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Song Challenge! Part 31

Áine 01 Jul 00 - 01:14 PM
Amergin 01 Jul 00 - 03:14 PM
Áine 01 Jul 00 - 03:17 PM
Dharmabum 01 Jul 00 - 03:51 PM
Áine 01 Jul 00 - 04:25 PM
JenEllen 01 Jul 00 - 06:13 PM
Dharmabum 01 Jul 00 - 06:27 PM
Uncle_DaveO 01 Jul 00 - 06:35 PM
Amergin 01 Jul 00 - 06:41 PM
Áine 01 Jul 00 - 06:54 PM
Mbo 01 Jul 00 - 07:37 PM
Bradypus 01 Jul 00 - 07:40 PM
Amergin 02 Jul 00 - 03:14 AM
Bradypus 02 Jul 00 - 07:08 PM
SINSULL 02 Jul 00 - 08:39 PM
MMario 03 Jul 00 - 09:58 AM
Kim C 03 Jul 00 - 10:05 AM
Áine 03 Jul 00 - 11:15 AM
Scabby Douglas 03 Jul 00 - 11:52 AM
Áine 03 Jul 00 - 12:16 PM
Amergin 04 Jul 00 - 02:49 PM
Áine 04 Jul 00 - 03:18 PM
wysiwyg 05 Jul 00 - 07:15 AM
Naemanson 05 Jul 00 - 11:04 AM
SharonA 16 Aug 01 - 09:48 AM
MMario 16 Aug 01 - 10:21 AM
SharonA 16 Aug 01 - 10:26 AM
Jack the Sailor 16 Aug 01 - 11:03 AM
Amos 16 Aug 01 - 04:13 PM
Trapper 16 Aug 01 - 04:41 PM
Trapper 16 Aug 01 - 04:44 PM
Jack the Sailor 16 Aug 01 - 05:00 PM
GUEST 17 Aug 01 - 08:42 PM
Áine 18 Aug 01 - 11:06 AM
SharonA 18 Aug 01 - 11:30 AM
Deda 20 Aug 01 - 12:03 PM
Aidan Crossey 03 Sep 01 - 09:43 AM
Amos 03 Sep 01 - 10:45 AM
Aidan Crossey 03 Sep 01 - 11:40 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 01:14 PM

After you read this Challenge!, you'll understand why I suggested that all of you Challenge!rs "save some" from Part 30. This Challenge! idea comes from our one and only MMario -- which kinda makes me wonder if he's ever actually been in -

Port-a-Potty Peril -- Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania, June 15 - Police rescued a man who found himself stuck in the depths of a portable toilet at a recreational field Wednesday afternoon, after he lowered himself inside and couldn't get out. The man, not identified by police, told officers he was trying to retrieve his keys. He was trapped there for at least 45 awful minutes, he told police.

Children playing basketball heard the man calling for help and told their mother. She called township police. Officers arrived about 2:45 p.m. and found the unfortunate man, still shouting and in the toilet's lower chamber up to his hips. He was naked from the waist down, having taken off his shoes and pants for his unpleasant task.

It took emergency response workers until 3:28 p.m. to extract him, police said, adding that they had to destroy a significant part of the facility in the process. Police could not estimate the cost of the damage.

One he was free, the man was taken to hospital for treatment of cuts and bruises - and to have the wedged-tight toilet seat removed from around his torso.

I usually say "Go For It! Challenge!rs!" here, but somehow I feel that I might be endangering the more adventerous of you if I did . . .


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Amergin
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 03:14 PM

Surprised I'm the first one to post some potty humor.

Last Thing on My Mind

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
I'm stuck man, I'm stuck man
In the wink of an eye my stomache's churnin'
In the can, in the can.

Chorus:
Are you laughing on with no thought of concern
Will there be not a tear left behind
Well, I could have done it better
Didn't mean to get in a bind
You know that was the last thing on my mind.

As I sat down, my keys went atumblin'
Down and down, down and down
I got up cursing and a grumblin
Looking down, looking down
CHORUS
As I stand here waist deep in the sewer
Calling out, calling out.
Frantically my hopes become fewer
I hoarsely shout, I hoarsely shout.

CHORUS

You've got reasons a-plenty for gigglin
This I know, this I know.
Covered with turds I am wrigglin
Please don't go, please don't go.

Amergin


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 03:17 PM

"Covered with turds I am wrigglin" -- Oh Amergin, yet another Challenge! classic line! Love it, love it!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Dharmabum
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 03:51 PM

HILLARIOUS!!!!!!! Good one Amergin.

Ron.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 04:25 PM

You know, I'm really beginning to wonder why I'm waxing so romantic when it comes to poo parodies . . .

Pry Me From The Loo
(Tune: Fly Me To The Moon)

Pry me from the loo
Don't let me dangle any more
My hair is green, my eyes are brown
I'll drown if I slip lower
In other words, grab my feet
In other words, twist and yank me!

Save me from this poo
It doesn't smell so great down here
Though I cannot see their faces
I can hear the firemen leer
In other words, I'm a git
In other words, stop laughing at me!

Pul me from this pissoir
I finally found my keys
But I've lost my bloody wedding ring
Don't let my wife know, please
In other words, she'd be pissed
In other words, she'd divorce me!

Oust me from this oubliette
And remove me from this park
Those brats were pitching rocks at me
And thought it quite a lark
In other words, I was assaulted
In other words, don't arrest me!

Rip me from this ring of wood
That's stuck around my middle
I could have saved myself this grief
If I hadn't had to piddle
In other words, don't call the papers
In other words, please just shoot me!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: JenEllen
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 06:13 PM

When I read this story in the paper all I could do was laugh and think about the Utah Phillips 'Goodnight/Lovin' lines
"Well Doc, ya ever seen anything like it?"
"Yeah, but not with a frame around it."

Please accept this as my humble submission.*bg*

Love's Final Stand (to the tune of 'Song For All The Good People')

I left bright and early, to see my gal Shirley
We were in love, and she was my friend
An engagement ring, to her I would bring
Never knowing how my trip would end

Chorus:
This is a song for all the good people
All the good people, who saved my life
This is a song for all the good people
People I'm thanking my stars for tonight

Just on a wild lark, I stopped at the state park
Some wild flowers to her I would take
So I walked on my way, gathered my bouquet
And back to the car, with one last stop to make

I closed the 'pot door, set my bundle on the floor
To make this lightning fast pit-stop
Dropped my pants like a rocket, and turned out my pocket
Then from below came a sickening 'plop'

CHORUS

Fast forgotten was my pee, as I turned 'round to see
Peering down in the dim morning light
There were may car keys, I gasped in the dank breeze
For glinting beside them was her ring, on the right

I fished with the flowers for nearly an hour
I tried a tree branch, then tried my hand
I needed something stronger, it had to be longer
I sighed, and prepared for Love's Final Stand

CHORUS

I took my pants down, laid them on the ground
Turned to face "Johnny", and stuck my feet in
It was slicker than it looked, a second was all it took
And there I was in it clean up to my chin

I yelled for an hour, made daisy-chains with the flowers
Resigned to my fate, I was stuck here quite tight
Then a beautiful sight, a blinding bright light
And a policeman who asked me "Hey Buddy, y'all right?"

CHORUS

The ensuing extraction nearly put me in traction
Wearing a toilet seat, and smelling like a rose
The driver said "Honey, you're walking kinda funny.."
I smiled and showed her what was clenched in my toes

They took me downtown, in a hospital gown
Shirley showed up, I proposed, and she grinned
She'd be my wife, and be with me for life
But I'll be damned if I tell her where that ring has been

CHORUS

So my story has ended, not quite as intended
I still got married, sweet as ya please
But when we walk in the park, or stay out after dark
Shirley always holds on to the keys

This is a song for all the good people
All the good people who saved my life
This is a song for all the good people
All the good people, and Shirley, my wife


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Dharmabum
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 06:27 PM

THE HOUSE OF THE RISING TIDE {sun}

There is a house in Huntington,

Out in the Keystone State,

It's been the ruin of my pride,

Where I suffered a terrible fate.

I was jogging in the park,

One Wednesday afternoon,

When suddenly I heard the call,

So I ran to the bathroom.

While fumbling with my jogging shorts,

My keys came tumbling free,

I tried to catch them in mid flight,

But they got away from me.

Now they could've landed on the floor,

And rested near my feet,

But they headed for the depths of hell,

And went through the toilet seat.

I don't know what went through my mind,

The memory's gone black,

But for some unknown reason,

I thought I'd get them back.

I thought that I would go head first,

But that would never do,

So I stepped in up to my waist,

Just a wading in that poo.

I felt around with my bare feet,

Just searching for that prize,

Lord let me find my lost car keys,

And make it home to sanitize.

I found 3 condoms & some change,

Enough corn to choke a horse,

But just as I gave up the fight,

Things turned from bad to worse.

In my haste to wiggle in,

I'd had not thought of it,

I'd wedged myself inside the seat,

Now I'm stuck waist deep in shit.

I pushed I pulled I tried to jump,

But it all seemed of no use,

It seems I've got no other choice,

But to sing the shithouse blues.

Somebody heard my cry for help,

Somebody called the law,

When they arrived & looked inside,

They laughed at what they saw.

They had to cut that Port o Pot,

To set this poor soul free,

To liberate my naked ass,

From crap up to my knees.

They put me in an ambulance,

All covered up in poo,

To make it worse I had to wear,

A toilet seat tu tu.

So mothers tell your children,

Not to do as I have done,

The Port o Pot's no place to swim,

Believe me it's no fun.

There's an ending to this story,

And it's really not too sad,

I'm a diver now for Roto Rooter,

And the pay is not too bad.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 06:35 PM

Two gems in that one: "A toilet seeat tu tu" and "I'm a diver now for Roto Rooter, and the pay is not too bad."

Great!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Amergin
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 06:41 PM

ROTFLMAO!!!! for the three of you. Good Job!!!

Here's a half-assed one:

WORRIED MAN BLUES

It takes a worried man to sing a worried song
It takes a worried man to sing a worried song
It takes a worried man to sing a worried song
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long.

I went into the potty just to take a pee
I went into the potty just to take a pee
I went into the potty just to take a pee
When I zipped up I found I lost my keys

I dropped my pants to go jumpin in
I dropped my pants to go jumpin in
I dropped my pants to go jumpin in
I dived down my head started to spin

I felt around until I found my keys
I felt around until I found my keys
I felt around until I found my keys
When I got up, I was stuck in the toilet seat

There were some kids spitting the kudu turds
There were some kids spitting the kudu turds
There were some kids spitting the kudu turds
I screamed and hollered til they said they heard

They told their mom that I needed help
They told their mom that I needed help
They told their mom that I needed help
She called the cops when she heard me yelp

I heard the sirens roaring from afar
I heard the sirens roaring from afar
I heard the sirens roaring from afar
Two old women crashed in their police car

They took apart the potty and got me out of here
They took apart the potty and got me out of here
They took apart the potty and got me out of here
When I got home I drank some Asaka beer

I had to burp when I got a little soused
I had to burp when I got a little soused
I had to burp when I got a little soused
The burp caught afire and burned down my house

It takes a worried man to sing a worried song.
It takes a worried man to sing a worried song
It takes a worried man to sing a worried song.
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long.

Amerginwhoknowsthisoneisfeeble


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 06:54 PM

I really must think of a Cow Chip Classic Line Award (any suggestions, my darlin' Challenge!rs??) --

And the nominees are (since Amergin's first entry):

JenEllen's:
The ensuing extraction nearly put me in traction

Dharmabum's:
They put me in an ambulance,
All covered up in poo,
To make it worse I had to wear,
A toilet seat tu tu.


AND
Amergin's:
I had to burp when I got a little soused
The burp caught afire and burned down my house


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 07:37 PM

Man, two excrement song challenges back-to-back? I'm not sure I like where this is going...

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Bradypus
Date: 01 Jul 00 - 07:40 PM

We seem to go through phases - animals, alcohol and now the current phase - I'm sure it will pass.

Bradypus


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Amergin
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 03:14 AM


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Bradypus
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 07:08 PM

The construction is perhaps more French than American, but I won't let the facts get in the way of the song ...

Tune is 'Big Bad John'Deep Deep John

Every year at the park you can see them arrive
They start at nine a.m, and leave at two forty-five
They bring the special tools, perfectly equipped
With everything you need to dig a latrine pit
They dig a john
(Deep, deep john)

And every year that comes, the story's just the same
So it seems perhaps that poor design's to blame
Some poor guy comes in, with pants around his knees
And before you know it, he has lost his keys
In the john
(Deep, deep john)

It's a long way down, further than you'd wish
So you find a stick, and you start to fish
But you can't catch keys on the end of a pole
So they still lying there, at the bottom of the hole
In the john
(Deep, deep john)

You can stick your feet in, wiggle them around
And hope somehow that the keys will be found
But things get worse the more you move your toes
For the horrid smell gets right up your nose
From the john
(Deep, deep john)

If you're really desperate, when you've sworn and cursed
Your final ploy is to go in head first
Someone holds your ankles while you move your arms
That's the best way yet to enjoy the charms
Of the john
(Deep deep john)

Every year at the park you can hear them arrive
With sirens blaring, at a quarter past five
It's the local cops, who with any luck
Will rescue the poor sucker who got stuck
In the john
(Deep, deep john)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Jul 00 - 08:39 PM

And to think I was worried when Aine was in her fire mode! Where is this headed? Right down the porcelain facility, of course.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 09:58 AM

*applause* Having spent the entire weekend dealing with porta-potties these are hilarious!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 10:05 AM

That's too funny! I don't have anything to contribute, except to say that we living history people have a close, personal relationship with those blue boxes. But not THAT close!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 11:15 AM

My dear Bradypus -- that has to be one of your best yet!! I'll never be able to keep a straight face when I hear BBJ from now on, although I ususally grinned a bit anyway to tell the truth...

And Sinsull, don't worry, we'll be heading 'up north' and 'getting wet' for the next Challenge! (and that's all the hints you're getting)...

Come on now, we can have a couple more for this one, can't we?? Or have your tanks been totally drained??

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 11:52 AM

I'm reminded of a song that Watt Nicol or Matt McGinn used to sing:

How they tittered, how they chaffed.
How all the plumbers and the joiners laughed
When they saw a young girl/man jammed
Like a plug in the seat of a lavatory pan....


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:16 PM

Good one, Scabby Doug! Keep going, I'd love to see some more!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Jul 00 - 02:49 PM


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 04 Jul 00 - 03:18 PM

I suppose y'all got used up on Part 30, since we didn't have many entries for Part 31. Just remember, a Song Challenge! is never over -- so if you 'feel the need' to write a 'toilet tutu' song, go for it!

Now, the usual Congrats, Cudos, and Thanks to those of you who entered this Challenge! Here are the results, and long may your individual Port-O-Potties wave!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Last Thing On My Mind by Amergin
Love's Final Stand by JenEllen

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Deep, Deep John by Bradypus
The House Of The Rising Tide by Dharmabum

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon:
Worried Man Blues by Amergin

We've got a refreshing Challenge! coming up next, so keep your eyes peeled!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jul 00 - 07:15 AM

Well!!!!

We didn't know this challenge had ended, so there we were, me and hardiman, two of our community's FINEST and MOST UPSTANDING citizens, after the fireworks last night in the park, SURROUNDED by the rest of the finest and upstanding as they were packing up their kids, dogs, and beer coolers, singing "Dipped in Shit and Coated With a Thin Candy Shell" (blues)....

And now, not only can I not remember what we sang, to post it, it's over anyhow!

Corrupting us for nothing!

Ah, it was sweet. I only wish you all could have been there to sing yours.

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Naemanson
Date: 05 Jul 00 - 11:04 AM

Sorry I'm late but I was busy falling in love this weekend.

The Miser And The John (To the tune of: SHOALS OF HERRING)

Well I am a jogger and a running man As it's through the park I'm bearing Saw the john and felt the urge Knew my bowels I had to purge, Now it's a toilet seat I'm wearing,

I stepped in side and turned to drop my pants And crouched to perch upon the hole But my change fell out With my pocket inside out And a quarter tumbled down below.

Now good money is nothing to sneeze at I'm sure you would agree sir. But to wade in piss and shit Needs better reason than two bits So inside I tossed my car keys sir.

My plan was sound my reasoning secure I needed the keys for my new Lexus. So I stepped into the hole But slipped and fell below Wedged in the seat that protects us.

I could not move I could not turn, My goods I could not reach, sir So I called for help Hollared bawled and yelped Till children told their mother

Now once again I am a free man, Out of that awful water I have my keys And drive where I please, But I didn't get my quarter.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 09:48 AM

*refresh* (okay, so it's not the most refreshing thread!)

Since we're on the subject of toilets in SONG CHALLENGE! - part 64, I thought I'd hearken back to this story...


A SCREAM, AS YOU SQUISH, YOUR THROAT MAKES
(Tune: "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from Walt Disney's CINDERELLA, 1950)

A scream, as you squish, your throat makes
When your ass you see
In steamy brown ooze; your bloat breaks
The john as you fish for your key.

Have faith in your screams, that some way
Policemen will come, saving you.
No matter how your bloat they're heaving,
If you keep on retrieving
The key, man, you'll squish there anew.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: MMario
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 10:21 AM

You have to love a woman with a mind that can produce the above.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 10:26 AM

Gawd, I wish SOMEbody would!!! I'd be embarrassed to tell ya when I last had an S.O. ...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 11:03 AM

{t:Stuck in a Toilet with Pooh} {c:Verse 1:} Am I stupid that I got in this mess?
I gotta tell you that the answer is yes
In excrement to way passed my feet
And I wish that I'd lifted my seat
Children they laugh at me
Cops laughing too, here I am
Stuck in a toilet with pooh
{c:Verse 2:}
Yes I'm stuck Stuck in a toilet with pooh
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
I wish you'd wipe that smirk off your face
I'm in a real S**ty place
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place
Children they laugh at me
Police laughing too, here I am
Stuck in a toilet with pooh

{c:Bridge:}
Well it started when my key slipped and I tried to get em back from the can
To the Kids, I have been yelling , to find someone to save me
Please.... Please.....

{c:Verse 3:}
Trying to expain it all of it
But no good explaination will fit
Trying to get the keys they will grant
then they ask me why I took off my pants
Children they laugh at me
Police laughing too, here I am
Stuck in a toilet with pooh


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Amos
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 04:13 PM

It's dark as a dungeon, it's damp as a stew,
Where the odor is awful, and the texture is too,
Where visions of virii make the bravest to moan,
Oh, its dark as a dungeon down under the throne!!

line breaks added by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Trapper
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 04:41 PM

Oh man! I CAN'T keep up this pace! Can we SLOW DOWN this catch-up process please, or do we have to make up all this homework in one day????

- Al

STUCK IN THE BALLPARK LOO
Tune: Bottomless Lake
New words by Al Boyce 8/16/2001


Here's a story of a man and his car keys
And a big fall that they took
Into the bottom of a baseball park outhouse
And the extrication steps by the book
There were kids, the cops and fire department
The EMTs and ambulance crew
All a-pushin' and a-pullin' and a strugglin'
To free the man stuck in the baseball park loo

CHORUS
I got stuck goin' down, down to the bottom
Of a hole in the ground, got stuck before I got 'em
It smells so bad I can hardly breathe
I may never see my car keys again!

The children heard the screaming from the outhouse
And to investigate they got there at last
Opened up the door and there they found him
Stuck to his waist inside the toilet seat fast
His pants and undies lying on the floor there
And he'd even taken off both his shoes
Hoping to drop down and get his car keys
From the bottom of the baseball park loo

As soon as they recovered from their laughter
The kids ran home and called up the cops
Sirens blaring, the police and paramedics
And the firemen rushed in to show their chops.
Pushin' and a-pullin' and a-strugglin'
Jacks and crowbars and the Jaws Of Life too
And after seven hours, they succeeded
To free the man stuck in the baseball park loo!

Everyone was yelling and a-cheering
The man even fished his car keys out
But laying right beside them was a sandwich,
He said, "That's what this mess was all about.
While peeing, I screwed up and dropped my hoagie
Into the bottom of the ballpark loo.
Not wanting to go down for JUST my dinner,
I thought I'd throw my keys down there too!"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Trapper
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 04:44 PM

Duh! This would have been a GREAT one for EDDIE CATCHA COOTCHA CATCHA TOSANERA TOSANOKA SAMA CAMA WACKY BROWN!

Next time!

- Al


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 05:00 PM

Good song trapper. I agree that a break is in order.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 08:42 PM


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Áine
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:06 AM

A Break?!? -- I'd love one, guys . . . I'm beginning to feel like the tigers that chased each other around the tree and melted into butter -- Please, please, give me a day or two to catch up with and post all your wonderful 'late-but-great' entries, OK? Even goddesses have lives off-line, ya know. ;-)

That said, here are the latest awards for this Challenge!, all of which prove that a great song idea never goes 'stale' . . .

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

A Scream, As You Squish, Your Throat Makes by SharonA

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Stuck in a Toilet with Pooh by Jack the Sailor
Stuck in the Ballpark Loo by Trapper

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: SharonA
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:30 AM

Thanks, Áine! Sorry again for my earlier impatience (I'll be in the "time out" corner if anybody asks). Take all the time you wish, and enjoy!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Deda
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:03 PM

Damnit to hell it's dark in here, au secours! Damnit to hell it's rank in here, au secours! Damnit to hell it's rank, it stinks, I wanna get out, I need a drink. Stinky-dinky au secours.

(At 3 or 4AM there was another verse, undoubtedly brilliant,but it has fled. If it ever returns I'll let you know.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 03 Sep 01 - 09:43 AM

A parody of Highway Patrolman by Bruce Springsteen

My name's Joe Roberts, I work for the state
A Sergeant out by Huntingdon, posted there of late
Huntingdon Valley's a quiet town, normality's the rule
So when we get an incident, we tend to think it's cool

Round about two-thirty – shortly after lunch –
Got a call on the short wave – seemed there'd been a bunch
Of trouble at the playing fields, sounded like some man
Had got himself locked in, while visiting the can

Me and Frankie out laughing and drinking
Nothing feels better than blood on blood
Taking turns dancing with Maria
While the band plays "Night of the Johnstown Flood"
I'd patch him up when he'd banged his head
Or walked into a pole
Got caught up on some barbed-wire
Or fell into a hole

Ever since I can remember, I've been messed about
Frankie'd have an accident, I'd have to help him out
For he was prone to accidents, a walking danger zone
And I'd be called to assist him when we both lived at home

This constant need for succour, caused me to move away
I moved to Pennsylvania (shortened to PA)
And here I live in Huntigndon, I feel my life's my own
Occasionally hear from Frankie on the telephone

Me and Frankie out laughing and drinking
Nothing feels better than blood on blood
Taking turns dancing with Maria
While the band plays "Night of the Johnstown Flood"
I'd take him to the hospital
To have his lesions stitched
If he fell through a window
Or into a drainage ditch

I arrived in my police car down at the playing fields
The crowd of people parted as I landed on the scene
But when I saw the victim, I almost turned and ran
It was my brother Frankie wedged into the can

Good to see you Joe, he said, here we go again
Had a spot of bother, in a bit of pain
Gonna need some help, he said, I'm truly sorry, bro'
I'm so pleased to see you – so pleased, you'll never know

Me and Frankie out laughing and drinking
Nothing feels better than blood on blood
Taking turns dancing with Maria
While the band plays "Night of the Johnstown Flood"
I had to learn first aid techniques
To help him stay alive
Held his hand and soothed him
Till the ambulance arrived

Joe, he said, I missed you - I missed you a lot
I thought about it constantly and hatched a cunning plot
I know you think that I am just, a clumsy awkward jerk
And so I planned to get here while you were still at work

Arriving into Huntingdon, I felt the need to pee
Saw a public lavtaory, down by the playing fields
But somehow in the process, 'fraid I dropped my keys
In attempting rescue, begat the mess you see

Me and Frankie out laughing and drinking
Nothing feels better than blood on blood
Taking turns dancing with Maria
While the band plays "Night of the Johnstown Flood"
I'd bandage up his injuries
And bathe and dress his wounds
Couldn't get away from him
A moment too soon

I looked long and hard at Frankie, he was truly in the shit
I knew he needed lots of help to get him out of it
And my heart – grown once so hard to him – was softened by his plight
"Take my hand, my brother, and hold on to me tight"

I pulled and hauled and tugged, it seemed that Frankie was wedged fast
But then he gave a little, soon the danger point was passed
And I called Frankie "brother" and called me "Brother Joe"
We kissed and hugged each other, tears of joy did flow

Me and Frankie out laughing and drinking
Nothing feels better than blood on blood
Taking turns dancing with Maria
While the band plays "Night of the Johnstown Flood"
I'd get him out of trouble
And then I'd set his bones
Poor old brother Frankie
Was very accident prone


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 01 - 10:45 AM

Derry, that was AWESOME!!! Great song. And more so to see a silly bathroom joke elevated to a touching ballad on brotherly love!!

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 31
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 03 Sep 01 - 11:40 AM

Amos ...

Thanks ...


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