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Lyr Add: Jesus Loves Me (But He Can't Stand You)
DigiTrad:
JESUS LOVES ME
Related thread:
Lyr Req: Jesus Loves Me (25)
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Subject: Lyr Add: OPEN UP THEM PEARLY GATES^^ From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 25 Aug 00 - 03:40 AM Interesting that the Lounge Lizards hail from and perform in that hotbed of liberalism, Texas. I don't know if they need bodyguards or not. Here's a song Doc Watson sings (he also sings many serious spirituals, of course).
"Open Up Them Pearly Gates" --seed |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: hesperis Date: 25 Aug 00 - 01:20 AM Joe - I love that song!!! (To everybody who's asked for Little Hawk to post the full lyrics to his song - Nyah, nyah! I've heard it! LH - That is one fantastic song!) My stepdad is a serious Christian who loves discussing theology but doesn't attend church. When we first moved to Orillia we had ONE visit from missionaries, I think they were Jehovah's Witnesses, hard to keep all the different ones straight. He invited them in to tea, and tried to discuss the bible with them. They left in a real hurry, and we haven't had any other visits from them since, or from any of the other churches either. Whenever anyone quotes something at me to justify something I think is wrong, I just quote something that Christ himself said. They usually don't recognize my quote, either. Most of the annoying "Christians" don't even quote Christ, they quote Paul, or the Old Testament! What is with that? I'm not even a Christian, and I know more of his words than some so-called Christians. Grah! hesperis Fave bible quote number 3: "The Truth shall set you free." Number 2: "Forbad him not, for he that is not against us is on our part." Number 1: "I have set before thee life and death, therefore choose life." |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: CamiSu Date: 25 Aug 00 - 01:17 AM Yeah, and the ones who want to ban homosexuality usually don't seem to mind eating pork! Yet that's forbidden as well. I kind of like the rules Jesus put forth. Love God with all your heart, mind and soul, AND (he says elsewhere that this is more of a test) Love your neighbor as yourself. I don't recall him saying who your neighbor wasn't! and he chose as an example, one whom the Jews were not on the best of terms with (Samaritans). I guess I feel sorry for those poor sods who would sing this song and mean it. All those neat people they have to hate! |
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Subject: ADD: It Ain't Necessarily So From: Joe Offer Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:26 PM I think this one oughta be posted here. Thanks for bringing it up, Mbo. -Joe Offer-
It ain't necessarily so (Gershwin)
All:
Sportin' Life:
Li'l' David was small, but oh my!
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Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
All:
Sportin' Life:
L'il' Moses was found in a stream
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Sportin' Life:
Wadoo!
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
Ensemble:
Sportin' Life:
All:
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To get into Hebbben
Methus'lah lived nine hundred years,
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Sportin' Life:
I'm preachin' dis sermon to show
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Little Hawk Date: 24 Aug 00 - 04:04 PM Right on, Mbo. The atheist, like the religious man, makes his own hell...or his own heaven. In the latter case, it's a place with open doors. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Mbo Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:08 PM Fact is Willy, you cannot be "sent" to Hell. Hell is something personal one makes by themselves. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Willie-O Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:04 PM For more highly scientific analysis of Dr Laura, start with The Dr Laura Drinking Game and check out the links at the bottom... The popularity of people like Dr Laura, Fred Phelps et al has me feeling sympathy for those who have a personal faith, but don't use it as a way of beating other folks over the head. As expressed in thoughtful posts here by a number of Mudcat Christians. Willie-O |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: paddymac Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:03 PM LittleHawk - I, for one, would love to see "the rest" of your creative product. If that's just "the opener", it's gotta be, uh, insightful and informative. (:>) I really would like to see it. If you'd rather not post it here, I'd by happy to get via my personal page. Thanks. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Bert Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:49 AM As a Non-Christian, I've gotta say I agree with you Mbo. - love and compassion and helping one another. - I'll go for that. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Mbo Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:43 AM Heh heh...that should be "that you SHOULDN'T charge people for taxes." |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Mbo Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:38 AM My priest says that none of the stuff in the OT is to be takes too literally. Father Tom has worked in San Francisco for many years, working with the homeless, alcoholics, drug addicts, gay & lesbians, and others that our society looks down on. He worked to show that (at least for people in a Christian context) that the stuff religious radicals spout from the Bible is not all to be accepted, that (once again, withig a Christian context, here) that God loves them, and it doesn't matter what some ancient scholar wrote. His friend in Pittsburg has rejected his own son because he is gay, and he believes SO much in the literal meaning of the Bible, he is unwilling to see how blind he is. Father Tom is trying to get him to see that he is WRONG and like the song says "It ain't neccesarily so." He said "Yeah, the Bible also says that you should charge people for taxes. Do we do that too?" The Bible is a great piece of literate, some of the content is outdated, so it can't be taken too literally. Other Biblical messages...well, it's hard NOT to believe them, like love and compassion and helping on another. --Matt |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Irish sergeant Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:24 AM Whistle Stop: That was my point. There are those who want us to burn all homosexuals and stone those who committ adultry. Our history is replete with people who preach and practice being children of a vengeful Old Testament God but ignore the teachings of his son. A song once lamented "We love the Baby but we crucified the man" Remember that Christ himself spoke in parables. I think his message boils down to the Golden rule. (Not the one that states he who has the gold makes the rules) The messaage of the Bible is supposed to be one of hope and love not a game plan for turning a nation into a theocratic dictatorship. Enough of a rant for one day. Kindest reguards, Neil |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Biskit Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:58 PM Leave it to my little Buddy LtS that was really great Liz thanks. That web site was HORRID though,the music alone was enough to scare you away from reading any further-Biskit- |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Little Hawk Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:23 PM Exactly. I subscribe to part of it, but not all of it, and that's the way it is with everything in life, I find. Dictatorships, however, whether they be political or religious or emotional in nature will generally demand that you subscribe to ALL of it. And they'll make life hell for you if you don't. A good thing that our thought dreams can't be seen. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Whistle Stop Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:13 PM Liz, that's priceless -- I don't think I've ever seen anything that expresses this point so forcefully. Irish sergeant, I understand what you're saying, and agree that a lot of what's in the Old Testament was written with a liberal application of poetic license. But the truth is that those Old Testament laws cited above WERE intended to be taken literally. I think it's funny how so many modern-day folks express their belief in "the Bible" generally, but conveniently overlook the particulars. Somehow a lot of people find it too painful to say that they subscribe to part of what's in there, but not all of it. Why is that so hard? |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Liz the Squeak Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:21 AM Well thanks, but I'm just passing on some of the tosh that comes my way via the wierd friends I have.... my sister insists on sending me the most trite and pathetic allegedly "religous" crap that would make the pope barf, and it was great to get a bit for the other side! LTS |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: CamiSu Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:17 AM Cool! got it on the first try! Thanks Morticia! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: CamiSu Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:15 AM I first heard the Austin Lounge Lizards do this at a small theater in White River Junction and thought I might die laughing. Unfortunately, there are LOTS of people who think that way! I think Jesus would (or maybe does?) find this as funny as we do, remember the people he had the worst things to say about, were the "scribes and pharisees, the hypocrites". (sorry, I haven't paid my syntax lately...) BTW I say this as a VERY committed Christian who tries to do it the way Jesus did, is aware that (nearly) all religions have some truth, and that there are people out there who profess no religion who do a whole lot better at this life bit than I do! I don't forget to laugh at myself, either. Maybe that's why my youngest's Sunday School teacher doesn't quite approve of our family (though we don't quite approve of her either...) Liz, thanks SO MUCH for that letter to Dr. Laura! She's one I've had a hard time doing anything other yelling about. But early Sluggy Freelance had a character based not too loosely on her, Dr Lorna. if you want, check out Sluggy (click) Mbo, of course there are people who mean it, and anger and fear just feed them, but laughter is a great weapon! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Pene Azul Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:06 AM Yeah Spaw, that'll screw up the ol' search engine :^) PA |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: catspaw49 Date: 23 Aug 00 - 08:54 AM Not only should that be embarassing to Father Joebro, but I also gave him the Iris DeMent Lyrics site for his FAQ!!! Uh, Joe..........Are you in love or something? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Pene Azul Date: 23 Aug 00 - 08:46 AM Joe, here it is, as posted by Joe Offer in '97. PA |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Lena Date: 23 Aug 00 - 05:32 AM It almost kneeled me down!!! |
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Subject: Jesus May Love You, But I Don't From: Joe Offer Date: 23 Aug 00 - 04:42 AM Iris Dement did a song that went someting like this: God may forgive you, but I won'tAnybody have the whole song? I thought we had it here, but I can't find it - search engine is screwy. -Joe Offer- |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: celticblues5 Date: 23 Aug 00 - 01:14 AM Liz - thanks so much! A terrific set of musings! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Bill D Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:35 PM missed the beginning of this thread, but the title reminds me of "I Can See Your Aura, and it's Ugly" (You know, I think that Leviticus feller would have been a blast to live near...) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Bud Savoie Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:30 PM I thought that site was a riot. I've bookmarked it, so I can go back to it whenever I'm feeling low. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Brendy Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:00 PM Neil. That is one of the truest, and most insightful posts I have seen in a long time. B. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Skivee Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:45 PM My regrets to Morticia and anyone else distressed by the "Yourgoingtohell"site. In posting the site I only meant to expose bigotry that amused because of it's vast, poorly spelled, and self-absorbed hyperbole. It seemed to me to go with the song that we were discussing. The creator of the site takes it very seriously. Most of us see it for what it is. Perhaps it would have been better if I had warned of the mean spirited nature of the site. MMario, Kat dyd help me spel thiss. X... his mark |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Irish sergeant Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:16 PM Having just commented on a thread about Armenia. Let me throw my hat into the ring. The song is funny unfortunately, there are people who believe ther bible should be interperated literally including all the old testament punishments. There are some scary wackoes out there and I advise caution when bandying lyrics about. the psychotic joinming in the laughter may be packing a weapon Take good care, Kindest reguards, Neil |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Little Hawk Date: 22 Aug 00 - 03:46 PM Great contribution, Liz. I have printed a copy for posterity. It should come in handy when deciding who to stone, smite, etc. :-) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: SINSULL Date: 22 Aug 00 - 03:22 PM You are forgiven by me, Morticia. Don't count on forgiveness from the creator of that website. To get back to the topic at hand:
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 03:00 PM Gary, I think it was the space between the < and the a that did it.......but look guys, seriously, I didn't get a proper look at that site before I dashed back here to be 'helpful'.....I thought it was some sort of joke.....looking again I found the worst kind of pernicious, bigoted crap it has ever been my misfortune to read.....I am really sorry if anyone is offended by it, I know I was.I would rather have helped direct you to a porn site than this one....anyone wishing to give me grief over this, please feel free to do so,you can't call me anything I haven't called myself.....I'm sorry. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Liz the Squeak Date: 22 Aug 00 - 02:47 PM Here's a little something on the subject that I was sent - as the pet Christian, my pagan friends are trying to subvert me..... they may just have suceeded with this one...! For those of you that are not following the recent controversy that has to do with Laura Schlessinger: she is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Paramount Television Group is currently producing a "Dr. Laura" television show. Recently she has become a convert to Judaism, and now she is Ba'al T'shuvah and has made some statements about homosexuals that has caused the Canadian anti-hate laws to censure her. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura which was posted on the internet. ENJOY! Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread. (cotton/polyester blend) He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan. LTS ducking and running for cover..... Mucked with the formatting - Bert |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Gary T Date: 22 Aug 00 - 02:27 PM Glad you got it, Mortie. Was it the lack of quotation marks that kept the second one from working? (I'm still learning.) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:27 PM phew.........got the little sucker that time....thanks MMario :) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:26 PM just ran over and had a quick practise on the appropriate thread ......lets try one more time.....click here |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: MMario Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:21 PM Mort - as far as I can tell, you left out the "a" in your first try - the second time the only thing I saw wrong was that you had a space before the a. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: JedMarum Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:09 PM yes, Shambles ... I believe he would/does ... have a great sense of humor! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:09 PM told you I needed practise........bugger.....anyone see where I cocked up please? |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:07 PM try again click here |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: The Shambles Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:05 PM I like the song, especially the line about his second language. Set me of thinking of some more like…….. Jesus loves me, but I think we maybe 'kind of' rushing things. Jesus loves me, but he didn't take his sandals off……… I would like to think that the son of god must have had a great sense of humour? |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 01:04 PM Skivee, I'm not one of anyone's children but I need the practise in doing blue clickies so here goes. click here Oh my, this is one scary site......not to be followed up by those of a nervous disposition.....although the little devil reminds me of someone.....can't think who right now. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: MMario Date: 22 Aug 00 - 12:55 PM Skiv - have Kat or Peg!(tm) read you the appropriate section of the MudCat FAQ - found here url=http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=19340&messages=97#196946
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Skivee Date: 22 Aug 00 - 12:48 PM I was recently pointed toward this site: www.yourgoingtohell.com Yup, that's "your",... not "you're". It appears that the ALL laws of grammer and spelling may be broken, as long as you keep All the laws of God. Could one of God's children show me how reach blue clicky enlightenment? |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: DougR Date: 22 Aug 00 - 12:38 PM celticblues5: Funny song, but get ready to duck! DougR |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Jed at Work Date: 22 Aug 00 - 12:21 PM I saw a bumper sticker once that said "God is my Co-pilot" I saw it first on a car that turn left across a busy road in front of me, narrowly missing a car coming the other way, and causing me to jack up on my brakes toa void hitting him. All I could think was that the drive must not have been paying attention to his co-pilot! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Little Hawk Date: 22 Aug 00 - 12:20 PM Yeah, I wouldn't have the bad judgement to put any such bumper sticker on my car, you can bet on that! Here's the first verse from a song I wrote: "Jesus was not a Christian, he didn't make war on the Moors, he didn't raise up big cathedrals on the back of starving poor, he didn't rewrite ancient holy books, then use them to enslave, he didn't burn old women at the stake and put healers in the grave." It gets even more pointed after that. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: GUEST,Mickey191 Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:32 AM Little Hawk, With that bumper sticker-wonder how long before the car gets trashed? Great song. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: GUEST,Mickey191 Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:28 AM Little Hawk, With that bumper sticker - how long before the car gets trashed? Just wondering. Great song. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Little Hawk Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:12 AM There's another bumper sticker that reads "Lord Jesus, protect me from your followers!" I like that one. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: MMario Date: 22 Aug 00 - 10:06 AM This is one of those pieces that strikes me both ways. it IS funny - unless you know people who think this way, and unfortunately, I do. I know people who could sing this and mean every single lyric. THAT is not only NOT funny, but sick-making.
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Kim C Date: 22 Aug 00 - 10:03 AM Ha! It's like one of my fave Lyle Lovett songs:
God will, but I won't (or did I get it backwards? Dang, I never can remember....) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: katlaughing Date: 22 Aug 00 - 09:37 AM Excellent, thanks! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Morticia Date: 22 Aug 00 - 09:14 AM this is brilliant....what a hoot, thanks! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: JedMarum Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:13 AM great stuff, good humor! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: ol'troll Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:53 AM Stand by for heavy rolls. troll |
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Subject: RE: Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You From: Gary T Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:48 AM I love it! I'll have to look for a recording of this. Reminds me of a favorite bumper sticker--"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an a**hole". |
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Subject: Lyr Add: JESUS LOVES ME (BUT HE CAN'T STAND YOU) From: celticblues5 Date: 22 Aug 00 - 02:14 AM I mentioned this song in another thread, and someone asked for the complete lyrics. This is by the Austin Lounge Lizards. The verses are pretty much just spoken, and the choruses are sung - if anyone has the chords for the chorus or the music for the underlying melody of the spoken parts, I'd appreciate that being posted. (spoken:)I know you smoke, I know you drink that brew I just can't abide a sinner like you You know, God can't either, that's why I know it to be true That Jesus loves me, but he can't stand you I'm goin' straight to heaven, boys, when I die 'Cause I've crossed every T and I've dotted every I Why, my preacher tells me that I'm God's kind of guy That's why Jesus loves me.....but you're gonna fry (cho) - God loves all His children, by gum That don't mean He won't incinerate some Can't you feel those hot flames lickin' you? Woo-ooo-ooo-oo (spoken) - I'm raisin' my kids in a righteous way So don't you be bringin' your kids over to my house to play Why, yours will grow up stoned, left-leaning, and gay I know - Jesus told me on the phone today (cho) - Jesus loves me, this I know And he told me where you're gonna go There's lots of room for your kind - down below Wo-wo-wo-o (spoken, with "Jesus loves me but he can't stand you" by chorus under) - Jesus loves me, he loves me real good I know he does because he called me up on the phone today and told me how much he loves me He said, "Son, I loooooove you" He speaks English pretty well, considering it's a second language for him You can talk to him too, you know, I've got a 900-number in Tulsa that you can call him at - I do it all the time He'll be glad to hear from you, I talk to him every day (together, lead & chorus, half-spoken, half-sung) - Jesus loves me, but he can't stand you! |
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