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Not so simple
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Subject: Not so simple From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 11 May 00 - 05:17 PM Here's a true story that I put in the thread "Music and the Mentally Handicapped" - but it's not about music. It was told me by a friend.
She was sitting in the Harlow town centre by the fountain with her son. Now, her son is in his thirties, and he's got epilepsy, and he can't talk too well, and he is pretty unsteady on his feet, and so on.
And there were a couple of well dressed young men - visitors to the town by the look of them - and they were were sitting nearby, and after a while she noticed that they were looking at her son, and imitating some of the things he said, and giggling.
And also nearby there was a pretty rough looking skinhead, rings in the nose and tattoos, and that kind of stuff, and big boots. And he was listening to what was going on. And then he gets up and he walks over to the jokers, and looks hard at them and tells them to "push off" - except he didn't exactly say "push off". And they pushed off quite rapidly.
And then he goes over to my friend's son, and shook his hands and said "You're all right mate!" And he marched off.
As my friend said "It makes you proud sometimes to live in Harlow!"
And here's another story, which goes back to the time I was in a l'Arche Community for a few months many years ago.
It was dinner time, which was a big communal thing, sitting round a big table. One of the high points of the day.
Well, the pudding came around. And there was some mix-up, because a couple of people were serving, and I found myself with two helpings in front of me. And I was just looking down at them with a pleased surprised expression on my face, I suppose. And a helper swooped down and took one of the helpings away.
Well, I didn't really mind, though it was a good pudding. But I must have shown a flicker of dismay, because one of the core members of the community, who'd spent many years in a subnormality hospital (that's another of the charming terms they used to label people with), was watching me. And he came over, and he touched my hand and said "Never mind" (which was a long sentence for him) - and slipped two cigarettes in my breast pocket.
So often people talk as if being sensitive to other people, and aware of how they might be feeling, is somehow linked with being clever and competent and so forth. And it's so far from being true it's laughable.
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: Dale Rose Date: 11 May 00 - 05:37 PM No, I have to disagree with you, McGrath ~~ there is music there, just of a different sort. |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: MMario Date: 11 May 00 - 09:08 PM indeed, and the sorrow is, so many people have forgotten how to hear the "unheard melodies" |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: uncle bill Date: 11 May 00 - 10:16 PM McGrath, that is beautiful, If you're still on that channel and in a blue mood , chek out the new Steve Seskin song that PP&M recorded last year, "Don't laugh at me" I'm the little boy with glasses the one they call a geek a little girl who never smiles cause I've got braces on my teeth and I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep. I'm that kid on every playground who's always chosen last a single teenage mother tryin to overcome my past you don't have to be my freind but is it too much to ask don't laugh at me don't call me names don't get your pleasure from my pain in god's eyeswe're all the same,someday well all have perfect wings, don't laugh at me. I'm the cripple on the corner you've passed me on the street and I wouldn't be out here begging if I had enough to eat don't think I don't notice that our eyes never meet I lost my wife and little boy when someone crossed that yellow line the day we laid them in the ground is the day I lost my mind. right now I'm down to holdin' on to this little cardboard sign so don't laugh at me..... I'm fat , I'm thin , I'm short, I'm tall, I'm deaf, I'm blind hey, aren't we all? don't laugh at me |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: uncle bill Date: 11 May 00 - 10:18 PM sorry forgot about the punctuatin marks in this straight format. |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: Sorcha Date: 11 May 00 - 11:48 PM "Un Chained Melody"............. |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: Amergin Date: 12 May 00 - 12:01 AM McGrath, those are lovely stories. I have to agree with the others, very musical. Maybe a song or two? Amergin |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: JenEllen Date: 12 May 00 - 12:07 AM Song for your thread? Here ya go:
I'm a little cookie, yes I am
On and on it goes, the chocolate bar that got broke, and the tootsie roll with a bend in it. They are all just as sweet provided folks get past the exterior. |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: Megan L Date: 12 May 00 - 02:43 PM McGrath thank you it's been a rought time and I had stopped looking for the beauty in this world, your post reminded me this world is a wonderfull place. hope this strikes a chord, I haven't written anything for months so it might have to be pollished a little. One man band March my friend to the beat of your own drum Your life taps out a rhythm of your own The song is still as sweet, the metre still complete Though the tune is one that only you have known In this weary world today, where a metronome hold sway And we follow blindly in it ticking wake, Yours the courage friend to say, I will not walk that way I will follow only the beat my drum does make For a man may have his choice, be he just single voice Do not stoop to demand or try'n control Be prepared to understand, each man is his own band And listen to the music of the soul |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: Amergin Date: 12 May 00 - 02:53 PM Megan, I find that song to be quite lovely. Thanks for sharing. I hope by whichever god you pray to that things start looking up for you soon. Keep your chin up. Blessed be. |
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Subject: Lyr Add: ONE MAN BAND (Megan L.) From: Amos Date: 12 May 00 - 02:53 PM Megan: I think it is beautiful. I took the liberty of reformatting it for you, so you could see how nice it would look: ONE MAN BAND Megan L. March, my friend, To the beat of your own drum; Your life taps out a rhythm of your own. The song is still as sweet, The metre still complete, Though the tune is one that only you have known. In this weary world today Where a metronome holds sway, And we follow blindly in its ticking wake, Yours the courage, friend, to say: "I will not walk that way. I will follow only the beat my drum does make." For a man may have his choice, Be he just a single voice -- Do not stoop to demand or try 'n’ control. Be prepared to understand: Each man is his own band, And listen to the music of the soul |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: GUEST,Marymac in CA Date: 13 May 00 - 11:26 AM There is a song written and performed by Mayer Shevin, of the People's Music Network, about a retarded person who couldn't speak, but used a communications board to "speak". The person who worked with this individual took some of her thoughts and feelings and put them to music, and performed the songs. Mayer says the song is a composite of the experiences of several individuals he has known and worked with. When Mayer performed this song at the People's Music Gathering in January,everyone around was perfectly quiet, to hear each word of the song in Mayer's somewhat difficult to understand voice. By the way, the People's Music Network Summer Gathering is always the first weekend in June, at a camp near High Falls, NY. They have a web site, but I'm not home, so I don't have the URL with me, but I bet a search would produce it. If you want more info on PMN. message me, and when I'm home I'll get back to you. Love to all, Marymac 90 |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 13 May 00 - 01:25 PM I like that song!
Just come back from a weekend conference with various people involved in this kind of thing, including the young man I mentioned in the first story. We had a busy time plotting and planning to make things a bit better for some people.
And I checked with his mother, who was also there, and what the skinhead actually said to the yuppie was: "You just button your lip, or someone else is going to button it for you!" - which I think has a quiet and effective eloquence. Next time anyone uses a word like "moron" in my presence, I'll try to remember it. "(Mind it's probably more effectve when you're a six-foot skinhead with chains and Doc Marten boots...)
Here is a link to a website, based in Toronto, which has some great stories and ideas about this whole business of not shutting people out of our communities Inclusion Press We used some of their material in our workshops this weekend. (And it's got good stuff about scuba diving as well.) |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: Metchosin Date: 13 May 00 - 05:50 PM Well Mcgrath, you may tear a strip off me if you want. I use the terms "moron", "idiot" and "stupid" somewhat interchangeably, to describe myself, my ideas and my actions, as well as my perception of others and their ideas and actions, that I consider "wanting in mental capacity" and probably will continue to do so, as long as I continue to have opinions of the world around me. I have never purported to be politically correct.
I have also used the term "asinine", but I do not consider this a negative reflection upon the ass, for I know the ass and it is neither clumsy, ignorant nor stupid, as portrayed in fables and proverbs. Bad analogy, I know, but the point I want to make is, that despite my language and, I probably share that language with the "skinhead" portrayed above, I do have some empathy, regarding the individuals recounted in your wonderfully touching anecdote, and by judging me negatively for my use of the aforementioned words, you would probably be reacting, as those, that would think the skinhead would act other than he did.
I have not posted to previous threads, regarding mental handicaps or political correctness for numerous reasons, and I had made myself a promise, on one thread, not to "peel the onion" of my persona further in a public forum, but "fools rush in" so here goes.
By current definition, I might have been "classed" as mildly to moderately autistic, when I was small. Shortly after birth, I started repetitive behaviors, amongst other things, such as not being what was termed, a cuddly baby or child, which became even more apparent when I was between one and two years old, the most obvious of which was, what was then called bumping. My bumping became so pronounced, that my parents had to bolt my crib to the floor to prevent me from hurtling it across the room and I did manage to break the back out of one, as well as constantly wear most of the hair from my head.
I resorted to this behavior whenever I became tired or distressed and with my introduction to music, would sit for hours, in a trance state, rhythmically thumping my back on a chair or chesterfield in time to the beat of the music.
Fortunately, despite that and other rough beginnings and problems in childhood, the trials borne by my poor mother, (thanks Mom and Happy Mothers day, you're one of the best) and the negative comments from the surrounding world regarding my mental capacity based upon my odd behavior, I did grow into a somewhat, fully functioning adult. (and also thanks to the tolerance of my dear husband, who I regularly bounced out of sleep during the first year of our marriage). I have no idea what lasting affects have resulted from my so-called "autism", probably my daughters and husband would be the better ones to query.
However, due to some of my childhood experiences, I sometimes have a rather cynical perspective regarding the motives of some so called "do-gooders", but not all, and quite often resort to black humor.
And McGrath, for what it's worth, I do enjoy your posts. |
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Subject: RE: Not so simple From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 14 May 00 - 02:46 PM "The mapis not the territory" - I can't remember who said that. But I think it applies here as well.
The real thing is the territory, the world on the ground. The map is a set of symbols that represent it, and is very useful for getting around and seeing wherer one place is relative to another place and all thta - but it is secondary. And there are different ways of drawing maps which are useful for different kind of purposes. A tube train diagram is different from an ordnance survey map, and more when you are going on a journey by tube across a city.
The words we use about people are secondary in the same way. The people and the way they think and feel and act, and the way we think and feel and act are what is primary.
That doesn't mean the words don't matter, but they aren't what it's all about. I couldn't use a word like "nigger" in this time and place as a label for another person, because of its history and its associations. Other people and other times and places, it's a word that can be used. Take it out of Huckleberry Finn, and you do the book damage, and you damage the impact on readers. That's looking backwards. Looking forward, maybe we'll get a time when it won't have any more pwer to hurt, because the nonsense of racism will be seen as a crazy but og historical garbage.
And for me "moron" is precisely that - a word like "nigger.
But the words are just the map, and what matters is the territory. Some people glibly avoid all the words which might offend, but also carefully avoid any human contact with people who aren't like them. And that is far more damaging than any amount of "offensive" language. And the real reason I hate that word "moron" is because it was coined by just such people, pseudo-scientists, cataloguing people from exclusion and worse. I suppose, if you think about in it's historical context, it embodies precisely what people are uneasy about when they use the term "politically correct" as a label,for neologisms that they do not trust. |
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