about a title??

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:28 PM

Can't you tell my Blooz tunes, Aine? Not even the Texas ones? I hope I don't get disqualified for using the same tune....Ok...the song is called "Air Bud Lite."

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:56 PM

The Wild Yankee Boy
(Tune: The Auld Orange Flute)

In the town of Chicago, in far Illinois
I had many a ruction as a wild Yankee boy
I've been collared and whalopped, and beat black and blue
But I bounced back from it all 'til I met Super Glue.
I had work in a bar there, amending decor
With wallpaper trim and some rugs on the floor
And one of the many tasks I had to do
Was to paste colored balls on the walls with that glue
 

Toora-oorali-oorali-oorali-o

On a step stool I clambered, with no thought of fear
With half of a sandwich and a full mug of beer
But I'd drunk it too quickly, and I soon lost my feet
And I fell on my keister and rolled into the street
I had glue in my hair, sir, and glue in my eye
The pain was enormous, and I started to cry
I had glue on my fingers, and glue in my ear
But I'd managed to not spill a drop of that beer!

I called on a passing-by gal of the night
With nail-polish remover, she soon put me right!
Though I smelled like a polecat, from arsehole to ear
I delightedly said she could finish my beer!
I gave her the glass though it still was full up,
I through in the mug, though it wasn't my cup
And the look that she gave me it warmed me quite through!
ANd I soon forgot all about damned Super Glue.

Next morning at Kresge's best makeup array
I looked over all that they had on display
For nailpolish remover, a pint of the best
For the jolly young walker who'd cured my distress.
But when I went seeking, she could not be found
Though I searched in the alleys and sidewalks around
When another professional told me quite clear,
She'd been thrown in the slammer, for drinking my beer!

Although she'd protested the brew was a gift
The local patrolman, he gave it short shrift
He thought it was tough and it made him a man,
To lock sultry Sukie up down in the can.
I'm off back to Kresge's for more Super Glue
And folks let me tell ye, what I aim to do!
I'll sneak up on that bastard and have me some fun
When his big ugly fingers get stuck to his gun!

I'll put glue in his pants in strategic locations
I'll  put glue in his squad car and watch his gyrations
This dick will soon learn better ways to employ
When he comes head to head with a wild Yankee Boy.
Then it's down to the tank at the headquarters place
To rescue sweet Sukey from her awful disgrace
And turn her all honest, and marry her too,
With a bond that is stronger than damn Super Glue

Now fellas take warning, a lesson for you,
And don't mix your drinking with no Super Glue
And always remember this moral quite clear,
You can go for free lunch,
But stay away from free beer!

Toora loooo, Toora leee
Here's a pox on the coppers from Sukie and me!

 
 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:29 PM

Oh Amos, me darlin' -- That's a grand prize winner, fer shure! And you'll be sending the sound file for that to me when??? This one I've GOT to hear!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:41 PM

(huge sigh) Grace be! Done pleased the GG...how she does keep us trailing along after her endless clouds of glory I'll never know!! :>)

I'll try and put it into a sound file tonight if I can -- after a meeting.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:20 AM

Couldn't get to it...p'raps tomorrow, then....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 09:32 AM

Troll, Bert, Bradypus -- Where are you guys?? Come on, this is a good one -- air traffic controllers and beer -- it's ripe for parody -- Hello -- Barky, don't let Dad out write you! I know you can come with something hilarious!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 08:47 AM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: GUEST,baldfiddler
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 06:20 PM

twas in the summer of eighty one about a month 'for Harry Chapin met his fate Ronny boy was at the helm of this unionless ship of state and to his shagrin the strike began and added to the overworked plight the air traffic controller's throughout this land set out to disrupt all the calm flight!

Chorus; Well I'm gonna get ya you swelly head strikers Yeah I'm gonna get ya I'll do what it takes I'm gonna do what they did to the wobblies bust a few heads and stomp on you snakes.

the air traffic controllers they needed some respite they're working them to death no rest day or night. They'll join together and try to stop all this madness that'll end with a whimper not even a real fight. 'Cause Ronny and the fed's they turned into gun thugs they carried their clubs and bashed in their rights.

Chorus

The air traffic clan were fired so quickly they were replaced with rank rookies in a blink Some never recovered some took up bad habits some were sucked to the bottom of very strong drink One was caught red handed a beer stuck to his palm ranting Ronnie's message for all to stay calm.

End Chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Bradypus
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 07:16 PM

I'm afraid I don't know the original well enough to do this justice, but how does this sound ?

That Magnificent Man

That magnificent man controlling flying machines
He sends them up tiddly up up, brings them down tiddly own down
But when work's at an end, to the bar he soon leans
He will sup tiddly up sup, drink it down tiddly own down

Sup! Down! Swill it around
Sway on one leg, and then fall to the ground
Can you picture the scene
That magnificent man controlling flying machines

On his way to the bar, what a very odd scene
There's a man with a glass and it's stuck to his hand
A sight that's most odd, O just what can it mean
There's a guitar by his side, he belongs to a band

Play Up! Strum down! Jam it around
Pick with your fingers, and make a cool sound
But when picking gets rough
Superglue on the fingers, he's heard is the stuff

Our magnificent man to the rescue has come
He removes the stuck glass, so the player can strum
As a gesture of thanks, what can the player do?
"This glass and this beer, here, I give them to you."

Sup! Down! Swill it around
Sway on one leg, but don't fall to the ground
Policeman arrives on the scene
Sees magnificent man fresh from flying machines.

In the court the next day he is taken by car
He's been set up tiddly up up, he'll go down tiddly own down
For the glass wasn't his, it belonged to the bar
He throws up tiddly up up, wash him down tiddly own down

Play Up! Drink Down! Joking around
Tip off the cops and then don't make a sound
The strummer really was mean
To the magnificent man controlling flying machines

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 09:22 PM

Great job, both to baldfiddler AND Bradypus!! Definitely worth the wait -- Now, baldfiddler -- I need a title and a tune (if you have one) to apply to your song. Bradypus, I'm afraid I have to plead ignorance of the tune you used -- is it the same as the title of your Challenge! song?

Thanks to both of you, Áine

(P.S. I've got a great Challenge! for St. Pat's Day -- well, I think it is, any way -- so, I'll announce the winners of this Challenge! tomorrow afternoon and post the new one on Monday morning. -- Á.)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Bradypus
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 05:51 PM

Aine -

The tune is 'Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines' by Ron Goodwin (I think). This was the theme to a comedy film about an air race some years ago. If the parody works, even without knowing the original, then I've managed something at least!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 07:32 PM

Actually the tune is, if I'm not mistaken, the same as That Daring Young Man On the Flying Trapeze, is it not? From 1910 or so?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 07:40 PM

Actually, Amos, I think the producers parodied the song you're talking about for the title of the film, but the film's title song was to a slightly different tune than the 'Trapeze' song -- which is a terribly sad song, by the way.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 08:08 PM

Oh, okay -- I had thought they used the same tune to Daring Young Man, which is only sad if you take it seriously. Strikes me as maudlin, and somewhat histrionic, which is common to a lot of those late Victorian tunes...ah woe, ah woe, poor me! Sniff... :>)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 08:02 AM

********AND THE WINNERS ARE*********

Here ya go, CHALLENGE!RS -- the Golden Cow Chip Awards for this Challenge. Congratulations and thanks for the fun! As soon as I get some more coffee down, I'll be posting the next one, so get those pencils, quills and keyboards ready . . .

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
I'm Gonna Get Ya by baldfiddler
That Magnificent Man by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Ale Ails by MMario
The Wild Yankee Boy by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
Air Bud Lite by Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Hyperabid
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 08:20 AM

Awww shoot.

Missed this one!

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 08:28 AM

so post late and do it anyway....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 08:59 AM

Dear Hyp,

The Song Challenge Official Policy for Late Submissions -- "We'll take anything anytime!!" -- Please do post your song -- it's never too late for music!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 09:12 AM

*she has spoken!*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Hyperabid
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 12:16 PM

Air Traffic Controller's Girlfriend's Blues

To the tune of a mean old 12 bar

I met a young airman But he wasn't crew He would tell those flyboys – where to go That's what he'd do At first it was sacred At first it was love But then the stress hit him Like a bolt from above

Chorus

Whisky makes him frisky Lager makes him drunk Wine sets him a lyin' Put my clothes back in my trunk I wish that I could trust him But I guess that ain't today If he hasn't mushed himself through beer He's pissed on Tanqueray

I gave him good lovin' To start it was good But then liquor stole heart The way it could First he was a titan Then he was a worm I guess I should forgive him But will he ever learn

Chorus

Brandy makes him randy Then a vodka with a twist Slap another schnapps down Then two planes have a near miss I wish that I could trust him But that's why I'm on my way Just the slightest scent of booze And I'm the one that pays

The final injustice He stole a man's drink Now I've been in enough bars to know What that man might think He said to the justice Please make me pay I'm stuck on booze – It was stuck on him I ain't a thief no way

Chorus

Shandy makes you sober Spirits make you lose You'll always end up the headline mug If you live your life through booze I wish that I could trust him But that's why I've gone today I've had enough – need better luck It's the bottle for me if I stay

(Bleeding Heart guitar solo to end)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 12:18 PM

Git doooooown, Hyper! That wails!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Hyperabid
Date: 13 Mar 00 - 12:23 PM

Cheers Amos :-)

I always said you were a man of superb taste as well as a gentleman, a scholar and an acrobat!

Aine - I notice I should make a slight correction the lines should read:-

I said to the justice Please DON't make me pay...

Thanks

Howlin' Wolf Hyper

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Hyperabid
Date: 14 Mar 00 - 04:33 AM

Where be you to Aine?

No gong for poor Hyp (sniff!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 00 - 09:25 AM

Ring that Bell!!! Hyper has a Weiner!! I mean, a Winner! Be patient, Hype - -the dear lass has her hands full with sniffles in the ranks at home, and they all want comforting from the Goddess, so she's up agin it. She will return in all her flame-haired glory anon, I am sure...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 14 Mar 00 - 09:41 AM

Whooooo! Whooooo!!! Ring that bell!!! Hey Howlin' Wolf -- if that ain't a primo Blue Fume Shield Winner, I don't know what is!

(Sorry about not answering sooner -- sick kids and exhaustion therefrom are limiting time at the 'puter for a few days . . . yawn . . .)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 14 Mar 00 - 10:01 AM

OK, Howlin' Wolf, there ya go -- It's official and in the Songbook - Another ,Golden Cow Chip with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield Winner!!

Congrats and thanks to all my lovely usual (and brand new) suspects. Well done again.

I'll have the St. Pat's Day Challenge up later this afternoon, the good Lord willin' and the creeks don't rise, and the temperatures on little foreheads go down.

Till then, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Hyperabid
Date: 14 Mar 00 - 11:20 AM

Cheers Aine...

Hyp sends zephyrs across the pond to soothe fevered brows and clear blocked noses.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Áine
Date: 14 Mar 00 - 08:58 PM

I now call to a close this Song Challenge (but, as per the policy so stated above, We'll Take Anything Anytime).

I'll be posting the Official No-F***ing-Dancing-Leprechauns St. Patrick's Day SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15 in a few minutes . . . get your pencils ready, boys and girls . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:39 AM

EARLY MORNING beer

.... With my early morning beer___, .... a thousand lives in my hands___

.... With a poundin' in my head___, .... I'm a tin pushin man___

.... I'm fresh out of school___, .... and I miss the parties so___

.... Well, a plane's about to land___, .... So I better go___

.... Out on runway number nine___, .... big seven-four-seven set to roll___

.... But the passengers would flee___, .... If they knew I was in control___

.... Now the liquor it tastes good___, .... But I better drink it fast___

.... I just can't take the guilt___, .... for the AirBus that I crashed___

.... Hear the mighty Guiness pour___, .... see the silver tankard rise___

.... That the way that I forget___, .... about my girlfriend as she flies___

.... Where the mornin' beer don't pour___, .... and they don't drink moon shine___

.... Well I'd give that girl a call___, .... If she was worth the time___

.... This old airport's got me down___, .... ain't no earthly good to me___

.... 'Cause I'm stuck here on the ground___, .... The bars don't open until three___

.... I can't guide a jet plane___, .... Without liquor in my brain___

.... So I'd best be out of here__, .... for my early mornin beer___

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:42 AM

In the second to last line, please delete "JUMP"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: SharonA
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:48 AM

Good one, Jack! My favorite line:

"Hear the mighty Guiness pour, see the silver tankard rise"!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 11:56 AM

Thank you Sharon.
Its my favourite too!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 14
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 10:44 AM

This doesn't require any further ado!

I've been a wild rover for many a year
But I've spent not a penny on whiskey or beer
But now I've been outed, the world knows the score
And I never will play the wild rover no more

CHORUS
No nay never
No nay never no more
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more

Me name's Peter Smith, I keep 'planes in the sky
And stop them colliding on their flightpaths so high
A job, you would think, that requires honesty
A concept which doesn't come easy to me

CHORUS

I went into an alehouse I used to frequent
And I called for a beer, though I hadn't a cent
I'd pulled this scam off a few times before
And as I was served, made my way to the door

CHORUS

But this time my plan went a trifle aglae
A big burly policeman stood blocking my way
"If you have intentions to pay for this drink
You'll not have to spend tonight in the clink"

CHORUS

My pockets were searched, and found to be bare
They had me caught by the short, curly hair
When asked by the judge to account for my plight
I told him some wild, unbelievable shite

CHORUS

I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done
And ask them to pardon their prodigal son
And when they consider if they should comply
I'll steal all their booze and away I will fly

CHORUS