Discuss: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 16 Apr 20 - 10:41 PM

Myrtle the Turtle, by Bernard Bolan.

First verse (of five-and-a-half):

I've got a little pet and his name is Frank
He's always very wet, 'cos I keep him in a tank
In my office, in a city bank,
A long-necked turtle is my little mate, Frank.
A long-necked turtle, his mother called him Myrtle,
'Til he started doing what a Myrtle doesn't do
But the bank's been booming since he came on deck
'Cos he isn't just a pretty face and one long neck.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 16 Apr 20 - 10:37 PM

'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle — we used to call him Tortoise — '

'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.

'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle angrily: 'really you are very dull!'

From Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: Newport Boy
Date: 16 Apr 20 - 12:24 PM

In Italy, police fined a woman for breaking the lockdown. She claimed to be taking her tortoise for a walk!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Apr 20 - 10:56 AM

Reality follows the song (NY Times: 20200416):

Image
Turtle Time

Dear Diary:

I was at home one afternoon when a man rang the intercom and asked whether I could buzz him into the building. He said that his turtle had fallen out the window and into the alley between his building and mine, and that he wanted to get to the alley from my building’s basement.

I paused. No one could make this up, I decided.

“I love turtles,” I said, buzzing him in. “I hope he’s OK.”

About five minutes later, I looked out the window and saw a tall man come out my building’s front door. He was holding a good-size turtle that was moving its arms and legs.

It was OK, I guess, just shook up.

— Jody Friedman

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 20 Feb 11 - 06:35 AM

Nice one, I'm sure I won't be the only one rapidly learning that one ;)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: Haruo
Date: 19 Feb 11 - 09:54 PM

Unfortunately, removing the "#at" bit is the sort of thing the Mudcat won't let you do once you've posted. If Joe Offer or a clone wants to do viewers a favor and remove it, do so with my blessing by all means!

A corrected link would read like this, I guess.

Haruo

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: Mysha
Date: 19 Feb 11 - 02:40 PM

You might want to remove the #at bit at the end, or you'll start 45 seconds into the song.

I didn't know YouTube let you do that. Things you find out when writing about turtles.

                                                                  Mysha

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: Haruo
Date: 19 Feb 11 - 01:45 PM

Yesterday I put the YouTube version (here) on my Facebook page and several new fans have emerged.

Haruo

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: LadyJean
Date: 18 Feb 11 - 11:28 PM

It's the Iroquois who believe the world rests on the back of a giant turtle.

I forget which notable Ancient Greek died when a seagull dropped a turtle on his head, but one of them did.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST,Seonaid
Date: 18 Feb 11 - 07:32 PM

3rd line should have been "You'll live a hundred years, no doubt..."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST,Seonaid
Date: 18 Feb 11 - 07:31 PM

Not a song, but a fine original turtle poem:

You have your enemies at rout,
Youself completely carapaced;
You'll life a hundred years, no doubt,
Because you know not valor's taste.

(Don't bug me about plastrons, now...)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: Mysha
Date: 18 Feb 11 - 03:09 PM

Hi,

I just listened to this a few times. I hear it as:

* It's a long way >from< the ground (Doesn't give away the story just yet.)
* >When< some wild and wilful wind (It just happened so.)
* Lord help >< Myrtle as she hurtles (Balanced.)
* My >poor< Myrtle all around (She'd be lamented rather than a friend, at that point.)
* >that< old caretaker (It's not a contrast to the new one.)


And something else: It seems to me it would work better with one chorus less, so the good news is revealed only in the final sequence. Does it?

Oh caretaker, poor caretaker,
Why do you lie here stone cold dead?
Poor man went to meet his maker:
Something landed on his head.

Undertaker, undertaker,
Lay that poor man in his grave.
Good Lord took that old caretaker,
But my best friend she was saved!

Yes, the turtle was unbroken!
By and by, Lord, by and by.
For you guided my friend Myrtle
Through the sky, Lord, through the sky.


                                                                Mysha

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Bar
From: semi-submersible
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 07:18 AM

Summertime again, when turtles in the northern hemisphere dig their nests...

(For an excuse to refresh an obscure thread, even the most paltry pretext can serve.)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From:
Date: 22 Oct 04 - 07:15 PM

Couldn't access the link provided for the story, so had to look around. Found this:

Pet turtle survives high-rise fall
From correspondents in Hong Kong
15oct04
 
TURTLES are considered a symbol of good luck in Hong Kong, but try telling that to the taxi driver whose car was hit and damaged by a big one that plummeted from a high-rise building.
 
The pet turtle climbed through an apartment window yesterday and fell more than 10 stories on to the taxi's roof, which was scratched and dented, police spokesman Anson Lo told The Associated Press today.
 
Newspapers ran pictures of the turtle, splashed with blood and its shell broken, but Mr Lo told the AP it had somehow survived.
 
The driver, surnamed Tong, was quoted as telling the Apple Daily newspaper that yesterday had been a particularly unlucky day.
 
Mr Tong said his mobile phone was stolen by a passenger, and then his car was struck by the turtle, which newspapers described as being about 30cm in length.
 
Apple Daily quoted relatives of the turtle's owner as saying he would release it into the wild.
 
Hong Kong Chinese traditionally view turtles as a symbol of longevity.
 

Subject: Lyr Add: THE TORTOISE (Ed Pickford)
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 22 Oct 04 - 03:34 PM

Here you are:

THE TORTOISE
(Ed Pickford)

CHORUS:
He's a faithful friend, the tortoise He'll love you till the end
And you won't need a person with a tortoise for a friend

1. He was just a lonely tortoise looking for a home.
His tiny feet were blistered with the miles he'd had to roam.
I found him in a pet shop. On his cheek there was a tear,
And painted on his little back was "Twenty pence, to clear."

2. I took him from the pet shop tied to a piece of string.
I'm sure that he was happy, for I thought I heard him sing.
I took him to my sports car. We'd many's the miles to go.
I tied him to the bumper. He was grateful for the tow.

3. In winter he would hibernate, yes, we'd both retire,
And when his tiny feet got cold, I'd place him on the fire.
In summer by the swimming-pool, I was so proud of him.
I'd throw him in and then he'd sink. I don't think he could swim.

4. Then came the day that's coming to all creatures great and small.
A drunken driver hit my friend. He smashed him against the wall.
When I arrived all I could find were little bits of shell.
I made them into plectrums. I know my plectrums well.

As sung by The Corries

My cat nearly had a fit when I played it again! Not that he is over-fond of tortoises...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 04:30 PM

it can, of course.Thanks Suzanne

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: *Laura*
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 04:20 PM

Pratchett's good with that other guy who wrote 'Good Omens' with him - Neil Gaiman.
That's brilliant.

And the one with Death as Mr Door.

xLx

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 03:55 PM

Morticia, I think you're thinking of the right song. Can you wait till the weekend?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Snuffy
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 08:49 AM

Same this side of the pond Annamill. Tortoises are land based, while turtles (and terrapins) are more aquatic

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: GUEST,Bearheart
Date: 19 Oct 04 - 06:09 AM

So has Les Barker read Terry Pratchett's 'Small Gods'? I thought of them both immediately when I came across this thread-- so had to check it out... Pratchett's the best!
Bekki

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: annamill
Date: 18 Oct 04 - 07:37 PM

When I lived in greenwich Village in the early '60's some of my friends called me "Rabbit".

...NO, it was because I bounced when I walked like I was hopping!

Just answering Naemanson's query about nicknames.

L, Annamill

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: annamill
Date: 18 Oct 04 - 07:24 PM

McGrath of Harlow, I may be wrong as all sorts of vernacular differences can be found here in the USA, but, I think we use turtle to discribe a water-going creature as in "snapping turtle". A tortoise is a land creature. And generally large. As in "the tortoise and the hare".

My 2-cents.

Annamill

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Morticia
Date: 18 Oct 04 - 09:05 AM

is that the one that goes something like you are never alone with a tortoise for a friend? I wouldn't mind those lyrics sometime, Suzanne.....I like excesses :)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 06:34 PM

Check first!

I've just come across a turtle that definitely wasn't unbroken: On their 1987 album 'Barrett's Privateers' The Corries sing a song called 'The Tortoise' by Ed Pickford which might be used as a RSPCA recruiting song. But then I've long become accustomed to the Corries peculiar sense of humour, and just delete the worst excesses. I haven't got the lyrics down yet, but if anyone is dying to know them ...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 02:39 PM

Oh my god - how did I get in here?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 02:37 PM

I believe in the USA you use the word "turtle" to refer to what would be called a "tortoise" in England. From this story it looks as if in Hong Kong the American usage prevails.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: GUEST,Van
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 02:28 PM

No it looks like a turtle - but it cerainly wasn't unbroken!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 11:51 AM

That Hong Kong kamikaze flier looks more like what I'd call a tortoise.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Dead Horse
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 04:56 AM

The Discworld is NOT carried on the back of a turtle, that would be far too ridiculous!
It is perched on the back of four elephants.
THEY are balancing on top of the turle.
The turtle is called Great A'Tuin, but doesn't answer when called(do any of 'em?).

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 07:53 PM

Well, it's happened, in Hong Kong - ten stories, and the turtle survived and the taxi was dented - read all about it here. The turtle does look a bit the worse for wear, but they say it'll survive, and be set free, since skyscraper life clearly isn't what it prefers.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 08:44 PM

A friend of mine got this song from barker at Stanfest a couple of years ago . I was going to get the words from her but you saved me the trouble.
       Thanks!
            Sandy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 07:56 PM

The turtle joke of 18 Aug above is now a Cougar (booze) ad in Australia!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: GUEST,Pete (Offshore)
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 12:44 PM

1.While crawling across the web,in search of a copy of Rogers Profanosaurus,I spotted the link to this page...
Holders of a copy of Rogers may be pleased to know that Viz celebrates its 25th anniversary this year.
Those of you not familiar with this work of genius,should ask Helen for some issues she no doubt confiscated from pimply youths and kept for her own amusement.
2.As a former drill instuctor in the army,the turtle referred to in the previous post has the uncanny ability to swing a left arm forwards along with the left foot,instead of the usual manner of perambulation,diagonally opposing limbs.
3."Loggerhead turtles favour eating jellyfish,often mistaking floating plastic bags,with fatal consequences.." (WWF)
href="http://www.wwf.org.uk/core/wildlife/fs_0000000025.asp">http://www.wwf.org.uk/core/wildlife/fs_0000000025

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Aug 00 - 09:03 AM

It was me, Micca. I stumbled through Turtle last night.

Thread Creep - By the way, Turtle was my nickname in Boot Camp (Basic Military Training). Anyone else have a turtle related nickname or personal story?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Micca
Date: 19 Aug 00 - 06:01 AM

Someone sang the song in Hearme last night and hasnt owned up in the Hearme thread yet!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Bernard
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 05:15 PM

A bloke went to a fancy dress party (costume ball?), all dressed in green, carrying his girlfriend on his back.

'What have you come as?' asked the genial host.

'A turtle!' he replied.

'Who is she?'

'Michelle!'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: GUEST,lamarca
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 03:59 PM

Peter, my husband recites this one periodically when we see large conventions of turtles basking in the sun on our walks along the C&O Canal. I'm not completely sure, but I think the line is:

I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix, to be so fertile

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Bert
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 03:57 PM

Peter, It goes...I think it clever of the turtle

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 03:53 PM

A snog - according to Rogers Profanosaurus - is to swap spit, tongue wrestle or play tonsil hockey. I think from this we can determine that it is a big slobbery kiss....

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 03:49 PM

Help:
"The turtle lives twixt plated decks,
Which serve to conceal its sex
I think it _________
For the turtle,
in such a fix,
to be so fertile.

This is an Ogden Nash poem, and I cannot for the life of me remember the missing word. Anybody else with turtles on the brain (the good version of turtles on the brain). I keep think the word is "odd", but with Nash it should perhaps rhyme with "fix". Maybe there is a line missing. Help please.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Fortunato
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 02:32 PM

Well Squeak and Morticia, what's a snog?

(and do I want one as well?) Fortunato

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Bert
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 01:02 PM

Re Aeschylus:

Well as I said my source was somewhat suspect. I read it in an article by Chuck Jones (The Bugs Bunny guy) in the square dance magazine Sets in Order many, many years ago. Not necessarily an accurate historical document.

But it's a good story.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Helen
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 07:51 PM

Roger-t-s,

You're suffering from apostrophitis. It's a very common disease, and highly contagious. I know! As a former English teacher, and having worked as a trainer/teacher of business & management subjects at colleges & University I have seen this terrible disease reaching plague proportions over the years. There seems to be no cure, and unlike yourself, most of the sufferers don't seem to care. When I talk about apostophes in class their eyes glaze over and they go into denial, start compulsively talking about any other thing they can think of until I have to give up hope and try to stop worrying about it. *BG*

By the way, Attenborough said that the person was *nearly* killed by a falling tortoise - not actually killed.

Helen

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: wildlone
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 05:39 PM

For Parodies and bawdy or even filthy songs try this site

http://members.aol.com/llewtrah/index.htm

Cut and paste

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Naemanson
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 05:13 PM

Liz, don't bother with the chocolate factory in the sky. Come, instead, to the Chocolate Church! Join the Holy Order Of Pure Milk Chocolate. Worship the Dark Side (of the) Chocolate Bar. Be sprinkled with the Holy Chocolate Milk to be baptized into the sweet light of daily M&M's.

When you step up to the bar at the Chocolate Church you have something you can really get your teeth into.

And on top of all that we feature folk music!

Don't you wish you lived closer?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 05:04 PM

Naemeson or whoever it was, consider the bodyguards removed (he wasn't much good at it anyway, what with the seeing eye dog and alll.....)

Thank you, I have been snogged, I can go happy to the chocolate factory in the sky...

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 06:06 AM

I can't believe I put an apostrophe in its> I must go off and say ten Hail Bessie Smiths and three Our Robert Johnsons in penance.
RtS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 06:01 AM

Loathe though I am to disagree with Bert (*BG) The Britannica Online says in it's bit on Aeschylus:
The chronographers recorded Aeschylus' death at Gela (on Sicily's south coast) in 456/455, aged 69. A ludicrous story that he was killed when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his bald pate was presumably fabricated by a later comic writer. At Gela he was accorded a public funeral, with sacrifices and dramatic performances held at his grave, which subsequently became a place of pilgrimage for writers.
RtS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Helen
Date: 17 Aug 00 - 12:00 AM

Bert,

David Attendborough couldn't remember who it was - he mentioned a famous ancient Greek - it might even have been Aeschyllus. It was just a passing reference, so I don't know any more details.

CH,

If you enjoy reading fantasy/SciFi or humourous fiction then Terry Pratchett is well worth checking out. His nearest literary comparison could be Douglas Adams - Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The Discworld series is based on a world which balances on the back of a giant turtle in space.

Helen

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will The Turtle Be Unbroken?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 16 Aug 00 - 11:55 PM

Golly gee, it looks like I've missed out on a pinnacle of culture. Who or what is Pratchett?

CH.