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'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.

GUEST,Nancy King 03 Jul 00 - 05:18 PM
Liz the Squeak 03 Jul 00 - 12:35 PM
GUEST 02 Jul 00 - 09:54 PM
Margaret V 02 Jul 00 - 03:19 PM
Margaret V 02 Jul 00 - 03:19 PM
Micca 02 Jul 00 - 02:00 PM
Gary T 02 Jul 00 - 01:38 PM
Helen 02 Jul 00 - 02:32 AM
Bill D 02 Jul 00 - 12:07 AM
GUEST,Joerg 01 Jul 00 - 10:06 PM
Helen 01 Jul 00 - 09:27 PM
Gary T 01 Jul 00 - 05:57 PM
Linda Kelly 01 Jul 00 - 04:39 PM
GUEST,johntm 01 Jul 00 - 01:30 PM
Gary T 01 Jul 00 - 01:15 PM
sophocleese 30 Jun 00 - 09:02 PM
bflat 30 Jun 00 - 07:08 PM
bflat 30 Jun 00 - 07:06 PM
Bill D 30 Jun 00 - 06:49 PM
Micca 30 Jun 00 - 06:41 AM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 30 Jun 00 - 03:21 AM
Melani 30 Jun 00 - 01:53 AM
Bill D 30 Jun 00 - 12:46 AM
GUEST,Mrr 29 Jun 00 - 12:45 PM
Mrs.Duck 29 Jun 00 - 12:11 PM
Gervase 29 Jun 00 - 05:34 AM
zonahobo 29 Jun 00 - 02:46 AM
GUEST,Potter 28 Jun 00 - 11:48 PM
wysiwyg 28 Jun 00 - 10:43 PM
Mbo 28 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM
JenEllen 28 Jun 00 - 10:25 PM
Lonesome EJ 28 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM
GUEST,Banjo Johnny 28 Jun 00 - 07:43 PM
Liz the Squeak 28 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM
sophocleese 28 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM
SINSULL 28 Jun 00 - 03:52 PM
Bert 28 Jun 00 - 03:30 PM
Mrs.Duck 28 Jun 00 - 03:14 PM
Bert 28 Jun 00 - 02:31 PM
Bert 28 Jun 00 - 02:22 PM
Morticia 28 Jun 00 - 01:56 PM
SINSULL 28 Jun 00 - 01:40 PM
GUEST,Chantwrassler 28 Jun 00 - 12:35 PM
Mooh 28 Jun 00 - 11:56 AM
Rana who SHOULD be working 28 Jun 00 - 11:35 AM
JenEllen 28 Jun 00 - 11:27 AM
Mrrzy 28 Jun 00 - 10:20 AM
Mbo 28 Jun 00 - 08:37 AM
kendall 28 Jun 00 - 08:04 AM
Lonesome EJ 28 Jun 00 - 02:28 AM
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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Nancy King
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 05:18 PM

Back to word goofs-- Many years ago a friend of mine, at the time a reporter for Associated Press in Washington DC, was working on Christmas eve, and had just finished a story on holiday services and sent it out over the wire. The phone rang and she answered, but the guy on the phone was laughing so hard he couldn't tell her why he'd called and finally just hung up, leaving my friend a bit perplexed. In a little while, he called again, still snickering and guffawing, but this time he managed to tell her to look at the story on church services. She did--turned out she'd written about the Shrine of the Emasculate Conception...


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:35 PM

I knew a brown dog called Brun.

I also knew a blue cat (persian - blue meaning grey here) that was called Pinky. Go figure.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 09:54 PM

Thank you for your explanations. But I thought there was some very old, very traditional reason.

I first know a folk song 'Blue' (you good dog, you...). And then I once (long ago) read a story of a french king (don't ask me his name) who used to have a cross burned into the tongue of everybody he heard using the Lord's name to swear. So the people who considered that procedure a little painful began to replace 'Dieu' with 'Bleu' - the latter being the name of the king's dog, and it rhymes. Therefore 'Parbleu' and 'Sacre Bleu'. Also some kind of language larf, although not in english.

Did french kings still burn crosses into tongues when australians began to call red-haired people 'Blue' (I thought this was a general australian expression for everybody) so maybe a red-haired dog was named so? Or were there more real blue dogs in former times? (I even don't know one of them, also I once had a brown dog - never thought of naming him 'Brown'.)

Still ?????, sorry.

Joerg


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Margaret V
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 03:19 PM

I had the typically icky experience of used-car hunting several years ago in Milwaukee. In trying to explain away the clanking noise I had heard in one test-drive, the sales guy claimed it was just in the nature of Subaru's "horizontically opposed engine" to make that noise. Well, I ended up with a Toyota and a new vocabulary word. Margaret


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Margaret V
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 03:19 PM

I had the typically icky experience of used-car hunting several years ago in Milwaukee. In trying to explain away the clanking noise I had heard in one test-drive, the sales guy claimed it was just in the nature of Subaru's "horizontically opposed engine" to make that noise. Well, I ended up with a Toyota and a new vocabulary word. Margaret


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Micca
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 02:00 PM

There was a Chemistry teacher I knew once whose 1st language wasnt English , but he spoke it excellently, except when he got very angry and he would point at an offending student with his pencil and say loudly "There is an idiot at the end of this pencil"


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Gary T
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 01:38 PM

Joerg, some breeds of dogs have a coat that does appear bluish in certain light. One I have seen here in the states is called a "Blue Heeler" (heeler because it nips at the heels of livestock, I believe--a type of herding dog). It's certainly not a bold, vibrant, obvious blue, but I found it understandable when I saw it.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Helen
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 02:32 AM

Joerg,

It's typical in Australia to call red-haired people "Blue". Just the Aussie style of humour - it would be too simple, and "stating the bleeding obvious" to call them "Red" so we call them "Blue" instead. We call tall people "Shorty" too. Everything like that is said with a wicked grin, over here. Helen


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 12:07 AM

Helen..*nodding in sympathy*...it is hard enough in person to make jokes like that...in cyberspace, with no voice inflections or body language, it is REALLY hard...I lace my posts with all sorts of *winks* and *grins* and paranthetical expressions to try to avoid problems...it is sad, but some folk are just totally literal-minded and seldom make ANY sort of jokes...*shrug*...what can you do?

Joerg...well, gee...I seldom see simple agreement...*smile*...thanks...


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 10:06 PM

Bill D - may I just say that I simply think that you are RIGHT!!!!! ?

Helen - I have wondered for many years why people call dogs (or people) 'Blue', and I still don't know. The french expression 'Parbleu' once was told me to refer to a dog named 'Bleu'.

?????

Do you know more about that?

Joerg


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Helen
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 09:27 PM

Bill D,

When I was a librarian I used to jokingly refer to the "Li-berry". Most people knew I was joking, but one well-meaning soul corrected me gently. There was actually a li-berryan working there who referred to it as Li-berry constantly.

I used to joke about the cattle-dog (catalogue) too. (Australian blue cattle dogs are legendary over here, the wonder working dogs of Oz. "Blue" because there is a blue-black appearance to the black and white mottled parts of their coat.)

Helen


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Gary T
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 05:57 PM

One of my college biology professors, while discussing the various orders of insects, was on the subject of lice. Apparently he was trying to recall which ones were included in the department's insect collection. Immediately after mentioning the pubic louse, he scratched his head, looked down at his belt buckle and said "I'm sure I've got some of them around here. I'll have to see if I can dig them up."

The class broke up, roaring with laughter.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 04:39 PM

We once had a physics teacher at school who constantly put his foot in his mouth - on one occassion he was demonstrating a hand powered turbine -- 'You will notice that this machine is turned by a crank' he said


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,johntm
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 01:30 PM

phil rizzuto was famous for comments when announcing the yankee games. one of the best was this as he rushed to leave near the end of a game: " i have got to get home to get into Cora's (his wife) pajamas." the tv went dead silent while bill white probably bit his tongue off.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Gary T
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 01:15 PM

I knew a fella who talked about playing blues using a "Platonic" scale. He eventually cought on to "pentatonic".


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 09:02 PM

The sports announcer on Thursday told us that "The yellow cards were coming thick and thin at the moment." (That's soccer, or football, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. Italy beat Holland. It was a good game.)


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: bflat
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 07:08 PM

That was intended to be "communications" company. I"ve been laughing so hard through this thread that I have tears running down my face. So goes my defense.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: bflat
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 07:06 PM

A business associate some years back convened a meeting to discuss the assets and desets of an issue. He is now a VP in a major communtions company.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 06:49 PM

it all make you wonder why people, when confronted with a word that is new to them, will not simple ask about it, or go look it up, instead of grabbing it and using it incorrectly.......I would not have been 'sure' of the origins of 'Karistan'...but since Khazakstan is the only country I ever heard of with that 'sound' I would have asked the question differently...Many of the funny example cited above are genuine, honest misunderstandings, but I really worry about the mindset that can continue to use 'surgents' and 'scapulas' and 'Netherlands man' throughout their lives. At some point it is kinder to correct them than to just laugh behind our hands. I DO understand that there are a few who simply cannot comprehend the differences, and those folks should be just humanely tolerated, but so often it is just laziness and an 'I don't care' attitude. The jokes about the mistakes would be MUCH funnier if we were laughing WITH someone who now knows the correct usage and appreciates being gently corrected.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Micca
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 06:41 AM

banjo, it reminds me of the famous headline from WW1 i think" Allied push bottles up Germans" (a "push" was an attack) this provided me with moments of quiet amusement as I tried to visualise.....


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 03:21 AM

Some of these quotes are what we used to call Blushing Crows .. from the famous, "Mussolini fell from power when the Allies delivered Sicily a blushing crow." == Johnny in OKC


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Melani
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 01:53 AM

My husband was visiting some relatives who had just had beautiful oriental rugs installed all over their house. The relatives remarked that they were Karastan carpets. My husband, knowing they had recently been on a climbing trip in Central Asia, inquired, "Did you bring them back with you from Karastan?" (For those who don't know, like my husband, "Karastan" is a brand name.) But the best part was when, after telling the story to a lady I worked with, she asked very seriously, "How did he handle that?" She obviously didn't know him. He and his cousins rolled on the floor and howled.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Jun 00 - 12:46 AM

well, just today...on a PBS talk show, a guest was talking about the history of the CIA, and referred to somone using "Morris" code..then, within 5 minutes a caller wanted to know if she had any more 'antidotes' about the old days..(or he 'could' have said 'annadotes'...but it was NOT 'anecdotes')...

and I DO get tired of certain English correspondents for Public Radio calling that Central American country "Nick-uh-RAG-you-uh"...there is simply NO excuse for that- it is not like Japanese having trouble with 'l' and 'r'...


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:45 PM

I used to work at an answering service with a client called New Directions for Men. I always pronounced it Nude Erections for Men, nobody ever noticed... and to this day when I hear a newscaster say anything about a new direction I crack up...


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 12:11 PM

This could go on fo ever- who in England has not heard of the BBC commentator who reported during a cricket match "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey" and back to children and Christmas one child drew a little circular chap in the corner of his nativity scene and when asked who it was said "It's round John Virgin"!!


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Gervase
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 05:34 AM

...which reminds me of the BBC local newsreader making a wonderful bollocks of spoonerising a piece on "the Kent countryside". I remember staring at the TV thinking "Did he realy say that?" and then seeing the newsreader's ears turn crimson.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: zonahobo
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 02:46 AM

This is a fun thread. On one of our first shopping trips as a married couple my young wife and I were exchanging sizes for gifts when I asked her "what is your lingerie (pronounced just as it is spelled linger - e) size". She said she usually wore about 6 in lingerie (correct pronounciation). So I asked her if the French size would be the same as American? I really thought there was French lawnjurai' and good old American women's underwear called lingerie. She still teases me about it. Any other guys fall into this trap?


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Potter
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:48 PM

Got a sister-in-law who refers to those Drs who open us up with "scapulas" as "surgents". I'm not sure if she's conferring a military rank upon them but misspelling it or implying an aggressive nature with their scapulas--putting their shoulder into it.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:43 PM

There is one prayer in our book that can go badly wrong, as in "May we need a lewd life" instead of "May we lead a new life..."

And then there is the one about Thine Ever-failing Love (Ooops, Thy Never-Failing Love).

I had a friend that would malaprop herself up on anything. She would laugh herself right off the floor. And with her you could only try to reciprocate, for, as she once said, there was no two-way-street about it. She musta been a real aficiondo.

~S~


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM

Yeah, I bet. Sounds made-up to me.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:25 PM

Got this today...seemed somehow fitting...

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children.

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM

Morbid Tallywhacker...


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 07:43 PM

Do you remember this one?

Ladies and gentlemen, we now present the Mormon Nacker-tabble Choir .. er, Norman Mabber-tackle .. Tacker Mormon-nabble Choir.. Quacker-macker -- oh, hell!

Johnny In Oklahoma City


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM

There was a great blooper on Radio £ (terribly serious BBC station) where the reporter mentioned fog at Gatport Airwick...... a popular brand of air freshener at the time. Had me rolling round. But then, I'm strange like that!

LTS


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: sophocleese
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM

A news reporter around christmas time got a little confused between organisms and orgasms, I hope it was only a job related glitch.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 03:52 PM

Well, Mrs Duck, better than leaving them lying about.

The Terminizater? What's the problem Bert? That was a great movie.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 03:30 PM

What kids say is probably good for a thread of it's own, but seeing as you've started.

During WWII my sister and I were evacuated to Wales. After the war we 'acquired' a new step-sister and we asked "Was Jackie evacuated?" Jackie, about 5 yrs old at the time proudly rolls up her sleeve and says "Yes, I've still got the mark"


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 03:14 PM

I'm going to get all highbrow now and talk latin. Actually no I'm not but I thought this was a good place to relate my faux pas in a latin exam many years ago at school. The only thing you need to know is that the latin for shield is scutum so I tranlated my first sentence into latin Caesar's men took up their scrotums and went to war!!!! More recently my six year old daughter Maddie said to a friend "You can't have sugar can you because you@re alphabetic."


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:31 PM

Just saw this on another thread. 'an infinite number'

Grrr, there's no such thing.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:22 PM

In a computer environment from people who should have known better I have heard...

Vertexes instead of vertices
and even vertice as the singular form of vertices.
and also initialate and terminize.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Morticia
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 01:56 PM

I knew somone once who would always say 'hopital' and 'neegle', for hospital and needle....at first I thought she was joking........she wasn't.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 01:40 PM

HMMM. Whenever one of my cats gets out of hand, I mention calling in the Chinese High School Marching Bands (The Youth In Asia) but I know I mean euthenasia.

Have a friend who confuses pubic hair with public hair, hopefully not in public.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Chantwrassler
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:35 PM

A group of us were sitting a number of years ago, bewailing and moaning about how hard it was to make one's way in the world, what a bunch of gits employers were, and why is my boss such a shit...?..... etc..

Then my friend's mother joins in, obviously desperate to make a sensible contribution, with: "Aye, son, it's nothin' but a cat race..."

Cheers


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mooh
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:56 AM

Venerable and venereal. A former boss of mine confused this title several times in a public address. It reinforced my opinion of him. Mooh.


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:35 AM

Person I knew (who ended up a poli. sci. prof.) was apparently excited about an assignment on "Youth in Asia", when at school and worked really hard on it.

The teacher was a bit taken aback when he read out his essay on this and not on mercy killing or euthinasea.

Rana


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 11:27 AM

My cousin is the same way as ol' Bubba. Some of my faves: Remember when that 'Young Guns' movie came out? Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen? Charlie played the part of 'Dick'? Willie to this day still calls them "...you know...Emestio Chavez and his brother Dick..."

He also has the baseball bug, and repeatedly calls Sandy Koufax, Sandy Kotex...tears flow on that one.

~Elle


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 10:20 AM

Foreign parent goodies: I'm a real bread and potatoes man. Or, I'm a meat and potatoes person, I just like the potatoes better. Or: it's as easy as shooting a duck in the chest. Or (My personal fave): Q: Where does your accent come from? A: It comes from trying to speak English!


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:37 AM

Or "I could care less." Could you? Then do so! It's supposed to be "couldn't" but like Johnny said...

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: kendall
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:04 AM

How many people do you hear say "Far and few between" ???


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Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:28 AM

In the menswear department of a store, I saw a lady about seventy sweep by with her overalls-clad husband in tow. "I'm lookin' for your Farah Fawcetts," she said to the confused clerk. "I'm sorry?" the clerk responded." Farah Fawcetts!" the lady barked, and pointed to her husband,"he needs him a new pair of trousers!" The clerk's eyes lit up "Oh! You mean Farrah slacks..."

My best friend in high school, Bubba (I'm serious), was a straight A student and very intelligent, but he had some reading comprehension problems. When we were studying primitive humanoids, he insisted on calling them "Netherlands Man" instead of Neanderthal. Ricardo Montalban became "Richard Montabano". And once, during a current events discussion, he brought up "the big ovary" that was being dug out on the west side of town. We sat amazed as he described the huge blocks of limestone that were being pulled up from the ovary, some containing fossils of ancient sea creatures. Turns out he was talking about a quarry.

Through all of Bubba's mispronunciations and malaprops, I bit my tongue and suffered in silence, never wanting to hurt his feelings by correcting him. One afternoon we were browsing in a used bookstore downtown when I remarked in jest "look, Bubba. Here's one by Sigmund Free-ood." He gently placed his hand on my shoulder, saying "thats Freud, Ern."


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