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BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...

wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 12:49 PM
Dale Rose 28 May 00 - 01:06 PM
GUEST,Professor Iris 28 May 00 - 01:12 PM
keltcgrasshoppper 28 May 00 - 01:23 PM
keltcgrasshoppper 28 May 00 - 01:24 PM
JamesJim 28 May 00 - 01:27 PM
keltcgrasshoppper 28 May 00 - 01:28 PM
Megan L 28 May 00 - 02:51 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 03:26 PM
GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse 28 May 00 - 03:40 PM
TheOldMole 28 May 00 - 04:22 PM
GUEST,The Pastor 28 May 00 - 04:25 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 04:36 PM
Megan L 28 May 00 - 04:39 PM
TheOldMole 28 May 00 - 04:41 PM
Amos 28 May 00 - 04:55 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 05:01 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 05:02 PM
GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse 28 May 00 - 07:07 PM
Amergin 28 May 00 - 07:20 PM
katlaughing 28 May 00 - 07:25 PM
katlaughing 28 May 00 - 07:28 PM
keltcgrasshoppper 28 May 00 - 07:32 PM
SINSULL 28 May 00 - 07:52 PM
GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse 28 May 00 - 08:05 PM
MarkS 28 May 00 - 08:14 PM
GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse 28 May 00 - 08:21 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 10:56 PM
keltcgrasshoppper 28 May 00 - 11:17 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 00 - 11:52 PM
MK 29 May 00 - 12:00 AM
Racer 29 May 00 - 05:56 AM
Mooh 29 May 00 - 07:35 AM
Helen 29 May 00 - 07:50 AM
Helen 29 May 00 - 08:11 AM
Little Neophyte 29 May 00 - 08:13 AM
Pinetop Slim 29 May 00 - 08:49 AM
kendall 29 May 00 - 09:00 AM
Rick Fielding 29 May 00 - 10:48 AM
kendall 29 May 00 - 11:11 AM
keltcgrasshoppper 29 May 00 - 12:27 PM
Little Neophyte 29 May 00 - 01:20 PM
katlaughing 29 May 00 - 02:23 PM
Little Neophyte 29 May 00 - 02:46 PM
Amergin 29 May 00 - 03:21 PM
kendall 29 May 00 - 03:30 PM
Little Neophyte 29 May 00 - 03:36 PM
catspaw49 29 May 00 - 03:38 PM
SINSULL 29 May 00 - 04:28 PM
Steve Latimer 29 May 00 - 04:32 PM
Chocolate Pi 29 May 00 - 04:53 PM
Sorcha 29 May 00 - 05:01 PM
wysiwyg 29 May 00 - 06:23 PM
Brendy 29 May 00 - 07:48 PM
Cap't Bob 29 May 00 - 08:04 PM
Mbo 29 May 00 - 08:09 PM
Brendy 29 May 00 - 08:11 PM
Mbo 29 May 00 - 08:14 PM
Brendy 29 May 00 - 08:19 PM
katlaughing 29 May 00 - 08:19 PM
Brendy 29 May 00 - 08:22 PM
JamesJim 29 May 00 - 11:17 PM
GUEST,Hilary NZ 30 May 00 - 09:25 AM
kendall 30 May 00 - 12:42 PM
GUEST,me 30 May 00 - 10:23 PM
GUEST,flattop 30 May 00 - 11:31 PM
GUEST,flattop 30 May 00 - 11:47 PM
Amos 30 May 00 - 11:48 PM
Mbo 30 May 00 - 11:55 PM
catspaw49 30 May 00 - 11:56 PM
Pene Azul 30 May 00 - 11:58 PM
GUEST,Diver 31 May 00 - 12:06 AM
Mbo 31 May 00 - 12:06 AM
GUEST,flattop 31 May 00 - 12:07 AM
Metchosin 31 May 00 - 12:24 AM
Metchosin 31 May 00 - 12:28 AM
GUEST,flattop 31 May 00 - 12:32 AM
Metchosin 31 May 00 - 12:35 AM
Mark Cohen 31 May 00 - 12:37 AM
GUEST,flattop 31 May 00 - 12:39 AM
alison 31 May 00 - 12:42 AM
catspaw49 31 May 00 - 12:44 AM
GUEST,flattop 31 May 00 - 12:59 AM
catspaw49 31 May 00 - 01:03 AM
GUEST,flattop 31 May 00 - 01:21 AM
wysiwyg 31 May 00 - 04:19 PM

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Subject: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 12:49 PM

....so isn't it time to discuss MEN's body parts?

Names for them, and so on?

Or has that already been done?

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Dale Rose
Date: 28 May 00 - 01:06 PM

I really am tired of all this. Sorry to offend, but I think it has gone on long enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Professor Iris
Date: 28 May 00 - 01:12 PM

Any chance you could actually use whatever remaining grey matter between your ears is left, and think before starting a thread like this?


(Let this one die folks.)


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 28 May 00 - 01:23 PM

Professor: I went back and read some of your other comments.. It seems like is good enough for you... Praise while this thread isn't exactly normal for you or the Cat..I say WHY BE NORMAL...Lets have FUN folks... In our house we refer to THE part as "PEPE.". and when our boys are acting up we call them "PEPE BOYS.".. there I said it.Professor.. and I still have quite a bit of grey matter left thank you...


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 28 May 00 - 01:24 PM

That should have read nothing is good enough for you.... sorry...


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: JamesJim
Date: 28 May 00 - 01:27 PM

Praise, if you are this bored, you need to be taking anti-depressants. Write a song or poem (about the male anatomy if you like). That might help.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 28 May 00 - 01:28 PM

i'm not sure if anyone knowes or not but the Professor has directed people to some very strange sites.. some in fact that aol will not allow... interesting Professor.. now about the grey matter... KGH


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Megan L
Date: 28 May 00 - 02:51 PM

Well done Kelt there are more than enough threads to choose from so if someone wants to be sanctimoneous let them go to one of the other threads.

Praise you need help, whats the problem? Festival starvation or overload? both can have very serious consequences for avid catters.

Mind you I'm just glad to find other saints who have to occassionally trim their horns to stop them showing above the halo.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 03:26 PM

Actually, in my boredom I just wondered whether the same good free fun would be had over this topic as was had by both genders over breasts.

I am enjoying the responses, BTW, including the little diagnoses by people who do not know me at all!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse
Date: 28 May 00 - 03:40 PM

Not in the biblical sense, no.

But I can bounce you up and down on my lap. That should give you something to brag about.

Do it to me bay bee


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: TheOldMole
Date: 28 May 00 - 04:22 PM

Wow, Praise, no one seems to like you much, do they?

Well, I like you, and I think it's a perfectly good subject for a thread, and the good news is, no one has to participate if they don't want to.

Back around 1971, I was working for an anti-war activist magazine, and we ran an article by Andrea Dworkin about the political implications of sex with men. She wasn't opposed to the concept of sex with men, but she felt that the erect penis was a symbol of the oppressive patriarchy, so she argued that women should only have sex with men whose members were limp.

It occurred to us, at the time, that there were a plethora of nicknames for a male organ at full extension, but there really weren't any good ones for a limp one. We decided that a "dworkin" worked quite well.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,The Pastor
Date: 28 May 00 - 04:25 PM

Perhaps this might solve your boredom problem, Praise?

More time spent with one of these little "friends" means less time spent here, with your useless posts, and your little fan club of like-minded revivalist eunichs.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 04:36 PM

Ooo-eee!

WHY does this generate such a different discussion from the ones generated within the Breast threads????

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Megan L
Date: 28 May 00 - 04:39 PM

That easy Praise men are less secure about themselves than women, we are now being asked to positivly discriminate in schools because the poor we souls don't perform well in class.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: TheOldMole
Date: 28 May 00 - 04:41 PM

Praise...I guess that little shrine of masculinity is still sacred?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 00 - 04:55 PM

I for one am very comfortable with John Henry. I don't understand what all the fuss is about. But he is very forward-looking and I think he must have experimented with the radical approach attributed to Ms Dworkin.

(BTW I have only ever met one person in my life by that name and if it is he who married ANdrea and thus bestowed the name on her, she is just projecting her own disappoionting experiences on others! :>)

The reason for the difference in response is that there is a much larger class of people who are open and avid boob-admirers. Where as the number of pecker-watchers in the world may well be as large but it is much less outspoken and much more "in the closet" as it were.

Besides, peckers don't get in the way of folk mmusic as much, which is what started the boob thread off. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 05:01 PM

Or it may be because I failed to link the topic to music.

OK, someone said write a song... wotthehell, let's make it a song challenge, then we can not only list all the names we can have a challenge to rhyme them. Hmmm, I started this, so I make the rules. Shall we or shall we not include limericks? I say yes, because they can certainly be sung.

However for my maiden effort at a song on this I will not go the limerick route. OK, I'll make it based on what's already been posted here in the thread... quick review...

UNTITLED REFLECTION

Someone was bored,
But others abhorred
That the topic had even been started.

CHORUS:
Oh-- Pecker, Pickle, Pepe, Pal,
Names for man's prize possession.

(Different names on each succeeding chorus)

Brain function queried,
Have a dildo, then dearie,
At least Grasshopper's sense was not thwarted.

James/Jim offers redeeming
Through music, while seeming
To call for fresh meds (my brain farted??)

Megan's thoughts sweetly
Expressed, and said neatly,
About haloes, and horns, being parted.

While Champion the Wonder Horse
(No member of course)
Had suggestion, quite oddly, that smarted.

TheOldMole's a honey
With a story, so funny!
And, thanks! Quite humorously imparted.

"The Pastor" made seems jealous
Or miffed that I'm zealous
And to the Center, I think, should be carted.

Then Megan reminds us
That politics make useless
A topic first quite open-hearted.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 05:02 PM

Sorry I missed yours in the cross-posting, Mole, Amos, but I am out of verses now!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:07 PM

Good!

Whoa there...


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Amergin
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:20 PM

JamesJim, antidepressants have nothing to do with boredom. Praise, don't let these bastards get you down. I like you.

Amergin


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:25 PM

For those whose members may not be as liberated as Amos' John Henry, I suggest you make a visit to ....interesting reactions, here, all 'round, Praise.

katwhothinkstheymayallhavebananasintheirpockets,anyway


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:28 PM

Oh, hell, mucked up the link. Try this one: Betty Dodson's site.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:32 PM

I left for a few hours and couldn't wait to get back to this one.. I'm glad to see that some of us can treat this subject like the joke that it should be..OOPS... sorry guys "it" isn't a joke.. By the way a lot of my friends are pecker watchers.. Its really fun when guys wear slightly tight jeans.. right girls..LOL.. we have a good time deciding if there is underwear under there.... KGH


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:52 PM

Gee Praise, this is fascinating. The "Breast" thread went on forever without a peep out of any of the above complainers, at least to my knowledge. I suspect it goes back to the same logic which allows topless but not bottomless bars.

Where is Spaw when we need him? Probably compiling a list of astronomic proportions (ooh, a pun).

But maybe if you had started the thread with "How many of you have hammered your dulcimer?" or "Innovative methods for pounding your bodhran", the purists would not have objected so to the non-musical trend of your thread.

My contribution: Johnson Salami Baloney Banana (for the vegetarians) Dick Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? cahones juebos balls marbles

Praise, you owe me one. I've been trying to be more ladylike since the Jon fiasco. SS


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse
Date: 28 May 00 - 08:05 PM

Nobody but Praise would title a thread "Ok I'm bored, So...'

Come back to the stable, Praise, and I'll relieve your boredom

We can talk about the first thing that pops up, babe.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: MarkS
Date: 28 May 00 - 08:14 PM

Having once seen Ms. Dworkin, it is no surprise that the members she most relates to are limp.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Champion the Wonder Horse
Date: 28 May 00 - 08:21 PM

Hey, that's my little sex toy you're talking about!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 10:56 PM

*BG* Keep 'em coming folks!

~S~

Well, of course [*BG*]...you didn;t want me to say [tongue in cheek], didja?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 28 May 00 - 11:17 PM

Hey champ... I don't know about any of the others out there But I find that guys who brag are usually all talk.. get my drift...KGH


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 00 - 11:52 PM

Now, now, KGH, no need to play that lil game!!

Names? In verse even?

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: MK
Date: 29 May 00 - 12:00 AM

Check out (rent) Monty Python's movie "The Meaning of Life" and observe the scene with Eric Idol as the resident pianist in a very posh dining room.

His little rendering of "Isn't It Awfully Nice to Have A Penis" pretty well sums it up.

Delightfully executed as well!


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Racer
Date: 29 May 00 - 05:56 AM

Those first two responses actually kind of surprised me. You'd think that these people were obligated to read and respond to every single post on every single thread. I usually just don't respond to the threads that I don't like. I also don't click on the ones that I know are going to get me riled.

That being said, I guess I'll join in the fun.

I was just thinking today how much I think of that organ more than any other organ in my body. My heart, my lungs my stomach, and my brain all serve integral functions in the process of keeping me alive. My penis seems to guide me into all kinds of places that I shouldn't be. For some reason, I still trust it to make decisions for me.

If I had a heart transplant tomorrow, or had to be put on an iron lung, I would live. I would eventually lead a happy life with whatever condition was forced on me as a result. These thoughts don't scare me that much.

However, threaten to cut my dick off, and my legs snap closed so fast you could probably hear it for miles. I still think cathader(sp?) is a bad word. So bad, I can't even think of how to spell it.

This has gotten rather lengthy. Twenty years from now, I'm going to look back on my mid-twenties(now) and wonder what happened.

I just wanted to be one of the ones to speak candidly about a sensitive area.

-Racer


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mooh
Date: 29 May 00 - 07:35 AM

Never any complaint about my three inch member, my woman seems to like it that wide.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Helen
Date: 29 May 00 - 07:50 AM

I really liked the song called Detachable Penis - sung in an amazingly deadpan voice as if it were all very ordinary to have a penis he could take off whenever he wanted. Very clever.

I also think it's interesting that the discussion of breasts, in whatever context, raises no moralising discussion because the moralisers are male, and like talking about breasts anyway, although usually only in male company. Men, as was stated above, seem very defensive about discussions about penises, or more specifically, about the one which matters most to them.

An illustrative story: I was on a camping trip a few years ago with my partner's workmates and one night, at the communal kitche, there was a group of men and women we didn't know (they came from my home town, acted like it too - beer swilling, rowdy, partying on till all hours, etc).

This particular night the group I was with decided to play cards - their usual evening entertainment apparently. The rowdiest of the men from the other group asked if we had a spare set of cards. As it happened one of the women had taken exception the year before to the use of a set of cards with pictures of naked women on the back so she had brought along, as a joke, a set of cards with naked men on them. We had been laughing about them earlier but we all thought they were pretty awful.

When the other man asked for some cards this woman picked the naked men set up and threw them to him. He caught them & said thanks and started walking away, looking pretty pleased, until he looked down at the cards and saw the pictures on the back. It was like juggling hot potatoes - he couldn't keep them in his hands, it long enough to turn around and walk back to our table to return them. He was tossing them from hand to hand as if they would burn him, with all the appropriate sound effects as well. He threw them back on the table and almost ran away. If they had been the naked women set of cards the reaction would have been totally different, and no sense of outrage or moralising or any negativity at all.

Double standards.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Helen
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:11 AM

Ok, here it is: the Detachable Penis song - well it's more of a monologue with a chorus which is sung.

Helen

Detachable Penis (music: Rick, Murdock, Xefos, Hall)

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time; it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time; I can leave it home when it think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning, I can't, for the life of me, remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it , so I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason, I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate I really don't like being without my penis for too long, It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue, toward's St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven-some guy was selling it! I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again: complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:13 AM

I have a funny story
Remember those big plastic sunglasses, the ones you see a clown wearing. I mean they are really big glasses.
Well, for a joke, I put them around my boyfriend's hips so that the nose piece fit just nicely on his penis. It was hysterical. It looked like some cool dude with a long nose and full beard. We developed the picture and had it blown up. Didn't stay on the wall too long, but long enough to get some good laughs. You had to stare at this photo for awhile to realize what you were looking at and when it finally dawned on you what is was, you could not believe what you were looking at!

Bonnie


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Pinetop Slim
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:49 AM

I've heard it called a private, and the little general. Puts a new twist on the idea of pulling rank.

Careful what you wish for: fellow walks into bar, pops open his brief case. A man exactly one foot tall pops out and starts playing Mozart. Neat, says the bartender, where'd you get it? By wishing on this lamp
Can I try?,br> Sure
Bartender rubs lamp and almost instantly the bar is filling up with one mallard after another
Through feathers, bartender complains "but I asked for a million BUCKS."
So you think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 00 - 09:00 AM

There is no double standard here.. to compare boobs with penis' is stupid. The main function of tits is to feed the offspring. The main function of a pecker is to impregnate the female. It's like comparing apples and oranges..no go.
Now, to take this to a ridiculous conclusion, the human female bosom is the most beautiful form in nature. However, I have NEVER heard any woman say "My, what an attractive scrotum you have." Same goes for dicks. Lets face it folks, they just dont measure up!! (to boobs)


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 May 00 - 10:48 AM

Jeesus H Keerist! (sorry Susan) I go to work on Heather's rock garden for a couple of days and THIS transpires. Sorry I didn't get in earlier.

There have been lots of "goofy" threads lately...and I don't remember any line drawn in the sand saying "ok, that's enuff, now let's get back to serious stuff."

Being bored is a natural fact of life...starting a humourous thread is a common occurence at Mudcat....oh, and JUST as predictable is the anonymous flamer. I prefer boredom and dorky threads to cowardice.

'Course when your name is "Rick" you've gotten used to neing called "Dickhead"!

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 00 - 11:11 AM

Rick, just so you know, Gods last name is not Damn.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 29 May 00 - 12:27 PM

Well said Kendall.. As far as that double standard goes.. Have always wondered why... we see soooooo many boobs bared for all in movies, ect... but.. we see soooooo few penis..or is that penie... whatever... WHY.. of course I'm sure that the porn sites are full of them..But is it because men are ashamed or embarassed ? I'm being serious here.. Why guys... For the most part men are making the movies yet we only get an occasional" but" shot..Relax guys you talk a great talk but don't want to show us much ...The human body is beautiful male and female...KGH


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 01:20 PM

I once went out with a guy who drove an extremely expensive sports car, lived in the penthouse of a luxury condominium complex and was just finishing his residency in ophthalmology because it was essential for him to have a lucrative profession.
At first, I thought his need to impress was because he was only 5 feet 5 inches tall but guess what?

BB


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 May 00 - 02:23 PM

Small hands, huh, Bonnie?

The deck of cards story is a classic example, IMO, of guys who are worried about liking or even looking at other guys, just as hetero guys, one to another, lest they be mistaken for any possibility of being homosexual.

As for movies....well, it has traditionally been men in charge and what do men generally want to see bare-chested women or butt-naked men? Usually when we do get a shot of a male behind it is because a woman has directed the movie, as in Jane Campion's The Piano.

kat


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 02:46 PM

Yes small hands kat
Come to think of it, I think this guy I was dating was even shorter, around 5 feet 2 inches tall. He was really, really short.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Amergin
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:21 PM

Nothing wrong with being short..


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:30 PM

Last sat night, I was HALF shot.. that was nice too.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:36 PM

Come to think of it Amergin, I think I am way, way too tall


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:38 PM

Just like the other threads explored the problems of breasts from all angles, the problems of penes (yes, that's the plural...according to Bert anyway from a previous thread) are equally compelling. Like what DO you call it? I mean can anyone say penis without sounding like a complete asshole? People who DO say penis are also the ones who won't say fuck. They'd prefer some euphemism like carnal knowledge. Since the word carnal comes from meat, literally translated that would mean "To know the meat." I suppose that makes sense....especially if you fuck your butcher.

So what do you call the thing? Personally I call mine "Joe Smackers" but I mean generically. I'm most prone to use "dick" most times, but there are alternatives: whang, tool, cock, peter (what's with the name thing anyway), pocket flute, dork, schlong, trouser snake, one-eyed frank, spout, etc., and not to mention all the ones used in jack-off lines like.....beat your meat, whip the bishop, pound your pud, bop your baloney, slam your sausage, spank the monkey, wind your crank.....or all those used to reference pissing, ie., 'drain my lizard' or 'shake the dew off my lily'.

Men are odd about the damn things too. There is an unwritten, but strictly adhered to, rule that states: You shall not look at any dick other than your own while pissing in a public restroom. Talk about bored, you're standing there whizzing away and staring at the wall. To even glance sideways is akin to asking for an ass kicking---"What are you looking at you pissant rat bastard? You a fockin' homo or what?"

Then of course there is size. Although its convenient to be able to pee anywhere, problems do occur. Last week I whizzed off a bridge about 30 foot over the Scioto River. I didn't mind that the water was so damn cold, but it was deep too and the bottom was about 2 foot deep in mud. Took awhile to dry as I reeled it in I tell you, and that damn mud didn't wash off the last couple of feet worth a damn so I had to run it out a second time.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 May 00 - 04:28 PM

Thank God, Spaw finally made it. And he was compiling a list of astronomic proportions.

Thanks, Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 29 May 00 - 04:32 PM

I'm currently reading Malachy McCourt's book "A Monk Swimming." He refers to his "Three Piece Set"


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Chocolate Pi
Date: 29 May 00 - 04:53 PM

Spaw: re "carnal knowledge", the first scene of Tom Stoppard's play Arcadia opens with the exchange:
Thomasina: Septimus, what is carnal embrace?
Septimus: Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef.
a few pages later, it goes on to:
Thomasina: If you do not teach me the true meaning of things, who will?
Septimus: Ah. Yes, I am ashamed. Carnal embrace is sexual congress, which is the insertion of the male genital organ into the female genital organ for purposes of procreation and pleasure. Fermat's last theorem, by contrast, asserts that when x, y, and z are whole numbers each raised to power of n, the sum of the first tow can never equal the third when n is greater than 2.
(Pause)
Thomasina: Eurghhhh!
Septimus: Nevertheless, that is the theorem.


Chocolate Pi (bringing literature in)


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 May 00 - 05:01 PM

"Merlin", in honour of the magic he can work......(stole it from a book)


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 May 00 - 06:23 PM

Oh my, the thread that grew and grew.

Turgid prose.

Bound to end in an explosion.

Hate to see this peter out.

My, what a lovely...

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 07:48 PM

Other things to do with it: You can 'shake hands with the unemployed', or 'point Percy at the porcelain', when nature calls.
One can 'whip one's dummy', or 'flog the bishop' (in deference to 'Spaw).

That foamy liquid that invariably ends up in the toilet bowl after one's call of nature, has been often referred to in my neck of the woods as 'a bishop's collar'.

Having sex can be described as 'burying the baldy fella', 'playing hide the sausage', or indeed being 'up to me balls in beef', to be more obtuse.
The Irish language has us 'ag bualadh craiceann' - beating skin - and who am I to argue!

Quick joke (with apologies beforehand to McGrath):-
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a refigerator?
A refigerator doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

More later!!!

B.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:04 PM

QUESTION: Just how often do you get bored?

Maybe you should just get on board.

Cap't Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:09 PM

Sooz, you know that "it" is pretty much a "boring tool" in itself? :)

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:11 PM

Well, we all know yours is Mbo *BG*

B.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:14 PM

Smoothbore, not rifled, unless you got one of those weird condoms...

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:19 PM

And still in it's original casing, right?

B.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:19 PM

More names: John Thomas, Little Man (when in repose), Mr. Willie

When I was in grade school we told what we thought was such a clever joke about Dale Evans and Roy Rogers. They take their clothes off one piece at a time. When Roy sees her boobs, he says, "What're those?!"
Dale: "Those are my babies."
He takes his shirt off and she, seeing his chest hair, says "What's that?"
Roy: "That's my grass."
Dale doffs her knickers and he points downwards and says, "What is THAT?"
Dale: "That's my garage."
Roy strips off his pants and Dale says, "What is THAT?!"
Roy: "My car."
Dale: "Can my babies play in your grass?"
Roy: "If my car can park in your garage!"

We would all burst into silly titters thinking we were SO naughty telling that in whispers behind the schoolhouse.**BG**


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:22 PM

"Ma's out, Pa's out, let's talk rude:
Pee, po, belly, bum, drawers."

Flanders and Swann.

B.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: JamesJim
Date: 29 May 00 - 11:17 PM

Praise, you met the challenge! Great limerick. Hope you're not bored any longer (oops, no pun intended). Jim


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Hilary NZ
Date: 30 May 00 - 09:25 AM

and I've been reading a long and earnest thread about Shakespeare when I could have been here!!!!??!!!

What about Mr Winkle, The Old Todger...a favourite here in the antipodes is dork. i like that. "What a stupid dork he is"..nicely onomatapaeic.

And HEY... I used to be from Essex!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 30 May 00 - 12:42 PM

I loved Flanders & Swann, What ever happened to them?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,me
Date: 30 May 00 - 10:23 PM

i know i heard limerick...

a water pipe suited miss hunt

and she used it for many a bunt

but the unfortunate wench

got it stuck in her trench

it took twenty-two men and a big stilson wench

to get the thing out of her cunt

that's my vopf limerick, thankew


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:31 PM

Bill and Avery Durrant tell a little story in one of their thick history books about King Louis the 14th. He wasn't circumcised. For the first few years of his marriage he had painful erections from a tight foreskin, so, he avoided sex with Marie. After he consented to allowing the court doctors do some stretching, Louis discovered that he liked sex. However, he only enjoyed it for a few years before the common folk chopped off his other head.

Hence, 'Have you washed your King Louis tonight?'


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:47 PM

Also, methinks it's hardly fair to be comparing mens' and womens' reactions to tits versus puds. Shouldn't the comparisons be between the blue steeler and the bearded clam? Are you ladies going to start a thread on the joy hole or the crack of heaven?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:48 PM

Hey, Flattop! That's William and Ariel Durant. Barky's named after one o' them but I can never remember which one. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:55 PM

Louis the 16th


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:56 PM

Barky's named after Louis the 16th?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Pene Azul
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:58 PM

Lists of penis words (no Spanish) and testicle words from 2443 Dirty Words on George Carlin's website.

PA


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Diver
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:06 AM

Pene Azul,
I'm starting to get worried about you; your knowledge knows no bounds!!! *BG*


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:06 AM

Noper on that one, Spaw. But it was Louis XVI who got his head cut off. I think he would have been very offended if he found out that his great uncle Louis XIV was doing his old lady! **BG**

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:07 AM

Hey, close enough for this time of night, Amos. Got to leave some room to be corrected. And wasn't Louis the 14th beheaded?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:24 AM

Of course this is a music related thread, here are the words to Sringband's 1970's goody....

Show Us the Length
(Bob Bossin)

Girls as the principal of Terra Nova High School
Once each year it's a pleasure for me
To introduce you to the Mayor of the City of Pacifica
To say a few words about our annual Queen
"Who'll be," said the Mayor, "a very lucky maid
To represent the Pacifica to all of the state
And who could go on to be Miss California
Or even Miss America herself!"

"I expect to see some volunteers"
When one girl rose and without any fears

She said:
"Mr. Mayor,
Show us the length of your cock
Are you hung like a beaver or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks
So we can have a standard by which to compare
You men don't worry if it's very very slender
The personality is as important as a member
Drop your trousers and make the news
Or don't judge lest we judge you."

Well the girls watched the teachers who were checking out the principal
Who glanced at the Mayor who looked at his shoes
"Huh, huh", said the Mayor then "Excuse me Mr. Principal
I just remember I got something else to do
Elsewhere"But before he could leave the school
The girl came forward a holding out her ruler
The Mayor took off like a kite in the wind
When she started singing again:

Show us the length of your cock
Are you hung like a beaver or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks
So we can have a standard by which to compare
You men don't worry if its short or bent or slender
The personality is as important as a member
Drop your trousers and make the news
Or don't judge lest we judge you.

Girls as the Principal of Terra Nova High School
I called you back to say these words
A girl has been suspended for the rest of the semester
On account of the behavior of which you have all heard
By now it was a blow to Terra Nova's name
We believe in freedom but license is not the same
The women's liberation may be partially true
But there's never an excuse for being be rude.

Some girls clapped and others just booed
And all the other girls just sang this tune:

Show us the length of your cock
Are you hung like a beaver or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks
So we can have a standard by which to compare
You men don't worry if its short or bent or slender?
The personality is as important as a member
Drop your trousers and make the news
And don't judge lest we judge you.
(with no pants on)
Don't judge lest we judge you
(and find you wanting)
Don't judge lest we judge you
And don't judge unless you be judged
(Without a shred)

Apparently Bob Bossin wrote this song after listening to Vera Johnson's song about the same incident.Does anyone have the words to her song? I asked this on an earlier thread but didn't get an answer.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:28 AM

that's "Stringband"


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:32 AM

Still awake in BC, eh? Metchosin?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:35 AM

Yeah its still early, only 9:30, what are still doing up! No pun intended.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:37 AM

Bonnie, is that another short joke? Or are you too young to remember Rowan and Martin? I think it would have been funnier if you put the glasses on the ophthalmologist.

Praise, if I didn't know what your husband did for a living I'd never guess what your husband does for a living! This thread did limp along for a while but it seems to have gotten longer and stronger with time. I'm surprised no one has mentioned Peter Alsop's song It's Only a Wee-Wee. I heard him do that once at Folklife and almost, uh, wet myself.

And from a severely dysfunctional freshman year at Princeton, lo these many years ago:

A pregnant young lady named Jane
Was driven quite nearly insane
When she found that her box
Had had room for two cocks
And she didn't know which guy to blame

I'm sorry, I'll go away now. Oh, and 'Spaw, remind me never to go on a fishing trip on the Scioto River.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:39 AM

Just late night stupidity, I guess. Puns are acceptable. Some of us need whatever encouragement we can get.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: alison
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:42 AM

Here you go, article on willies and how frequent sex stops heart attacks.....

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:44 AM

While you're all here kinda' bored and all.......Take a picture of your ass. See the thread "Good Thoughts for a Mudcat Friend" so you can get the details of this great new fund raiser.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:59 AM

What kind of a thread creep would advertise a scatological thread on a perfectly respectable gonad thread, Spaw?


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 May 00 - 01:03 AM

The same kind that would hi-jack a perfectly respectable "Get Well Soon" thread.......that's be my guess anyway........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 01:21 AM

I think you'd better throw that trouser trout back in the canal, Spaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 00 - 04:19 PM

Nice to have so much company in boredom.

I think it is funniest that for once, a BS thread got hijacked into music, instead of the other way around!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone who says they hate BS threads would just post music stuff in them? I would love it, wouldn't you?

Don't you think music can be brought into any discussion?

BTW, it seems like thread creep in this thread isn't really possible, the way it was titled.

So... what's on YOUR mind today?

~S~


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