Worst pop song ever!

Subject: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:10 PM

To qualify for this prestigious award, the song has to be intended seriously on its own level. In other words, it can't be a novelty song like "Gitarzan" or "Winchester Cathedral", and it can't be a parody. It has to be a completely unintentional violation of all that is tasteful, meaningful and legitimate in the field of serious songwriting.

My nomination is: "Sometimes When We Touch" by Dan Hill.

The field is now open...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:12 PM

No no please no! Not this thread! Have we ever had, by the way, a "Worst Folk Song" thread?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: jeffp
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:12 PM

MacArthur Park, by Richard Harris

jeffp

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Gern
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:24 PM

Formidable start with Dan Hill, but the field is still wide open. I am tempted toward "Having My Baby"("And Don't You Forget It, Neither") by Paul Anka.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,The Invisible Blazoona
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:24 PM

"Havin' My Baby" by Paul Anka

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:29 PM

"Me and You and a Dog Named Boo" by Lobo (Roland Kent Lavoie)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:31 PM

We certainly did have a Worst song competition here at leat 2-3 years ago. I can't find the thread at the moment, but if I recall correctly from my compilation of the votes, the top five were: Macarthur Park, The Wedding Song, Having My Baby, Tie a Yellow Ribbon, and Kumbaya. There were many honourable mentions.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Kim C
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:33 PM

I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new key.... wasn't the girl's name Melanie or something?

I don't know if this counts as a novelty song or not, but does anyone remember, about 1978-9 or so, a song called Telephone Man? It went, hey baby I'm your telephone man/if you show me where you want it then I'll put it where I can/you can have it with a buzz you can have it with a ring/and if you really want it you can have a dingaling...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:37 PM

Mbo, clicky here for a list of people's least favorite folky songs.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:38 PM

Oh God,,, I thought I'd got rid of that blasted song for ever, but no, here it is where you least expect it!!!

Bloody telephone man.... mind you, was it as bad as 'kissing with confidence'?

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:39 PM

Down Town da da de da de dum!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:47 PM

Hey, I LOVE Downtown.... Les Barker's new book has a great parody of it, called Downstairs.. had me in hysterics again!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:49 PM

I don't think "MacArthur Park" quit fits the definition of a seriously intended song lyric...but I could be wrong, I suppose.

"Having My Baby" is indeed a killer. Hard to beat. Curiously enough, Paul Anka's very next hit (again in a deathless duet with Odia Coates) was "One Man Woman"..."you caught me foolin' around with somebody new, you caught me foolin' around, now I'm losin' you...". This is ironical. Apparently his interest in the new mother and child situation flagged rather rapidly...if you can believe the songs.

Don't nominate William Shatner doing "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" or anything else either...those cannot be called serious renditions of songs.

Here's another nomination: "You And Me Against The World" I think it was by Helen Reddy, wasn't it?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:50 PM

Thanks Jeri, that one brings back memories (shudder), but there were two or three continuations -- this seems to be a perennial topic. I wonder where my final compilation list is..... Dave Barry in the interim published a book of his favourite worsts.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:51 PM

Ah well Liz me luv, I love Pet Clarke, but I still think that song is awful. It just screeches, like fingernails on a blackboard.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,rabbitrunning
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:51 PM

Hey Little Girl.

Wives should always be lovers too.

Yeh.

:p

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:53 PM

Anybody remember "Timothy?" About the guys trapped in a mine or something and eating a mule. (At least I heard it was a mule, but I don't remember anything about livestock in the song.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:54 PM

I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me... or as we sang it, I've never been to Leeds.... dreadful or what?

And anything by Sheena Easton..... I don't give a s**t what your baby does on that sodding morning train!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:01 PM

"Killing me softly with his song"" Give me a break!

But the ALL TIME WORST!!!!
FEEEEELLLLLIIIINNNGGSSSS WHOA WHOA WHOA FFFFFEEEEELLLLIIINNNGGSS WHOA WHOA WHOA FFFEEEEEEEEEELLLLLIIINNNGGGSSSS...are there any other words to this?

Honey is in there too.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:10 PM

Grandma we love you??

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:12 PM

Downtown by a head yuk!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Pseudolus
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:15 PM

Jeri, Timothy was a song by a band named Dubois, and it was about a guy and his two friends Joe and Timothy. they get trapped in a mine, like you said, they were incredibly hungry. They pass out and then wake up not hungry anymore and "nobody ever got around to finding Timothy"!!!! the chorus....

Timothy, Timothy, Where on earth did you go, Timothy, Timothy, God why don't I know....

One of my favorite cannibal songs. OK, it's the ONLY cannibal song I know!!

Another nomination, how about "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" by (I think) the 1910 Bubble gum Company, or something like that....

Frank

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:25 PM

Yeah, I think FEEEELINGGS!!! is the worst, by golly. This will be a big letdown for Paul Anka fans.

I did a parody of "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" entitled "Strange Girls Keep Landing In My Bed". It's full of exaggerations, fanciful inventions, and outright lies...but it's fun to sing.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:29 PM

Well, at least this is a before-my-time thing. I can say that I have never heard "Feelings" before. Also, if you don't listen to the radio, you won't have anything to complain about.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:32 PM

Oh Mbo - you are missing out on such wonderful songs as 'The Streak' by Ray Stevens, 'I wish I could fly' by Keith Harris and Orville, 'the Birdie Song' by some twit, and 'Two little Boys' by Rolf Harris. You really ought to listen to the radio more...

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,emily b
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:34 PM

How about "Oh, Micky you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Micky! Hey Micky!" It was a 1980's cheerleader-y early predecessor to rap, or something. Almost hate to even call it a song. But it does have a good dance beat...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:35 PM

Yes, "Timothy" is on the list of all-time great songs about cannibalism; in fact it might be the list. "Yummy, Yummy" was by the 1910 Fruitgum Company, a group made up of studio musicians. I think revenge was the motive.

I can't imagine a worse song than "I am Woman" (hear me roar, though I'm such a crashing bore) by the inimitable Helen Reddy. Although "For All the Girls" by Willie and Julio Iglesias is right up there. And the list goes ever onward.

FLASH!! I think I've just discovered my "special purpose" in life. I'm going to write a song that is so-o-o-o-o bad that it ends discussions like these forever. It'll have to be sincere. It'll have to be timeless. It'll have to make children dance, women cry, and grown men go "oh sh*t". And it'll be a smash hit. Sorry, I gotta go. I'm on a mission that may last a lifetime. If anyone has any suggestions on what I should put in my song (although I won't really be writing it, I'll just be the vessel), maybe we can start another thread.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jed at Work
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:38 PM

Hands down, it's gotta be:

I Write the Songs

Not that som eof these others aren't real stinkers, but Barry's beast has got to be the very worst the world has ever known!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:41 PM

Liz, "The Streak" is a classic! I know just about every Ray Stevens song imaginable. "Bridget the Midget" is a classic. I can do all the voices.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Burke
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:50 PM

God didn't make little green apples!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:56 PM

Pseudolus/Frank, I went looking for lyrics (didn't find 'em) and found a sound clip by The Bouys.(sp?) I remember watching an interview with the guy who wrote it, and he claimed it was a mule. Maybe he was getting too much flak for a cannibal song. (Damn - what did he do with the leftover bits?)

Both "Yummy Yummy" and "Chewy Chewy" were 1910 Fruitgum Co hits. They were pretty bad songs (gave rise to the term "bubble-gum rock" though.) The songs got me some free popcorn during a theater showing of "Night of the Living Dead." Apparently my friend's stomach couldn't handle both the movie and me singing those songs and giggling. (I was about 14. The lyrics went "Yummy yummy yummy, I've got mom in my tummy...")

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:00 PM

Anything by Oasis!!! ;-)

Jon

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Morticia
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:01 PM

You've forgotten the immortal classics " Chirpy,Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep" and "Boom, Bang-a Bang" although for sheer vomitsome cringeworthiness, my vote has to be with " Save Your Kisses for Me".........yyyeeeuuuchh........if this squirrels you are in sooo much trouble, Little Hawk.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:07 PM

"Oh What a Lonely Boy" I forget who sang it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:15 PM

Bartholomew, for your lyrics you should use all of the song titles in this thread. It would have to be a hit.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:15 PM

But Earl, that's a great song! You gotta hear the Blackhawk version...it's got a banjo in it. JON!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:17 PM

34 messages in less than 2 hours - is this a record?

(OK - sorry - I suppose it could be called thread creep)

Rana

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:18 PM

and 2 more came while I was typing - I know I'm slow...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:23 PM

Mbo, Unless you're just pulling my chain it cant be the same song. The one I'm thinking of is whiney and self-pitying and always on my car radio in the 70's.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:27 PM

Blackhawk did a peppy version with a banjo, just 2 years ago. And yes, it was the same song!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:35 PM

Abraham, Martin and John, by Dion. PLEASE look at this web site. And if it doesn't make you puke, try this one or this one.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:34 PM

God forgive me, I looked. It made me think of another category: songs that sound ok until you hear them about a thousand times like "Margaritaville" or "Bye bye Miss American Pie"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:34 PM

Any of Poison's hits from the late 80s-early 90s. I Want Action, Talk Dirty To Me, etc. Pure crap.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:47 PM

*thread creep warning*

Remember "Convoy"? Well the guy who did it also did a great song about Alferd Packer (and yes, I spelled it right) the only man ever convicted of cannibalism in Colorado. The chorus went something like:

Comin' back for more, he's a comin' back for more
Al's Cafe

So that's one more for the cannibals!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:52 PM

God, I love it! The cringeworthiness just goes on and on. How about "Hey, Little Red Riding Hood".

Lepus, I have GOT to hear some of that Poison stuff now. I will try to find some at the Salvation Army store or something. Fear and loathing in Schenectady....

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:55 PM

Rabbit, C.W. McCall sang "Convoy" as well as some other classics. I think I know them all by heart. I liked "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" by Poison.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:04 PM

Little Hawk - you're in Schenectady! I grew up in Alplause!

BTW, I used to LOVE "Little Red Riding Hood!!!" (Sam the Sham and the Pharoes, eh?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:05 PM

To me, the worst form of song (whatever genre) is something I loath that still manages to get lodged in my brain and rattle round there to torment me.

Telephone Man is one such song and it managed to do it on more than one occasion, the last time being as a result of someone in uk.music.folk asking who sung it (I provided the answer but it has gone). He ended up with the same problem as me (hating it and stuck in his head). Take care KimC incase the same fate awaits you ;-)

As for Brand New Pair Of RollerSkates - Who did the Brand New Combine Harvester - The Wurzels?

Jon

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:28 PM

T'was Adge Cutler and the Wurzels, that did the Combine Harvester Song, Jon.

Rana

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:30 PM

Yes Jon - Wurzels.

Let me also take the time to mention Neil Diamond. Let me offer "I Am I Said," which has got some ridiculous lyrics and also manages to "squirrel."
I am I said (I'm not going to argue)
To no one there (uh...whatever)
And no one heard at all (are you surprised?) Not even the chair (duh)

(And Alplaus doesn't have an "e.")