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BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating
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Subject: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mrrzy Date: 23 Jul 00 - 01:43 PM Are there any, nowadays? Are they age-specific? Gender-specific? I mean things like who calls whom when and how long you wait before calling back and all that stuff that I've always understood to matter to Americans, from film and literature and listening to friends. At what point can you ask which personal questions? And so on. When I was a teenager and young adult overseas, I was in francophone places where dating rules were basically n/a, as people went out in groups, and couples formed and dissolved without all the hoohaw (as I perceived it) of American dating. So culturally, Americans are "not my tribe" and I feel as if I don't now the steps of my own species' mating dance.... As those of you who know me will surmise, I've gone from being Bummed (thanks in no small part to some of you!) to wondering how to go about what is next. I've never been a single adult in the US before... any information on the appropriate tribal rituals would be very much appreciated! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Sorcha Date: 23 Jul 00 - 01:54 PM Mrz, it's been 27 years since I was in the dating game, so I really don't know. Daughter Kate, 15, goes "out" with only 1 boy at a time, but it is serial monogomy. Each one seems to last less than 2 months. She has LOTS of male "buds", and everybody calls everybody."Hanging Out" in large groups seems acceptable, too. I don't know about sexual mores, anymore, and probably don't want to know..........(*BG*)Try just doing what you feel comfortable with, and glad you are feeling better! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 23 Jul 00 - 01:58 PM at my age, we have thrown all that gobbledegook out the window. I only date intelligent, independent women who firmly believe they are not bound by silly rules such as, Girls dont call boys.What a crock. If a woman doesn't call me, I surmise that she doesn't want to, because,if she does want to and fails to, she lacks the spunk that I find attractive. So, it wouldn't work anyway. Yes, I have been approached many times, and, I ALSO have the right to say, "No thanks." I'll tell you this much, women take rejection a hell of a lot harder than men do. Actually, my only problem is..I'm only attracted to interesting, independent women with high IQ's. The thing is, if they are smart enough to be attractive to me, they are also smart enough to avoid me! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Peter T. Date: 23 Jul 00 - 03:39 PM kendall, if you think women take rejection harder than men, you have obviously been way too successful for your own good. Mrrzy, according to a therapist friend of mine, money (how much you make or have), honestly discussed, is the last great taboo. Not having been a subject that ever interested me, I can't comment. The big absolutely unbreakable rule (all of my women friends have written this in lipstick on their foreheads) is NEVER NEVER say after the first date that you will phone the lady if you don't intend to. Say anything else: even say you are joining the French Foreign Legion. Do not promise to phone and don't. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Liz the Squeak Date: 23 Jul 00 - 03:48 PM I'll go with that - never make promises you don't intend to keep, height of bad manners and that. And don't forget, there are women out there who are just after a bit of gratuitous sex too. Men don't have the monopoly on that! Be honest, but don't declare all your intentions at once though, leave something for him to find out the next time.... Always make a friend first. That way, they quite often remain your friends after the gratuitous sex.... Plus you get to meet their freinds and that can lead anywhere! US rules are not written in stone, if you mention your previous lifestyle, you may get a nibble.... UK rules aren't - girls call guys, and vice versa (that's guys calling girls, rather than girls calling girls but hey, it's nearly the 21st Century.... go with it!) LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: jayohjo Date: 23 Jul 00 - 04:08 PM Wasn't there some book out in America called 'The Rules'? Or is that an urban myth? Full of tips on how to manipulate your man into proposing, etc. Any Americans wnt to inform me, correct me, whatever? jayohjo XX |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 23 Jul 00 - 04:27 PM A good way out is to say "We really dont have much in common do we?" notice the use of "WE" instead of "YOU" |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 23 Jul 00 - 04:54 PM Liz...name one!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: SINSULL Date: 23 Jul 00 - 05:33 PM I have at least two copies of the Rules here (both gifts) and anyone who wants them is welcome to them - a pile of crap. As I remember, one rule is NEVER to be the first to speak to a man on the street. I got a lecture from a firm Rule's believer for saying Good Morning to the super. She said it was unfeminine. Also, NEVER go out without fresh lipstick on. yesterday's undies are OK just don't forget the lipstick.
Kendall,
Mrrzy, |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mrrzy Date: 23 Jul 00 - 05:59 PM OK, then, thanks so far but I obviously need many, many more data... but en attendant, let's try the follow-up question about rebound relationships - do they ever last, or should they always be regarded as the bridge from {whatever drove you nuts about the prior one} to (achieving the state of not putting being with somebody above whom you're with}? My experience is #2, but I've never even come close to such a, well, eligible (to use a quaint unfashionable term) rebound...And what makes it follow-up is, are the Rules, or species-specific ritualistic courtship behaviors, whatever they are, different when on the rebound, or just one's priorities? |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: mg Date: 23 Jul 00 - 06:33 PM I think in this day and age you can't assume the other person is on the same page as you in these matters so you probably shouldn't go to far down the primrose path without declaring your intentions and finding out what his/hers are....and don't lead anyone on to thinking there is hope for marriage if that is not your desire or that intermediate relationships are o.k. with you if you really want marriage...and don't be afraid to say the word marriage if that is what you want...it's not clear whether you are male or female from your name but either way after a couple of casual dates be forthright and heck with those who don't like that.. mg |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST Date: 23 Jul 00 - 06:38 PM as far as I know - the only 'rule' that matters is honesty if I met someone who was upset because i did something that wasn't the 'done thing' - well I don't think i'd ever go out with someone like that Chill out, be yourself and be happy |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU Date: 23 Jul 00 - 06:40 PM Remember that commercial that used to come on TV, where the guy & girl are on a date, and she wants to know what his intentions are? And he pulls out an easel, a pointer, and charts that show his current salary, his income increase over the last 5 years, etc. and a computerized image of what their children might look like. It's hilarious! --Matt |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Irish sergeant Date: 23 Jul 00 - 06:53 PM I'm likely not going to be much help. I haven't dated in quite some tiime. I like being marrid to my wife. Above all else, be honest. Mutual respect is also imperitive other than that, I thought the rules disappeared. Nobody veer tells me anything... Neil |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST Date: 23 Jul 00 - 07:08 PM hey Sinsull..what did I say to earn the label, "Arrogant Bastard?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST,kendall Date: 23 Jul 00 - 07:09 PM thats arrogant s.o.b... |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST Date: 23 Jul 00 - 07:11 PM kendall, being arrogant is probably the main reason... |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 23 Jul 00 - 08:43 PM thats just a word..explain.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: DougR Date: 23 Jul 00 - 11:14 PM After 48 years of marriage, and one year of widowhood (if that's a word)I find that I am a bit apprehensive. I cannot even imagine starting over as we did it in the 1950s. Some of you may wonder why anyone at my age would even bother, but one does wish for someone to be with, to communicate and even love, even at an advanced age. A few moments after being told that my wife died, I turned to my son and said, "My life has totally changed." I never knew how much it would. I'm scared to death to get back into the dating game and all the games people play. However, I'm gonna do it! DougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Sorcha Date: 23 Jul 00 - 11:21 PM For Doug--perhaps the best thing for you is just to let it come naturally, and not go "looking" for it. I know many people who have re-married very happily well into their 90's. I know others, including my Mom, who could not envision EVER being that intimate with anyone ever again. Good luck, both of you. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: alison Date: 23 Jul 00 - 11:51 PM Good luck Doug, My Mum died 6 years ago... and my Dad (early 60's)was so lonely... he didn't want anything complicated... just a friend that he could go places with so he didn't have to walk into places on his own, (all his other friends were couples).... he didn't go looking for someone but just started to go to social things.. like bowling clubs etc.... and he has met up with a lovely lady, (actully I have known her since I was a kid).... and they are having a great time.. started as friendship and built from there... he is so happy and I am delighted for him.... yes there are others who say, he should still be mourning... but... my mum isn't coming back and he has a lot of his life still to live (God willing)... and I want him to be happy... and I'm sure my mum would have wanted him to be happy too.... slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: DougR Date: 23 Jul 00 - 11:52 PM Sorcha: The more I thought about my posting, the more I realized that it really had nothing to do with the original question. I apologize to the mudcat family because it really doesn't. In response to the actual question: I haven't the foggiest! DpugR |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Joe Offer Date: 24 Jul 00 - 01:52 AM Yeah, Doug, but what you had to say was good, so don't worry about it. Well, heck, I've been single for over 7 years now, and I've been through three major romances since my divorce, but I sure haven't got the rules figured out. I got summarily dumped in May and I think it may be worse than a divorce - when you get divorced, you usually aren't madly in love. This was the first time I got involved with somebody I hadn't known before. I thought I followed the rules pretty well. Guess I should have read the writing on the wall. It seemed everything was wonderful, but she never seemed to be able to include me in her plans beyond next Tuesday. I wanted to buy season tickets to the summer theater, but couldn't get her to make a decision on that. Oh, well. If at first you don't succeed... -Joe- |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Peter Kasin Date: 24 Jul 00 - 02:38 AM I saw one of the authors of "The Rules" interviewed a few years ago on TV, and was disgusted. That book is a lesson in how to be manipulative. I much rather date women who treat men with kindness and honesty instead of according to those absurd rules. As for general rules for dating, I really don't have any, except my general rule of treating people with the respect that I would want to be treated with, and of not playing manipulative mind games. I go by the particular person and situation when figuring out the other stuff, such as until how late in the evening to call, how close or far to the screen to sit in a theatre, how soon, if at all, does it get romantic and sexual. I've seen various reactions from women when I offered to walk them to their car at night. Some are pleased with that, others have refused the offer with everything from laughter to disdain, so what one does during a date has to be worked out according to the situation. Call me old-fashioned, but I will continue to offer women an escort to their cars at night, because it's what I believe a man should offer (Well, I guess that's a rule). But if the woman doesn't want that, I wouldn't press the issue. Lastly, from what I've seen of men and women, and in my own experience, I don't agree that women take rejection harder than men. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Sorcha Date: 24 Jul 00 - 02:43 AM Doug, see Joe's post, and alison's just after mine. I couldnt agree more. And NEVER apologize for Thread Creep!! Just do an ALERT!! LOL! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 24 Jul 00 - 07:57 AM key phrase here..mind games..I refuse to engage in any kind of silly dance. And, it has been my experience that grown women dont like them either. No my friends, the most important of all is honesty. You need not be brutal, just honest. But, people, being different, you will still, on occasion, encounter someone who really cant handle honesty. Then you might be accused of being ARROGANT! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Peter T. Date: 24 Jul 00 - 08:56 AM Mrrzy, the other thing I should mention, if you haven't headed out yet, is that it is very hard to get dates period when you get into your 40's, however great you may be -- I have no idea how old you are -- unless you have a very, very active extroverted social life. This is a sociological fact you have to put up with, and nothing personal. The easy opportunities provided by university or whatever dry up -- partly because all your friends now tend to be married, so the floating "hanging out with" population of potential partners of the other sex disappears, and there are complications about dating people at work. This is the major complaint of my unmarried acquaintances, male and female, beautiful, rich, and not quite so beautiful and rich! yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Allan C. Date: 24 Jul 00 - 09:29 AM As it has been pointed out above in different ways, the rules seem to be mostly about either manipulating or allowing oneself to be manipulated. Neither appeals to me. I don't play games and don't like to be around those who do. As to the subject of rebounds: I am unaware of what the time frame is for labeling a post-relationship, relationship a rebound. Two months? Two years? I think it is all about where your head is when you find someone who interests you. A truly awesome experience is to find someone who will stay beside you while you figure out where your head is at. I have learned that while honesty is a great thing to share, it works even better when your partner (or potential partner) is in agreement (i.e., not put off or intimidated) with one great principle: Ask for what you want.
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: RichM Date: 24 Jul 00 - 09:32 AM When my wife died, in our 12th year of marriage, I figured that, at 42 I was too old and set in my ways to be serious with someone again....
The first person I dated afterwards,caused me a real problem: I fell madly in love with her. In fact, I told her that I wanted to live with and for her, for the rest of my life. She was shocked- and a bit panicked.
I told her it was alright if she didn't feel the same way, but that I wanted to be honest. As you can see, my dating skills were rusty.
She didn't stay my girlfriend for very long.
By the way, she didn't stay as girlfriend because,8 months later, I married her--and she's still around 15 years later. My wife, best friend, and musical partner. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Midchuck Date: 24 Jul 00 - 10:13 AM You have no idea how lucky this thread makes me feel, that I have held onto one woman for 33 years of marriage and 4 or 5 years of "dating" before that. I already felt lucky. This just made me feel more so. If she leaves now, or something happens to her, I don't think I'd even bother. Maybe go into sheep ranching. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST,Amos Date: 24 Jul 00 - 10:22 AM Peter, you stay away from them sheep!!!
I have no right to an opinion, but I will disregard that to offer this thought. Every connection between two people is an ongoing created thing, and doing by prefabricated rule-sets is already a risk. It starts to fade the moment it is no longer being created,on an ongoing basis. The only rules I can think of that work are (a) be honest (b) be kind (c) be willing for the other person to be who they really are and (d) be willing to experience anything evolving in the relationship (meaning, don't have hard and fast expectations about how it "should" be). The less opinionation and the more live communication, the more eternal the relationship becomes, IMHO. regards, Amos |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Grab Date: 24 Jul 00 - 10:26 AM Not sure what Kendall said to get flamed. Hey, if he's been approached by some lass trying to pick _him_ up, he's said no thanks and she's got all huffy, then that's a valid bit of info. Can't say that generalising for all women is valid, but anyway. A couple of my friends at uni were 'predatory' girls, and I have to say they'd have been surprised at getting turned down. Interested to hear about the Rules. I saw a thing about it on TV, and I was halfway between being pissing myself laughing and getting angry. In the UK we have something similar called Debrett's, which gives rules on etiquette (how to fold a napkin, even how to eat fruit!) which gets a similar reaction. I have to say, if the ppl thinking these Rules are so shallow they think men will only be attracted to surface stuff like that, then they're very sad. It may actually be a plan for finding someone for casual sex - surface stuff is fine for that - but for a relationship you can forget it. Grab. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST,Mrr-sans-cookie Date: 24 Jul 00 - 10:36 AM Midchuck, I'm glad for you - truly! Reminds me of when we used to take our twins out when they were small, to restaurants and suchlike, and people struggling with their one child would all suddenly feel SO much better that at least they only had one! DougR, best of luck - what I did was join the Alliance Française here in Cville, where I have met several nice people, including the one who sparked my starting this thread. Who had basically joined the same club for the same reason, to meet people. This is also one of the reasons I joined the Mudcat - I'd never joined a social club before, and wanted a "dry run" - and I liked the people I've "met" "here" so much, it gave me the courage to join this other club where I'd actually have to see people, and have them see me. I think the Mudcat just helped me relax when attempting, for the first time in 10+ years, to develop any friendship outside my large family or small firm. Another Reason Why The Mudcat Is For Me. However, although I thank you all for your advice and wish I dared follow it, I still have fear of honesty, because it is definitely my experience that Americans are weird and puritanical (IN GENERAL, THOSE I'VE MET, HEDGE HEDGE HEDGE - I SAID MY "EXPERIENCE") about s*x. And if I come out of that closet and let the other person know just how very very much I'd like to jump straight in the sack and figure the rest of it out later, the other will run away in fear. So I do find myself being cagey... since I don't consider it dishonest to hide SOME of one's feelings... I haven't lied about anything yet, I just avoid asking anything that smacks of assuming anything for the future ("taking for granted") despite the fact that I DO assume - is that dishonest? Not in my ethos - what about yours? And I have to find out if this one sings or plays or anything - I already know about the gourmet cooking AND NO YOU CAN'T, HANDS OFF THIS ONE PLEASE! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: SINSULL Date: 24 Jul 00 - 10:57 AM I forget! Please forgive me! You couldn't see my sly grin. I DID NOT FLAME KENDALL!
I was teasing. Shame on me.
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia. Date: 24 Jul 00 - 11:28 AM Yeah, never could get comfortable with the American Rules of Dating - month, day and year. A very cock-eyed progression for time. Regards / JG / FME |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Susan from California Date: 24 Jul 00 - 11:47 AM Mrzzy---I think it is kind of understood that s*x is something dating partners want, so you don't have to be "in your face" honest about that part! But in general I would say the honesty stuff is crucial. There are just delicate ways to do it. My sweetie and I had been friends for a few months, so by the time we actually started dating honest sharing was natural. I told him after a week of dating that I wanted to have his children. He didn't run for the hills, we just waited a couple of years...we are still honestly sharing and growing together. And this was after a nasty divorce, and this IS my rebound relationship. There is hope-lots of it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mrrzy Date: 24 Jul 00 - 11:59 AM OOh, SfromC, thanks for the hopes for rebounds not coming back down necessarily! I would like to hear from other foreigners who've tried to date Americans... whether day first or month first, LOL! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mrrzy Date: 24 Jul 00 - 11:59 AM OOh, SfromC, thanks for the hopes for rebounds not coming back down necessarily! I would like to hear from other foreigners who've tried to date Americans... whether day first or month first, LOL! |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mrrzy Date: 24 Jul 00 - 12:00 PM Aha, it told me it hadn't sumbitted so I clicked Submit again. Shouldn't have listened... |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mbo Date: 24 Jul 00 - 12:06 PM You guys are giving me such tremedous hope! --Matt |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 24 Jul 00 - 12:09 PM Oh hell, I didnt feel "Flamed". It sounded like an honest opinion to me..and I cant argue with what someone else sees. I was just curious to know what triggered that statement that I'm an arrogant s.o.b. I really shouldn't have said..women take rejection harder than men.. that was a generalization which I had no right to make. About a year ago, I answered an ad in the personals, and, in talking to the lady on the phone, she said, "I dont know about this, you sound very "Lberal" to me. I said, now I suppose you are going to tell me you are a republican? " "Yes I am", she said. "Oh great," says I.."Are you also going to tell me you play the Saxaphone?" "YES, I do." she said. Ordinarilly, that would tear the rag off the bush, but, we had coffee anyway, and have been friends ever since. I dont sing folk songs, and she doesn't play Saxaphone. We mostly argue politics. We have nothing in common except our love of an intelligent conversation. She has no desire to "sleep with me" but, I dont feel rejected. She has every right to feel that way, and so do I. (But, I'll bet she hands out more rejection slips than I do!!) Sinsull, I dont have a long history of rejecting women, but, it has happened, usually, when I was married. When I'm married, I will reject any approach. (By the way, I'm single right now) |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Amergin Date: 24 Jul 00 - 01:30 PM Here's a Rule: Never get so drunk you puke on yourself. It tends to turn women off for some reason... Amergin |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Mrrzy Date: 24 Jul 00 - 01:34 PM kendall, I took it as "in your experience" women take rejection harder, because I know that you are not a general generalizer, but you're right, you ought to have hedged. My personal experience is that AMERICAN men take rejection harder than anyone, other men, other women, etc. My experience is also that AMERICAN men, alone in the world, have trouble with ACCEPTANCE, too - ever hear of the Coolidge effect? Always seemed extreme to me... but I've never ruined a friendship by consummating it when no Americans were involved. This is why I am so nervous about this one... Also, I've checked around, and although there seems to be consensus on this forum about not telling them you're going to call if you're not, I am hearing the opposite, that I'll Call is EXACTLY what you say when you aren't going to... but I vote for honesty there. However: What is the exit line when you are at the tail end of a first date that you do NOT wish to have progress to a second one? That was nice, let's not do it again? Is there a polite exit from a failed date? |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Allan C. Date: 24 Jul 00 - 01:56 PM In my thinking, should the questions be asked, "Could I call you again?" or "There's something I think you'd enjoy going to next Tuesday night...blah, blah, blah." then you have your cue to say, "I had had such high hopes for our date tonight. I wish things could have gone differently. But unfortunately I didn't enjoy it as much as I had wanted. I thank you for thinking to ask me to join you tonight but I would prefer that this be our last date. If this invokes either pleading or gnashing of teeth, you say "I am sorry. This is how I feel and it is not open to further discussion. Goodnight." Well, at least that is how I remember it when I was on the receiving end...*G* |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: JenEllen Date: 24 Jul 00 - 02:10 PM The honesty is a big deal, and a lot of the time HOW you say it can tender WHAT you say. You aren't comfortable, not in your element, would rather be having orthodondic surgery...point is, you don't have to be cruel to get the idea across. As far as re-bounding goes, it doesn't have to be one, you know..*bg* If you approach it like it's doomed to fail, that this relationship is only transitory, 10 to 1 it will be. I guess the only thing I can add to this wealth of information, is have FUN. Something had to attract you to the person you are contemplating. Plan your first date as a short one, meet for coffee or something(no strings under the moonlight that way). And even if it turns out that you'd rather chew glass than date them again, at least you know, and it's only an hour or so out of your life.
I didn't read the rules book, but have gathered these from life and friends:
Take a deep breath luv, and dive in. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: kendall Date: 24 Jul 00 - 02:47 PM Just say "Thank you, I'm sorry we dont have more in common." I had a blind date some years ago, and, she invited me to lunch. I picked up the tab. In the parking lot we were discussing the rules for dates these days, and I said "Generally, the rule today seems to be, equality. If I invite you to lunch, I pick up the check. If you invite me, you pick it up.." she remembered that she had invited me, but that I picked up the chck, she said "Well ! I dont have a penis!" I replied "Well, I do, but, I've never tried to pay the check with it!" Naturally, I never saw her again. No sense of humor at all. A fatal flaw to me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Peter T. Date: 24 Jul 00 - 03:09 PM Mrrzy: best advice - forget Americans, try Canadians. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Little Neophyte Date: 24 Jul 00 - 03:24 PM Mrrzy, I'm not sure if this falls in the rule books but I feel it is important to just Be Yourself. The best way to ease the conversation all around is if you are relaxed and feeling comfortable. That way being honest, or finding the right words to express what you want to say may come easier. Amos has some very good points too. Avoid putting 'a frame' around the person. It helps to be open to anything and avoid placing expectations or assumptions on the person. That way you will avoid setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are not feeling too disappointed but are just aware that this is not the person you wish to continue dating, then it might be easier to find a kinder way to express that. I am not sure if anyone can give you the perfect 'lines' to say to someone else. It is good to listen to suggestions but in the end, best the words come from you personally. The manual I try to follow is: Kindness, Honesty with Sensitivity and to Be Myself. Bonnie |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Liz the Squeak Date: 24 Jul 00 - 04:19 PM Amergin - extend that to 'never get so drunk you puke on your date either...' Been there, had that done, do you know how long it takes to wash dried puke out of hair that is nearly 3ft long......? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: NonMusic: American Rules of Dating From: Liz the Squeak Date: 24 Jul 00 - 04:20 PM And Kendall - I take the fifth on that one!! LTS |