The funniest songs you have ever heard II

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: terrier
Date: 30 Jun 12 - 02:03 PM

I've not read through this thread so this may have had a mention, if so, I'll give it another. Barrow Poets - Pheasant Pluckers Song (look it up on utube). Best listened to after a few alcholic beveridges, dare you not to laugh.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Joe_F
Date: 29 Jun 12 - 09:23 PM

And, oh yes, "Jealous Daddy's Death Song". Not in the DigiTrad! I'll see to that by&by.

And if any you punks try to misbehave,
I'll haunt your asses to an early grave.
I'm tellin' you boys,
Don't you monkey with my widow when I'm gone.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 29 Jun 12 - 10:32 AM

Has anyone mentioned Eric Idle's Galaxy Song?

Galaxy Song - Monty Python

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jun 12 - 08:09 AM

Bruce Guthro has some very good ones (all unrecorded, but great fun at his live shows). Here's 2 I could find:

Joe

Roses






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Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Spidercake
Date: 28 Jun 12 - 02:09 PM

I heard Michael Johnson recently. He sang a parody of Roy Orbison's "Blue Bayou" that went something like this:

I went out one autumn day,
The sky was dark, the clouds were gray;
A gust of wind caught my toupee
And it blew by you.

I'm going back out there to find my hair
That blew by you.
It's a black toupee with just a touch of gray
That blew by you.
I've got no peace of mind without that piece of mine;
My head looks like a baby's behind.
I wish I dug where to find that rug
That blew... by... you.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 12 - 02:02 PM

Then there's that CD of Gregorian chants sung in Pig Latin.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,bawdy chick
Date: 28 Jun 12 - 11:22 AM

Muppett's version of Ghost Chicken's in the sky or his version of the Turtle song.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: alanabit
Date: 23 Jun 12 - 10:41 AM

An honourable mention for Richard Digance's "Sod's Law".

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 05:08 PM

Vatican Rag Tom Lehrer.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Carole Bannister
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 04:51 PM

"Family Tree" by jake Thackery.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 01:47 PM

I forgot "Hymn to Fat Girls".

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Musket
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 06:48 AM

A few people mentioning the late Jake Thackray songs and I fully agree.

A personal favourite is On Again, On Again. Bernard Wrigley does a decent version of it, and introduces it as "Anybody who can write a song with the opening line "I love a good bum on a woman, it makes my day" gets my vote."

Quite.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,the joker
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 06:19 AM

3 top candidates are "Shave em dry" by Lucille Bogan which is not only hilarious but also completely disgusting "Reefer Man" by the Harlem Hamfats and also a Welsh guy singing When I'm doing acid to the George Formby tune about window cleaning. The Stash record label has literally dozens of hilarious songs relating to sex, pot smoking and other vices.
Your balls hang down like an old bell saddle, your dick stands up like a steeple,
Your goddam arsehole stands open like a church door and the crabs walk in like people - Top that (Lucille Bogan Shave em dry)

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 04:21 AM

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny - PM
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 03:58 PM

I see several votes for Spike Jones, so I'll put in a plug for his parody of TEA FOR TWO (In some secluded rendezvous ... Whoopee!
.,,.
SFAICS this has not been corrected in the 10 years & 12 days that have passed since it was posted. I was not told on another forum "MGM, your pedantry is legendary" for nothing. So, in my capacity as the one-&-only Official Legendary Pedant, I must point out that it was COCKTAILS FOR TWO, not Tea For Two!

~Michael~
OLP

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: alanabit
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 03:39 AM

He is not the first man to come to mind when you think of comedy, but I love this! Richard Thompson sings to Janet Jackson.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,blueyedsongstress
Date: 22 Jun 12 - 02:21 AM

HELP! Does anyone have a clue about a song from waaaaaaay back somewhere between the 20's and 40's, about a man who gets tossed off a roof by his love, and then he asks her if she still loves him ?!

I know this is a long shot, but trying to find this for a friend...have had no success in general online searches.

Any help is appreciated ! Thanks so much

[e-mail] ( will not open any e-mail with 'no subject' in the subject line!)

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Ebbie on a Mac
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 04:02 AM

One of the funniest songs I have ever heard is 'Railroad Bill'. Written by an Andy Breckman.


Sample:

I said one day Bill was walking along
And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
To set that kitty cat free
Bill said no, ain't gonna do it
Ain't gonna do what you said
This is a stupid stupid song and as far as I'm concerned
That cat can stay there till it's dead


I said wait a minute Bill, you can't argue with me
For God's sake I just made you up
I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree
I want that cat unstuck
Bill said no, I hate cats
Ain't gonna climb for no cat
He said why don't you have me save a beautiful girl
Who's been tied down to the railroad tracks?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Mark Ross
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 04:44 PM

THE CASTRATION OF THE STRAWBERRY ROAN gets my vote.

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,rechal
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 01:06 PM

Johnny Cash's "City Jail" has always tickled me:


City jail, city jail
Like an old scared dog, I tuck my tail
I hung my head and not a careless word was said
I gotta sleep on the floor once more at the city jail

Back when I first came to this town
I was mindin' my own business (like I always do)
When I saw this waitress in this bus station cafe
And I thought I check out the action (like I always do)
Well, I gave her the eye and made a few choice personal comments
About what I thought mine and her possibilities could be for a team
When she called the badge on me
The badge grabbed me by the arm and he said
What are you doin' hangin' around here for?
And I said for whatever's goin' around.

City jail city jail...

He said no what I mean is what are you doin'
Sayin' things like that to that lady?
And I said what's that lady's doin' with purple hair?
Well the badge said you're a smart aleck, ain't you son?
And I said no sir, I'm just hungry
And he said well you're actin' like a smart aleck
And I said well that's how I act when I get hungry

City jail city jail...

Well he put me outside in a dark corner
And before you could say hypocrite he hit me on the head
And I said oooh please don't hit me on the head
I can't protect myself with these handcuffs on
And he hit me again and he hit me again and he hit me again
And I said please don't stand on my feet when you hit me
I'll break my ankles when I fall

City jail city jail...

Well about that time they threw me in the wagon
And that waitress walked out with a sailor
I said hey you! Not you, I'm talkin' to the purple people eater
Yes you lady! Quote! You're the cause of it all! Unquote.
And she said get me away from that horrible man, Harry.

And as they hauled me away I said everybody have a nice evening

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 08:37 PM

Havn't the time to go through the whole thread but has anyone mentioned Stan Freberg?

Banana Boat Song or Yellow Rose of Texas still crease me up!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Dmarie
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 06:31 PM

Do you have the full lyrics for little ditches. Or a copy you could possibly email. I've been looking fir it everywhere ?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Rex Knight
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 04:02 PM

Somebody asked who wrote "the hole in the elephant's bottom". I don't know the answer but I first heard this song sung by Actor/Singer Tony Snell in the early 1950s. He had a "coffe house" then except it was not a house but a Medway Barge mooored just of the Medway at Tonbridge.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Alan Whittle
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 06:45 PM

The funniest song I ever heard....

Maria! Maria! Mar-i-a!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 06:19 PM

Oor Hamlet tells the whole story of Shakespeare's Hamlet in 12 verses. I first heard it from Martin Carthy.

words by Adam McNaughton, music Mason`s Apron?

There was this king sitting in his garden all alane
When his brother in his ear poured a wee bit of henbane.
He stole his brother's crown and his money and his widow.
But the dead king walked and got his son and said "Hey listen, kiddo!

"I've been killed, and it's your duty then to take revenge on Claudius.
Kill him quick and clean and show the nation what a fraud he is."
The boy said "Right, I'll do it. But I'll have to play it crafty.
So no one will suspect me, I'll kid on that I'm a dafty."

Then with all except Horatio, cuz he counts him as a friend,
Hamlet, that's the boy, puts on he's round the bend.
But because he was not ready for obligatory killing,
He tried to make the king think he was tuppence off a shilling.

Got a rise out of Polonius, treats poor Ophelia vile,
Told Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Denmark's a bloody jail.
Then a troupe of travelling actors, like Seven Eighty-four,
Arrived to do a special one night gig in Elsinore.

    Hamlet! Hamlet! Loved his mommy!
    Hamlet! Hamlet! Acting barmy!
    Hamlet! Hamlet! Hesitatin',
    Wonders if the ghost's a cheat
    And that is why he's waitin'.

Then Hamlet wrote a scene for the players to enact
While Horatio and he watched to see if Claudius cracked.
The play was called "The Mousetrap" (not the one that's running now),
And sure enough, the king walked out before the final bow.

So Hamlet's got the proof that Claudius gave his dad the dose.
The only problem being, now, that Claudius knows he knows.
So while Hamlet tells his mother her new husband's not a fit one,
Uncle Claude puts out a contract with the English king as hit man.

And when Hamlet killed Polonius, the concealed corpus delecti,
Was the king's excuse to send him for an English hempen necktie.
With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make sure he got there,
Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger on that pair.

Meanwhile Leartes heard his dad had been stabbed through the arras.
He came running back to Elsinore, toot-sweet, hotfoot from Paris.
And Ophelia, with her dad killed by the man she wished to marry,
After saying it with flowers, she committed hari-cari.

    Hamlet! Hamlet! Nae messin'!
    Hamlet! Hamlet! Learned his lesson!
    Hamlet! Hamlet! Yorick's crust
    Convinced him that men, good or bad,
    At last must come to dust.

Then Leartes lost his cool and was demanding retribution.
The king said "Keep your head, and I'll provide you a solution."
He arranged a sword fight for the interested parties,
With a blunted sword for Hamlet, and a sharpened sword for Leartes.

To make things double sure, the old "belt and braces" line,
He fixed a poison sword tip, and a poison cup of wine.
The poison sword got Hamlet, but Leartes went and muffed it,
'Cause he got stabbed himself, and he confessed before he snuffed it.

Then Hamlet's mommy drank the wine, and as her face turned blue,
Hamlet said "I think the king's a baddie through and through."
"Incestuous, murderous, damned Dane," he said to be precise,
And made up for hesitating once by killing Claudius twice,

For he stabbed him with the sword and forced the wine between his lips.
He cried "The rest is silence," and cashed in all his chips.
They fired a volley over him that shook the topmost rafter.
And Fortinbras, knee-deep in Danes, lived happily ever after.

    Hamlet! Hamlet! Oh so gory!
    Hamlet! Hamlet! End of story!
    Hamlet! Hamlet! I'm away!
    If you think this is boring,
    You should read the bloody play.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Azoic
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 06:04 PM

The song ,penned by Les Barker, about GWB.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: JHW
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 05:33 PM

Big Col Watson singing the standard words of The Hokey Cokey - In Geordie

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: tritoneman
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 06:37 AM

I always thought some of Jeremy Taylor's songs were very funny. I think one of his best was 'Traffic Wardens Are Go'.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Alan Whittle
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 06:12 AM

A year or three back at fylde ff, Accrington Stanley did this brilliant parody of leonard Cohen's Hallelujah!

Really parodies deserve their own thread.

Other favourites were My Daddy is a Left wing Intellectual by Alex Glasgow.

Piss Off - performed by Derek brimstone.

Back in the mists of time Leon Rosselson used to do this song about travelling on the tube - Someone isn't Using Amplex!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 10:02 PM

The (unintentionally) funniest rendition of a humorous song was when I heard 'Hairy Mary' being sung by a man from the Western Isles, probably Lewis or Harris; he really thought he was singing this song of lost love in Glasgow with a Glaswegian accent, when in fact he still had a very strong Hebridean one. Everyone in the room was trying their best not to laugh but there were tears running down faces and people in contortions - -- !

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 06:48 PM

I like the way the late Zeke Mazurek used to sing Ste Anne's Reel to the tune of the fiddle tune:


(A part)
everybody's wondering if Ste Anne's real
If Ste Annes' Real, if Ste Anne's real,
Everybody's wondering if Ste Anne's real,
Is she really really really really real?

(B part)
Is she really really real, is she really really real?
Is she really really really really really really real?
Is she really really real, is she really really real?
Is she really really really really really really real?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 06:44 PM

Sorry, Don't Pet The Dog was written and performed by Pinkard & Bowden.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 06:40 PM

Has anyone mentioned Don't Pet The Dog?

He gets it confused with romance
He ain't been fixed
And he knows some tricks
He'll be asking your leg to the dance.
So don't pet the dog.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 06:37 PM

That song sounds a lot like one I heard Arnie Naiman sing called If I Had A Nose Full Of Nickels. I wonder which one came first.

If I had a nose full of nickels
I know just what I would do
I would give them to folks who are having tough times
I know that would bring me a heart full of dimes

I would spend the dimes on streetcars
To take poor kids to the zoo
That would leave me with one streetcar token
Yes my heart would be broke, but not broken

Like I said to Mitch, I would always be rich
With a nose full of nickels and you

Like I said to Mitch, if you're poor and not rich
I would sneeze all my nickles at-you. (achoo)

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: DocMando
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 03:49 PM

The last funny one I worked up was "If My Nose Was Runnin' Money".

Chorus:
If my nose was runnin' money, I'd blow it all on you
I'd buy you a Cadillac, a new Mercedes too
I'd build you a mansion up on that mountaintop
If my nose was running money, but honey, it's not

I also liked Lyle Lovett's "Keep It In The Pantry".

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Acorn4
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 12:30 PM

I think "Bad Blood" is my favourite Bonzos track - hilarious take off of "A Boy Named Sue".

"I've been chasing that particular sonofabitch for years and you just shot him and spoiled everything - I could have been a doctor or an architect!"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Colin Randall
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 11:38 AM

Tony Capstick's "Capstick Come Home" - a mock-tragic slice of pit village nostalgia, taking off the Hovis bread ad and set, like the ad, to Dvorak's The New World Symphony' - was sublime.

You can read the lyrics here -
http://www.mds975.co.uk/Content/funnies6.html

- though I'm the first to admit they don't look quite as fun written down as delivered in Tony's Yorkshire dialect.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Smokey.
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 11:26 AM

'My Pink Half of the Drainpipe'

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: tritoneman
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 02:44 AM

Yes, a lot of the Bonzos stuff is funny. I don't know which one made me laugh the most. Possibly 'Mr Apollo', 'Sport' or most likely 'Hunting Tigers Out In India'.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 06:29 PM

Likewise, "Is this the way it always is in Baltimore?" always gets a smile from me.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Smokey.
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 02:04 PM

I think the most I've ever laughed at a song was my first hearing of 'The Sound of Music' as done by the Bonzos on their 'Gorilla' album.

However, the funniest line I ever heard in a song was intended to be serious, which only added to the effect: "I would crawl on my hands and knees to reach your back door".

I can only apologise to the author for my involuntary reaction and lamentably bad taste, but it rendered me virtually incontinent.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Arkie
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 01:44 PM

Mention of Red River Dave brings to mind "Clinging Lovers of Kenya", a song of a philandering couple being caught by the wife who super glued the pair together and "The Ballad of the Pine Tarred Bat".

Cliffie Stone's "The Grunt Song" is also good for a chuckle or two.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 01:38 PM

Mike Cross' tune was not Little Boxes, I must've been thinking of Malvina at the time. Mike's tune was Little Ditches, about a family who all worked in the undertaking business.
"We made our riches
Putting folks in little ditches
Six feet under the ground."

"Papa looked just like an old church deacon
But underneath he really was a clown.
He said,"Folks are just dying for our service
And you know we'd be the last to let 'em down."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Mr Red
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 01:20 PM

Paddy's Sick Note / Pile of Bricks (Pat Cooksey of this parish)

and pre-dating that - Even listening to Gerrard Hoffnung do the story I can't help laughing even though I know most of the gist. And I have seen references to earlier stories of that ilk. But Mr Hoffnung (Debate at the Oxford Union LP (CD etc)) has a delivery that just - well - timing is everything.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 09:06 AM

Chap at our club, Arthur does a song called Brown Bread, a skit on the Hovis (he were a great baker our Dad) Adverts. Really side splitting

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: Diva
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 08:22 AM

At last years Frank Harte festival I heard "The Drawers my Iris wore" for the first time...........brilliant thought I was a gonner I laughed so much. If I knew how to do blue clickys I'd post it. Very clever and very very funny

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: FloraG
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 07:04 AM

During the Faversham hop festival evening sing arounds I always ask one of the mummers to do ' going to Morrow'.    Its a music hall song with some lovely lines like ' if you want to go to Morrow today you should have left yesterday.
FloraG.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 07 Apr 11 - 03:42 AM

One For Them And One For Me by Mike Phirman

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: PHJim
Date: 06 Apr 11 - 11:30 PM

The Scotsman and Little Boxes both by Mike Cross
Cold Pizza For Breakfast and Bald Headed Men both by Christine Lavin
Life Gets Teejus by ?
Live Free Or Die sung, but not written by Hayes Carll
Chickens written and sung by Hayes Carll
A song by Todd Snider about a guy who got kicked out of every bar in town so he made one in a tool shed in his back yard. What was the name of that bar?
Todd also wrote a song called Beer Run which is pretty funny, but the introduction is even funnier. He talks about writing the song and then "a couple of years later Garth Brooks wrote it again."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Elmore
Date: 06 Apr 11 - 10:00 PM

" waltzing Around in the Nude" by Dick McCormack

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard II
From: GUEST,Flu-Bird
Date: 06 Apr 11 - 04:56 PM

Anything by WEIRD AL YAKLOVICH and YOU CANT ROLLERSKATE IN A BUFFALO HEARD by ROGER MILLER,