DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!

Subject: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:53 AM

This is an experiment. Some of you have complained that you start off a brilliant thread...and then NOBODY, and I do mean NOBODY bothers to post to it, and it dies an ignominious death.

Well, here we have a thread that is anything but brilliant. It's simply tedious, and essentially valueless.

I want to see how much self-control you mudcatters have. Show your good taste and self-control by NOT posting to this thread, and it will die the early death it so richly deserves.

I was going to tell you to 'Sod Off' Little Hawk, but the last time I said that to someone, it was taken way too seriously and I got umpteen PMs about it. So have fun, I bet you get a LOT of response to this.

Bert.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:24 AM

(Figures it would be you!)

Sorry. Self-control? Nonexistent.
Good taste? I don't know, ask my hamster. She mistook me for food once. (In her defense, I ate cinnamon cookies and hadn't washed my hands before picking her up.)

I'm trying to think of something brilliant to say now, but I think I've had it for the night.

Wandering off humming "Crown of Summer" and occasionally walking through invisible gates into worlds I have known before...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: thosp
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:31 AM

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:58 AM

Is it possible to have only part of a cookie? Sometimes when I get into the mudcat, I can access my personal pages but when I go to post something, my name isn't there.

Just wondering

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Les Nebulous
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:03 AM

Did the hampster eat part of your cookie too, Carol?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:27 AM

thosp - you sure have a way with words.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:31 PM

I supose it's better than eating your words.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:42 PM

This is fun.

Anyone want some lemonade with those cookies?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:43 PM

Yes please, those threads get caught in your teeth.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: annamill
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:30 PM

There was a young lady from (Nices??)
That had breasts of two different sizes
One was small, nothing at all
The other was large and won prizes

I can post anywhere I damn please.

Sorry I just read the Pete Seeger HUAC thread ;-) Feeling kinda rebelious.

Love, annamill (justdontsoundrightdoesitbutitis)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Midchuck
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:01 PM

Will if I want to! Phhhhhhht!

Peter.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Sara
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:14 PM

To Annamill, How about placing Devizes (a town in Wiltshire England) at the end of the first line.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:16 PM

} : ~ *>)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:25 PM

I am known around here as "the song doctor". Just ask Mike Latter. I suggest the following revisions to your limerick:

There was a young maid from Devizes
Who had breasts of quite differing sizes
One was really quite small, almost nothing at all
While the other so large it won prizes

Then there's this one....

A Chinese bricklayer named Fong
Had a "tool" so incredibly long
A professor named Blake mistook it for a snake
Now it's in a glass case in Hong Kong

Maybe we should launch a limerick thread...

---

--- Line breaks <br> added ---
-- PA --

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:43 PM

Guest Nebulus,

I don't have a hampster. Just spiders.

Higgledy Piggledy
Vladimir Horowitz
Played the piano
While picking his nose

Psychoanalysis
Failed to dissuade him
As quick or as well
As the snot on his clothes

There

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

You know, I think snot on the piano keys would be worse than snot on clothes.
Clothes you can just throw in the wash.
Speaking of which...

Gotta go!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

Whoops. Forgot to put in the "break" symbol on those 2 limericks I posted...sorry.

What is this "hampster" stuff? The word is "hamster" isn't it? I think a hampster would have to be a hamster from Hampstead.

Pedantic grammar nazis of the world, take note!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Benjamin
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:25 PM

So Mbo,

How's Lisa?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:47 PM

Don't know Ben! She hasn't mailed the letter yet!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: annamill
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:01 PM

I always put my dirty clothes with snots on 'em in the hampster ;-)

Great thread!

L.,A.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:21 PM

Why? It's easier to leave 'em on the floor. I mean stuffing snotty clothes into a poor little inoffensive furry beady-eyed....what were we talking about?

Coming nurse! Medication time already?

troll

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 08:52 PM

There was a young man from DunDee Got stung on the neck by a --(wasp) when askedif it hurt, he said, not at all, in fact it can do it again.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:09 PM

There once was a maid from Nantucket
Who liked making love in a bucket
When the men asked her why
She said "Listen here, guy
Either you do it my way or...(you finish it)

You could fit at least 2000 hamsters in your average hampster...but they wouldn't be happy hamsters, would they?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Marymac90
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:48 PM

Little Hawk,

I loved the verse of the song about Jesus that you put in that other thread about JC. You indicated there was more of your song, and the rest was more pointed than what you wrote there-great! Will you share it all with us?

BTW-I'd be interested in knowing what gender you are, if you'd care to indicate that as well.

Marymac

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:51 PM

I think he could debate that one with you, Mary. *BG*

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:11 PM

Ha! Ha! Good one, Brendy.

In this incarnation I am unquestionably male. If you go to the Mudcat resources section, you can see some photos, old and new.

Along Brendy's implied line of thinking, I do believe that all human beings are both male and female in a spiritual sense, but in a physical sense they are generally either one or the other. Fortunately. Life can be confusing enough as it is. I also believe that the shadow side of every male is the hidden female aspect within him, and vice versa for females. The fact is, we are all One.

I have an old friend in Orillia who is nicknamed Mary Mac. How about that?

I will put the "Jesus Was Not A Christian" lyrics on tomorrow sometime, okay?

See ya.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:21 PM

*sitting on my hands, else they type MANY limericks*

ohh...stop...(right hand working it's way free!!)no..stop! too late!!!!!!!!!

Titian, while mixing rose-madder,
Had a model pose nude on a ladder.
The position, to Titian,
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and had 'er.

*spanking hand*..."Bad hand! Bad!!!"

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:21 AM

Wow! Look at those double-dactyls on CarolC! All the best,
Seamus

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:37 AM

Seamus Kennedy, you made me have to go look up double-dactyls in my dictionary.

Anyway, I didn't write it (wish I had, though) ; )

Tyrannosaurus was a beast
that had no friends, to say the least.
It ruled the ancient out-of-doors,
and slaughtered other dinosaurs.

I stole that one too.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:43 AM

Well, I wandered back in, and this place seems to have turned into the Mudcat equivalent of the Old Fisherman's Guild from (wacky computer game) Quest for Glory 5:
HHhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhnnnn... HHHHHnnnnnnn.....
zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz........
SNUHrk! .......... gligguh, SNUHrk!

Sleep well all, on your "interesting medications."

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 01:33 AM

There once was a man from Levine
Who invented a fu#&ing machine
Concave or convex
It could take either sex
But Oh what a bitch to keep clean

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 02:45 AM

Wherefore my mien (so vicissitudinous) and I,
professorial, suave, and pulchitudinous,
my Czechoslovak colleagues left me harassed;
schistosomiasis renders them embarrassed.
This ill-judged contretemps I found fatiguing.
I kicked their cupboard masochisms intriguing. With penicillin
I doused my aching femur;
My niece harangued me as a knavish schemer:
"Let's Pas de deux", she urged with edgy rancour.
We sacheted blithely, twining in a cancour.
I benefitted from my glitzy terpsichoreans;
My leg stopped aching. Then two young historians
deep in contemning, aptly reconnoitred a table,
newly chamfered, planed and mitred,
to apprehend my niece, who now quite bilious,
had disembowelled my old senile diphyllus
aspidistra, whereupon my parrot
(or parakeet, or cockatoo) the harlot,
plummetted in, pernicious and exotic.
And bit. My niece shrieked, "Now I'm psittacoctic"

*BG*

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 03:08 AM

Brendy, I'm sorry about your niece.

(Aspidistra have bowels?)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 03:14 AM

That was one hell of a night, I can tell you!!!!!

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Noreen
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 04:18 AM

A baby sardine saw his first submarine
He was scared and watched through a peephole
"Oh come come come," said the sardine's mum
"It's only a tin full of people"

-Spike Milligna, that well-known typing error :0)

Noreen

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 05:13 AM

The opposite of gravity is levity. -Eric Idle

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: sledge
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 05:36 AM

There oncw was a young man from Nantucket
Who went to sea in a bucket
In the midst of a gale
He sighted a whale
And calmly proceeded to F#*%k it.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Quincy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 06:03 AM

There was a young nun called Vera,
Who wouldn't let anyone near her,
'Til a dirty old monk
Crept into her bunk
And now she's a Mother Superior!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 07:51 AM

There was a young lady named Todd,

Who thought babies all came from God.

But it weren't the Almighty,

Who lifted her nighty,

T'were Roger the Lodger. That sod!

troll

Limericks. Puns. Where will it all end? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 07:58 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggy a bone
But when she bent over
Old Rover took over
And gave her a bone of his own

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 08:30 AM

There once was a woman from Norway Who hung from her heels in the doorway She called to her hon Come quick, on the run I think I've discovered one more way!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:19 PM

They actually have an official limerick contest in Orillia once a year at the Stephen Leacock home, which is a heritage site here in Orillia. It has attached to it a small vistor's centre, where the Orillia Folk Society used to hold its song circle, and still holds regular concerts. I believe we will be hosting Rick Fielding at an upcoming one this Fall.

At any rate, one year I entered some limericks in the contest. One of them went like this...

A conceited old bugger named Leacock
Used to strut 'round this town like a peacock
Till they got an old boat
And set him afloat
With no paddle, and opened the sea cocks

It didn't win anything. I was amused...they were not.

Had the one about Titian been submitted, I think it might well have placed or even won.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Quincy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:57 PM

And another........


There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 01:34 AM

Take note, hesperis...got a new one!

A dog owned by Mortimer Jones
Tried devouring dinosaur bones
But he gave up at last
After passing some gas
And a 17 pound kidney stone

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 08:42 AM

Great limericks, Little Hawk.

Bill D, how about lets have some more of yours.
PLEASE?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:27 PM

LH - I was trying to avoid this thread...

I have never been able to write the goddamn things.
(Pardon my language.)

She can't write limericks, I say
And maybe it's better this way
For each time she tried
She sat down and cried
Then threw the goddamn thing away

I can't believe I just did that!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:37 PM

Good start, Hesperis! It took me about 20 minutes of false starts last night before I came up with the "dog" one all of a sudden. Try prayer. It might work.

I sweated for ages over one that started...

An insane physicist from L.A.
Tried to measure the whole Milky Way
First he ran out of tape
Then his lab rats escaped
Now he's.... Someone finish it, please? And don't screw up the meter!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

Now he's lost somewhere in Pompei

((Whatever!))

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: MichaelM
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 06:13 PM

The perennial winner of the national limerick contest sent in his usual fabulous concoction and waited for the usual first place prize and cheque. After several weeks with no response he phoned the head office of Limerick Inc. to inquire about his prize. The person who answered the phone told him that he had finished second that year ergo no prize. "Impossible" he fumed "read me the winning entry." She replied that she couldn't possibly repeat some of the words in the pize-winner but would substitute "beep" for a word she couldn't bring herself to say. So.....

Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep beep fuck.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 06:54 PM

Hesperis,

This one's for you. (It's some kind of haiku or cinquain or something. Can't remember exactly.)

Conjure
a poem from
this majic hat of mind
poetry is impossible
I think

I wrote that one myself

Carol

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: DougR
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 08:10 PM

The only one I know, and I hope I'm no repeating one already written.

There once was a couple named Kelly, who had to sleep belly to belly, because in their haste, they used library paste, instead of petrolium jelly.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 11:13 PM

Whoa! Got another new one...

An old sailor from Island of Skye
Downed a 50 ounce bottle of rye
And when it was done
He said "That's nothing, son
Yesterday I drank Canada dry!"

And as for the insane physicist....

An insane physicist from L.A.
Tried to measure the whole Milky Way
First he ran out of tape
Then his lab rats escaped
Now he's deep frying cod in Bombay

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 02:29 AM

LH - Perfect ending! (Mine wasn't funny.)

Carol - That is beautiful. It has a haiku 'feel' to it, even though it's not in a classic meter for haiku. (As far as I remember...)
I'm saving that one!

Classic haiku form is:
3
7
3

Classic extended haiku form is: 3
7
3
7
7

(FYI in case: the numbers given here represent syllables. (Hopefully I've remembered it somewhat correctly. It's been a long time since Grade 9 English.))

Here's one of my best poems, posted just for you:

butterfly
bright flutter of wings
and then gone

~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 02:48 AM

Thanks hesperis, and thanks again.

I wrote that in a creative writing class in one of my earlier college experiences a number of years ago. The assignment was to write a poem with this form:

2
4
6
8
2 (syllables)

The teacher called them haiku, but everyone tells me that it is not a haiku. Some have suggested that it's a cinquain, but I honestly don't know what it is. (Can anybody out there help?)

Yours is beautiful too.

Carol

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 04:39 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess!

Jack and Jill went up the hill
They each had a buck and a quarter
When jack and Jill came down the hill
Jill had two dollars and fifty cents
Bet they didn't go up for the water!

Hicory Dickory Doc
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The other two escaped with minor injuries
Film at eleven

Subject: Limericks etc.
From: Brendy
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 04:48 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her Alsatian some bread.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
So she ate the Alsatian instead.

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumps over the candlestick.
Silly boy. Should have jumped higher.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

Ther was a young lady from Tottenham,
who'd no manners, or else she'd forgotten 'em.
For at tea at the vicar's,
she tore of her knickers,
because, she explained, she felt hot in 'em.

Little Miss Moffat sat on her toffet,
her knickers all tattered and torn.
It wasn't a spider that sat down beside her,
but Little Boy Blue, with his horn.

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 05:31 AM

We got trouble
Right here in River City
That starts with T
And that rhymes with P
And that stands for... poetry

-Garrison Keillor

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 12:19 PM

Another new one!

Egbert, a lascivious duck
Tried mounting a parked poultry truck
He dismembered his balls
And got nothing at all
But a chorus of indignant clucks

This is the productive way I spend my mornings...

Ah, here's another....

Doon the street staggered Willie MacBride
Wi' a bucket o' booze by his side
Said he, wi' a grin
"If water was gin,
I'd swallow the whole River Clyde."

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: little john cameron
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 06:28 PM

Here's ane ah wrote fur mah pals on the Dundee site.

There wis a wee man fae Dundee
went oot tae the sheuch fur a pee
when a bg double decker
ran ower his pecker
noo he's no he,he's a she. ljc

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:28 PM

A deranged chiropodist from France
Went bike riding without any pants
The effect of the seat
Gave him such prickly heat
As to kill any chance of romance

If a woman should chance to insist
On a bauble she just can't resist
Let her man be quite certain
That like Richard Burton
In the end he will bend to her list

If a rat were just merely a mouse
He would live in a much smaller house
And not being a rat
Might fall prey to a cat
While out trimming the hedge for his spouse

These limericks just go on and on
Like the trail of some hideous spawn
In a volume of Lovecraft
Adrift on a liferaft
At the brink of Cthulhu's dark dawn

Yowsa! I like that last one.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: WyoWoman
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:38 PM

This is all our rebellious, marginally adult way of saying "You're not the boss of me," isn't it?

There once was a feller on Mudcat,
Who tried Katlaughing to love-pat.
She sighed, "No, no, please
For I've started to sneeze
And ...

(Take it ... )

ww

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:39 PM

Cthulhu For President!

Why settle for the lesser of two evils.

In London a newsboy named Grimes

Led young girls on to infamous crimes.

I deliver, he'd boast

Two Globes and a Post

And goodness knows how many times!

To his friend said the maitre'd hotel

My guests can all go to hell

What they do to my wife

Is the bane of my life.

And the worst is, they do it so well.

There once was a poet named McNameter

Whose mistress kept calling him amature

Said she,"Your technique,

Is too rough and antique,

And your rhythm's iambic pentameter."

troll

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:43 PM

Soulda been double dactyls.

Can someone please tell my who Cthulu is?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 12:41 AM

Cthulhu is the ultimate bad guy. He makes Darth Vader look like a snotty-nosed 10 year-old.

To explain further...there was once a writer of horror pulp fiction known as H.P. Lovecraft. He wrote a series of lurid tales which some people find scary, while I find them in one sense too verbose and tedious....and in another sense utterly hilarious. I think that Lovecraft was one of the great unintentional humorists of all time. One bizarre story was set in Antarctica, as I recall, and involved some inexpressibly ancient ruins and some gigantic penguins who could shoot electrical bolts out of their heads. These quasi-penguins waddled about the landscape uttering an incomprehensible cry that (according to the narrator...who of course was soon driven irretrievably mad...as happens to all the protagonists in Lovecraft's tales...) where was I? Ah yes, the cry vaguely sounded like "Tek-E-Li-Li".

Now I ask you, what could be more horrifying than that?

But I digress. Lovecraft created a mythos of an incredibly ancient time prior to the present age, in which the "Great Old Ones" ran the Universe. Cthulhu was the Big Daddy, the Grand Enchilada, Numero Uno among the Great Old Ones. They could destroy entire worlds with a mere twitch of a psuedopod, and frequently did.

Lovecraft's great fear was that these Old Ones, with Cthulhu leading the charge, would be reawakened by some bumbling fool and would turn our entire reality on its ear, with results too hideous to even describe, let alone contemplate.

My favourite Lovecraftian passage is:

"Terrible beyond description was the change that had come over my old friend Crawford Tillinghast..."

The unfortunate Crawford Tillinghast (what a name!) later "ran screaming from the room", which is something all Lovecraftian hero/victims do at some point, prior to their final, awful, incomprehensible demise.

Does that do it for you?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 12:54 AM

CarolC: Double Dactyls wouldn't scan.

Little Hawk: Thanx for the Cthulhu exposition. Personally I like Lovecraft but only in small doses. His writing style is fairly typical of the time in which he wrote(early 20th Century) but his sunject matter was quite daring for that time. Poe comes to mind as a major influence. I don't know of anyone else who was writing that kind of stuff at that time who is still being read today.
I believe he corresponded a lot with Robert E.Howard and encouraged him in his writing.

troll

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 12:58 AM

I'm going to have to check me out some of that there Lovecraft. That penguin one sounds like it would make a great movie.; )

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 01:05 AM

Troll, you caught me. I don't know enough about poetry to understand your response. I only learned what double dactyls were after Seamus Kennedy mentioned them and I looked the term up in my dictionary. I thought it might be a good rythm in bed (so to speak - ahem)

Carol

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 01:07 AM

Yes indeed. There was one movie made around a Lovecraft story. I think it's called "The Dunwich Horror" or something like that, and it's actually rather good.

Troll is right that Lovecraft was really ahead of his time. An imaginative fellow, for sure. His style is pretty topheavy by today's standards...but intriguing.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: The Shambles
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:40 PM

A Little Titian

If you want your portrait done
Go to the man who's number one
Where do I place my commission?
Do I ask Picasso?
Or Michaelangelo?
No, Venice is the place to go
For a little Titian

Don't want to appear, in no Vermeer
Or the 'Laughing Cavalier'
Idiot grin, frozen in, one position
Poor Franz Hals
He should ask his pals
As to just how?
You get a little Titian

I could have asked Van Gogh
But he took the (y)ear off
Well surely, there was a man with a mission?
But a year in Provence
Is not the Renaissance
When all one wants
Is a little Titian

Well I'm no prude
But to be painted in the nude
To stand up and shed my inhibitions
Like 'The Venus Of Urbino'
In a cold studio
Is that why she shows?
Just a little Titian

Don't want to hang in the Louvre
I'd prefer to be on the move
Go around the world in a travelling exhibition
But The Uffitzi?
Would maybe suit me?
For there I could see
A room full of Titian

Among kings and heads of state
Amongst the good and the great
Philosophers and mathematicians
You, won't want my face
Hanging around your place
But you'd find the space
For a little Titian

Roger Gall.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:20 PM

If you thought you got rid of this thread
And assumed it was finally dead
Then you're in for a shock
Cos this thread's like a rock
And it just landed right on your head!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Biskit
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:57 PM

@@ / ~ ~ Peace -Biskit-

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 01:07 PM

The thread merrily goes on and on
From the dusk to the following dawn
A gross comment from Spaw
And then Hespy says "Aww...!
I'd have thought the goddamn thing was gone!"

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 01:29 PM

Okay, got it at last...

There once was a feller on Mudcat, Who tried Katlaughing to love-pat. She sighed, "No, no, please, For I've started to sneeze, And my heart's out at sea on the mudflats."

Or how about..."and you've all the appeal of a muskrat"?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 11:36 PM

Hawk started this thread just like most
Of it's length he has reason to boast.
But we should warn him that,
If he messes with kat,
She'll have him for breakfast. On toast!

troll

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: mousethief
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 06:50 PM

This from the magnificent BBC radio show, "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue." It was written by the four 'panelists' one line at a time.

While studying physical science,
Make use of this handy appliance.
You strap it on thus,
Then get on a bus,
And you'll find you have plenty of clients!

O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 08:46 PM

There's a thread at the end of the day
Where the Kat and the Little Hawk play
While Brendy gets trendy
And sometimes unfriendly
But what the hell, he's still okay

Ya-ha-ha-ha...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 09:01 PM

Little Hawk - Do you realize you put me in a couplet with Spaw?!!!
This is really not good...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 09:29 PM

Hmmm...yeah, I see what you mean.

Perhaps we should perform an exorcism, or something like that.

Standing on one's head and reciting any 3 chapters of the Necronomicon backwards is thought to be quite efficacious by some circles. Besides, if you can survive that, than nothing can threaten you....right?

You could always buy a gas mask, just in case, over at Barnett's Surplus, I think it's called. They've got gorilla restraining devices too. Quite useful, I hear. I bought 3 of those, just to be on the safe side, cos Mike Latter has been threatening to send his gorilla over, due to the silly messages I've been leaving on his answering service.

Hmmm...hang on, there's something at the window. Be right back...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:09 PM

tsk...been gone two days and had almost forgotten I posted here,,,

CarolC...I have almost never written a limerick..I have improved a few...*grin*...and consider myself a conniseur (sp),,,maybe Ill look up some favorites

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:10 PM

I don't know the necronomicon, LH!
Circles of White Light are good for keeping things away, if not that, there's always throwing down a comb and having it turn into a forest, stuff like that.
(I don't know if they'll keep the smell away though...)

Anyway.
Here's to this thread:

A musician, when stuffed full of gin,
Was heard to declare with a grin
"I'll play 'em all,
Big to quite small,
But the instrument I love best, is skin."

Is that twisty enough fur ya?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:19 PM

Ooooo...I like it. Sounds like a drummer, maybe?

Hell of a struggle at the window. I'm still putting my feathers in order. That Mike has his nerve.

Here's another:

This thread really rates as the pits
And gives serious mudcatters fits
But if you like a limerick
And don't mind the gimerick
Then you'll probably love it to bits

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 12:11 AM

Little Hawk, poet
come write your words
The threads are enormous
the wait is absurd
But where is the Little Hawk
who's thread won't sleep?
He's of on another thread
ready to creep


HA! I did it!


Call me poet!
I know it
My feet show it
They're both Longfellows

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 11:58 AM

Your feet may be long, to be sure
And for long feet there's simply no cure
But a pair of nice shoes
And a jug full of booze
Can amend the effect, be assured!

Ha!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 09:12 PM

Poor old Brendy, he just dropped his bucket
While alone on the road to Nantucket
He got so damn confused
On account of the booze
That he bit one and and forgot to suck it

Sorry, just couldn't resist! If I could have, would I still be on this thread? Whaddya mean, I've got no self-control???

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: sophocleese
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 09:48 PM

Little Hawk! What on EARTH have you been doing? I don't pay any attention to this thread for awhile and I come back to find you mentioned Cthulu, If I'd only known...Ah I'll have to get out "The Dream quest of Unknown Kadath" again now.

An author they called Lovecraft
Wrote stuff that his friends called daft
He wrote of such terror
Because of his error:
He learned not enough of love craft.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 10:54 PM

Soph, how did you know that??? Of course, it was the poor mans TOTAL lack of success with the opposite sex that slowly drove him utterly made, and caused him to concoct weird stories, thus securing his immortality in the hearts of lovers of gothic horror (I think that's what it's called...am I right?).

There was also Clark Ashton Smith, a far better writer in my opinion, but I hate his stories because his heroes always end up doomed. I prefer heroes who triumph against the odds.

I invented a fictional writer called Herbert Paisley (H.P.) Lusthouse. He reputedly began writing similar tales after his great-uncle, Sir Snidely Tillinghast, went mad, following an encounter in the Antarctic with a gigantic flock of perverted penguins who were engaging in mass coition out on the icepack. Sir Snidely and his crew were so horrified by what they saw that their minds became permanently unhinged. The weaker crew members returned to civilization unable to control their compulsion to engage in group sex at the slightest provocation. They were all sequestered in sanatoriums, after causing much social chaos. The stronger members either blew their brains out with Navy revolvers, or retired to their country estates, never to emerge into public sight again.

H.P. Lusthouse also had absolutely no luck with the fair sex whatever, and poured his frustrations into ever more lurid stories that kept Weird Tales rolling merrily along.

How we suffer for our art!

By the way, Cthulhu is now running for president. His campaign slogan is: Why choose the lesser of two evils?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 11:16 PM

Why choose the lesser of two evils?
Maybe 'cause I'd rather be f*cked than f*cked up.

You really wanted to know that. ;)

(I think I should have reset my cookie and come in anonymously for that.)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 11:33 PM

Hesp, you gotta stop letting this stuff slip out! ;-)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 08:12 AM

There was an old lady from Fife,Who was dyslectic most of her FILE.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 08:35 AM

I took your advice about shoes
And I drank that jug full of booze
But it didn't stay down
Now I look like a clown
And barfing just gives me the blues


(startin to get the hang of it...)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 12:52 PM

God, Hesperis! ROTFLMAO!!!! Sounds like a good line of reasoning to me. Got any free time? :-)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 01:28 PM

Now that's horribly romantic from a man of so many words.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 02:04 PM

You want romance? I've got a 25 verse song that will knock yer socks off. To type it all out right now, though, would be more than I can handle, and would put me in danger of carpal tunnel syndrome, so forgive me if I don't.

Remember, handsome is as handsome does. Same goes for romance. Mmmmmm....

Life is good.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 02:09 PM

Oh, good limerick, Carol! Way to go!

There once was a drunkard from flushing Who got dyslexic due to his gnihsul...

Sick, isn't it?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 02:30 PM

See, this was why I wanted to reset my cookie...

flattop - thanks.
Mbo - shaddap! ;)
LH - what is this thing, "free time", that you speak of?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 03:14 PM

Aw nutz, struck out again!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 07:21 PM

Mbo - there's always next inning. Don't despair.

There is a place called the Free Times Cafe in Toronto, and it's a good folk club...but they charge a cover! What the heck! There's a lot of false advertising out there these days...that's for sure. There was also this band I heard of (true story) called "Free Beer". They played sleazy hotels and bars all over Ontario, mostly in smaller towns. On the night they played, the place would put up big letters on the sign outside saying "Free Beer tonight from 9:00 till 1:00 am". They never failed to fill the house...for a while, anyway. Their audiences were the absolute worst ever...and that's not good.

Hey, it was a joke, okay? Flattop, you are not my conscience...Allah be praised!

Moving on...

A Bohemian plumber named Paul Tried to turn off Niagara Falls He failed utterly Was swept out to sea And died trying to unplug a squall

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: thosp
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 07:58 PM

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 08:12 PM

Yikes, looks like it's the bottom of the 5th for me. Thank goodness it isn't softball...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 09:50 PM

Well said, thosp. You won't get in any trouble that way.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 01:12 AM

flattop - I should have said "thanks, but no thanks."
LH - you're not in trouble. Not with me, anyway.

This is the joke/limerick thread fer cryin' oot lewd!
(And here I've gone and dragged it into seriousness. Sheesh!)

Well, I'll attempt to write another of those "goddamn things" tomorrow. Just to keep in theme...

PS to Carol: How do you DO that?!!! Those are good!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 01:29 AM

Poor Meebo's in need of a lass.
But the girls seem to shun him en masse.
The only girl of his dreams
That he's had, so it seems,
Had four legs, produced wool, and ate grass.

Hawk's thread took off from the start.
With many a rhyme...Some quite smart!
But when Hawk drops the bomb
And quotes Major Tom
It gives me gas and I fart.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 06:47 AM

(Waving away the noxious fumes from the previous post...)

Spaw!!! Could you please lean the other way next time? (Sheesh!)

Thanks, hesperis. I don't know how I do it. I think it's a psychic phenomenon.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 08:02 AM

No conscience, just discourse Little Hawk. Looks like I'm out of line if I'm out of rhyme on this thead.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 11:22 AM

He came, he saw, he farted
And phoaks, he just got started
For th' olfactory show
He should charge, you know:
"Fools and their money are soon parted"

Not a bad attempt, methinks.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 06:35 PM

hesperis, I think you've got it! That's a good one.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 09:33 PM

There was a Mudcatter named 'Spaw Who would blow every possum he saw But his friend Cleigh blew his top He made poor 'Spaw stop 'Cause his backside was getting too raw

I hope I wake up in the morning and find out this was just a bad dream!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 09:41 PM

Well Banj ol' buddy, if you wake up and the person in bed with you looks like me, you'll know its a bad dream. Roll over and go back to sleep.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:11 PM

Bad dream? You mean a flippin' nightmare! Oogh! Of course, it's all a matter of taste, right?

I had little notion when I started this thread that it would mutate into a limerick bulletin board, but oh what fun it has been! And you people are getting good!

If old Spaw would just stop his emissions
We would willingly grant him permission
To diss Major Tom
And stop dropping them bombs
Like some silly-@$$ fat politician

Ground control to Major Spaw...commencing countdown, shut your jaw...take your beano now, and watch out for "the claw" (obscure reference to "Toy Story", okay?) :-)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:17 PM

Good one, LH!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Branwen23
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:35 PM

There once was an abbot of Brittany
Who chanted this desolate litany:
"If Christ is the Source
Of Divine Intercourse,
Then how come I don't ever gitany?"


-Branwen-

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:57 PM

Hey look!!! Branwen has found you a job Meebo! Wow man....You can be an Abbot in Brittany!!!

Little Hawk you have nothing to fear,
My emissions are fresh smelling and clear.
But do I perceive
That you'd like to receive
A blowjob from both Woody and Lightyear?

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Branwen23
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 11:20 PM

A nudist resort in Benaires
Took a midget in unawares
But he made members weep
For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.


-Branwen-

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Branwen23
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 11:33 PM

A lighthouse keeper called Crighton
took to seeing a lady from Brighton,
but ships ran aground,
and sailors were drowned,
as she wouldn't have sex with the light on

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 11:45 PM

No dice, Spaw. The guy wasn't getting any either.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 02:12 AM

It emanates rosy and pink
It's not nearly as bad as you think
Most folks really don't care
Beacause it's only hot air
In other words, my s**t don't stink!

Little Hawk, I blame you for this, Thank You! It seems you have opened my eyes to a whole new way of making a living. Surely there is a market for such fine poetry. I'll call my boss Tuesday morning and announce that I have found a new occupation!!

Oh Boy!! Wait till I wake up from this one.
Aside to 'Spaw, I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but woke up with a bunch of them!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 02:31 AM

Thanks, Carol!

That's three of 'em in just over a week!
And I never wrote one before!

(LH - you are a bad influence on me. Tsk, tsk.)

::evil grin::
Hey, I wonder if can write another one by morning?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 06:06 PM

Practice may not make "perfect", but it definitely has results. I'm getting better at them limericks too, I think.

Spaw - you really have no shame, do you? It mystifies me that a man with your obvious smarts and keen instincts can't appreciate "Space Oddity" more. It's weird. It's uncanny. It should be investigated on the "Explaining the unexplained" thread.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 06:24 PM

There once was a terrible piper
Who was aimed at by many a sniper
Their aim was so bad
They kept missing the lad
And his playing just made them more hyper!

Aggghhh!!!! Where will it all end?

There was a man playing a cello
Who must have been quite a large fellow
For the rumors have been
He'd tuck it under his chin
And like a fiddle, it sounded real mellow

Oh, please, someone call Limericks Anonymous!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 06:32 PM

(Evil chuckle).....No Banjer, you belong to us now....

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Branwen23
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 11:05 PM

I've been studying all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.
So I'll play on the 'net
'Stead of going to bed,
And my tests will seem a quagmire.


-Branwen-

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 01:38 AM

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie

When his girlfriend found out
She said to the lout
"I hope you get stuck in your fly"


My first dirty one. (Thank you, thank you very much...)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 06:31 AM

A fellow who played a guitar
Said that he would soon be a star
His friends all expounded
That his hopes were unfounded
With his talents he couldn't go far

Nooooo!....It's morning, I'm awake and it's still with me....

There was a young gal from Nantucket
Who tied several strings on a bucket
When the strings she did strum
They would not even hum
So she threw it away and said...F**k it!

Oh my, what does destiny have in store for me next?....Puns, maybe?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 06:35 AM

I fear it is too late.....I have sunk as far as a human being can possibly sink!!!

Why from where I am I can look DOWN and see Catspaw and Little Hawk...*BG*

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 07:17 AM

Do you ever wake up in the morning thinking, "I believe that Little Hawk's opinion is a lazy cop-out?" Well, so do I. For openers, if anything, Hawk's press releases are an icon for the deterioration of the city, for its slow slide into crime, malaise, and filth. You've never heard him announce that he plans to caricature and stereotype people from other cultures? Well, Hawk has repeatedly enunciated such a plan, but in his typically convoluted way. It saddens me that we must defy him. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to change the minds of those who pit people against each other.

For better or for worse, in these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, he should not perpetuate myths that glorify misoneism. Not now, not ever. My love for people necessitates that I lead Hawk out of a dream world and back to hard reality. Yes, I face opposition from Hawk. However, this is not a reason to quit but to strive harder.

As is so often the case, he wants to revile everything in the most obscene terms and drag it into the filth of the basest possible outlook. You know what groups have historically wanted to do the same thing? Fascists and Nazis. It should be readily apparent that if Hawk is completely unaware of the difference between a correlation and a causation, then his promise of equality is a false one. Period, finis, and Q.E.D. Moving on, larrikinism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically-motivated attack on knowledge. The bottom line is that Little Hawk's agendas are intellectually and morally indefensible.

Sincerely, fla

http://www-csag.cs.uiuc.edu/individual/pakin/complaint

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 09:19 AM

That's pretty cool stuff flattop. You have actually come up with some words I've never seen before, and that's not easy. I am going to go and get the dictionary and see if I can find them. That should be great fun. As for your petty fascist ramblings and inane assertions of moral superiority I will pass those on to Spaw, with the fond hope that he farts in your general direction.

Okay, let's see...

"misoneism" - hmmm...sorry...no such word anywhere in Websters New Canadian Edition (extra large and complete)

"larrikinism" - same story. No such word.

My friend, you are either a very amusing guy...or you are losing your mind. (BTW, Song circle was great, eh?)

My feeling is that if you would simply reduce your daily intake of lasparaginase, and then apply the minimax theorem to your debating style, you would soon find a gentle and calming antidote to these random and really quite inappropriate outbursts.

Now let me see if I can come up with another limerick...

A fascist musician from Barrie
Tried a tune with 3 octaves to carry
His complexion turned blue
Then his head split in two
Neither side could decide where to tarry

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 09:31 AM

....uh..........Hawk?............Ol Flat has been having a good time with the Automatic Complaint Generator (we've run some threads on it before) and if you'll check that site he listed, you too can crank out a personalized, gibberish laden complaint!!!

I generally write my own. The other ones make me wanna' fart. And BTW, its a little known fact, but Space Oddity was written on an Automatic Bizarre Song Generator.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 03:59 PM

Omigod...that is just too great! I should have noticed, but I was hurrying...he made a remark about it last night briefly at song circle. I gotta try it now! Thanks.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 04:08 PM

This letter is not a memoir. Nor is it a policy memorandum issued by the government or by a local think tank. Rather, it is an assessment of how I am not ashamed to admit that some of Rabbi Klint K Klintovsky's former cronies say they were willing to help Rabbi Klintovsky preach fear and ignorance because Rabbi Klintovsky convinced them that they were part of a historic mission to save the world from a pouty global conspiracy -- a belief they now reject as irascible. I realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the events I'm referring to. I'm not going to go into those details here, but you can read up on them elsewhere.

It's likely that as soon as our backs are turned he will commit senseless acts of violence against anyone daring to challenge his chauvinistic threats if we don't stop him now. Let me recap that for you, because it really is extraordinarily important: His lackeys carry out orders like puppets obeying the puppeteer. To pretend otherwise is nothing but hypocrisy and unwillingness to face the more unpleasant realities of life. What does Rabbi Klintovsky have to say about all of this? The answer, as expected, is nothing. Please don't misinterpret that last statement to mean that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. That's not at all what it means. Rather, it means that he has stated that he can replace our natural soul with an artificial one and get away with it. That's just pure nativism. Well, in Rabbi Klintovsky's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that I've heard of noxious things like blackguardism and narcissism. But I've also heard of things like nonviolence, higher moralities, and treating all beings as ends in and of themselves -- ideas which Rabbi Klintovsky's ignorant, unthinking, wayward brain is too small to understand.

It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that the space remaining in this letter will not suffice even to enumerate the ways in which Rabbi Klintovsky has tried to put hate-filled thoughts in our children's minds. It seems to me that, as others have stated long before me, "Rabbi Klintovsky's is the prototypical face of tribalism." Assume for a moment that a large percentage of his henchmen can be termed lackadaisical. It therefore follows that some flippant freeloaders actually claim that things have never been better. This is the kind of muddled thinking that he is encouraging with his witticisms. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as sinful pop psychologists. Rabbi Klintovsky is not only counter-productive, but he also lacks the self-control necessary to conform his behavior to reasonable norms. With this letter, I hope I have made my views clear: Rabbi Klint K Klintovsky has an uncanny ability to thoroughly miss the point of any given issue.

So there!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 08:32 PM

I thought that you guys wouldn't insult Rabbi Klintovsky unless it was in limerick. Looks like I had you going Little Hawk. I just got home from Toronto and I notice that you didn't explain why I told you at Song Circle that I should have brought a computer generated complaint leter.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 08:40 PM

Oh...did you say something, flattop? :-)

Ha! Ha! No, I could have explained it, but I was in a hurry somewhat, so I didn't. I love the complaint generator and I am seriously considering sending the Klintovsky complaint letter to the Orillia Packet. It would certainly puzzle them no end. I wouldn't put my name on it, of course, because I have a reputation to uphold in this town. I'd put yours on it instead. :-)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:30 PM

Let's talk about Flattop's epithets. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Let me begin by citing a range of examples from the public sphere. For starters, most law-abiding citizens disapprove of Flattop's methods. Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: In asserting that ill-bred authoritarians are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive, he demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision.

If I try really, really hard, I can almost see why he would want to clear-cut ancient forest lands. I have never been in favor of being gratuitously myopic. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to present a clear picture of what is happening, what has happened, and what is likely to happen in the future. Flattop's excuses are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". Flattop equates non-cooperation and solitariness with individuality, and deep down in our bones, we all know why. As far as I can tell, we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn't understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Flattop's self-indulgent maneuvers, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to take stock of what we know, identify areas for further research, and provide a useful starting point for debate on his immoral views.)

Before bothering us with his next batch of sappy conclusions, he should review the rules of writing a persuasive essay, most notably the one about sticking to the topic the writer establishes. Sure, it sounds dissolute. Blame that on self-centered paper-pushers (especially the neurotic type). If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me build a better world, a cleaner world, a safer world, and a saner world. Strictly speaking, every time Flattop utters or writes a statement that supports faddism -- even indirectly -- it sends a message that skin color means more than skill and gender is more impressive than genius. I believe we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because his "compromises" are simply counterproductive to society, but primarily because when he was first found trying to destabilize society, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Flattop is planning to cause sexist subversion to gather momentum on college campuses, I'm terrified. Flattop's cronies would sooner ally with evil than oppose it. That's all I have to say. Thank you for reading this letter.

(in)Sincerely,
hesperis

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:47 PM

LOL! ROTFLMAO! DOL!

Christ! I've got the hickups now...

Aaaaghhh! (hic)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:10 PM

The stupid generator thing wouldn't let me use all lower case for 'flattop'. Hello, that IS his name!!!

Glad you liked it, LH. Let's see what the Flatso thinks...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:19 PM

Y'all know if you took the Alanis Song Generator and wrote a song then took the Complaint Generator and bitched about it you could have more time to research the deep meaning and spirituality of Major Tom the Oddity of Space.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:27 PM

Okay, you asked for it...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:30 PM

Hey, you guys are wonderful. Hugs on the house. I saved one of my favourite web insults from a few years. I don't know who wrote it, someone more intelligent than me. You know that could be anyone, even Bert or one of metronoming guitar yutz.

: > >More and more join every day. Say hello to the new world order - humanity ;-)

: > Nah, your new world order has all the substance of wet tofu. Your consistent inability to answer the few intelligent questions that have been asked of you with anything but witless single sentence grunting makes it pretty clear that you're just one more armchair terrorist who has memorized the anthem but doesn't hear the music. I sincerely doubt if you can even summarize your berserk guerrila ontology intelligently without merely pointing enthusiastically to the texts of the annoyed outside world, as though this in itself is a philosophy.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:35 PM

God, that's utterly wonderful! LOL! Now for that bloody Major Tom-slandering Spaw....

I can only hope the readers of this letter are as outraged as I am at Spaw. As this letter will make clear, I wonder what would happen if Spaw really did undermine serious institutional and economic analyses and replace them with a diverting soap opera of loud vile conspiracies. There's a spooky thought. Those who get involved with his disingenuous cronies are seldom aware of his dealings with naive dim-witted underachievers. Am I saying that the little I've written so far already buttresses the assertion that it's not a question of if but only of when he will prey on people's fear of political and economic instability? Yes. That there's no point in arguing with him? Maybe. That the evidence for this lies in the underlying assumptions behind his arguments? Definitely.

I am morally and ethically opposed to his statements. Interestingly, he doesn't seem to care about that. Just think: Spaw's lackeys argue that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. These are the same depraved mountebanks who manufacture and compile daunting lists of imaginary transgressions committed against him. This is no coincidence; Spaw presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically-motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. He is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors gin-swilling ruffians. And here we have the ultimate irony, because I, not being one of the many bloodthirsty mouthpieces for ribald racialism of this world, challenge him to point out any text in this letter that proposes that he should ignite a maelstrom of feudalism because "it's the right thing to do". It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing.

If we are to replace today's chaos and lack of vision with order and a supreme sense of purpose, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the amoral and myopic ideologies that Spaw promotes. If the past is any indication of the future, he will once again attempt to go to great lengths to conceal his true aims and mislead the public. After hearing about Spaw's nettlesome attempts to endorse a complete system of leadership by mobocracy, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level. We don't need to demonize Spaw; he is already a demon, and furthermore, his hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it. Although letting resentful undesirables give rise to unruly hippies is unthinkable, we are here to gain our voice in this world, and whether or not Spaw approves, we will continue to be heard.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:37 PM

You really are at your wit's end for something to do aren't you?

I think if you do this you need to change your name to Braxton Bragg II. The original, a somewhat dyspeptic Confederate general, well known for his continual carping about everything, had a similar experience prior to the Civil War. He was the Quartermaster on a post where the commander died, which left Bragg in charge. As commander he became unhappy with the function of the quartermaster and began a long series of memos back and forth with HIMSELF!!! Needless to say his generalship during the war was somewhat less than masterful and they say "he wore failure like a habit."

Say......Was Major Tom's last name Bragg?

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:45 PM

Did Little Hawk confess about his Alanis impersonations on another thread or has he been PMing the fartMeister?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:00 AM

No, the Alanis thing came up on another thread and of course LH took to it like a hyena on a rotting warthog. Next we see the the Complaint Generator which produced similar results. When he's finished playing Braxton Bragg, I'll suggest he go to William Shatner Dialogue Generator for a narration on his efforts. This should occupy him for the next day at least.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:04 AM

LH - you are getting the hang of harnessing randomness, I see. ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Spaw - you are one funny cat.
flattop - check ou the original 'worst pop songs ever' thread. Hawk posted the lyrics to 'Why, God, Why' near the end of it.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:10 AM

Why am I always the last to know, hesperis? Did he admit that he put a tune to it and then sang it at Song Circle last night and that most people in the room joined in on the chorus?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM

Well, if you spent as much time on Mudcat as LH, you'd probably know everything of what's going on...
You'd also have very little time for anything else, like LH. *g*

No, he hasn't admitted that yet. But now that you've done that for him he doesn't have to.
(I dared him to sing it at Song Circle. People sang along because no-one there can stand to NOT add a harmony line to anything, even when it's not appropriate!) (j/k)

BTW, I wrote an Alanis fake myself. I'll send it to you. It's hilarious, mostly because it's actually somewhat accurate.
I need to put some music to it now. Possibly with Mandolin accompaniment. That would be ironic, don'tcha think?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 01:00 AM

Um, ok, just who is Major Tom, anyway? Did he write any good limericks? Any dirty ones?

He must be pretty amazing since Spaw likes him so much.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Tony in Sweden
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 03:32 AM

Littlle Jack Horner, Sat in the corner, because he had a square ass! ------O----------O----------

Mary had a little lamb, but first she had a pig, which she sent to dancing school, to learn the Irish Jig,

But every night when it came home, it wouldn't stop its gruntin' so she took it round the back of the house and kicked its F**kin' c*nt in!!

mvh TC

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 07:51 AM

You have a mandolin hesperis? One of our Song Circle regulars questioned Alanis's use or misuse of the word ironic, I think. That was her song?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 11:32 AM

I have someone else's mandolin, yes. Since very recently.
I have somewhere around 10 instruments, only 5 of which are actually mine...

"Ironic" is one of my favorite songs by Alanis, although rain on your wedding day isn't ironic at all, just unfortunate.

I need to write another limerick! Arrgh!!!

Good stuff, Carol.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:12 PM

No, but it IS ironic that Alanis would think that rain on your wedding day is ironic, isn't it? Ha! Ha!

If it was as ironic as Alanis thinks it is, then it would be really ironic, but it's only as ironic as Major Tom thnks it is, and Major Tom seldom thinks that anything is ironic, except, of course, for that unfortunate "toad the wet sprocket" incident, which I explained to Spaw awhile back, and that was definitely ironic, considering the utter improbability of a toad reducing a 17 billion dollar spacecraft to a drifting pile of space junk. Have I said enough?

To explain about Major Tom...He is a character in the David Bowie song "Space Oddity", an astronaut who comes to grief when his space capsule malfunctions. I consider "Space Oddity" to be a brilliant song, Spaw considers it to be a piece of worthless dreck.

Spaw, of course, is insane. Likeable, but insane.

'Nuff said.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:30 PM

So Hawk ... Have you tried the Shatner Dialogue Generator? Seems right down your alley?

Click here for William Shatner

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 01:02 PM

"http://doodie.com/" - Spaw! What have you been sniffin'? Your own farts?

No, Spaw, there isn't a William Shatner Stupid Dialogue Generator, but here's a few strrrrange Trekkie sites fer ya:

Poke William Shatner
This interactive site allows you to poke William Shatner! This may be the closest you get to touching Captain Kirk, so give it a try.

The Klingon Language Institute
With the easy to use guides on this page you can learn how to say "unemployed loser with no friends" in Klingon.

Star Trek TNG Plot Generator
Just click a button and this site will generate a plot for a Star Trek episode. Some of these sound better than episodes we've actually seen.

You Can't Do That on Star Trek
Resistance is futile. You will laugh hysterically at these parody pictures from everyone's favorite science-fiction series.

(That's what they say about the site, anyway.)

Random Quote From Spock
This site parodies one of those magic eight balls, but it is illogical to believe that the quote selection can be truly randomized.

These were all found on 4WorstOfWeb -- a guide to the worst of the web from 4anything.com
Have fun!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 04:56 PM

Omigod. What a treasure trove of silliness! I will be back up for air in...oh, maybe 9 hours from now...if I survive, that is...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 05:00 PM

Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.
What happened to the other 200 posts?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 05:04 PM

No dear....That was "Killing the Thread" which I notice is still popping up and is not dead yet.

Spaw (thanks hespy.....those will recycle here later)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 05:08 PM

Spaw - I had a quick look at Doodie.com You are a truly sick man. I like that. Maybe I can get you a job in my band when I go on the road. Dare I ask what instruments you play and where your musical talents lie?

Okay, now I'm off to poke William Shatner...(see Hespy's posting above).

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM

Okay, I poked William Shatner. Not as big a thrill as I had hoped. He's a rather humorless bloke, far too full of himself, if you ask me.

I got a call from Mike L. who passed on this joke:

Question: HOW DO YOU GET A ONE-ARMED NEWFIE OUT OF A TREE?

Answer: WAVE AT HIM. :-)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:08 AM

That Hawkster is one silly bird
The threads that he starts are absurd!
But why do we play
With these threads anyway?
Guess we all just want the last word.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:14 AM

I think Major Tom's last words were, "Gawddam North American engineers." Well that, and possibly followed by........"gasp"............

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:15 AM

"I'm not the Wreck of the Hesperus, I feel more like Big Bill Broonzy."

--George Harrison

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 12:39 PM

My budgie's been left in the lurch
Like a pastor without any church
He just sits broken-hearted
Since the last time Spaw farted
Cos it stripped the paint clean off his perch!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 01:33 PM

Actually it was a favor to your bird as budgies are allergic to most paints and some are toxic to them. Were it not for that putrid poot, you would have had an "Ex-Bird." We almost had one last night when the cockatiel flew across the kitchen and landed in a pan of frying beef.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 02:26 PM

There once was a feller on Mudcat,
Who tried Katlaughing to love-pat.
She sighed, "No, no, please,
For I've started to sneeze,
And I'm really Catspaw in a sun hat

Sorry, got here late and once I started reading I was transfixed.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:50 PM

Hey! Batholomew! Better late than never.

Spaw - That's horrifying about the cockatiel. It's probably not so cocky now, though...could be a good maturing experience for the poor thing.

A friend of mine had a budgie (seriously) which was flying around in their 16th floor apartment one night, and someone had left a window open. The unfortunate budgie flew out of said window at 11 PM into a blinding January snowstorm and was never seen again. One of the saddest stories I have heard.

I hope the cockatiel is okay, they're very neat birds.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: thosp
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:58 PM

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:59 PM

Thanks Hawk....she's fine. We've let her wings grow and she's not real accurate on her landings. I agree that they are neat birds. She has completely taken over the household, holds the cats in complete disdain, and as I type this she is sitting on the keyboard activating all kinds of weird stuff that I have to keep erasing to go on. The bird is totally spoiled.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Sep 00 - 04:19 AM

There once was a bird from Orillia
Whose song was reported to killya
Till Spaw let one fly
Then it fell from the sky
Begging "Spaw, stop the farting please, willya?"

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Sep 00 - 01:22 PM

LOL! Marvelous! I never thought to put Orillia in a limerick. This one will be enshrined forever in the hearts of local musicians here.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Sep 00 - 07:32 PM

Thanks, Little Hawk.

If I ever come up your way, will the Mayor give me the key to the town, or the municipal port-a-potty, or something?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Sep 00 - 08:15 PM

Depends who the mayor is when you arrive. They change rather often here. City council is a very fractious outfit. They provide the locals with a lot of unintentional humour. Our recent mayor, Ken McCann just quit after a tumultous 3 years, marked by petty squabbles, veiled threats, outright threats, lawsuits, and a battle over the reciting of the Lord's Prayer at the beginning of City Council meetings.

It has been dropped, to the rage and dismay of a good many people...it was deemed offensive to a certain few citizens. Of course, what is NOT offensive to various citizens? Nothing I can think of. On this basis, everything the City of Orillia Council does or ever has done could be deemed offensive...to someone...which would justify banning their future activities entirely, according to their own logic...ha! ha!

Thus political correctness rolls on.

I will be glad to pull the few strings I can reach in order to get you a key to the City or at least to the Port-a-Potty, should you venture this way. As for Spaw's cockatiel, a gold-plated cage is in order, I think.

Cheers,

George

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 06:27 PM

*Yikes!* This thread is hanging by a pinkie! (Better save it!)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 10:51 PM

Did you know that a limerick is a sixteen-beat phrase? It's made of two four-beat phrases tied to two two-beat phrases, tied to a final four-beat phrase. Isn't it fascinating how those numbers continually show up in music and poetry? One would almost think it had some mysterious, esoteric significance...

No luck writing another one so far. Maybe LH isn't a bad influence on me.

(People don't really influence me unless I let them. Not anymore.)
~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 10:58 PM

Hi hesperis. Your last limeric was very good. (The one about the Hawkster.)

limerics=good
no limericks=bad

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 07:38 AM

Ah the inspiration.....

There once was a singer named Dottie
Whose efforts in music were spotty
When folks asked "What's best"
To give Dottie a rest
She was locked in the town's porta-potty

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 08:40 AM

Orillia's portable toilet company is McGill. To advertise, they fastened one of their toilets to the back of Rombo's restaurant with a gloved hand holding the edge of the door from the inside. The door blows in the breezes sneaking off Lake Couchiching.

Orillians have good taste and good judgement. Tattoos by Chuck is another popular Orillia establishment. For years, the mental hospital was the largest employer. Recent governments emptied the mental hospitals just before they slashed the moneies they pay to needy people for food, clothing, shelter and drugs. If you're visiting Orillia, don't be surprised to see people waiting on the green lights and walking on the reds. Also, drivers who signal left are just as likely to turn right or continue straight ahead. The really weird people join the Orillia Folk Society. I must remember to join this fall. Most of the folk society's events are held at the Leacock property. Leacock was writer who became famous in Canada by writing about weird people in Orillia. Orillians didn't like him when he was alive but dead, he's a hoot. The government also errected a new headquarters for the provincial police in Orillia. They are now the largest employer. The government prefers to spend money policing people, not helping people. I think we have a few limericks left in us but I don't do limericks.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 08:57 AM

Yeah, I should have split that into more paragraphs. And since the police headquarters located here, franchised donut shops are the fastest growing sector.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 11:44 AM

The Voyager's Doctor, one day
Decided to decorate Sick Bay
But while painting a frieze
He started to sneeze
And blew paint in an interesting way.

--Matt

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 01:56 PM

flattop - "drivers who signal left are just as likely to turn right or continue straight ahead" - especially on the s-curve at Laclie street. Which is in front of Rhombos restaurant. A lot of mental cases eat there.
(Funny, I've never seen you in there, flattop!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 02:49 PM

... I just called myself a mental case. Uh-oh.)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: sophocleese
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM

Hey hesperis Rombos is a FAMILY restaurant. Where else would a pregnant waitress ask you questions about breast feeding while serving your food? I like the place. My daughter used to wave at the guy hanging out of the porta potty door when she was younger, she thought (when the wind was blowing) that he was waving to her.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 05:06 PM

flattop, I think you have enlightened my as to why there are so many Mudcat members who live in Orillia.

I actually thought I was making up the bit about the town port-a-potty. I had no idea you really had one. Does this count as a psychic phenomenon?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 07:18 PM

There is a small place in Orillia
Filled with much memorabillia
It's not one of the best
But it beats all the rest
It's where you would go to unfill ya

My apologies to Billie Ed Wheeler and his "Ode To The Little Brown Shack"

The council of Orillia one day
When admonished for wanting to pray
Announced that they shouldn't
But certainly they wouldn't
Take their right to be wrong away

It can only get better from here!!!

Carol C...The phenomenon you mention makes you a Phsyco Phsychic Resident of Orillia, I think.

Flattop, at one time I didn't do limericks either, but look at what degredation just a little practice can accomplish!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 09:11 PM

Banjer, you have a true gift for degradation. ;-)

(How do you do the crossing out the word thing?)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 11:28 PM

I don't know how to put the formula on the thread and have it show up properly. You use <, the word strike and close that with >. You then type the word you would like to line out and then < forward slash, the word strike and close with >. Try it, it's fun.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Banjer
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 11:31 PM

Carol you may want to explore this thread about HTML Stuff. That is where I learned most of my things. Click here to go there

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:09 AM

Sometomes I mean sometimes I go there, but it makes my brain hurt.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:14 AM

Thanks Banjer!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:21 AM

You can be an Honorary Resident of Orillia anytime you like, Carol, unexplained psychic phenomena or not.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:40 AM

Wow. I'm back from the folk festival south of Rochester, New York, and I'm dog tired from 5 hours of driving through rainstorms (light, medium, heavy, and torrential). Fortunately the weather was good at the festival...it just turned rotten this evening on the way back. More on the festival tomorrow. Marymac90 was there too, and will no doubt post some details, and I took a bunch of digital photos which should soon be available on Mudcat.

Why wow? Well, the festival was great, but what I am really excited about is the joyous survival of the DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD thread. Way to go, people! Orillia will soon become a legend of the folk music world for it's peculiarities and its mentally unstable populace. This will no doubt be of great benefit to the town, to Rombo's Restaurant, and to the Mariposa Folk Festival.

Keep them limericks coming! See ya tomorrow. I've gotta get some sleep...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:41 AM

hesperis, I am so there!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 02:11 AM

A Mudcatter named CarolC
Was walking about in the leigh,
When up in the sky,
A cloud she did spy,
"Why, it's a new lim'rick!" Said she.

HA!
I-did-it-I-did-it-I-did-it! HA!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Hedy West (current membership)
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 03:23 AM

Lots of flies here seduced by the flattery of defiance-faux. Hedy West

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 04:30 AM

Hi Hedy,

Do you know any good limericks?

Carol

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 01:10 PM

"Hedy West" sounds like one of those exotic dancer names inspired on that other thread where you take the first name of one of your pets and attach it to the name of the street on which you lived at the time...

Like Minda South River.

Or Valdy Digby.

Our neighbours actually had a dog they called Digby, and they later moved (coincidentally) to Digby Drive...so that would be: Digby Digby.

Cute, eh?

Hedy, please define: "defiance-faux"

Little Hawk

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 01:23 PM

I dunno' Hawk.......Its one helluva' name for a true folksinger and folk scholar that she certainly is. She's one of those somewhat lesser knowns from the sixties, like Patrick Sky, that had a tremendous effect on some of us. Vanguard had some great folks on their label back then.

Spaw

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 05:03 PM

Yeah, I know. My tongue was set firmly in my cheek that time.

Vanguard was THE record company as far as I was concerned back then, and all my favourite singers were on it pretty well, including Joan, Buffy, and Ian & Sylvia. I never had a Hedy West recording, but I remember seeing her in the catalog on the album jacket. I will have to call up John Ashe and see if I can hear some of her material. I'm sure he's got it all.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 08:58 PM

Hey Little Hawk-

Maybe we should start a sequel thread for this one since it's getting so long. We could call it "Don't post limericks here" or something. What do you think?

Great limerick, hesperis!

Carol

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 09:10 PM

There once was a Great Highland piper
Who's actions and breathe were quite hyper
When inflating his bag
His lips they did sag
And held less than a used Huggies diaper.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: flattop
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 11:20 PM

I'm not sure I'm enlightening or confusing you Carol. Very few Orillians are on mudcat but we can be as loud and loutish as any full symphony orchestra. Finding any toilet counts as psychic phenomenon on Tuesdays.

Hessy, you weren't looking for me at Rombos until recently. You had your nose buried in chips and gravy. If I called you a mental case, what would you call me? What have you called me already, before I call you a mental case?

So, that guy in the McGill is totally friendly. He waves at just about everyone on windy days.

What do you do at folk festivals, Little Hawk, that makes you come home dog tired? Wasn't that dog celibate?

Overdoses of degradation but no limerick yet, Banjer. Perhaps I should look for a more inspirational port-a-potty.

Mbo, you're ok. Don't listen to all this crap people are feeding you on how to lead you life. Do what feels right for you. Do it when you feel like doing it. But we shouldn't get too self-righteous about pipers just because our drool drips neatly off our guitars.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 11:43 PM

Flattop, you don't want to know what she's been calling you....

As for "dog celibate", I'm not the one who keeps harassing the local canines. That's your shtick.

Mbo - on NO account do what flattop is telling you! He can be dangerously skewed in his perception of reality. Oh, BTW, incredible limerick! Absolutely totally great!!!

Now, people, this thread really is getting cumbersome...and it has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt which members of Mudcat have no self-control, no good taste, and no decent sense of moderation. I am happy to say that I am one of those people, although I think Spaw is the Champ. Watch for the sequel to this thread. It will be so bloody obvious that even flattop will figure it out!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 11 Sep 00 - 11:47 PM

Here come ol' flattop, he come groovin' up slowly....LH, the man knows what he's talking about.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Lord Mondegreen
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 07:08 PM

We found a wounded sparrow once -- We never shall forget it. We took the bird in, and mended its wing. It was well by the spring... ... so we et it.

(Two Ronnies, anyone?)

Subject: Lyr Req: Was DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Lord Mondegreen
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 07:13 PM

Actually, while we're on the subject of the two Ronnies' G&S night (in which that example of merriment occurs), does anyone have the words to their Policeman's lot parody? Our video of it is so worn that the words are disappearing...

Thanks.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 07:37 PM

My dear Mondegreen, you are one twisted bloke. I did not expect to ever see this thread again, though it remains one of my proudest creations...

- LH

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 07:46 PM

*groan*

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 11:34 PM

heh heh heh

ha ha ha ha...

AAAhhh Ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!......

What a great thread! I think it's a classic.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 11:50 PM

No shit, Carol!

-LH

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Jun 01 - 12:38 AM

Oops!

Wet T-Shirt Competition

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: DaveJ
Date: 08 Jun 01 - 01:51 AM

Like drawing a line in the sand...I have to cross it.

CarolC,

Be careful of those porta-potties if you come to Old Songs. They perambutate...esspecially when there is a Woodchuck around with a smaller than average bladder and a large appetite for brewskies. I still don't understand how one can have an out-of-order outhouse. I guess the unhappy camper, whose tent the peripatec privy ended up next to, couldn't appreciate the comic potential.

DaveJ

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:08 PM

There, see? Told you. This was the original, and it spawned five or six more of its ilk before it was done!

- LH

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:10 PM

Hmmm...and it should now be moved to the BS section too. I guess I had best PM one of the joe clones about that.

- LH

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:10 PM

Well, I ain't gonna post to this one, either.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Missesthepointcompletely
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:14 PM

I can't believe how many people have posted to this thread. Are you all stupid or something?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:21 PM

Stupid? Good heavens no! We are much worse than stupid, ol' pal, we are totally nuts. Actually, if you read the very first post on this thread carefully, I think you will grasp the essential concept. I am now waiting for Joe Offer to kindly move it to the BS section below...

- LH

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:27 PM

I'm not gonna answer that.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:31 PM

Oh, man. All of my links are defunct. If I coult only remember what was in them, I could re-post them. Hey LH, do you remember what was in my links?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: michaelr
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:49 PM

This thread is closed.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:53 PM

Ha! These look appropriate:

Ms McGill 2001 and the key to the Orillia Municipal Porta Potty

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Another opinion to Michael R's
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 04:20 PM

No it isn't.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 06:45 PM

Oh, yes it is!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:06 PM

Oops! I almost forgot to post this one:

Me and the Rombos McGill Man

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Freddy
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:12 PM

Is not!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:36 PM

It COULD be. ;-)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 07:10 AM

not me guv.
eric

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:07 PM

Nah! It couldn't; and me neither.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Lost Chicken in High Weeds
Date: 22 Oct 20 - 02:32 PM

I followed Hedy West to this thread
though she is now many years dead
What a strange thing to find
and now leave behind
for others' discoveries ahead

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Oct 20 - 06:54 AM

A year before I first posted
Before the towers exploded.
These folks that I'd love
Are now up above
But some I'm sure have been roasted

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Oct 20 - 06:16 PM

Now everyone likes a butch guy.
That's a fact that we cannot deny.
         But between butch and bitch
         Is such a small switch --
Just the difference between U and I!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 20 - 12:11 PM

It's a reach, but


New York entrepreneur Donald Trump
Bragged his dick had great heft for a hump
Tho a porn star tale lingers
(Sez she, spy the wee fingers)
Impeached Teflon remains on the stump.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Oct 20 - 05:44 PM

Look for the 'people' https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/2010/GhostNebula_Jarzyna_960.jpg