DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!

Subject: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:53 AM

This is an experiment. Some of you have complained that you start off a brilliant thread...and then NOBODY, and I do mean NOBODY bothers to post to it, and it dies an ignominious death.

Well, here we have a thread that is anything but brilliant. It's simply tedious, and essentially valueless.

I want to see how much self-control you mudcatters have. Show your good taste and self-control by NOT posting to this thread, and it will die the early death it so richly deserves.

I was going to tell you to 'Sod Off' Little Hawk, but the last time I said that to someone, it was taken way too seriously and I got umpteen PMs about it. So have fun, I bet you get a LOT of response to this.

Bert.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:24 AM

(Figures it would be you!)

Sorry. Self-control? Nonexistent.
Good taste? I don't know, ask my hamster. She mistook me for food once. (In her defense, I ate cinnamon cookies and hadn't washed my hands before picking her up.)

I'm trying to think of something brilliant to say now, but I think I've had it for the night.

Wandering off humming "Crown of Summer" and occasionally walking through invisible gates into worlds I have known before...

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: thosp
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:31 AM

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:58 AM

Is it possible to have only part of a cookie? Sometimes when I get into the mudcat, I can access my personal pages but when I go to post something, my name isn't there.

Just wondering

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Les Nebulous
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:03 AM

Did the hampster eat part of your cookie too, Carol?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:27 AM

thosp - you sure have a way with words.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:31 PM

I supose it's better than eating your words.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:42 PM

This is fun.

Anyone want some lemonade with those cookies?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:43 PM

Yes please, those threads get caught in your teeth.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: annamill
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:30 PM

There was a young lady from (Nices??)
That had breasts of two different sizes
One was small, nothing at all
The other was large and won prizes

I can post anywhere I damn please.

Sorry I just read the Pete Seeger HUAC thread ;-) Feeling kinda rebelious.

Love, annamill (justdontsoundrightdoesitbutitis)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Midchuck
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:01 PM

Will if I want to! Phhhhhhht!

Peter.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,Sara
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:14 PM

To Annamill, How about placing Devizes (a town in Wiltshire England) at the end of the first line.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:16 PM

} : ~ *>)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:25 PM

I am known around here as "the song doctor". Just ask Mike Latter. I suggest the following revisions to your limerick:

There was a young maid from Devizes
Who had breasts of quite differing sizes
One was really quite small, almost nothing at all
While the other so large it won prizes

Then there's this one....

A Chinese bricklayer named Fong
Had a "tool" so incredibly long
A professor named Blake mistook it for a snake
Now it's in a glass case in Hong Kong

Maybe we should launch a limerick thread...

---

--- Line breaks <br> added ---
-- PA --

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:43 PM

Guest Nebulus,

I don't have a hampster. Just spiders.

Higgledy Piggledy
Vladimir Horowitz
Played the piano
While picking his nose

Psychoanalysis
Failed to dissuade him
As quick or as well
As the snot on his clothes

There

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

You know, I think snot on the piano keys would be worse than snot on clothes.
Clothes you can just throw in the wash.
Speaking of which...

Gotta go!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

Whoops. Forgot to put in the "break" symbol on those 2 limericks I posted...sorry.

What is this "hampster" stuff? The word is "hamster" isn't it? I think a hampster would have to be a hamster from Hampstead.

Pedantic grammar nazis of the world, take note!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Benjamin
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:25 PM

So Mbo,

How's Lisa?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:47 PM

Don't know Ben! She hasn't mailed the letter yet!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: annamill
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:01 PM

I always put my dirty clothes with snots on 'em in the hampster ;-)

Great thread!

L.,A.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:21 PM

Why? It's easier to leave 'em on the floor. I mean stuffing snotty clothes into a poor little inoffensive furry beady-eyed....what were we talking about?

Coming nurse! Medication time already?

troll

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST,yum yum
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 08:52 PM

There was a young man from DunDee Got stung on the neck by a --(wasp) when askedif it hurt, he said, not at all, in fact it can do it again.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:09 PM

There once was a maid from Nantucket
Who liked making love in a bucket
When the men asked her why
She said "Listen here, guy
Either you do it my way or...(you finish it)

You could fit at least 2000 hamsters in your average hampster...but they wouldn't be happy hamsters, would they?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Marymac90
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:48 PM

Little Hawk,

I loved the verse of the song about Jesus that you put in that other thread about JC. You indicated there was more of your song, and the rest was more pointed than what you wrote there-great! Will you share it all with us?

BTW-I'd be interested in knowing what gender you are, if you'd care to indicate that as well.

Marymac

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:51 PM

I think he could debate that one with you, Mary. *BG*

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:11 PM

Ha! Ha! Good one, Brendy.

In this incarnation I am unquestionably male. If you go to the Mudcat resources section, you can see some photos, old and new.

Along Brendy's implied line of thinking, I do believe that all human beings are both male and female in a spiritual sense, but in a physical sense they are generally either one or the other. Fortunately. Life can be confusing enough as it is. I also believe that the shadow side of every male is the hidden female aspect within him, and vice versa for females. The fact is, we are all One.

I have an old friend in Orillia who is nicknamed Mary Mac. How about that?

I will put the "Jesus Was Not A Christian" lyrics on tomorrow sometime, okay?

See ya.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:21 PM

*sitting on my hands, else they type MANY limericks*

ohh...stop...(right hand working it's way free!!)no..stop! too late!!!!!!!!!

Titian, while mixing rose-madder,
Had a model pose nude on a ladder.
The position, to Titian,
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and had 'er.

*spanking hand*..."Bad hand! Bad!!!"

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:21 AM

Wow! Look at those double-dactyls on CarolC! All the best,
Seamus

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:37 AM

Seamus Kennedy, you made me have to go look up double-dactyls in my dictionary.

Anyway, I didn't write it (wish I had, though) ; )

Tyrannosaurus was a beast
that had no friends, to say the least.
It ruled the ancient out-of-doors,
and slaughtered other dinosaurs.

I stole that one too.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:43 AM

Well, I wandered back in, and this place seems to have turned into the Mudcat equivalent of the Old Fisherman's Guild from (wacky computer game) Quest for Glory 5:
HHhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhnnnn... HHHHHnnnnnnn.....
zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz........
SNUHrk! .......... gligguh, SNUHrk!

Sleep well all, on your "interesting medications."

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 01:33 AM

There once was a man from Levine
Who invented a fu#&ing machine
Concave or convex
It could take either sex
But Oh what a bitch to keep clean

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 02:45 AM

Wherefore my mien (so vicissitudinous) and I,
professorial, suave, and pulchitudinous,
my Czechoslovak colleagues left me harassed;
schistosomiasis renders them embarrassed.
This ill-judged contretemps I found fatiguing.
I kicked their cupboard masochisms intriguing. With penicillin
I doused my aching femur;
My niece harangued me as a knavish schemer:
"Let's Pas de deux", she urged with edgy rancour.
We sacheted blithely, twining in a cancour.
I benefitted from my glitzy terpsichoreans;
My leg stopped aching. Then two young historians
deep in contemning, aptly reconnoitred a table,
newly chamfered, planed and mitred,
to apprehend my niece, who now quite bilious,
had disembowelled my old senile diphyllus
aspidistra, whereupon my parrot
(or parakeet, or cockatoo) the harlot,
plummetted in, pernicious and exotic.
And bit. My niece shrieked, "Now I'm psittacoctic"

*BG*

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 03:08 AM

Brendy, I'm sorry about your niece.

(Aspidistra have bowels?)

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 03:14 AM

That was one hell of a night, I can tell you!!!!!

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Noreen
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 04:18 AM

A baby sardine saw his first submarine
He was scared and watched through a peephole
"Oh come come come," said the sardine's mum
"It's only a tin full of people"

-Spike Milligna, that well-known typing error :0)

Noreen

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 05:13 AM

The opposite of gravity is levity. -Eric Idle

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: sledge
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 05:36 AM

There oncw was a young man from Nantucket
Who went to sea in a bucket
In the midst of a gale
He sighted a whale
And calmly proceeded to F#*%k it.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Quincy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 06:03 AM

There was a young nun called Vera,
Who wouldn't let anyone near her,
'Til a dirty old monk
Crept into her bunk
And now she's a Mother Superior!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Troll
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 07:51 AM

There was a young lady named Todd,

Who thought babies all came from God.

But it weren't the Almighty,

Who lifted her nighty,

T'were Roger the Lodger. That sod!

troll

Limericks. Puns. Where will it all end? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Brendy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 07:58 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggy a bone
But when she bent over
Old Rover took over
And gave her a bone of his own

B.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 08:30 AM

There once was a woman from Norway Who hung from her heels in the doorway She called to her hon Come quick, on the run I think I've discovered one more way!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:19 PM

They actually have an official limerick contest in Orillia once a year at the Stephen Leacock home, which is a heritage site here in Orillia. It has attached to it a small vistor's centre, where the Orillia Folk Society used to hold its song circle, and still holds regular concerts. I believe we will be hosting Rick Fielding at an upcoming one this Fall.

At any rate, one year I entered some limericks in the contest. One of them went like this...

A conceited old bugger named Leacock
Used to strut 'round this town like a peacock
Till they got an old boat
And set him afloat
With no paddle, and opened the sea cocks

It didn't win anything. I was amused...they were not.

Had the one about Titian been submitted, I think it might well have placed or even won.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Quincy
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:57 PM

And another........


There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 01:34 AM

Take note, hesperis...got a new one!

A dog owned by Mortimer Jones
Tried devouring dinosaur bones
But he gave up at last
After passing some gas
And a 17 pound kidney stone

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 08:42 AM

Great limericks, Little Hawk.

Bill D, how about lets have some more of yours.
PLEASE?

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:27 PM

LH - I was trying to avoid this thread...

I have never been able to write the goddamn things.
(Pardon my language.)

She can't write limericks, I say
And maybe it's better this way
For each time she tried
She sat down and cried
Then threw the goddamn thing away

I can't believe I just did that!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:37 PM

Good start, Hesperis! It took me about 20 minutes of false starts last night before I came up with the "dog" one all of a sudden. Try prayer. It might work.

I sweated for ages over one that started...

An insane physicist from L.A.
Tried to measure the whole Milky Way
First he ran out of tape
Then his lab rats escaped
Now he's.... Someone finish it, please? And don't screw up the meter!

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

Now he's lost somewhere in Pompei

((Whatever!))

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: MichaelM
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 06:13 PM

The perennial winner of the national limerick contest sent in his usual fabulous concoction and waited for the usual first place prize and cheque. After several weeks with no response he phoned the head office of Limerick Inc. to inquire about his prize. The person who answered the phone told him that he had finished second that year ergo no prize. "Impossible" he fumed "read me the winning entry." She replied that she couldn't possibly repeat some of the words in the pize-winner but would substitute "beep" for a word she couldn't bring herself to say. So.....

Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep

Beep beep beep beep beep fuck.

Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 06:54 PM

Hesperis,

This one's for you. (It's some kind of haiku or cinquain or something. Can't remember exactly.)

Conjure
a poem from
this majic hat of mind
poetry is impossible
I think

I wrote that one myself

Carol