Song Challenge! Part 30

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:46 AM

Lost your 'Olympic' spirit? Here's a little story that should help to inspire all of us to 'go for the gold' . . . So, Go For It Challenge!rs!!

Thirty contestants from around the globe recently gathered in London for the second annual round of the Official World Dung Spitting Championships. CNN's Amanda Kibel was there to witness the 'action':

"It might not be the most physically demanding sport in the world, but mentally, it's a real challenge. All you need, say competitors, is a good lung capacity, limber lips, a strong mind and stomach, and a prime pellet of animal dung. The aim of the game is simple: overcome the resistance to placing the dung in your mouth and then, spit it out.

The all-important dung selection is first, and the competition was fierce for pieces of the finest droppings, gathered on a game farm in Africa, yielded by the Kudu, a small deer-like animal. And clearly, not just any old dung will do. A worthy pellet must be firm, not crumbly, and preferably, not too fresh.

As the first training session unfolded, interest from some passersby was high, but controversy dogged this competition from the start. One woman passerby commented, "You're spitting! And there's a rule about spitting in this country. There is, there's a bylaw about spitting."

The games must go on. Competition day dawned, and competitors embarked on the vital warm-ups (gulping large portions of golden ale and dark stout). Mouths well lubricated, they spit their best, but in the end, it's a sudden-death playoff.

The Dungmeister, the reigning champion, the man who, in the past, has spat a mighty ten meters, faces off against an unknown, a rank outsider! A new champion is born, and he pays tribute to his technique: "I use the little pointed end (of the dung) towards the back. That seems to work."

But it takes more than just technique. Dung spitters say that what it's really all about is a simple case of mind over waste matter."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:51 AM

*oh my god. and we thought 'Spaw and Cleigh were bad!*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:52 AM

This is absolutely disgusting! Now if it were only cow chips...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:07 PM

Come on, lads -- The potential for parody is Pythagorean in its perplexity!!! Why do you think it's called a Challenge!?????

Now put your thinking caps on and remember to DUCK!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:12 PM

Is capraphagia the term? And what rhymes with it?

Neuralgia?
My pal Gia?
Maybe this could be told from the deer's point of view?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:26 PM

No, coprophagia involves actual consumption.

Here ya go.

~Susan

PS, NOW do you see how multidimensional a Christian can be????


COPRO-EXPECTORANT BLUES
By Praise


I was back in London, baby, and I was thinkin' of you.
I was back in London, baby, and I was thinkin' of you.
I was broke and all downhearted,
And thinkin' what to do.

Well I heard about a contest, and I wanted first prize.
Yes I heard about a contest, and I wanted first prize.
When I saw just what they wanted, though,
I nearly popped my eyes.

So I got a country rabbit, and I fed him real fine.
Yes I got a country rabbit, and I fed him real fine.
Gotta feed him good and proper,
And serve with just the right wine.

Then I fed him cake and honey, till his droppings smelled sweet.
Yes I fed him cake and honey, darlin', till his droppings smelled real sweet.
'Bout as sweet as your goodbye, babe,
The day you knocked me off my feet.

Well I dried them in the oven, and I called your name.
Oh I dried them in the over, baby, I was cryin' your name.
Tried to put my head in that oven, too,
But saved my anger for the game.

And the day dawned bright and early, and I took my place.
Yes the day dawned bright and early, and I took my place.
Been so mad ever since you left me,
Spat that anger out my face.

Ole Bre'r Rabbit dung went flyin', see this madman spit.
Yes Bre'r Rabbit dung went flyin', see this madman spit.
Specially thinkin' about his true love, darlin',
When she turn his world to shit.

Now I am the new Dungmeister, but honey I don't know.
Yes I am the new Dungmeister, but honey I don't know.
You know I was only spittin' on your sorry ass baby,
Rememberin' watchin' you go.

I won't defend my title when it comes due next year.
No I won't defend my title when it comes due next year.
Cuz by then I'll have a new song,
And you can stick it in your ear.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:30 PM

Oh my dearest versatile Praise -- ROTFLMAO!!! It's gonna take me a while to recover from this one -- oh, oh, oh...

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:49 PM

*grin*

Come on guys! If I can, you can!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:56 PM

Speechless, Praise...

And laughing.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:31 PM

Interesting how much information there is about this on the web. The formal term is evidently koedoebokdrolverspoeg, but informally the sport is known as koedoedrolspoeg. I am assuming a pronunctiation of co-doe-droll-spo, and the tune is "Down in the Valley"

DUNG IN THE BUSHVELD

Down on the bushveld, what is that smell?
Pellets are flying, or so they tell.
Pellets of dung, dear, spit high or low
And they will call it, koedoedrolspoeg!

chorus:
Koedoedrolspoeg, Dear, koedoedrolspoeg!
Pellets are flying, koedoebokdrolverspoe!
Spit out the dung, dear, spit out the dung
run up to the sleeper*, and spit out the dung

The kudu has horns dear, that grow in a twist
But that's not the end, dear, that gives you to spit
The kudu eats mopane, acacia and grass
And your ammunition, falls out of it's ass

chorus

You choose just the right one, and soak it in beer
Or mampoer or witblitz, or liqour that's clear
Put back a few glasses, to get up your nerve
then pop in the pellet, and spit out with verve

chorus:
A good shot's nine meters, The best is fourteen
Now why is the audience, all turning green?
Try not to inhale,dear, it's really bad style
but you'll get the hang of it, after a while

chorus

* A railroad tie, or "sleeper" is used to mark the firing line

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:43 PM

Now this is just not FAIR! How can I be expected to finish my entry, when I can't stop laughing long enough to get up off the floor?!?!?

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:52 PM

ROFTLMAO!!!! MMario and Praise, good bloody jobs you two. This topic reminds me of a certain little known (and longlost) verse Woody Guthrie wrote in his first draft of his Hard Traveling.

I've been doing some dung spittin
I thought you knowed
I've been doing some dung spittin
Way down the road
Gettin drunk to stand the taste
Of that dried animal waste
I've been doin some dung spittin, Lord

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:59 PM

Ain't we all wonderful. This is exactly how I envisioned my life in music.

No shit.

~S~

:~)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:14 PM

cheat to win! cheat to win! CHEAT TO WIN! CHEAT TO WIN!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:23 PM

I'm gonna get me some poo tomorrow
Poo tomorrow, poo tommorow
I'm gonna get me some poo tomorrow
So I can spit it a long long way

I'm gonna spit some poo, poo, poo
And you can spit some too, too, too
But I'm gonna beat you, you, you
I'm gonna spit some poo, poo, poo

Drink me a pitcher of dark brown lager
Golden ale, stout, and some dark brown lager
So I can be a competition hogger
And I will win the day

Got my dung fresh from an African Kudu
A little bitty deer called an African Kudu
He makes the best first-rate Gold-medal doodoo
So I can win the day

Gotta be a round, firm, perfect little pellet
A not-to-crumbly perfect little pellet
And matured by times so you can REALLY smell it
So I can win the day

Lady on the sidewalk won't stop dinnin'
"Spitting is illegal" she just keeps dinnin'
She's got it right up there with mortal sinnin'
But I don't care what they say

I spit my dung farther than any other player
I got more distance than any other player
I spit 'em so far that they haven't got a prayer
I'm gonna win the day

Now I'm the final with the big Dungmeister
The record-breaking reigning champ big Dungmeister
But I shut his ass down like a big city scheister
And I have won the day!!

Now that I've won, I'm so happ-happ-happy
I'm the world champ, and I'm happ-happ-happy
Wish my breath didn't taste so crap-crap-crappy
But I have won the day!!

Yes, I spat some poo, poo, poo
And you spat some too, too, too
But I went and beat you, you, you
I really spat some poo
Poo
Poo

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:31 PM

That's right! Let's keep Áine laughing so hard she can't stand up, let alone finish her entry.

Mbo - fantastic!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:43 PM

Y'all are all a bunch of little basties today, ain't ya? Cheaters! I'm dying here . . . y'all are killing me . . . I can't breathe!!

Help! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:47 PM

Don't worry, we'll ask 'spaw to send Cleigh over to give you mouth to ....uhmm...let me rephrase that...give you first aid in breathing...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:51 PM

GRATUITOUS PRAISE, THREAD CREEP

WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN AINE

What a friend we have in Aine,
All our Mudcat songs to share.
She invites us to the Challenge,
We respond, so quick to share.
All the music in our pea-brains
Tumbles out at her command...
When I see her next weird topic,
No doubt I'll say, "I'll be damned!"

HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SLINGING?

The songs roll on, in endless stream,
Amid the threads of Mudcat.
The Songbook's Keeper once again
With Challenges to have-at.
A strange vocation she does have
To find the News We Can Use
On which she feeds we Cats in Mud--
How can I keep from slinging?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:52 PM

PLIP!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:53 PM

Mbo!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:58 PM

*STANDING OVATION

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:59 PM

Ok, ok, ok . . . after crawling to the bathroom to change me knickers, I managed to scrawl this on the library floor. I'm not sure whether Lennon/McCartney wrote the tune, or whether they ripped it off from Rogers/Hammerstein, but here ya go (ya bunch of buggahs!):

Would You Promise Not To Chew?
(Tune: If I Fell In Love With You)

(Intro)
If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise not to chew,
In contests "dung-kudu"?
When I knew that you were "it",
Was when I saw how far you spit,
Oh, the marks that you could hit!

When I fell in love with you,
I have to say,
Was when you rose to spit Kudu,
On a bright sunny day,
And oh!
As you puckered up to blow,
I knew
That I had to have your dung,
And you!

The gentle breeze that blew your hair,
And your fair share,
Of brown pellets through the square,
From here to there,
Was so,
Oh so sweet as each one left
Your cheek,
Though I had to hold my nose,
From the reek.

As the contest it wound down,
To mounds on the ground,
I tried hard to catch your eye,
Let you know I'd found
My love,
But I could not stand to go,
You know,
For I was stuck from head to toe,
In offal doe.

As I watched you walk away,
With the grand prize,
I knew I'd never fill the cup,
Come up to size,
For you,
Were a champion of poo,
And I,
Just could never measure up to
Kudu doo,
If I fell in love with you.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:05 PM

HA HA HA! Yicky yicky yicky!!! If Dungmeister became President...."I spat, but I never swallowed."

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:08 PM

Now Áine, koedoebokdrolverspoeg-ologists should be clamoring at your door any minute with recording contracts, so make sure your knickers are dry and for heaven's sake stop rolling around on the floor.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:08 PM

She's good. She's very, very good. I think she does it by just not reading our posts at all till hers is done. Or else she writes them before even issuing the challenge.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:16 PM

Good job, Mbo and Aine!!! ROFL!!

Here's my entry, and may the ghost of Woody Guthrie haunt me for what I have done....

Dungmeister
(Tune: Deportees)

The judges are all here and the shitballs aflyin
The folks are all watchin the turds to go splat
They're spitting them as far as they're able
To see who will become the champion

Chorus:
Oh look at that one, there goes another
Johnny can spit farther than that Heather
You won't have a name if you win the tournament
All they will call you will be dungmeister

My father's own father, he spat in the contest
He never did lose a game in his whole life
It was ten bloody meters across the English topsoil
They all watched in it fly in amazement and awe

Chorus:

Some say it's illegal, to others it's madness
To put that crap into your rotten mouth
And to spit it out in the public places
This kind of thing will just have to stop

Chorus:

The shitball was flyin over the London park soil
The great ball of turd it turned brown our land
Who was that dear man that won the competition?
The newspaper said, "the Dungmeister"

Is this the best way to fertilise the parklands?
Is this the best way we can get all our kicks?
To spit animal dung all across the topsoil
And be known by no names except "dungmeister"

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:24 PM

Dear Mbo - I may have to think of a brand new Cow Chip Award for 'greatest lines' -- your "Wish my breath didn't taste so crap-crap-crappy" is a Challenge! Classic!!!

And Praise - thanks for the 'Odes to Áine', that was sweet . . . I think it's 'high' time to get the waders out . . .

Amergin -- Like I've said before, you are one of the Greats in Challenge! land . . . but I would sleep with a night-light from now on -- you might be having visitors from beyond after that (wonderful) little ditty...

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:26 PM

Aine, I already do sleep with a nightlight on....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:35 PM

*********** SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!! *************

Dear Challenge!rs -- A little bert, er, bird, has informed me that if one of us sends one of these wonderful Challenge! entries in a format playable on the Mudcat Radio Show to him, that this thread will be named THE THREAD OF THE WEEK on tomorrow's show!!!

Come on now, me darlin's, this is your chance for "fame beyond all price" -- So, who's it gonna be???? Mbo -- Praise -- Amergin -- MMario????

Don't Be A Doo-Doo Head -- Send In Your Entry Today!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:43 PM

Aine, I would if I could play and knew how to format it in realaudio or whatnot.....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:45 PM

won't bert be surprised when he gets 292 megs of wav files in his mailbox....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:49 PM

I'LL DO IT! He'll have it tomorrow morning!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:52 PM

Yay Mbo!!!!!!

Hey-- Can you do all of our songs!!!!??? Mine is just any old blues thing....

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:56 PM

I knew that Mbo-baby would step up to plate!! Yeah! I can't think of a better representative. I'm going to try doing mine acapella this evening . . . maybe I can get Dear Hubby to do a really schmaltzy organ bit for break . . . ah, the possibilities are just astounding!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:35 PM

Ain't it amazing how fast we can come up with songs about shit?

A SHITTY POEM by WHOFLUNGPOO aka Dharmabum

You've heard about the goodwill games,

Where every one's a sport,

Well grab a glass & park your ass,

Cause this story ain't too short.

There is a game that's gaining fame,

It's running rampant through the nation,

Where you stand & spit little balls of shit,

It's called Projectile Defication.

Now the games are held in Londontown,

Where spitting loogies is illegal,

But on this one day it is OK,

For the spitting of the fecal.

30 men all gathered round,

They were men all stout & hearty,

As the sun rose high into the sky,

The air smelled kind of farty.

First up was a scottish lad,

20 feet he shot his dung,

He smiled north & south as he wiped his mouth,

And said "it pays to have a pipers lung".

Next up was an Irishman,

Like a batter to the plate,

The poo flew like a B 52,

He said "now I've gotcha mate".

Then walked up an asian lad,

From Japan I heard them say,

To represent his homeland,

On that sunny London day.

Without a word he spit that turd,

That dung it went a flyin,

It sailed for nearly 30 feet,

I swear that I ain't lyin.

He rinsed his mouth with a can of ale,

Said "Osaka is the name"

Then he spit to clear the shit,

& out came a bright blue flame.

Competition went all afternoon,

Each one still farther more,

Until up walked a scawny lad,

Who came from a distant shore.

Said"I'm here today from the USA",

"To take the crown back home",

"But I don't spit little balls of shit",

"You see I've brought my own".

With that he reached into his bag,

& Prepared for the next round,

In a word it was an elephant turd,

& It weighed about a pound.

He slowly walked up to the line,

This day he beamed with pride,

The other men took one step back,

The women & children ran to hide.

He stood there with his eyes closed shut,

He was deep in contemplation,

"If only I can pull this off",

"I'll be the hero of my nation".

He took one last deep cleansing breath,

& Let go with a smile,

It shot out with a rockets force,

And flew more than a mile.

The crowd it cheered it whooped it yelled,

He was the victor for his nation,

They said you are the one to wear,

The crown of defication.

Now when he came to Londontown,

He felt just like a zero,

But now he's on his way back home,

To wear the crown of a great hero.

Now It's absurd to think an elephant turd,

Could fly more than a mile,

And if you ask him how it's done,

He'll just look at you & smile.

And say "It's no big secret",

"It's all mind over matter",

"You see,If you don't mind the taste"

"It really doesn't matter".

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:40 PM

Oh THAT'S what it is about those USA'ers! What a mouth he must have had on him!

And rhyming illegal and fecal!!!!

Too good!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:45 PM

Whooohaaa DB!!!! I'm picturing a kind of tense, Johnny Cash-like narration for the music, with a key change at every new verse...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:01 PM

Dang it! And after I'd cleaned up (and down) and gotten up off the floor! Ron, that's a Grand Prize Two-Fer Blazing Cow Chipper if there ever was one -- YOU DA MAN! Now, did you have a tune in mind for that one?

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:05 PM

Aw shucks guys, Thanx.

Hey Meebo, ya think Jonny'll do it?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:06 PM

DO it Ron? Hell, he'll prolly PAY ya for it! Or ask you to join his band!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:07 PM

Sure, just include the work "black" in the song, and he'll eat it up faster than a baby chicken! (Corny Johnny Cash joke)

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:14 PM

Wrote it as more of a recitation Aine, but I'm open for suggestions.

Praise, you'd be amazed at how few words rhyme with fecal.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:43 PM

Dharmabum, I got something rolling around in my head, keep thinking Big Bad John, but am not sure if that's what I'm thinking of...But it is something along those lines...

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:49 PM

Reminds me of "The Ben Crawley Steel Company" by The Move.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:39 PM

Those are better than anything I've come up with guys. I hate to admit it but the only tune I've come up with is the song for the slinky commercial.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:35 AM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:49 AM

Hey! Who said the Challenge! was over?? If we're gonna be the Thread of the Week, let's don't be the "Dead" Thread of the Week, OK? Keep writing, Challenge!rs!!

And to put my Kudu where my mouth is (yuk!), here's another little romantic ditty for you all:

A Summer Song
(Tune: A Summer Song by Chad & Jeremy)

Turds flyin' in the summer breeze,
Snappin' off the silver leafs,
As they whiz by.

Soft spongy dung on summer days,
Spittin' all our cares away,
Just you and I.

Sweet tangy smells of summer nights,
Remembering long distance flights,
In the noon day sky.

Chorus:
They say that all good things come out one end,
All great turds must fall,
But don't you know that it hurts me so,
To breathe but not to spit,
Wish I didn't have to taste,
These wads of shit.

But when the rain
Washes the chunks down the drain,
I'll think of summer days again,
And dream of you.

Second Chorus:
Although I tried so hard to be the best,
A great new Dungmeister,
I breathed in, not out, and lost the bout,
And then I turned bright blue,
I could hardly breathe to talk,
Much less to shout!

But when the rain
Washes the chunks down the drain,
I'll think of summer days again,
And dream of you,
And dream of you.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:52 AM

HA HA HA AH HA!! I LOVE Summer Song AND C&J--this is a riot!!! Woohaa!

--Mbo (who is about to record his song for MCR tonight)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 09:01 AM

Glad you like it, Mbo. I wrote that this morning at about 2:00 a.m., right after I finished sending my little ditty off to Bert. At least, I thought I sent it to Bert . . . Mmmmmm, maybe I better check that out . . . Can you imagine the shock of getting one of these little goodies in your email when you weren't expecting it??? (hehehehehe)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:04 AM

SOMEBODY owes me for my having to clean coffee off my keyboard and screen!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:20 AM

It has been sent!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:22 AM

I didn't get mine done. sorry. But I DID practice it...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:32 AM

Well done, Mbo!! And MMario, that's OK, there's always next week . . . oh, and here's a little bit of T.P. to wipe that mess off your P.C. (hehehehe).

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:48 AM

SPITTIN LITTLE TURDBALLS

{sung to Proud Mary}

Left a good job in the city,

Workin for a livin ain't my cupa tea,

Got a new vocation,

It's causin alienation,

Spittin little turdballs is the job for me,

It's makin me all giddy,

My breath's smellin kinda shitty,

Spittin, Spittin,

Spittin little turdballs.

So I booked a flight to London,

Flyin 16 hours on that big ol plane,

Gonna join the competition,

I'm hopin & I'm wishin,

That spittin Kudu droppins is my claim to fame,

Don't matter how you do it,

As long as you don't chew it,

Spittin, Spittin,

Spittin little turdballs.

{ Ya think we could get Tina Turner to do the video?}

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:54 AM

Hey MMario -- give me back that T.P., Ron just got me good!! ROTFLMAO (yet again)!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:13 AM

You people are UNSTOPPABLE!! (no pun intended!!) This DESERVES to be Thread of The Week!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:32 AM

I do believe that somebody hit me up side the head with a silly brick while I was asleep . . .

Dung On Me
(Tune: Down On Me by Janis Joplin)

Chorus:
Dung on me,
Dung on me,
Looks like ev'rybody in this whole round world
Blows dung on me!

A good turd in this world is so hard to find,
You fight for yours, and I'll fight for mine,
That's why it looks like ev'rybody in this whole round world
Blows dung on me.

Chorus

When you see a chunk that's held out t'ward you,
Give it some love, some day it may be you,
That's who it looks like -- ev'rybody in this whole round world
Blows dung on me.

Chorus

Believe in your blower, have faith in dung,
All of us shit spitters jus' can't be wrong,
Because it looks like ev'rybody in this whole round world
Blows dung on me.

Dung on me,
Dung on me,
Looks like ev'rybody in this whole round world
Blows dung on me!
Sayin' Dung On Me!
Dung on me,
Looks like ev'rybody in this whole round world
Blows dung on me!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Bradypus
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:33 PM

How wrong can you be?

I saw this challenge yesterday, and thought 'No way! We might get a couple of takers, but this is way too hard'

I didn't get a chance to write anything last night.

I look in today, and find 58 postings, a whole lot of excellent songs, and a 'thread of the week' into the bargain.

And I'm left feeling 'how do you follow that ?'

Anyway, I tried. Tune is 'Ae May Morning'

Spitting Image

As I went out one June morning
A June morning it chanc'd to be
I strolled across the African Veldt
And a good old mate I had with me

My friend, he knew the country well
He knew their customs, knew their fun
He knew well what was taking place
When he saw a crowd gathered in the sun

Said he, "I'll show you an old charm
It's magic strong, as you will see."
He stooped, and from the savannah grass
A dark brown pellet he gave to me

"Now take this pellet in your mouth.
I bid you neither chew nor suck
And come and stand beside the crowd
I'll show how this can bring you luck"

So with the crowd we went and stood
A line was drawn in the sand
"Don't bite or swallow, just stand here"
So at the line I took my stand

"For this charm to work you must breathe deep
So breathe in deep and fill your lung"
I breathed in deep and held my breath.
"The charm is this: The pellet's dung!"

The pellet's dung! I spat it out
I spat it far, I spat it high
My stomach retched, my face turned puce
A cheer ran out beneath the sky

"The charm worked well. We've won the prize
Who spits the furthest gains reward"
I glared at him. My mouth felt foul
But still I uttered not a word

A local policeman then approached
With dung-stained mark between his eyes
I'd hit him square, I'd hit him well
I think it took him by surprise

"Now spitting is against the law
You're nicked, my friend, for what you've done"
The crowd yelled "No! Oh, let him go
Such petty laws will spoil our fun!"

My friend appeased the policeman well
And so we headed home, both free
My friend was laughing, I was mad
To think the fool he'd made of me

So as we passed a farmstead there
With midden deep and strong and full
I gave a nudge, my friend fell in
And now my friend is full of bull.

And as he lay in perfume rare
"Don't bite or swallow, chew or suck
I'll pull you out, just give me time
And promise not to feed me muck!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:41 PM

When I'm gobbing Poo, oo oo oo, oo oo oo oooooo
I'll be gobbing too, oo oo oo, oo oo oo oooooo

Sorry. I'm going to bed now, I need a lie down after all that laughing....

Wonder if they got the idea from watching 'Due South' - that mountie sure puts a lot of poop in HIS scoop....

LTS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:54 PM

I was wondering where you were, dear Bradypus!!

Liz and Bradypus, thank you so much for your excellent additions to the "Kudu Poo Power" movement -- wunnerful, just wunnerful!

-- Áine (the Poo Mistress??)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:27 PM

Poo Queen!

A queen among royalty!

We can doo doo anything!!!

Mmazrio-- "... I can spew anything you can spew quicker..."

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:23 PM

Does this mean that Aine's the Toilet Queen? I can actually picture Edmund Spenser writing a poem about her...

A Gentle Knight was sitting on the plaine, Y cladd in mightie armes and ceramic shielde, Wherein old spots of ld contests did remaine, The cruell markes of many' a shitty fielde; Yet turds till that time did he neuer wield: His angry frown did chide his foming spit, As much disdayning to the curbe to yield: Full iolly knight he seemd, and faire did sitt, As one for knightly gusts and fierce Kudu fitt.

Or at least something like that.....

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:33 PM

Ladies,

If I didn't have such a horrible toothache, I really would be ROTFLMAO!! But at the moment, it just hurts to much...

-- Áine (The Now Piteous Poo Mistress, who hopefully will gaffaw on the morrow)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Hyperabid
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 05:21 AM

Hello

Anyone remember 'ittle ole me?

Back on the web after much indiustrious hard work starting up a new business for my already fabulously rich employer in the hope he will chuck me a few cruimbs from his table...

Ahhh... the good ole Mudcat daze... Halcyon memories of times gone by...

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 05:44 AM

And you are?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 08:31 AM

Phew! Good to see you back, Hyp! I been missin' your 70's parodies...and ye gonna write us a song for this Challenge? I'll be waiting for it!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 09:17 AM

Hyp, Hyp, HOORAY!!!!! I'm as happy as a little girl . . . Why, I'm Hyppy Happy*** Welcome back darlin', and could you grace us with your best Kudu poo song? Please???

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Naemanson
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 11:31 AM

Hi All,

Can I join in the fun? Here is a true story...

Now listen you sailors unto my sad ditty, Of what happened to Jack in old London City, And when I am done you all will agree, No worse thing could happen to you or to me.

We sailed from Capetown with a cargo so rare, This cargo to none that you've known can compare, We loaded it all into Hold Number Two, Such a stink you'd not find in any of the crew.

When we arrived all the people did cheer, To see all the fuss you'd think it quite queer, The cargo unloaded they all stood and stared, And all held their noses and gulped for fresh air.

Now the wagons were loaded and headed to town, I followed behind to know where they were bound, And when we arrived I thought it so fine, The pub treated the men to free stout, ale, and wine.

"Free drinks!" says I, "now what could this be," Such a cargo as this I just had to see, They opened the crate with a great hue and cry, I held my breath as I watched for to spy.

But all I could see from where I did sit, The crate was all full of a great pile of shit. What the hell is this, I said and I laughed, Then the publican gave a beer which I quaffed.

And when I had drunk it they gave me a spoon, They said I had to pay the piper for his tune, If I drank the free beer I had to compete, And they lined me up with the others on the street.

Then one by one the others came too, With spoons and free beers a right jolly crew, We all drank together, not a drop did we spill, Then stepped to the pile our spoons we did fill.

Then I watched in horror as they each took a bite With mouths full of shit, they were a ghastly sight. Then they all looked at me and I knew what I must do, I opened my mouth and filled it with poo.

Then I gagged and I choked, and I reeled and I spun, I saw all the others laugh at the fun. I made a great surge and out I did spit. That mouthful of vile disgusting old shit.

It flew thirty feet and a little bit more, The crowd around me ranted and roared. They gave me more beer and I drank it down, And I rode on their shoulders around and around.

So now I'm the dungmeister and I rule the street, I'm treated with kindness by all that I meet, I'm the king of shit spitters wherevver I go, I'm only out done by all politicoes.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 11:47 AM

*applause* Well done! Any particular tune in mind? And welcome to the Song Challenges. The basic rules are:

1) anyone can play

2) a challenge is never over

Send SASE and $765.43 to MudCat Cafe for the complete rules.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 11:48 AM

Dear Naemanson,

That's GREAT!!! And what a wonderful and auspicious way for you to begin your brand new career as a Mudcat Song Challenge!r!! Welcome to the gang, and I hope we'll be seeing a lot more from you in the future.

Now, do you have a title and a tune for your fantastic true poo story? And don't forget to check back soon for the "awards" ceremony!

-- Áine (laughing maniacally as another one bites the poo!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 11:51 AM

Hmmmm..... I must need to go see the doctor.... I keep seeing the Vaclaw Raccoon character producing the droppings for the contest.... I can't quite wrap my mind around it to get a song started.... the time curtain is torn.... all the past song challenges blending, trying to make a single song..... Mmario, Mmario, jump in after me, I'm going dowwwwwnnnnnnnn...........

Oh!

There is the song now! So simple! Tres elegant!

Heh heh heh.... think I'll keep it to myself!

PLIP! (Waking) Whew!!! Wotta weird dream! I can still hear the strange instruments fading out.... aw crap, it's just my pager going off!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 11:58 AM

Vlaclaw Raccoon producing droppings to be spit out in protection by The headless chicken against the Moose attack?

BTW - just who was that mysterious "anonymous poo-singer" last night on MudCat Radio, hmmmmmmmmm?

And Mbo - yours sounded really great!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Naemanson
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 11:59 AM

Thanks for the compliments.

I can probably come up with a tune but have no idea how to get it to you.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Naemanson
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:02 PM

And, Mmario, my check is "virtually" in the mail.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:05 PM

I tell you Mario, it was Aine! Don't you think I can tell her voice? Also, it WAS her song, after all!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:15 PM

I will deny to my dying day that the Anonymous Poo Singer was me -- What the heck would I be doing in a bathroom with the Beatles?? It was just kismet, fate, serendipity (doo) that I happened to come up a song for this Challenge! that was so close to that found by an Anonymous Mudcatter on the "Lost Beatles' Bathroom Audition Tapes". Wow, small world, huh?

-- Áine (who's thinking that Praise got into my toothache medicine last night . . .)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:21 PM

Naemason - tunes get interesting. I usually try to use an old one with new lyrics. then I can just say "To the tune of: (BTW - yours seems to fit "Quare Bungle rye")

If you "do" ABC you can just post in the thread. If you "do" midi, then you can e-mail the midi file to Alan's midi site and/or use miditxt to post to the thread. If you are a pc/windows machine you can join a HearMe session and sing/play it to audience.

If you actually understand dots (unlike myself) and can put them onto paper then can scan the image and e-mail it; or you can put it into about umpty dozen programs (My favorite is NoteWorthy Composer) most of which will then produce either ABC files or Midi files (see above)

Or you could phone during the radio show and sing it live on webcast, or you could record it as a sound file and send it into the MC radio.....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:27 PM

Well, you said you had to keep running back and forth to the loo to change yer undies, you must have ran into them while you where in there!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:30 PM

MMario -- BREATHE, MAN, BREATHE!! Thanks so much for all the "tune" advice! I've been thinking about getting Noteworthy; so, if I do, can I ask you questions when I screw up (which is inevitable in PC land, isn't it)?

Mbo - Your song was FANTASTIC last night -- I think you've got a hit on your hands! And thank goodness that wasn't me singing that song from "Anonymous" -- it appeared that no one (in the studio, at least) got the joke. I've never seen more looks of shock and/or disgust. Oh well, you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, don't ya know. I have a feeling that he/she won't be sending any more songs to the Mudcat Radio.

Keep playing, singing, and writing great songs everybody, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:42 PM

Áine - NoteWorthy is pretty dang easy. Thirty day free trial when you download and it's the complete program, not crippled in any way I know of, except that it marks your files as being from an unregistered version.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:52 PM

Well, here goes another one:

The Shit Spitting Game
(Tune: Patriot Game)

Come all ye young spitters, and list while I sing,
For the love of animal dung is a terrible thing.
It banishes women with the speed of a flame,
And it makes us all part of the shit spitting game.

My name it is Irvan, and I've just gone sixteen.
My home is in Texas, and where I was weaned
I learned all my life the kudu's to blame,
So now I am part of the shit spitting game.

This contest of ours has too long been half free.
The title lies under Dungmeister's tyranny.
So I gave up my boyhood to drill and to train
To play my own part in the shit spitting game.

They told me how Old Aine spat from her chair,
Her mouth from the spitting was stinking with care.
Her old body twisted, ahanging with shame
They soon made me part of the shit spitting game.

It's nearly two years since I wandered away
To represent my country, the good old USA,
For I read of our heroes, and wanted the same
To play out my part in the shit spitting game.

And now as I stand here, I watch the turd fly
It went only two meters, I wanted to die
And I wish that big mouth had given the same
To the bastard who won all the shit spitting games.

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 01:23 PM

And another powerful poo song!! For the love of animal dung is a terrible thing -- Amergin, you've hit me right on the nose (as it were)!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 02:07 PM

Sure wush good midichun Anine....

Nope, just too much humidity here for too long, brain all soggy....

Wring me, baby, wring me dry,
Don't even tell me the reason why
Just wring me, honey, like you mean it now,
I don'pt care when, I don't care how
Just wring me,
Wring me till the cows come home.


WHAT was THAT????

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: GUEST,dharmabum
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 03:52 PM

AINE MAKE IT STOP I'M GETTIN DIZZY!!!!!!!

I'm not sure I should be proud of this but here's another one.

{sung to The Battle of New Orleans}

A Dungmeisters Lament.

In the year 2000,

I took a Kudu shit,

I popped it in my mouth & then,

I commenced to spit,

It really doesn't matter,

The kind of turd you picked,

Cause once you get it past your nose,

You've really got it licked.

{chorus}

We'll all spit turds ,

like it's goin outta style,

The heap is gettin smaller than it was awhile ago,

We'll all spit turds,

& Then make another pile,

You can suckem you can chewem but don'tcha dare swallow.

Now my wife said "Darlin,

"You gotta stop this dear"

"I can't sleep in the bed with you",

"You're stinkin up the air"

"I'm packin up the suitcase",

" And the kids are goin too",

"You're a dung spittin daddy",

"And we're all ashamed of you".

{chorus}

So the wife took off,

With her mother she's a bummin,

She ain't around as much as she was awhile ago,

She took the kids,

& They all began a runnin,

Because of little turdies that their dear ol daddy blow.

Now we tried spittin moose,

& We tried spittin raccoon,

& We tried the elk from the wild wild west,

The white tailed deer,

From the suburbs of New Jersey,

But the Kudu from the jungle,

Is the one we like the best.

Now I'm feelin kinda low,

And I'm feelin all forlorn,

Cause I find myself alone,

When I wake up in the morn,

I was gonna find a rock,

That I could crawl beneath,

But I just met a girl,

With shit stains on her teeth.

{ Don'tcha just love a happy ending?}

Ron.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 04:01 PM

I'm VERY glad I put the coffee down before reading this one! Terrific!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 01:08 AM

ROTFLMAO!! Good job, Dharmabum!!

Shameful to let this one drop to the end of the page.

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 02:13 AM

Oh ye Gods, will the material never end?

Can I stop now please??! My neighbours think I have a flock of bats in here.....

LTS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 02:19 AM

Oh come on this topic has boundless possibilities...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: zonahobo
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 03:44 AM

All I can say is you.... asked for it!! After four false starts (I guess you could say I was tunestipated) .. I came up this which I picture it being sung accompanied by a stick dulcimer .. sung by?

DUNG SPITTEN

So what do ye think of our Brit dung spitten
Sitten and spitten whats fit for shitten
Making up rules like it might be fitten
To give out medals for distance hitten

It's time to compete so I must be getten
I like to warm up by chicken butt licken
Drinken warm ale til my heart quits ticken
Then I'm finally fit for Brit dung spitten

(Joe Offer .. I would not recommend this song for your Church kids)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 09:43 AM

Dear Ron and zonahobo -- Tee-hee-hee, gaffaw, gaffaw, bellowing in pain from the laughter!!!!! Thanks, those are wunnerful additions to the Kudu doo pile!

Liz -- Just what are you doing in your belfry these days????

OK -- I know that each of you wunnerful Challenge!rs could go on for weeks with this subject; however, I've got another great idea from MMario waiting in the wings which is just as good . . . so, what's say we have the "Awards" ceremony this afternoon (Mudcat time)? That will leave you guys a few hours of "crash-songwriting", just in case you still have something "to get out" of you . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Naemanson
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 10:19 AM

Golly Áine, I hope it all comes out OK in the end!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 01:10 PM

Hey Aine,Are you going to give the winner a crown of defication? ........... Wait a minute that would make the winner a shit head! Strike that last suggestion.

Ron.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 03:52 PM

Alrightey -- Read 'em and weep, Challenge!rs -- Congrats, cudos and a held nose to all of you who threw one into the pile this time . . . here's hoping that you saved some for the next Challenge!!! And may I be the first to say that you ALL deserved every Cow Chip that you've been awarded. *BG*

Thanks for the laffs, Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
A Dungmeister's Lament by Dharmabum
A Sad Dung Ditty by Naemanson
Dung In The Bushveld by MMario
Dung Spitten by zonahobo
Dungmeister by Amergin
Hard Spittin' by Amergin
I'm Gonna Spit Some Poo by Mbo
The Shit Spitting Game by Amergin
Spittin' Little Turdballs by Dharmabum
Spitting Image by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
Copro-Expectorant Blues by Praise

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon:
A Shitty Poem by Whoflungpoo (aka Dharmabum)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Hyperabid
Date: 05 Jul 00 - 05:59 AM

Well mes amis, sorry for disappering for yet another few days but work is frankly taking up all my time. Plus selling a house - moving in with ma cherie and generally getting on with life...

A quickie...

To the tune of "(Doobeedoo) I wanna be like you" from the jungle book... (The Disney Movie ...)

Verse

Well I'm the king of sh*t slingers oh!
The dung-boy VIP
I've reached the top by just throwing slop
And that's what bothering me

I wanna go to the olympics
Win a medal made of gold
Tried to bribe the committee, but they're being shitty
And they just will not be told

(Response part in brackets)

Doobeedo ( Oo - bee - Do!)
I wanna throw some poo - oo - oo! (Smelly poo in dee air)
I'll beat your javelin and get your shot put in
But do you care? (There's a smell in the air)

You see it's true - oo - oo (so true!)
You don't like poo - oo - oo (You're poo!)
But can't you see -ee- ee it's better than lobbing pee - ee - ee (yeah!)

I'm sure the rest of you can happily continue in thsi vein...

I'm sure Mowgli wouldn't approve!

Regards

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jul 00 - 08:59 AM

Somehow I suspect that the banderlog would appreciate this song, even if Kipling wouldn't! Well done!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 05 Jul 00 - 09:06 AM

Glad, as always, to throw one of your creations on the pile, dear Hyp. Your entry has been awarded The Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon!

Don't stay away so long, we miss you -- besides, you can't let Dharmabum get all the good ones, can you??

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 03:41 PM

(S)HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

Well you're a real Dungmeister with a long winning streak
Competing in a sport where you act like a freak
Well you're pretty good and I can see how you do it
Put the dung in your mouth and try not to chew it

But don't you
Hit me with your best shot (Oh don't you)
Hit me with your best shot (cause if you)
Hit me with your best shot I'll go away

You use turds from a kudu, but it in your mouth
Lubricate your gullet with Guiness Stout
Reel way back and spit so hard
you expectorate that feces more than thirty yards

But don't you
Hit me with your best shot (Oh don't you)
Spit me with your best clot (cause if you)
Shit me in the best spot ... I'll go away

You were a real dungmeister with a long history
In winning this here contest of insanity
But if I put a turd in my lipstick place
You better show the prize money to my face

Or I'll
Hit you with my best shot (Oh yeah)
Spit you with my best clot (You bet I'll)
Shit you in the rest spot .... I'll fire away

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 03 Sep 01 - 08:21 AM

To the tune of "The Little Beggarman"

A LESSON FROM THE MASTER
I am the best in all the world at spitting out the dung
Great honour on my place of birth my spitting feats have brung
But now, alas, my powers have waned and I must forsake my crown
But before I do, I've promised to write some instructions down
So kindly pay attention to my words of good advice
I'd hate to see them wasted and I shall not print them twice
So be prepared, dear listener, to take my words to heart
To learn first-hand the secrets of a master of his art

The first concerns the working of the lips and teeth and tongue
Technique is all important when it comes to spitting dung
Slackness is anathema, keep your muscles firm and tight
Until the final moment when the pellet's given flight
Cheeks filled to capacity, the pressure it will build
Until the moment comes when you release the little pill
And watch with satisfaction as you spit a personal best
Your technique's not been found wanting when subjected to the test

Selecting dung, dear student, is a skill not many know
There's a range of choice, from the humble mouse to the mighty buffalo
The rat, the cat, the weasel, the skunk and the raccoon
(The latter highly favoured by we friends of the spittoon)
The rabbit's ball-shaped dung, I fear, is much too small and dry
Likewise that of the mountain sheep, the goat and the aye-aye
I've tried them all, and the best I've found, I'll pass it on to you
Is the dung of that wee antelope, the African kudu

You've listened to my coaching, I hope you feel the urge
To spit a bit of animal shit, I hope you have the cour'ge
So step on up and take your place in a contest while you can
This noble sport is open to every woman, child and man
You'll learn about trajectory, velocity and aim
And if you practice hard enough, you'll soon find that your game
Escalates by leaps and bounds, until – you mark my words –
You'll be sending out a challenge to the champion of the world

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 01 - 11:24 AM

Derry, you're hitting new heights!! Applause and amazement!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 03 Sep 01 - 11:34 AM

Amos ...

Go raibh míle ...