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'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.

Rick Fielding 27 Jun 00 - 05:24 PM
SINSULL 27 Jun 00 - 05:29 PM
wysiwyg 27 Jun 00 - 05:34 PM
Rick Fielding 27 Jun 00 - 06:09 PM
Mbo 27 Jun 00 - 06:15 PM
wysiwyg 27 Jun 00 - 06:20 PM
Margo 27 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM
Áine 27 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 27 Jun 00 - 07:33 PM
kendall 27 Jun 00 - 07:36 PM
Mbo 27 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM
Micca 27 Jun 00 - 07:47 PM
bbelle 27 Jun 00 - 09:11 PM
Rick Fielding 27 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 27 Jun 00 - 10:34 PM
JenEllen 27 Jun 00 - 10:41 PM
bbelle 27 Jun 00 - 11:10 PM
Ebbie 28 Jun 00 - 12:05 AM
Mbo 28 Jun 00 - 12:07 AM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 28 Jun 00 - 12:09 AM
sophocleese 28 Jun 00 - 12:12 AM
Ebbie 28 Jun 00 - 12:16 AM
Bill D 28 Jun 00 - 12:26 AM
rangeroger 28 Jun 00 - 12:43 AM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 28 Jun 00 - 01:09 AM
Lonesome EJ 28 Jun 00 - 02:28 AM
kendall 28 Jun 00 - 08:04 AM
Mbo 28 Jun 00 - 08:37 AM
Mrrzy 28 Jun 00 - 10:20 AM
JenEllen 28 Jun 00 - 11:27 AM
Rana who SHOULD be working 28 Jun 00 - 11:35 AM
Mooh 28 Jun 00 - 11:56 AM
GUEST,Chantwrassler 28 Jun 00 - 12:35 PM
SINSULL 28 Jun 00 - 01:40 PM
Morticia 28 Jun 00 - 01:56 PM
Bert 28 Jun 00 - 02:22 PM
Bert 28 Jun 00 - 02:31 PM
Mrs.Duck 28 Jun 00 - 03:14 PM
Bert 28 Jun 00 - 03:30 PM
SINSULL 28 Jun 00 - 03:52 PM
sophocleese 28 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM
Liz the Squeak 28 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 28 Jun 00 - 07:43 PM
Lonesome EJ 28 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM
JenEllen 28 Jun 00 - 10:25 PM
Mbo 28 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM
wysiwyg 28 Jun 00 - 10:43 PM
GUEST,Potter 28 Jun 00 - 11:48 PM
zonahobo 29 Jun 00 - 02:46 AM
Gervase 29 Jun 00 - 05:34 AM
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Subject: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:24 PM

There seem to be a number of posts today in different threads about our spelling and grammatical laughers, and I thought of a friend of mine...not a Mudcatter, thank goodness... who has come up with some absolute classics.

The first time I heard her refer to "a Parisian rug", I chuckled a bit, but a few minutes later she used "a Fiat acomplis" to describe an event that had finished. At first I thought she must have been kidding, then I realised that her sense of humour didn't run in that area. A few weeks later at a party, she told of reading the riot act to her staff at work for their "grammical" errors! Most of the folks kept straight faces (while imagining the reactions of her staff) but her malaprops have become legendary.

I've known this person for a long time and have always been impressed with her drive, ambition, and the fact that she made it a point to "learn a new word" everyday. I think some kind of critical mass must have been reached though, and flubs like that (especially ones that ended up unintentionally hilarious) could really hurt her in the work place. So, throwing caution to the wind, I suggested one time that she "might be using some words the wrong way". Ohhhhh, did I get my come-uppance quickly...so I never mentioned it again. I thought of buying her a copy of a collection of Malaprops by famous celebrities like Sam Goldwyn, and Dan Quale, but figured she wouldn't get the connection....and I'd STILL be in trouble.

MY big social screw up is forgetting the names of people I've known for twenty years.......but I never forget what model of what brand of instrument they play!

Rick


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:29 PM

A rather haughty and well off relative of ours bragged endlessly about her latest purchase: " a digitalis clock". Cruel of us not to tell her.

Hee hee
SS


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:34 PM

I dunno, but the older I get, the funnier TV gets, as my hearing declines and my brain tries to adapt. The New Detectives, televised weekly, gets me every time. "Honey," I say to Hardiman, "shouldn't they put some clothes on?"

He had a deacon that had some reliable winners. Jesus hung upon the giblet (gibbet) of the cross, having been crucified under bad old Harold (Herod). You cold never quite rebulk (rebuke) Chuck, either, because he really meant well.

But Chuck had a real trick for getting people's names straight too, Rick, and I recommend you try this. To chuck, every man was Bill, and every woman Kathy. Chuck would rush forward when he saw a man he thought he must have met before, grab his hand and start pumping it furiously, saying: "Bill!!!! GREAT to see you!!!!" "Bill" would answer, "It's Sam, not Bill!" And Chuck would keep right on pumping, "Of course it's Sam! How silly of me! How ARE you?????" And poor Sam would think Chuck really knew who he was and that he recalled EVERYTHING they had ever discussed, because Chuck had made such a fuss over him.

~S~


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:09 PM

Sounds like a plan Kathy!

As you know I'm pretty suspicious when it comes to Preachers but that Deacon gets my vote! Along the same line, I used to have an album by a Southern (religious?) comic, named Brother Dave Gardiner. When he told the story of "Little David goin' off to fight the Philadelphians" I almost fell on the floor!

Rick


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:15 PM

Recently I saw an add in the university (ECU) newspaper (The East Carolinian) that stated they were looking for a new Head Copy Editor. One of the requirements said "Must have excellent skills in grammer." With any luck, this job will be mine all mine come mid-July...just don't tell Frasier!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:20 PM

Of course, Bill, because as we all know, it should be Fiddle-elfians.

~Sister Kathy


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Margo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM

My daughter Veronica, having autism, has a special aide in school. The aide would write a daily report and send it home in Veronica's backpack. I was appalled when I saw her write things such as "Veronica done good today", or "she don't like it".

One day, I happened to be with this aide and her daughter. I corrected her daughter's grammer at one point, and suddenly wondered if I ought to have... I explained to the young lady that people judge you by your language, and that it's better to speak correctly. Her mother, completely deadpan, agreed heartily. I said nothing, feeling it not an appropriate time to point anything out. Can you imagine? I had to keep from laughing. Margo


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM

Dear Margo,

I can emphathize with you about school aides and teachers. I'll never forget the time when my oldest son came home with a quiz from his science teacher, (typewritten, mind you) with this question: "How many times do the sun go around the earth?"

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:33 PM

"The best way to expose a fool is to let him speak." -- Ben Franklin


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: kendall
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:36 PM

Hey Mbo, I hope you get the job, and, while you are at it, teach them to spell "grammar"


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM

Thanks kendall. I'm glad someone caught the mistake! Whether they spelled it wrong on purpous is not known.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Micca
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:47 PM

One of my fave Malaprops was from the mother of friend who assured us that the sea was "as calm as a mildew"


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: bbelle
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 09:11 PM

My youngest sister, Ellen, is queen of Malaproprisms ... she has been known to say things like ... "She was built like a shit brick..."

But her most famous display happened when she was 8 years old (she's now 41)and brought home a note for permission to watch a film "On Girls and Their Periods." My mother thought she was too young but my father said she should go if all the other little girls were going.

Ellen went to her movie and later that evening I, my middle sister, and Ellen were sitting on my bed discussing the day. I asked Ellen what she had learned in school that day. She said ...

"We learned all about the menushkashay. Once a month an egg goes from the odorous to the universe and you get the menushkashay."

moonchild


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM

Ah yes, Menushkashay. I played a gig there in the 70s. They asked for a lot of Stompin' Tom songs.

Among the many that my friend has used..."Waste makes haste". I'm not making this up!

Rick


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:34 PM

I knew a lady in our church who would dismiss a topic by saying, "It's six of one and a dozen of the other." No one could make her understand the problem. == Johnny


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: JenEllen
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:41 PM

My sister is a lovely, seemingly intelligent woman who has reached critical mass as well. She has a few that she constantly confuses us with:

Condoms--Condiments--Condominiums
The 'Condiments Upon Request' sign at a drive-thru window sent her on a rampage about passing out free contraception to just anyone...

Veterans--Veterinarians--Vegetarians
She once called to inform me about special benefits..'Didja know they have Veteran's life insurance now?' And of course, veterinarians are the ones that don't eat meat.

~Elle (she who never remembers the people, but can name every dog they've ever had)


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: bbelle
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:10 PM

JenEllen ... I think we're related to the same sister!! Ya gotta love 'em!

moonchild


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:05 AM

My boss told me, with a knowing wink, about 2 women, "I think they're lebanese." He also said 'anheuser' (and my sister-in-law says, 'allheimer') for the distressing medical condition.

As to mixed metaphors, another boss at a meeting said, I was hoping one of you would pick up the ball and roll with it. At the same meeting, she said ruefully, Yes, that division this year has had its share of bumps and grinds.

I collect these giggles- in-the-night.

Ebbie


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:07 AM

A person in my art history class didn't know what a treatise was. She kept saying a "treastice". Oy.

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:09 AM

"There are none so blind as those who cannot see."

== Johnny


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: sophocleese
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:12 AM

Awful confusion one day in the book store when a customer phoned up to ask if we had a conker dance.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:16 AM

Banjo Johnny, I did a double take! For a moment,it made sense!


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:26 AM

umm..Banjo Johnny..I knew an electrician who was even BETTER than your church lady. He would say.."Six dozen of the other"....now THERE is a concept compressed nigh unto a black hole of grammar!

Lady at door-- "little boy, may I speak to your mother?"
Boy.."She ain't home"
Lady..."well, where is your father?" Boy.."I ain't got no ideer, maybe he done gone to the bar" Lady.."young man, where IS your grammar?"
Boy.."Out in the kitchen, making cookies"


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: rangeroger
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:43 AM

When I worked at Siver Mountain Ski Resort we had a gondola operator at the bottom terminal call us at the upper terminal to warn us of the ornamentals who just boarded and didn't speak any English.This then got coupled with the lift mechanic who called tourists,terrorists into "ornamental terrorists".
rr


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 01:09 AM

All the news shows are using the phrase "more on" such and such a topic. It sounds like they are saying MORON. I had a laugh when Jim Lehrer announced, "When we return, we'll have more on Newt Gingrich." == Johnny in Oklahoma City


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:28 AM

In the menswear department of a store, I saw a lady about seventy sweep by with her overalls-clad husband in tow. "I'm lookin' for your Farah Fawcetts," she said to the confused clerk. "I'm sorry?" the clerk responded." Farah Fawcetts!" the lady barked, and pointed to her husband,"he needs him a new pair of trousers!" The clerk's eyes lit up "Oh! You mean Farrah slacks..."

My best friend in high school, Bubba (I'm serious), was a straight A student and very intelligent, but he had some reading comprehension problems. When we were studying primitive humanoids, he insisted on calling them "Netherlands Man" instead of Neanderthal. Ricardo Montalban became "Richard Montabano". And once, during a current events discussion, he brought up "the big ovary" that was being dug out on the west side of town. We sat amazed as he described the huge blocks of limestone that were being pulled up from the ovary, some containing fossils of ancient sea creatures. Turns out he was talking about a quarry.

Through all of Bubba's mispronunciations and malaprops, I bit my tongue and suffered in silence, never wanting to hurt his feelings by correcting him. One afternoon we were browsing in a used bookstore downtown when I remarked in jest "look, Bubba. Here's one by Sigmund Free-ood." He gently placed his hand on my shoulder, saying "thats Freud, Ern."


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: kendall
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:04 AM

How many people do you hear say "Far and few between" ???


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:37 AM

Or "I could care less." Could you? Then do so! It's supposed to be "couldn't" but like Johnny said...

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:20 AM

Foreign parent goodies: I'm a real bread and potatoes man. Or, I'm a meat and potatoes person, I just like the potatoes better. Or: it's as easy as shooting a duck in the chest. Or (My personal fave): Q: Where does your accent come from? A: It comes from trying to speak English!


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:27 AM

My cousin is the same way as ol' Bubba. Some of my faves: Remember when that 'Young Guns' movie came out? Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen? Charlie played the part of 'Dick'? Willie to this day still calls them "...you know...Emestio Chavez and his brother Dick..."

He also has the baseball bug, and repeatedly calls Sandy Koufax, Sandy Kotex...tears flow on that one.

~Elle


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:35 AM

Person I knew (who ended up a poli. sci. prof.) was apparently excited about an assignment on "Youth in Asia", when at school and worked really hard on it.

The teacher was a bit taken aback when he read out his essay on this and not on mercy killing or euthinasea.

Rana


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mooh
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:56 AM

Venerable and venereal. A former boss of mine confused this title several times in a public address. It reinforced my opinion of him. Mooh.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Chantwrassler
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:35 PM

A group of us were sitting a number of years ago, bewailing and moaning about how hard it was to make one's way in the world, what a bunch of gits employers were, and why is my boss such a shit...?..... etc..

Then my friend's mother joins in, obviously desperate to make a sensible contribution, with: "Aye, son, it's nothin' but a cat race..."

Cheers


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 01:40 PM

HMMM. Whenever one of my cats gets out of hand, I mention calling in the Chinese High School Marching Bands (The Youth In Asia) but I know I mean euthenasia.

Have a friend who confuses pubic hair with public hair, hopefully not in public.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Morticia
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 01:56 PM

I knew somone once who would always say 'hopital' and 'neegle', for hospital and needle....at first I thought she was joking........she wasn't.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:22 PM

In a computer environment from people who should have known better I have heard...

Vertexes instead of vertices
and even vertice as the singular form of vertices.
and also initialate and terminize.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:31 PM

Just saw this on another thread. 'an infinite number'

Grrr, there's no such thing.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 03:14 PM

I'm going to get all highbrow now and talk latin. Actually no I'm not but I thought this was a good place to relate my faux pas in a latin exam many years ago at school. The only thing you need to know is that the latin for shield is scutum so I tranlated my first sentence into latin Caesar's men took up their scrotums and went to war!!!! More recently my six year old daughter Maddie said to a friend "You can't have sugar can you because you@re alphabetic."


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 03:30 PM

What kids say is probably good for a thread of it's own, but seeing as you've started.

During WWII my sister and I were evacuated to Wales. After the war we 'acquired' a new step-sister and we asked "Was Jackie evacuated?" Jackie, about 5 yrs old at the time proudly rolls up her sleeve and says "Yes, I've still got the mark"


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 03:52 PM

Well, Mrs Duck, better than leaving them lying about.

The Terminizater? What's the problem Bert? That was a great movie.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: sophocleese
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM

A news reporter around christmas time got a little confused between organisms and orgasms, I hope it was only a job related glitch.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM

There was a great blooper on Radio £ (terribly serious BBC station) where the reporter mentioned fog at Gatport Airwick...... a popular brand of air freshener at the time. Had me rolling round. But then, I'm strange like that!

LTS


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 07:43 PM

Do you remember this one?

Ladies and gentlemen, we now present the Mormon Nacker-tabble Choir .. er, Norman Mabber-tackle .. Tacker Mormon-nabble Choir.. Quacker-macker -- oh, hell!

Johnny In Oklahoma City


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM

Morbid Tallywhacker...


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:25 PM

Got this today...seemed somehow fitting...

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children.

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM

Yeah, I bet. Sounds made-up to me.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:43 PM

There is one prayer in our book that can go badly wrong, as in "May we need a lewd life" instead of "May we lead a new life..."

And then there is the one about Thine Ever-failing Love (Ooops, Thy Never-Failing Love).

I had a friend that would malaprop herself up on anything. She would laugh herself right off the floor. And with her you could only try to reciprocate, for, as she once said, there was no two-way-street about it. She musta been a real aficiondo.

~S~


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Potter
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:48 PM

Got a sister-in-law who refers to those Drs who open us up with "scapulas" as "surgents". I'm not sure if she's conferring a military rank upon them but misspelling it or implying an aggressive nature with their scapulas--putting their shoulder into it.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: zonahobo
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 02:46 AM

This is a fun thread. On one of our first shopping trips as a married couple my young wife and I were exchanging sizes for gifts when I asked her "what is your lingerie (pronounced just as it is spelled linger - e) size". She said she usually wore about 6 in lingerie (correct pronounciation). So I asked her if the French size would be the same as American? I really thought there was French lawnjurai' and good old American women's underwear called lingerie. She still teases me about it. Any other guys fall into this trap?


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Gervase
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 05:34 AM

...which reminds me of the BBC local newsreader making a wonderful bollocks of spoonerising a piece on "the Kent countryside". I remember staring at the TV thinking "Did he realy say that?" and then seeing the newsreader's ears turn crimson.


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