Song Challenge! Part 17

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:09 PM

Here we go again, CHALLENGE!RS -- From the dull, grey and boring to the . . . well, uh . . . NOT! This idea is Barky's, so talk to Daddy Amos if you've got a problem with it(!) {Notice - this has been edited in places because I was just too embarrassed to type it. -- Á.}

Hey Mister -- Want A Little Extra Off The Sides?

Women in the Quebec city of Laval suspected their husbands and boyfriends were getting a bit more than a shave and a haircut at a local hair salon. Apparently, they were right. Police arrested eight people at Le Salon Sex Symbol, where stylists (disrobed), performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they clipped clients' hair, said police spokesman Guy Lajeunesse. The 2-month-old undercover investigation started after several women called police worried that the hairdressers were offering their husbands and boyfriends sexual services. Customers of the 5-year-old business received haircuts from scantily-clad women who 'for more money' (Ed. well, did 'very' naughty things). Though erotic hair salons are legal if no touching takes place, police believe patrons at Le Salon Sex Symbol could (do more than 'touch'). "We found some hair on the ground," Lajeunesse said. "One of the men got his hair cut. They have a few clients who just go for that. It's supposed to be the main attraction."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:22 PM

As a young sailor I was forced to get a haircut at one of those new Unisex hairdressing Salons. The young girl who cut and washed my hair then proceeded to get the hair dryer out and told me I was about to"get the best blow job I ever had" I am not sure if it was the expression of joy on my face, or her own realization of what she just said, she quickly left, and another girl came in to finish the "job" Yours,(still waiting)Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:32 PM

Good luck, Davey Mate! Lemme know if it comes through.

I want to make it clear that I had no prior knowledge of this Challenge, and do not condone this sort of soft-core titillation on the Mudcat. I think I will send Barky to work for Praise over summer vacation... which would really jump me out of the frying pan and into the fire... (**BG**)

Áine, I can only apologize for any embarassment this submission caused you. I will have a word with young Barky. I would take out my leather belt at this point, except she has already liberated it to use as a strap for her guitar (sigh).

Oh, well, I suppose she could always get a job writing for the Los Angeles Times...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:45 PM

Amos,

Barky is always welcome in Pennsyltucky, and we don't have near enough fun at our house since our son, who "prayed for our death on a nightly basis," entered the Navy's nuke propulsion program. (You'd have enjoyed having him, I'm sure a trade could have been worked out.)

So I am sure we can handle having here here, but... she would come back a new woman, and... well... we could leave the decision to her, but....

Tellya what. I have an invite all saved on WP for a weeklong houseparty for all of you to *visit* me and Hardiman here in the Northern Tier. I'll post it as soon as someone edits it for me, it's too damn long.

PS-- Amos, never choose between the frying pan and the fire-- you are always in both at the same time. Gotta give up that narrow thinking, dear!

~~T~h~e~~~B~i~g~~~G~r~i~n~~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:47 PM

PPS-- Hey, I know!!

Aine, let's modify the challenge, to make it adverising jingles for the salon! Or its clean competition next door!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:55 PM

That's the spirit, Praise! (pardon the pun *BG*) --

This CHALLENGE! is hereby modified to wit -- Write a advertising jingle about said subject and/or about the 'straight' barber shop next door!!

Well done, Praise -- Now, GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS --

(P.S. Amos, don't be too hard on our little darlin' - after all, you let one ferret-lovin' panty thrower in the door and see what happens???)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:01 PM

Waidaminnit-- are we 'sposed to throw our panties to Amos? I know he was a big help with mine but did I miss a key feature of denewbification?

I need to know. Tell the truth, too, I can take it.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:03 PM

Bajo picks in background the tune of "'Til I Came to Arkansas"

I never threw no panties
Til I came into the Cat
I was always much too dignified
To carry on like that!
But my palisades were overrun
My defenses were thrown down
And I became a garbage-mouth
Way down in Mudcat town...

Banjo fades out..

Wal, alright, she can elect her own vocabulary by now, I guess...besides it is pretty funny to think of the ramifications. "Honey, I'm going down town for a haircut..."
"But John, that's the third one this week!!!:

"Yeah, isn't it weird how fast it grows back since I started taking them there Vigra pills?..."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:11 PM

Well, he's cute, ya gotta give him that much.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:18 PM

Oh goodness! Ain't my face red! Praise -- I wasn't calling you no 'ferret-lovin' panty thrower' -- although I certainly hold no grudges against those folks what are -- I was jez makin' a little joke about former Challenge! subjects, i.e. the Panty Throwin' Challenge! and the Ferret Freedom Challenge!.

But you go girl, if yer in the mood to be tossin' yer Sunday best to the one and only Infamous Amos -- he really is a honey, ain't he! Jez as cute as a 'wired bee'!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:24 PM

No no no, I didn't take it that way, but you know he made off with mine recently in the most delightful, gennlemunly way, so clearly he has some experience in that area.... you know if we're going to have titles here I think he oughtta get one as the ..... anyone else care to go there?

Oh! Thread creep again!!! Forgive me O Lord.

That would be a whole new thread, I'm sorry.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 06:29 PM

Just for the sake of historical accuracy, the guy who made off with Praise's panties found them while pushing a pushbroom through the Mudcat Tavern the morning after Praise's ... umm..adventures in the Jello pit. They came up on the broom, which dislodged them from behind a potted plant or something in the corner...that's all. He merely thought the courteous thing to do would be to run them up the flagpole for the whole county to salute. An exercise in propriety of scale, you might say.

So don't be casting aspersions about anyone making off with them. I also notice you declined a gentlemanly attempt to return them to you! Now there's a twist to get your knickers into! Usually a lady has to decline the reverse effort!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 06:47 PM

Damn! I just mustered all my creative juices in Song Challenge 16, and now #17 is already up 'n running. I think Aine is repackaging these songs we're writing and selling them on the Singapore Black Market.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 06:55 PM

LEJ -- if you're running short of juices just imagine yerself getting a haircut. Kinda like Samson and Delilah... I loved your #16. This is addictive. I have to get a grip on myself -- we're supposed to be living a serious life here!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 07:30 PM

Dang it, Amos! I swear that I was in the tub having a 'Calgon moment' and working on this song with Dear Hubby, when you posted that Samson and Delilah comment! Well, now that you've blown my surprise, here it is anyway:

Delilah and Sam
by Áine and Dear Hubby
(Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike)

Chorus:
Her name is Delilah, if truth be to tell,
She's got my poor husband, Sam, under her spell,
If wishes were horses, she'd ride into Hell,
She's a hussy if there ever was one.

She rode into town in the back of a truck,
With her short-shorts and tube top, she was in luck,
A men-only barber shop was new in town,
Where all of the married men had run to ground.

The beauty and nail shops were now all a-buzz,
There were rumours that someone had called up the fuzz,
The 'No. 2 Special' wasn't all it appeared,
It seemed that Young Tommy'd lost more than his beard!

Chorus

The line from the door to the car lot was long,
And bare domes were spotted that didn't belong,
When asked what they needed when no hair was showin',
One said, 'I heard ladies here can get it growin'.'

This town used to sport many beards and mustaches,
Now you'd be lucky to spot a man still with eyelashes,
When they started to lose all the hair on their arms,
The women in town they rose up in alarm.

Chorus

I thought my dear Sam was immune to her wiles,
'Cause he never went in for fancy hairstyles,
But when he came home with a Vidal Sasoon,
I knew what he'd been planting out under the moon!

Oh Officer, Officer, please take her in,
A haircut should never be reason for sin,
And as for my Sammy, please send him straight home,
I'll make sure that he has no more reason to roam.

Chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 07:40 PM

In case you think this is all impossible, the following pr1ce list is from the web site of the insitution in question, which can itself be found here.

Coupe de cheveux
                                             Cabine privée             22 $
                                             Visionnement de film érotique
                                             La coiffeuse est en lingerie fine
                                             Options:
                                             La coiffeuse semi-nue+ 10 $
 
                                             La coiffeuse nue  + 20 $
 
 
 
 
 

                                           Danse en privé (20 min.)  40 $
                                             Options:
                                             Discutable avec l'hôtesse + 10 $ à + 30 $

 

 
 

                                 Venez rencontrer Stéphanie, Sophie et nos autres hôtesses

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 07:43 PM

TGG, no points for first in, since you had a head start. But that is definitely a fall on the floor qualifier! Nice job!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:05 PM

Oy Barky, yer killin' me here! How am I going to put together enough dirtyness to think up a song now! You're one NAUGHY NAUGHTY girl! But hey, y'know if you and Praise get one of these joints going....I get my hair cut every three weeks...HA HA HA Ho Ho he he cough cough....um...yeah...ok...sorry...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:08 PM

Police arrested eight people at Le Salon Sex Symbol, where stylists (disrobed),
 performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they clipped clients' hair, said police spokesman Guy Lajeunesse.

    Tarifs:                                         Cabine privée             22 $
                                             Visionnement de film érotique
                                             La coiffeuse est en lingerie fine
                                             Options:
                                             La coiffeuse semi-nue+ 10 $
                                             La coiffeuse nue  + 20 $
                                          Danse en privé (20 min.)  40 $
                                             Options:
                                             Discutable avec l'hôtesse + 10 $ à + 30 $

                                 Venez rencontrer Stéphanie, Sophie et nos autres hôtesses

Will Ye Go, Mikey?

Click to Play

Oh, the summer time is coming,
And the weather it is warming
And the wild blood is in me
For a clip from Sophie darling
Will ye go, Mikey, go?

Cho:

And  we'll all go to Lavall
Where the lasses are so willing
And the hairs they gently fall,
Will ye go, Mikey go?

Oh I think I need a haircut
Though I've had two this week already
But I need to see me Sophie,
And I'm just a mite unsteady
Will ye go, Mikey go?

I will drain out all my coin
From the bank on Laurentiles
And with it I will buy
Private cabins, private smiles
Will ye go, Mikey go?

I will buy myself a coat
Made of mink or lovely sable
And I'll show it to my Sophie
Pour les options discutable
Will ye go, Mikey, go?

If my barber is not in
I will surely use another
If my dear wife she complains
I will send her to her mother,
Will ye go, Mikey, go?

Oh the summer it is in,
Like no other come before,
For the barbers are sweet lasses
Waiting at the salon doors,
WIll ye go, Mikey, go?
 

And  we'll allgo to Lavall
Where the lasses are so willing
And the hairs they gently fall,
Will ye go, Mikey go?

 
 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:22 PM

Amos, thanks for the clarification. I meant what you said-- what did you think they thought I meant?

Unfortunately, you seem to have caused another sensation-- did you mean what Mbo thought you meant about sending Barky here?!!!!!????? Cuz I only gots the one sparr rume, ya know......

PS Love your song!

Aine-- I will SING that next jam time with our band!!! Ah swarr, missy!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:31 PM

Barky has an opportunity to go to Europe with a friend this summer, and also has a season at music camp. So it wouldn't be feasible -- I was in jest, trying yo imply that you would reform her for me, y'see. Then I thought about it and made the remark about frying pans and fires, y'see. So, I guess my old knack for foot-in-mouth disease is flaring up. Must be all the dirty songs Áinbe makes me write...ya put your right foot in, ya take yer left foot out...:>)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:31 PM

Anyone planning on writing a jingle? I've started one, just can't get it going very well...

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:34 PM

Oh, I understood it, Amos, but Mbo's version is kinda scary.

Folks, just to get it straight-- the ECW in our area will not help me open one of these places, even if it would be a great fundraiser!

And I wouldn't hire Barky, either, if I did open one--she's a nice girl!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:53 PM

Dang! Europe! And I get stuck here making pots and bracelets all summer! What a rip! Praise, I really think they'd go for it! You talk dirty to us AL THE TIME and we don't even get the complimentary haircut!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:55 PM

Áine,

You were in the tub, let me see if I understand this...working on dear hubby with this song, and he had a Calgon moment? So...that means it's good, right? (**BG**)

Praise. Mbo, I don't see what BArky said that started this all off, but I don't think she could pass the physical to work at Sophie's....and that's as it should be, for she is indeed a good girl.

Mbo, virtual is as far as it goes, unnerstan? If this seems hypocritical to you, well it is. And that's just as it should be too. :>)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:04 PM

Aine, was that a real tub or a virtual one, and a real Calgon moment or a virtual one?

Amos, Do you mean we're not supposed to actually DO everything we say here that we're doing? Sheesh, no wonder I got wacked out!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:05 PM

Well, there goes my luck again! I told you ALL about it in my song in the last Song Challenge! but no one believed me! This thread is getting me in BIG trouble with the man....think I'm gonna sit this one out too, before I get in MORE hot water! Sorry for everything...I'm gonna go cry now.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:09 PM

Mbo!!!

... umm, dearling.... you get a lot of haircuts, right?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:40 PM

As, I'm sure, are Stéfanie and Sophie and the rest, all, all nice girls...

--seed

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:43 PM

This is Dear Hubby speaking:

As to said 'Calgon Moment' -- It was real and I have the wrinkled toes to prove it. Oops -- there I go sharing again . . .

-- DH

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 01:27 AM

Dad? I couldn't pass the physical? Exxx cuuuse meeeee??????? I happen to have a very nice body, if I do say so myself! Oh, and what's Calgon? I'm too young and naïve to understand that. *Sarcastic roll of the eyes* **BG**

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 02:14 AM

Barky:

I would be the first to agree about the niceness of your body. However, to work in a place like Sophie's you have to go through certain physical changes which you don't want to mess with just yet. Tearing the heads off of maidens is no sport for the young OR the timid...never mind.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 02:20 AM

Calgon is a kind of bathbubble soapsuds, ducky -- think hot water and privacy and soapsuds...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 08:16 AM

Mbo - LOL!! No need to cry....I wasn't even slapping your wrist. Be of good cheer, old pal.

As always,

Amos

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: GUEST,Hyperabid at the chick's house
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 10:21 AM

Well it's morning over there and afternoon here so I guess I should say good aftermorning.

Hey guys n gals is it poss to log on remotely so I can pick up eprsonal messages and stuff or do I have to wait for my cookie at work?

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 10:27 AM

yOU CAN GO TO RESET COOKIE AND RESET CHICKS COOKIE TO LOG ON. bUT DON'T FORGET TO LOG OFF OR ANYTHING SHE WRITES AFTER YOU LEAVE WILL HAVE YOUR NAME ON IT!

aw crap, sorry caps locked.

Try this now and see if'n it works.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:20 AM

Thanks Praise

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:21 AM

Sorry Amos! I thought that Daddy was after me with a pitchfork! Ok, let me say that the Barkster probably has a great bod, sight unseen, but you know what they say....It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing!

--Mbo (doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo WAH WAH!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:26 AM

Meebo

Surely this is a opportunity for you to produce a classic 70s rock rendition?

Hyp ;-P

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Kara
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 12:05 PM

Cut and blow job.

I'll tell you a story that happened to me
one day as I went by Lavall on sea
I was there to see Mary a sweet heart of mine
and thought I could do with a brush up and shine

I went into a barbers called Salon Sex symbol
I wanted my hair cut just like Dave Trimble
imagine my shock when consulting the prices
the menu it sent my poor heart into crisis.

I was near ready to curl up and dye
when young Sofie approached , with a glean in her eye
my heart it raced faster than Pipe on the Hob
when she said "shall we start with the cut or Blow job?"

by the time I met Mary, I was well past my prime
but I must say my hair, it looked quite divine
I think next I go for the perm and the tint
and maybe when Stephanie's doing her stint

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 12:13 PM

Dear Amos and Kara -- Two excellent submissions for this Challenge. It seems like it taking a little time for folks to warm up to this subject; but, the results were worth waiting for!

Come on the rest of ya -- If you can do justice to Mardi Gras panty-throwing, you can do the same for La coiffeuse nue!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Kara
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 12:20 PM

we are only just recovering from friday night. Never mind only one more session to go and it will be Monday. Kids at school and we can realy put out minds to important things like dirty dittys

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:38 PM

And it's neck and neck for the Red Hot Barbers challenge....coming around the bend, the crowd is on its feet ladies and gentlemen...who will it be? Listen to that roar...suddenly a dark horse is seen a furlong back making rapid advances, he's coming up, around the inside, and closing rapidly folks, the Unknown Poet is streaming like liquid lightning and gaining fast...this is the most excting contest since the Dullard's Convenion, folks...raaaaaaahssha aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhoooaaaaaarrrrr galump galump galump...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:49 PM

I'm trying to catch up, Amos, but the Sad Eyed Young Poet/Junior Official Whiner can't! I reinterpreted Virgil's Aeneid into Quenya Elvish today. Right after I picked the dust mites out of my mattress with chopsticks, so I'm ALL TAPPED OUT tonight!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:53 PM

Gotta hand it to you, Kara -- I never would have come up with a couplet with "Salon Sex Symbol", and never would have thought of rhyming it with "David Trimble". That's inspired!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: ceitagh
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 12:04 AM

Meebs, i'm amazed you find time to talk to us poor mudcatters at all, what with the tolkien-esque translating pursuits and mattress parasites and all. Do you have the time to notice anything new about my post?

Ceit

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 12:08 AM

Yes, YOU'RE NOT A GUEST ANYMORE!!!! YAAAAY!!!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 05:07 AM

Yet again another opportunity to wallow around in gutter humour. Far be it from me to avoid the temptation...

So Needy

To the tune of So Lonely – The Police

V

They tell me if you have a snip
At this salon it's a naked trip
I'm not sure - it's just a blip
Or maybe a vasectomist's trip
But I just cannot stop myself
Don't tell the wife - tell no one else
Cos I have just have to take my chance
On a hairdresser who can lap dance

C

So horny, so horny, so horny
(Feel) so horny, (feel) so horny, (feel) so horny

V

So I just save my cash away
Look forward to that fateful day
I now somehow that I will pay
But mortal man - he sometimes stray
Finally I find myself there
Receiving the best cranial care
And now I find my morals lost
(Cos) I'm asking how much extras cost

C

So needy, so needy, so needy
(Feel) so needy, (feel) so needy, (feel) so needy

Well dancing Rita said to me
"Depends on what you want to see"
I said, "I want to see the lot"
"Depends on how much cash you've got"
I tendered 5 bucks straight away
She said, "If that's all you can pay
You'll have to take what we've got free
Meet my aging Gran instead of me"

C

Please help me, please help me, please help me
(Oh) please help me, (oh) please help me, (oh) please help me

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 09:35 AM

LOL!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 10:30 AM

Now there's a morality tale for ya!

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:56 AM

That's great, Hyp! Oh, the images that your song conjured up - ROTFLMAO!! Well done!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 06:31 PM

Well, it looks as if we've gotten all the entries for this Challenge! that we're going to get.

Just in case you haven't submitted your song yet, I'm letting all you Challenge!rs know that I'll be posting a new challenge in the morning. The Golden Cow Chip Awards will also be posted in the morning.

Thanks to those who have taken up the gauntlet on this one, and here's hoping that we've a couple more that do before tomorrow.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Bradypus
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 07:08 PM

I don't know if I dare - this is a new genre for me!

The tune is 'Lulu had a Baby'. If you don't know the original, I hope this still works. I checked Digitrad for Lulu, and the best it came up with was another song described as having a similar tune to 'Lulu had a Baby'. Make of that what you will.

The song takes the advertising jingle approach - but perhaps takes it a bit too far ???

Something for the Weekend

Come to the Salon Sex Symbol
We'll not let you down
For hair styling and other things
The hottest place in town
Come and meet our stylists
The finest in the land
And if you're frustrated
They'll give you a

Handsome haircut, square across the back
Salon Sex Symbol's the place
Not a run down shack.

Come and have a haircut
And other things beside
Come and watch a film with us
Just come for the ride
Lovely girls, all of them
All polite, not rude
For a few bucks extra
They'll trim you in the

New designer fashion clothes they wear
Quite the finest show in town
When they're cutting hair.

Come and take a cabin
Come and watch them dance
Such delightful girls
We're sure they will entrance
Pay a few bucks extra
And if you're in luck
Extra services they'll give –
You can have a

Face wash, beard trim, shampoo and blow dry
Everything to make you smile, not to make you cry
Hey there! Say there! How's about a kiss
Hey there! Say there! That's the end of this!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 07:09 PM

*Cetchy liddle jingle*

If you need a haircut,
and your wife will not put out,
Well take right off that thimble, friend,
Sex symbol's the place to scout!

For here, we are your friends,
And here, you don't need to hiiiiide,
And here, we cut your hair,
So you feel good inside! *HEY!*

Soooooooooooooo,
If you need a haircut,
and your wife will not put out,
Well take right off that thimble, friend,
Sex symbol's the place to scout!

*V.O.* La Salon Sex Symbol, the place to be! (On the corner of fifth and main, ask for Candy and you'll be let right in!)

~Barky
(In the middle, it changes some....actually, alot..... Um... yeah... put it to whatever tune you want. It sucks...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 07:27 PM

Hmmm...I'm still not too comfortable with the subject...so I'm a prude, what can I say? I have been thinking on one MAYBE, but I think it would be TOO evil to do up.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 07:41 PM

Nothing could be too evil, Mbo! *Big Evil Grin*

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 07:43 PM

Well, I'll try my best FOR YOU, after all, it was your idea in the first place!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 07:54 PM

That's my boys and girls! Come on down for a trim, y'all!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:15 PM

Aw shucks, Mbo! Oh, you guys'll like my choice for Wednesday night! It's "The Rose", and, although I go REALLY flat at some parts, and I just can't sing period, it's nice! I also did a second track with trumpet improv in the backround! I think you'll like it. =) (The instrument that sounds like a flute in the beginning is the trumpet)

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:21 PM

Attagirl, Barky!! I'm so glad you didn't wimp out on us -- although I didn't think your dad would let you (hee hee). I'll be sure to be listening Wednesday night, and I hope you're ready for the all the fan mail you'll be getting!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:29 PM

Oooh... I hope so! =) Actually, I was feeling REALLY bad about the way it sounded and I was saying things like, "Oh, they wouldn't want to hear me." etc., and my daddy said, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to!", and I, being the stoic type, kept on doin' it till it wuz dun!

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Homeless
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:29 PM

Áine - is that supposed to be "for a trim" or "for some trim"?

Seriously tho, this morning on my way into work some blues lyrics on this topic attacked me. Don't know if I can get them all worked out and put down tonight tho. Are post-award entries allowed?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:30 PM

Barky:

Just explain the part about the thimble would you? And "put out"...means what to you, exactly?

Aside from these little questions I enjoyed your song very much. But I am worried about this new turn for the earthen....I fear I have brought you to a place of Bad Influence...sigh....

Dad

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:36 PM

Dear Homeless -- The Offical Mudcat Songbook Policy On Late Submissions For Any Challenge! is . . . "We'll take anything, anytime! And don't worry about missing out on an award, either -- Some of our best entries have been the post-award ones (just ask Hyp and Bradypus)!

And as for the 'trim' thing -- I meant as in the trimming of hair on the head, and I really have no idea in the world what you could possibly have meant! . . . (yea, right!)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:43 PM

I love that Lulu takeoff Bradypus! Even did the tag ends beautifully! Way to go...

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 08:47 PM

Aww...you'll sound great, Barky, don't worry. Rule for Life #1--don't let ANYONE tell you that you are bad at something, and almost never believe it if you think it of yourself. Look at me! For years I had convinced myself that I couldn't sing, after years people telling me I couldn't. You've heard me...what do YOU think? I once said one thing I could NEVER do was write a tune by myself. Now look, I'm writing my own songs and tunes like it's nothing. Our minds and bodies are capable of so much moret than we give them credit for. Believe in YOURSELF and you'll always come out a winner.

Ah yes...the song. Should be done in about 20 minutes or so...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 09:30 PM

Mbo: You have an incredible voice!
Dad: OK: Thimble.. well, when people sew, they typically have thimbles on their fingers... and if that has anything sexual to it, well then.... TELL ME! *BG* And put out, well..... *ahem*... (Never thought I'd have to explain THIS to you!........ Well, when a man and a woman REALLY love each other.....

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: GUEST,Caitrin
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 09:45 PM

Man...I send my computer to get fixed, and look what I miss!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 10:25 PM

ARGHH!!!! I just lost the song! Now let me see if I can remember it!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Homeless
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 10:30 PM


The Closed-Down Beauty Salon Blues

I've always look spiffy
My clothes all on straight
My hair was so fancy
I always looked great.

But those days are over
I'll look smooth no more
Cause the ladies in town
have locked up the doors

I've got them ...
Closed-down Beauty Salon blues.

I loved all them gals
They put a smile on my face
every time I went down
to that hair cutting place

I'd just get a hair cut
and some eye candy
And then when I left there
I'uz happy and looked dandy.

I've got them ...
Closed-down Beauty Salon blues.

Them girls like to talk
Say my favorite thangs
Their words went real well
with them swivels and swangs

I ne'er even noticed
my hair being cut
My 'tention was focused
on somebody's

I've got them ...
Closed-down Beauty Salon blues.
(bridge, solo, whatever)
I've got them ...
Closed-down Beauty Salon blues.

I was always told
just to look and not touch
Them local polices
said that'd be too much

But it seems that some fellas
got carried away
They started to touchin'
So long as they paid

Now all of their wives
Said, "These antics must stop."
So they went down town and
they closed down my beauty shop.

I've got them ...
Closed-down Beauty Salon blues.

(spoken, as song fades out)
and my hair's getting shaggy
and I miss those girls
I guess I'll find a barber
to cut off my curls.
Why'd those ladies have to go and do that?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:24 PM

Ok....I know I'm never going to live this one down but...

(Tune Get a Haircut by George Thorogood)

You say your hair's too long, you look like a fool
You stare at girls all day, and you start to drool
But they ignore whatever you've got to say
Why not come and get some at our Salon today?

Le Salon Sex Symbol, yes that is our name
Just one stop at our place and you'll be glad you came
So if you need a little buzz on your knob
Come get a haircut and get a blow job

CHORUS
Come get a haircut and get a blow job
Come join our club, we make all members throb
So if you're looking for a trim or a bob
Come get a haircut and get a blowjob

If you want a crew cut, well that's ok
But five girls is the maximum, so our policies say
And if you've got something exotic in mind
Well to make our razors sharp, first we have to grind!

If you want the "the wet look" that's our specialty
You want witch hazel? We can get it on for a fee
It all ends up in a thick goopy blob
So come get a haircut and get a blow job!

CHORUS

All of our girls are very skilled with the hand
The best blow dryers in all of the land
Our favorite tune is "The Pipe on the Hob"
Come get a haircut and get a blow job!

CHORUS

Ugh....I feel so ashamed...so, so, dirty...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:43 PM

....no never mind, much too smutty a reaction to post.....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:53 PM

I feel I must admit it to you dad... You know that job I had? Well, *sniff* every day, *sob*, I would fly down to Argentina instead of *ack!* going to school, and, well... *Aaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!** *Sniff* I worked there.. *sniff* and now... I'M OUT OF A JOB!!!!!!! *waaaaaahh!!!!!!!!!!!*

~A very very sad Barky.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:53 PM

I feel I must admit it to you dad... You know that job I had? Well, *sniff* every day, *sob*, I would fly down to Argentina instead of *ack!* going to school, and, well... *Aaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!** *Sniff* I worked there.. *sniff* and now... I'M OUT OF A JOB!!!!!!! *waaaaaahh!!!!!!!!!!!*

~A very very sad Barky.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:55 PM

Hey look! Baby's first double posting! Oh, how cute!

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 11:59 PM

DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA! THE TRUTH IS I NEVER LEFT YOU!!

THROUGH ALL MY WILD DAYS, MY MAD EXISTENCE

I KEPT MY PROMISE, DON'T KEEP YOUR DISTANCE...

--Mbo (have I said too much, that's all I can think of to say to you...but all you have to do is look at me to know that EVERY WORD IS TRUE!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 12:03 AM

Hey! We played that in the same field show! We also did King Herod's song from Jesus Christ Superstar, A melody of Phantom of the Opera songs, and something else which I don't remember.

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 12:12 AM

Ah....doesn't Andrew Lloyd Webber just plain RULE!? Barky, you just gotta listen to Cats! That has the best brass and woodwinds music of any musical! Well, except for THE music, Les Miserables..."Bring Him Home" on Cor Anglais....ahh..bliss..

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 01:06 AM

Man, Mbo! I just knew you had it in you!!! So glad to see that you're not hiding your light under a bushel any longer!!! Mister REAL LIFE MBO!!! TADAAAAAAAAA!! What a day .... what a beautiful day....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 01:09 AM

Chicago has some pretty darn good brass, tho.

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 01:16 AM

FEVER!

Barky, you just gotta hear MacCavity from Cats...it'll blow you away!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 04:54 AM

Well you have all been busy little beavers (no pun intended) over the pond whilst we poor Europeans have been asleep.

Well done all!

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Homeless
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 07:07 AM

I surprised no one has thought of this one yet... It's simplicity itself. Or maybe they've thought of it but had the good taste not to post it...

Shave and a haircut... and two tits.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Homeless
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 07:49 AM

To the tune of The Beatles' "Come Together"

Up in
Quebec, in a
town called Laval, There's a
beauty salon, that's the
stuff of fable,
All the girls who work there dress exotic,
and they do the dances of the type so erotic.

If no one touches, then its
very legal, but the
men of Laval, like to
get their feels,
And the girl working here just offered me more
Now I'm gettin' my hair cut by a good looking whore

Come together, right now, with me

Tickle my nose, with your
short and curlies, just like
Bob DeNiro, s'the scent
of you girlies,
that makes me smile and drool so much
The hell with that old rule that states that I can't touch

Can we come together, right now, just for me?

Well it
seems my girlfriend, thinks my
trust needs tested, so she
called the police, and I
got arrested,
They closed down the nicest salon today.
Since we got interuptted do I still have to pay?

Come together, right now, just for free.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 09:28 AM

I knew it, I knew it!!! I knew y'all had a couple more songs in ya! Mbo - I have to agree with Amos, you've been 'outed' as a REAL MAN by that song; so, no more whinging about how you're a 'prude' anymore. We have the goods on ya now, young man (hee hee hee). Well done, I'm so proud of you.

Homeless - you're shameless as well, aren't ya? Just what we need around here -- join the family! And no, that little shave and a . . . business does NOT qualify as an entry; besides, I doubt seriously that it hasn't been thought of before. Good job on both of your songs!

Thanks for the late entries -- I think we've 'been there, done that' on this one (well, except for Barky and Mbo, perhaps), so I'll be posting awards this morning and starting the next Challenge!. The next one is a doozy, so don't miss it -- Just to tease y'all a little bit -- We've written songs about ferrets, panties, double entendre haircuts, marital infidelity, 'hooded' weddings, munchkins, online bovines, breakfast cereal, whacked chickens, enraged moose, nude shoppers, food, and bees with antennae on their bottoms; but, what subject have we NOT touched on in the SONG CHALLENGE! series yet?????

Stay Tuned . . . , Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 10:11 AM

Naked custard-throwing lesbian seals on unicycles?

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 10:28 AM

Gawd, but I love your twisted little mind, Hyp!!

- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: MMario
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 10:40 AM

I refuse to believe there are custard throwing seals. Custard throwing sea lions perhaps, but seals? Some things are just a bit too far fetched to believe in.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 11:53 AM

I'm glad to see, MM, that someone is keeping one eye on reality around here. I'm just trying to figure out who it is....:>),p>I love you guys!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 12:08 PM

Hyper <~~~~ Twisted? Moi?

LOL

Hyp ;-P

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 21 Mar 00 - 01:03 PM

OK Challenge!rs -- Here we go. Congratulations and thanks to all submitters and everyone else who just had a good laugh with us. The custard throwing seals are up next in a few minutes -- get your pens and sponges ready! And don't forget to let me know if you now qualify for the Whole Bag O' Chips award now.

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award:
Delilah and Sam by Áine and Dear Hubby

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
*Cetchy Liddle Jingle* by Barky
Come Together by Homeless
Cut And Blow Job by Kara
Get A Haircut by Mbo
Will Ye Go, Mikey? by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
So Needy by Hyperabid
Something For The Weekend by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
The Closed-Down Beauty Salon Blues by Homeless

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 04:23 PM

Jingle

We clip, We strip, no lip
We'll cut your hair in our underwear

Song I've Been Everywhere Recorded by Hank Snow Written by Geoff Mack

I was workin on a contract
In the little town of Laval Quebec
I was feelin kinda hairy
So I decided "What the heck?
I'll get me a little haircut
So I went looking to see what I could find
So I went to le Sex Symbol
And took my place in line
Things looked kinda crazy as I sat down in the chair
"I can see that you're real purty ma'am
But can you cut my hair?

Can you cut my hair ma'am?
Can you cut my hair ma'am?
I see you standing there ma'am
Just in your underwear ma'am
I have just one fear ma'am
Can you cut my hair?

I see rude girls, lewd girls, crude girls, nude girls
Corny girls, porny girls, horny girls and shorny girls
Nice girls, spice girls, on a bed of rice girls
Naughty girls, haughty girls, "Look what he just bought me" girls
Glad girls, bad girls, even on the pad girls
Small girls, tall girls, up against the wall girls
See girls, gee girls, keep your hands off me girls
Can you cut my Hair?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 06:51 AM

Since the story occurred in Canada, I've parodied that classic, Canadee-i-o.

It's of a gallant lady, renowned for cutting hair
Who looked divine in finery, and better when all bare
To combine such talents, to sea this lass did go
To seek her fame and fortune in Canadee-i-o

Oh Canadee's the place for me, where the whale-fish they do blow
Where there's beaver and there's caribou and in winter lots of snow
And if you feel frustrated to the barbers you can go
And take a little off the top in Canadee-i-o

Sadie Smythe is young and lithe and her hair is black as coal
And you should see that lady writhe around the barber's pole
She can trim your quiff and make you stiff, she puts on quite a show
Sadie Smythe will blow you dry in Canadee-i-o

"Something for the weekend sir?" purred the lovely Kitty Day
"Or maybe you can't wait that long! I'm happy either way
I always meet the client's needs, I never answer no
We're easy come and easy go in Canadee-i-o"

You rambling boys of pleasure, make your way along with me
In search of recreation, we will sail to Canadee
Let grass grow beneath our feet? Loud comes the answer no
And we shall not let our hair grow long in Canadee-i-o