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LAUGH OUT LOUD
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Subject: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: sledge Date: 15 Jul 00 - 10:39 AM I tend to read a lot, being away from home a lot I find it relaxing. Sometimes I get odd looks from my Co-workers because I will read a line that just oozes humour, intentionaly or otherwise. I am currently going through the Patrick O'Brian nautical books and was struck by the line: YOU HAVE DEBAUCHED MY SLOTH SIR. It paints a winderful picture, and even now, a week later giggles abound. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: kendall Date: 15 Jul 00 - 10:43 AM just dont put too fine a point on the cross catharpings.. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Big Mick Date: 15 Jul 00 - 10:51 AM I am getting pretty damn sick and tired of you folks posting or sending things that make me blow all manner of liquid out through my nose. Could have the decency to warn a fella not to drink things when reading these things!!!!!!!!!!! Over the last few days I have had Wyo Woman send me something that caused me to decorate my sinus cavities with perfectly good Guinness. And this morning I am sitting here with coffee in my mouth and this pops up. Sledge, that one goes on my wall. I love it. Mick |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Morticia Date: 15 Jul 00 - 11:19 AM I'd love to know the context but am afraid that would spoil it........I do this all the time, used to be awful when I was a commuter, I was nearly put off the train many a monday morning.One of my favourite quotes is from Puckoon by Spike Milligan......." When she saw a sign saying Members Only, she thought of him".Still makes me giggle which shows exactly the sense of humour I'm blessed with. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Jeri Date: 15 Jul 00 - 11:35 AM What quote Moricia? Don't you hate it when someone's in the same room as you, giggling over something they're reading? Them, "guffaw, chortle." Me, "What?" Them. "Oh, just something I read." Me "What, dammit?!" If it's really good, they might as well just read the whole thing aloud.
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Gervase Date: 15 Jul 00 - 11:54 AM I used to snort in public urinals - because on the cisterns of most of them was the ponderous ly scripted "Armitage Shanks". I vaguely knew an Armitage at school, and he was a po-faced disapproving soul at the best of times, so the thought of him secretly shanking, and having it proclaimed throughout every public bog in the land always made me outwardly smile. Awkward really, and it got me strange looks, but that risks thread creap to another topic entirely... |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Morticia Date: 15 Jul 00 - 12:27 PM I always want to write " Does He?" under Armitage Shanks ( bait taken, Gervase:)Jeri, if you go back I've named the book and author, if you haven't read it you should, it's a howl. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: sophocleese Date: 15 Jul 00 - 01:11 PM I remember a flight home from England when I was 15. I had a book of misprints and strange happenings and giggled my way across the Atlantic. Fellow passengers were a little disconcerted but didn't rip the book out of my hands. If you like laughing out loud you could try following the link I provided in the Foxy Song Challenge thread. I nearly wet myself laughing. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bill D Date: 15 Jul 00 - 01:39 PM On the bathroom wall at the Methodist Student Union at the Univ. of Kansas "Can a Metaphysican be sued for malpractice?" I giggled for days...and then there was THIS: I was reading the paper when I saw a little 'filler' article...I now quote it for you in it's entirety:
Elephant Goes Wild "An elephant hauling logs on the Nagampatam River in southern India suddenly went wild Saturday and trampled a man to death. Then it returned to its work" I read it, laughed for 20 minutes, cut it out, and DROVE around to friends houses showing it all afternoon. ummm...many of them did not see the point, but a few did. What?..You say YOU don't get it...*tsk* |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: kendall Date: 15 Jul 00 - 02:23 PM My uncle Ned joined the Baptist church when he saw the sign out front that said..THE END IS NEAR. After he became a member, they asked him to sign a 5 year pledge. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 Jul 00 - 03:43 PM HA!!!!! Gervase, I've always wondered what you were doing in that lavatory - now I know. I've always been a bit dubious about a type of deep blue glass known as 'Bristol ware'. The original smash and grab...... Spike Milligan seems to do that to people, I was asked to leave a railway carriage because I was laughing so hard over a section of 'Hitler, my part in his downfall' where Spike is describing the antics of one 'Plunger' Bailey.... ever seen a white eared elephant? LTS
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: sophocleese Date: 15 Jul 00 - 04:07 PM LTS, yes I have seen a white-eared elephant. I thought those books were meant to be read in private. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Helen Date: 16 Jul 00 - 01:43 AM I was reading an Asterix the Gaul book in the dentist's waiting room and I was giggling at it, especially the names of the characters. A young guy, about 18, saw me laughing and picked up another Asterix book and started reading it. He just kept reading it, looking at me strangely, reading a bit more, looking at me etc. The expression on his face was "What's so funny, I can't see anything funny, why are you laughing?" Helen |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Margo Date: 16 Jul 00 - 11:31 AM The books that had me laughing with tears were James Hariot's books about his being a vet in the Yorkshire dales. Not every story did that, but the one about the society lady who had a frisky boxer dog that had terrible gas or the description of a special suit that a vet had Harriot don just to hand him a tool had me crying with laughter! Margo |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Jul 00 - 11:57 AM Man this is great!!! I've had the reverse, in a way, of what Jeri mentioned. I read something that is cracking me up and I want to read it to someone and I can't do it because I'm busting a gut and can barely catch my breath, let alone read! The bathroom things really have cracked me up at times. The quality of graffitti has been consistently declining in the States to the point that these idiots can't even spell "fuck." Talk about an indictment of the educational system! The funniest thing I have ever seen in a john was in college....first floor of the main classroom building, end stall. The walls were tiled with small tiles with those tiny lines of grout in between. Someone with way too much time on their hands had written literally hundreds of limericks running both across and from top to bottom....and they were completely legible!!! Very tiny, precise, neat, printing with a very fine tip. The fact that no one ever cleaned it off in the years I was there was odd. I guess the janitorial staff was impressed too. I always thought they should put a sealer of some sort over it so that the guy who did it could come back years later and show his kids...."Here's what I did in college son." And just out of curiosity, how come you never hear about anyone being "bauched?" Spaw |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: kendall Date: 16 Jul 00 - 12:03 PM I saw this in the mens room at the track I hope I break even, I need the money. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bill D Date: 16 Jul 00 - 12:14 PM two more... at a pub in Lawrence KS.,(a university town)...a woman friend came back from the bathroom with a strange look on her face.."you know", she said, "I just saw the weirdest graffiti...right on the door-at eye level as I sat there, it said,""...I usually don't write on bathroom walls, but in this case I'll make an exception..""....for some reason, it cracked us up!..(well, maybe it WAS the cheap beer) on a freshly painted bathroom wall at the Washington Ethical Society, above the urinals... Tabula not-so-rasa the wall was soon covered in graffiti again... |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Jeri Date: 16 Jul 00 - 12:25 PM Morticia, I didn't mean to imply that you were sitting there giggling and not sharing - they were two separate thoughts. (I didn't see the quote before, and swear someone snuck it in there when I wasn't looking. Must find glasses. (Er, really must find brain, but glasses are easier.))
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Mrrzy Date: 16 Jul 00 - 01:56 PM 2 bumber stickers that made me pull over so I wouldn't laugh myself into a traffic accident: 1) In large block letters: I'M THE REAL FATHER (then in small letters underneath) Of Your Honor Roll Student. 2) God Was My Copilot- but then we flew into a mountain and I had to eat him! (with a little smiley face wiping its chin with a napkin no less). Others that were pretty funny: |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Micca Date: 16 Jul 00 - 02:26 PM The one I always liked was in the bogs of the Science faculty of a UK University and it was neatly printed above the bog roll holder and simply said " Sociology degrees please take one" |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: bbelle Date: 16 Jul 00 - 03:55 PM My niece just sent this to me and I thought I'd share. It still surprises me when she sends me stuff of an adult nature ... of course, she is married with two little boys ... but, still! It's not bathroom humor, but close enough, I suppose .. A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behing them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?, I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'." |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Allan C. Date: 17 Jul 00 - 10:05 AM In minuscule printing between the tiles at eye-level above a urinal: "look up". A few tiles further up was another "Look Up". Then again on the wall above the tiles and in larger print, "LOOK UP". On the ceiling, directly overhead was written, "Look down, man, you're pissing on your shoe!" This received my "Most Creative Bathroom Graffiti" award, but I never knew to whom I should give it. In a women's bathroom stall, (Back in the days when I was a janitor I got to see a lot of good stuff.) was written: "Adam was a rough draft". While we are still in bathrooms (and I can't remember how we got here in the first place!) I am reminded of a poster I used to have hanging in my bathroom. It was a Ziggy cartoon. He was sitting on the toilet and looking at an empty wiping paper roll. The thought-bubble over his head said: "Did you ever have one of those lives?" - It always made me laugh for some reason. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Mbo Date: 17 Jul 00 - 10:13 AM Written on a large toilet paper dispenser in the men's room "Hey, this is a new dispenser, so let's keep it clean and not write on it, ok?" --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Kim C Date: 17 Jul 00 - 11:38 AM I laugh out loud all the time. Mister and I frequently make jokes in the grocery aisles. One time we saw an ice cream called Medieval Madness. I said, what makes it medieval? Has it got severed heads in it? Plus I get a lot of funny e-mails from my pards, and half the time can't share them with my coworkers! I laugh pretty easily. It's hard to get Mister to howl, but he sure enough did when I told him Kendall's comment about his wife running up under the porch. (That made me laugh so hard I wasn't even making any noise.) |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bert Date: 17 Jul 00 - 11:52 AM Ah grafitti! 'Amo, Amas, Amattress.' and 'Martin Borman is the Queen Mother' For laughing out loud, 'Wilt' by Tom Sharpe has got to be a winner. The build up for the 'pork pie' incident is a masterpiece. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Jul 00 - 12:00 PM I'm with Bert. When I worked in London I had to stop reading any Tom Sharpe on the tube, my hysterical laughter kept emptying the carriage! RtS |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 17 Jul 00 - 12:00 PM I had a good laugh when my strait laced sister came out of the toilets in a posh eating establishment. She had her 5 year old daughter with her, who announced to everyone in the place(and it was busy) that her mummy had just bought a packet of fruity flavoured balloons from the machine on the wall in the toilet. Was my sisters face red.... Patrish |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: GUEST,Den at work Date: 17 Jul 00 - 12:14 PM I just finished reading "Finbar's Hotel" edited by Dermot Bolger and included the writing of Roddy Doyle and others. There was one fantastic description in it that went something like, "as he walked away, he looked like he was carrying all his loose change up his hole." I love Spike Milligan too and remember once in a phone interview someone said that he was a cult, to which Milligan replied I've always been a bit of a cult. Armitage Shanks, so thats what stunted his growth. Den (who should really be working, damn this mudcat) |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Morticia Date: 17 Jul 00 - 04:08 PM Best bumper sticker I ever saw was " IF you can read this, some bastard's stolen my caravan" , made me clutch bits of myself and howl right out in the street.Card shops are another place in which I make a holy show of myself, my SO won't go in with me anymore.......which leaves me pulling on the sleeves of total strangers, eyes streaming and wheezing " you've got to read this one". Occasions and Clintons have now put a poster up, refusing me admittance.......ah well. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Mrrzy Date: 17 Jul 00 - 04:31 PM OK, some more, from a flyer that was hanging around many offices around my firm: These are things you shouldn't say at work. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. Anyway, I've given you enough that you can probably find the rest of the sheet on the Internet, whence it likely came anyway. My personal fave is the medication one. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Midchuck Date: 17 Jul 00 - 04:43 PM In a truck stop john in Vermont:
Here I sit upon the pooper, The mens room at the Inn at Long Trail, which is the place to go in Rutland County for "Irish" bar music, has a dispensing machine, one side of which sells condoms, and the other, Tylenol. It always makes me wonder, if it gives you a headache, why do it? Peter. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Mrrzy Date: 17 Jul 00 - 04:55 PM I think the Tylenol is for the Not Tonight, Dear, I Have A Headache times (give the tylenol and that excuse goes *poof*) - and then the condoms, for after, if the tylenol worked? |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Steve Parkes Date: 18 Jul 00 - 08:17 AM Seen in a Gents' by my uncle in 1959: 1st graffitist I leap with glee, I jump for joy, Cos I was here before Kilroy! 2nd graffitist Sorry to spoil your little joke, I was here, but my pencil broke. (Signed) Kilroy 3rd graffitist While you are reading this you are piddling on your shoes And more recently, a couple of headlines in my local newspaper: Man dies waiting for bus I've been at that bus-stop myself a few times! Folksinger killed by Transvestite And I think I've been to that folk club! Steve |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bert Date: 18 Jul 00 - 10:31 AM Well done Steve! I was waiting to see who would be first to make a folksinger/song reference. I had this friend in England who couldn't walk (polio) They gave him an invalid car with a 'kick start'. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Jul 00 - 11:07 AM Hey Bert....I think I heard one of your songs the other day in the john at K-Mart!!! There was this thing on the wall and when you pushed the button, it played a 60 second clip of one of your songs. It was pretty neat because you could dry your hands at the same time!!! They had two of them and I think the other was a 60 second speech by George W. Bush Jr. Do you get royalties on that? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Catrin Date: 18 Jul 00 - 11:18 AM In a local pub - there is a sign above the sink saying saying 'please leave as you would like to find' Underneath somebody had written "sorry, don't do tiling!" Catrin |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bert Date: 18 Jul 00 - 11:22 AM Spaw! It's one thing to liken my songs to a load of hot air but It's REALLY, REALLY nasty of you to mention them in the same breath as George Junior. They may be bad but they're not dishonest. I'm gonna get YOU for that! Bert. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Jul 00 - 11:26 AM yeah.......I know...... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 19 Jul 00 - 01:57 AM Catspaw, on the subject of grout: the late-lamented Shannon Pub II in Rochester, NY had grout-graffitti in the men's room. Painstakingly written in tiny print, vertically And horizontally, on the grout were such gems as: Grout Balls of Fire, Catherine The Grout, Grout Fishing In America, Groutcho Marx, and so forth. Hundreds of them. Many's a time I stood there reading them with my head cocked awkwardly while pretending to pee long after I'd finished. All the best. Seamus |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jul 00 - 03:41 AM At the doctor's office blood lab: Bacteriology...where streaking is a tradition Lab techs make lovers better Infectious disease (techs?) do it with culture and senstitivity (sorry, can't read the note I scribbled while there) Support Bacteria...it's the only culture some people have
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jul 00 - 02:01 PM QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:
The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and "contraception."
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.
The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.
Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.
IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Mbo Date: 19 Jul 00 - 02:05 PM kat, that was more like "really stupid-out loud". |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jul 00 - 02:14 PM Well, I didn't write it, Mbo, and I thought it was pretty funny. Sorry if it offended you, darlin'... |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: MMario Date: 19 Jul 00 - 02:15 PM come one. EVEYONE knows deleted characters go to NYCFTTS. there's an entire wing there for them. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bert Date: 19 Jul 00 - 02:33 PM Actually, kat, all programmers know that they go into the 'bit bucket', which is why Mbo is so offended 'cos that's where he lives;-) |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Morticia Date: 19 Jul 00 - 02:41 PM brilliant, Kat, another one that had me laughing out loud.Oh yeah.....this place makes me do that to.....those responsible, you probably know who you are. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Catrin Date: 19 Jul 00 - 05:42 PM QUESTION: How many folksingers does it take to change a light bulb? ANSWER: Two - one to change the bulb and the other one to sing about how good the old one was. |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Susie Date: 20 Jul 00 - 02:31 AM I realised just how sleepy my new "home" town was when I first bought the local newspaper. The front page headline read: "TORTOISE ESCAPES".
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Liz the Squeak Date: 20 Jul 00 - 02:33 AM You had a tortoise? We had a full front page and 6 page expose on why the flowers had gone from the roundabout at the top of town once. LTS |
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Subject: RE: LAUGH OUT LOUD From: Bert Date: 20 Jul 00 - 11:18 AM And Liz lives in LONDON!!! |
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