Lyr Req: No Jewels at All

Subject: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: GUEST,Estela
Date: 07 Jun 00 - 04:49 PM

warning: if bawdy songs offend you, don't read this thread!

I'm looking for the lyrics to "No jewels at all". It's a song very similar to "No balls at all", with the same basic plot and probably melody; the chorus runs "no jewels at all, no jewels at all, I married a man who had no jewels at all!"

A friend of mine sang it for me once, and that's all i remember of it....it's enough different from "no balls at all" that I can't reconstruct it, because it had some clever extensions on the "jewels" metaphor and is nowhere near as obvious as "no balls at all". anyone here know the verses?

thanks!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: Bert
Date: 07 Jun 00 - 06:17 PM

Oscar Brand sings "No hips at all"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: GUEST,Bruno
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 09:03 AM

I'd also like to know the song

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: GUEST,Estela
Date: 13 Jun 00 - 12:38 AM

just a refresh

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 13 Jun 00 - 01:36 AM

Okay, just this once. Tune: Colonel Bogey

Hitler, he only has one ball,
Himler, has two but very small,
Mussolini's are teeny beanies,
And Dr. Goebels has no balls at all.

Big hit in WW2, and can be heard in the movie "A Separate Peace"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 01:27 AM

G'day all,

Banjo Johnny: I guess this one (not quite what Estela is after) has different versions all round the world. What I remember, here in Australia, is:

Hitler, has only got one ball,
Himler, has two but very small,
Himmler is something sim'lar,
But poor old Goebels has no balls at all. (Shove the pisspot at him!)

I will be interested to see if Estela can scare up this more discreet version.

Regards,

Bob Bolton

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: Metchosin
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 01:52 AM

No Balls At All

Oh Mother, dear mother, I wish I was dead
And buried down deep with my poor maidenhead
I felt for his penis and found it was small
I felt for his balls, he had no balls at all

What! No balls at all
No balls at all
She married a man who had no balls at all
She felt for his penis
And found it was small
She felt for his balls
He had no balls at all.

Sorry, but that is all I can remember of "No Balls at All" but maybe it will trigger a memory for someone, of the version you seek.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 02:13 AM

I also have the Oscar Brand one. What a great set of bawdy albums, eh?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 01:33 PM

G'day Bob! Okay, but you have Himmler in there twice. (The rotten bum) :-} Johnny in Oklahoma City

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: GUEST,Estela
Date: 15 Jun 00 - 07:17 PM

Metchosin's is the "no balls at all" that I was referring to as being similar to the song I'm trying to find. Sorry all you Hitler's Balls people!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Lyr Req: No Jewels at All
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 15 Jun 00 - 07:24 PM

Bob, Yours is the basically the version I know but substitute Goerring ?sp in line 2.

Jon

Subject: Lyr Add: NO BALLS AT ALL
From: Metchosin
Date: 15 Jun 00 - 08:12 PM

Here is the full version I know, at least what I can remember.

NO BALLS AT ALL

Come you young maidens, give ear to my tale
This short little story will make you turn pale
It's about a young lady, so pretty and small
Who married a man who had no balls at all.

Chorus:
What ! No balls at all, no balls at all
Yes he had no balls at all.

How well she remembered the night they were wed
She rolled back covers and crept into bed
She felt for his penis and found it was small
She felt for his balls, he had no balls at all.
Cho:

Oh Mother, dear Mother, I wish I was dead
And buried down deep with my poor maidenhead
I felt for his penis and found it was small
But alas my poor husband has no balls at all.
Cho:

Oh daughter, dear daughter, don't worry my dear
I had the same trouble with your father I fear
But there's many a man who will come to the call
Of the wife of the man who has no balls at all.
Cho:

The pretty young lady took her mothers advice
And found the whole thing exceedingly nice
An eleven pound baby was born in the fall
To the wife of the man who had no balls at all.