Thought for the Day - June 9

Subject: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: GUEST,Peter T.
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 08:39 AM

This is a long thought, but seems to me to capture quite well part of that impenetrable jungle/vacant lot known as the male psyche. It is from an undated occasional column on men from the Canadian Globe and Mail newspaper, by Terry McManus, a writer (and songwriter):

"The man who says his prayers in the evening is a captain posting his sentries. After that he can sleep. " - Charles Baudelaire.


It is sometime past 2 in the morning and I find myself in the upstairs hallway going from room to room looking in on the children. There is no special reason, such as a coughing spell or a call for water: I am just wandering. I go downstairs to check the doors and have a glass of milk. Sitting at the kitchen table, I listen to the sounds of our house: creaks and snaps as the furnace heats up, then the rush of air that rattles the basement door as the fan kicks in. Outside, there is the sound of the wind through the eaves and then the unexpected rumble of a car on our quiet street. I listen until it recedes in the distance and all is peaceful again.

My thoughts turn to the health of my family. One child in my son's kindergarten class has come down with a high fever, and tonight I read in the paper of a case of meningitis in a nearby town. I remember to add vitamins to the grocery list on the kitchen counter and make a note to buy some of the new "natural" orange juice that is being advertised. I wonder what good a glass of orange juice can do against a determined virus. Maybe a lot or maybe nothing. My children, who are in no position to judge the relative merits of various preventative therapies will get the orange juice and drink it happily. There are other decisions that they do not take as kindly to, but my intentions in all are the same: to protect them.

I remind myself that not so long ago I would have been sitting here wondering about the mortgage and deciding what bills to pay. There were many nights when my family slept and I took out the calculator and figured out repayment schedules and various methods of gerrymandering one dollar to make it cover two. With a combination of hard work and a little luck, those days have receded. Still, here I am.

These are my private thoughts. I, like many other men, keep my own counsel on many matters.. I don't mean to ruminate in the middle of the night but it happens.

Contemplation is the companion of silence. The small hours of the morning seem to lend themselves to quiet reverie.

Women are right: men don't talk. At least not about what's really on their minds. We can talk about love and feelings when the mood hits us or when we're reminded, with varying degrees of good or bad humour, of our lack of attention. That is not what I mean when I say we don't talk.

It is a lot more complicated than that. We men have a secret society that meets in the dead of night. We may be wide awake in bed, or sitting in the kitchen. We could be on the 20th floor of an apartment building staring at the streets below or standing at the window of a rural farmhouse searching the darkness for an answer.

What is it that we are keeping to ourselves? It is our feeling of responsibility. It is the belief that, in spite of all the claims to the contrary, the burden of our families' health and happiness rest solely with us. This may not be the feeling of every culture and every man in this culture, but it is my belief and many men share it. This is my family and it is my job to shepherd them through this night. Through this life.

It is so easy to become complacent sitting in my now-quiet suburban neighbourhood. I have no doubt that living in this place and in this time makes me one of the most privileged men on Earth. My family wants for nothing physically. We have our normal conflicts, but we can always reach past the angry words or gestures and touch the love that is the foundation of our lives.

Still, I am vigilant. I take nothing for granted. It can all change in the blink of an eye. I have seen it. You have seen it.

"Enjoy life, my family," we say. "Sleep well, my family," we say.

We will watch and we will keep it to ourselves.

I finish my milk and put the glass in the sink. Before I turn off the lights I check the doors once again. Upstairs, I look in on the children once more and then I slip into bed beside my wife. She stirs and I shape to her body. I post my sentries and then I close my eyes to sleep.

- from the Globe and Mail, Terry McManus.

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 08:53 AM

Beautiful, Peter...nice to see you back amongst us...

kat

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 09:44 AM

Peter,

Rinse that damn glass before you go to bed! SS

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 10:30 AM

I am sat at my desk after reading your thoughts with a hard lump in my throat and wet eyes.
It is not so different for women - alright we talk, but I believe we also have similar thoughts. There is the "what if" monster that comes to visit. What if he is not sleeping soundly and he's really dead. What if she is not just late getting home but in a ditch somewhere or worse.
The responsibility to nurture and care to a certain extent comes naturally and when things do go wrong almost all women/mothers will blame themselves. The responsibility of a partner and a family are a constant - I think its because you feel they are an extention of yourself and the loss or damage to one is like having a limb amputated and worse. Silent fears happen all the time.
You men are not alone - we women are with you 100%
Patrish

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 10:40 AM

Excellent piece. It hits us all. Very insightful.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 11:31 AM

It must be something in the water!

I came home from a music session last night.

I wasn't that tired.

So I sat out in the conservatory, with no lights on and just the crescent moon to light the garden. I sat there for ages, just listening and watching.

The clouds, watching the garden umberella move in the wind, listened to the noisy old deep freezer in the utility room (must get a new one) and listened to the house creak, and the tap drip occasionally.

I watched a hedgehog wander past, and a cat, and listened to a neighbours dog barking.

It was actually very peaceful, and relaxed me to get me tired and ready to sleep.

Sometimes though it is nice just to sit there thinking about not very much at all. To wind down, and get all the busy thoughts from the day out of your head. And switch off.

And the silvery moon last night was lovely.

Ella

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: GUEST,April790
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 11:42 AM

Oh, this was so touching--just great! I'm new here and will be back just to read more of this if nothing else!

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 12:48 PM

Oh man, this really hits home. And with father's day coming up on Sunday I'm going to be sure to let my old man know that his long nights on duty have paid off. He never said a word about it, but it's my Dad's caring that was passed on to me and, hopefully, will be passed on to my sons in turn.

It's comforting to know that this felt sense - this need to stay alert to the possible dangers - is shared by lots of us, both dads and moms. Maybe the force of the number of us determined to keep evil away from our loved ones will somehow defeat it - someday. When it comes down to it, I don't fear anything for myself. I have learned that I can take a licking and move on. But the thought of something happening to one of mine. . . The next time I'm sitting there listening to the night's breathing, it'll be comforting to know that I'm not alone.

Thanks, Peter, and Peace to you all on this beautiful day.

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: tar_heel
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 12:55 PM

I JUST READ ABOUT BARBARA LEAVING!(BBC)RUINED MY DAY!!!

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: TerriM
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 02:08 PM

Peter, I just want to say thank you for putting so eloquently what many of us, male and female, feel and experience. Next time I'm having a 'white night' or a bad dose of the 'what-ifs' I will think of you at your kitchen table as I sit at mine half a world way. This site is amazing at pointing up and celebrating the differences between us, and that may impact on why BBC felt she had to go, but it also underlines the fact that where it matters, we are so alike.

Subject: RE: Thought for the Day - June 9
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 02:43 PM

LonesomeEJ's and Rex's restless night reminded me of this thread.

"It is so easy to become complacent sitting in my now-quiet suburban neighbourhood. I have no doubt that living in this place and in this time makes me one of the most privileged men on Earth. My family wants for nothing physically. We have our normal conflicts, but we can always reach past the angry words or gestures and touch the love that is the foundation of our lives.

Still, I am vigilant. I take nothing for granted. It can all change in the blink of an eye. I have seen it. You have seen it."

Stay vigilant guys and remember, if you have to evacuate, rinse the glass in the sink. When you come back, it will be one less thing to deal with.

SS