Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Bruce Campbell)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE ROMAN GLADIATOR
From: Micca
Date: 13 Aug 00 - 01:13 PM

Here as promised,
The Roman Gladiator
(Dave Houlden et al)

THE ROMAN GLADIATOR (as sung by Micca)
(written by Bruce Campbell, with verses added by Dave Houlden)

CHORUS I'm glad glad very very glad
I'm glad I'm a gladiator
Ancient Rome, that's my home
Fried fish shop by the Hippodrome
I'm glad glad very very glad
From my helmet to my toes
My old Dad was a Roman lad
And he left me a Roman nose
2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4

Ever seen a Fellow like a Roman candle
Bloke who never let his braces dangle
Gladi-ator Bold and Furious
Runs round Rome with a spirit so furious
I'm in the bodyguard of Julius Ceaser
He's got a fizzer like a lemon squeezer
My names Marcus diddle-I-darcus
Permanent address is Rome
CHORUS

Round the Colosseum we go marching
Wearing dickies that are needing starching
Watched by Nero, he's our hero
Sits up there with a belly full of beer-o
All day long he keeps on fiddlin'
Fingers diddlin', always twiddlin'
We must please him, if we tease him
Throws us in the lions den.
CHORUS

I had a fight with a lion called Nifty
Mangy old bugger with an eye so shifty
Rorus chorus, he rushed for us
I shoved my Trident up his anal quarters
Gave that lion such a fair old beating
Found his haemorrhoids need treating
Oh what a din!, Oh what a win!
Everybody thumbs up YAH!
CHORUS

Julius Ceaser had a motto
Only remembered it when he got blotto
"Null secundus orus randy "
He was a bugger on a pint of shandy
On his banner was a naked dancer
Three French letters and a mounted lancer
He can't fool us, got no tool, us
Lost it in the Ides of March
CHORUS

Marcus Anthony, the dirty shitehouse
Lost his medals in a Rome red lighthouse
Woke in the morning, very solemn
Couldn't see the end of his Tragans column
The favourite sport of Roman rogues is
Two pink gins and off with their togas
Shagnus Magnus, any old bag does
Oh what a Roman wreck
CHORUS

We went on holiday to old Pompeii
Can't say that we enjoyed our stayee
We insured against Jupiter pluvius
We forgot about bloody Vesuvius
off we buggered to Herculaneum
Wife got a rock upon her cranium
Oh what a shock, bloody great rock
So we buggered off back to Rome
CHORUS

They were a funny lot the Ancient Britons
Look at 'em twice and they'd have kittens
As you've read in "Di Bello Castie"
How we were poisoned by a Cornish pasty
We lost Marcus to a fair young Druid
Who injected him with priceless fluid
With his arse full of woad, he croaked like a toad
So we dumped him in the Edgware Road.
CHORUS

In north Britain near Vindolanda
thats where the 6th Legion raise their standard
They grew leeks that were big and strong
Thick as your arm and six foot long
Then the Scots with their Picts and shovels
Came and stole them back to their hovels
This didn't please the legion at all
Which is why they built Hadrians Wall
CHORUS
^^
Dave Houlden (with some additions)
This is the combined set of words gathered from Pearl O'Neill and Barry at Towersey, how much was written bty Dave I dont know, except for verse 8 I know that I added that as a homage to Dave Houldens ghost.

---

Note from Joe Offer: See message below (click), which says the song was written by Bruce Campbell, with verses added by Dave Houlden.
-Joe Offer, 8 Feb 2011-

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Aug 00 - 01:20 PM

YeeHaw!! Ya did it! Thanks, Micca!! Last night's rendition with you all singing away was quite a treat!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From:
Date: 13 Aug 00 - 05:52 PM

Thank you micca

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 13 Aug 00 - 07:31 PM

And he sang it in the flesh to us in the Half moon Stortford, the latest stop on Dick and Susan's whirlwind tour. A good time was had by all.

Didn't Cosmotheka have it in their repertoire? Didn't do it any better than Micca though.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Aug 00 - 08:03 PM

Couldn't do it any worse!!!!

sorry

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: Micca
Date: 13 Aug 00 - 08:39 PM

Liz, the reply is spherical and they bounce....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: MMario
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 10:53 AM

refresh - remembering fondly several renditions at Getaway

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 11:05 AM

is there a tune for this'n?

Cheers

Steven

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST,Noreen
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 12:28 PM

several ??! :0)

Tune is something like 'The Entry of the Gladiators'.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: MMario
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 12:40 PM

yes, noreen - I heard it at least three times.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST,Noreen
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 01:12 PM

:0)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST,MCP
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 01:25 PM

A note on the tune (see Deja News/uk.music.folk/"Gladiator" for the complete entry of mine on this: (I haven't checked to see if the links are still valid)

Mick

"It was written by a Czech born composer called Julius Ernst Wilhelm Fucik (1872-1916).

Fucik began his career as a military bandmaster in 1897 with the 86th infantry regimental band in Sarajevo, Yugoslavia. During this period he wrote Entry of the Gladiators. It was arranged (in 1910) by Canadian Louis-Phillipe Laurendeau. Also known as Thunder And Blazes, Fucik originally gave it the title "Grande Marche Chromatique" but was so fascinated by the culture of Roman Gladiators entering an amphitheatre that he changed the name.

(This information came from site: http://worldmilbands.ottawa.com/featured/fuzik.html in an entry written by Jack Kopstein, CWO (retired), where more information may be found. There is also a wav clip of the tune and a bit of the music for the Solo 1st Bb Cornet at: http://world.std.com/~tsh/circus.html/ )"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST,Mike Cahill
Date: 24 Oct 01 - 05:06 PM

The best version I ever heard of this song was sung by the late Dave Richie of Oldham A treacle voiced Scot tragically Killed about 5 years ago. I'll have a drink for you tonight Dave.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: MMario
Date: 25 Oct 01 - 08:53 AM

MCP's link included an ABC with the chorus - so I have an NWC file ready to send to JoeO.

Subject: Lyr Add: The Roman Gladiator (Bruce Campbell)
From: GUEST,Robin Madge
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 07:35 AM

I've just found a forgotten piece of paper sent to me by Dave shortly before he died with his definitive version of the Roman Gladiator.

He says that Bruce Campbell, Groundsman at Wethered's Brewery in Marlow, wrote it with six verses in about 1940. Dave added the two verses before the last one.

THE ROMAN GLADIATOR
(Bruce Campbell, verses added by Dave Houlden)

Ever seen a sight like a Roman candle, chap who never let his braces dangle,
Gladiator bold and furious, rushes round the town in a skirt so curious
I'm in the bodyguard of Julius Caesar; he's got a fizzer like a lemon squeezer
My name's Marcus Didiydacus, permanent address just Rome.

CHORUS: I'm glad, glad, very, very glad; I'm glad I'm a gladiator.
Ancient Rome, that's my home, in a fried fish shop by the Hippodrome.
I'm glad, glad, very, very, glad, from my helmet to my toes,
My old Dad was a Roman lad, and he left me a Roman nose, 2, 3, 4.

Round the Coliseum we kept marching, wearing dickeys that have got no starch in,
Watched by Nero—he's our hero—watching our performance on a bellyful of beer-o
All day long he keeps on fiddling, Thumbs a-twiddling and fingers diddling.
We must please him. If we tease him, he'll throw us in the lion's den.

I once fought a duel with a lion called Nifty, mangy bugger with a look so shifty.
Horus Torus rushed him for us, shoved his weapon up his Leororus.
He came in like a bucking bronco, caught him a wallop on the niftus pronto,
Oh what a win! Oh what a din! Everybody thumbs up! RAH!

Julius Caesar had a motto, only remembered it when he got blotto:
"Null secundus hairus randy." He was a bugger on a pint of shandy.
On his banner was a strip-tease dancer, three French letters and a mounted lancer.
He can't fool us, got no tool, us lost it in the Ides of March.

Old Marcus Anthony, the dirty shitehouse, lost all his medals in a Rome red light house,
Woke in the morning feeling solemn, couldn't see the end of his Roman column.
Down in old Pompeii you can see his ruins. Girls of eleven were amongst his doings.
Agnus bagnus, any old shagnus, talk about a Roman wreck!

I took my holidays in old Pompeii. Can't say that I enjoyed my stay.
We'd insured against Jupiter pluvius, never gave a thought to bleeding Vesuvius.
Piece of lava hit the missus on the cranium. We transferred to Herculaneum.
Saw the younger Pliny filming it on cine. I buggered off back to Rome.

At the Tenth Legion's regimental dinner in Sicily, all the guests were arselus pissili.
Senior Centurion, Paulus Gallius stuffed the regimental eagle down a dark back alleyus.
Silly bugger there called Horatius held up the traffic. It was most vexatious.
With his finger up his arse, he refused to let us pass, so Tarquin threw him off the bridge.

They were a queer lot, the Ancient Britons. Look at 'em twice and they'd have kittens.
You've read in "De Bellis Castri" how we were poisoned by a Cornish pasty.
We lost Marcus to a fair young Druid. She gave him an injection of a priceless fluid.
With his arse full of woad, he croaked like a toad and we left him in the Edgware Road.

---

Click to Play

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST,Simon Poole
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 01:22 AM

Now this takes me back....

Learnt this in a pub in St Albans called the Black Lion in the mid 70's and it went very well with about 6 pints of Abbott on a Sunday night. We treated it as a 'local' song (as it was right next door to the old roman museum and everything in Verulamium)

Anyone who remembers this (Ruth, Heather, Norma, Danny C, Andy D, Phil Gallagher...) please drop me a line...

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: Gorgeous Gary
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 07:58 PM

It should be noted that Sheryl and I are, in all likelihood, going to be honeymooning in Italy, including Rome. So guess what we're going to be humming for nine days...

-- Gary

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST,Jeremy
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 01:28 PM

I've just stumbled across this and was delighted. I was remembering, with my wife, the Nettlebed Folk Club in the late seventies/early eighties where Dave was a regular performer. I could remember only a few lines of The Roman Gladiator so this is such a find.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 03:36 PM

Jeremy

I hope you remember some of Dave's other songs, too - like Hyperbole!

Kitty

Subject: Aidez-moi s'il vous plaît.
From: GUEST,ci
Date: 21 Aug 04 - 04:15 AM

Bonjour,
Permettez-moi s'il vous plaît d'être en relation d'affaire avec vous.j'ai besoin dans ce domaine de vos conseil. Je souhaiterais que vous supervisiez tous les domaines où ma part de cet argent pourrait être investie

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 06:34 AM

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: masato sakurai
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 06:49 AM

A.K.A. "Entry of the Gladiators," "Enter the Gladiators," or "The Gladiators' Entry."

See also Tune Req: Circus Song.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: VIN
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 07:45 AM

And I always thought Jack Lee (who now lives in Heywood, Lancs, i think) had written it. Oh well, he does a grand version of it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator song
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 10:25 AM

The words that I sing to this are basically a mixture of versions from Dave Houlden and Dave Blagrove - originally from Reading who also attributes the original to Bruce Campbell of Marlow. The main differences from the version posted by Colin Madge are:

Round the Coliseum we go marching, wearing dickeys that have got no starch in,
There's old Nero - he's our hero, fiddling away with his bellyful of beer-o
He sits there playing tunes and snatches - cos no-one will give him any bloomin' matches.
We must please him. If we tease him, he'll throw us in the lion's den.

I once fought a duel with a lion called Nifty, mangy bugger with a look so shifty.
Horus Torus rushed him for us, shoved his weapon up his Anal Orifice.
Then we gave one hell of a beating - found his haemeroids needed treating,
Oh what a win! Oh what a din! Everybody thumbs up! RAH

Old Marcus Anthony, the dirty shitehouse, lost all his medals in a Rome red light house,
Woke in the morning feeling solemn, couldn't see the end of his Roman column.
Sex is the sport of the Roman Logas - two pnk gins - then off with their togas.
Agnus bagnus, any old shagnus, talk about a Roman wreck!

Both Daves said that Bruce sang different words on various occasions.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Roman Gladiator (Dave Houlden)
From: Folkiedave
Date: 06 Oct 06 - 11:44 AM

Tom Boulding, landlord of Fagan´s Broad Lane Sheffield (a great session pub) has a version which included a chorus of "sinister dexter, sinister dexter".

And somewhere around verse four he would say:

Roman soldier goes into a bar and asks for a martinus.

Barman says "Don´t you mean Martini?"

"If I want more than one, I´ll tell you."

And with perfect timing as the laughter died down Tom would say:

"You can tell the ones educated at grammar school!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Roman Gladiator (Dave Houlden)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 06 Oct 06 - 08:02 PM

The Martini Joke was used in "Rinse the Blood off my Toga" - Wayne & Schuster.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Folkiedave
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:10 AM

Once this has been removed it reminded me that Tom Boulding - referred to above Oct 6th - also had an "in between" chorus that went "sinister, dexter, sinister dexter"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 05:57 AM

MudCatter Trayton has been threatening to do an updated reprint of the dave Holden Song Book - All proceeds to British Heart Foundation !
If ANY Catters have any information re Lyrics and tunes used by the late Mr Houlden , Trayton OR myself would pe pleased to hear thereof !

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: GUEST,Tykewriter
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 10:44 AM

As far as I remember, Tom's version had the first two lines as

Oi! Ave you ever seen a Roman candle?
Twelve inches long and too hot to handle!

His "in between chorus" went
Sinister, dexter, sinister, dexter
Oo! Ah! Oo ah ah!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 09:56 AM

I seem to remember a duo in Manchester who specialised in humorous semi-bawdy songs. Can't remember the name.

Wasn't there a verse something like

My best mate, they called him Brutus
He got pissed as a Roman nutus . . .

The pair I'm thinking of slso sang that Geordie song about a Duchess, the Tees floating crane and the Baltic Hotel.

It's an age thing, I know.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: trayton
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 10:58 AM

Hi all,
I thought I had posted this before but it seems that I did not so here it is.

I talked to Dave Houlden a few times about the Gladiator song and got the background information, as can be seen in this thread, that it was written by Bruce Campbell, Groundsman at Wethered's Brewery in Marlow about 1940 and further that Dave added several verses of his own.
I also talked to Dave Blagrove about the song and he told me that he had known Dave Houlden from their days in Thames rowing clubs and had each learned some verses from their fathers (who I think knew Bruce) and went on to swap verses. He also had the interesting story that Bruce Campbell used to sing it dressed up in a sheet a spoof of Mussolini. I also have the story that Bruce was sent down from Oxford and that later he used to perform for the likes of the Woman's Institute around Marlow but these I can't confirm.

This song is not in the Dave Houlden Songbook but I did start correlating different versions of the song and would appreciate people posting any version they have along with where and when they got it to assist in this. Copies of the words as handed out by Dave Houlden are interesting as he often added a few notes of explanation and these I would be particularly interested in. My first thoughts are that many versions will have developed from the singing of the two Dave's as they both sang the song widely but if anyone can show another link back to Bruce Campbell I would be most interested to know.

"I think this is an excellent example of a modern traditional song" discuss.

malcolm

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 01:10 PM

Bryn Pugh - the song you mention is actually from Teesside (not Geordie!) and is Graham Miles Procession, chorus:

  The procession it started at Ayresome
  Past the Park and Museum as well
  Past Kirkup's fruit stall and the 'Boro Town Hall
  And into the Baltic Hotel.

(which I don't think is in Mudcat anywhere; perhaps I should post it!)

Mick

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: BB
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 03:25 PM

Specifically about Middlesbrough, I think. But please spell Graeme Miles' name correctly, Mick! I thought better of you! :-)

Barbara

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 03:54 PM

Quite right on both counts - and I ought to know the spelling by now!

Mick

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: skipy
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 04:16 PM

1 Dave Houlden song per person per day!
(in joke!)
Skipy

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 04:29 PM

At least Middlesbrough was spelt correctly for a change... "hyperbole" was one of the down solutions in yesterday's Guardian crossword...

Kitty

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Dave Houlden)
From: Micca
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 05:08 AM

Kitty, under serious "persuasion" from Ron Davies I sang Hyperbole at the Sunday evening concert at the Getaway (I think I have done it at the Press room also) and it was very well received, it was clear that it was virtually unknown that side of the Pond!! so let us spread Dave Houldens name and songs everywhere, I want to add, "I didnt mean to fall apart" next to the repetoire.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Bruce Campbell)
From: mikesamwild
Date: 28 Apr 12 - 07:46 AM

This cropped up again on Mudcat the other day again!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Bruce Campbell)
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Dec 13 - 08:33 AM

Micca & the Gladiator!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Bruce Campbell)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 18 May 20 - 07:49 PM

This song will forever bring a smile to me, and a tear to my eye.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Gladiator Song (Bruce Campbell)
From: GUEST,CheshireCat
Date: 11 Jun 23 - 02:27 AM

Here's the version I heard in the 90s

Ever seen a chap like a Roman candle, sort who never let his braces dangle,
Gladiator bold and furious, running 'round Rome in a skirt so curious
I'm in the bodyguard of Julius Caesar; he's got a phizzog like a lemon squeezer (* phizzog==face)
My name's Marcus, diddly-darcus, permanent address is Rome.

CHORUS: I'm glad, glad, very, very glad; I'm glad I'm a gladiator.
Ancient Rome, that's my home, fried fish shop by the Hippodrome.
I'm glad, glad, very, very, glad, from my helmet to my toes,
My old man was a Roman man, and he left me a Roman nose! 2, 3, 4.. 1, 2, 3, 4...

'Round the Coliseum we go marching, wearing dickeys that are needing starching,
Watched by Nero, he's our hero, sitting up there with a bellyful of beer-o
All day long he keeps on fiddling, Thumbs a-twiddling and fingers diddling.
We must please him. If we tease him, he'll throw us in the lion's den.

I fought a duel with a lion called Nifty, mangy bugger with a leer so shifty.
Roarus chorus, he came for us, I shoved my weapon up his anal quarters.
Gave that lion such a rare old beating, found his hemorrhoids were needing treating,
Oh what a win! Oh what a din! Everybody thumbs up! RAH!

Julius Caesar had a motto, only remembered it when he got blotto:
"Nulli secundus orus randi" He was a bugger on a pint of shandy.
On his banner was a Roman lancer, three French letters and a naked dancer.
He can't fool us, got no toolus, lost it in the Ides of March.

Marcus Anthony, the dirty old shitehouse, lost all his medals in a Rome red light house,
Woke in the morning, all very solemn, couldn't find the end of his Trajen column.
Favourite sport of this Roman rogue is, two pink gins and "off with their togas"
Magnus shagnus, any old bagnus, golly what a Roman wreck!

They were a queer lot, the Ancient Britons. Look at 'em twice and they'd have kittens.
You've read in "De Belli Castri" how we were poisoned by a Cornish pasty.
We lost Marcus to a fair young Druid. She injected him with a poisonous fluid.
With his arse full of woad, he croaked like a toad so we buggered off back to Rome!