Lyr Add: Ode to PMS

Subject: Lyr Add: ODE TO PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 02:06 PM

well, today it's my day to have a rotten day... the post office refused my bulk mail because it didn't say non-profit on it so I had to individually stamp 1672 pieces of mail "non-profit" then I locked my keys in my car and Mister hasn't come out yet to unlock me. Then it dawned on me, it must be PMS. So here's my two cents, feel free to add yours.

Ode to PMS

PMS, PMS, why can't you just let me be
PMS, PMS, why is it you must torture me

The chocolates thou dost force me eat
Do enlarge and pad my seat
Until my clothes don't fit no more
And that does leave me grievous sore

PMS, PMS, why can't you just let me be
PMS, PMS, why it is you must torture me

I can no longer speak in peace
But can only bark and scream
You make me frightful to my friends
When will this wild madness end

PMS, PMS, why can't you just let me be
PMS, PMS, why is it you must torture me

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: dwditty
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 02:55 PM

I've learned over the years to never, ever blame PMS for any kind of behavior, but then again, I'm on the other side, gender-wise. If you don't mind, Kim C, I think I'll just lay low for a little while. Not that PMS has anything to do with, but you may suggest that Mister does the same.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'LL BE FEELING YOU
From: Barbara
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 03:08 PM

Hey Kim, here's some uh, consolation, or maybe it's good news and bad news... anyway, here's what you've got to look forward to...
Blessings,
Barbara

I'LL BE FEELING YOU
(Salute to "The Change")
Lyrics ©1999 Meryle Korn
Tune - "I'll Be Seeing You"

I'll be feeling you
When all your symptoms send me reeling -
Hot flash, cold flash, hit the ceiling
All day through.
In the night, I wake
Adrift in my own lake
Of sweat, which from me bakes;
I'm losing hair - I rage - I swear,
Emotions cycle swiftly,
Tears, then laughter, then I'm bitchy;
Little noises make me twitchy;
Now my skin's gone dry and itchy;
Getting fat and singing flat, my mem'ry's in a stew:
You are called "The Change," they say,
And I am feeling you.

I am feeling you
Since eyebrows started disappearing
And trifocal time is nearing -
Feeling blue.
From my chin grows hair and
From my nose grows hair and
From my ears, more hair,
I'm plucking them out everywhere,
And worst of all, must guard
'Gainst coughing, sneezing, laughing hard,
Or squatting when I weed my yard -
Incontinence is my reward!
Pop estrogen, progesterone, and soybean products too -
'Til "The Change" has run its course,
I'll still be feeling you!

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 03:19 PM

dwditty, it's a JOKE.

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 03:59 PM

Well what's so GD FUNNY about it?!!!???#@?

(This is a joke too)NOT!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 04:06 PM

never mind, I was just trying to add a little humor to a miserable day

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Pseudolus
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 04:11 PM

Call me crazy but I enjoyed it!! Not that I am taking enjoyment in your bad day, but if you were looking for someone to laugh with you, I'm laughing....if not, uh, well, I'm sorry your having a bad day!!

still laughing (a little), Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 04:14 PM

Kim,
Did you have to lick the stamps or were they the self sticking kind?. A lady on TV claims to have locked her keys and baby in a car and opened it in a panic with a luggage key. She said it was divine intervention. I say it was PMS and she never locked the car in the first place.

My favorite trick - frantically searching for my keys when I am late for work only to discover that I am walking around with them in my hand. Even my cats know to steer clear when I am in a "mood".

ddwitty - you are a wise man. Say nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 05:05 PM

It was a rubber stamp.

I, too, have been known to search for something I was holding. Did it just yesterday, as a matter of fact. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Jeri
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 05:11 PM

Person A: "You're cranky, aren't you?"
Person B: "No, I'm not cranky! How dare you suggest I'm in a bad mood. Listen, you skulking, flea-ridden excuse for a biped, I'm not in a bad mood, and if you don't shut the hell up about it, I'll rip your spleen out with my teeth! Now honey, would you hand me a section of that newspaper?"

There was an hilarious episode of Roseanne once...
We all make jokes about painful things - that's one of the main reasons why we have a sense of humor - to get through the hard times. If we can't make them go away, we might as well find a way to laugh at them. I liked your poem/song - is there a tune?

While PMS exists, I'm sometimes just in a rotten mood just because. I wonder what men blame rotten moods on. Probably women. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 05:21 PM

No tune yet, but maybe later. Anyone ever heard Dolly Parton's "PMS Blues"?

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: dwditty
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 05:47 PM

Kim C.

My post was a joke, too. I guess I should have put *BG*.
dw

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 06:07 PM

there was a woman I knew who was really anxious about ther singing...had a fine voice and delivery, but still worried and fretted and got moody and prickly sometimes when she was approaching some performance....

I'm afraid I accused her of having *Pre-Minstrel Syndrome*

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: celticblues5
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 06:55 PM

Tee hee!
ya know, like the song sez,

"wild women are the old kind that ever get by......"

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: gillymor
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 07:17 PM

Kim, I know it's tough to think up clever things to say but you shouldn't let Pre Mudcat Syndrome get to you. OK, shutting up now.

Frankie

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 07:38 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 07:45 PM

Sorry. I guess my way of coping is to mope in silence- unless you get too close, then watch out!

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: bflat
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 08:42 PM

PMS--at least you are still working on bone density!! At least you are still breathing!! at least you can joke!! at least you have a day!!

SMILE!! you deserve it!!

bflat

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: rangeroger
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 08:51 PM

Jeri, men have SRS, which causes them to be in a bad mood.Sperm Retention Syndrome.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: celticblues5
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 09:42 PM

oops! duh!
that should have been, of course, "the ONLY kind that ever get by!"

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Aug 00 - 10:18 PM

I liked it, too, it made me laugh, thanks. I found getting to *centre age* wasn't so bad as long as I took motherwort tincture and dandelion root tincture, daily.

Oh, and getting *spade* didn't do a thing to alleviate PMS, but they didn't have a name for it then, and it never bothered me that much.

One of my favourite bumper stickers calls hot flashes Power Surges! Now that is what I call a Wild Womon who doesn't get the blues!**BG**

Whoo-Hoo! Celebrate it, make a ritual of it as women did in old times; powerful and mysterious! Treat yourself special...maybe take the edge off.

Having worked for a non-profit which sent things out in the thousands, I can really sympathise. Hope your day got better; thanks for posting your song!

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: JenEllen
Date: 16 Aug 00 - 12:06 AM

Love the song, hate the hormones....

I once stuck a spoon through the bottom of a tupperware bowl in a fit of hormonal mis-direction. UGH-LEEEEE

Loads of sympathy Kim, and try a hot oatmeal bath.

~Elle

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Aug 00 - 10:08 AM

Thanks, y'all! Today I am much better. I don't usually suffer much but it makes those little aggravations WAY more aggravating.

Hot oatmeal bath with a glass of wine on the side sounds like a plan, if I can manage to keep those Other People In My House out of the bathroom!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: celticblues5
Date: 16 Aug 00 - 11:09 AM

If you guys aren't familiar with Saffire:the Uppity Blueswomen, you need to get some of their stuff - great humor (and occasionally some pathos) related to being a woman. I *think* they have one about PMS, but can't put my finger on it. But I KNOW that they have one with the line "I need a young, young man to drive away my middle-aged blues." ;-)

And they have one they preface by saying that bluesmen are always talking about their snakes, roosters, & what-have-you (barely-veiled references to you-know-what), so they feel it is time to introduce a FEMALE blues animal - and then proceed to sing about a "pretty little silver beaver." - LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Aug 00 - 03:15 PM

heeheehee :)

Subject: Lyr Add: PMS BLUES
From: Barbara
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 03:09 PM

Here's another one, this about PMS. Sound familiar? Think this is a basic 12 bar blues. Is it Dolly Parton's, that you mentioned earlier? I don't know who wrote this one; I got it from a tape of an Alaska group called Beer Break.
Blessings,
Barbara

PMS BLUES
(from Beer Break)
(author unknown)

Take this newspaper 'way, Garfield is making me cry (poor Odie)
And I'm ticked off at Peanuts, and I honestly can't tell you why
L M Boyd must be thick,
This news makes me sick,
I'm just a once a month derelict

CHORUS:
I've got the PMS blues Mister, I've got 'em bad
I've got the PMS blues and it's making me sadder than sad
You best stay clear of me
Or you just might be
Today's first PMS casualty

Well, my reputation's ruined after what happened at the grocery store
(put 'em up, put'em up)
I can still see that clerk lying passed out cold on the floorbr> (you gonna fight like a man?)
Well, what can I say,
I mean, he got in my way
The hospital says he should get out any day

CHORUS

Well, my man is in hiding I know he's around her someplace
(Willie, Willie, dinner)
The last time I saw him he had a terrible look on his face
He said: Babe you're my wife,
I hate to see you have strife,
But, slow and easy, hand over that knife,

CHORUS

Well, there's nothing left to do but sit around and eat and moan (moan)
I just know I'd feel better if my old dog would decide to come back home (Wooser)
I didn't mean to hit him,
I was aiming at the cat
Now they're all gone and I'm just sitting here getting fat

CHO

... I mean you'd best stay away, at least for today
You'd best stay clear or you just might be
today's first PMS casualty

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Barbara
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 03:43 PM

And then there's this:

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: Kim C
Date: 18 Aug 00 - 04:17 PM

HeeeHeeHeeHeee!!!!! I love it.

Dolly's PMS Blues is a little different - she wrote it herself, I believe. Anyway it's on a live album she did - I think it's called Heartsongs. Great album.

Subject: RE: BS: Ode to PMS
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 00 - 02:12 PM

Barbara- wonderful!! Made me smile and I needed it.

Noreen