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Lyr Req: Songs by 'Jehosaphat and Jones' (Ronnies)

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BOLD SIR JOHN


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BS: Two Ronnies on Freeview ITV3 (1)
Obit: Ronnie Barker (1929-2005) (47)
Lyr Req: The Two Ronnies - The Morris dancers (17)
two ronnies - a puritan am i (4)


BanjoRay 06 Sep 00 - 07:33 PM
GUEST,Michael in Swansea 07 Sep 00 - 09:19 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Sep 00 - 06:54 PM
Snuffy 09 Sep 00 - 12:24 AM
Liz the Squeak 09 Sep 00 - 05:41 AM
Snuffy 09 Sep 00 - 06:03 AM
Liz the Squeak 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 AM
Bud Savoie 10 Sep 00 - 06:46 AM
Liz the Squeak 10 Sep 00 - 12:34 PM
Noreen 10 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM
Brendy 10 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM
Bud Savoie 10 Sep 00 - 01:29 PM
BanjoRay 10 Sep 00 - 04:57 PM
Liz the Squeak 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 PM
GUEST,Ernie 07 Jun 07 - 09:41 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Jun 07 - 11:31 AM
GUEST,CopperEye1960 15 Aug 08 - 08:59 PM
GUEST,eoj in Dublin 07 Oct 08 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,Neil 28 Apr 09 - 06:17 AM
Banjo-Flower 28 Apr 09 - 09:53 AM
GUEST,BanjoRay 28 Apr 09 - 11:04 AM
GUEST,fitferg, 04 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM
GUEST 08 Nov 09 - 05:17 AM
GUEST,sibbie 30 Dec 10 - 12:11 PM
GUEST 26 May 11 - 04:22 PM
GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 09:28 AM
Bonzo3legs 29 Jun 11 - 09:30 AM
GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 09:58 AM
jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 10:20 AM
jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 11:50 AM
Jim Dixon 22 Jul 11 - 11:46 PM
GUEST,nel. 20 Jul 12 - 07:48 AM
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Subject: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: BanjoRay
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 07:33 PM

Do any of you cultured people recall seeing Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett appearing on The Two Ronnies as Big Jim Jehoshephat and Fat Belly Jones, a pair of country singers with huge beards and songs full of double entendres? They brought out an LP called Jehoshephat and Jones with some superb songs on it. An example verse, vaguely remembered:

I drunk some coffee and I drunk some tea
And I'm in the yard with a belly full of watermelon
Don't plant cotton and I don't plant grass
I'm in the henyard sittin' on my corn patch

Bring out your memories and examples!
Cheers
Ray


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 09:19 AM

Remember them well. I did have a copy of the LP which I lent to someone about 20 years ago. Never seen again, sorely missed.
M


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 06:54 PM

I have a copy of that very same LP, play it often, and want to do one of the songs one day.

Last time I saw grandma,
It really was a shame,
She looked a million dollars
But we buried her just the same!!

I have been known to do the odd verse of 'we knew what she meant' after a couple of sniffs at the parafin lamps....

I was convinced that I'd dreamt them and that mine was the only copy in the world of that record, but I'm glad to hear there are at least two other weirdo's in the world!!

LTS


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Subject: Lyr Add: UP CAT POLE CAT (The Two Ronnies)
From: Snuffy
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 12:24 AM

Ray,

This evening I found a tape that I didn't know we had. There's no writing on the sleeve, but a little sticker on one side says "Jehosaphat & Jones" (the other side says "Round the Horne"). I guess it must be a copy of the J&J vinyl, and the bit you (mis-?)quoted is the chorus of the first track. I've typed the whole song out for you to savour the double-entendres. But not having a track listing I don't know what it's called!

Rough cat [or it might be Up cat], polecat, juniper tea
Lyin in the yard with a belly full of watermelon
Don't pick cotton and I don't plant grass
Out in the open sitting on my - CORNPATCH

Down in Louisiana where the corn is high
People jumping up to see the girls go by
Down by the river where the bullrush grows
I watch the girls swimming there without any - HESITATION

Met Mary-Ellen by the old barn door
I know just what she's a-waitin for
Up in the loft where the oil light flickers
I lost my heart and she lost her - PARASOL

Annie was kissed by the preacher's son
She said to him "Now what you been an' gone an' done?"
He said "I'm at the end of my wits
Ever since the time I grabbed you by the - [can't make this out]"

Down in Louisiana where the nights are gay
The owls are trained to look the other way
Down on the beach where the nights are black
You'll find all the young girls lyin on their - BEST BEHAVIOUR

Townsfolk come here, try to settle down
Pretty soon it's gonna be a great big town
We'll build a lotta roads an' houses an' then
They'll all have to move to the country again.


Wassail! V


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 05:41 AM

It is called 'Up cat, Pole cat' and if you like I can do you a track listing. This album deserves more exposure!! If you like the double entendres, listen out for one called 'we knew what she meant' which has the lines - 'I need some material to make a new belt, perhaps you can tell me where I can get felt'.

Ah, gonna have to go play it now.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Snuffy
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 06:03 AM

I listened to the whole thing for the first time at about 3.30 this morning. Kept me from falling asleep!

Liz, a track listing would be great. Will you PM me, or post it here? I assume you're also following the Kenneth Williams thread.

Wassail! V


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 AM

Not following KW, too long to fit in before church (I'm late already!)

Have words to 'we knew what she meant', posting now..... track list to follow.

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Bud Savoie
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 06:46 AM

Liz, how can you be late for church at 5:29 AM?


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 12:34 PM

Because it was 10.30am here....!

Now it is 5.36 and I'm late for a concert - been one of those days all round!

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM

a)Dawn Service?
b)Long way to travel?
c)Really 10.29 am here in UK, Bud!
delete as appropriate

Noreen


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM

The Two Ronnies!!

B.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Bud Savoie
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 01:29 PM

So the time is marked when received, not when sent? OK, now I know.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: BanjoRay
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 04:57 PM

Thanks for the words, Snuffy, its been 25 years since I heard them, which is why I got them wrong. If someone brought this out on CD I would be a well pleased bloke.
cheers
Ray


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 PM

It is hard enough getting it on vinyl, CD is practically impossible unless we picket the BBC.

Still haven't done the track listing, but concert I thought I was late for, was 1/2 hour later than I'd been told, so I wasn't late, and it was bloody fantastic.

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 09:41 AM

I got this album in a flea market, about 20 odd years ago, for £1.99 would you believe. It is priceless and I would never part with it. Up Cat is the popular song but I like "Stuttering Bum" and "We Knew What She Meant" just as much. What annoys me is that the BBC never brought out a video of Big Jim and Fat Belly doing their songs. I have spoken to many people who are into Country Music, as I am, and they have said the same and would undoubtedly have bought the video had it been made. Perhaps we need to put pressure on the BBC to make such a video, because there is no doubt, it will sell.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 11:31 AM

I suspect there is very little of it around. They appeared as Big Jim and Fat Belly in a couple of programmes, but not enough to have provided the amount of material there is on the LP. I think they probably realised they had a possible money maker with these personas and just sat in the studio to cut the disc. It's highly unlikely they ever appeared on screen for as long as the LP is.

LTS - another Fat Belly fan from way back!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,CopperEye1960
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 08:59 PM

just caught a two ronnies rerun on UK Gold - They did Jehosephat and Jones - first time I heard them in 20 years. Got the vinyl still ( I think ) in the attic - gonna have to get it down and play it - The only vinyl player Ive got is a converter to digital - so I can put it on the IPod!!!!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,eoj in Dublin
Date: 07 Oct 08 - 03:12 PM

I am looking for the words of a song called the stuttering bum.
Any idea where they can be found.
Kind Regards


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,Neil
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 06:17 AM

I count myself as fortunate that my folks raised me on a diet of Tom Lehrer and the Two Ronnies. I loved J & J particularly Ronnie Barker's mickey take of Willie Nelson. My favourite from the album was Up Cat Pole Cat and The Railroad Song. Please someone post me the words to the Railroad Song...I have the tune in my head but the words are sadly jumbled over the years.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 09:53 AM

Now on youtube

Gerry


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,BanjoRay
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:04 AM

Here they are on YouTube
This was their first appearance, with three songs.

Ray


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,fitferg,
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM

HELP!!! I barely remember the words to a particular J&J song but either the chorus or the lyric went "Let me go round again Lord, please let me go round again", it was someone recalling the life they had led so far and beseeching God to give them another go,I would be forever grateful if anyone could give me the full lyrcs as I recall the song being hilarious, thanks in advance, cheers


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 05:17 AM

Lyrics to "The Railroad Song" as far as I remember them... corrections gratefully received.

They said when I left the jailhouse
"Now, try to go straight if you can"
So I'm doin' fine, and I'm on the right line
Workin' for the Railroad Man (Oh yeah!)
Workin' for the Railroad Man.

They said "Lay tracks for the railroad
Because steam means speed and power"
So I'm doin' my best, and I'm travellin' west
'bout fifteen feet an hour (Oh, yeah!)
'bout fifteen feet an hour.

Somebody stole my hammer
But I still gotta earn my bread
And life ain't so grand when you're standin' on your hands
Bangin' in the rivets with your head (Oh, Lord!)
Bangin' in the rivets with your head!

There's a curve in the track up yonder
I think it's the beginnin' of the end
I've tried goin' straight, but sad to relate
I think I'm goin' round the bend (Oh, Lord!)
I think I'm a-goin' round the bend!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,sibbie
Date: 30 Dec 10 - 12:11 PM

I used the subtitles on this episodeL

It's

Up cat, polecat, juniper tree,
Lyin' in the garden with a belly full o' watermelon,
Don't pick cotton and I don't plant grass,
Out in the open, sitting in the cornpatch.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST
Date: 26 May 11 - 04:22 PM

got the LP too. its great. Does anyone remember the full lyrics to "oblige me with another one"? All I can remember of it is the following....

I went to the vet's, just the other day,
Got a pill for my dog, so his cough would go away,
But when I got home, I stood it on the shelf,
And it fell into the coffee pot, so I swallowed it myself

..............CHORUS..............

I've never done anythin like this before,
And I'll tell you, one thing foe sure,
The efect its not immediate, but its worth waitin for,
So oblige me with another one, like the one I had before....
ONLY STRONGER......


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 09:28 AM

Ooh Marylou I'm a-calling you up on the telephone,
To say thanks 4 coming 2 the dance with me and letting me take you home.
I'm sorry I seemed so nervous and s-s-started to s-s-stammer and sweat
But it s-s-started as soon as I saw you and I ain't got over it yet.

I stared at your b-b-b-b-b-beautiful b-blue green eyes,
I wondered if you f-f-f-f-f-flirted with all the guys,
I get a funny feeling in my b-b-b-b-b-brain,
And I can't say a word I j-j-j-j-just gotta see you again.

She said she'd see me Saturday and I put down the phone
My tongue is back to normal now I'm once more alone,
But next time I see her on Saturday night around 10
You can b-b-bet your b-b-bottom dollar I'll be a s-s-s-s-stuttering bum again,

I'll grab her by the b-b-b-b-barn and p-p-p-p-p-push her inside,
I'll take my c-c-c-c-courage in both hands and ask her to be my b-b-b-bride
And if she holds my c-c-c-c-clammy hand and tells me that she would
I'll f-f-f-f-f-fetch a preacher right away that'll cure my stutter for good.

That's g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good.


The end. Hope this is what you wanted.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 09:30 AM

Jumpin' Jehoshephat Big Blon' Baby!!!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 09:58 AM

When you smiled I nearly sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shot right out the door
Cos I'd never seen such pretty little t-t-t-teeth before.
I ain't usually a bashful boy; I've took out other gals
I've kissed them on the b-b-b-b-b backdoor step and p-p-p-p-p-promised to be pals

But since I first caught sight of you on the Brownsville b-b-b-buggy ride,
Well I've become a s-s-s=stuttering bum und my tongue is p-p-p-perpetually t-t-tied
My c-c-c-c-c-c-c-collar gets awful tight
When I f-f-f-f-f-feel you close as I d-d-d-did last night.

Sorry this verse goes before "I get a funny feeling in my b-b-b-b-b-brain"


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 10:20 AM

pity i missed a verse out but its easier singing it than write the lyrics down the song has been my party piece 4 years. if you remember the tune try it youll have a laugh


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 11:50 AM

id like to tell you a little poem i read on a lavetory wall in prentiss new jersey it went right from a little window at the topdown to the skirting board.boy i had 2 strain 2 read that last verse. my tale is a weird 1 was found long ago in a book on my granpappys shelf`so hush while i tell it and dont make a sound cos id like 2 hear it myself,it was writ in the days when the yukon was rich and the miners got drunk every night,it was writ all in red by my old uncle jed cos he was the 1 that could write now our story begins with a quarrel 1 night between jed and his pretty wife nell she d lost all his dough at a gambling saloon and 1 of her garters as well, as she stood there that night just a little bit tight she threw off her clothes in disgust,whats the matter said jed and she drunkenly said as she undid her corsett youre bust,jed knew what she meant all his gold she had spent and he sat there a while making faces,and as she bent down to unlace her boots he gave her a belt with his braces,nell gave a quick jump with her hand 2 her rump and a yell all alaska could hear,and she made a quick run and she snatched up jeds gun and poked it inside of jeds ear,thats the finish said nell ive had all i can take do you hear me get out of my sight,well old jed could hear and the gun in his ear made him hear even better that night,so he quitted the shack and never looked back as he went out to search 4 more gold but his luck was out and he wandered about till at last he was dying of cold,so he dragged himself into a nearby saloon ,which was known as the barrel of glue,it was 1 of those joints where the men are all men,and most of the women are 2,he bought himself into a poker game by producing his very last dollar,he started 2 deal with hope in his heart and 3 aces under his collar,he won thick and fast whenthe evening was passed he owned all the gold on the table as well as 3 mines and 3/4 share in a mexican showgirl called mabel.you cheated you swine said lou with a whine and grabbed old jed by the neck he started to squeeze till jed dropped 2 his knees and with 1 final wheeze hit the deck. then as jed lay in came a woman as lou looked up she spat straight in his eye from the doorway, it was nell and she really looked as she grabbed jed and rushed him outside and they never stopped running 4 7 long miles till they found some place 2 hide,it was a room booked by nell in a sleezy hotel a dollar a night double roomer it was built out of driftwood and named ath savoy by some guy with a quick sense of humour,im puzzled dear nell said jed and i want 2 hear tell how hells name managed 2 find me ive been wandering too just like you said nell and the thought made me wince,but the reason my dear is that whack on the rear i just aint sat down ever since


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Subject: Lyr Add: NELL OF THE YUKON (Ronnie Barker)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:46 PM

Copied from http://monologues.co.uk/1960-2000/Nell_of_the_Yukon.htm. I have boldfaced the parts that were missing from jjbshauntedhouse's version.


NELL OF THE YUKON
By Ronnie Barker

My tale is a weird one. 'Twas found long ago,
In a book on my grandpappy's shelf,
So hush while I tell it, and don't make a sound,
'Cos I'd like to hear it myself.

It was writ in the days when the Yukon was rich,
And the miners got drunk every night.
It was writ all in red, by my old Uncle Jed,
'Cos he was the one as could write.

Now the story begins with a quarrel, one night,
Between Jed and his pretty wife, Nell.
She'd lost all his dough at the gambling saloon,
And one of her garters as well.

Now Nell was a gal with a wonderful shape.
She could hit a spittoon at ten paces.
When she went on the town, she wore a tight gown,
And was seen in all the right places.


Well, she'd come home that night, just a little bit tight,
And she threw off her clothes in disgust.
"What's the matter?" said Jed, and she drunkenly said
As she undid her corset, "You're bust!"

Now Jed knew what she meant: all his gold she had spent,
And he sat there awhile, making faces,
Then as she bent over to unlace her boots,
He gave her a belt, with his braces.

Nell gave a great jump, with her hand to her rump,
And a yell all Alaska could hear,
Then she made a quick run, and she snatched up Jed's gun,
And she poked it inside of Jed's ear.

"That's the finish," said Nell, "I've had all I can take.
Do you hear me? Get out of my sight!"
Well, old Jed could hear, and the gun in his ear
Made him hear even better that night.

So he quitted the shack, and he never looked back,
And he set out to search for more gold;
But his luck it was out, and he wandered about,
Till at last he was dying of cold.

So he dragged himself into a nearby saloon,
Which was known as the "Barrel of Glue."
It was one of those joints where the men are all men,
And most of the women are, too.

The place was a gambling hell, it was clear.
Every man jack was betting and boozing.
Three miners were winning a strip-poker game,
And a girl with no clothes on was losing.

Jed sat down at a table and bought himself in

By producing his very last dollar;
And he started to deal with hope in his heart,
And three aces under his collar.

And he won thick and fast; when the evening was past,
He owned all the gold on the table,
As well as six mines, and a three-quarter share
In a Mexican showgirl called Mabel.

Then in walked Black Lou, with a sackful of gold,
And he challenged poor Jed, with a leer.
"One cut and one call, and the winner takes all,
And the loser must buy all the beer!"

What could Jed do? He hated Black Lou,
As everyone did in those parts;
So Jed shuffled the cards, and both players cut,
And both players cut Ace of Hearts!

Then up jumped Black Lou, and his face went bright blue,
(Which astonished a passing physician)
And he used a foul word that no one had heard
Since the time of the Great Exhibition.


"You cheated, you swine!" said Lou with a whine,
As he grabbed Uncle Jed round the neck;
And he started to squeeze, 'til Jed dropped to his knees,
And with one final wheeze, hit the deck.

The whole saloon froze as Black Lou drew his gun
"Alright, stranger!" said he, "Have it your way."
When in rushed a woman... and as Lou turned round,
She spat straight in his eye, from the doorway.

It was Nell! There she stood, and she really looked good

As she grabbed Jed, and rushed him outside
And they didn't stop running for seven long miles,
Till they found themselves some place to hide.

'Twas a room booked by Nell in a sleazy hotel,
A dollar-a-night double-roomer.
It was built out of driftwood, and named "The Savoy"
By some guy with a quick sense of humour.

Well, they flopped on the bed. "Thank the Lord," said old Jed.
"My gambling days are behind me,

But I'm puzzled, dear Nell, and I want to hear tell,
How in hell's name you managed to find me?"

"I've been wandering too, all around, just like you,"
Said Nell, "and the thought makes me wince;
And the reason, my dear, was that whack on the rear.
I just ain't sat down, ever since."

And they lay there awhile, then Jed, with a smile
Said, "I'll never more leave this old town.
We'll find peace, you and I," but he got no reply,
For young Nell was a-sleeping, face down.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by 'Jehosaphat and Jones' (Ronnies)
From: GUEST,nel.
Date: 20 Jul 12 - 07:48 AM

this used to be my favourite album when i was a little kid, i knew all the words from heart and yes, i got the jokes. well most of them anyway. so delighted to rediscover this... yes... love to get it on CD.
he grabbed her ".. by the CARDIGAN...." by the way!


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