'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 01:09 AM

All the news shows are using the phrase "more on" such and such a topic. It sounds like they are saying MORON. I had a laugh when Jim Lehrer announced, "When we return, we'll have more on Newt Gingrich." == Johnny in Oklahoma City

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: rangeroger
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:43 AM

When I worked at Siver Mountain Ski Resort we had a gondola operator at the bottom terminal call us at the upper terminal to warn us of the ornamentals who just boarded and didn't speak any English.This then got coupled with the lift mechanic who called tourists,terrorists into "ornamental terrorists".
rr

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:26 AM

umm..Banjo Johnny..I knew an electrician who was even BETTER than your church lady. He would say.."Six dozen of the other"....now THERE is a concept compressed nigh unto a black hole of grammar!

Lady at door-- "little boy, may I speak to your mother?"
Boy.."She ain't home"
Lady..."well, where is your father?" Boy.."I ain't got no ideer, maybe he done gone to the bar" Lady.."young man, where IS your grammar?"
Boy.."Out in the kitchen, making cookies"

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:16 AM

Banjo Johnny, I did a double take! For a moment,it made sense!

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: sophocleese
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:12 AM

Awful confusion one day in the book store when a customer phoned up to ask if we had a conker dance.

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:09 AM

"There are none so blind as those who cannot see."

== Johnny

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:07 AM

A person in my art history class didn't know what a treatise was. She kept saying a "treastice". Oy.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 12:05 AM

My boss told me, with a knowing wink, about 2 women, "I think they're lebanese." He also said 'anheuser' (and my sister-in-law says, 'allheimer') for the distressing medical condition.

As to mixed metaphors, another boss at a meeting said, I was hoping one of you would pick up the ball and roll with it. At the same meeting, she said ruefully, Yes, that division this year has had its share of bumps and grinds.

I collect these giggles- in-the-night.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: bbelle
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:10 PM

JenEllen ... I think we're related to the same sister!! Ya gotta love 'em!

moonchild

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: JenEllen
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:41 PM

My sister is a lovely, seemingly intelligent woman who has reached critical mass as well. She has a few that she constantly confuses us with:

Condoms--Condiments--Condominiums
The 'Condiments Upon Request' sign at a drive-thru window sent her on a rampage about passing out free contraception to just anyone...

Veterans--Veterinarians--Vegetarians
She once called to inform me about special benefits..'Didja know they have Veteran's life insurance now?' And of course, veterinarians are the ones that don't eat meat.

~Elle (she who never remembers the people, but can name every dog they've ever had)

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:34 PM

I knew a lady in our church who would dismiss a topic by saying, "It's six of one and a dozen of the other." No one could make her understand the problem. == Johnny

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:29 PM

Ah yes, Menushkashay. I played a gig there in the 70s. They asked for a lot of Stompin' Tom songs.

Among the many that my friend has used..."Waste makes haste". I'm not making this up!

Rick

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: bbelle
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 09:11 PM

My youngest sister, Ellen, is queen of Malaproprisms ... she has been known to say things like ... "She was built like a shit brick..."

But her most famous display happened when she was 8 years old (she's now 41)and brought home a note for permission to watch a film "On Girls and Their Periods." My mother thought she was too young but my father said she should go if all the other little girls were going.

Ellen went to her movie and later that evening I, my middle sister, and Ellen were sitting on my bed discussing the day. I asked Ellen what she had learned in school that day. She said ...

"We learned all about the menushkashay. Once a month an egg goes from the odorous to the universe and you get the menushkashay."

moonchild

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Micca
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:47 PM

One of my fave Malaprops was from the mother of friend who assured us that the sea was "as calm as a mildew"

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:44 PM

Thanks kendall. I'm glad someone caught the mistake! Whether they spelled it wrong on purpous is not known.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: kendall
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:36 PM

Hey Mbo, I hope you get the job, and, while you are at it, teach them to spell "grammar"

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: GUEST,Banjo Johnny
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:33 PM

"The best way to expose a fool is to let him speak." -- Ben Franklin

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:34 PM

Dear Margo,

I can emphathize with you about school aides and teachers. I'll never forget the time when my oldest son came home with a quiz from his science teacher, (typewritten, mind you) with this question: "How many times do the sun go around the earth?"

-- Áine

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Margo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:21 PM

My daughter Veronica, having autism, has a special aide in school. The aide would write a daily report and send it home in Veronica's backpack. I was appalled when I saw her write things such as "Veronica done good today", or "she don't like it".

One day, I happened to be with this aide and her daughter. I corrected her daughter's grammer at one point, and suddenly wondered if I ought to have... I explained to the young lady that people judge you by your language, and that it's better to speak correctly. Her mother, completely deadpan, agreed heartily. I said nothing, feeling it not an appropriate time to point anything out. Can you imagine? I had to keep from laughing. Margo

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:20 PM

Of course, Bill, because as we all know, it should be Fiddle-elfians.

~Sister Kathy

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:15 PM

Recently I saw an add in the university (ECU) newspaper (The East Carolinian) that stated they were looking for a new Head Copy Editor. One of the requirements said "Must have excellent skills in grammer." With any luck, this job will be mine all mine come mid-July...just don't tell Frasier!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:09 PM

Sounds like a plan Kathy!

As you know I'm pretty suspicious when it comes to Preachers but that Deacon gets my vote! Along the same line, I used to have an album by a Southern (religious?) comic, named Brother Dave Gardiner. When he told the story of "Little David goin' off to fight the Philadelphians" I almost fell on the floor!

Rick

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:34 PM

I dunno, but the older I get, the funnier TV gets, as my hearing declines and my brain tries to adapt. The New Detectives, televised weekly, gets me every time. "Honey," I say to Hardiman, "shouldn't they put some clothes on?"

He had a deacon that had some reliable winners. Jesus hung upon the giblet (gibbet) of the cross, having been crucified under bad old Harold (Herod). You cold never quite rebulk (rebuke) Chuck, either, because he really meant well.

But Chuck had a real trick for getting people's names straight too, Rick, and I recommend you try this. To chuck, every man was Bill, and every woman Kathy. Chuck would rush forward when he saw a man he thought he must have met before, grab his hand and start pumping it furiously, saying: "Bill!!!! GREAT to see you!!!!" "Bill" would answer, "It's Sam, not Bill!" And Chuck would keep right on pumping, "Of course it's Sam! How silly of me! How ARE you?????" And poor Sam would think Chuck really knew who he was and that he recalled EVERYTHING they had ever discussed, because Chuck had made such a fuss over him.

~S~

Subject: RE: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:29 PM

A rather haughty and well off relative of ours bragged endlessly about her latest purchase: " a digitalis clock". Cruel of us not to tell her.

Hee hee
SS

Subject: 'Grammical' faux pas. Language Larfs.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:24 PM

There seem to be a number of posts today in different threads about our spelling and grammatical laughers, and I thought of a friend of mine...not a Mudcatter, thank goodness... who has come up with some absolute classics.

The first time I heard her refer to "a Parisian rug", I chuckled a bit, but a few minutes later she used "a Fiat acomplis" to describe an event that had finished. At first I thought she must have been kidding, then I realised that her sense of humour didn't run in that area. A few weeks later at a party, she told of reading the riot act to her staff at work for their "grammical" errors! Most of the folks kept straight faces (while imagining the reactions of her staff) but her malaprops have become legendary.

I've known this person for a long time and have always been impressed with her drive, ambition, and the fact that she made it a point to "learn a new word" everyday. I think some kind of critical mass must have been reached though, and flubs like that (especially ones that ended up unintentionally hilarious) could really hurt her in the work place. So, throwing caution to the wind, I suggested one time that she "might be using some words the wrong way". Ohhhhh, did I get my come-uppance quickly...so I never mentioned it again. I thought of buying her a copy of a collection of Malaprops by famous celebrities like Sam Goldwyn, and Dan Quale, but figured she wouldn't get the connection....and I'd STILL be in trouble.

MY big social screw up is forgetting the names of people I've known for twenty years.......but I never forget what model of what brand of instrument they play!

Rick