Subject: The Natural Philosopher
From:
*Conrad Bladey Peasant-Inactive
Date: 30 Jul 00 - 01:39 PM
The Natural Philosopher
Or, The Downfall of the Learned Humbugs
Tune- Canny Newcassel Oh! hae ye not heard o' this wonderful man,
Perpetual Motion's inventer!
The Sun, Muin, and Stars are a' doon iv his plan,
But take time till it comes frae the prenter!
The last time he lectur'd he tell'd such a tale
'Bout Vibration, Air, and such matter;
He can prove that a washing-tub is not a pail,
And all Isac Newton's brains batter! Chorus
Then come, greate and sma', and hear the downfa'-
For a fa' down it will be for certain--
Of a' the wiseacres and gon'rals, an' a'
that dare to oppose the great Martin;
He'll settle their hash! their necks he will smash,
A' the College-bred gowks he will dazzel;
Ne mair shall false teachers o'er him cut a dash!
They are banish'd frae Canny Newcassel. He can prove that a turkey-cock is not a Turk!
That a 'tatie is not a pine-apple;
He likewise can prove that boil'd goose is not pork,
And a black horse is not a grey dapple.
A' what he can prove--a' what he can do,
And bother the gon'rals--the wad-be's;
He likewise can prove that a boot's not a shoe,
And his cane's not a sausage frae Mawbey's!* His Poems are sublime, tho' nyen o' them rhuyme--
Why ,he pays no attention to Morrow;**
Ne matter for that, still he makes them a ' chyme,
For he hasn't his phrases to borrow!
Then proceed, mighty man, propagating thy plan,
To enlighten this dark age of reason!
May it spread like a blaze, with thy eloquence fann'd--
To doubt it, I hold it sheer treason.
*A late famd Sausage-maker in the Old Flesh Market.
**Murrays Grammer -In: The Newcastle Song Book or Tyne-Side Songster., W&T Fordyce
Newcastle Upon Tyne.
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