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BS: All time classic jokes
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 15 Aug 00 - 06:25 AM .....and the Chinese girl said; "well you don't expect me to start cooking at this time of night". RtS (first line supplied in plain wrapper) |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Quincy Date: 15 Aug 00 - 06:10 AM Writing With Emotional Appeal There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages!
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Crazy Eddie Date: 15 Aug 00 - 03:10 AM A kid walks into a petshop, and says "I'd like to buy a pet wasp". The shop assistant says "Don't be smart kid, you know we don't sell wasps" "Sure you do", says the kid, " You had two in the window yesterday!"
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,WeeWillie Date: 14 Aug 00 - 11:43 PM The companion-piece to Lox's above is:
"I didn't know she was dead, I just assumed she was English" |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: mactheturk Date: 14 Aug 00 - 11:16 PM The devil approached the young lawyer and said: "If you will sell me your soul and the souls of all your family I will see to it that you are immediately made a partner in the law firm". The young lawyer paused for a moment then replied: "What's the catch?". |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: dwditty Date: 14 Aug 00 - 07:13 PM Col Sanders went to visit the Vatican. After a personal tour of the city by the Pope himself, he was so impressed that he told the Pope he wanted to donate $10,000,000 to the Pope's cause. Of course, he said there would be one condition. The Pope must agree to change the words from "Give us this day our daily bread." to "Give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope agreed and went off to meet with the Council of Cardinals. When they were gathered, he said, "Boys, I've got good news and bad news." They replied, "Let's have it." The Pope went on to say, "The good news is that Col. Sanders has agreed to give us $10,000,000." The Cardinals were ecstatic. "What is the bad news?" they asked. The Pope responded, "Well, we just lost the Wonder Bread account." |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bernard Date: 14 Aug 00 - 06:59 PM QUASIMODO'S STAND-IN (part 2) Undaunted, the dwarf's twin brother began his attempt, emulating Quasimodo's performance to the best of his ability. Unfortunately, he, too, misjudged a swing, and his face smacked into the side of a bell, rendering him unconscious. He, too, lost his grip on the rope, and fell to his death 100 feet below, alongside his deceased brother. A crowd gathered around the hapless corpses, and a concerned voice piped up: 'Who is he?' Does anyone know him?' A second voice ventured: 'I don't know… but he's a dead ringer for the other!'
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bernard Date: 14 Aug 00 - 06:55 PM QUASIMODO'S STAND-IN Quasimodo, the famous Hunchback of Notre Dame, was due for some leave. Unfortunately, he couldn't take time off unless he found a stand-in to do his job whilst he was sunning himself in the South of France. He put postcards in shop windows asking for volunteers, and eventually he was able to compile a shortlist of would-be campanologists. The shortlist was aptly named – there were only two applicants, twin brothers, and both dwarfs. He decided to try them out, to see how they fared. He took them up to the bell tower, and began his usual display of swinging from bell to bell, using the bell ropes in a Tarzan-like manner. Dwarf number one followed him, emulating his performance to the best of his ability. Unfortunately, he misjudged a swing, and his face smacked into the side of a bell, rendering him unconscious. This caused him to lose his grip on the rope, and he fell to his death 100 feet below. A crowd gathered around the hapless corpse, and a concerned voice piped up: 'Who is he?' Does anyone know him?' A second voice ventured: 'I don't know… but his face rings a bell!' |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Rana who SHOULD be working Date: 11 Aug 00 - 11:26 AM Heard a couple of versions of this, but this is the only one I have saved. I like it - hope it doesn't offend anybody. THE GREAT DEBATE - _____________________________ Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.
The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it was decided that this would be a "silent" debate.
On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and said, "I concede the debate. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay."
Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe, asking what happened. "Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me, 'You Jews have 3 days to clear out of here, and I say not one of us is leaving. Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared of Jews. So I said to him, 'Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews ... we stay right here!"
"And then?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe. "We broke for lunch."
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bert Date: 11 Aug 00 - 11:10 AM In the days of British rule, a young officer gets shipped out to India, straight from Sandhurst, as green as can be. He arrives at the camp and his fellow officers fill him in on all the local customs and warn him of the dangers to be found in the jungle. He asks about the deadly King Cobra and is told not to worry about cobras, they'll just pose and hiss but if you back away they'll just slink off into the jungle. They told him, however, that the Yellow Banded Crate is the snake to watch for. Very deadly and very agressive. and that if he sees one, his only chance is to grab it by the tail and quickly slide his other hand up it's body and grab it behind its head so that it can't bite. Well he goes off into the jungle and returns a while later, barely able to walk, clothes torn to shreds, blood everywhere. They give him a large brandy and when he has recovered enough to speak, they ask him "What the hell happened to you". He says "Well I was walking through the jungle and saw this King Cobra. I remembered what you said so I stepped back and, sure enough, it slid off into the jungle. I walked a little further and then I saw it - The Yellow Banded Crate - I was terrified. But I remembered what you had told me. So I grabbed it by the tail and quickly slid my other hand along its body, and,... . . . . . . . . . . ...Have You ever tried sticking your finger up a tiger's arse?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Naemanson Date: 10 Aug 00 - 11:08 PM Now I understand the radio joke. The light bulb flashed and I remembered my college days when the following joke was considered hilarious. Why does ice cream melt in a doghouse? Because a motorcycle has no doors! Of course it required an additional chemical enhancement to be funny but we always laughed. And yes, Mr. President, I did inhale! |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bill D Date: 10 Aug 00 - 11:03 PM I sort of thought the Polar bear jokes might be beyond you mere mortals...but look here..AFTER I posted them, I did a search... |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: MAG (inactive) Date: 10 Aug 00 - 10:52 PM Speaking of Marshall Dodge, there's the one about the guys up in a hot air balloon, and they get lost due to a strong wind (it's actually much longer, but you have to get the tape for that), and when they finally get close enough to the ground they ask someDownEast old codger where they are ... Up in a balloon ... ye damn fools. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Tone d' F Date: 10 Aug 00 - 09:16 PM horse goes into a bar and asks for a whiskey barman says we have a drink named after you what Eric says the horse steve not me |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Joerg Date: 10 Aug 00 - 09:07 PM ??????????????????????????? !
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Naemanson Date: 10 Aug 00 - 04:57 PM ??????????????????????????? |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bill D Date: 10 Aug 00 - 04:53 PM so, there's this Polar bear who pops up out of a hole in the ice and says "radio".... then there's a Polar bear taking a shower, and he calls to his wife.."Hey, honey...hand me the soap"....and she says "no soap, honey...radio!" and a Polar bear is driving along in his sports car, when he is stopped by a policeman.."Ok, buddy", says the cop, "let's see your license"...."Sorry officer, all I have is a radio" heard those first 25-30 years ago! |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Morticia Date: 10 Aug 00 - 03:07 PM Just got this by e-mail and had to share it with you...I thought it was priceless........ Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock > at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, > clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an > enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete > amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You > sign!" > Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. > Push off", and shuts the door in his face. > The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it,the > little > Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his > clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela > is > getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, > shouting: "Look, push off! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want > them!" > Then he slams the door in his face again. > The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears > a > knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little > Chinese man thrusts a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You > sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. > This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man > by > his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you > understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these > to?" > The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his > clipboard, and says: > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> (It's a beauty) > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> "You not Nissan Maindealer?" > > > > > > |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Irish Rover Date: 10 Aug 00 - 02:56 PM ta ta for now! |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Steve Parkes Date: 10 Aug 00 - 12:23 PM Thanks, Roger. For those who didn't know, "Y.T.Y.T.K." is the correct reply in polite circles to the question "What does 'T.T.F.N.' stand for?". God bless Mrs Handley's boy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 10 Aug 00 - 10:21 AM Steve, that last one first saw the light of day on ITMA I think (but, like you, I keep on repeatin' 'em!).As Arthur Askey used to say:"Every one a little gem!" Tara RtS |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Steve Parkes Date: 10 Aug 00 - 09:53 AM "And there's more..!" Victor Sylvester was trying to light a fire. The paper wouldn't catch, so he said to Florence, the maid, "Flo! Flo! Quick, quick, blow!". (If you need to have it explained, YTYTK (or not British)). |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Steve Parkes Date: 10 Aug 00 - 06:59 AM A man took Friday off work. The doorbell rang, and he went to answer it. When he came back his wife asked, "Who was at the door, dear?" "The milkman," he replied, "collecting his money. Do you know, the cheeky sod told me he'd had it off [had sex with, if you're American] every woman in this street except one?" "I bet it's that snooty Mrs Jones at number ten!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Escamillo Date: 10 Aug 00 - 06:31 AM An innocent one (that's why it's new for me):
The small polar bear - Daddy, I am a polar bear ? - Yes my son, you are, why you ask me ?
(Excuse my poor translation to English)
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: ol'troll Date: 09 Aug 00 - 11:17 PM The reason that the chicken crossed the road was to prove to the 'possum that it could be done. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Branwen23 Date: 09 Aug 00 - 08:43 PM WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?..... JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: What chicken? KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrong doing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.) CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken?" Could you define chicken please? LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And there was rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? -Branwen- |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Colwyn Dane Date: 09 Aug 00 - 02:12 PM G'day,
What do you call a stone-age cowboy?
What do you call a very fast cowboy?
What do you call a blue-haired cowboy?
There are more but enough is enough.
Sorry to have inflicted my heaviness on you good folks. Toodle-pip. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: ol'troll Date: 09 Aug 00 - 07:43 AM True story. Two o'clock in the AM and the phone rings. I answered to hear a bleary voice ask,"Is Mary there?" Sez I,"Theres no one here by that name." Comes back,"Are you sure?" I replied,"Have I ever lied to you before?" and gently hung up. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Psaltry Psue Date: 09 Aug 00 - 06:00 AM This virus works entirely on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive, and then pass this message on to everyone in your address book. Thank you for you cooperation.
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Quincy Date: 09 Aug 00 - 04:55 AM Three Irishmen are being treated by a speech therapist for stuttering. The therapist is a real looker and very curvy. She is finding it very difficult to make any progress with the three men and so she decides to try a reward system. She tells the three that she will have sex with anyone of them who can tell her where they were born without stuttering. The first Irishman stands up, says, "B-B-B-B-Belf-f-f-f-ast" and sits down in disappointment. The second Irishman says "D-D-D-Dublin" and also sits down with a sad face. The third Irishman says "London". In amazement the therapist immediately grabs him, takes into the next room, from where there are sounds of him being rewarded.(!!) After half an hour they return and the Irishman has a stupid, satisfied grin on his face. Before restarting the session the therapist asks if there's is anything that any of the men would like to say. The third Irishman raises his hands and continues "d-d-d-d-erry" best wishes Yvonne
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: CamiSu Date: 08 Aug 00 - 06:56 PM Course we loved the time when we met a tourist on the road in front of the Benton town hall. There is a sign on it that says "This is Benton, New Hampshire" in case you can't find it. Well, this tourist either can't or won't read and he says "I'm looking for Benton", and we looked at each other. Should we say it? "Don't you move a God Damned inch!!!" Thank you Marshall Dodge! We've also spent time sheep wrestling lately. It just seems to happen when you need to move them somewhere... So what is a U-joint? A house of ill repute in Lander, Wyoming. (Sorry Kat & Wyo Woman!) And a variation on an earlier one. A guy goes into a bar and meets a gorgeous woman. She says "For a hundred bucks I'll do anything you want." "Anything?" "Anything." "OK. Paint my house." |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bernard Date: 08 Aug 00 - 06:15 PM Mouse in music shop: 'I want to buy an organ suitable for mice to play.' Chap says: 'You want a mouse organ...' 'Funny - there was another mouse in here this morning asking for the same thing!' Mouse says: 'That must have been our Monica!' |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bernard Date: 08 Aug 00 - 06:12 PM Two fish in a tank. One says 'Whose turn is it to drive?' |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bernard Date: 08 Aug 00 - 06:04 PM Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what? A super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Bert Date: 08 Aug 00 - 05:59 PM Way back in the late Fifties when there was still some red on the atlas. England sent out an expedition to darkest Africa to search for rare plants and animals. As luck would have it they found this very small animal which no one had seen before. I mean no one had seen anything remotely like it. So they took the poor creature from its natural habitat and brought it back to England. Well, you can imagine, The London Zoo was delighted. A new creature to put on display. Trouble was no one knew what it was. Eventually they decided that because it was so rare they would call it a Rary (pronounced rare-ee). It was a great hit and folks came from miles around just to see this poor creature and the Zoo made scads of money. Well the animal grew and its appetite grew, then it grew some more and they had to move it to a bigger cage. Eventually though the novelty wore off and not many people came to see the animal now that it was no longer cute and fuzzy. But this didn't stop the animal from eating, it ate and ate and ate and got bigger and bigger and bigger until it was too big for the largest cage in the zoo. But now there was no money coming in to build a new cage for it so they decide to kill the bloody thing or 'put it to sleep' as they said. So the vet came and gave it an injection but it didn't hurt the beast at all, it just increased its appetite. So they called in the army to shoot it. But the bullets just bounced off. So they bombed it but the explosion didn't hurt it a bit, if anything it just increased its appetite. After much hemming and hawing they decided that they would take it up Mount Everest and push it over the side. That should do it. So the called Sir Edmund and organised an expedition and took the animal to the very top of Mount Everest. WHen they arrived at the top the Rary said to them "What are you going to do to me?" and Sir Edmund replied "We are going to tip you over the side" The Rary looked down and said.. . . .Wait for it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."It's a long way to tip a Rary" |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST Date: 08 Aug 00 - 05:48 PM MAG - The way I understand it is - women fake orgasms because they think men care !! |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Don Firth Date: 08 Aug 00 - 05:34 PM Sorry. My mouse has a bad stutter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Don Firth Date: 08 Aug 00 - 05:32 PM An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window." |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: mactheturk Date: 08 Aug 00 - 08:27 AM A man is waiting in line at the train station. As he approaches the cashier window he notices that the clerk is a very well endowed young lady with a tight fitting sweater. Eventually it's his turn and the beautiful girl asks, "can I help you sir?", he responds, "oh yes, I would like two pickets to Titsburg please". Immediately aware of his mistake he becomes noticeable red faced. The man behind him in line notices, of course and tries to reassure him..."don't worry pal this happens all the time, it's just a faupax, a mere Fruedian slip, in fact I made a similar mistake yesterday at the breakfast table. I meant to say to my wife.."honey would you please pass the jelly" an instead I said.. "You fuckin' bitch you've ruined my life"..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: dwditty Date: 08 Aug 00 - 07:11 AM Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one stops, and, patting himself, says, "Oh no! I think I lost an electron." His friend says, "Are you sure?" the first one replies, "Yeah, I'm positive." |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea Date: 08 Aug 00 - 05:56 AM Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"..... Michael |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Date: 08 Aug 00 - 04:21 AM What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: MAG (inactive) Date: 08 Aug 00 - 12:36 AM sisters, don't stone me for giving up this underground favorite: Q: Why do women fake orgasm? A: Men fake foreplay. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokesO From: Mickey191 Date: 07 Aug 00 - 11:58 PM Old lady walking home from her job in the garment district, approaching her is a young man in a a raincoat. A few feet from her he flashes himself - as he passes she says "Lousy Lining." |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: MarkS Date: 07 Aug 00 - 11:32 PM OK OK OK Pinoccio is complaining to Gepetto that his love life is horrible. Seems his girlfriend is deathly afraid of splinters. Gepetto says "no problem" and gives Pinoccio a sheet of fine sandpaper and tells him to smooth off the problem area. A few weeks pass. The next time Gepetto sees Pinoccio he asks how things are going with his girlfriend. "Girlfriend?" says Pinoccio, "Who needs a girlfriend!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Melani Date: 07 Aug 00 - 10:15 PM Q: How do you get a (ethnic group of your choice) to burn his face? A: Call him on the telephone when he's ironing. Q: How did the (ethinic group of your choice) burn his face? A: Bobbing for french fries. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Lox Date: 07 Aug 00 - 09:30 PM ... Then I'll give you another one ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Lox Date: 07 Aug 00 - 09:25 PM If someone explains it, it will cease to be funny. Just lie back and think of England, and when it sinks in you'll be fully satisfied. |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Elise Date: 07 Aug 00 - 09:07 PM Will someone kindly explain the double entendre joke? I heard it on NPR a long time ago, and I've been puzzling over it since. Here's my favorite: Why don't cannibals eat clowns? 'Cause they taste funny! |
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Subject: RE: BS: All time classic jokes From: Lox Date: 07 Aug 00 - 08:57 PM What do you call a guitar player with half a brain?... ... A bass player! ___________________________________ How can you tell if the stage is level at a gig?... ...The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth! ___________________________________ A drummer goes into a music shop because he wants a change of instrument. (what with all the bad press and everything) He tells the shop assistant of his desires, and the shop assistant gives him leave to browse to his hearts content. After half an hour or so, he comes back saying that he'd like an accordion and a saxaphone. His hopes are dashed however when he is told that, even though he can have the fire extinguisher, the radiator is staying exactly where it is. |