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Divorce Music (songs)
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Subject: Divorce Music From: bflat Date: 01 Jul 00 - 11:10 PM Sometimes it becomes necessary for a person to stand alone after many years of marriage and say I must become my own person. It is not because the spouse is without redeeming qualities but it is the only option left to the other person if he is to remain an intact person. And music can help especially if it has been an integral part of one partners' life. Can you help with some song titles that may be soothing during this transition? I would appreciate the musical sustenance.
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Amergin Date: 01 Jul 00 - 11:14 PM HARRY'S WIFE by Eric Bogle. Don't have lyrics to it though. I have a friend who's leaving her husband and when I played that song on the stereo her face lit up... so I guess there's something to it.... Amergin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: WyoWoman Date: 02 Jul 00 - 01:16 AM "ARE YOU TIRED OF ME, [MY] DARLING?" or maybe "HIT THE ROAD, JACK," depending, of course on whether you've reached the anger part of the grieving process... I know it's not folk, but Tom Waits' earlier stuff is pretty darned good for -- not necessarily soothing your emotions, but reflecting them when you're in that poignant, deep-blue, gritty funk that accompanies such emotional upheaval. I also favor taking long drives with Schubert's Mass #2 in G major blasting away. Sort of helps put it all in perspective ... I'll be interested to see what posts get added. This is sort of a hole in my folk cloak ... WW |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: GUEST,dbugajski@juno.com Date: 02 Jul 00 - 04:34 AM My current favorite is on my way (or maybe it's called I'M NOT RUNNING ANYMORE) by John Mellencamp |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: SeanM Date: 02 Jul 00 - 05:36 AM "SAD SONGS AND WALTZES"... I believe it's Willie Nelson, though I'm incredibly willing to be corrected. M |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: gillymor Date: 02 Jul 00 - 08:54 AM Emmylou Harris did a beautiful and sad song called "IN MY DREAMS" that helped me through the breakup of my marriage, although I find it a tad self-pitying. Richard Thompson did a great country song called "KEEP YOUR DISTANCE" that sounded like he was writing my life. Chin Up, Frankie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: kendall Date: 02 Jul 00 - 09:06 AM "I GOT SICK OF YOU SOME TIME AGO" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: katlaughing Date: 02 Jul 00 - 09:37 AM There is that one by Eric Clapton on his "Backless" album, sorry I don't have it to hand, that has a great tune and words some of which are, "I don't care."..something, something, then "'cause I don't love you and you don't love me." [=PROMISES] I'll look up the title today and post it. Have you heard Mudcatter Paul G.'s song, "SAILS AGAINST THE WIND?" I think it would be a pretty nice one for this kind of situation. Let me know if you'd like to hear it and I can send you a midi or you could come into HearMe sometime and I could sing it for you. kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Morticia Date: 02 Jul 00 - 11:01 AM SOLO by Sandy Denny has always been a comfort to me |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Liz the Squeak Date: 02 Jul 00 - 03:16 PM The perennial 'HERE'S A QUARTER (CALL SOMEONE WHO CARES)' - or the Corrs 'I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY'. Both great for those more ... acerbic separations. For the softer side, there's... No, sorry, I don't have a softer side... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Margaret V Date: 02 Jul 00 - 03:24 PM How about Merle Haggard's "I CAN'T BE MYSELF"? Certainly one of the most beautiful songs that captures the sentiment (though not the intent to separate) is Lucinda Williams' "SIDE OF THE ROAD." Heal well, bflat. Margaret |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: bflat Date: 02 Jul 00 - 09:21 PM With a grateful heart, Thank You. |
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Subject: Lyr Add: BETTER OFF WITHOUT A WIFE (Tom Waits) From: flattop Date: 02 Jul 00 - 09:38 PM This may have been one of the songs that WyoWoman had in mind. BETTER OFF WITHOUT A WIFE by Tom Waits all my friends are married every Tom and Dick and Harry you must be strong to go it alone here's to the bachelors and the bowery bums and those who feel that they're the ones who are better off without a wife I like to sleep until the crack of noon midnight howlin' at the moon goin' out when I wanto, comin' home when I please I don't have to ask permission if I want to go out fishing and I never have to ask for the keys never been no Valentino had a girl who lived in Reno left me for a trumpet player didn't get me down he was wanted for assault though he said it weren't his fault well the coppers rode him right out of town sleeping until the crack of noon midnight howlin' at the moon goin' out when I wanto, comin' home when I please don't have to ask permission if I want to go out fishing and I never have to ask for the keys selfish about my privacy as long as I can be with me we get along so well I can't believe I love to chew the fat with folks and listen to all your dirty jokes I'm so thankful for these friends I do receive This song had a great talking intro on the album about dating himself, taking himself up to his room, showing himself some dirty magazines and taking advantage of himself but not being weird about it. -- PA -- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: flattop Date: 02 Jul 00 - 09:39 PM Well the formatting didn't work. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Mrrzy Date: 02 Jul 00 - 10:20 PM Bflat, check out the Bummed Out And Singing Anyway thread, it's one I started in a similar spot and it has all kinds of great music on it... and best of luck and soft shoes for your hard road, -Mrr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: WyoWoman Date: 02 Jul 00 - 11:54 PM Flattop -- yes, yes. I remember that monologue.That's a great one. the song that always makes me cry is "MARTHA," [by Tim Buckley] with the lyrics, "Those were days of roses, of poetry and prose and, Martha, all I had was you and all you had was me ..." And it ALWAYS, every time without fail, brings to mind this image of the odd little apartment where my kids' dad was living when we met in college and that first passion-drenched summer we spent so in love and lust with each other we could barely come up for air. Isn't it simply amazing how relationships can start out with so much ooompfhand end up just goingfzzzzztttt?But at least for a while, it was sweet, and it does provide me with lovely, poignant memories... ww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: katlaughing Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:09 AM Ah....that is poignant, WW... How about Greg Brown's "JUST BY MYSELF" and "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A NICE DAY?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Roger in Baltimore Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:21 AM I think it's Lynn Morris who wrote a song whose idea is "everybody hates country music, that is until they go through a divorce." I'll go look it up on Cowpie. Big RiB |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: flattop Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:22 AM I don't remember your Martha song, WyoWoman. Was it on the same album? I bought two Waits albums looking for a song that Margie Gilles danced to. I didn't find the song and didn't like either album a lot so I gave them away. Sounds like you got more out of his songs than I did. Strange. I thought he was funny at times. I don't think any of his songs reminded me of your kid's dad or that first summer you had together. Your message touched me though.
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Mark Cohen Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:45 AM bflat, this may not be true for anybody but me, but I've found myself singing love songs a lot. I think the reason is that I lived through eight years of a marriage in which my wife told me all our problems were my fault, and I had just little enough self-esteem to think she was right. After about a year of painful simmering crisis, during which I tried as hard as I could to make things work, she finally took the kids to the Mainland for a family emergency and then called to tell me she wasn't coming back. That was last November, and a month later I filed for divorce, which pissed her off no end. But what I discovered was that I AM the good and strong person that I always wished I was but thought I couldn't be. So songs about real love (not flash-in-the-pan projected lust) and real people now ring true for me. Like Stan Rogers' "LIES" and "FORTY-FIVE YEARS", Gordon Bok's "A TUNE FOR NOVEMBER", Bill Staines' "THE ROSEVILLE FAIR", etc. Even though I'm living by myself now, I have friends and music, and a beautiful daughter (who I hope I'll be seeing more often soon) and I know that I have the ability to love if the opportunity arises. Good luck, my friend, and keep on singing. Aloha, Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: WyoWoman Date: 03 Jul 00 - 01:13 AM Yeah. The scraping-yourself-up-off-the-pavement part of the program is the hardest part. It does get better, with the passage of time and lots of long, hot baths (is this a chick thing?). And even if it's a fairly amicable divorce and you mutually agree it's the best thing, it still is deeply ouchy for a good, long while... Although I sort of think "amicable divorce" is more hope than reality... Flattop -- I think it was on a compilation CD I have. I agree that some of his work doesn't strike any particularly poignant chords in me (Rain Dogs, for instance) but some, like "(LOOKING FOR) THE HEART OF SATURDAY NIGHT," are just splendid... And as for them not reminding you of that hot, sultry Oklahoma summer -- well, alls I got to say is, ya shoulda been there... ww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: flattop Date: 03 Jul 00 - 01:51 AM Sorry I missed it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Mark Clark Date: 03 Jul 00 - 02:21 AM bflat, there's only one thing to do. Check yourself into the nearest saloon with a three-piece country band that takes requests. Stick with Maker's Mark, either straight up or on the rocks. Ask for "FOR THE GOOD TIMES," "D-I-V-O-R-C-E," then maybe "THE STREETS OF BALTIMORE," "THE RACE IS ON," and "GOLDEN RING." After those, see if they know any sad songs. Stick with it, you'll come out just fine. - Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: alison Date: 03 Jul 00 - 05:17 AM Loudon Wainwright III's slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: dwditty Date: 03 Jul 00 - 09:54 AM If you want a good cry, try Fred Koller's "LIFE AS WE KNEW IT (ENDED TODAY)" dw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: L R Mole Date: 03 Jul 00 - 10:56 AM Peter Allen: "I'D RATHER LEAVE WHILE I'M IN LOVE". If I were a piano guy and not guitar, I'd do more of his stuff. Or, as he'd say from the ivories, half-sympathy, half-kidding: "Ballad crowd, huh?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: pastorpest Date: 03 Jul 00 - 11:52 AM Leonard Cohen's "SO LONG, MARIANNE" and "(When You and I Were Young) MAGGIE" as sung by Jean Redpath (the couple do not stay together). Best wishes bflat! May you find abundant life in new ways. I have thought for a long time there need to be significant rituals to help people through divorce. Every other big change in a relationship has its rituals: birth, marriage, death. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Mrrzy Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:00 PM Ooh, I just LOVE Leonard Cohen when life sucks! Forgot all about him. But what if bflat doesn't want to wallow but kind of ride the storm? I will survive?? Anything else on that tone? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Willie-O Date: 03 Jul 00 - 12:40 PM When I feel like my long-term partnership is not in the best of health, I find myself pretty much involuntarily singing stuff like "SUMMER WAGES ", "ALCOHOL IN THE BLOODSTREAM" (another Ian Tyson song), "SHIVER ME TIMBERS," "BACHELOR'S HALL" (thanks again Rick) and rather sneakily the piano riff from "BETTER OFF WITHOUT A WIFE". It's kind of devious--gives some emotional release without having to actually get all first-person and direct about it. I can always say, "oh, I just _like_ that song." Bflat, I appreciate your words in the opening post. There are surely better times ahead. W-O |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: GUEST Date: 03 Jul 00 - 01:36 PM "LIQUOR, BEER, AND WINE" by the Reverend Horton Heat. It's got a good, honkey-tonk bounce to it, and although it's about a guy drowning his sorrows, it's also funny. And if you order now, you'll also receive this bonus, at no extra cost: It's easy to play along with...typical I-IV-V7 in the key of C, I think...C-F-G7. lyrics http://www.reverendhortonheat.com/new_start.html |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: GUEST,JMCC Date: 03 Jul 00 - 02:58 PM Nothing can beat "ONE CLEAR MOMENT" by Linda Thompson. Album released on WB after she and Richard split. Don't think it's out on CD, but believe me, it's worth tracking down. RT's answer "THE HAND OF KINDNESS" is available from Joe Boyd's label. love, John. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: bflat Date: 03 Jul 00 - 11:41 PM I'm compiling a list of the song title suggestions you have made. I'd like to create a tape for myself from an original recording, with as many of the songs found herein. No CD burning equipment around here. But I can tape from my CD player, so tape is best, greater portability. I never would have thought to includ many of songs found above, if it were not for the depth of all of you. Sincere thanks for your effort and especially your good wishes. This is a neat place to bare one's soul. Lots of support. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: katlaughing Date: 03 Jul 00 - 11:50 PM bflat, if you have any problems finding any of them, let us know. I could send you midis of the ones I mentioned or a tape, except for the Eric Clapton one I mentioned. The LP is buried behind some boxes at the moment. Can anyone remember the name of it? It's got a realy pretty melody. Hang in there and know we're all thinking of you....seems you have some pretty good insight...may it serve you well through such a major life change, been through it twice myself. kat
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: mg Date: 04 Jul 00 - 12:21 AM it's one thing to leave a partner you have gotten out of love with, or even grown to despise. it is another matter entirely to deprive the children of a parent by moving them far away or playing the tricks that people play so well. That is child abuse in my book, unless there is danger to the child. mg |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: JenEllen Date: 04 Jul 00 - 12:30 AM Big hug bflat, you're among friends. There was a time that I couldn't even listen to Mary Chapin-Carpenter's 'JUST BECAUSE' without bawling. Ended up taking the dog for LOTS of runs. How about songs like "I Don't Feel Like Crying Today" old 80's metal like "DON'T GO AWAY MAD (JUST GO AWAY)" Those always seem to help...~Elle |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Amergin Date: 04 Jul 00 - 01:04 AM Roy Clark's THANK GOD AND GREYHOUND (You're Gone) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: WyoWoman Date: 04 Jul 00 - 01:48 AM Ben Folds Five "I Want My Money Back ..." [=SONG FOR THE DUMPED]
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Lucius Date: 04 Jul 00 - 01:58 AM I've been in this neighboorhood. I usually end up humming "THE LAST TIME I SAW RICHARD "(Joni). Once my pain was gone, I could be amused by "HOW CAN I MISS YOU WHEN YOU WON'T GO AWAY" (Dan Hicks). Lucius |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: katlaughing Date: 04 Jul 00 - 06:07 AM bflat, take a gander at the words Bugsy posted of a song he did in HearMe, written by his friend Derek Brimstone, which is the title of the thread. Bugsy did a fine job of singing it and the words seem to be relevant, imo. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: gatyamgal Date: 04 Jul 00 - 06:37 AM Back when I got my divorce in 1988 there were several country songs that brought me comfort. Some titles I remember are Letters Home, Radio Heart, That's that, Life As We Knew It, Johnny Doesn't Love Here Anymore. But my favorite one was Everytime You Go Outside I Hope It Rains. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Bagpuss Date: 04 Jul 00 - 07:20 AM Its got to be D-I-V-O-R-C-E, the Billy Connolly version. If nothing else, I'm sure it will make you laugh. I was going to mention I Want My Money Back [=SONG FOR THE DUMPED] by Ben Folds Five, but someone beat me to it. Bagpuss |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: Callie Date: 04 Jul 00 - 09:35 AM Can't think of any uplifting ones, but there are plenty of sad ones about separation. My favourite ones are Elvis Costello's "Almost Blue" and "This House is Empty Now", and his cover of "A GOOD YEAR FOR THE ROSES". Then there's Charles Mingus' "Weird Nightmare", Richard Thompson's "WITHERED AND DIED", even the Bread song "Diary". And what about Burt Bacharach's "I'll Never Fall In Love Again". "Martha" is on Tom Waits' "Closing Time" record. Here is a great poem by Brian Patten, who even at his cheeriest knows that there's bound to be (half) a worm in even the sweetest apple!
THE AMBUSH When the face you swore never to forget Heal well bflat. Callie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: wysiwyg Date: 04 Jul 00 - 12:08 PM Well, there is a blues tune coming to mind but I can't track it down. The essence of the song is a recounting of some of the bad things the "missed" partner has done, and a wish for their return-- but then each verse ends-- "On second thought, baby, I think I'd rather have the blues!" For uplifting, Clint Black's "A BETTER MAN" "I'm leaving here a better man...." ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: wysiwyg Date: 04 Jul 00 - 12:11 PM ... conveniently posted at COWPIE: ~s~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: leprechaun Date: 04 Jul 00 - 12:27 PM Barry Manilow - any song - great incentive to heal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: sledge Date: 04 Jul 00 - 12:32 PM When needing wallow in self pity (as I have done myself a few years ago) try REM, every body hurts or Pearl jam's delight fully dark "Black". Take heart anyway, it does get better. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: GUEST,O'Carroll of the Midwest Date: 04 Jul 00 - 01:01 PM Just remember that everything you've done in the past has brought you to this point in your life and that from now on you can chart your course and aim for happiness. Try Cat Stevens "On the Road to Find Out". From this point on you can search for joy, fun, and follow the music to be your own destiny. ( I've heard the rumor that if you play the vinyl record backward, you can hear the words "kill Rushdie", but I think that's only rumor) If that doesn't work, try Dervish's "I Buried My Wife and Danced on Top of Her", adjusted for gender, of course. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: wysiwyg Date: 04 Jul 00 - 01:22 PM also see www.rc.org ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: GUEST,JMCC Date: 04 Jul 00 - 08:05 PM Forget wallowing,as Sledge proposes. Me, I go for vitriol. Some tracks from Linda Thompson's "One Clear Moment" appear on "Dreams Fly Away" (well, that title is a dead give away). "Talking like a Man", "Many Dreams Must Fly Away", Telling Me Lies" and One Clear Moment". Hannabal HNCD 1379. (? Rykodisc in USA). Personally I wrote "Do you lie awake at night, thinking of new ways to hurt me?". Vitriol on a stick. love, john. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Divorce Music From: WyoWoman Date: 04 Jul 00 - 11:13 PM Callie -- nice poem. I'm printing it out and putting it on my bulletin board...And thanks for the info on "Martha." Ya see, bflat? "There are sorrows to be healed, and mercies, mercies in this world..." WW |
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