MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 05:37 PM

Hey! Veridian III was the planet on which Dr.Soran planned to destroy so he could enter the Nexus. It was the planet Kirk died on...
Oh, and Mr.Boukay, mind the asteroid!

--Lieutenant Mbo

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Barky
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 05:34 PM

(A little bit belated, but... AGH!!!! MORE MEDALLIONS!) (See JenEllen's last post)

~Barky

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 03:42 PM

The Admiral closed the door behind him. "Well, Dr. Bosquet --"
"Please," said the Green Man, "Most people call me Boukay."
"Well, whatever your name is, you have already caused a stir among my crew. Some of them think you are a plant (the other sort), some of them think you should be nurtured and pruned. What is it you want, and what is my ship supposed to be doing for you."
Boukay smiled his verdant smile, and pulled out a battered notebook. "The truth is, Admiral, I am looking for some songs."
"What?"
"Old earth songs. I am a songcatcher. The Federation has agreed to take me to the outskirts of the Crab Nebula, where some of the Earthling remnant are supposed to be. What chance might I have of getting another cup of tea?"
"About as good a chance as getting to the Crab Nebula!!!!!!!!!! Are you serious?? I am supposed to hand this billion Fedbuck fighting starship over so you can go hunting for a bunch of tunes?" The Admiral began to go red in the face, which acted as an interesting contrast to Boukay's own viridian.
"Not a bunch of tunes, Admiral. Old earth songs." He sighed. "Let me remind you, Admiral, of the situation. As I was saying before you left, the remnants of the Earth were handed over in the late 21st century, and the remaining inhabitants enslaved or killed. The remnant that escaped, as far as we can tell, were members of a franchise on Mars that went over to the AOLT&T cosmorporation before the Great Iconowar that destroyed the planet completely. In the 5 centuries that have passed since then, those few Earthling survivors emigrated throughout the emerging cosmos.
"Yes," said the Admiral impatiently, "I know all that. I am Terran myself, and proud of it."
"Yes, but of course you aren't really pure Earthling. Just because you have Terran blood, and call yourself a Terran, doesn't mean that you have more than a trivial connection to that past. There are very few reasonably coherent Earthling communities left. Everything else,as you know, was wiped off the Earth hard drive by accident (though this is still controversial) the last day of 2099. So when your Terran lobbyists finally got guilty and nostalgic and went through your midmillenium crisis, you decided to lobby for some study of ancient Earthling culture. It is now official policy: I have a grant from Federation Council to hunt out that remnant. You are obliged to take me there.
The Admiral fumed. "I am obliged??"
"Please Admiral, spare the theatrics. You saw all the documentation. My Father, the Chair of the Federation Council, signed it himself."
The Admiral knew it all. The part about the Father too. He sat down.
"Look Admiral, you might enjoy it. For instance, do you know any old Earth songs?"
The Admiral shook his head, and then sheepishly said. "Well, yes, I suppose I do. My mother used to sing us -- ridiculous really."
Boukay smiled. "Then do you know "Tingle, tingle?"
The Admiral said, "Well, of course, everyone knows "Tingle, Tingle". It is ancient."
"Alright, Admiral. No one is listening. Sing it for me."
The Admiral tugged down on his uniform, and then began to sing in a somewhat childishly gruff voice:

"Tingle, tingle, little star
No one wonders what you are.
Up above Pleiades-Psi,
Disney is the thing to buy,
Tingle, tingle, little star
No one wonders what you are."

He smiled. "Haven't sung that since I was 6 or so."
Boukay said: "I have reason to believe that that is a variation, or at least some part of it is a variation on an older original. Brewster Flat in 2478 recorded an Earthling variant which begins quite differently, like this:

"Tinkle, tinkle, lovely star,
How I wonder what you are,"

and then the rest is the same. Interesting, hmm?"

The Admiral got up. "Look, Dr. Bosquet. I understand that I have to do this. I intend to file a protest. But I refuse to tell my crew that that is why we are cruising towards the Crab Nebula. I intend to tell them that we are engaged in a war to the death with the Great Threat to the Federation."
"Oh," said Boukay, "We are going to be doing that too, of course. There is much you have to learn, Admiral. Sit back down...About that tea?"

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 02:24 PM

Billy the Trid knew that his notorious buccaneer space-vessel, The StarShagger, was in close proximity to the Mudcat Enterprise. He scanned the VRS (visual rendering screen) for evidence of his prey. His craft was cloaked and would be invisible to the Enterprise unless they had a Googlian Attache' on board. Googlians were famous for their ability to see invisible things, due to their constant ingesting of Flabjian Eels-blood, a hallucinogen that would give a Sperm Whale the heebie-jeebies (if there had been any remaining examples of this mythical beast. Moby Dick was still taught in Terran High Schools, but the central figure of the White Whale was thought to be a metaphor for the Microsoft Corporation, which had taken over the administration of United Earth when it's political ruling body had decided that nobody was paying them any attention and resigned).

Billy was careful about entering the locations of his targets at Warp Speed, since travel in this manner involved a temporary suspension of the law of physics. Momentary violations of this law were accepted practice, but continual warp speed travel could lead to redundancy: Redundancy was the sudden duplication or triplication of all beings and objects involved in Warp Travel. This could be very confusing, and the cure involved IWR, or Immediate Warp Rewind, which could leave one impotent or with a raging case of Rubella. IWR was also often difficult to implement because the Duplicates and Triplicates were averse to being made to disappear in the act of Rewind, and life and death struggles sometimes ensued. The other problem with Warp Speed Travel was SSO effect, or Sudden Simultaneous Occupancy. This was caused by the Warp Speed craft accidentally arriving at the locus of another craft, causing a disorienting merger of objects and individual from the two ships. The Trid had once been a rather attractive Terran with the normal amount of appendages, but an SSO involving a Plutonian Mining Vessel had left him with a pear-shaped bulbous head, three lips, and a 26 inch schleeber that seemed to have a mind of its own. This was nothing compared to the poor Plutonian Commander who had been left with an aquiline nose, a blond beard, and a rather miniscule and bizarre replication apparatus that frightened the females of his species.

Any way, Billy was approaching cautiously. Suddenly he could see the Enterprise on the screen. He positioned the StarShagger immediately behind her, his cloaking mode engaged."Cartoosh!" he shouted, "have the men prepare for boarding!" The Arachnian robot replied " there are no 'men' as such, Cap'n. Just the Lingerie Models and seven or eight Tentacled Blaggardian Mercenaries." The Trid gripped Cartoosh by two metal flaps that Billy assumed were lapels."Then tell the Blaggardians to don their Ecto-shells and strap on plasma pistols," he whispered," and have the Lingerie Models put on their push-up bras and fishnet stocking, and load their knapsacks with Fuggerfruit, 'cause we're goin' in!"

The Trid reached into a cardboard box full of eight-track tapes that he had purchased from a pair of Longhaired Freegs at an Aquarian Garage Sale. He pulled outa John Hammond tape and popped it into the dash-mounted player.

I am the Backdoor Man
I am the Backdoor Man
Men don't know
But the little girls understand...

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 02:21 PM

How easy, in the rough waters of energetic living, to forget the divine healing powers of a single kiss! Rich with harmonics of spice, clovers, and the redolent loam of a vanished home-planet, the Mandolan maiden's gentle kiss vibrated subtly through the thick manly skullbones of the Terran's aching head, inducing slight, but strangely powerful, frequencies to start emanating through his barely adequate gray matter and his central nervous system. Visions brought by its ministering impact filled his mind--of warm soil, of bright sunight and clear skies, of the gentle orange waters and pale reddish-green slies of Mandola long departed. And of a healing divine energy, wordless, almost thoughtless, that restored every cell and tissue to touched upon.

He stirred, rested as though he had slept for days instead of hours, and saw his surroundings clearly and without pain. He rose slowly from the gentle lounge on which she had left him, feeling his joints and muscles carefully and finding all back in working order. He smiled, remembering her beauty.

Reaching for the golden Catfish pin on his chest, he tapped it several times in a quick rhythm.

"Cornucopia, this is Cosmic Dogsbody...Cornucopia from Cosmic Dogsbody... we are approaching condition Gamma One and may require assistance. One agent of Heronia identified on board, now contained, wearing the simulacrum facade of a Greenman...purposes unknown. More when I can...Dogsbody out."

As the portal to his resting place hissed open with a small squeal, because of a warped bulkhead connector, he turned and smiled happily at the sight of the Mandolan maiden, to whom he owed so much, returning to check on her temporary patient.

"Thanks for the help, Mandy!", he said warmly. "I owe you one, for sure!"

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 01:22 PM

Good gravy! Morn is onboard! Ready up the barstool and the Canaar! Morn's coming through!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: GUEST,JenEllen
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 12:27 PM

Mandy deposited the Green Man, D'morn, in a safe plant-free room. She wasn't entirely sure what his game was, but she would be damned if she'd allow the Frodis to ruin another life.

Upon entering the garden deck, she sees the captain of the Grace Darling, and hears a muffled groaning coming from behind the tanks. She hurredly accepts the captain's medallion, tells him she'll give it some thought, and takes her leave of him.

When the door closes behind the captain, she rushes behind the tank to find the battered Terran confusedly trying to regain his feet. She squirms under his arm, and acting as a crutch, leads him to her rooms in the back of the garden.

Once the Terran was sufficiently propped on some pillows, she tended to the collossal lump on the back of his head. She took some dried leaves of some odd botanical, and crushed them into her palm, added a drop of oil, and then touched the substance to the Terran's temples. Instantly his eyes cleared, headache gone.

"Now you had best tell me what you know about this." she said brandishing the Captain's medallion. "Or that sad Green Man? What of HIM? I run a peaceable garden, grow some fruit, all in all I have mended my wicked ways, and then YOU people come along and all of the sudden our lovely ship is in the midst of war! Lunatics running around in piss-stained bathtowels, madmen looking for jello pits and clean underwear?"

The Terran remembered thinking to himself that there were few things in all the universes more entertaining than a Mandolian tantrum, then he promptly passed out.

Mandy chuckled to herself, and went to the small table near the Terran's head. Here she asked a small fern named Petunia to watch him in his slumber. She then tucked a blanket of Mandolian Angel Fluff up around his chin, gave him a small kiss on the forehead for pleasant dreams, and made sure to lock her door on the way out. If the Terran wouldn't give her answers, she'd find them on her own.

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 11:39 AM

The Terran woke in a painful daze. It took him several minutes to get his eyes to focus. He gradually realized he was lying in a very uncomfortable position in a dark corner between two large circular tanks in the aft tube-alleys near the rear of the central driver pod. He shook his head, eliciting a small river of very unpleasant pains in his back and skull. What had happened? His maroon tunic was torn, his hands and face smudged with dust and the back ofhis head felt several sizes larger than the rest of him. He scrambled in memory, trying to recover some notion of how he had come here. The last thing he could remember was open the recalcitrant portal into the lower garden deck.

He remembered wanting to find the Mandolan girl for some compelling purpose -- not that! -- but he could not remember what it was he had felt ha had to say to her. And there was a vague recollection of a flash of bright light just as he had stepped throught he garden deck portal. He sagged back against the tank, dazed, wondering what had occurred.

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 11:39 AM

MMario I get creative at 0300 hours local; especially if there are girls around Ha Ha... Search and Rescue is a duty that is 24/7 365 days a year I only sleep four hours a day... the rest I just survey the insides of my eyelids until the phone rings.

The Captain of the Grace Darling enters the garden and seeks out Mandy. I have been sent here to give you this so you will know who I am. He gives her a Golden medalion. On one side is a Crusader shield with a lightning bolt in the centre of the red cross; on the reverse is a Lion wearing a crown holding a sword in its right paw. Yes Mandy I am a Guardian of the Holy Grail, a Jedi Crusader (marine division) my crew and I are sworn to defend life in the name of the Force. There has been a disturbance in the Force and I have traced it here. My instructions, what do you want me to do Seer?

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Caitrin
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 11:22 AM

Ensign Caitrin took a quick walk to her quarters and charged up the console there, setting it to a secret secure channel. The young woman was not only an Ensign on the flagship of the Federation fleet. She was also a much higher-ranking official of the Time Corps.
"All operatives of M'Cat, be aware. The Green Man, also known as D'morn, is on board. We do not know what his purpose here is. He must be watched. Also, keep in mind that this ship is a crossing of several timelines...anything you do will most certainly affect several futures.

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 09:31 AM

Mmario, you just need an edit button in your wurlitzer so you can time travel into the battles!

~S~

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: MMario
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 08:55 AM

*some people have battles at such an indecently earlyhour...isn't there somthing in the Federation Manual about not having battles while the ships wurlitzer is trying to sleep?

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Biskit
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 05:58 AM

Aye Capn' Dave me `Ardie phases it'll be er plasmer long guns makes me no never mind we'll fight the good fight ARGH! me crew `n I'll be right beside yer ARGH!Capn' Biskit takes another drink of the strong coffee and takes a slow deep breath Aye thats better now, he's heard to utter that 50 year old black gnarley'll sneak up on ye, ARGH!

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 02:19 AM

Never fear when push comes to shove we will fight like the devil to defend you. Aye, and we would die before letting the pirates win.. Besides Barky you never bring a cutlass to a phaser fight.. Plasma rifle yes, lazer yes, but the cutlass is retired ( but kept handy all the same, low tech can rule at times)Yours, Aye. Dave Capn of the Grace Darling

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Biskit
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 02:08 AM

Captain Biskit comes to his senses long enogh to realize that he is indeed very drunk and asks a passing steward for some strong coffee. It just wouldn't do if captain Billy the piryte would show up an' him to drunk to brandish his cutlass in a manner fitting for one of his ability and to protect those aboard dear to him.

Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Biskit
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 01:54 AM

ARGH! ere you th' infamous Capn in chief Barkey Pleashed ta be makin' yur aquaintensch "hic" Ihopesh your pardon my forwardnish yuuur highnesh but i'm not near ash think as you drunk I am, praish PRAISH! litsh `ave an udder roun' o thet 50 year ol'blacksh gnarley, wha thetsh the besht ol' likkker ta be had HEEEEHEEEE WHOOOOOOOOWEEEE!

Subject: MudCat Tavern Enterprise Part 2
From: Barky
Date: 20 Apr 00 - 01:38 AM

For your loading pleasure, Part two. You can find part one here
(Hope I did this right!)

~Barky