Song Challenge! Part 28

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Flash Company
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 11:17 AM

Beer, beer, combustible beer,
Fill yourself right up to here,
Pour down you throttle a hydrogen bottle
And burn off a customer's ear,
Mind what you do when you go to the loo,
Or you may get a flame from the rear,
Japanese singers can burn off your fingers
With Suiso combustible beer.

Better late than never!

FC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: GUEST,AcappellaPete
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 11:34 PM

You drink sixteen pints and strike a match, Mac.
    Get third-degree burns on your gastrointestinal tract.
    Don't sing karioke with hydrogen, Joe,
    Or the whole damn city of Tokyo may blow!

    (Sung to "Sixteen Tons")

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 01:17 PM

Fire... Bruce Springsteen and a demented sailor

We're singing in a bar, we drink Asaka Beer
I'm talking to you and you don't seem to hear.
I say my dog hears me and you call me a liar
And when we breathe Oooh Fire

I ask you if you, want to sing Karaoke
You say "What the hey?" I say okey Dokie
You saw you are hungry, but don't go near the frier
And when we breathe Oooh Fire You've drank Hydrogen beer from the start,
But be real careful if you have to fart
Don't go near a flame or you'll feel like an Ass
When you are blown apart By the blast

Gorjira and Mothra, George and the Dragon
We'll blow flame like them, if we drink a flagon
We'll watch Gene Simmons, it can only inspire Cause when we drink, oooh Fire

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 11:47 AM

A parody of "The Rare Oul' Mountain Dew"

Let barley brew and grapes ferment
And poitín be distilled
There's only one drink in this world
Of which to drink your fill
It's from Japan
It's sold in cans
It tastes a little queer
It packs a punch
When you drink a bunch
Of the rare oul' hydrogen beer

Your voice's picth, once deep and rich
Will soon become a squeak
People fall about as you move your mouth
As you try in vain to speak
But belch near flame
And then the game
Goes through the stratosphere
You can hurl fireballs
At the floors and walls
If you're drinking hydrogen beer

Glass blowers know the golden rule
Blow, don't ever suck!
I didn't realise that the same rule applies
And I came a bit unstuck
I cheated death
As I took a breath
The moment that I rifted
The merest spark
Found the mark
And through the air I lifted

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Dharmabum
Date: 20 Jun 00 - 12:56 PM

Thanks Aine, Can't wait for the next one.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 19 Jun 00 - 04:12 PM

Here ya go Challenge!rs -- the well-earned awards for Challenge! No. 28 -- It was a great bunch of songs, folks, and I thank you all for your submissions. Keep your eyes peeled for No. 29 (think...beasties...). Cudos, thanks and congrats to all! -- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock:
Beer, Beer by Kelida
Little Bottles by McGrath of Harlow

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Blow The Place Down by McGrath of Harlow
The Human Hydrogen Bomb by Dharmabum
Osaka Beer Inc. by Bradypus
Pour Me A Pint And I'll Flame When I Sing by Jeri
The Tokyo Rover by McGrath of Harlow

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
My Brewsky's Got Some Gas In It by Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jun 00 - 06:12 PM

Keli - you realize that the next time I hear "Rose Rose" I will either dissolve in laughter or choke...and for me that is an occupational hazard as I hear that round a LOT! Great job!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Kelida
Date: 18 Jun 00 - 03:26 PM

I know I've been gone awhile, but I thought a good return would be a song, so here it is--to the tune of "Rose, Rose":

Beer, Beer

Beer, beer, beer, beer,
Fifteen pints has brought me near
Death from hydrogen in beer,
Fire from the beer.

Flame, flame, flame, flame
Flame has failed to bring me fame
I thought more beer would help me tame
More flame, flame, flame.

Sue, sue, sue, sue
Sue Osaka Beer and crew
Mute and jobless they have left me
Someone should have knew

So, there it is. I don't know about the last verse--don't be surprised if I change it later. But for now, that's it.

Peace--Keli

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Jun 00 - 07:06 PM

Jumping Jack Flash,
It's a gas, gas, gas...

Well, the chorus works as it is. There's probably some monstrous curse lying in wait for anyone who messes with the verses, so I'll leave that to someone else...

re gases in the drink - I seem to remember hearing they used to bubble ether through it to liven up the poitín at one time. Maybe Nitrous Oxide (the old gas and air machine at the birth of a baby - do they still have that?)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: GUEST,Áine (posting from Dear Hubby's PC)
Date: 17 Jun 00 - 12:49 PM

Whoops! I meant to say "And you can drift this thread as far as you want, sir" -- this computer has a terrible keyboard and I'm frustrated enough as it is ... Grrrrr!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: GUEST,Áine (posting from Dear Hubby's PC)
Date: 17 Jun 00 - 12:43 PM

The cable modem and my PC have developed irreconcilable differences (which will has led to a seperation and an impending divorce), so I'll be using DH's PC for a while.

Kevin - Brilliant! Another great parody from the master. And you can drift this thread as far as you, sir.

MMario - I do hope the job is getting easier. Hang in there, baby!

-- Áine (soon to be betting a DSL account, dang it!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Jun 00 - 09:42 PM

Sure, it's an urban legend. But the question is - would it work? Most beer in kegs, they use Carbon Dioxide, which buggers it up; Guinness they use Nitrogen, which is not so bad. Someone must have tried a few other gasses - so what happpened?

Thread drift I grant you - but I put in two songs, so I feel entitled to drift a bit. And whie I'm about it, here's a third.

The Tokyo Rover

I went up to the bar
of this pub in Japan
and I asked the landlady,
"Put a drink in me hand".
And she gave me a bottle
and it tasted OK
then I lit a cigar,
and me world blew away.
And it's no, no never,
no, no never no more
I never will drink
in that Tike-Tak bar.

I reached for me pocket,
but me pants were alight,
and the landlady's eyes
opened wide at the sight. And she says "You'll quit drinkin
if you've got any sense
with a customer like you
I will gladly dispense".

And it's no, no never,
no, no never no more
I never will drink
in that Tike-Tak bar.

I'll go home to my parents,
me Dad and me Mum,
and I'll ask them to bandage
my poor injured thumb.
And when they have done so, I might have the odd jar,
but I'll nevermore drink
in that Tike-Tak bar.
And it's no, no never,
no, no never no more
I never will drink
in that Tike-Tak bar.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jun 00 - 09:19 PM

my "quality composing time" has been limited lately...ie: w*rk has been a b*tch and time limited on home computer....haven't even been able to recapture my "Pepe Le Pue song" *sigh* so many songs, so little time...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 15 Jun 00 - 06:36 PM

Just thought I'd put my song where my mouth is (so to speak!):

Suiso and Sushi (Tune: Summertime)

With Suiso beer, oh the singing is mighty,
Toss a brew back, and your voice will swing high,
Your daddy's rich, you can drink the bar dry now,
Just don't burp too hard or the Suiso and sushi will fly.

Tike Take time, all the mics are back-feeding,
And the crowd sounds like dolphins on speed,
Crank up Madonna, Ricky M., and old Cher now,
We'll even play 'Babs', dear -- if you feel the need.

Music's blaring, and the lighters are clicking,
Just like Vegas, where the night's turned to day,
Burps and belches, even from the most dainty,
Just six beers and a song, luv -- no doing the "Otamo Way"

It was hard, picking up all the pieces,
Now bartenders, they all wear bombsquad suits,
Drink up and party, but please keep the gas on 'low',
If you flame like Gojira, we'll just have to give you the boot!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 15 Jun 00 - 05:37 PM

I can't believe it -- This is first time I've seen a SONG CHALLENGE! thread fall of the "daily" list in this short a time . . . Come one you guys, I know you've got more in you than this . . . *BG*

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 03:29 PM

Dear Mbo -- Great! Now, that is a blues number, right? And could the title possibly be "My Brewsky's Got Some Gas In It"? I love it!

And NancAurelia -- There is no such thing as a "reality check" in the Mudcat Song Challenge! Please see Subsubsection A07.655-UU.43.899.666 of the official Challenge! Handbook for verfication of our policy. *BG*

We just gotta be free . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 02:50 PM

As stated in the opening post.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: GUEST,NancAurelia
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 01:39 PM

Ummm... Hate to be a stick-in-the-mud, and not to detract in any way from the wonderful songs on the topic, but per the Urban Legends website, About.com, the Asaka Beer Corp. and Suiso hydrogen beer, are fictitious. See http://www.snopes.com/spoons/faxlore/hydrbeer.htm

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Jun 00 - 12:43 PM

e

Well, I'm a-standin' in the barroom
Cigarette in my hand
You see I'm tryin' to blow a fireball
Just as far as I can

My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
So I can blow some flame

Hey all I need is one mighty belch
From drinking gallons of beer
And I'll blow a big blue flyin' flame
That beats out everyone here
My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
So I can blow some flame

You know they call me "Firestarter"
Cause I just dig Prodigy
I blow flames when I sing their songs
At Friday evening karoake!

My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
So I can blow some flame

You know Gojira ain't got nuffin' on me
Or neither did Sir William Wallace
My fireballs come out my big ol' mouth
His only came from out his ass

My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
My brewsky's got some gas in it
So I can blow some flame


--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 00 - 09:06 AM

Brava, Jeri! Wunnerful, wunnerful! That one is going to be hard to follow. And thanks again for this great Challenge! to start the summer.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jun 00 - 08:49 AM

*STANDING OVATION!* Jeri, that is great!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 09:26 PM

Well, I couldn't help myself...

From France we do get brandy
From Jamaica comes rum
And onions from Bermuda and Vidalia come
But combustable beer is a Japanese thing
So pour me a pint and I'll flame when I sing

cho: I'll flame when I sing, I'll flame when I sing
Poor me a pint and I'll flame when I sing

My father he do lie in the pond with the fish
To extinguish his eyebrows was his only wish
For standing too close, certain dangers will bring
Just pour me etc.

cho:

My wife she do disturb me when I practice a while,
She says "Great Balls O' Fire" is a song not a style;
I'll be the one to get burnt when her suit she does bring,
Pour me a pint etc

cho

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 09:08 PM

Dear Mbo,

Of course it is . . . just testing you (ahem, right...) Oh well, isn't it the bloody thought that counts??? *BG*

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Mbo
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 08:42 PM

Um...Aine, isn't that Dolly?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 08:39 PM

It's so nice to be rolling on the floor in happy tears amongst the dust bunnies and cat hair again, dear Kevin, Ron and Bradypus . . . just like ole times, eh? What with the last few weeks of reality exerting negative pressure on me and my darlin' Stars losing the Cup, I don't know what I'd of done without all my wunnerful Challenge!rs . . . Like Mame, I promise "never to go away again"!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Bradypus
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 07:29 PM

Aine - welcome back - the place wasn't the same without you!

McGrath - congratulations - two excellent songs. I'm not sure which one had me laughing more.

Ron - A good start to the challenge. The tune goes well with the topic.

Dave - In principle, you should get the Donald Duck effect with hydrogen - it's to do with the density of the gas, and they're both a lot lighter than air. However hydrogen isn't nearly so available, nor so safe, as witness our tale.

Tune: Lily The Pink:

Osaka Beer Inc

Chorus

O we'll drink, we'll drink, we'll drink
To Osaka Beer Inc, Beer Inc, Beer Inc
And we'll give a hearty cheer
They invented
The new Karaoke
With hydrogenated beer

In Japan
There's many a fan
Of the karaoke scene
The singing's freer
With Suiso brand beer
For it makes you feel serene

At Tike Take
The manager's whacky
And to pull the punters in
A competition
For karaoke rendition
High voice and flames will let you win

Mister Squeers
Was singing for years
But he didn't have much luck
Till he switched to
The beer that's called Suiso
Now he sounds like Donald Duck

Just drink a flagon
You'll feel like a dragon
Just one burp and there she blows
To make things brighter
Use a cigarette lighter
Watch the flames shoot out your nose

Mister Otama
Caused quite a drama
Fifteen bottles down the hatch
More and more
He's a human flame thrower
When ignited by a match

Fifteen lagers
Then looking daggers
He was high, but out of tune
So no prizes
For song and flame sizes
He blew up like a balloon

Internal combustion
Caused quite a ruction
When he ate his cigarette
Third degree burns
Exploding in turns
And he drank more to forget

There's a moral -
The tributes were floral
By the grave where now he lies
Don't sing karaoke
In bars that are smoky
The risk isn't worth the prize!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 06:29 PM

Shut up and sing Dave! :-)

If you want to get really picky about it, I don't know anyone who can burp and sing at the same time. I've burped while singing, and I had to stop singing to do it. Since they're drinking the beer and not inhaling it...well, I guess 15 pints IS inhaling! In any case, I think if your stomach explodes, you're pretty much dead. (Like Áine said, don't believe everything you hear.)

The only time I've tried the helium trick is when I called up an immunizations clinic I supervised, and yelled at them in the chipmunk voice - "hey, what are you guys doin' over there? Took ya long enough ta answer the phone dammit..."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 06:15 PM

Little bottles, little bottles,
little bottles sold in Tike-take's
little bottles, little bottles,
how they help to light the scene.

There's a big one, and a small one,
and they both are filled with hydrogen,
for you breathe out like a blowtorch
and you help to light the scene.

If you've had some, best be careful,
for a hiccup is embarrassing,
and the management don't like it
when the customers catch fire

But it's great fun when you've had some,
for it might as well be gasoline,
and we all sing karaoke,
as the place goes up in flames.

Little bottles, little bottles,
little bottles sold in Tike-take's
little bottles, little bottles,
how they help to light the scene.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 05:52 PM

Hate to be a wet blanket, here, and maybe it's only my own ignorance, but I didn't know hydrogen made the duck-quacking speech effect. I know that helium does. Does hydrogen too?

I can just hear it: "Oh, shut up and sing, Oesterreich!"

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 11:58 AM

Dear Sinsull,

Not to fear -- the next one in the queue is full of 'beastie bliss' . . . now I've got you all wondering, don't I?? (hehehehehe)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 11:39 AM

Aine,

Welcome back. I am beginning to worry about this "Fire" theme running through the Song Challenges. Need to share?

For those who can stand it "Ally McBeal" is supposed to try the fire breathing beer tonight.

SS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 10:08 AM

Forgot to say, I'm glad you're back Áine.

Really enjoyed the songs guys!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 09:52 AM

I applauded the contributions earlier today, but my message went astray . so here it is again. much applause

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 09:43 AM

Gives a whole new meaning to Jerry Lee Lewis' "Great Balls of Fire" doesn't it?......oh yeah...the gas didn't get down that far, did it?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jun 00 - 08:35 AM

Dharma & Kevin -- Wunnerful, wunnerful!! I laughed myself to sleep last night. Thanks so much to both of you for jumping back in the creek with this Challenge!

-- Áine (still giggling...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 11 Jun 00 - 09:22 PM

As I was a drinking in a bar in Japan
to me way hay, we blew the place down,
I lit a cigar, like a bold sailorman,
there was gas in the drink, and we blew the place down
We blew the house down, yes we blew the place down,
to me way hay, we blew the house down,
For it seemed that the drink was a hydrogen bomb,
so give us a drink and we'll blow the place down.

Oh Johhnny Otoma was drinking there too
to me way hay, we blew the place down,
just 15 bottles of hydrogen brew,
a nice little a drink and we blew the place down
We blew the place down, yes we blew the place down,
to me way hay, blow the place down,
For it seemed that the drink was a hydrogen bomb,
so give us a drink and we'll blow the place down.

Like a dragon on heat, Johnny lit up his breath
to me way hay, we blew the place down,
then he swallowed his smoke, nearly roasted to death,
the gas in the drink fairly blew the place down
We blew the place down, yes we blew the place down,
to me way hay, blow the place down,
Yes it seemed that the drink was a hydrogen bomb,
so give us a drink and we'll blow the place down.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Dharmabum
Date: 11 Jun 00 - 08:56 PM

THE HUMAN HYDROGEN BOMB

{sung to the daring young man on the flying trapeze}

Across the deep ocean,

In a place called Japan,

Where they sing karaoke,

And drink beer in a can,

He's a legend about town,

An infamous man,

He's the human hydrogen bomb.

Now don't stand too closely,

When he passes gas,

He's singed off the eyebrows,

Of a Japanese lass,

This next karaoke,

May just be his last,

He's the human hydrogen bomb.

He sings like a munchkin,

And burps like a jet,

Compared to this guy,

Godzilla's all wet,

He just hasn't finished,

Off Tokyo yet,

He's the human hydrogen bomb.

When he's finished drinking,

There's smoke round his head,

He puts out the fire,

And crawls off to bed,

I guess he should drink,

Wild Turkey instead,

He's the human hydrogen bomb.

Now as it so happened,

On one fatefull night,

He was singing off key,

And it caused a big fight,

He swallowed a stogie,

And the gas did ignite,

He's the human hydrogen bomb.

Now he's hired some lawyers,

To sue everyone,

Cause singin & flamin,

Just stopped being fun,

When theres one in the chamber,

And you are the gun,

You're the human hydrogen bomb.

Ron.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 11 Jun 00 - 01:29 PM

Welcom back with the Song Challenge! Life at Mudcat is more jolly again!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: TerriM
Date: 11 Jun 00 - 01:22 PM

You drink sixteen pints
And what do you get
A whole lot of trouble and that's a fact
Take a closer look
You will see
There's no facial hair on a dude like me

sorry :) couldn't resist

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 28
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jun 00 - 01:07 PM

Yes, folks, the SONG CHALLENGE! is back -- Apologies to all of you wonderful Challenger!s from a now-feeling-better Keeper of the Book . . . the door to her 'brown study' has opened and she's back with a vengence!

This Challenge! was sent in by Mudcatter Jeri a while back and should definitely be considered an "urban legend" (as in, don't believe everything you read *BG*). It's a hoot, and I hope you all have a great time with it and we see some great songs -- Go For It, Challenger!s!!!

-- Áine

TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is countersuing for defamation and loss of customers.

The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.

Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice, giving chic Tokyo urbanites the ability to sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer. The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point, even though the beer company has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.

It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere.

"Mr Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximise the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Gojira would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune," said Mr Takashi Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.

Mr. Otoma apparently took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of one customer's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes. When the club's security staff showed up, he turned his attentions to them, giving the head bouncer no choice but to tackle Mr Otoma, knocking his legs from under him. Said the club's manager, "It was his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own fault he swallowed that cigarette . . . The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his oesophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault."

Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment.